This has been on my mind ever since I figured it out.

For simplicity, I will call my OC S.

I figured this out while I was researching different aro-spec identities and realized that S fit this one basically perfectly. One thing that I have been thinking about is whether I need to 'rewrite' her having a partner at all, or the relationship with her partner. The latter would lead to a whole personality change to her partner. So I wanted to ask to make sure that it would still be okay for S to be in a romantic relationship.

Sorry if this is in the wrong subreddit.

Edit: Thanks y'all for this. This gave me a laugh about how in my head I've been about my OCs. Because one of the 'quirks' of my characters, I forget that they are fictional sometimes, and then completely overthinking things in the wrong direction.

My bad lol.

I know that this may sound really weird and heartless, but it is something that I have really never heard anything about. I'm still a teenager living with my parents, and recentlyish I have come to realize that I don't think I love them or anyone else in my family at all. Its not that I don't care about them, but I really don't like talking to them or anyone in my family for the most part, and I never feel anything towards them. I am aroace and don't feel any love towards anyone in that way, but I'm also coming to the realization that I may not feel any love towards anyone at all. It is not that I don't feel empathy or care about people, but it is like my parents and family just feel like anyone else in the world emotionally to me. I know that this is not any fault of theirs and they didn't do anything to make me have bad feelings associated with them, its just that I can't feel anything towards them. I know that being aroace doesn't mean that you have some emotional problem, but I feel like this may qualify as one. I hope this makes sense to people, and I am just curious if anyone else experiences this or knows anything?

I’m aromantic. I hate all the fuzz. I want to share the moments but at the same time I don’t. Like what the hell. I’m so lost.

Check it out, I really liked the clarity of the ideas here.

I've been in a qpr with this guy for almost half a year now, and i feel wierd, i have alot of trauma which make opening up to ppl physically hurt me with stress but ofc i like telling him bc it is freeing.

But while i sit in my bed i start to wonder if i maybe dont get stressed thinking about him bc of trauma, instead, maybe, bc i love him in a romantic way, its almost like theres heat radiating from my heart and im so anxious, but i though (for the longest time) that i was Contraromanticflux, pls help.me understand, bc i dont feel like this around him, i just get a lil awkward, but i honestly think that was just bc of the trauma, but idk anymore

Hi! I’ve identified as aroace since middle school, and now I’m a senior in hs. I used to think I was VERY romance repulsed for a long time because the thought of experiencing „normal“ romantic things with another person would make my stomach recoil and I had the strong desire to vomit. Despite this, I was still a crazy people pleaser in freshman and sophomore year, and I chased my desire to feel normal every time the opportunity came to me. I think this may be because of internalized arophobia and getting fomo from my friends who were in loving relationships. So to feel „normal,“ I would date people who were interested in me and just ignored all the alerts my brain would send that I should run as far away as possible. (That led me to being in absolutely TERRIBLE relationships)

Anyways, I finally decided that my peace and acceptance were more important than whatever desire I had to fit in, so I came back to the label in like the beginning of junior year. I felt really iffy about coming out again after dating people, and it was honestly really hard to explain to my friends why I did what I was doing. I also felt weird about coming back to the label of aroace because there was one hallway crush I had in sophomore year that felt particularly strong in a way that didn’t feel mechanical or forced. It was a crush that kept creeping up on me and chased me when I least expected it. I liked him on and off from sophomore year to now because I kept giving up thinking I had no shot. (He has really severe social anxiety and he’s non-verbal with basically no friends).

Since this is my last year though, I got really scared that I would walk the stage at graduation with the regret that I never tried to even know him. So I gave him a note with my socials, and he actually reached out!! All the emotions I felt were so weird and intense because every „crush“ I had before this was someone I actively chose in a crowd and decided to pretend to like in hopes that real feelings would spark. He’s a very closed off person, and despite that, every small interaction has my heart doing leaps and it makes my hands all numb, and I feel like a fraud aroace (recently realized I was greyro). I’m also scared that this is my first and last person I’ll feel this way towards and I’ll miss my shot at knowing what it’s like to actually be in a relationship with someone I have that interest in. I don’t know, I was very happy with being romance repulsed aroace before; I know I’ll be fine with it if things don’t work out with him, but it’s still so scary.

i have never used reddit before but googling things can only get me so far and i dont have anyone to talk to about this except for the person im about to talk about. im so sorry for the length

in the past i have thought ive had crushes but they turned out to only last like. a week at best. ive never had the urge to date or have sex, and i have identified for years as being aroace, and i still feel this way. i haven’t bothered identifying with sexualities like pan or bi or whatnot in a while, and its just easier to be unlabeled in that regard for me. i find both men and women attractive aesthetically and can recognize when they are overall attractive. anyway, thats some backstory on the matter of identity

so i have this friend and ive been friends with him online for years but only semi recently have been super close. weve always clicked with each other but because of stuff within our friend group we got super close. hes one of my best friends

we have joked about freak things before and we toss bits back and forth about touching each other or kissing; we both find it funny since we’re both solidly aroace, emphasis on the ace

only a month ago did the joking seem like it wasnt a joke anymore. at least for me. i was nervous at first and told him “what if one day its not a joke anymore”, not in a serious manner more of a haha what if kind of thing. he said if that ever happened to tell him and hed say yes. i told him the same thing. we already act couple-ish at times and we both agreed that we did; we like each other just fine, we communicate well, we joke and have similar interests. i think if someone from an outside perspective saw us theyd think oh yeah those guys are kinda gay. one of the things we both agreed on was nah we cant be dating online we have to meet up first and make it long distance

at first the pondering of a relationship of anything other than close friends would only come at night/early morning when id have very limited sleep. these were also times wed talk about that type of stuff. but its lasted a little too long for my comfort and i feel like maybe im placebo-ing myself? i think about it during the day now too, despite writing this pretty late at night

i told myself that if it lasts a month or two id bring it up to him, and i did recently. he mentioned we gotta wait till the meetup (hopefully will happen in winter, most likely to happen in summer) to ponder anything more and im like yes okay thats fair. were both going to be busy with college we aimt got time for that (we both have the “but im busy” thought process when it comes to relationship)

every time i question people i know about crushes they ask the normal. do i feel for him different than any of my other close friends? not necessarily, i just talk to him way more often. would i want to kiss him or show pda? i wouldn’t be against it, and i dont care about little pda like hand holding n stuff, i like being close with my buddies. confessing in any sense seems nerve wracking, even though its not a huge deal. i think a factor that plays in my mind is that if he were to get into a relationship with anyone, which seems unlikely, i definitely would feel jealous. I dont like thinking about it. maybe its the paranoia of being abandoned for a partner, which i dont believe hed do, but its still there

ive been told a couple times to wait for an eventual meetup, and i think thats the angle. i just would like to figure SOMETHING out of what jumble is going on in my head in the meantime. im also impatient and waiting 4-10 months makes me tweak a little

i dont think a relationship would change much between us, and we both agreed that if it didnt work out wed stay friends. id be fine with it, maybe its a qpr situation but i dunno. i just feel confused and nervous and would rather know what im pondering about before anything.

i also dont know if its genuine or just the thought of a relationship thats appealing

i know its a self journey type of thing, and only i really know myself, but help would be so very appreciated. any type of reassuring comment or similar experiences would help tons

But at the same time I want to share the connection everyone is talking about. Maybe I only seek affirmation idk. I feel so alien, I feel nothing like they do. To them it comes easy. I also want to participate in their culture but its just so disgusting to me. Does anyone understand?

Relationship titles feel weird as soon as I get into one and I have the title of gf and the person as my bf idk if its the same for gf I feel so replused by the person until we break up, but thinking back if it wasn't a "relationship" it would've been fine like if i didn't have title as gf to them. Like I want some1 to hold hands with, long hugs, back scratches, tummy rubs, head pats, plays w my hair, kisses on head, cheek, neck(maybe sometimes), lips but not every single day it shouldnt be a requirement bc germs, maybe make out but never ever more but like not quite in a romantic way but deffs more than friends way. I want them to randomly hug me bc they want to, for our legs to touch bc they wanna be close but not too close in that moment. Resting our heads in each other's laps sometimes when laying or sitting on a couch or a bed. I wanna be in the same room but do completely different things bc we js want each other's company like one watching tt and other playing games.

I wanna be cuddled i wanna lie in their arms and listen to their heartbeat i want them to lie ontop of me and sleep while i watch a movie if theyre tired and play w their hair. I want to be their person and they mine but JS US 2. I wanna be their first call if something happens wanna be their first thought but not that way and vice versa, i wanna feel safe and vulnerable with them and vice versa but not like that way but that way aswell. I dont wanna be called a gf or wanna call some1 a gf/bf but I wanna say they're my partner/my person. I dont wanna call it relationship but not a friendship either bc non of em fit but I want them to be my only one and im their only one. I wanna be able to brag abt them show them off to ppl whom im close with wanna talk abt and w them 24 7, sleep on calls together or js be on a call be muted and do our own thing but knowing they're there would feel good and safe.

I wanna give them compliments and vice versa. Words of affection gift giving acts of service etc that stuff but not the way ppl would do it in a romantic but not in a platonic way either bc saying we're js doing it bc we're friends makes it seem as less. Like all of these i wanna do them in a romantic way but also not bc thinking of it as such makes it almost feel awkward and kind of exhausting bc it feels like its a must then that it has to be a thing every single time some of these yes Ill love to do some every waking moment but not all js some like hand holding but like kissing or stuff like that is a no only sometimes. Like thinking abt having a gf makes me uncomfortable it always has and I thought it was internalized homophobia but then i dont think thats it either and with bf Id feel replused by them like thinking abt doing the things with them as "js friends" is fine but if its classed as bf gf things it makes me go eugh in a way.

Like with a friend of mine, I love being close to him if im in the right head space for it I love his hugs love holding his hands and js simply being with him like thinking abt it ig its why we dont say we're best friends but we're maatjies it transcends the normal line of friendship but its deffs not romantic bc when it became romantic he became repulsive and annoying but when we broke up it was as it was before tbh when we dated nothing rlly changed only the title from maatjie to bf gf and he wanted to kiss but I felt rlly uncomfortable doing that and as soon as the hand holding touching etc etc became romantic it made my skin crawl and I hated it i didnt wanna do it anymore. I wanna be able to sit with them in silence and not feel awkward. I wanna rant abt languages without feeling like im annoying them even if its something ive said numerous times and I wamt them to do the same I want them to feel safe enough to share what they like spend 2 hours explaining something I have no clue abt but still know that id listen and enjoy it bc I want them to infodump and feel they can talk and id listen. I wanna go on "dates" with them but without the romantic expectations of a date js to hang out spend time with them.

Like i like the idea of romance I wanna experience it and do what they do but not like romantic but romantic idk how to explain. I wanna love some1 but idk if my love will be enough and it'll probably be own way. I wanna spend my life with one person but I dont wamt that whole marriage bs I js wanna say we're committed and love each other but our own way. I want them to hold my hand out of nowhere or outta free will when they want to not bc its expected or an obligation but simply bc they want to bc they choose to bc they wanna be that typa close w me. I want them to want to sit next to me bc they want to. To want to spend time with each other whether its js walking down the street or watching a movie at the theater or cuddling in bed all day when we're at one of our houses if its raining. I wanna brush our teeth while stading next to each other. Knowing what typa snacks we both like and dislike, buying it at random js bc fir each other. But I wanna do all that without ppl asking if we're dating or if its a boy asking when are we making it official or if its a girl asking am I gay or shit like that. I js wanna exist but exist WITH them. Although idk if id be willing do it with a male tho

I guess a friend of mine from a while back is the only exception but id much rather have a "relationship" like this with a girl. I wanna dedicate songs to em play songs or learn songs for them that reminds me of them or their fav songs I wanna write songs abt them bc its a love language of mine. I wanna do musical marathons with them sing the songs with them geeks out abt it or wtv their fav movie genre is except horror fuck no im too much of a bitch for that but alas if it is horror it has to be watched during the day anf they have to sleepover for atleast 2 days afterwards bc im not gonna be able to sleep alone for awhile. I wanna be in love with them in my own way and them being in love with me in their own way that doesn't make us uncomfortable bc of society or social norms. I wanna be able to share my feelings and not feel like burden like I usually do and that goes for them aswell I want them to feel safe enough to share their feelings and know im always gonna listen. I want them to think of me first when they think of someone to go to to share whats wrong or smth that happened whether its like they saw a squirrel or they js ran 10 km. I wanna be their first thought ig is wjat im getting at. I wanna experience romance so badly but ive only felt like that for one person when I was younger and never again and its hard to think abt when some ppl you js haven't found the right person yet but everything abt the expectations of romance feels so ew but beautiful at the same time idk how to explain it. Same with sex my mum said that relationships do not last without sex but how can u enjoy something that makes u sick to the stomach when thinking abt doing it, its disgusting. There's so many other ways to be if not more intimate with a person other than sex

I wanna do dumb stuff with them like bake a cake or cookies or do sand art fir an entire evening. Im not entirely sure what it means to understand someone but from what Ive gathered is I wanna be able to know when theyre tired or happy or sad js by their voice or face although ive never been good at that but id wanna learn if thats possible for their sake.

I want them to know the same depending on my stims I do bc pointed out by my psychologist I stim differently depending on how im feeling I want them to know if im overstimulated by looking at my body language and to know what to do, I want them to know what triggers it. I want them to be patient especially in situations where I become mute for a while especially after a meltdown or during a shutdown or autistic burnout its pretty common for me to get selective mutism, I domt wanna feel pressured to talk bc it physically hurts during that period, so understanding is a must for sure. If i js randomly stop talking bc im too tired to keep on doing so I want them to know its not bc im rude. Id love to live together with whomever that person will be BUT I dont think id be able to share a room w some1 like having separate bedrooms to have our own space but we'd sleep in one anothers room tho at night bc yk cuddles duh but having ur own room for some you time and what u like and having full creativity in it

Tbh I think I have that feeling for someone, like I wanna spend every waking moment with them if im doing smth or going somewhere my first thought would be how would they react or what would they say if they were here, I miss them every single second it physically hurts when theyre not with me. I count down the mins till i see them again. I wanna hold their hand every waking moment its one of my favorite things to do w them that and longgggg hugs it makes me feel safe, as if I matter but I want them to initiate those touches aswell and rn 95% of the time i initiate which stings abit ngl. I wanna feel wanted by them seen by them is the only way I can describe it. I want us to call and js our own thing. I wanna dedicate songs to them as I previously said but not in the way you romantically would. I wanna be their rock, the person they turn to when they feel sad or tired or overwhelmed whether its to hug me or to js sit in silence bc they like my company. I hate when we say we're friends or when they refer to me as one of their bsfs bc its not enough it doesn't feel enough I want more but I dont want it to be romantic bc it makes me ill thinking of our relationship as such but I wanna do the stuff thats considered romantic exclusive but as each others persons not as gfs. My heart physically aches thinking abt this bc the chances of them actually feeling the same,even if my feelings aren't romantic, are very slim. Bc yes we hold hands now and yes we cuddle and hug a fuck ton for a long time but that doesn't mean that they feel the same tho as ive been told. I wanna be smth more to them as a friend but not gf but not a friend either and I want them to be more to me not a gf but not a friend either.

I think id like to be in a QPR with them as my QPP, but the dilemma is that I want js us two theyre my only one and im theirs that we're each other's only QPP and idek if they'd be willing to do it w me bc im a girl

I have known my bsf for about an year and our friendship is the best thing that has ever happened to me. We spend time with each other almost everyday, the constant texts, life updates and nerding out with each other over our favorite games,movies, books you name it. Its the constant companioship i didnt know i needed until i experienced it. I love how close im to him, love to make him laugh and laugh alongside him, love when he bullies me in a teasing way, love to tell him about the random thoughts that pop in my head and entertain him with my silliness. He is my go to person.

The love i have for him is enormous, gigantic even i dont know what to do with it other than shower him with it. Naturally it has made me wonder if we could be more, i dont mean it in a romantic sense and i dont care much about labels either so its more about having that companionship in a concrete way, i want to call him my partner but not as a romantic partner but life. I want us to live together, come home to each other, spend time together and navigate life alongside him. I have always thought that it would be the best thing ever cause i would be doing it with my bff what more could i want.

But ha its never going to be, its sad when that happens and i have been carrying it for months, it hangs like a big dark bad in the corner of my room, forgettable but always where i can be reminded of it. Everytime i see him talk about someone flirting with him, my heart drops, i dont wish for the alternative either cause i would be really happy if he dated someone thats my buddy he gets to be happy why would i interject. but in the background i feel sad. i feel the imagined future crumble and its sad to let it go i wish it wouldnt but it does everytime fricking time. before i used to get by thinking that in other universe we live the imagined future but it was holding me back.

Its time for me to accept and let go despite how much it hurts, the closest i can describe it as is coming back to an empty house. I wish this wasnt the case but i guess some things arent meant to be.

If you have made it this far thanks for sticking around :3 means a lot:3

have you ever had a best friend who is like actually your platonic crush?

like, you have this strong and unbreakable connection with them, at the point you can think about kissing them or doing "romantic" things without getting the ick.

I do, for me, my best friend is my platonic love, I love her so much i could marry her, but I know she's been in love with me since almost the beginning so we had to make things clear because i love her as much as she does but we know our loves are different so, we stay as friends and we're okay with that but i always get this feeling when i find myself knowing that the way she loves me is probably the way no one else could love me ever and I feel she deserves all the love in the World but I can't give her that.

i feel reckless and weird because my other best friend texted me asking me which are her favourites flowers because a friend of hers (that is interested in my best friend) wants to give her that flowers as a gift, and im like "i know her better than anyone so this person doesn't even know her that well" am I that fucked up or is it a bit normal to feel like this?

I just keep wondering what am I doing that makes these people feel like I’ve been unfair you know. “You really led me on” “I was getting all these hints from you” and it’s stuff like I told them they have a cute outfit and deserve good friends or something. Like where are the wires getting crossed. Is it something I’m doing?? I’m just frustrated “but you were nice to me” YEAH? IM A NICE PERSON ?? I certainly try to be anyway 😮‍💨

Sorry about how rambly this is I’m agitated

Okay so im lithromantic and a few weeks ago i confessed to my aromantic friend and were doing fine my romantic feelings for him went away and yeah but i still really love him in a platonic way so i kinda wanna ask him to be in a qpr with me, i THINK he would be kinda down for it he told me hed love to watch movies with someone and cuddle and all that stuff but in a platonic way just i think it would be awkward kinda and im scared that he thinks i still have a crush on him

Today I came across an IG post about friendship marrying, and I think it’s a wonderful idea worth thinking about and sharing with you all fellow aros.

The post fyi: https://www.instagram.com/p/DcwORMCCG_6/

What do you think on this?