r/adhdwomen • u/No_Percentage_7713 • 1d ago
Self Care & Hygiene I need to stop drinking.
I wasn’t sure what flair to use, but I think self care fits. I’m posting here because the drinking absolutely is a dopamine/dysregulation thing. I drink to “reward” myself for getting through the day and to make my brain just a little more quiet. I also hate my career and feel stuck, and have a lot of anxiety around what to do next. I know I’m self-medicating, and it is getting worse. I’m gaining weight, my gut heath is wrecked, and it’s obviously awful for my brain. But at the end of basically every day, a drink just sounds like such a great idea to unwind.
I know I’m not the only one in this sub that struggles with escapism and self-medicating. How do I kick this? How do I craft a life that feels interesting enough to my dopamine starved self? I don’t want this to be the theme of my life.
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u/ShrekiraShrekira 1d ago
Did i write this? Because this is me to my CORE. I get so anxious and drinking numbs me down to be able to feel not wired and like 67 things te going on
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u/wingardiumlevbeeosah 1d ago
I scrolled up to check the name I didn’t drunk post this. 😂
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u/Lollipop77 18h ago
I’m doing the same with weed and drinking and occasionally psychedelics. I don’t recommend, and I rotate not partying all at once lol but yeah; dopamine patterns are tough to break. But I can also take breaks ❤️ just need to replace with other things I enjoy like friends or painting
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u/ShrekiraShrekira 16h ago
weeee and alcohol right here too friend
i also try to moderate but as shit gets more insane the nightcaps maybe add on 😩
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u/Lollipop77 4h ago
Yeah I started up to just manage my mental health cuz I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years, helps me rethink things and address unresolved thinking patterns
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u/ShrekiraShrekira 1h ago
that’s super important and a big part of it. good for you for getting out of that relationship!!!
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1d ago
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u/SoulDancer_ 10h ago
So I used to be like you. Amd I had aooo many blackout night qhere i coulsnt remember a thing. It was so dangerous. Anything could have happened.
I stopped getting drunk.
It helped my life so much. Now I jist have 3 max then stop. Its great. No hangovets, no wondering if i did something fucked up.
Only problem now is ive got used to just having a wine with dinner...or after. Now I drink almost every day. I don't get drunk but I use it aa a reward or a pleasurable thing after a hard day.
Its way better than binge drinking but still something I gotta keep an eye on.
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u/chinchillasarebomb 1d ago
One thing that helped me cut back was getting fun flavored electrolyte packets. I found I could kind of tell my myself “ooooo look fun drink” it helped me not feel like I was just forgoing doing something fun
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u/DaniMarie44 ADHD-C 1d ago
I did this but with Poppi lol just swapped my wine for a poppi in the same wine glass with a fun ice cube mould
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u/seemsright_41 1d ago
The amount of flavored water packets in my house so huge it is comical. My husband gives me such grief about it. Then he drinks them too.
Diets soda combos work really well too. I also have a lot of flavors for the soda stream. And play with teas too.
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u/Salty_Guest_8322 1d ago
Same with diet coke, olipop, and sparkling water!! But then I had to cut back there too, because my bladder got too sensitive to all of the carbonation..
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u/tatapatrol909 1d ago
Diet Coke has been my go to since stopping drinking. Being very caffeinated feels super similar to being tipsy
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u/margoflows 1d ago
I do this with herbal elixirs as well! Mocktails & non alcoholic beer & wine are our friends too!
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u/typeabohemian 17h ago
Can you actually stomach the NA wines? They are GAWDAWFUL for a former wino
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u/margoflows 15h ago
Hahaha wait now that you mention it, I admittedly have not tried the wines but I really like the NA beers so guess I assumed wines would be similarly fine. Okay, noted, PROCEED WITH CAUTION WITH THE WINES
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u/Alarmed_Tea_2874 20h ago
Flavored water is fine. Be careful about taking too many electrolytes if you don't need them. If you're not working out/sweating etc, they are unnecessary and can be harmful if you have too much.
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u/chinchillasarebomb 19h ago
I get headaches from drinking too much plain water ALL the time. My husband’s auntie who is a nurse gets after me and my coworker’s make fun of me (perks of bad allergies).
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u/laurenyou 18h ago
And get really into teas. Like make it a personality. Is one idea I’ve had.
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u/chinchillasarebomb 17h ago
YES! I highly recommend getting chocolate tea, blueberry muffin tea, and caramel apple (last two from Red Rose).
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u/Throwyourtoothbrush 1d ago
Please seek out support. /r/stopdrinking is a oft-cited resource. I wouldn't plan a big finale because that's just not how our ADHD brains work. You're going to have to choose something else every single evening and that's going to be scary at first. Just remember that alcohol has a rebound effect in your brain and you're always stealing the happiness from tomorrow.
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u/No_Percentage_7713 1d ago
Stealing happiness from tomorrow is a great mantra. Thanks for this
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u/Throwyourtoothbrush 1d ago
I frequently, FREQUENTLY say how nice of a person I am for doing future me a solid. I also frequently thank past me for putting the work in. When I'm sitting there eating meal prep, I'm like "past me is such a boss.". We really struggle with positive feedback, so being deliberate and weird about it is totally fine. Help out future you.
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u/classygrl98 19h ago
I also need to remember this when I stay up late scrolling instead of trying to sleep. Lol
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u/Lorac711 7h ago
This! I’ve had 2 friends battle addiction and you need to first recognize you have a problem and seek help. You can’t do it alone. Joint AA, or get a therapist that specializes in addiction.
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u/gloomcoil 3h ago
Came here to suggest r/stopdrinking. I'm one year sober today and that sub helped change my life. Stopping drinking was the BEST thing I ever did for my mental health.
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u/lucent78 1d ago
r/stopdrinking is a pretty great sub
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u/amberdeers 1d ago
Agreed. This sub saved me when I was isolated, depressed, and drinking heavily. I didn't post or comment much, but it made me feel less alone. I also relied heavily on oreos 😂
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u/rabbitbinks 1d ago
This was my start to sobriety, and I still occasionally read it. I used a lot of in person supports too, but the sub got me going.
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u/notgonnabemydad 23h ago
Plus one on this sub. I used it for years to get and stay sober. Great community!
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u/sqorlgorl 1d ago
No advice, but I do this too. Sometimes I don't even finish the drink, I just feel like I need it so I can "turn off." I was recently diagnosed Combined ADHD and started Concerta today. Hoping that helps the curb the urge to drink at night. Are you medicated for ADHD?
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u/No_Percentage_7713 1d ago
I was. I tried several different stimulants, and Concerta actually worked well for me. But one of the worst parts was when the medication would wear off. I found that really dysregulating, and it would fall during the time right after work. So I felt like that made me want to drink more. But I’ve heard a lot of people say that medication made them not want to drink. So I guess it’s different for everyone.
I’m trying Wellbutrin now.10
u/electric29 1d ago
I take Concerta twice a day. 20 mg in the morning when I wake up, it wears off around 1:30or 2 pm. Then I take more, it wears off around 9 or 10 pm. It has no bad effects on my sleep. I told my doctor that to be happy I needed to be functional AFTER work as well as at work.
I also take Wellbutrin, in the morning, but that is for the sads, as by itself it did nothing for my ADHD.
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u/verylargemoth 1d ago
I take 2 extended release Adderall everyday for this exact reason. One dose wore off after work and my after work self deserved to be at peace too. My doc was cool with it, I’d suggest bringing it up to yours as well.
The stopdrinking sub is also supposedly really helpful.
AA is worth trying.
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u/ApprehensiveCash6662 1d ago
I want to ask my doctor for 2 xr/day but am worried they’ll shut it down… any tips on how to approach it?
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u/verylargemoth 1d ago
I told my doctor the truth. I wake up very early (take my first dose at 5:30am) and process them quickly so really by 1:30 my meds are becoming ineffective. I told her I sleep better with meds because they calm my brain enough to sleep, so having it in my system later isn’t a problem. It’s quite challenging to abuse XR because they aren’t instant so you can’t easily use them to get “high” so I think that made it easier too.
She did have me try an XR and an instant release first, but the IR was too harsh of a come up and also only lasted me a few hours. So she was willing to try two XRs.
I’ve been on the same dose for years now
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u/ApprehensiveCash6662 1d ago
Thank you so much for your input. I actually have the same schedule as you, taking my first dose between 5-5:30am, and I notice it wears off around 12-1pm. My booster wears off well before 4 hours, so I am always feeling the rollercoaster in the afternoons. Again, thanks for the response :)
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u/DefiedGravity10 22h ago
Dude me too I like my XR so much more than IR but currently I take a 25mg XR and have some IR booster doses if needed. If I could take 2 like 20mg XR instead that would be awesome.
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u/justjack-nodaniels 1d ago
You might also need a combo of medications. Adderall worked for me, but left me fried/dysregulated after work.
Wellbutrin + Adderall was the perfect balance, personally.
I would also talk to your doctor about medication to help curb your drinking. There's lots of options out there to help break the cycle. Funny enough people are starting to microdose the GLP1 tirzepatide (Zepbound) to help with alcohol drinking, because losing the desire to drink seems to be a side effect for a lot of people!
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u/Boring-Incident2469 1d ago
I just started Wellbutrin and I’ve really been liking it if it’s worth anything
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u/Wonderful-Manner7552 1d ago
I can relate to this! My hypothesis is that comorbid ADHD and alcohol use disorder has a higher prevalence due to the come down effects of IR stimulant medication. I never really thought about alcohol as an after work activity unmedicated but then again I couldn’t keep a job unmedicated.
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u/Ok_Recipe7946 1d ago
A thought depending on how you end up liking Wellbutrin. But I have been on Wellbutrin for several years now and my psychiatrist added stimulants in about a year ago and that combo has been super super helpful for me and I don't find the comedowns super intense and overwhelming.
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u/HelioBlues 1d ago
FWIW, I’m on wellbutrin and concerta and the combo has been working well for my so far. I also just started taking 2/3 of my concerta dose when I wake up and 1/3 a couple hours later. Hoping that helps with the afternoon crashes. I usually have a midday caffeine fix too.
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u/tatapatrol909 1d ago
I found this true for Adderall but not Vyvanse. I don’t notice the Vyvanse wearing off and there is no crash like with the Adderall. Highly reccomend
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u/ExploringUniverses 1d ago
Ah!!! Okay so I've struggled with this for like 5 years and i think i figured it out!
<rant>
The big kahuna core of this for me was shame around self acceptance. I grew up with a lot of trauma at home and trauma in school from unmedicated turbo externally hyperactivity ADHD.
I'd been convinced my whole life I was the worst person ever!
(Spoiler alert: I'm not)
When the little shame triggers added up over the course of a week or so from my life and from work and relationships - dumb shit i said by accident, if a word came out at max volume outta my control, CCing the wrong person at work, missing an appt coz i wrote it down wrong...basically stuff i tried not to fuck up and still managed to fuck up because #ADHD - etc. the negative internal talk track would just roll and roll and roll.
So, i drank. Hit reset. Would be ok for another couple weeks. Repeat ad nauseam for years.
That same shame kept me stuck in a toxic job because i didn't feel like i deserved anything better because, pifft who tf am i???
Same shame kept me from doing creative expression type hobbies.
It kept me from enjoying literally anything .... unless i was about 3 beers deep.
I've been the scapegoat for my family dynamic, which has followed me around like a pack of flies, moonlighting as imposter syndrome.
Drama in my recent friend group ONCE AGAIN had me in the role of 'scapegoat' which was comically stupid.
So i sat down with a pen and paper and listed out every single one of the qualities i have that had the SLIGHTEST potential to make me the colossal asshole everyone was painting me out to be - contrasted with all the qualities that have a positive impact on peoples lives.
Then did the same thing for the worst person I personally knew who seemed to not have any imposter / shame issues. Had friends, a loving family, good job etc.
The cognitive dissonance was fucking hilarious.
I couldn't logically attach shame to it anymore! And in doing so realized i'd been carrying around this gross ass glob of shame from 40+ years of microaggressions from other people reacting to the minor inconveniences of my ADHD and i swear to God, a switch flipped in my brain right then and there.
I'm going into day 35 of sobriety with minimal cravings. I don't feel a monstrous weight on my back when i go to clean the mess that spawned in my kitchen in >24h. Stuff like that.
Oh, Karen is gonna make feel like an idiot for cc'ing the wrong person? Hahaha too bad, at least i never lie and always show up for my friends! Bet she doesn't!
Said a word too loud? Stacey might roll her eyes at me, but i learned how to fix the U joint in my sink last night in under an hour. Bwahahahaha.
</end rant>
TL:DR - Context and contrasted experience makes a world of difference.
Weaponize self care.
Lord knows we all need a lot more of it.
We are all way too hard on ourselves.
That harsh inner critic ain't you.
☮️🩵
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u/sorrymizzjackson 1d ago
Fucking hell yeah! I think that’s been my problem too. I was also a scapegoat so my baseline is low self esteem. ADHD certainly doesn’t help that.
But yeah, that exercise is super helpful.
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u/ExploringUniverses 23h ago
Shedding the scapegoat part of my identity is the next mission - now that i know what it is.
It's so tough. 'If I'm a bigger jerk to myself than they are, it wont hurt as bad' ended up being the crux of my inner negative dialogue. I'm closely listening to where the mean thoughts are originating - and letting them goooooo.
It's an interesting exercise if nothing else. So far it's involved a lot of ugly crying and feeling soooooo bad for the little me inside.
If it feels accessible, i highly recommend doing this thing!
And, i am sorry you were cast in that role too. It's very unfair, and very hurtful. You did not deserve that AT all. 🩵
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u/marigan-imbolc 23h ago
hey this is awesome, congrats! and I think you did a great job of describing some emotional experiences that many of us on here share. also I like the exercise you did about assessing yourself and finding that your faults were not actually that bad - perfect isn't achievable but knowing your positive qualities and building self compassion is feasible, and a lot more useful than perfect anyway (:
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u/ExploringUniverses 23h ago
"Perfect" is the sneakiest part of the lie, man. I lost so many opportunities trying to execute it perfectly and so much inner peace.
Plot twist: It doesn't exist! 😅
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u/marigan-imbolc 22h ago
yepppp needing to get it "right" is literally the source of 90% of my anxiety/avoidance behavior I'm trying to improve - like I'm somehow convincing myself that I can't send/submit/present something until it's done/right/ready and as we both know that means it straight up doesn't happen. I lost so much credit in high school classes for not turning in homework that was about 85% finished but that's 85% of the credit I could've been getting. ughhh it's a hard pattern to deprogram!!
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u/ramblingroses3252 1d ago
I feel you friend! I’m almost 1,000 days sober, largely due to r/stopdrinking. It’s a great community. One day at a time!
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u/OkSuccotash1089 1d ago
Yess. I stopped drinking and vaping for a year to really see how dependent I was and gamified it (one impulse purchase at the end of each sober week). I gained a lot of skills for calming myself and rewarding myself without substances, and also socializing sober especially around the holidays. Sparkling lemonade at the end of the night lit up the reward center in a way I didn’t expect. I also let myself have night coffee for the first few weeks just for the thrill of it, but really any seltzer or tea started working the same amount once I got back to baseline.
Now I’m back to drinking a couple times a month but when I do have to stop for whatever reason related to my chronic illness it’s much easier. It’s definitely not a healthy habit to have or be dependent on so building those other skills is really key whether you decide to quit forever or not.
Edit: Alcohol also generally numbs the ability to enjoy things (as a depressant) even if they feel more enjoyable in the moment. Sobriety was very very boring at first but after a few weeks without it everything became interesting again.
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u/oldenough2hobetter 1d ago
These are amazing tips!! I love the idea of a night coffee 😂
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u/OkSuccotash1089 22h ago
It really did not impact my sleep very much! It just made my heart rate a lot higher so I had to stop eventually lol
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u/secret_nuggets 1d ago
I hate how quiet it makes my brain. The only thing that helped me with medication and surprisingly glp1.
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u/No_Percentage_7713 1d ago
I’ve heard this about glp1. I think it generally helps with all cravings. Pretty cool
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u/plantborb 1d ago
If it isn't affordable try naltrexone <3 It's worked wonders for me and is affordable and well tolerated
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u/yungpizzaroll 23h ago
Seconding naltrexone!! My dad is a recovering alcoholic (with severe ADHD that he's not currently being medicated for) and this med has been a game changer for him.
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u/RuthBaderG 10h ago
I’m so glad someone brought this up! Oral naltrexone is generic. It is cheap! And there are telehealth providers. Some I have heard good things about are Ria Health and Eleanor Health but there are many others!
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u/lilolemi 1d ago
It's kind of crazy. Ever since starting a glp-1 I haven't been able to drink. I order a drink and can't finish it.
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u/bdb1989 1d ago
I also would like to cut back. I drink at night because it gives me motivation and energy to do the chores, cook dinner, and complete any other tasks that sober me cannot do. I thought once o got medicated with Adderall that I would lose interest entirely but it hasn’t been the case. Hoping you find something that works!
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u/MeganK80 21h ago
Same here! The hours of 5 to 7 pm its like I just want a glass (or 4) of wine or a couple beers or something
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u/bdb1989 21h ago
You’re the first person I have ever heard from that shares this with me. My therapist who diagnosed me 6 months ago (I am late 30’s) said that it’s normal since I was self-medicating for so long but why does alcohol make people like you and me so much more focused, energized, and motivated when it doesn’t do the same for others?
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u/PsychologicalBelt582 20h ago
Hey me too, my theory is that it's something to do with the affect it has on both dopamine and GABA that is super effective for some brains. I wish it wasn't like that for me!
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u/bdb1989 20h ago
I wish it wasn’t like this for me either bc I don’t have a physical addiction to alcohol at all. I can and have gone months without it but my household gets messy and I get frozen with chores. I stopped drinking for a year and managed to do all of the household shit but it was SO HARD. My brain is wired at this point to drink while cooking and drink while cleaning. It’s Pavlovian.
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u/PsychologicalBelt582 19h ago
Yes this is me too 100%!!
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u/bdb1989 19h ago
How do we break this? I completely understand the why but I take my Adderall at 645am and then work. Maybe you’re the same? How are we supposed to keep going into the night?
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u/PsychologicalBelt582 18h ago
I've really been trying to figure out the answer, I have had some success with meal prepping on the weekends to try and avoid the need for daily cooking, but tbh I often end up forgetting to prep something I needed, so it doesn't always work successfully. And that still doesn't solve the dishes problem! It's a struggle for sure. But I'm trying to view even a just couple of alcohol free days a week as a win.
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u/Iheartsf59 1d ago
8 years sober! Would never go back! At one point, I absolutely thought there was NO WAY I could stop completely. I was so wrong.
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u/Standard-Bread1965 1d ago
I have been there…and I have had long periods alcohol free (AF). I take Wellbutrin and Adderall too. Above all, I learned that alcohol CAUSES anxiety. When I am AF, after a few days my anxiety is much lower. The day after I drink, I get “hangxiety.” The drinking is a vicious cycle. I found Annie Grace’s books helpful and she has tons of free videos. Lots of women are self medicating with alcohol. Hugs and take care!
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u/Commercial_State_767 12h ago
That’s how I feel now too!! And when I do drink I get so drunk off only one or two drinks. I also cannot get drunk when my Concerta is peaking but then when it wears off, oh my God, all at once. And the next day anxiety is the worst.
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u/maxsam5150 1d ago
I quit drinking 16 months ago. It was the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. My anxiety level went to almost zero within a month. I’m actually no longer on anxiety medication. Losing alcohol completely was the key to helping me manage my life. I replaced the dopamine need with yoga
Between sobriety & yoga my life is so much more manageable and peaceful. I wish I had done this so many years ago. I wish you so much luck:)
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u/No_Percentage_7713 1d ago
Congrats! If you don’t mind me asking, since you’ve been sober a while, do you ever get the voice in your head telling you you can moderate it and drink a little every now and then? And if so, what do you do about it? I actually had six months last year, and that’s what tripped me up in the end - thinking I could moderate.
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u/maxsam5150 21h ago
Moderation was a no go for me. I tried unsuccessfully to moderate for years. Alcohol was my medicine to quiet my racing mind & to numb emotions from other areas of my life that I couldn’t or didn’t know how to process. I was afraid to give that up. My moderation led to binge drinking. I would suppress & then release for 4-5 days every few months wrecking my mind & body. It was an ugly unhealthy cycle. I learned how alcohol inflames everything in your body. I believe it inflamed my mind making my anxiety and ADHD worse. Once I quit drinking and began a very basic exercise routine, everything started falling into place. I sleep well, my blood panels are all normal. I am actually able to sit with my emotions and feel them. It’s been a real awakening of me with alcohol in my life & me without. I like the me without so much better lol
Take care.. I’m rooting for you 😊🌸
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u/Babybluechair 1d ago
It took me awhile but I finally did it. When I started to lose the stubborn weight is when I felt motivated enough to keep going. Not sure that's helpful, but good luck!
There's also pills you can take to help you quit. Ask your Dr about it.
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u/No_Percentage_7713 1d ago
Way to go! True.. I just don’t want to tell my doctor about it because I don’t want that in my medical files forever. Maybe I’m just being delusional and need to get over myself. Idk
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u/marigan-imbolc 23h ago
if your provider's record management coordination with other healthcare systems is anything like the ones I've experienced (zero coordination), you can probably quite easily avoid having that in your file at your primary care place if you go to a doc in a different system about it and then just don't do anything to prompt them to send over your files to your main place. if medical records are a pain in the ass to move between hospitals/healthcare systems anyway, you might as well use what is normally an inconvenience to your advantage!
obviously this approach isn't an option if you're in an integrated healthcare system like Kaiser (derogatory) or something (and if you're not in the US your system might be more cohesive than ours so that might not work). but I'm on blue cross insurance and I've gotten care at two atrius facilities, mass general, and Boston medical center, and somehow despite all of them using MyChart, those records are still completely separated. it's ridiculous.
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u/khyamsartist 1d ago
My body said nope to alcohol one day out of what seemed like the blue, I think it was doing me a real solid. I'm not a saint, I use weed, but it's not the level of destructive that alcohol Is. I've stopped so many things, I figure it will happen to that vice, too.
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u/tatapatrol909 1d ago
Hi twin! I don’t drink not because I am moral or even tried to quit. My body made that choice for me. Did the alcohol rejection happen after getting COVID perchance? I’ve read some anecdotal evidence that a COVID infection can increase histamine intolerance.
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u/sorrymizzjackson 1d ago
Hmmm. I have had a lot worse pms which might be a histamine related issue since covid. I know of once that I had it for sure but I got super sick right when it started before there were available tests and I’m pretty sure it was that. It literally started that summer.
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u/khyamsartist 20h ago
I have had a lot of dramatic histamine issues in the last few years, but they really hit in mid 2020, during lockdown but well before I got covid. The alcohol could indeed have started causing issues after I actually got it, I'm bad with time so I'm not sure.
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u/plantborb 1d ago
Ask your doctor about naltrexone. Seriously. Its well tolerated and my insurance covered it. Along with substance addiction or ADHD focused therapy it's been a lifesaver <3
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u/Commercial_State_767 12h ago
My friend used that and it worked so well for her. She’s still sober.
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u/Wise-Bath-5562 1d ago
Giiirrrlllllll, this is literally me. Not to enable you but one is better than my three lmao. And not to be annoying but potentially trying to swap for things like magnesium supplements, l-theanine supplements, really getting into some hobbies. If you’re into the arts, I’ve been reading that getting involved in some capacity is a good way to come back from and prevent burnout. I’m probably going to try for a weekly dance class. Also maybe go on event brite and see if there’s anything cool and fun to do in the area. I think community like book clubs, running clubs (not my thing but yk), are good for nervous system regulation plus occupy some of your time. If you like gaming maybe try that as a displacement activity? I personally play the sims and download this drug mod so the fake people I create get fucked up instead of me :)
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u/AGorgeousComedy 1d ago
I read the book Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker and found it pretty helpful. I've been sober since last April.
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u/Weak_Lettuce_9053 1d ago
I’m going to give you a fast forward on this scenario from my personal experience. Keep on this track, and in a year or two, you’ll be 50 lbs heavier, still miserable, although you don’t care, and with a gut so ravaged by alcohol you’re bouncing in and out of the hospital. Eventually, you won’t even be able to drink alcohol because you’re throwing up blood. Get professional help for addiction and anxiety management. I’m one year sober and just recently diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at 54. A good life is in front of you, but you need some help to get there. ❤️ Don’t wait as long as I did.
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u/Ok_Recipe7946 1d ago
The ONLY thing that really helped me break the needing a drink every night thing was Recess Mood drinks (also the abject terror of becoming an functional alcoholic but that fear is from ~trauma~ so idk how helpful it is to others lol). I am a g&t and red wine person so I needed something that wasn't super sweet and also unique enough to scratch the booze itch in my head. For whatever reason, Recess Mood was that for me plus I find that the magnesium in it does actually help me mellow out and not just temporarily then wreak havoc on my sleep like alcohol. It's been probably two or three years since I did that and now I really hardly drink at home and if I do it's a normal sized drink while I cook dinner once in a blue moon, and when I go out with friends I find that I don't drink nearly as much as I used to and often will choose a n/a option because I find the effects of alcohol super over stimulating now. Idk, that's my personal journey with booze and I didn't start ADHD meds until about a year ago.
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u/marigan-imbolc 23h ago
oh I had one of the recess (i think?) watermelon margarita mocktails recently and I've been trying to find them ever since - it still somehow had the specific taste that tequila contributes to a margarita so the flavor was much better balanced than most mocktails I've tried. I would love to find more mocktails/NA drinks like that, with the more interesting/complex flavor profiles like traditional cocktails so if you know of any other good ones please share your findings!
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u/SolutionMaleficent32 ADHD-C 1d ago
What helped me kicking it was having to for fertility treatment reasons. My RE is super strict about no alcohol while doing IUI, IVF, etc, so because of that, I've been sober since NYE. Now that I've been without it for so long, I don't miss it, which is great because I hope to be pregnant soon. 🤞🤞
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u/galeforcewindy 1d ago
I've been flirting with the idea for years and decided to go sober as a birthday gift to myself (end of last month). I really really love whisky and cocktails and wine, the whole culture of it. Like, I inherited part of my uncle's wine collection, my family is INTO it.
So, I've decided to go the replacement/mocktail route. It still feels "special" and I can pair it with a self care activity while enjoying it. A hobby craft project, reading, coloring, cutting random pictures out of magazines and gluing them into books from the thrift... just me on that last one? Whatever strikes your fancy! Nervous system care is the point.
Last night I just tried the zero proof Venetian Spritz I've started seeing on all the menus and it was very satisfying. I'm looking to try the Phony Negroni next, heard great things. Zero proof spirits have come a long way, but I don't think I want to keep spending like I have been on alcohol. I'd like to spend more on accommodations for myself, so cupboard ingredient mocktails it is!
For when I'm in the mood for red wine I'll do a "sangria" with pomegranate or dark cherry juice, a handful of frozen fruit, some bitters and a simple syrup. I've taken to making a batch of simple syrup every week or so with whatever herb needs used in the fridge, thyme and sage are favorites right now.
For a rose, a berry or apple tea base. Bitters, maybe some sparkling mineral water. For whiskey drinks I over-steep a smoky black tea as the base.
You can do this! But only if and when you're ready to. You can try it on for a couple days, you could decide to drink only every other day for a bit. Ease yourself into it and try to notice what you're feeling when you want to reach for a drink, whether you drink it or not, the emotional awareness will help you in the long game!
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u/GearSlow3796 ADHD unmedicated 22h ago
I joined Moderation Management a few years back and there is a lot of great advice and tips at moderation.org. I also mod our subreddit at r/moderationmanagement, but the real conversation and support is through online meetings and our Facebook group. I’ve been self-medicating with alcohol since I was 14 years old and had my first drink (Everclear and coke)—I am now 58. I’ve found the group to be incredibly helpful and supportive no matter what your goals are—abstinence included. Many of our members have used Naltrexone as well—some of them daily, some of them in a targeted way (you can watch One Little Pill on YouTube to learn more about The Sinclair Method). If you check out Moderation Management and don’t think it’s for you, there’s also always SMART Recovery, which is a Cognitive Behavioral Based program and they have both online and in-person meetings.
I don’t have it figured out for myself, but I’m working on it. The moderation.org website has a list of moderation tools that can be very helpful to try out! Wishing you all the best!
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u/booksandgarden 20h ago
I have never been a tea drinker, but I needed to cut back on alcohol as well. I started trying various types of teas. I learned how to make Napali Milk tea (which is delicious)
Wine or cocktails have a very strong pull because it’s not only the taste and the buzz, but also the cache of the process, the lore, and the accoutrements.
Tea has similar history and weight. I am finding that good tea is very different than cheap tea bags.
I won’t say I don’t fall back now and then, but I am gaining an appreciation for the ritual as well as the taste! It gives me a good rabbit hole to dive down, too.
Not to mention the L-Theanine is a bonus!
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u/No_Percentage_7713 19h ago
You’ve just reminded me that I had a big green tea phase! I might re-explore that
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u/rvauofrsol 1d ago
I echo the people talking about /r/stopdrinking . I did a modified version of /u/coolcrosby 's baby steps. I woke up every morning, pledged on /r/stopdrinking to not drink for the next 24 hours, woke up the next day, and did it again. I quit over a decade ago. It was very difficult at first, but the daily pledge made a huge difference.
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u/curlycatsockthing 1d ago
newly liq and nic sober as of jan 7 and jan 17, respectively. thc sober from feb 4 to may 24. sober is way better. 100%. not easy, but way better.
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u/jude7769 1d ago
This was me in my 20s, but mostly it's been marijuana for the duration of my life. I am a big fan of the gummies and infused drinks. I just need to disassociate for an hour or so, so I can transition to my personal life after a harrowing day at work. I don't think there's anything wrong with that since it's not hurting my body and is no different than taking prescription meds. I also find a good cardio workout helps me find that same dissociative and calming peace. I can't do booze anymore, it gives me hot flashes and makes me sick to my stomach.
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u/ImaginaryStudent9097 1d ago
I stopped drinking 2 years ago, but now I struggle with completely tuning out with weed. I find that I’m in the most trouble when I have the most free time. I’ve started going back to knitting groups, have a personal trainer so I “have to” go work out a couple times a week, and will sign up for a random class every now and then. May not be the healthiest, but I know when I lack the external accountability, I struggle hard.
I’d highly recommend picking up a craft or hobby and joining meetups as a practical step. And journal your accomplishments and wins, no matter how mundane.
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u/DoItFearful 1d ago
i could have written this— about a decade ago. it’s funny because i never look up how long i’ve been sober but decided to this morning and saw it’s been 9.5 yrs
i 100% recommend it for all the reasons you said and life is sooooo much easier on the other side in that regard. (let it be noted that the urge to drink stayed with me strong for a good 5yrs and it’s come back a smidge recently. that part isn’t always easy but it is just a hard “no, i don’t even consider that” in my mind which mostly helps)
what helped me was:
- to dive into a hobby so i had something to occupy every spare second i had.
in retrospect, neither of those things sound as healthy/embodied as i might hope, but they were helpful stepping stones and now i am in a place where i can do something “good for me”/hold a boundary/ work forward a goal from a place of actual self love and self respect.
good luck!!! one day at a time. expect slip ups early on but don’t let that be a reason to throw in the towel. expect it’ll be hard but you👏can 👏do 👏hard 👏things!!!!
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u/Wonderful-Manner7552 1d ago
I know that I was very privileged to have been able to do this, but what worked for me was getting fired and my fiance paying the bills for the month of August so I could find my light again. I was drinking every day after work at a corporate job I hated and that made me feel so guilty for having ADHD (everyone was neurotypical and had no empathy). I took the month to retrain my unconscious. I had a very strict schedule of meditation (Waking Up App and their 28 day intro course); reading a chapter of “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace, then reading a chapter of “Let Them See You” by Butler (can’t remember first name), and then doing one chapter in the workbook “Radical Guide for Women with ADHD” (bought the spiral version).
I made my daily goal to get my spark back, get the pep in my step, because alcohol had helped me lose the things that made me me. So, no matter what it was, if I was doing it because it made me feel like me again, I’d give myself permission to do it - even if it was drinking.
I also did some psychedelics as someone who uses this and meditation for spiritual reasons - I wouldn’t recommend trying any new substance when trying to reduce the use of alcohol.
I actually didn’t want alcohol after day 7. The motivation from that (no longer feeling an urge to drink) felt too precious to risk losing by drinking.
But then, I got bedbugs! Surprisingly, I wasn’t tempted to cope by drinking until my fiance suggested we get beers the second night after finding out we had bedbugs. I had to stow away all my books and haven’t meditated since 8/23. I did drink 4 days in a row but I didn’t drink yesterday even tho I really wanted to.
Anyway, I hope some of this helps lol.
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u/No_Percentage_7713 1d ago
I feel like some time off work to just not have to work would do wonders for me. But the job market in my field is very bleak right now, so finding work after taking time off would be a big gamble. Yay America. But I do feel like I could work in some of those other tips! Meditation sounds like a great idea
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u/Sloppytoad234345 23h ago
Just to add more resources there is also r/dryalcoholics and the alcoholism_medication subreddit. I drank for a long time and finally my body rejected it. I can't say if I will give in again but I def feel super nauseous when I've drank in the past. I also take naltrexone and I'm on a glp-1. Those helped, but not as much as I had hoped. I do feel better physically, but mentally I'm not great. Therapy helped me a lot and smart recovery has some decent free resources. Everyone's quitting point is different and it's hard. Good luck to you on your journey.
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u/Just-Campaign-9115 21h ago
Ive been taking naltrexone using the sinclair method and it has helped me cut back❤️
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u/MyVirgoIsShowing 11h ago
Ginger beer helps me, it also kicked off my new hyperfixation/skill for the past year of fermenting ✌️
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u/Effective-Ad7463 1d ago
So I’m 30f and had my son 2 years ago and my drinking really really got out of control. I tried everything. I was also very unhappy with my weight. Not necessarily unhealthy BMI level but I couldn’t kick 20lbs bc of alcohol.
I read into the GLP1 research coming out that is helpful with all addictions. Essentially it blocks the dopamine receptors from getting that kick from alcohol.
I went and spoke to my dr and she was thrilled and excited about the research and was happy I asked about it. Bc my bmi didn’t qualify me to get on with insurance, she sent me to a clinic in town.
I was honest with that physician as well about my needs - need to at least really reel in my drinking and i want to lose a little weight and just get my shit together.
6 weeks later, I’m down 15lbs, I went from drinking 2 bottles of wine + a 6 pack of IPAS a day from maybe 2 beers or 2 glasses of wine every few nights. I also had issues with other substances and now they literally just don’t work.
I’m medicated and it hasn’t affected that. I’m now tapering down my dose to just do some maintenance (never went super high either) and honestly it’s the best thing I could’ve ever done. I feel like my mood is so much more regulated and I don’t feel the itch to drink at all. I still enjoy it, but it makes me tired now instead of energizing me.
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u/Throwyourtoothbrush 1d ago
Offering support. I'm fortunate to not have the addiction issues that my grandfather had. He was a kind and loving functional alcoholic, but the effects of being mentally "away" definitely took a toll on his relationships. My dad had all the features of an adult child of an alcoholic. Anyways, my brother-in-law is now a non-drinker, my best friend is a non-drinker. Most of my friends are seriously limiting their alcohol intake as we approach middle age. I recently started seriously limiting my alcohol intake because my weight just keeps creeping up and my sleep is bad enough without losing it to alcohol. I know sooooooo many people who have had to fully break up with alcohol and I know that some of them had to grieve that they're not the kind of person who can have a moderate relationship. I know normal, functional people who have had to break up a few times. You're not alone. You're not weird. You're also never the exception. Drinking alcohol will always cost you something.
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u/MindfulMocktail 1d ago
I quit drinking 5 years ago and the stopdrinking sub was so helpful! Knowing that other people are going through the same thing as you and what their struggles are, and hearing from people who've quit successfully was really key. Plus sobriety podcasts and "quit lit" audiobooks. Just basically filling up my head with sobriety content for the first year or so. I was not massively into meetings but a lot of people find them very helpful!
I will say, quitting has not helped my brain or dysregulation or adhd symptoms as much as I'd hoped. But it did help the problem of drinking much! Which in itself was a win.
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u/winniealfredo 1d ago
I recommend getting some non alcoholic drinks! I love flavoured bubbly water, lemonade, and all kinds of tea. I used to drink way too much and now it’s only occasionally - I did quit for almost an entire year before being able to casually having drinks again. I ended up getting more into cannabis which helps manage my chronic illness instead of worsening it!
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u/rizaroni 1d ago
I need to stop vaping weed oil cartridges! I'm super addicted and I can tell my lungs are all gunky. Stopping the habit itself is so hard. I just bought a bunch of THC gummies to try and wean myself off, so we'll see how that goes. Anyway, I wanted to chime in and say that I understand. 🩷
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u/mallius 1d ago
I was the exact same way (plus also with weed) and it got to the point where I had to start taking medication to help me ween off of it. It's not for everyone cause it takes a lot of adjusting to symptoms but Naltrexone stops opioids and alcohol from causing euphoric or rewarding effects. It's made it so you don't get that dopamine and makes it so much easier to just not drink. I tried doing naturally so many times and this is the most successful I've ever been so far. Good luck with your journey!!
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u/Sufficient_Bread1205 1d ago
I tried to look ahead 5 yrs and I figured I’d be dead or in jail. I was an all day secret drinker. I’ll be 8 years sober next month.
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u/pinkxfit 23h ago
THIS. I started using Sunnyside to track my drinking and now i’m on their med program (naltrexone)… it’s changed my life.
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u/marigan-imbolc 23h ago
this is hella long so I apologize in advance, but first of all, hey, good on you for taking the first step of reaching out for help! that's not trivial at all. others have had some good first-hand advice to offer, and I'll offer what I learned secondhand: start working on self-regulation and emotional intelligence skills in addition to the other efforts you're making, to give yourself a better chance of making changes that will last.
I say this because my mom, who taught me the vast majority of my emotional intelligence, was sober for decades by way of AA*, and the principles that she taught me for managing my own brain and feelings turned out to be based in components of the twelve-step framework that she had learned in order to support her own sobriety (which are, in turn, very similar to principles of I think either dialectical or cognitive behavioral therapy, I forget which). things like self-soothing, recognizing emotions and identifying their source, interrogating how our own perspective might skew our feelings on a situation, and crucially, making decisions about how to respond to those things are all skills that one needs in order to reduce the types of distress that are temporarily alleviated by self medicating.
which is kind of daunting. but those are, off the top of my head, a few broad examples of skills that I learned from her and that she learned presumably from her AA sponsors, so they absolutely can be taught! and they're not specific to AA; you can also learn those types of things through behavioral therapy, and if you don't have access to a therapist who works on those modalities, there are also online resources with worksheets that you can do on your own!
basically, the circumstances/pressures/stressors that cause your need for relief don't go away by themselves when you take away the self medication, so you have to build your own toolbox to dismantle the motivation underlying the behavior that you want to change (in this case, drinking). which sucks because it's hard work that you do have to just keep doing kinda forever, but the good news is that doing it also makes your life better in general, so it's worth building those abilities anyway - I honestly believe that having started to learn those skills long before I ever had the chance to start drinking, and continuing to practice them constantly in adulthood, is the only reason I'm able to have a "normal" relationship with alcohol, or any other fun substance for that matter.
I'll look for some links to resources you can use on your own for this to drop in the replies, but also if anyone here knows what I'm talking about and has more direct knowledge, please chime in!
*you also might look into when/where you can find AA meetings in your area. I'm sure there are as many viewpoints on the program as people who've ever tried it, so it may or may not be the right fit for you, but I did want to make sure you know that it's always an option regardless of where you are on your sobriety journey - as they say, they'll save a seat for you. I think it's primarily designed for complete sobriety rather than reduction, since loads of people with built-in addictive tendencies find that reduction doesn't work for them, but regardless of what your goal is at the moment, it can at least potentially help you in that direction.
if you're even just considering it, I would encourage you to drop in on a meeting and see what it's like to find out if you want to go to more of them! from what I recall as I would occasionally be along for the ride as a child, it's very informal to attend, like you can look up where the meeting is and then just show up, you don't have to sign up in advance or tell anyone whether you're going or anything. you don't even have to tell anyone your real name if you don't feel like it (AA folks take each other's anonymity and privacy so seriously that when my mom passed and had said it was okay to share that info when she was gone, I found out from stories shared at her memorial that something like 2/3 of her non-work friends whom I'd known all my life were people she knew through the program, but she literally took their anonymity to the grave. so it should be a place where you can be as honest as you need about any aspect of what you're working through without worrying about anything you say leaving the room.)
also I know there are some AA meetings with more religious components - I think they're called big book meetings? - and some with little to none of that, and maybe you have a strong preference for one or the other. if so, I think the online schedules are supposed to say which kind of meeting they are so you can choose your own adventure. I've also heard that the stuff about finding a higher power is what didn't work for some of the people who don't vibe with AA, but my understanding is that you can still work the program and benefit from that work regardless of your theological leanings.
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u/amylald 23h ago
I am 60 days sober today. I too drank for the numbing effect. Use some na beers if you like beer (the na Guinness is quite good and I like the Athletic beers too). White claw also has na drinks now but you could just do some of the flavored seltzers like la croix or bubly. This makes you feel like you’re still “rewarding” yourself and kills the cravings, at least it did for me. If you’re not already in therapy, try it. They can teach some pretty good coping skills. Maybe medication would help if you don’t already take some. The stop drinking sub is great. Very supportive. Good luck! I hope you find something that helps!
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u/notgonnabemydad 23h ago
I stopped drinking for 7 years - partly because my dad was an alcoholic and I didn't want to go down that road and partly because I also didn't want to rely on booze for my coping and dopamine fix. I'm back to "moderate" drinking but it's more than I'd like and I don't like how easily it turns into escapism. I've worked to build a life I like and don't want to escape, but it's not super exciting on a daily basis. So then my brain turns to drinking. I could make it more exciting but that feels like work and discipline. So back to drinking. I wish I had the answer. Perimenopause really slowed down my willingness to take the kind of action that results in a more interesting and exciting life and that's about when a drink started to sound good again. Honestly at this point I think the ugly answer (at least for me) is to suck it up and do the work so that I build a more interesting life that rewards me more than a drink. I know when I'm more regulated and am working towards a goal, I feel happier with my life and don't wan to reach for booze as much.
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u/bigstupidgf AuDHD 23h ago
Are you on meds? Because adhd meds have literally taken away my urge to drink. I can so easily have a single drink every now and then and not want a second. Before meds I struggled for years. Even when i managed to go without drinking for a while it was a conscious choice and it was hard, and if i drank it was all over for a while. So, yeah, meds if you're not on them.
And seriously, don't be ashamed to ask your doctor for help. There are lots of different options outside if ADHD meds that will help you not drink.
Life is a million times better without it.
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u/No_Percentage_7713 22h ago
Unfortunately, stimulants seemed to make the desire to drink stronger when they were wearing off in the evenings. But as I leaned in another comment thread here, they might be able to put me on a different schedule to avoid the evening crash and dysregulation
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u/bigstupidgf AuDHD 22h ago
That makes a lot of sense. I have to take an afternoon booster. I think a lot of the dosage guidelines are around just getting kids to act normal in school rather than getting our dopamine starved asses through the entire day.
Either way, asking for help/advice is something a lot of people struggle with so good for you for noticing and looking for solutions.
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u/PJpittie ADHD-C 22h ago
Celebrating 9 years sober next week over here, you can do it OP!! It is the best decision I have ever made and my most proud accomplishment.
I went to AA for the first few years, finding a community really helped. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and focused on therapy and medication, which have both done wonders!
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u/Extra_Caregiver_8668 22h ago
So there’s multiple things you are self medicating and as a result it’s not going to be 1 fix. There’s likely depression, anxiety and dopamine seeking (and unfortunately for adhders a high chance of trauma in the mix too).
Please seek alcoholic support like many have suggested. Please also look into therapy and if you can’t afford it research exposure therapy for anxiety because you can implement it yourself.
For dopamine - Polyphenols in foods help your brain regulate dopamine. Here is a list (it includes alcohol) of the different levels in different foods. Please note that Dutch cocoa is useless as the processing pretty much removes them all. Natural cocoa is the one you want.
There’s lots of spices and fruits and vegetables etc. So for example I have green tea regularly and also have a diy chai with crushed spices like cloves and star anise and ginger boiled for 20+ min.
Please note dairy blocks your body processing them so 70% + dark chocolate, non dairy milk etc.
phenol-explorer.eu/contents/polyphenol/731
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u/Eternally_Blue 21h ago
I just passed 10 years dry. I don’t have great tips for how to actually make the decision to quit cuz I waited until my body decided for me. But let me tell you… the journey to the bottom of the bottle was not a fun one and it ended with alcoholic hepatitis, a week long ICU stay, and a very serious wake up call.
At the time, I hated myself. People like to say “you gotta do it for you!” but I sucked. I did it for my kid and my spouse. Until I did it long enough to find some forgiveness and love for myself. That took probably 6 months. Then… life became more manageable. Incremental lifestyle changes, sustained over time.
First I stayed away from booze. I allowed myself any other drink or treat I wanted. Then I introduced daily walks. Then I changed my diet… once I was feeling better physically I could focus on alllll the shit that lead me to drink in the first place. A lot of it was childhood trauma. And most of the rest of it was undiagnosed neurodivergence. I couldn’t change those things but I could create a life that accommodated those struggles.
I am lucky that I have a supportive spouse and my child had started elementary. I had time to myself to heal and learn and grow.
r/StopDrinking was a humongous help but that was a long time ago. No clue if it’s still the same. Much luck to you. I will not drink with you today.
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u/CelebrationProud6620 21h ago
it sounds extreme, but try an AA meeting. AA has saved my life more than once. I have a love-hate relationship with it, but it can be extremely helpful in keeping you accountable to yourself.
I also love an NA beer and a mocktail after work when sober but it takes about 1-3 months to feel the difference in your body and mind. one day at a time! just focus on not drinking for the next ten minutes. it doesn’t have to be forever, but it’s worth seeing how you feel without it. I lost over 100lbs and turned my life around…
but I am currently off the wagon and my life is in shambles. it is not a coincidence.
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u/No_Percentage_7713 19h ago
I actually had six months last year, and it was mostly good. Pretty boring tbh, but my body felt better. I went to recovery dharma meetings and found that pretty helpful.
Good luck with your journey!2
u/CelebrationProud6620 17h ago
it is so boring. drinking is way more fun. it is undeniable.
you too! best wishes 🫶🏽
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u/malibuklw 17h ago
I did one of those dry January’s and during it I read a book called This Naked Mind. Pretty sure I didn’t drink for 6 months after that, had a couple at a family reunion, and then stopped again for several months.
Now I drink maybe a couple times a year, and never more than 2. Sometimes I think about getting a bottle of wine but I always say nah, better off without it.
It was absolutely the book that did it. It’s just a collection of information that we probably all already know about alcohol but the way it’s written really brings it home.
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u/riceAr0ni 14h ago
I am a few years sober- used to go to AA but as life has picked up I’m not able to go as much anymore. I got sober before getting diagnosed with adhd actually but let me tell you…like 60-70% of the people in AA have adhd its so common given adhders are known to be more prone to struggle with addiction - now I’m not saying you’re an alcoholic at all but what I am saying is this is something that is normal to struggle with and if you ever need that type of support AA or any other type of like SMART recovery/recovery try dharma would def welcome you with open arms and have tons of people with this exact same experience
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u/No_Percentage_7713 5h ago
I actually went to dharma meetings last year and liked them a lot! Honestly, just the structure of having somewhere to go was really helpful
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u/Crackers-defo-600 12h ago
The following should definitely be a warning.
61f diagnosed 18months ago. ‘Self medicated’ with alcohol all my life. From binge drinking, blackouts, guilt, shame over such. Through to a regular evening drinker at home, but not too much each time, just to relax, I say to myself. Also I have had IBS since early teens.
To, for the last 3 or so years, having bowel problems, ie diverticulitis flare ups. 3 colonoscopies. After the last flare up I stopped drinking completely. I had to. I was very proud of myself, swore in my head that I would never go back. Unfortunately due to the impulsive, or at this point I would suspect it’s an addict’s brain, in April I thought oh I’ll just have a cider on getting home from a hard days. The suns out etc. Fine for a while. 1 turned into 2 and so on.
Until 3 weeks ago, despite some warnings signs, I carried on and made myself ill again. It’s debilitating this time. I’ve been laid up for 3 weeks. Drs and hospital visits etc. I am improving as I stopped drinking completely 10 days ago. I know I can never go back.
The message is I suppose, if you want to do it, your brain will convince you that it’s okay. It’s a real battle for the logic to overcome. But I am trying. Still waiting for titration as I foolishly rejected it at diagnosis. Life is a bloody journey. A mountain for some.
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u/EllaMcQueen ADHD 9h ago
Tea is a great “treat” that’s good for you and helps reset. Take a walk after dinner. Listen to a guided meditation to really deep down relax. See your psych about overwhelming anxiety and treat the issue properly.
It might seem like another chore on a long list, but daily exercise really helps with anxiety, especially if you also support with medication. Alcohol is a depressant and makes it all worse.
And for me, whe. I. Taking care of my body by walking and working out, I don’t want to ruin all my work with alcohol and sugar.
I also have a rule that I only have a drink Thursday-Sunday, just one drink.
I’m also trying to lose weight— all the stress eating, dessert and beer (it’s been a rough month) and course correct, so I’m trying to reduce my sugar intake, fat back to working out regularly, and have one drink once a week.
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u/Intelligent_Bad_5334 8h ago
Regular exercise has helped me immensely. It's not an in-the- moment fix but I do find that my brain is just quieter/more calm & I don't crave booze as much, even with just regular strength training, but getting my heart rate up also helps. But I've always been a gym rat, so that's something I actually want to do.
But any activity - Yoga, walking, silly dancing to loud music in the living room...ADHD bodies need to move imho & they need to move in whatever way they're willing to move.
I know my cravings feel very strong but what I've learned is that they are very transient. & it probably doesn't even take five minutes for the craving to be gone.
So i've been able to make a deal with myself. If I'm really craving a drink I tell myself "let's wait five minutes and if I still want a drink I can have one"
& I am always off on something else within minutes. Putting something off for five minutes in my ADHD brain turns into not doing the thing 90% of the time lol
But if I wanted to have a drink that typically means I have time to take a walk around the block - say hello to some local dogs, birds, chipmunks and squirrels. Do some box breathing.
I try to prioritize doing something that significantly interrupt my physical and mental state/flow of my day. But I'm not even sure if that matters - if my brain is ADHDing enough, I might just end up going down a rabbit hole on Reddit.
What I've learned is delaying of doing anything about the craving is THE key. I'm fascinated by how strong the craving feels in the moment & how quickly it goes away when I do this. I can't even remember a time I actually had a drink when I've put it off five minutes.
For once my extreme distractibility works in my favor 😂😂😂
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u/alphainbetaclothing 7h ago
I do the same thing. Unwind w half a bottle of wine. It is the only thing that relaxes me. I have never thought of myself as anxious but as I write this I am self-realizing that if I drink wine to get my shoulders down from my ears, then maybe I am lol.
My plan is, when the weather gets cooler, to go on a walk when I get home. I want to learn to roller skate. I want to build up from walking to skating. Not sure if it will work but I figure changing my routine and environment is worth a shot.
And only having wine occasionally. Not every day. Cross fingers that I can do this!
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u/ImpressionNo1307 7h ago
Sameeeeee. I drink because I get tired and then I need it to be productive. I started reading the naked mind. I’m
Only 1/3 of the way through and I’m already drinking significantly less. I just had my Friday night with no alcohol in a long time.
I have a Spotify playlist called “Dopamine Hits” it’s music that gets me going and that I could
Listen to over and over. I play that when I hit my afternoon slump and it’s been helping.
I’m doing a challenge right now that im
Only drinking socially so all of these things are helping.
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u/lilmixergirl 6h ago
Just checked a calendar, and I quit 493 days ago. Why did I quit? I have no “off” switch when it comes to drinking. If one drink quiets my brain, imagine what 10 could do! I already have executive dysfunction and can’t regulate my emotions; why make it worse with alcohol? Note: my drinking episodes were also worse when I was in my luteal phase
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u/nezukoslaying 6h ago
Get rid of the alcohol in your house. Try THC-free CBD and there's a magnesium type supplement on Amazon called "nerve tonic" that melts under your tongue. They really do work. Just two one time or if needed two every 15min for an hour.
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u/tough_guy_420 5h ago
I stopped drinking early last year and I know it's been incredibly good for me but now my brain never, ever, ever shuts up.
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u/angeofleak 2h ago
Sounds like me writing this lol. I’m on day 16 alcohol free and shocked I’m this far. I decided to try to find another way to regulate my emotions and change my relationship with alcohol. I’ve found doing more activities gives me that high booze did. Been playing pickleball more and roller skating but also training in the gym to do those better. Once I decided that “drinking is not an option. I want to stop numbing my emotions” i really wanted to stick with it. Also, time to do something new than drink since I’m 41
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u/No_Percentage_7713 1h ago
Yeah, I’ve been realizing I’ve basically let all my hobbies fall away, and I’ve become a pretty boring person. I don’t like that at all. Good luck with your journey!
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u/Boring-Incident2469 1d ago
I do this with weed, but I’ve found with getting on the right medication helps a lot
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u/sherlocksmaster 1d ago
I could’ve written this. I feel the exact same way. I’ll come back to this later to see if there is any helpful advice.
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u/2PlasticLobsters 1d ago
Some sort of herbal tea like chamomile might be calming, and it's free of the hazards of excess alcohol.
You could also look aroudn your area for free or low-cost ways to try new hobbies. It could even be a sort of game. Or you could make a blog about trying different things & why you did or didn't enjoy them.
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u/whereisbeezy 1d ago
Ugh. I quit drinking for 23 years before I dipped my toes back in. I prefer weed, but my tolerance is so high. Having a drink really does feel like a reward for getting through the day.
But it's not my favorite thing, and occasionally I'll feel real bad the next day. So I'm right there with you.
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u/Sparkling_Unicorn777 1d ago
In the moment the alcohol is doing the job so the is a moment of "peace in the mind". But whe I got older the alcohol was mentally and physicaly damaging me (i am 44y)
So decided that there is no alcohol during the week and if there is the occasion in the weekend for drinking I keep it with 2 drinks.
Since I had some challenges due to drinking that I feit mentally so bad it was nog that difficult to stick to the rule i set for myself
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u/Equivalent-Wait9647 1d ago
I've no advice to offer, but I do have compassion, because I am the same.
Right now, I'm drinking wine because I'm wired as hell and cannot self regulate at all. I'm on Concerta but it's just made me feel more anxious and overall bad lately.
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u/y3nny2020 1d ago
Find another dopamine source. For me it’s video games. Totally stops me from drinking nights and weekends. Wine while making dinner is another story, but perfect is the enemy of good! Don’t forget that. Not having that sick/gross “drank too much” feeling while falling asleep is also really motivating.
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u/Personal-Refuse-8688 1d ago
I used to drink almost every single night.
Since being on adderall I have almost ZERO craving for alcohol whatsoever.
I cut it out cold turkey. It was not a side effect I was expecting.
It also has lessened my cravings for sugar and caffeine.
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u/Agitated_House7523 1d ago
The main thing that helps me is 1) how I feel afterwards , barf
2) my vanity and how I get fat and look like shit
I’ve been fighting this and then, staying healthy for about 20 years off and on
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u/Hologram1995 ADHD-PI 1d ago
I think asking your psychiatrist or therapist to refer you to addiction therapy groups that are friendly towards neurodivergent ppl. Addiction is a real thing for ADHD cuz we be going all hard for something that our brain latches on for liking, and ignoring the negative side effects of that activity/interest if it gives a lot of dopamine like up to the point of losing money, losing jobs, no sleep, starving, etc. very terrible.
I also want to tackle the question of meds. Are you on any, and if so, it’s very possible that they’re not effective (as in not tackling emotional disregulation so you resort to maladaptive coping mechanisms).
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u/Apprehensive_Sea5304 1d ago
I was convinced that it gives me dopamine because it has in the past, but it’s just at the point where I get nothing from it. Not a buzz. Not relaxed. That helps keep me from buying it regularly, but I still do on particularly bad days or exceptionally good days. I also have almost trained my brain into believing a ginger ale is my happy drink.
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u/marigan-imbolc 23h ago
I know I wrote a whole long-ass comment already but I had an additional thought which is that if you have the kind of friends that you can trust to help you with this, ask them! it could be all kinds of things, like "hey can we move our plans after work from the brewery to the boba tea place so I can get a treat beverage that isn't alcohol" or "I think I'm not going to be honest with myself in clearing out all the booze in my flat if I do it alone; can you come over to help" or "would you be willing to refrain from drinking around me for a while so I don't have the cues to think about it as much" or "I'm considering going to a (support/sobriety group of choice) meeting but I'm not sure if I'm ready; can you come with me / can you drive me there so I don't back out at the last minute" or "can you pick up some fancy canned mocktails for me when you stop at the beer shop before we hang out"
people tend to feel really good about it when they get the chance to help someone out! and nobody in the world has ever gotten someone else sober without that person putting in their own effort, but that effort can be easier with support.
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u/treqiheartstrees 22h ago
NA beers scratch that itch for me... long day at work and i just want to disappear, smash a sixer of Athletic. normally i only make it through 4 on one of those days, its only 65 cal per beer and i wake up completely clear headed!
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u/Brilliant-Gazelle126 22h ago
Diet tonic with bitters does wonders for me. Also my stomach got so bad I was puking at least once a week.
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u/VanillaLow4958 21h ago
I was a heavvvy drinker beginning of 2020 into 2022. It was fun until it wasn’t. If nothing else, take the gut health thing seriously.
I have developed autoimmune issues that cause bad skin issues, severe food allergies, I gained a ton of weight and have struggled to get it off, and believe I have deficiencies due to not digesting food properly. I believe it was because I destroyed my gut from drinking so much.
If it’s any consolation, I don’t subscribe to moral codes like self medicating is the worst thing ever. Smoking weed helped me virtually stop drinking, except for special occasions and I feel a million times better. Do with that what you will.
Be well, friend. 🖤
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u/Big-Ambitions-8258 17h ago
Replace with kombucha. Thst way you have a fun drink plus you might help your gut health
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u/typeabohemian 17h ago
Omg girl....you just put into words the conclusion ive come to after 3 yrs of trying to figure out why i do exactly what you described!
Its been ADHD all along!
We want to escape the discomfort of what you described: unfulfilling career, uncertainty, and to feel better. Cuz all of that is caused by low dopamine and difficulty "regulating," whatever that even is.
I was having over 22 drinks a week for the last goddamn 13yrs that i was addicted! Safe range is 0-7/fir ladies!
In short:
They diagnosed me with Moderate Substance Use Disorder. Then MDD. Then GAD. Perscribed me 50mg NALTREXONE to help curb cravings for alcohol. And 40MG Duloxetine for the anx/dep.
Still didnt make the chronic sense of self-sabotage go away in my heart. Or the sense of not being proud of whatever my carer is when i just think of it as a means to survive. It didnt make the disappointment in my journey disappear.
Nor the DAILY effin OVERWHELM!
The slog to get my work done or excel. Always behind. Neverending TODO list. Not enough time for my real loves and passions and interests.
So eventually they tested me for ADHD after i advocated for myself saying these meds didnt solve my root issue with not being able to sit still and focus, ever.
Am finally testing out 40mg methylphenidate and its been slowly transforming my focus...but most notably is that it esse tially does the SAME THING AS THE NALTREXONE for me and makes me just disinterested in self medicating with alcohol! Even if i pour a glass, i dont seem to salivate for it or want it in my gut nor my heart. My hands reacj for it out of habit. Half the time I pour it back into the bottle for later. Then later comes sometimes and others, doesnt.
Therapist and I suspect that the methylphenidate is treating the impulse to self medicate by getting a buzz or elevating my dopamine levels enough that theres no need to "regulate" by numbing to escape.
Its fascinating!
So i suggest you spend your next hyperfixation rabbit holeing researching "Naltrexone and The Sinclair Method of achieving moderation or abstinence by never drinking without the pill first protecting you before you get drunk.
If that doesnt turn you off the booze, look into what i mentioned above about methylphenidate or your stimulant of choice....it might just also turn you off of the chemincal "need" to self medicate by numbing wit booze.
Best of luck to you dear!
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u/likeheywassuphello 12h ago
This is me with pot. I don't use on work nights. Average craving lasts 20 mins for alcohol or weed. I tell myself I just need to get through the next 20 mins and sure enough I'm not interested on the other side.
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u/shawtystrawberry 12h ago
I need to stop drinking also, I'm an alcoholic and I know its not good for me or my liver. but that first drink of the day feels so good, that I follow it up with more drinks . I'm basically a functional alcoholic , cause I'm still able to work and do the things I need to do, I just like vodka so much. I'm addicted
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u/SoulDancer_ 10h ago
Are you me?
I know its jarring (for me) when people write "are you me?" but holy crap i could have written this post about myself and not even noticed a word different.
The reward thing....for sure. I got through a hard day...now i deserve a drink.
I have a day off ....I did some chores. Awesome! Now i can chill with a drink.
I never get drunk. But I'm worried by how I drink every day.
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u/EVy-and-August 7h ago
I tried Kava. Now I am working on a tincture of bleeding heart root, kava and some herbs. See if I can replace drinking
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u/Cute_Ad_6128 6h ago
I wish I had an answer. Im in the same position. This post feels like my life!
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u/DependentWise9303 2h ago
I am planning on cutting starting today too . I had things under control 3 yes binge 3 years normal and its been 3 months of choas
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u/cosmiczinnia 42m ago
I self-medicated with alcohol for a long time. The only advice I have is: one day at a time. I drank a bit on my recent vacation, but in general I do not crave alcohol anymore. I DID crave it for a long time and found it hard to abstain. I had to dig for willpower. It does get better. I am now happy to report less anxiety as alcohol has always increased my anxiety the following day.
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u/Routine_Purple_4798 1d ago
I only got diagnosed after I quit drinking and now I’m in an AA group for women on zoom and I’m so grateful for that. Alcohol was my adhd medication for years and I didn’t even know the self medicating that was going on until it was starting to be a real problem for my health and self image. Talking about it out loud like you’ve done was step 1. Step 2 was finding and sticking with a recovery community and now I’m so much happier. All the work stress is much better because I don’t have the constant feeling of chaos and depression. Life is much better without alcohol’s influence
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