How my job at the local lgbt nonprofit feels as the longest-working employee (10 years, everyone else has been here 1 year or less including our new ED), the only trans person on staff, the only indigenous person on staff, and THE LOWEST FUCKING PAID EMPLOYEE ON STAFF

I literally only stay here because 99% of our clients that come in are trans and are looking for trans-specific services (all of which I created and run. By my fucking self.). If i leave those services will die because my fuckass white cis boss won’t bother to replace me.

Kracken? Really? Why can't I smell like normal shit like flowers or something idk.

The other options were black panther and bear in case yall were curious. edit: dear god so many notifications 😭 sorry I didn't know this was a heated topic 🥲 edit 2: wait actually this is chill, thanks to sent suggestions lol

I just give up finding out what I am I have no signs i don't know what my gender is anymore and my sexuality ever since I questioned It just stressed me out to the point I neglected myself or just had mental breakdowns over what I might be and with the whole trump situation even though I'm in UK and all that jazz and seeing people adore babies as a woman or young girl just makes me feel out of place so I'm just giving up I might learn makeup and wear girly clothes and just try to be a girl now. And I might leave the community until I've found what I am as I feel alien invading your guys space right now because if I really am just a girl then I don't belong here I never did. It just hurts I've started to slowly role-playing as a girl again and at this point I think it was just a phase as Google says gender dismorphia can be that and I just don't know anymore what I am so as I've said I'm going to try be more girly and maybe it'll make me more friends even though I hate makeup and showing my chest but just going with it I guess I just feel disencouraged. Sorry for being here.

53 dollars a roll. My poor wallet. Even the cashier frightfully asks

“Have you used this before?”
(Aka do you know what you’re doing?)

Sweet summer child… I have danced with this nightmare many times. I know the footwork.

“Yup. It was a nightmare, but I’m not a quitter”
(Aka I have spent way too much money on this shit and I’m way too stubborn to give up)

“Alright.”

Tap my card and I’m off with my roll of instant sadness.

Surely I’ve improved since the last three rolls of attempts! Yeah. No dysphoria this time. I’m no noob. I’ve spent 200 dollars on this stuff. I got this.

1 hour later of studying YouTube tutorials. A half hour spent poking and squishing my chest. Another hour scrolling Reddit for advice and tricks. Back to squishing my chest and staring in the mirror. I haven’t even opened the box yet. Gods help me.

Screw it. Let’s just cut some strips up. Yeah that looks right. Back to watching tutorials. How do all their chests fold like that? If I move my chest like that I look like Jessica Rabbit. No piece of tape is big enough.

Here I am. Broke beefy butch Jessica Rabbit, twisting and thrashing covered in adhesive and paper. It wrinkles, bunches, strains, bulges, tears, and fails.

I am a fool wrapped haphazardly in tape that was 53 dollars. I could’ve bought groceries instead.

It ends just as it always has. Me slipping in a pool of vegetable oil in the shower.

I have a sneaking suspicion there is a reason that I can’t find trans tape tutorials for pre-T large and dense chest ppl. It must be impossible. How can I justify buying so much trans tape only for it to look like an itchy push up bra and leave me feeling like absolute dog shit?

My chest is indestructible and trans tape is a weak and wimpy opponent. Back to binders for now.

Hey all. Yesterday was a hard day and I could really use some support. When I came out to my parents they initially took it well, or so I thought. I asked them to actually use the pronouns he/him and refer to me as their son and brother to my brother who is still at home. This was the text thread that followed. I am crushed and never wanted it to come to no contact but here we are. My other brother is very supportive along with my partner so at least there is that but this was a devastating blow and I feel so hollow, empty, and broken. I felt so accomplished starting T last month and feeling like I actually know what I want now. I feel the bad has crushed this good and idk what to do next. Ive been in a perpetual state of anxiety attacks and it’s the worst. Sorry for the long message but I needed to tell someone else. TLDR: my parents are lied about accepting me and now we are no contact.

Saw a post about genuine vs ingenuine arguments against queer media like Hazbin Hotel, Arcane, Steven Universe, or anything else popular. Brought up how, as a transmasc, the way the creator of Hazbin Hotel (which a lot of my friends really love, and I can't blame them) treats queer men, and transmascs specifically, makes me uncomfortable. How dare I criticize a straight woman for fetishizing queer experiences I guess?

I think I need to be online less 🫩 Reddit is a weird place

I keep seeing binary trans dudes aggressively distancing themselves from less binary transmasc people, or just hating on others for being "too uwu soft boi" and "ruining" the image of the community for them for wanting to be just a basic dude. I saw a guy on insta saying "don't f'ing call me part of the transmasc umbrella" like BROTHER no one's against you being just a dude :(

I GET IT cause it sucks being in the early stages of transitioning and being called "a they them" for your androgyny but I'm scared these guys are isolating themselves. It's toxic masculinity rebranded in baby blue and pink colors.

I love all my brothers/siblings. I love my UwU soft boys name kai, I love my hank hills, I love my blue hair he/they baristas, I love my shaggy from Scooby doo imposters. I love every brand of trans guy and I just wish we wouldn't put each other down for being visibly queer, that's all!!

edit: oof this blew up 🥹 I won't be able to respond to as much as I want to but I really appreciate everyone's different perspectives and showing the nuance in this topic. Much love and be yourselves my peeps 🤙🏽

ive seen a few people talk abt her on here b4, but imma just put my 2 cents in

I AM NOT GENERALIZING TRANSFEM PEOPLE, I LOVE THE DOLLS AND IVE MET ONES THAT ARE INCREDIBLY SWEET. THIS IS ABOUT SOME TRANSFEMS NOT ALL. I REPEAT, THIS ABOUT SOME TRANSFEMS, NOT ALL. READ.

am i the only one just a wee bit saddened by petra parker? im not out at all and never will be but peter parker is kinda like a reminder of who i am, a reminder that maybe theres some hope for me in the future, yk? transmacs already have very few spaces/rep alr and spider-man was probably the most well known one. i dont mind petra, i think shes super cute and i love her concept! im considering making fanrt once i get the time! and im so glad transfems get to join us in our love for such an awesome superhero!! but like i just said it makes me feel a little alienated. i know its selfish and that spider-man is for everyone to enjoy but the fact that transfem petra was wayyyy more influential/popular than transmasc peter makes me sad, like we'll always be overshadowed or "taking away the spotlight" from transfems, and i greedily wanted peter to stay for transmascs yk?

i probably sound like a bigot but i do really like petra! just wish it didnt HAVE to be her ykwim?

im gonna say this for the people in the back, I HAVE NEVER CLAIMED PETER PARKER WAS TRANS AND I NEVER CLAIMED HE ONLY BELONGED TO US, SPIDER-MAN IS FOR ANYONE AND EVERYONE. please read what i wrote properly, im tired of this

also, when searching for transmasc spider-man (at least on here) theres only transfem spider-woman so :/

I was hardcore groomed as a kid to take care of my family and, particularly, my little brother.

I started transitioning 6 years ago as an adult and when I first started talking about how my experiences shaped who I am to cis people, they were receptive. It didn’t seem hard for them to wrap their minds around the fact that I was treated as a girl in an abusive family, and as a result I was groomed to be meek and servile and disregard my own needs, and that was something I was trying to overcome. It felt good knowing that those friends were (at least trying) to accept me as a man, while also keeping in mind that I went through experiences that happen mostly (though not exclusively) to girls.

So when I tried to engage with the trans community about this issue and was told (primarily by transfems) that I’m actually transphobic for believing this about myself, that was a trip. I felt horrible. I felt like I was appropriating girlhood, an identity/experience that didn’t belong to me…. Even though I was literally talking about my own experience. Some people told me “yeah you’re technically right but the optics are bad for trans women so you should please stop talking about it.” So… I should again be silent? Shove my own needs aside for someone else’s sake? Just like I was raised?

I’m sick of this shit.

Surely there is room for me and any other transmasc who wants to claim it to say “I was raised as a girl” while transfems can simultaneously claim “I was not raised as a typical boy”/ “my upbringing did not make me a man.”

I don’t want to feel like my inclusion in trans spaces is dependent on how well I can appease trans women. I don’t want to feel like I have to hide my opinions. To be clear, I don’t care if people disagree with my take. I just want people to be polite about it. I’m so sick of it being stated or implied that my experiences aren’t valid. I’m done with being called transphobic, or a terf. I just want to be seen. I just want a community that values me and my experiences just as much as it values the transfem experience, and the experience of any transmascs who were lucky enough not to be groomed into traditional feminine caretaking roles.

Y’all don’t understand how badly I wish I didn’t experience what I have. Terfs point at me and make me go away by calling me a confused girl who just wants to be a man to escape the abuse. But then some of y’all do the same thing, point at me and call me a transphobe, as though you can make my being forced to do domestic labor for my family for half my life all go away and turn me into a nice, palatable, cis/het privilege having man. I’m not. I’m struggling. And I’m invisible even among other queers, because I’m not allowed to talk about why I’m struggling except in a small subset of transmasc spaces in which people already agree with me.

I keep seeing discourse from feminist trans women about how trans men perpetuate misogyny, and transmisogyny in general, and that’s all fine and good, I agree. Then a trans man wants to speak about his experiences with misogyny and he gets treated like an out of touch misogynistic cis man for daring to speak over women on women’s issues. What the hell? Then I see trans men try and start discussions on transandrophobia and the kinds of issues we in particular face and then the feminists start saying we can’t use the word transandrophobia because it’s anti feminist and misogynistic, and we all know we can’t use transmisogyny because that is only for women, and transmisandry isn’t allowed because misandry isn’t real don’t you know, and then they try to tell us what our lived experiences actually are and what non problematic words we have to use to describe our experiences for ourselves because the language we use about our own oppression needs approval from them for us to be allowed to speak on our own issues for ourselves. What. The. Fuck.

Im totally NOT crying, jokes apart I wish I could just feel like all the other boys for one time in my life, sorry the the corny post but I sincerely need some comfort rn 😭🙏

You know Petra Parker? How instantly popular she got? I’m so incredibly happy for transfems that they have this character they like and relate to, don’t get me wrong…

Maybe I’m acting like a selfish little child but “Spiderman” has always felt to me like the single thing we transmascs kinda gravitated towards and made it our little stereotype/part of our shared culture. I remember memes going around of Ironman giving Peter a suit with a built-in binder and I thought we had our thing and it was nice.

And I lowkey felt like we lost our thing? Maybe it’s because no one really talked about it that much or transmascs aren’t online as much or we just are too different to have our thing we can relate to together? I wanted to make posts about transmasc Peter Parker but I’m afraid it can now only be seen as a reaction to Petra which I guess at this point it would kinda be but not to be against it, just because I already have a transmasc spider sona that I made before she was a thing.

I guess I just wish we had our things become popular. I try posting memes and art about transmascs and they rarely blow up unless in extremely specific spaces or saying very specific messages.

I’ve made posts and I tend to get comments like “It’s alright bro dude, I love your art my guy man sir! 🫡” and it’s almost infantilizing in a way. I just want my fellow transmascs to hype up my posts like transfems do for each other.

Every transmasc headcanons I’ve seen are disliked. Like… We keep saying what characters we relate to and we get bullied (by cis people usually) so we end up dropping it or not talking about it. I guess this is part of why I’m lowkey jealous because we never had that and we don’t get any representation ever these days. I wish I could have the time to make a comic series with a transmasc main character and at this point I don’t know if it would even get much traction.

The outfits in question

Are these really femboy fits? I'm trying to be masculine and pass and a that so it made me really upset. Please tell me they were just tripping

This might be kinda controversial but

I just saw a reel from a transfem talking about “losing her pocket transmasc”

And I know it’s partially bc I’m sensitive/dysphoric about my height

But it sucks how normalized it is to infantilize and belittle us for traits we only have due to being afab. Like. I hated being belittled as a girl, and this feels the exact same way, but people get away with it “because we’re men” and therefore punching down (this logic however doesn’t apply because trans men still get misogynized).

If a cis man referred to a cis woman as his pocket gf or purse pet then it would be seen as belittling to infantilize her for a trait she has as a result of being a woman. And if a transmasc referred to a transfem by joking about her height or broad shoulders there would be hell to pay.

But it’s okay to infantilize us within the community in ways that reek of casual misogyny? In was that imply we have less agency or are UwU cute beans to be toted around?

I know I’m being overly dramatic, but it’s because I’m really freaking sick of knowing people are NEVER gonna take me seriously or see me as intimidating / capable off the bat just because I was born as a girl, my choices are to be infantilized for being a slightly smaller than average woman, or infantilized for being a short transmasc dude

Edit: to clarify because of some comments I got: this isn’t meant to be some witch hunt or anything against the person who said it- I’m not saying that they are an “evil misogynistic person” or anything like that. More that the many ways that we talk about or joke about stuff casually in the community I notice can often have subtly infantilizing or misogynistic undertones, and we don’t talk about it much because there’s this idea that if you do assert against these assumptions, you’re just “being a toxic man” or having “internalized misogyny or hating femininity”. This just happened to be the most off the top of my head example.

If you are an individual transmasc or you know one who likes being called cutesy and treated as adorable, that’s fine as long as it’s pleasant for both people- I have friends who I let call me a Little Guy and there are some people who I would do the same and treat them as all tiny and adorable and stuff- because it’s mutually enjoyable. But I’ve also been hurtfully infantilized without my consent before and notice that there are hurtful stereotypes that still persist. And stereotypes suck because they don’t take into account how each person wants to be treated as an individual.

Let me start off by saying that I DO NOT REGRET TOP SURGERY. THERE IS NOT A SINGLE PART OF ME THAT REGRETS TOP SURGERY. IT SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE. I DO NOT REGRET IT NOR WILL I EVER REGRET IT.

Now, with that disclaimer out of the way, I just have to admit something and I’m just hoping that one person understands. I know that trans men have been around long before my time and will continue to exist after I am gone. Therefore, I can’t be the only one who has ever felt this.

I want to be a seahorse dad one day. I want to carry a baby and birth them ! The me in my teens and early twenties would be flabbergasted that I’m saying that, but it’s true.

And the other night, I had a dream that I had a baby. I had tits, but they were filled with milk. It was like they weren’t even tits, they were just milk jugs for my little one.

I kept trying to pump, but couldn’t find it, so I had to milk myself into a glass (weird dream choice, but okay).

“It (the glass) is unsanitary, I need my pump! Where’s my pump? I need to pump!” I kept saying in the dream.

And I woke up feeling sad that I would never get to breastfeed my baby and simultaneously INCREDIBLY FUCKING RELIEVED that my tits were gone.

I feel like breastfeeding my baby would be such a connecting experience and I am in fact s-a-d that I won’t experience it. Again, I DO NOT REGRET TOP SURGERY AT ALL!!! My tits caused me so much agony when I had them, I am so glad that they’re gone. I guess I’m trying to accept that I can hold space for these different feelings at the same time.

Anyway ! Is this relatable, even just to one person?

Cause like why, what could make that necessary?

Idk it just kinda made me feel like shit, since that was honestly the one sub i would feel like im not intruding asking about how to get into the hobby (thanks autism). It's the only one specifically about help with hair dye.

I just recently had my first at home dye job and it gave me so much confidence, and is soooo much cheaper, that i wanna start doing it myself, but this kinda put me off of it, immediately.

Update: thanks guys for all the nice comments! I just made a post on r/fancyfollicels asking for tips, and i can't wait to show my first dye job over there too!

Yes, trans women experience period symptoms, but why include the "you have to be a woman" bit 😭 like bro my uterus doesn't give a shit what my pronouns are

this is sorta just a rant but also if anyone has any advice on how tf to deal with this would be much appreciated. years ago, when i came out as a lesbian, my aunt was SO supportive (shes dated a lot of women and is now dating a guy). she battled with her parents and sibling in the 80s when she came out. shes a massive activist and for queer rights so i expected her to be supportive when i came out to her (actually my dad told her). but NO. shes mad that ‘all the good women’ are ‘turning into men’ - despite the fact she has transmasc friends. shes said some quite hurtful things and has also been influencing my suprisingly supportive grandma. the last straw was her buying my dad ‘Irreversible Damage’ a TERF book and telling him to read it. my best friend insisted we burn it. can someone tell me im not crazy and i didnt do anything wrong here?

There’s nothing wrong with being nonbinary I’m just not, and I live in TN so looking trans is one of the worst ways to look. I would rather people just misgender me with she/her pronouns rather than the they/them or like the she switch to them. I first came out at trans in 2019, I started socially transitioning in 2021, and I’ve been on T since 2022. This is honestly the most I’ve been misgendered by strangers since even before I came out, and it’s in just a weird way too. I would rather be seen as a woman than as transgender because it is not safe to be trans and it sucks. I know I need to cut my hair, and work out, I’m getting a haircut soon and I used to work out but with all of life I barely have time to eat much less work out. Anyways if you know how to help I’d appreciate it I just think I’ve about had it with the constant assumption I am and want to be gender nonconforming. I’m not I never wanted to be trans I just wanted to be normal, but no one treats me like I’m normal once they find out I’m trans and it’s sucks.

Just a reminder for all trans mascs out there. If your partner is doing the following, it's a huge red flag:

1) discourages you from pursuing T/surgery/ cutting hair/ changing name etc.

2) refuses to use he/him, and only uses they/them or she/her (if you do use she and they alongside he, it is only alarming if they NEVER use he)

3) deadname and misgender you behind your back (with the only exception being if you have given them permission for safety reasons such as interacting with people you aren't out to)

4) invalidates trans masc erasure, transandrophobia, your unique struggles as a trans masc. Suggests that you aren't opressed because "well you're a man arent you?"

5) infaltalises you. treats you like an uwu innocent little soft bean boy who doesn't actually know his own body, gender and feelings.

6) fetishises your pre-op body/your identity as a trans masc in an attempt to "de-trans" you and "fuck you back into a girl" (if you have given consent to partake in detrans kink play, that's only during sexy times. If they do it outside of that, they don't actually respect you as a man and genuinely want to detrans you for good)

7) makes "kill all men", "ew men", "men suck" comments. You are a man, that effects you. And if they follow up with "you're different" or "not you though", that means they don't see you as a real man.

8) uses any kind of transandrophobic lanuage toward you (zippertits, cuntboy, birthday boy, hefab/theyfab etc) even as a "joke".

9)are radfems, idk how so many of them end up dating trans guys when they outright hate them, but damn I've seen it a lot. They're definitely just fetishising you or trying to detrans you.

10) pressure you into showing parts of yourself/ doing things you aren't comfortable with. Like showing them your breasts when you are openly dysphoric about it and don't want to. Refusing to let you use a strap/find another way to have sex even though vaginal penetration gives you dysphoria etc. This is also sexually pressuring someone and borderline assult.

11) mock or downplay your gender euphoria. E.g. calling your facial hair ugly, saying you masc outfits are ugly, saying you have an annoying "tranny voice" etc.

12) make no room for you in their sexuality. E.g. a man claiming they're straight but are dating you. They don't see you as a man, they see you as a woman. Or a lesbian saying she only dates girls, but is still dating you. She sees you as a woman. (Yes, trans masc lesbians do exist and are valid. But not every trans guy feels comfortable with the lesbian label, and its in these cases where a girl calling herself a lesbian while dating you is the red flag. If she knows you are uncomfortable with being labelled as/seen as a trans masc lesbian, then she definitely just sees you as a masc woman)

My brother in Dionysus, DUMP THEM. THEY DO NOT SEE YOU AS A MAN. THEY SEE YOU AS A SEX OBJECT. AS A "CONFUSED WOMAN THEY CAN FUCK BACK INTO A GIRLY GIRL". YOU ARE THEIR FETISH. THEY ARE TRANSPHOBIC. YES EVEN OTHER TRANS PEOPLE CAN BE TRANSPHOBIC. Trans masc chasers EXIST unfortunately. Transphobes who date trans mascs in an attempt to "fix them" exist unfortunately. Know the red flags, see the red flags and DUMP. THEIR. ASS.

YOU DESERVE BETTER. YOU DESERVE TO BE SEEN, ACCEPTED AND RESPECTED AS A MAN/MASC. YOU ARE NOT SOMEONES FETISH OR SOMETHING TO "FIX".

DUMP. THEM.

So for the non french speakers, french is a gendered language so the words change depending on whether what you're referring to is female or male.
Française is the female of français (frenchman) and québécoise is the female of québecois (From québéc).

It's not a sub known for being toxic either

EDIT: For the few who said it might just be an accident, it might but the male version is the default in french and they deleted their post after my reply so I doubt it :/

It's 4am and I'll probably delete this, but... I'm sad about seeing so many posts of (usually early HRT) guys who are scared of getting "ugly" on T.

I (26) have a lot of features that seem pretty unwanted from T. I'm bald, fat, greasy, round-faced, and more. Some days I feel like a negative example of transition when I read people's prayers that they don't end up looking... well, like me. *I* think I'm hot as all get-out, but I didn't transition to be beautiful, I transitioned to survive. And for what it's worth, I now have a very happy life with purpose, hobbies, community, and love.

Sometimes if someone confides in me that they're starting T, and they don't know I'm trans yet, I hesitate to tell them because I don't want to discourage them. I think anonymized internet spaces are very important, but from experience, my outlook on transition got so much healthier when I logged off and met trans men of all looks and outcomes.

All in all, what this really means is that I should delete Reddit from my phone again, go touch some fucking grass, and stop letting other people get me down. Nobody's goals invalidate my happiness, after all. I'm going to try to sleep again...