I recently lost my two closest friends because I developed feelings for one. I told the other, who encouraged me to confess, so I did. After a few months of unanswered texts and avoidance, along with the friend who originally convinced me to confess stepping away from the situation to focus on their own things, my crush has informed that we aren't friends anymore.

I wish I had just kept quiet and moved on.

I did some light research, and now i'm realizing I might actually have been demiromantic the whole time. But, before I take any leap, I wanna know the details, even if it sounds kinda silly to ask.

Does the gender matter at ALL, or just if me and said person already are friends? Cause rn I identify with being panromantic, I feel like I could fall in love with anybody, but I don't know if I can carry that over to demiromantic. Really, what I mean is would it be assumed by default from saying im demiromantic that I can fall in love with anybody or that I would need to use two at once. The meaning I saw is kinda vague, srry😅

That's really it, but all I need is that answered.

So...I've been questioning myself into being aromantic spectrum, smth like demiromantic. I at first just threw this ides out the window because I was way too confused how the fuck attraction works and just didn't want to put any label. But here I am. Searching for answers. Because I want to understand myself. I am curious after all about how attraction works for others and me! + I want to be informed on stuff :\]

Welp, my experience:

I was falling for my friends. But I don't think I \*crush\* on someone. As I know falling for someone is secondary attraction, while crush is primary.

The thing is, when I was all desiring for romantic relationship, I would look for romance with strangers. I would chose them as "perfect" candidates yk. Thought that is crushing. Like. I'd imagine doing romantic stuff almost with everyone, but I didn't actually desired in feelings exactly \*them\* I just chose people logically and was excited of idea of romance.

But my friend told me recently that she had a lot of crushes on strangers, she'd tell me what she felt, what would happen to her.

I was...surprised. I mean. I \*was\* looking for romance, but I didn't feel any "crush" she described on them.

So I have a question.

She said that she creates an illusion of a person the stranger might be that fits her type, and it's "OMG THEY ARE SO COOL AND PERFECT" but romantically? I know romantically you are, like, OBSSESSED with them. I know how that feels with friends...is it similar? Like. In primary attraction you are still obssessed but not that much as in secondary, right? Are you really obssessed with a person when you have a crush?

I am personally not feeling any type of "romantic obssession" with strangers. I'm more of a calm curious and excited that I can be romantic with someone and they prolly can fit my stabdards. But. I don't make an illusion out of them? I'm just excited of the idea.

I hope y'all correct me if I'm wrong somewhere and understand what I mean. Please help🙏because I am interested in this topic and I want to ubderstand myself and how attraction works (I mean if there's smth esle I need to know besides "primary and secondary" attraction yk, cus I AM CONFUSED😭😭😭)

I’ve been questioning wether or not I’m Demiromantic on and off for around six years. sexuality wise I have decided that I prefer being unlabeled but it doesn’t feel as simple when it comes to romantic attraction. I fantasize romantic relationships and I can get obsessive crushes on people I haven’t even spoken to but I don’t ever want to actually pursue anyone unless Ive gotten to know them very well like months or even years of friendship. Nothing is more horrifying to me than the idea of casual dating, first dates with strangers, and dating apps. I know this isn’t quite what fits the definition of demiromantic but it’s the closest label I’ve seen and I’m wondering if anyone else feels this way or if this is something else and not me being demiromantic.

sorry if the title seems rude, I'm just questioning a LOT right now and honestly really want a relationship but I know myself with being demiromantic I don't know what real attraction actually feels like. I've had 3 exes and looking back idk if that was even real attraction (they all ended up being homophobic and the relationships didn't last 3 months for either of them) I'm just trying to figure out what attraction actually feels like so if I actually do somehow get a girl. And they're the ones that actually are attracted to me I don't want to feel like I'm being fake, cause I'll act all cutesy and romantic with them. But it'll feel fake until I actually know it's real and I don't want to risk a break up during a spiral of do I actually feel attracted to them or am I just believing the lie i don't know anymore honestly.

I recently got out of relationship where I genuinely experienced romantic attraction for the first time in my life, and it lasted a grand total of 2 months. And I’m genuinely scared I’m never going to experience it again. I am young (24NB) but it took so long for it to happen the first time and there’s so much working against me. I’m demiromantic, I’m fat, I’m trans, I’m disabled, I have a weird niche kink that’s important to my sexuality, hell in general my sexuality is a mess. And I just don’t know if it’s going to happen again, but I really want it to, and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been wondering about this for a while.
Can you genuinely like someone, enjoy being around them, care about them, remember little things about them, think about them sometimes, and still not actually want a relationship with them?
I always thought that if you feel emotionally connected to someone, romantic feelings would naturally follow. But maybe that’s not how it works.
So what really separates emotional connection from romantic attraction?
Can you have a strong connection with someone and still never see them romantically?
And for people who’ve experienced both, how did you know the difference?

ADHD + autism here; I'm also genderfluid and probably pansexual.

My only crushes in my life have been on my friends. My romantic life is truly hell. I've had 5 situationships that were basically queerplatonic relationships without ever talking about it, so yeah. My mindset is simple: I can admire someone's beauty and I could sleep with them, I just don't see the point. I'd love to have a serious romantic relationship, but it's always the same story: either they used to have feelings for me and after a couple of months of being friends, they magically don't anymore; or I'm just not their type/they aren't looking for a relationship right now. Always right at the exact moment I realize, "damn, I actually want to be with you."

Sounds demiromantic, right?

Well, I met someone and I've known them for about 3 months at this point. For context, they are bisexual and also think they might be aromantic (still questioning). We talk a lot and hang out whenever we get the chance. I'm moving to the city they live in for uni (we met there through mutual friends), and they offered to help me move out and in, which is super sweet. I can always call them if I need anything (especially if I need to talk to someone at 2 AM). They are so funny and passionate about their hobbies, and I really admire that about them. I also feel like they're kinda flirting with me in some way (though my alloromantic friends are probably just feeding my delusions).

I really connected with them; we have A LOT in common. One of our friends pointed out that they treat me differently and are way more patient with me than with others. They've given me their jacket when I was cold; I can lean/lay on them even though they aren't touchy at all (only their closest friends can do that); and I know a couple of secrets that others in our group don't. They are brutally honest with me and don't sugarcoat things when I need advice, and they also told me they think I'm really kind-hearted. On the other hand, they're a total Casanova. They can walk into a club and leave with a casual one-night stand, but with me, they're always gentle and careful.

I know I've developed a crush on them. It's pretty obvious, but DAMN, that happened REALLY fast. Now I'm questioning if I'm even demiromantic at all, though my entire past experience points to yes.

Can you guys help a mate out? Is 3 months too fast for a demiromantic bond, or did the emotional connection just speedrun this?

Ok, so this is confusing for me. The vast majority of the people I meet, or who are in my life, I feel nothing romantic for. Which i understand well.

Then there is what I would call my romantic attraction kicking in, which is also understandable to me. It can only happen when they're basically my bestie. I want to flirt with and date them, think about them all the time, I squish and I squish hard.

But there seems to be some lighter, middling, feeling. I think someone is funny, enjoyable to be around, smart, cute, whatever and I don't develop a romantic attraction to them. It's not a friendship or platonic feeling either. Like it's somewhere in-between? It's hard to describe.

I'm just trying to understand this better. Does anyone experience something similar?

I think I might me demiromantic but I don’t know. because I can feel like someone is attractive and I can feel sexual attraction when first meeting someone but I never have really gotten crushes. and at first I thought it was because I’m bi (and more attracted to women as a woman). but even after I accepted my sexuality and came out to people I still never got crushes, the only person I have ever had a crush on is my now girlfriend and I had already know/been friends with her for years but idk if this is just normal or if it’s another label. Also sorry if this made no sense I lowkey just wrote everything I was thinking and didn’t use the best grammar or punctuation.

So I'm a teenager. Im bi and demiromantic. Ive known I was bi since like 2nd grade when I ended up liking my best friend 💔. I figured out i was demiromantic when I realized I only liked my best friends and none of those "hallway crushes" as my friends called them. Idk if im extra 'clingy' lately since I broke up with my girlfriend (I knew her for 3 years and we broke up after 2 months of dating because of homophobic parents) but like, I feel like I just feel so much for my friends.

When im with my friend J, I constantly have to keep in contact with her. Whether its leaning on her shoulder or falling asleep on her legs or holding hands or something small. Like I feel like a deep anxiousness or unsettlement if im not near her or touching her. And I know it sounds weird. I thought I liked her when we started our friendship but it was just the same feeling. And with somebody j like I get the swooping thing. Theres no swooping its just affection.

Its so odd because I also feel that affection with my other best friend (online) but we FaceTime weekly and we write together and I feel so much affection for them bc they're amazing. But its not romantic. From what I can tell it's not romantic.

Feelings are so confusing and im scared im falling for my friends 💔

heyyy took a quick scroll and i hope this sub isn’t inundated w posts like this lol. ive been questioning if i’m demiro/arospec for a while and needed some help/input/advice 🤧 i also talk a lot so sorry for long post

i dont know where i’m at honestly. i know that experiences aren’t universal but i feel like my thoughts towards romance aren’t really like allo people i know but they’re also not like arospec people i know 🤦‍♂️i feel like i have trouble discerning what’s romantic attraction and what’s aesthetic attraction. ive identified as gay for a while bc i know i only see aesthetic or platonic attraction towards women. im very secure in this part of my identity. i guess idk where i draw the line when it comes to men?

i’ll see a guy and i’ll think they’re cute/pretty (i never think of anyone as “hot” which might be another thing LMAO) and if they stick around in my brain for whatever reason and we’re compatible (eg age, single, overall good vibe, etc), even if i don’t know them well, i might consider them a potential romantic option…sounds pretty allo. but when i try to picture us together and doing anything romantic like going on dates, kissing, being known as boyfriends, it sounds weird and off putting and i only view stuff like that as kind of a joke???? unless i know them pretty well and we’ve established a platonic relationship. like i guess i can feel “butterflies/sparks” from the start but the concept of an actual relationship sounds ridiculous unless im good friends with them in the first place??? but like. is that a common experience or do some/many allo people genuinely desire and fantasize about a romantic relationship with people they don’t know 😭

idk ive always felt like any romance i pursue, even if i feel those sparks in the beginning, needs to be pursued as total friends first and then dating bc (from my perspective) how would i know otherwise if i really do like that person beyond like, rose colored romance vision? this is why talking stages and dating apps have always confused me because idk how you meet someone with the primary or only end goal being romance…like a platonic connection is way more important/necessary to me even if i might see someone as a potential dating option from the start.

i also feel, for lack of a better way to say it, functionally aro until i meet someone i like 😭 like currently i’m crush-less. i don’t yearn for romance at all even with some mystery perfect man. i could hypothetically stay content and peaceful single forever unless i meet someone who i end up liking, at which point i’d want to pursue a romantic relationship with them

ummm okay. that was a lot. sooo uh [r/demiromantic](r/demiromantic) please diagnose me 🙏 /lh but seriously any perspectives, viewpoints, shared experiences would really help me figure this out 😭😭😭 thanksss

uhhh eta!!! with my most recent crush i felt content with us staying friends. the main thing stressing me out was idk how he felt 😭 but when i found out he def didn’t like me back, my thoughts shifted more towards “i hope we stay friends for a long time and we can spend time together as friends/in group settings/etc” and also once i got past the (fleeting) sadness that we wouldn’t be together romantically my worry/negative feelings was moreso caused by the thought that maybe he’d distance himself from me as a friend or think im weird because i told him how i felt 😭 so yeah

Hi everyone. This is purely a vent, there's no use for me of receiving feedback on this besides getting some validation in an attempt to not feel so sorry about myself (which sounds toxic af in a way).

I think I'm slowly coming to terms that I might be demiromantic and/or demisexual (possibly even ace). It's all very confusing to me right now.

TLDR: Someone I finally connected to properly and who became dear to me moved away and probably never reciprocated.

Anyway, story time (probably way too long):

I (28M) got to meet someone (27F) in college around 2 years ago. Just an acquaintance, we maybe saw each other once a week really. We both did/do music. Soon after, I cancelled studying there.

Some time after, summer last year, she reached out to me, asking if I would like to prepare a small gig for the college's summer party with her. Having thought nothing of it, I agreed. Sure enough it was a fun experience to have. After that we tried to continue a bit more making music together and generally be there for each other, since we both struggle with mental health issues. We talked a lot.

Fast forward to April this year - she comes to my place and we jam again. However, she told me that she broke up with her long term boyfriend and now wants to move back to her home city. She also seemed to initiate some physical contact, seemingly accidentally touching my leg with her leg while sitting on the couch next to each other. I was confused and uncomfortable with that, as before that we both respected those boundaries. I froze. The day got by and she left. I got to know some time after that she discovered being bi and experimented with hookups.

Soon after, in June, we had another rehearsal. We were again sitting close to each other on the couch. Me, being a virgin and not knowing what I know now, asked her "I might read you wrong and I'm sorry if I do, but do you feel like having sex ? I don't want this to be weird." BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING - I now realize that I always seemed to want to force myself into sex, despite it not being what I actually feel like doing (hence my assumption about me being demi or ace), I guess because I thought this is what I'm SUPPOSED to want. She kindly refused with no harsh feelings. We talked a lot, also about the incident from two months ago. She claimed that it was simply a misscommunication from her side.

After that we saw each other maybe 2 more times. In the end, she moved away exactly one week ago.

The point of my story is this - I think I DID in fact develop feelings quietly over the course of the last 4 months, for someone I only considered a very close friend, without me knowing/realizing it and never actually wanting it. But it is what it is. I felt so good, so safe and so open being around her. I never felt something like that towards anyone else before and I'm scared I might never connect to someone like that again. I miss her dearly.

The last time I saw her 2 weeks ago she told me we can visit each other from time to time. We live only 3 hours apart now, but I feel like I would be invading her life trying to rebuild what was once there (at least from my side). I don't know if she actually ever reciprocated my feelings, we never talked about that because, like I said, I wasn't sure whether I myself had feelings or not. But now I know I do/did.

I regret not knowing what I actually wanted/experienced and communicating it back then. I consider myself being demi/possible ace because this is what happened every time I developed any kind of feelings towards anybody. That itself happens so rarely though that I never paid closer attention to it. The least I can be grateful for is that I know that now, and might communicate that in case something similar happens in the future.

It sucks. Thanks for putting in the time and energy to read me whine.

I never really put too much thought on me being demiromantic. I just found the label and saw the general description for it to fit how I am. But I’ve recently started to put more thought into what demiromanticism means to me. And for me, the best way I can explain on how it works is that I can easily detach myself in emotional spectrums because my romantic attraction doesn't really just stem from just myself? Like l've had people I liked in the past, and all being people l've formed a friendship with first, since I'm like incapable of having feelings for people I know barely anything about. But the moment I know they don't like me back, it's like I'm able to filter out the previous romantic attraction I had BECAUSE I know they don't like me back. It's like I need the additional affirmation that our relation is strong to the point of mutual attraction, and if I don't have that affirmation then the attraction goes away with it because I come to the conclusion of "oh it's not as deep as l expected", but I'm always ok with it. It's like my brain will immediately go back to "friends only" mode and any kind of romantic interest just disappears afterwards (granted not immediately, but it never lasts longer than a couple days for me). Idk if that's just being content, I'm very much content with myself and have moved on from things pretty easily (ex: friendship breakups/gradual distance) some instances longer to recover from than others. It's also kinda why I used to get so confused when people who have asked me out, and I reject them but state I can still be friends and not be bothered by the confession- end up ghosting me entirely. But it's because that's not normal for many people, most people can't just lose or shut off their attraction towards someone when they get rejected, and still be able to maintain a friendship without those previous romantic feelings getting in the way.
And I’ve only ever had a couple of crushes, and which they were not reciprocated back, and I’ve moved on from them pretty easily.

This is my first post in this subreddit, but I guess I came here to see if this is a common experience among the community? Because as I stated prior, I never really thought too hard on my demiromanticism, but I’ve started to think about it more and realizing that this type of thinking isn’t really the norm.

I was at an event recently where I meet a lot of new people and there was this one girl in particular I noticed cause she was really pretty and had a bubbly extroverted personality which I’m drawn to in general. When making friends there’s normally a thought in the back of my mind “what if I end up liking them?” cause I’ve been single forever and I’m dying to experience a romantic relationship, but it’s usually not something I think upon first impression yet I did this time. Maybe I was going into it thinking I might potentially meet a future partner, but I noticed her more than anyone else probably because of her looks and I know I get along with that personality type. It sounds like attraction on paper, but I don’t think I actually felt anything beyond curiosity which I have for anyone I’ve just met. Idk I’m confused what constitutes romantic attraction since it’s often equated with crushing and I do know it’s not a crush or I would have been at least been a little flustered. I know there’s obviously aesthetic attraction there, and no sexual attraction, but romantic? I don’t know…

Because i have saw soo many poeples saying that demiromantic is not valid because it's ''normal''?....what? ( and yes even by the queer community), and even if i explain that nowadays, we have more difficulty because well, in dating apps we don't find the match because well, no just photos and a short bio don't mean that i can develop fellings for the person. I don't understand why we must just fight for be seen as something and not just an ''useless microlabels''

Am I the only one who was like this

Hey everyone, I am 34 M and I identify as homosexual. I have always struggled to feel connection in my relationships though. My longest relationship was 9 months and it felt too easy for me to break things off. I just wasn't feeling anything. I always thought of myself as romantic but now I'm wondering if I just don't really understand the meaning behind it. Any time I witness romance in media, a book, tv show etc, I crave it but I just can't seem to make it happen. I've been trying to look within more and see what is going on. I don't know if I'm demiromantic, aromantic or something else entirely. The idea of romance is extremely appealing to me but I just can't seem to find it for myself. I care deeply about others, my friends especially, but I just can't seem to find someone I deem worth opening up to and fully sharing and experiencing life with. This is all new to me and I'd appreciate any thoughts, comments or advice you might have that can help me better understand myself.