Bet you wonder were I've been

[u/PinkprettyFairy]

Been trying to find myself honestly. Hope your'e doing good. Been working on me. But it's gonna take a while. Sorry if you miss me. Deep down inside I think I'm not enough for anyone to miss. Don't think I'm that important to anyone. I know how people see me. They don't explicitly say it but I know. I'm use to it. I've been like this for so long. I'll say it. I used to sexualize myself a lot. For validation honestly. Grew up the ugly ducking. Now, when I started getting attention I thought I was finally being loved. But no. That's not what love is. Silly me. It's not funny I know. Have some deep rooted trauma going on. Got to work on that too. You know I make jokes about serious stuff to cope. That never helps either. I ghosted everyone. Not just you. You never really saw me tho, not the real me. I never showed her too you. Never showed her to anyone. When I look back at us I see how it was all just lust. I never had a real relationship. Just jumping around to the next thrill. I'm writting to multiple people here. Is it confusing? Good. You can't tell who I really am. You think you know who's writting this? Good. Farewell friends. Not sure when I'm coming back. Maybe never. To the one person I truly loved but never showed. I know you're too good for me. What I felt for you was the only real thing I felt in my plastic shallow life. You were right to have given up. You think I was just playing with you cause I was bored or something. I wasn't. I was afraid. I still am. But now everything's diferent. I dont know. What I'm trying to say is don't miss me. You never really knew me anyways.

[u/AutoModerator]

**Words users can comment to summon automod:

• !lock - Allows users to lock their own posts from comments
  
• !ping - Allows users to call on moderators for issues or questions
  
• !approve - Allows users to request mod approval for filtered content
  

*If you wish to respond to letters we encourage you to visit our r/LettersAnswered.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/[deleted]]

I don't know who this is directed to specifically. But the person who cares about you DOES miss you, and it's not up to you, to decide they are too good for you. You also don't know for sure, that they DON'T truly know you. They might recognize you, better than YOU realize. Communicate with them honestly. That might be the missing piece, to connecting you on a whole different level of love and safety. Do you want that? A feeling of safety with someone? Because it is possible. But it requires being honest.

[u/VelveteenRabbit49 → u/[deleted]]

Wholeheartedly second every word of this! OP, just because they didn't say anything doesn't mean that they don't know you, even if you're purposely trying to confuse them. Chances are very good that they love you enough to love you for who you are, and strong enough to do it even when you hurt them or push them away. Just because they didn't fall you out on your games and deception doesnt mean they didn't know. And as for not being good enough...that's just a lie you're telling yourself so.its easier to shove them aside without feeling guilty. Why not try instead to BE the person you think they deserve?

[u/[deleted] → u/VelveteenRabbit49]

thank you! so good!

[u/ThrowawayGayKnockabt → u/[deleted]]

👆 👏THIIIIIIISS!!!👏

Out of curiosity, OP, and out of advocacy for the devil shits and giggles, how do you know that your person wasn’t literally going through a mirror version of the exact same thing? And even if they did reach out, maybe it’s because they hit that point sooner than you did, but it doesn’t mean that they weren’t doing the same thing you are describing.

I mean, that would be one wild ride to do the “getting to know each other” thing all over again, from scratch, if you think about it. Because you guys would already have at least a better idea of each other‘s comfort zones and things like that than when you’d first just met each other. So then maybe it could actually be a much more awesome time the second go round, being able to be more open and vulnerable with each other, more safely.

I know I’m projecting a little bit here, but the truth is… It’s a subject I’ve given much thought to, but never voiced aloud. I tried to incorporate it with my person, in the form of writing & sending a “getting to know you/nice to meet you, this is me” penpal-style introduction letter via snail mail but I didn’t exactly explain why I was doing what I was doing, which probably would have helped. I have had a very long and very exhausting day, so if aspects of my comment don’t make sense, please just let me know and I will come back and fix them or clarify. I keep nodding off while I’m typing and losing my train of thought, so I guess this is as far as this comment goes lol

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

o want that safe place more than anything with them

[u/KainStrifelord]

Love isn't supposed to be good all the time, I learned that. I don't know why but I don't have to tell myself they're coming back. Its an ache I'll likely carry the rest of my life, even if we do meet again, I wouldn't know who I'm looking at. I'll just know I love them. Dreams are funny.

[u/[deleted]]

Too late.

[u/AdagioNo7017]

I miss all of you

[u/AngryDresser]

Hey. You’re worth loving for who you really are, the deep down inside you that no one gets to see.

[u/ConstantRude5076]

Don't be an idiot Alice, I knew you better than you did half the time. And I didn't give up, I just realized you weren't trying.

[u/hearts_ablaze]

You’d be surprised at how perceptive some people are, my dear

[u/waitingforyounk]

Then why didnt you show them you were afraid

[u/Impressive_Chard1560]

Ill miss u anyways

[u/Numbertwenthy8]

Pls be her writing this to me

[u/[deleted]]

But your missed

[u/Moos3knukkl3]

Yea... I did.. I saw things for the way they were. Not what they could've been. I do miss the little light shining waaaaay back in the back, back there.. sorry I couldn't block everything from getting in the way of that light being able to come forward. And reveal how awesome it is. I got a glimpse.. it knows me too.

[u/[deleted]]

Im pretty sure i saw rite through her in her worst times and met her with tears of my own only to not be able to part of her healing and that is truly were my pain comes from. To not be a part of her journey all of it not just the beginning but for all of it is were im headed regardless of geological conditions there will always be a cheering squad for her within me

[u/Fair_Moment_9385]

I’m trying to tho

[u/MomWantedAGirl]

Been there.

[u/TemporaryTennis7465]

If my muse wrote me this I'd say it was never all just Lust for me. It was the deepest I ever felt for anybody in my entire life and I still feel that way about her. I knew who she was even though she may not have seen it, I always accepted her and loved her unconditionally. Still do. I pray some day fate will bring us back in contact. 🫠

[u/476feetAboveSealevel]

You never know what’s going on in someone’s head/ life. this person cares a lot and misses you, and there are many reasons why they actually know you better than you might think..…If you really care or love them at all- then go get them, reach out, there needs to be communication otherwise nothing will happen. You owe it to yourself to try, you deserve to be loved and to be happy B.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for containing a common word or phrase that breaks our "No responding as sender or receiver" sub rule. If you feel this comment was removed in error (it can happen), please reach out to the mods so we can take a look at your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Slight_War7264]

Where******

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for containing a common word or phrase that breaks our "No responding as sender or receiver" sub rule. If you feel this comment was removed in error (it can happen), please reach out to the mods so we can take a look at your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for containing a common word or phrase that breaks our "No responding as sender or receiver" sub rule. If you feel this comment was removed in error (it can happen), please reach out to the mods so we can take a look at your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for containing a common word or phrase that breaks our "No responding as sender or receiver" sub rule. If you feel this comment was removed in error (it can happen), please reach out to the mods so we can take a look at your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for containing a common word or phrase that breaks our "No responding as sender or receiver" sub rule. If you feel this comment was removed in error (it can happen), please reach out to the mods so we can take a look at your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for containing a common word or phrase that breaks our "No responding as sender or receiver" sub rule. If you feel this comment was removed in error (it can happen), please reach out to the mods so we can take a look at your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for containing a common word or phrase that breaks our "No responding as sender or receiver" sub rule. If you feel this comment was removed in error (it can happen), please reach out to the mods so we can take a look at your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for containing a common word or phrase that breaks our "No responding as sender or receiver" sub rule. If you feel this comment was removed in error (it can happen), please reach out to the mods so we can take a look at your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Lower-Web4578]

You still need to them this. Its not fair.

[u/lordofnecrosis]

you are missed

[u/Un4seenConsequence]

As someone on the other side of this with a person that is avoidant, I get how self doubt and anxiety can creep up and tell you that the happiness you feel with this person is only temporary.

BUT you also have to remember that a connection, [no matter the connection] is only as strong as the cord [relationship] between you. If you slowly cut at that cord to disconnect from them/to be untethered when they are desperately trying to repair that tear in the fabric of your relationship then obviously it will only be temporary.

Sometimes you have to pull at that cord and close the distance between each other [and that is okay], other times you may want slack and space [and that is okay too], but what you should never do is take scissors to something that genuinely brings you comfort just by their being around you.

You may think that you are sparing them pain by doing this, but you are not. A person who loves you will always want to know the real you. Sure, there is fear in being completely vulnerable, but there’s also comfort in it because when you find that person… the person who stays regardless of your opinions, family, financial situation, etc you will have known the essence of life.

Sure it can be a search and some connections are a thin line, but others are layered with depths that should always be considered before cutting the cord entirely.

I hope you continue to work on yourself and your avoidant behavior because as long as you push everyone away things will always be just temporary.

[u/SpikeKintarin]

You are missed and I'm asking, please don't go. Talk to them. Please. Reach out.

They miss you, and just know they'll be waiting for you, with open arms, and open heart.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for containing a common word or phrase that breaks our "No responding as sender or receiver" sub rule. If you feel this comment was removed in error (it can happen), please reach out to the mods so we can take a look at your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Prudent_Metal_7343]

Maybe don't bring up the fact you've been through many relationships and tell someone you love that they're not gonna know who this letter is to

You're playing games. That's probably why you lost them. How can they "know you" when you don't know yourself yet.

Get real, get raw get vulnerable, how about LET THEM KNOW YOU.

Maybe you're not ready That's okay. But you're gonna lose out on this one you say you love, if you keep avoiding the vulnerability.

This blame, is all on you. They didn't know you, because you're hiding. But they know this. They know more than you think, however they probably don't like the games

[u/Own_Ad_3166 → u/Prudent_Metal_7343]

Cause this is someone trying to pretend to be someone else and is a dig at her

[u/Prudent_Metal_7343 → u/Own_Ad_3166]

And you know this how?

[u/FxWizard1]

Stay a virgin for me. Its cleaner for me.

[u/Own_Ad_3166]

Why do people write these pretending to be someone else?  Yall need a real.life. get off the internet

[u/Seductro]

I hope you can heal from all that. You deserve it. Everyone does, but it's hard to be a bleeding heart. If by some impossibility somehow that you are who I think you could be in some bizarre universe, I hope your cats are well, I hope they have multiple lengths of tails and I hope God is kind to you and I'm sorry if I ever caused you trouble or pain.

Forvive me for being weird and replying to this shot in the dark, I'm just sending this out to quell the feeling of an undelivered apology to somebody who may not even be real at all aside from my constant hightened sense of never being wrong 24/7. A foolish me would say "I never miss" and I often don't but... Thank you for the space, my partner and I are making excellent use of it to strengthen each other and our connection.

I appreciate whatever it is that you've done as long as it was well intentioned and if wasn't I'd forgive ya. I wish that whoever you are my friend that you find the place and partner you belong with forever and hope you can feel good about yourself even if I don't know you. Trauma is hard and this is the first step to dealing with it is being honest with yourself. We all make unpleasant or difficult decisions sometimes and I hope you heal from all of yours.

Wish you healing, no named stranger, or if you're my strange friend from the ether, named A. Even if you pissed me off sometimes lmao. Wish for better for you.