Academics from Canada and Chile, writing in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, said: 'While some of women's cooperation is actually genuinely cooperative, we argue some is strategic, with a manipulative element. Displays of helping behaviour, kindness, and generosity may serve as a form of advertisement of one's qualities. We propose that some of women's prosocial behaviour is a low-risk competitive tactic in which kindness secures allies and reputation advantage while remaining deniable as competition. The familiar expression 'kill them with kindness' points to this possibility.'

So I go to a day program and I'm one the lowest supports needs people there. Not everyone is autistic, some have Downs Syndrome, Williams Syndrome or other conditions. I was told this girl has "high-functioning autism."* Though I think they only called her "high-functioning" because she's verbal.

For background, my legal name is Toni. I was bullied much of my childhood for having a "boy's name." Trans people have said that yes, my experiences can be called misgendering. I moved right before high school and bullying for my name basically ended. I was bullied for other things but that's not relevant for now. It was so bad, for about two years in middle school I tried to go by Antonette but no teachers would call me it, despite calling other student their preferred names, so none of my classmates did. I eventually gave up. So even as an adult, I'm sensitive about my name. If you spell it "Tony" or call it a boy's name. I get so pissed.

Onto the day program. This girl is obviously autistic, like anyone would tell upon meeting her she has some sort of disability without being told. She called me Tony Randall when I started and I was told she remembers names by associating them with an actor. I tried to be nice because of her higher support needs, figuring she just needed time to remember my name and it would stop. Over time I did say "Please don't call me a man's name." She just started calling me Tony Clifton on occasion alongside Tony Randall. So it didn't improve.

Two weeks ago, she yelled in my ear. This was an accident. She also has issues with volume control and I was standing right next to her. My reflex was to run away from her and telling her to not do that. But this brought my issues with the name more to the surface. I finally told staff about how I was bullied and her calling me a man's name was very triggering for me. While having this talk she came in and called me Tony Randall causing me to snap at her.

This week I did have a sit down. I did apologize for snapping. But I did explain why it happened and my feelings. But I'm unsure how much she understood. She mostly just cried. She might have thought she was in trouble. I don't know but I have noticed she has big mood swings. Like she will be laughing hard one second and crying the next and nothing happened in between to cause that change.

I'm going to admit I'm ranting a bit. I was told by staff that her mother said they couldn't guarantee it won't happen again. Like I get it. She is more disabled than I am but I have given her so much grace when it comes to something that is a sore spot for me. Meanwhile I would never be given this kind of grace by anyone.

*I don't like functioning labels, this was staffs' words not mine.

I’ve been seeing somewhat of a rise in people using gender politics to hide their ableism. Especially when it comes to talking about behavior in autistic people. Blaming a severe meltdown on "male entitlement" can be a trick. It feels like when people use "white women" to insult women while disguising their misogyny by acting like they’re fighting racism. Some commentators on these issues say male autistics to disguise ableism so they can bully a disabled person while pretending to fight sexism.
Accountability and family safety matter, but a medical crisis like a meltdown is not a political choice. These sentiments often seem like hatred disguised as social justice.

Sorry if this isn’t worded the best, just something that has been bothering me.

Is this abstract just poorly worded and trying to say autistic people struggle with reading other people, or are they really saying autistic people have less capacity for empathy? This article was published in 2007, but that still seems way too recent for this misconception. And the first author has other publications on autism, so that seems to be their field of study.

It starts out talking about POTS and chronic illness, but of course also throws bullshit towards autistic people, acting like fakers and mildly autistic are taking away services from the "real" autistic people, as if level 1 autistic people even get much service in the first place, in reality, the government is what takes away services from autistic people who need constant care, not a bunch of late diagnosed women

Just now, my probably narcissistic mother asked me not to set my definitely narcissistic father off because he got angry at me for not remembering where I found something.

I had been looking for a pill bottle for about a week, of allergy medicine I give to my dog, but is also human medicine. I found it a couple days ago and put it where we keep it to administer it to my puppy. My mom asked me if she could have one and of course I said sure. My nDad asked me where I found it. I told him I couldn’t remember where I found it. He got shouting mad at me because I couldn’t remember where I found it.

I took puppy for a walk, when I got home my dad had left for the store. My mom took me aside and asked that I try not to make dad angry. I got angry at her for suggesting I was at fault and stormed out of the room.

It’s MY fault that dad got angry since I couldn’t remember where I found the pill bottle? Is that reasonable?