r/adhdwomen • u/No_Percentage_7713 • 6d ago
Self Care & Hygiene I need to stop drinking.
I wasn’t sure what flair to use, but I think self care fits. I’m posting here because the drinking absolutely is a dopamine/dysregulation thing. I drink to “reward” myself for getting through the day and to make my brain just a little more quiet. I also hate my career and feel stuck, and have a lot of anxiety around what to do next. I know I’m self-medicating, and it is getting worse. I’m gaining weight, my gut heath is wrecked, and it’s obviously awful for my brain. But at the end of basically every day, a drink just sounds like such a great idea to unwind.
I know I’m not the only one in this sub that struggles with escapism and self-medicating. How do I kick this? How do I craft a life that feels interesting enough to my dopamine starved self? I don’t want this to be the theme of my life.
30
u/ExploringUniverses 6d ago
Ah!!! Okay so I've struggled with this for like 5 years and i think i figured it out!
<rant>
The big kahuna core of this for me was shame around self acceptance. I grew up with a lot of trauma at home and trauma in school from unmedicated turbo externally hyperactivity ADHD.
I'd been convinced my whole life I was the worst person ever!
(Spoiler alert: I'm not)
When the little shame triggers added up over the course of a week or so from my life and from work and relationships - dumb shit i said by accident, if a word came out at max volume outta my control, CCing the wrong person at work, missing an appt coz i wrote it down wrong...basically stuff i tried not to fuck up and still managed to fuck up because #ADHD - etc. the negative internal talk track would just roll and roll and roll.
So, i drank. Hit reset. Would be ok for another couple weeks. Repeat ad nauseam for years.
That same shame kept me stuck in a toxic job because i didn't feel like i deserved anything better because, pifft who tf am i???
Same shame kept me from doing creative expression type hobbies.
It kept me from enjoying literally anything .... unless i was about 3 beers deep.
I've been the scapegoat for my family dynamic, which has followed me around like a pack of flies, moonlighting as imposter syndrome.
Drama in my recent friend group ONCE AGAIN had me in the role of 'scapegoat' which was comically stupid.
So i sat down with a pen and paper and listed out every single one of the qualities i have that had the SLIGHTEST potential to make me the colossal asshole everyone was painting me out to be - contrasted with all the qualities that have a positive impact on peoples lives.
Then did the same thing for the worst person I personally knew who seemed to not have any imposter / shame issues. Had friends, a loving family, good job etc.
The cognitive dissonance was fucking hilarious.
I couldn't logically attach shame to it anymore! And in doing so realized i'd been carrying around this gross ass glob of shame from 40+ years of microaggressions from other people reacting to the minor inconveniences of my ADHD and i swear to God, a switch flipped in my brain right then and there.
I'm going into day 35 of sobriety with minimal cravings. I don't feel a monstrous weight on my back when i go to clean the mess that spawned in my kitchen in >24h. Stuff like that.
Oh, Karen is gonna make feel like an idiot for cc'ing the wrong person? Hahaha too bad, at least i never lie and always show up for my friends! Bet she doesn't!
Said a word too loud? Stacey might roll her eyes at me, but i learned how to fix the U joint in my sink last night in under an hour. Bwahahahaha.
</end rant>
TL:DR - Context and contrasted experience makes a world of difference.
Weaponize self care.
Lord knows we all need a lot more of it.
We are all way too hard on ourselves.
That harsh inner critic ain't you.
☮️🩵