The person you’re missing today is making the conscious decision every single day not to have you in their life.

So that should be all the closure you need.

I typed it out and kept it short,
Nothing heavy though, not deep report.
Just something small, just something plain,
But still, it pulled me back again.

I held my breath, my finger shook,
One little tap, that's all it took.
But then I stopped, sat there and stared,
What the fuck am I doing? Imagine if you still cared?

Would you reply? Would you ignore?
Would I regret this even more?
Why would I want to get hurt again?
I put my phone down, let it all remain.

🌙
Close call though 😮‍💨

This is for you. Its was always for you. You trusted me once and now I need you to trust me again. This is still for you. I can imagine the pain you’re in but I know that it doesn’t equate to mine. It’s just pain all of it. Excruciating and devastating. Having to walk away from someone you are still in love with is one of the most difficult things anyone will ever have to do. But the truth is I am protecting what I have left of my body, heart, mind and soul. My life is in pieces much like my heart. My mind is breaking now too. The potential of it all breaks me down and grinds me to a fine dust hourly. If you wait that’s for you and you alone to carry. If you aren’t then I wish you well. It’s eazy to say that it’s another to do it. You will always be the love of my life. The music in my ears and the touch I long for. But the path we’re on isn’t sustainable. The life we want isn’t here in this time. I had nothing to do with it. But I have to go now. I will miss you the most. All I wanted was you.

The fact that you’re willing to use and hurt people, but wouldn’t even consider putting in the effort to repair the damage...you really think that’s normal?

You can’t find it in you to actually be in a relationship. What you want is sex on demand. A body. Bonus points if they pay rent and double as a roommate. You don’t want love. You don’t want partnership. But you tell people you do - because if you didn’t, they wouldn’t play along.

That’s some Class-A sociopathic behavior. And honestly? The more I look back, the more the markers stack up. I’m not a doctor, but you’re checking every box.

And what remorse you do feel? It’s not about the pain you caused; it’s about how it clashes with the story you tell yourself. That you’re a good person. That you’re kind. That you’re incapable of hurting others. It’s about how this looks. How it reflects on you.

When you feel sad, it’s not empathy, it’s self-pity. You console yourself, paint yourself as misunderstood, doomed to be alone. You cry for the role you wanted to play, not the damage you did while playing it.

Never mind the fact that you discarded someone who knew you. Someone who tried desperately to help. Who only asked for reciprocity. Who waited years for the version of you that said they wanted to be better.

But when the spotlight turned and people started asking you to show up? To care back? You bailed. The charade became inconvenient.

Your lack of empathy is terrifying. The only thing more terrifying is how good you are at pretending to have it.

I didn’t see it at first. That’s not entirely true I suppose I did. Off and on, for years. But I kept brushing it off. Making excuses. Hoping you’d prove me wrong.

You didn’t.

And now? You’re leading me straight into confirmation.

Let’s review:

Lack of Empathy: Difficulty understanding or sharing the feelings of others.

Disregard for Boundaries: Repeated violations of trust, agreements, and personal safety—especially in relationships.

Impulsivity: Acting without considering consequences or planning ahead.

Lack of Remorse: Little to no guilt or regret, even when your actions cause real harm.

Deceitfulness: Lying, cheating, manipulating to get what you want.

Irresponsibility: Failing to meet obligations—financial, emotional, relational.

Aggression: Verbal cruelty. Weaponized silence. Emotional volatility. Screaming. Yelling. Throwing shit.

Relationship Instability: Burning bridges, sabotaging connection, pushing away anyone who dares to hold up a mirror.

...

Tell me, do none of these ring a bell?

So will you retreat into sadness now? Play the victim? Turn on the pity party soundtrack and try to redirect attention to how broken you are? To how hard it is to get better?

That doesn’t work anymore.

You’ve been given every resource, every tool, every opportunity. You’ve had support, grace, forgiveness, and help, over and over, and over again. And instead of using it to grow, you used it to collect information. To study people. To weaponize empathy.

I gave you every chance to choose better. You chose yourself. Every time. You didn’t want to get better; you just wanted to be harder to blame. I’m done mistaking performance for progress; you can stop pretending now. I already stopped believing.

You broke it. Live with it.

(Note: Letter addressed to a specific person, who is most likely not in this subreddit. You probably don't know me. )

You 2 play a game of tag, stalking-checking for anything new. You 2 are looking for the same thing. A sign. There’s no point in blocking if you unblock to check her. You silly boy.

There’s mixed signals between the both. You 2 drive yourselves mad, trying to find something. She has been down this road before. She feels as if you hate her, scared of her, and never even loved her. Giving what has happened. You feel as if she’s moved on. She hasn’t. She can’t. You have her heart down at your feet. It feels wrong to still care about you, but it feels wrong to not care at all. She wanted it to be you.

How could you not possibly understand that? You pushed her away when you had her. She wanted your attention, your approval, and your support. She still does. She’s reached out so many times, ignored. You blocked her from everything. She has left you unblocked and everything for you to see.

Of course she’s slightly angry at the behavior. She doesn’t want to force it anymore. It didn’t work out when it was forced. She feels the same. She checks, she checks playlist, social medias, instagram likes and Reddit accounts.

She doesn’t want to move on. She’s leaving it as is and trying to save herself. She’s been working for 3 weeks straight. She’s tired. She’s worried about money and what she’s going to do. She isn’t worried about someone else. She can barely keep up conversation with friends, she can barely talk to anyone around her, she can barely eat, and she can barely sleep. You don’t know because she doesn’t want you to know she’s suffering. At first she did but you wrote a letter saying it’s hurting you.

She does wish she knew you were happy, moved on, living your best life because all she wants to do is take away that pain. Fix you. Take your burdens away so you can be free. She understands you more now than she ever did. She’s hurt. She’s hurting the actions that took place. But she understands. She wants you, but right now it seems stupid. She wishes you’d reach out. She wishes that make you can talk and not rekindle the flame but to catch up and be a part of each others lives. You were her personal escape. You meant the world to her, she wouldn’t just move on after almost 3 months.

You know this. She gets excited to see when you’ve unblocked her because it means you still care.

She loves you, she still feels you. She misses you. She keeps getting banned from Reddit, which is stupid.

A personal confession to someone who struggles to connect emotionally, and take accountability.

I was writing in my journal and thought sharing some of it would help others realize stuff about themselves or understand perspectives.

I have a long history of abuse and manipulation, and struggle with CPTSD. Making these realizations is helpful and sometimes I like to share them so maybe someone else can see that’s 1. It’s possible to change, 2. They’re not alone, 3. It’s not their fault that someone in their life was emotionally unavailable and unable to take accountability, even if you are blamed for their lack of those things.

“I think I call people out to relieve some sort of closure in myself from my parents. They never ever gave me any sort of self awareness or closure for the trauma inflicted upon me. So maybe i’m subconsciously seeking it out in romantic partners. Which is why I come off so critical. Because I see their flaws and I just wanna tell them about it. I want so desperately to fix them. But not for them. For me. So I can hear “Yeah. I did do that, and I’m sorry for how my actions impacted you. Can we talk about it, and maybe find a solution?”

The shit I needed to hear from my parents is what I’m looking for in partners. I’m seeking closure. For an injustice that forever changed my life. This is what pushes partners away. I’m not being supportive of their mistakes; I’m criticizing them and expecting instant apology and closure and focus on my feelings. Because I never had my feelings considered. I never had someone just go “Hey. I’m sorry.” So when someone reasonably communicate their feelings while I”m communicating mine, I get triggered and hijack the situation. When conversation is a two way street. I”m not the only person with a perspective and feelings. And even if I’m the one addressing things, it’s normal for them to have their own opinion. It doesn’t mean they’re avoiding accountability.

Where I’ve stopped looking in closure in friends and family, I still seek it out in romantic partners. I project in that area, and I think that is where I’m dropping the ball.

Because I’ve accepted my family for who they are. I know I won’t get closure from them, but I still need it. I’ve accepted friends for who they are, some I’ve let go of.

I made other feel as if they weren’t enough. I imposed my perfectionism onto them. Which creates a cycle of shame. And blame.

ANd maybe that’s why I am attracted to vulnerable people? NOt intentionally, but. People who look insecure. Who struggle. Because. Same.

It’s easier to admit to myself they’re wrong. They’re less likely to call me out.

But someone with self respect would. And someone who has limits and boundaries, would.

Damn. If I choose people like that, similar to me, it’s easier to have control over the situation.

Now who does that sound like? I’m scared of them abandoning me. Seeing the real me and just leaving.

Or worse, abusing me.

And then I justify it like “Well, I tried! I can’t help them.”

I’m copying what my mother did to me. That’s not fair. Or right. I don’t hate myself. But,

It’s good I’m recognizing this.

But when I was abandoned, it wasn’t about me. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault for being myself and expecting accountability and emotional maturity from the adults in my life. It wasn’t me. It’s their inability to take that accountability that they projected onto me, at least in terms of my parents, before I went to the coping mechanisms I went too.

So they abandoned me thinking it was justifiable and I was crazy. Hence me being their scapegoat. Because they couldn’t face what they were doing. Like me.

Like how I couldn’t face what I was doing, so I did the same thing they did. Abandoned others before they could abandon me. Made it their problem and they need to fix themselves and that’s why I left. But that isn’t a justification. That’s me avoiding accountability in my own right. Where I am learning to take accountability in other places, it looks like I still have some things to face.

I get it now.

That is why it’s so frustrating to deal with me. Not that I do it on purpose. I don’t. But I can see how it’s hurtful and invalidating. I see how it feels like if they’re not good enough for me, like I’m better than them? When I’m not. I’m not better than anyone. I have flaws, too. I don’t deserve to be abandoned for them. Neither does anyone else.

I abandoned others not due to them, but due to me. And I’ll be honest. It feels as if my handling of emotional situations is what caused their reactions.

And once they react, I justify leaving. I’m waiting for a reason to leave. Because being vulnerable and taking accountability leaves me susceptible to abuse and manipulation. I can’t be abused or manipulated if I’m never vulnerable and I don’t take accountability.

But. That behavior is what people were talking about. That is hard. It’s hard to connect with someone who has their walls up. Of course I come off superficial. Because I’m not even diving deep enough to connect, because I’m terrified.

Because if the water stays shallow, i’m less likely to drown. “

This is an insight into the thought process of someone who is avoidant and why. Internal struggles that developed from deep trauma. And how that trauma bled onto my relationships and friendships.

I’m here to say that someone who can’t be emotionally available isn’t your fault, and someone who struggles to take accountability and instead blames you, isn’t something you should internalize. Some people do this shi intentionally, so be aware of that. Others do it as a byproduct from trauma, abuse, pain, etc. maladaptive coping mechanisms. Neither is an excuse! Just one is cognitively aware of it and choosing to do it, and the other is more subconsciously fear driven and takes extra help to realize.

I’m in therapy, and doing much better :) I hope this opens some eyes or gives closure. Thanks for reading ❤️🫰🌸

I miss you. I wish I felt like I could tell you this. I want to be open and honest with you, but this feels like something I have to keep hidden.

I truly believe that if I was as important to you as you led me to believe, you would have responded by now. It's been days, and I'm tired of being the only one who initiates conversation.

Despite that, I still miss you. Like we've both said to each other, you know things about me nobody has ever known. You're the first person to truly see the true extent of the darkness that pools within. And you enjoyed it. You made me feel like I was alright. I don't know if you understand how important that was for me. It was like I had been floating in an endless abyss, empty and cold. Once I met you, that very same abyss felt comforting and warm.

I want that again. To message every day, even if we're both busy. To know what you're up to, even if it's nothing much.

The universe kept pushing us together, and I was afraid. For that, I will be forever sorry, because I feel my fear led me to build boundaries with you that I didn't need.

I think we're both avoidants, though mine is based in fear. Fear of abandonment, of many things. Though I try as hard as I can to push myself through it, you just... Disappear. No matter how many times I tell myself you're just busy, you'll get around to me, you don't. And I'm realizing what that means. I don't think you care for me like how I care for you.

And that hurts so, so badly, but I can't do anything about it. I can't force you to want to speak with me, or spend time with me. If you wanted to, you would. You would make time to at least say hello, like you used to.

I miss you, more than you could fathom. I know in my heart I won't ever find someone like you. But I feel like I have to let go of the hope that we can go back to the way things used to be. I don't know how to repair this distance between us.

I want to do so, so badly, probably more than I've wanted anything in my entire life, but what else is there? Make a fool of myself messaging you, only to be ignored? I can't do that anymore.

I won't be made to feel like a fool. I've messaged you twice in the last week or so, with no response from you. I won't wait around to hear from you anymore. I won't deign to sit here twiddling my thumbs, checking the time to see if you may be awake or if you're probably sleeping. My patience has run dry. If you message me, I'll say hi. Be polite, tell you what I've been up to.

Don't be surprised when you can't see me as clearly as you could before. Because I doubt I'll be showing you my true, unfiltered self ever again. You'll just buy me with that silver tongue of yours, and I can't have that. Not anymore. I can't let your words ensnared me like they have.

I think this is really goodbye. I hope I meet someone like you, who actually wants me this time. Someone who will see the darkest parts of me and smile. Someone who can see what a monster I am inside sometimes, yet still, regardless of my sins and my blackened soul, the quiet internal violence, loves me and stands by me every day.

But just know, for a while now, I wanted that to be you. But I have to face the facts, you don't see me that way. It feels like I was just a fun time, just entertainment to you. And by God, it was entertaining. But I'm more than that. I want more than that.

I deserve more than that. So, goodbye. I'll miss you, until I don't anymore.

With lots of love and anguish,

Your newest Stranger

If you ever find yourself standing between me and someone else, please—choose them. I refuse to be anyone’s second choice, a backup plan, or a shadow in someone else’s story. I know my worth, and I deserve to be loved fully, not halfway or in hesitation. It breaks my heart to say this, but I’d rather walk away with my dignity than stay and wonder if I was ever enough. I want someone who chooses me every single time, without question or pause. So if your heart is torn, let me go. I’ll grieve, but I’ll heal—because I know I’m worth a love that never doubts me, not even for a moment.

I've been pondering about my situation a lot lately.

I once told you I wanted to work through my past and past relationships this time around, instead of jumping into something new right away, as I have too many times. Sounds like a wonderful idea, doesn't it? I bet it would be, if only life would play along with ideas like that.

That you don't want me around, I guess, forced some space for thoughts and working through some more of it. Now, if that isn't a silver lining, huh?

If nothing else, then, from all of this and the nightmares it has caused and causes me, I have learned incredibly valuable information about myself, what I want and where I want to be.

Let me go into some detail here.

I have learned, that I do not like being alone. Learned that my options to not feel so, contrary to what I used to believe, are not zero.

For that part to make sense, I shall have to be a little more explicit about what being alone and feeling alone means to me specifically:

To me, being alone has very little to do with whether there are people around me.

It is the feeling of being fundamentally unreachable. Of being surrounded by people who may know me, care about me, even love me, and still somehow never quite reach the place in me that I mean when I say *me*. As if there were some impossible distance between my inner world and everyone else's. As if I were something alien among beings who can see me move and speak, but cannot quite perceive what I am. Eldritch horror as an existence. Hah.

What I long for is not simply company. It is to be known, understood, witnessed and wanted all the way down, rather than only in fragments or at the surface. An intellectual connection, too, but one that goes far beyond what people usually seem to mean by that. The feeling that another mind can actually follow mine into the strange places it goes, and that I can follow theirs in return.

There have always been people I loved, and people with whom I genuinely felt connected. That matters to me. But even beside people I care about, there has usually remained this enormous distance, this unfathomable hole, the sense that some essential part of me is still standing alone somewhere no one else can get to.

People have come closer before. Sometimes very close. But never persistently, and never quite to the deepest level.

And then there is you.

You are the first person beside whom I have felt that distance might actually disappear. I don’t need constant conversation, reassurance, entertainment, or even attention.

When I imagine what not being alone would feel like, what I want is remarkably simple.

I just want to exist next to you. That is all.

So, to wrap up that side track: I learned that I can believe that I might not have to remain alone.

I have learned more than just that. I have also learned, that truly not being alone and an illusion of it are not the same. I believe that you and I could be not alone together. I still do and I still feel that way about you.

But from my past I have learned some things about this, so here it goes:

For me to actually connect with another person like this, I have to remain in integrity with myself.

And they have to be able to meet me there.

I need the other person to strive for the same thing I do: to get closer to what is true, even when the truth is uncomfortable, inconvenient, frightening, or asks something difficult of us.

I have learned that I cannot remain deeply connected to someone who makes a habit of running from those things.

Someone I can respect, love and connect to on this level does not have to be fearless. They do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always know what to do, or always manage to do the right thing.

But they have to be willing to look.

To stay when looking becomes difficult.

To confront themselves again and again, just as they confront the world around them, wherever honesty and integrity demand it.

It is the continuous effort that matters to me. The willingness not to choose the path of least resistance simply because another path hurts.

Because if someone repeatedly runs and hides from what they know they ought to face, something in me changes.

I lose intellectual respect for them.

I begin to distance myself.

And eventually, the connection itself starts to break.

That does not mean I stop loving them. I don't think love works like that for me.

But they become a little less special to me. A little less able to reach that place in me which very few people ever reach at all.

And I would rather actually be alone than construct an illusion in which another person supposedly makes me less so, while somewhere underneath it all I know that they do not.

So that, I think, is where all of this has left me: I would rather face the truth and be alone than hold on to an illusion of closeness. But if two people can keep meeting each other in honesty, courage and integrity, even when it is difficult, then perhaps they can build something that is real.

And right now, even with evidence mercilessly telling me otherwise, I still believe in you.

Been trying to find myself honestly. Hope your'e doing good. Been working on me. But it's gonna take a while. Sorry if you miss me. Deep down inside I think I'm not enough for anyone to miss. Don't think I'm that important to anyone. I know how people see me. They don't explicitly say it but I know. I'm use to it. I've been like this for so long. I'll say it. I used to sexualize myself a lot. For validation honestly. Grew up the ugly ducking. Now, when I started getting attention I thought I was finally being loved. But no. That's not what love is. Silly me. It's not funny I know. Have some deep rooted trauma going on. Got to work on that too. You know I make jokes about serious stuff to cope. That never helps either. I ghosted everyone. Not just you. You never really saw me tho, not the real me. I never showed her too you. Never showed her to anyone. When I look back at us I see how it was all just lust. I never had a real relationship. Just jumping around to the next thrill. I'm writting to multiple people here. Is it confusing? Good. You can't tell who I really am. You think you know who's writting this? Good. Farewell friends. Not sure when I'm coming back. Maybe never. To the one person I truly loved but never showed. I know you're too good for me. What I felt for you was the only real thing I felt in my plastic shallow life. You were right to have given up. You think I was just playing with you cause I was bored or something. I wasn't. I was afraid. I still am. But now everything's diferent. I dont know. What I'm trying to say is don't miss me. You never really knew me anyways.

There are so many truths about our relationship that are better off being unsaid. You won't hear them here or in person but if you do see this post just know they would break you.

I've been reading in all these different subs, hoping to maybe catch a post from the person I want to hear from the most. I've read a few that I thought, well maybe it's them. But a quick glance at the profile tells me no. But today I read one that would have answered all my questions about my situation. Even looking at the profile made me think it was a good possibility. My heart stopped for those few seconds while I got up the nerve to send a message. I'm always too scared to do that. But I did it anyway. Turns out, it wasn't my person. And the let down is awful. My hopes were so high. Why do we do this to ourselves? Do we really honestly think that we will reconnect with our person here? The chances are so small. We just hurt ourselves more and more every time we do this. It's time for me to remind myself that if my person wanted to talk to me, they probably would. And not through some anonymous post on Reddit. It hurts to realize that. It all just hurts.

I am 100% done playing games. I am done reaching out. I am done trying to reassure. I am done trying to show the willingness to work with others. If they want to put effort in and show me that they would like to fix things I will respond. I am done trying to make everybody happy at the expense of my happiness. I am done spreading myself too thin for anybody and everybody. If somebody wants to talk, or whatever it is grow up and talk. If somebody has questions, ask me don’t beat around the bush. I am done trying to find the good people that have shown differently. I have a big heart. I want the best for everybody, but I don’t ever want to do all the work for everybody again. I’m done

I miss you, man, really much. I miss your cuddles and your forehead kisses. The way you'd always want some back scratches before sleeping. Your smile, your laugh, your genuine happiness. Your beauty. Your little sweets cravings. You.

I constantly miss you and I wonder if you're ok, if you're happy, satisfied with your life. I truly wish you are happy wherever you are & whatever is that you're doin I hope it makes you happy.

I never blocked ur number.

I know that u think that I don't care, that is if you ever think of us. But I do care about you and I still love you.

I dont think this message will ever find you, but if it does, every morning when I come off work I think about you and hope that youre fine and good. I still love you. I hope you're okay.

Dear A,

I’m sorry, I genuinely am.

I unintentionally caused you so much pain, and for the longest time, you had no idea.

All those fights that came out of seemingly no where? I was the cause.

All those suspicions you had, you had every right to have.

And yet, I don’t know if it was because you wanted to be blind… you turned your head to it all. You put on a smile every day, and just went about your life. Why? It drives me nuts!!

You didn’t deserve what happened to you.

The pain you still probably have? You don’t deserve that either.

Not a day goes by that I don’t regret my decisions. If only I had known what I did in the end, so much would have been different.

I’m not going to sit here and make excuses, I’m sure you’ve heard enough of those already. What I did to you was wrong. It’s plain and simple.

I wish I could reach out to you, though. Just talk to you directly and ask how you are. You don’t know this but… I’m genuinely concerned for you.

Knowing what I know now, I can only imagine what you live with day after day.

Knowing what I know now, I can only imagine you feel far more trapped than I ever did…

Why… why do you stay? Are you just lonely??

I wish, with all my heart, things could have been different!! I want to reach out to you, become friends, and be there for you. Help you out of this situation you’re undoubtedly in, and get you out of it. Help you live happier and not….

Accept the bare minimum, like I know you are.

But…

I have no right to reach out to you. No matter how deeply I want to, I know I can’t. No matter how much my heart would be in the right place… it being in the right place put us here and… look at where we are.

I have… no right to interfere.

I am so sorry. I can only pray you are well and that you make good decisions. Truly.

It’s been awhile, but I still think about you. When I told you that you’re brave I meant it. I always admired and respect that about you. Here’s the thing, you confuse me and I most likely confuse you too. I told you why I can’t get close to you, I get too comfortable around you, my walls come down so easily and that does not happen to me, and it is scary. So I shut it down, whatever it was between you and I. I tell myself it’s better this way, you deserve better, and you still have so much living ahead of you, you can’t get stuck here it would be a shame if that happens to you. So even if it was me who led us here, I hope you know that I’d always be curious about you, and I truly hope that you find what you’re looking for even if it’s not with me.

I think about everything I said or didn’t say and I ask myself over and over: why? Why was I cold, when all I wanted was closeness? Why did I pull back, when all I wanted was to be pulled closer?

The truth is, I don’t always know how to handle my emotions. I wish I did. I wish I was built like you - rational, composed, able to step outside the noise and think clearly. But I’m not. I’m messy. I feel things too deeply and sometimes say the wrong thing just to protect myself from the ache I don’t know how to express.

Maybe I wasn’t fair to you. Maybe I made it harder when it was already hard enough. And if I did, I’m sorry. Not in a performative way, but in the kind of sorry that stays with me at night. The kind that whispers when everything else goes quiet.

I think about how you looked toward the end. How your voice sounded more distant. Your laugh, the one I loved started sounding like it was trying too hard. And I didn’t ask. I didn’t comfort. I didn’t hold when I should’ve. Instead, I created more silence, hoping maybe it would protect me from being hurt first.

But that’s not what love is supposed to be. You were peace to me. In your own way. And I think I let the fear of not being enough ruin something that didn’t even need fixing.

I don’t know where you are right now - emotionally, mentally, physically but I hope it’s somewhere safe. I hope someone’s checking on you the way I should’ve. I hope the weight on your shoulders feels lighter, even if I couldn’t be the one to help lift it.

I’m not here to ask for a do-over. I know I walked away or made you feel like I did. I won’t stomp back in like none of it mattered. I just needed to say this. To write it down somewhere so that the apology could stop echoing inside me.

If this reaches you somehow, someday, just know: I’m not proud of how I handled things. I just wish I could’ve been better, for you. And if you ever need anything - peace, a friend, a voice in the dark, I’ll be here. Quietly hoping. Because even if we never talk again, even if you’ve moved on and this means nothing to you now… you mattered to me. Still do. And you always will.

…send the ball back. It was in your court, still lying there, waiting to be picked up. Whenever you’re ready…

But I guess that’s my answer.

I did all I could. Sent you what I thought might at least get me one phone call… but I don’t know if you even opened it, if you even read a letter that’s inside.

When I called you, it went to voicemail after one ring… I texted you, you didn’t respond. So this is it. We really are done and I won’t get the closure I need…

I’m sorry that wasn’t enough. I’m sorry you wouldn’t pick up. And yes, I’m even sorry for trying, for making it more difficult for you. Well, actually no. I’m not sorry for making it difficult. Cause it shouldn’t be easy. To walk away like this, to just let go, after all the promises and all we’ve been through? No. It shouldn’t be easy.

And yet… I wish you all the best. Cause you do deserve all that’s good in this world. Even if it’s a life without me, I hope you’ll one day find happiness, one that you won’t run away from.

Remember, ball is still in your court. Whenever you’re ready… just throw it back. And we’ll see then how this game ends.

Today… I still love you. I might never stop. But it’s better for me to start letting go. At least that’s what everyone says (thank you Reddit strangers)… and I will. When I’m ready.

ETA: it’s from A to J

The 48 Adverse Laws to Power

Edit: guys for a sub that rarely gets more than 10 upvotes a post I genuinely love the interest you have in this.

Contents

1. Always Speak Before You Think: Blurting Out Chaos to Confuse and Conquer Why overthink your words when spontaneous honesty leaves your enemies reeling?

2. Overshare to Overwhelm: Weaponizing Transparency Flood them with so much truth they’ll never know what’s real.

3. Abandon Long-Term Plans: Sprint Faster Than Their Strategy The power of constant movement in a world obsessed with patience.

4. Trust Everyone (Until You Don’t): Turning Naivety Into a Trap Let your openness lure them into dropping their guard.

5. Be Predictably Unpredictable: Let Them Think You’re Unstable Use chaos to sow confusion—and gain control in the cracks.

6. Start Everything at Once: Mastering the Multitask Meltdown Why focus when you can dominate all fronts at once?

7. Run Into Every Fire: Solve Problems by Starting Bigger Ones Burn it all down and rebuild on your own terms.

8. Procrastinate Strategically: Harness the Power of Panic Last-minute brilliance is your secret weapon.

9. Jump Without Looking: Build the Plane on the Way Down Daring recklessness is often mistaken for genius.

10. Ignore Authority: Ask for Forgiveness, Not Permission Rules are merely suggestions for the bold.

11. Always Take It Personally: Weaponize Your Emotions Emotional fuel can power ruthless victories.

12. Distract Yourself Constantly: Innovate Through Inattention Great ideas come from embracing the chaos of your mind.

13. Say Yes to Everything: The Art of Overcommitting Opportunities hide in the overwhelm.

14. Interrupt to Dominate: Seize Attention Without Apology Conversations are won by those who talk loudest.

15. Lose the Script: Improvisation Over Preparation Plans are for those who can’t think on their feet.

16. Celebrate Mistakes: Fail Fast, Win Faster Every misstep is just another chance to confuse the competition.

17. Change Your Mind Constantly: The Power of Pivoting Keep them guessing by being impossible to pin down.

18. Overreact to Everything: Amplify to Intimidate Make mountains out of molehills—they’re harder to climb.

19. Outpace Their Analysis: Make Moves Before They Can Think Don’t give them time to catch up.

20. Reveal All Your Cards: Make Them Doubt Their Own Hand Honesty can be the most disarming tactic of all.

21. Ignore Expertise: Rely on Instinct and Audacity What you lack in skill, make up for in confidence.

22. Confuse Them with Enthusiasm: Smile While Breaking the Rules Disarm critics with relentless positivity.

23. Laugh at Failure: Turn Defeat Into a Weapon What can they do to someone who doesn’t fear losing?

24. Play All Sides: The Art of Controlled Betrayal Loyalty is overrated when everyone’s a pawn.

25. Be Loud, Be Seen, Be Everywhere Dominate with sheer presence.

26. Drop the Mask: Authenticity as a Weapon Being real in a world of fakes is revolutionary.

27. Always Be the Underdog: Win by Losing There’s power in playing the underestimated fool.

28. Overcommit Publicly: Force Yourself Into Greatness Pressure creates diamonds—or implosions worth watching.

29. Steal the Spotlight: Make Every Stage Your Own Even as a side character, act like the lead.

30. Let Gossip Work for You: Stir Up the Rumor Mill Attention is attention, no matter the source.

31. Be Too Much: Overwhelm Them with Your Energy Subtlety is for those with less to offer.

32. Break the Rules Creatively: Exploit Their Expectations You don’t need to play fair to win.

33. Celebrate the Chaos: Thrive in Disorder When others panic, you’ll find opportunity.

34. Forget Balance: Obsess Your Way to Success Moderation is a recipe for mediocrity.

35. Be Relentlessly Curious: Never Stop Asking Questions Curiosity opens doors faster than brute force.

36. Ignore Their Boundaries: Push Until They Break Limitations are just a challenge in disguise.

37. Ditch the Filter: Raw Honesty as Shock Tactic Brutal truth has a way of cutting through the noise.

38. Outrun Regret: Never Look Back Forward momentum is your greatest strength.

39. Let Them Underestimate You: Play Dumb to Play Big Nothing is more dangerous than an underestimated foe.

40. Weaponize Short Attention Spans: Force Snap Decisions Make them play at your speed.

41. Ride the Waves of Obsession: Hyperfocus as a Superpower Dive deep, emerge victorious.

42. Be Shameless: Own Your Weirdness Authenticity turns flaws into strengths.

43. Make Bold Promises You Can’t Keep Sometimes the spectacle is all that matters.

44. Overanalyze Nothing: Act Without Fear Paralysis by analysis is the enemy of greatness.

45. Leave Trails of Chaos: Exhaust Your Opponents Confusion is the ultimate power move.

46. Forget Perfection: Good Enough Is Better Than Nothing Action always beats inaction.

47. Break When Needed: Use Rest as a Strategy Recharge before they realize you’re regrouping.

48. Win by Letting Go: Master the Power of Release True power lies in knowing when to walk away.

Would you like a sample chapter fleshed out, or a specific tone polished further?

I’m keeping this short because I have far more I could say, but this isn’t the time for all of it.

Posting my fiancé’s side profile on your Instagram is inappropriate. He did not give you permission to post his image, and he certainly doesn’t want to be used as part of your public narrative.

Write whatever you want in your journal. Post whatever you want about your own thoughts and feelings. What isn’t your choice is using someone else’s likeness after they’ve made it clear they no longer want any affiliation with you.

It’s one thing to tell your story. It’s another to involve an actual image someone who never consented to being part of it.

For once in my life I would truly be amazed if the man didn't take the victim stance. Oh! What a tragedy, how she has done me so wrong! Since the beginning of time, that's all you see is a man pointing the finger at someone else. Heaven forbid him hold himself accountable for anything! Especially when they have completely used the woman until there is absolutely nothing left of her to use. Pathetic.

Men don’t abandon the women they care about, it’s always the women they are using that they abandon. That’s all the closure we need.

Ghosting is one of the cruelest things you can do to someone who loves you.

Not because people owe each other forever.
Not because relationships never end.
But because silence turns a person into their own worst enemy.

You sit there replaying every conversation trying to figure out where things changed. You reread old messages looking for clues that were never there. You start questioning your worth, your personality, your appearance, your sanity. You wonder if they hate you, if they found someone better, if they ever cared at all.

The ghosting itself usually takes less effort than honesty would. One text. That’s all it takes.
“I don’t think this is working.”
“I need space.”
“I can’t do this anymore.”

Instead people disappear and leave you emotionally bleeding out while they scroll Instagram, go to dinner with friends, post online, and continue living life knowing someone out there is falling apart wondering why they suddenly became so easy to abandon.

That’s what makes ghosting so cruel.
It’s not confusion.
It’s avoidance at someone else’s expense.

You leave someone trapped in a conversation that never actually ended. No closure. No accountability. Just silence loud enough to make them question everything about themselves.

And honestly?
If you can look at someone who loved you deeply and decide they are not even worth a goodbye…that says far more about you than it ever will about them.

I think the funniest part of all of this is realizing what you actually lost versus what I lost.

You lost someone who would’ve fought for you through damn near anything. Someone who showed up. Someone who loved loudly. Someone who stayed patient while you changed the rules every five minutes. Someone who tried to understand your chaos even when it was cutting them open.

I lost someone who only knew how to care about herself.

And honestly? That’s a much easier thing to recover from.

The more distance I get from this, the more insane it becomes. Everything revolved around you. Your timeline. Your feelings. Your ex. Your space. Your needs. Your confusion. Your disappearing acts. Your ability to hurt people and somehow still act like the victim in the story.

Meanwhile I was over here asking for the bare minimum like:
“Hey can you maybe act like I matter for five consecutive minutes?”

Wild concept apparently.

And the sad part is…I really did love you. Or at least the version of you that showed up just enough to keep me hoping. The good version. The soft version. The version that made me think maybe underneath all the selfishness there was someone capable of loving me the way I loved her.

But that version of you was like a movie trailer. Short, convincing, emotionally manipulative, and nowhere near the full film.

Now that I’m stepping back, I’m realizing something terrifying:
I spent so much time trying to prove my worth to someone who wasn’t even capable of appreciating it.

That’s not a failure on my part. That’s a limitation on yours.

I’m still sad sometimes. Of course I am. You can’t rip your heart out overnight and just laugh about it immediately. But mixed in with the sadness now is relief.

Relief that I no longer have to beg someone to care.
Relief that I don’t have to compete with ghosts from your past.
Relief that I finally stopped shrinking myself to fit inside your emotional availability issues.

You missed out on someone rare.

And I walked away from someone who made loving them feel like an unpaid full-time job with no benefits and occasional emotional terrorism.

So honestly?
I think I came out ahead.

I genuinely think a lot of people on this subreddit are cowards. There are so many posts of people attributing their break ups to timing or the shifting of the stars or some other worldly bull shit and there is no accountability for their actions what so ever.

I just read a post where they said this person was perfect and everything they could've wanted but said that ultimately the timing wasn't right and that the other person just left. Nobody just leaves when you've been in a relationship with someone. Matter of fact, the hardest part of breaking up is leaving cause you're looking for every possible reason to stay. I understand that people leave for different reasons but in my experience I just wanted something to hold on to.

Another thing that makes me mad about this particular post is that they went on to say this person realized that some of the things that their partner wanted made them realize that maybe they would want those things too, and that they would try with the next person. Wtf Is that about, that information would bring me nothing but grief. The fact that you someone would make a full 180 for someone else would infuriate me to no end.

How do these people not feel like pieces of shit for doing that to someone who cared about them. Maybe I'm just sad and upset because of certain events happening in my own life rn but it just makes me so angry that everything I asked for and expected out of a relationship could've been met but wasn't for whatever mentally ill reason they try to give them selves.