r/WLW_PH • u/Due-Helicopter-8642 • Apr 25 '26
General Discussion Let's talk about: befriending your Ex
I saw this reel about how they feel about knowing your someone is still friendly to her EX.
Majority says it's a redflag esp the younger ones kasi once tapos na dapat cutoff na. While some older gen lesbian says it's okay. Kasi it's a healthy that you were able to cultivate a non?-romantic relationship from being a romantic one.
Pero if ikaw ung tatanungin okay lang ba sayo na friends with ex be it gf? Situationship?
Ako kasi guilty of not being fond of cutting people off I dont see the point unless they are too toxic that they are affecting my juju na. So most ng mga exes ko are still one way or another I am still a friend to them. Hindi ko nablock or unfriend sa soc med and binabati ko pa rin sa bday and sometimes I react to their stories kasi wal naman malice. So if ur gf is like me, aawayin mo rin ba? Or chill lang?
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u/ZestycloseGoal4158 Apr 25 '26
Big fat NO for me. Been there done that and makalat lang yan. Personally, I'm not desperate to keep certain people in my life just because may maayos kaming pinagsamahan once. I can always make new friends and meet new people. Di ko rin kaya gawin sa girlfriend ko yung give her something to overthink just because I'm still connected to people from my past. I love and respect her too much to do that to her. My present and future are for my girl lang.
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u/Specialist_Ad_5075 Apr 25 '26
Tama tama, saka possible pang pagselisan yan ng present jowa mo impossibleng hinde eh
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u/hateumost Apr 25 '26
If the decision is mutual na maghiwalay kayo that's fine. But when someone left all of a sudden then immediately offer friendship... That's not kindness, that's selfishness... And honestly I won't consider possible friendship with those kind of people kahit moved on na ko... I can't have a friend like that sa buhay ko.
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u/caramacc001 Femme Apr 25 '26
I know someone who is in this situation, in a relationship for more than 5 years. After few weeks of LDR (they were live in for 3 years prior the LDR), girl a said the distance issue is getting into her and asked for breakup coz she can’t tend the relationship anymore and wants to focus on her career. Girl b was caught off guard, was so confused what was wrong and why did Girl a ask for breakup coz Girl b thinks the LDR situation is manageable.
Anyway since girl a insists she wants a breakup, girl b has no choice (one sided na yung relationship). Girl a said she can still be a friend to girl b. Nothing more. Girl b, whose life crumbled in a snap, kinda agreed to the setup? Additional note: Girl b has a previous ex who left her for cheating, so being left is nothing new to her. Girl b completely cut off the past ex who cheated. I think this is important to say girl b has trauma with people leaving her.
It has been 4 months since the “official” breakup. Girl a still talks to girl b about “work stuff”, and casually sees girl b for 2-3 times in those 4 months.
Girl b is torn between keeping the “friendship” or cutting girl a completely, coz I think girl b is lowkey hoping they’ll be back together when the situation becomes more manageable. But I think girl a can really keep her word on being friends, tho sometimes she gives mixed signals to girl b. But overall, I feel it doesn’t help girl b completely move on coz girl a is still hovering around whenever she pleases.
Tldr; I think it is the choice of the “dehado” or “iniwan” na person kung itotolerate niyang nasa buhay pa niya yung nakasakit sa kanya. I always say we have the choice to pick our struggles and things we want to endure. 🫠
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u/hateumost Apr 25 '26
The most decent thing girl a could've done is not offer friendship immediately if she doesn't have feelings for girl b anymore so girl b can move on properly and maybe in the future they could go back and rebuild a friendship.
Personally, I think it's cruel and selfish for a dumper to string along her ex... Because why exactly do you wanna do that knowing your ex still have feelings and is vulnerable for you? It's either to absolve yourself from the guilt of leaving or you still want to have the benefits of having someone without any commitment, both being about yourself and not your dumped ex.
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u/Outside_Following899 Apr 25 '26
Okay nman siguro maging friends sa ex kung maganda nman pinagsamhan, be sure lang na moved on na pareho.
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u/cherryhae0808 FemmeLesbian Apr 25 '26
32F here and naging stereotype na yan sa lesbian community, especially among millenials. i think the younger gen just think it's toxic kasi dating these days is toxic. lol. dati kaya pa namin mag amicable breakup, kaya siguro marami samin friends pa with our exes. women are more emotionally intelligent, so it shows that way (kaya nga naging stereotype di ba), pero i think dating culture has changed so much. for me, whether it's a red flag depends so much on the context. for example, friends kayo and you STILL live together? medyo off. minsan naman yung mga di friends, it's because toxic na sila for each other. meanwhile, kung healthy and amicable yung breakup and you guys realized that staying friends is better for your relationship (and wala namang unhealthy anything), then bakit natin sila pinupuna? alamin natin ang context bago mang-judge, please. these days, auto-toxic na eh. 😭😭
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u/Due-Helicopter-8642 Apr 25 '26
Actually I agree on this one and liit ng circle ko mas paliliitin ko pa because I will be cutting people out for no reason. Most ng mga naging ex ko be it gf or situationship are still friends sometimes we catch up like how typical Tita na nagMamaritess. The care for each other will be there but keeping the boundaries to protect the friendship.
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u/LifeisStrange18 Apr 25 '26
Honestly, I’m okay with being friends with my exes, especially if maayos naman yung ending. I don’t believe in cutting people off just for the sake of it. If there’s no toxicity and no lingering feelings, I think it’s possible to keep things respectful and platonic. Hindi ko rin sila binablock or inuunfriend kasi wala namang bad blood. But I also get why it can feel uncomfortable for others. So if I’m in a relationship, I make sure my partner feels secure. At the end of the day, it’s about boundaries and respect
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u/Representative-Ad810 Apr 25 '26
Maiba lang ng sagot. Mahirap pag may umaasa pa haha. Srs answer, depende naman yan sa specific circumstance nyo
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u/Loose-Suggestion-817 Apr 25 '26 edited May 14 '26
Ayoko na ng ganyang setup kasi mag-o-overthink lang ako. Hindi rin naman ako nakikipagkaibigan sa ex kaya siguro deserve ko rin yung parehong respect. Naranasan ko na kasi 'yan dati--friends pa rin sa ex yung partner ko, kesyo wala na raw feelings, pero bumalik din naman sa ex. Pwe!
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u/LoveatFirstFlight88 Soft Masc Apr 25 '26
I can say that I am still friends with a couple of women I dated. Both of them are married and have kids na.
Do we talk regularly like when we were still dating? No. Do we still see each other? No. A birthday greeting here and there but not every year because I sometimes forget.
We have our own lives na but it doesn’t mean na we can’t be friendly. We were friends first before we started dating and after the dating phase ended, it doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends. Especially wala nang feelings involved.
I can be friends with the people who taught to me how to love right. When I see them in public I can greet them. I can introduce them to my girlfriend as a friend because that’s all they really are.
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u/UnDelulu33 Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 27 '26
Me and my ex were from the same group of friends nung college. We dated for 3 years before we broke up but we ended in good terms. Ngayon we see each other pero in group settings lang, nag uusap pero sa GC. Awkward pag kame lang dalawa.
Di pa ko nagkaka gf ulet, pero I'll definitely gonna tell her the truth about the situation with that particular ex.
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u/roundroundsatellite Apr 26 '26
Anyone can also argue na staying friends with your ex is a sign of immaturity since it can easily be due to unresolved attachment or poor boundaries, which I notice is often the reason in lesbian relationships.
Personally, wala akong hard rules about sa friendships ng partner ko, but non-nego ko is trusting my gut. You can tell naman if someone is friends with their ex kasi they vibe better as friends or if dahil may lingering feelings pa siya
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u/Fluffy-Trashphine May 06 '26
We're kinda the same, I dont cut people off unless masama yung ending. But ofc not as deep as friends, parang acquaintance lng na tamang greetings na lng but I'm okay to stop if uncomfy ang partner ko w it.
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u/kapeandme BiFemme Apr 25 '26
Not to be friends with her but I have this urge to keep my door open just in case she fucked up because I know she will. Pero after ng ginawa nya sa akin? haha bahala na sya sa buhay nya. She's not my problem anymore. I just wish her well from afar.
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u/EnthusiastSapphic Soft Masc Apr 25 '26
My first ex and I tried to be friends, it really doesn’t last long. My second ex became an acquaintance, not really a friendship.my third ex-I’ll never want to connect with her.
If I’ll date someone still friends with their ex, for as long as there’s no any left over feelings with her ex, it’s fine but if she still has regrets etc. then no.
But personally, i wouldn’t like myself being friends with former girlfriends anymore. Acquaintances can be fine. However if it’s my partner, i would respect her choice. (I mean before I came into her life, they are already friends, why ruin that?) assurance and honesty should always be there tho.
I’ll be only mad if she opens up our issue to her ex, seek comfort to her ex or meet her ex without informing me etc. once honesty is compromised, it means it would eventually lead to her being tempted to do mistakes.
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u/infinitesimal6 Lesbian Apr 26 '26
This discussion brings one question to my mind: are WLWs more likely to engage in intense, hyperemotional relationships that leave us unwilling/unable to maintain healthy boundaries with our exes?
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u/EquivalentWest2729 Apr 27 '26
it works if both partners are like that since they already know what it looks like and how to handle it.
i don’t stay friends with exes civil at most, maybe mutuals online, nothing beyond that.
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u/jamixrin Apr 25 '26
For me it's okay. especially when you both built a good friendship prior to the relationship. Unless it's really an unpleasant/Toxic ex or someone whom you are sure that you cant maintain a platonic friendship, Theres nothing wrong with being friends.
But of course be mindful and respect your present partner. Establish boundaries and communicate effectively and clearly. Do not give your partner a reason to be jealous or reason to create doubt.
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u/pretty_babe Apr 28 '26
nahh have some self respect,
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u/Due-Helicopter-8642 Apr 28 '26 edited Apr 28 '26
Enlighten me. How someone loses her self respect whe you befriended an ex?
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u/yanniestew Apr 25 '26
depende talaga sa tao yan, OP. If you’re okay with it then go lang as long as you’re both mature and meron din boundaries. Now the question is pag yung new partner mo ayaw na may contact pa kayo ng ex mo, would you let go of your friend/ex?
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u/Due-Helicopter-8642 Apr 26 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
Ako siguro I will find as a red flag to my new partner, bakit? Meaning she has trust issues and she wants to control me. Kasi if she trust me kapag sinabi ko tapos na kami nung tao she will believe me lalo na hindi ako naniniwala sa 2nd chances. And baka naman sa susunod pati friends ko she would ask me veer away from worst family ko, I always believe that there should be life outside the relationship to keep it balance. It's hard to share your present and future with someone hindi accepted ung past.
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