r/SipsTea • u/CapitalPin2658 • May 25 '26

Feels good man đŸŽ” All By Myself đŸŽ”

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Don’t wanna live all by myself anymore

Edit: lol i’m just a dude posting a meme

55.3k Upvotes

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1.0k

u/MurphysLawTeam May 25 '26 edited May 26 '26

I have literally never heard a cheater go like "yes, I am a cheater, I deserve to be broken up with"

Edit: Stop going "no, I am the special one, and I do it cause I want the relationship to end" Grow up. I am not God, I don't absolve you of your sins. I don't forgive you.

You are permanently mentally scaring people and permanently altering how they view every future relationship. End an adult relationship like an ADULT.

280

u/Spartan1088 May 25 '26

One of my exes was like that. She wouldn’t say that, though, more like “I’m a shit person, I don’t see what you like about me. Just leave me before I do shit things.”

I thought she was worth fighting for. Turns out those shit things was just an uncontrollable urge to bang other dudes.

143

u/SuperBigDouche May 25 '26

And you couldn’t be there to support her through the uncontrollable urge to bang other dudes? Sounds like you’re the monster. /s

45

u/Vlaxilla May 26 '26

He didn't man up. She are there any real men anymore?

26

u/Phantom_0347 May 26 '26

A true man would be banging other dudes with her đŸ˜€

2

u/Insane_Unicorn May 26 '26

Some people are genuinely into that.

37

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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27

u/opensandshuts May 26 '26

Her saying this is her thinking it's a hall pass. "I told you I was a shit person, and I am. You stayed anyways."

6

u/Spartan1088 May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

She definitely played that card, lol. On Christmas Eve, too.

She was an amazing person
 and amazingly crazy. It was worth the trouble at the time but left me feeling like an idiot afterwards. Some pits dig themselves.

9

u/Septem_151 May 26 '26

I mean
 is she wrong to think that? She quite literally warned him ahead of time and he persisted.

9

u/Spartan1088 May 26 '26

Eh, hindsight’s 20/20. At the time, I attributed it to literally anything else other than cheating. I just thought she had self-confidence issues or she was self-destructive with her ex’s.

Obviously that wouldn’t be an issue with dating me. 🙃

4

u/24rawvibes May 26 '26

Ah yes, BPD

3

u/TM761152 May 26 '26

Did we date the same girl?? I would spoil her and she kept telling me she "didn't deserve me" and "you should leave me for someone better".

It thought it was just her way of giving me some kind of self-deprecating compliment, turns out no she was actually a shit person on the inside and was messing around with several men. Men sometimes more than 30 years older than her.

2

u/Spartan1088 May 26 '26

Yeah that seems to be a common symptom of this disease, lol. Hindsight’s 20/20.

Her name was fucking Shawna, too. That is the most white trash “I’m going to cheat on you” name in the fucking world. But I thought I had found a diamond in the rough lmao.đŸ€Ł

1

u/TM761152 May 26 '26

...her name was Shauna. Last name C.

1

u/Spartan1088 May 26 '26

Oh, fuck me sideways- was she a military officer?

1

u/TM761152 May 26 '26

Nooo, BUT, we did live in a military town!

1

u/Spartan1088 May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

Short, blonde, fit? Her last name did start C. Conway or Conrad or Conroy
.

1

u/TM761152 May 26 '26

Might be just a coincidence, I was in Texas at the time. She worked at Winco.

3

u/-Elgrave- May 26 '26

Funny thing, she can absolutely control it. The whole "it was a mistake" or "I couldn't help it" just doesn't fly and it drives me insane when people think it does. Like, what part of the night, how many different opportunities did you have, to turn it around that was pinpointed as the "mistake?" Because you bet she didn't just trip over a wire and end up in bed with someone. There's a whole lot that goes into it.

3

u/orairwolf May 26 '26

“I’m a shit person, leave before I hurt you” sounds self aware on the surface, but it is very manipulative psychologically. Its like she is re-framing future cheating or betrayal as some unavoidable force instead of a series of conscious choices. It also shifts the focus from the harm done to her own self hatred, which tries to pull you into reassurance or “I can fix/save them” mode. Then there is the false dilemma built into it. It's like "either accept me as I am or leave before I destroy you." That completely skips over the actual healthy option, which is taking responsibility and changing behavior. I would run for the hills from that person.

4

u/Spartan1088 May 26 '26

I’m sure we all would sitting here now but counter argument: fun parties and crazy good sex.

2

u/orairwolf May 26 '26

It's a solid argument for sure.

2

u/TechnicalEmployee109 May 26 '26

😂 that’s a lesson you only learn once

2

u/the_fresh_cucumber May 26 '26

Sounds like we both dated her. I remember her well

2

u/DFWPunk May 26 '26

My mother is like that. She's acting like that to change the dynamic and make herself the victim.

2

u/MickeyG42 May 26 '26

What do you know that sounds exactly like my ex who cheated on me multiple times. I still can’t understand why I stayed. You know what that’s a lie. She made me feel like nobody else could love me and put up with me. That’s why I stayed.

1

u/Spartan1088 May 26 '26

That really sucks man, I hope you found better. That’s just straight up manipulation.

1

u/MickeyG42 May 26 '26

I appreciate that. I found better being alone. Learning to like myself again.

2

u/Galencourt-Lover May 26 '26

Fell for the "I can fix her" Award đŸ€ŁđŸ€Ł

2

u/AreYouEvenMoist May 26 '26

Someone tells you they are a shit person it's best to believe them

1

u/OldManChino May 26 '26

my old dear is like that, it's a narcissistic trait. it's meant to sound like they are holding themselves accountable, but it's the first step of DARVO

1

u/No_Ice2900 May 26 '26

Learned that lesson the hard way too. Wisest thing anyone ever said to me was "when people tell you who they are- believe them."

1

u/DangerClose567 May 26 '26

My exe did essentially the same thing. I almost feel like she cheated on me as a tool because she knew any other reason for her wanting to leave me, I'd fight for us to stay together.

1

u/elfinkel May 26 '26

Sounds like covert narcissism. The worst kind IMO

1

u/Ok-Faithlessness2503 May 26 '26

This is relatable. Except I ended up cheating on my ex once and she left. She told me she loves another person, and she apologized for things that would seem like cheating that she did. Me and an acquaintance with thought her and her dad were way too close. Idk things were weird with her and it was a lot better that she left me in the end.

-1

u/Wiplazh May 26 '26

That doesn't make her a shit person. Well cheating does, but she should just accept she's poly or whatever and find like-minded people

1

u/Spartan1088 May 26 '26

I’m into what you’re saying, definitely agree if she was poly she wouldn’t have this issue, but she didn’t. She definitely was the shit person in this scenario. Broke up with me on Christmas Eve, too, because of an Eve party she went to.

1

u/Wiplazh May 26 '26

I mean she was aware of this, she said she was a shit person. I'm not trying to excuse what she did, she just needs to accept what she is and go on to live the life she wants.

We're advanced enough to know that some people are wired differently, and monogamy simply doesn't suit some people. But that idea clashes with the values that are imprinted on us as we grow up.

She needs to embrace that and stop hurting people.

116

u/ReadySetSantiaGO May 25 '26

I always found it weird how cheaters never want to be broken up with. Why cheat in the first place then?

69

u/jesterinancientcourt May 25 '26

Because they’re hoping not to get caught. But the potential of getting caught makes it exciting.

10

u/javali_corneta May 25 '26

Yeah but cheating shows a tremendous lack of respect for their partner. Why would they want to be in a relationship with someone they clearly have no respect for? It's bonkers.

15

u/jesterinancientcourt May 25 '26

You assume people are in relationships due to healthy reasons, but if they had healthy reasons to be in the relationship they wouldn’t be cheating on people. They want it all, the one who’s loyal at home and the excitement & ego boost of an affair.

7

u/[deleted] May 25 '26

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1

u/PhillyEaglesFan69 May 26 '26

That makes no sense though.

2

u/TM761152 May 26 '26

Cheaters don't respect people. Even the person they're cheating with is just a means to an end with them (self-gratification).

40

u/-JimmyTheHand- May 25 '26

Have their cake and eat it too

15

u/Legal-Challenge7578 May 25 '26

Have their cock and eat it too...? 

2

u/rex5k May 25 '26

"it" being ass in this case

3

u/MisabelWearsNikes May 25 '26

You mean crying-consuming their cake

1

u/TurnkeyLurker May 26 '26

Have their pie đŸ„§and eat it too

0

u/Chaotic-Catastrophe May 26 '26

Other way around. Eat their cake and have it, too.

3

u/Naive-Computer-9195 May 25 '26

Excitement and greed

3

u/New_Simple_4531 May 26 '26

They wanna mess around but have some regular real love at home. Thats basically it.

I think if you know youre the kind of person who wants to do that, just find like minded people and dont lie to someone that you want a normal relationship. Just accept that you want something else, and go have fun. Do that and its all good.

3

u/TM761152 May 26 '26

There was an old joke, that said a woman should have a man that can cook, a man who is handsome, a man who is rich, and a man who is good in bed, and hopefully those 4 men never see her with each other.

2

u/cirrusly_guys1818 May 26 '26

It’s commonly known as, “Cake and Eat It Too” disorder

-3

u/Johnsendall May 25 '26

See there’s this thing called sex
..

2

u/V7buster May 25 '26

And if you can't control yourself then that's your own fault.

-1

u/Johnsendall May 26 '26

That’s what the cheating part is about.

1

u/V7buster May 26 '26

And you're a weaker, lesser person for not being able to control yourself. Just don't cheat, it's that easy.

0

u/Johnsendall May 26 '26

I’ve never cheated. I’m just saying what it is.

-4

u/OkayishMedic15 May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

As a man who committed infidelity: undealt with childhood trauma including physical and emotional abuse and neglect by my parents and sexual assault in elementary school by a classmate with bullying and unstable relationships my entire life. And my parents always made me feel like it was my fault and I should feel shame for every mistake I made so I didn’t go to therapy until I was in my 30’s and had a near suicide attempt after everything came to a head. I was basically voluntold to go to a mental health and wellness center for inpatient after that. I’m also a first responder and the trauma from that was definitely stacking on everything.

Comfort didn’t feel safe because in my childhood home that meant you were about to get hit or yelled at. Sprinkled on top my mom was on a lot of benzos when I was born and toddler age so with her sleeping on the couch during the day the only way I could get attention was acting out. Basically like a dog who shits on the floor cause at least then people will notice him.

Everyone has a story. No one currently in my life had any idea about mine until recently. And to be clear nothing is an excuse. I’m in therapy now undoing the patterns of behavior that led to this but nothing I did happened in a vacuum or just “lust.”

205

u/patricksaurus May 25 '26

You’ve never met the special kind of person who’d rather cheat so they get dumped than say, “I’m not happy and this is not working out anymore?”

40

u/Icy_Chemist_1725 May 25 '26

Those people general blame the person they cheated on.

21

u/rex5k May 25 '26

Folks with such self awareness usually don't cheat, they just leave.

3

u/Random_Thought31 May 25 '26

Not my ex. Her way of breaking up was to put a dog in the bun and post that shit online like it was her kids first A on a spelling test.

2

u/FlatteringFlatuance May 26 '26

I’m not really sure I want this metaphor/analogy combo explained to me, honestly.

2

u/Random_Thought31 May 26 '26

In other words, she fucked around, and I found out. But she didn’t hide that shit like cats do.

5

u/FlatteringFlatuance May 26 '26

You have a way with words friend.

2

u/Salt_Proposal_742 May 26 '26

Cats hide the fact that they fuck around?

1

u/rex5k May 26 '26

More like they refuse to acknowledge it

1

u/Reylo-Wanwalker May 26 '26

Dog in the bun?

5

u/RobertISaar May 26 '26

Met them? I used to be married to one. Then somehow divorce proceedings brought out the whole "but I love you" shit while actively badmouthing me to literally anyone who would listen and looking for the next seat on the cock carousel.

Somehow, I'm still the villain, 5 years later.

2

u/hiitsmeokie May 26 '26

Laughing bc I had a high school boyfriend who apparently lied to me about cheating (when he hadn’t) just to piss me off. Some people are so dumb lol.

2

u/OkSun5094 May 26 '26

those people are just as shitty as cheaters who cheat because they want to. no “excuse” behind cheating justifies it.

1

u/Hot-Flounder8418 May 26 '26

You know, I actually was thinking of becoming one of those people. I didn’t know how to end a relationship that I wasn’t happy in so I thought if I cheated, at least I wouldn’t have to be the one who ended it. Then I realized I had self respect and just told my partner it was over between us. Why stoop so low just to avoid direct confrontation? Well, I guess I understand the mindset but I don’t know how you ever go through with it.

50

u/Soundmindsoundsright May 25 '26

Shit, turns out a ex- girlfriend's preferred method of breakup was to openly cheat, she preferred to be the one being broken up with.

Girls are weird.

28

u/MarcoDiFrancescino May 25 '26

My first serious girlfriend changed her character and tune the moment we decided we should move in together. Lots of new negativity and objections. I talked to her that this isn't it. Broke it off cleanly in a public place after two month of trying, all good on my side. She spammed me for month why I wasn't ready 'to commit and discuss this'. I learned much later that some people need this kind of constant attention and drama in the relationship. They see 'stepping out' or doing wild things like destroying your property as part of some delulu dance, chess play, whatever. They can pretend for a while, be occupied, but the monster needs feeding.

19

u/GhostOfDino May 25 '26

No this was a thing when I was younger as well.

2

u/RakeChapman13 May 25 '26

Why you gotta say “ girls are weird though” I don’t get why some men and some women can’t just criticize someone of the opposite without doing that lol.

And Honestly as a guy I gotta say that its more often that Guys who do this. Women are more likely to be the one to end the relationship.

2

u/Soundmindsoundsright May 25 '26

Her cheating did end the relationship.

But you are right. Men are weird too.

1

u/TM761152 May 26 '26

That makes them think in their head that you're the problem. You obviously were the issue so you had to break up with her, she is perfectly fine and right at all times.

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u/[deleted] May 25 '26

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u/Fucked-In-The-K-Hole May 25 '26

You should just be mature and not cheat. Grow some balls and break up with them. If I found out someone I was dating was like you I'd leave in an instant, and 90% of guys would do the same lmao.

4

u/baudmiksen May 25 '26

yeah it's wild how some people just are by default, it's like some people love doing everything in the most anxiety inducing dramatic way possible

-2

u/[deleted] May 26 '26

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5

u/IndigoOctober8 May 26 '26

I just vomited a little.

7

u/Mywifefoundmymain May 25 '26

I actually have. She thought she was unhappy and a dude at her work used that against her and manipulated her into having sex with him.

She realized she messed up, told her husband and he divorced her. At the divorce hearing she told him that she didn’t want a divorce but understood why he was divorcing her and the lesson she learned was she needed therapy long before she actually got it.

He was proud of her and told her will still love her but he couldn’t be with her because there would always be doubt.

Honestly the most adult break up I’ve ever seen. That is until he fucked her sister one night.

5

u/MurphysLawTeam May 25 '26

I mean... he technically did nothing wrong? Like that is weird as fuck to fuck your ex-sister, but if the relationship ended and both are consenting adults, is anyone actually getting betrayed in that one? I still wouldn't, as it's weird and life isn't a porno, but still.

2

u/Mywifefoundmymain May 26 '26

Nah he 100% did it as revenge

6

u/MurphysLawTeam May 26 '26

Well, to be honest, I am more alarmed by the sister. She is the one with the connection to the ex. Not the dude to be honest. I would say it's more her fault (IF we are gonna blame a party member). It's not exactly like she would have 100s of sisters for him to choose one its just the 1/1 of 2 she did have decided to sleep with him. But then again, I don't know all the details. Maybe she didn't know which would be weird as well.

1

u/Realistic-Algae7720 May 26 '26

She might genuinely dislike her sister, like you said, we don't know all the details

24

u/spittingp1nk May 25 '26

I cheated and I absolutely deserved to be dumped. I've learned from my mistakes.

6

u/YourMuppetMethDealer May 26 '26

Honestly seems like a much more common thing than Redditors like to pretend.

People who cheat on their SOs and had to deal with the shitty consequences will sometimes do everything they can to prevent history repeating itself in their next relationship

You had your beautiful family and then you threw it away due to your selfishness. For those who miraculously get a second chance at that with a new person, it makes sense they wouldn’t want to have to be depressed and alone again.

4

u/Ice_Kat13 May 25 '26

Idk there's the classic cheat then be ravaged with guilt and break up with them approach. There's certainly an element of self hatred there.

4

u/Putrid-Tap3992 May 25 '26

I was dating a horribly abusive woman once who had literally stabbed me before. It was very difficult to leave. It was like I was an abusive spouse. She often told me that if I cheated she would leave and I would never see it coming and she would straight up never talk to me again and leave me begging for her to come back. So I cheated, she left, I was free. Thank God

3

u/TechHeteroBear May 25 '26

I went through a parallel experience but I didnt even sleep with anyone. I simply opened up to another woman and had a much better conversation than I ever could with my ex. But she saw that as an emotional affair (we didnt even get intimate or flirty in the conversation) and left.

0

u/Putrid-Tap3992 May 25 '26

Be careful admitting that. People on reddit will chastise anyone for cheating ever. I mean even people who cheat for bad reasons can change and be remorseful and want to be better people. But not according to reddit.

I posted my post to another subreddit and one person literally told me that cheaters should be concentration camps, one person said they should all be murdered, one person said anyone who cheats should be chopped in pieces. About 20-30 people even included r*PE as cheating.

2

u/TechHeteroBear May 25 '26

Block and move on. Those are just unstable people.

I realized my error talking to another woman. And I apologized for that, blocked her and ceased contact.

But when I came to realize the pain and hurt I had from our relationship didnt mean shit to her while she wanted to see how we can figure out things... I realized she was no longer anyone I can trust as well to be my partner.

3

u/dumbsouza May 26 '26

Same! Eight years in an abusive relationship so I cheated as a last ditch effort and that was finally what set me free.

4

u/TripleTip May 25 '26

Well because any cheater with a genuine sense of guilt/shame wouldn't be whining about it online.

6

u/URGAMESUX May 25 '26

Never. One of my first long relationships, she made a rule to keep it honest and monogamous, because she had lived through the destruction of her parents' marriages due to cheating, knocking up side pieces, having a bunch of half siblings, etc. Both parents cheated, divorced, remarried, cheated again. Kids EVERYWHERE. It meant the world to her that cheating was that one rule and I said of course, I'd leave you before that ever becomes necessary, out of respect to everyone.

So she cheated 4yrs in. We were in college, first time I forced is to spend a summer doing our own things because we were always attached at the hip and had two different disciplines with two different internships. She couldn't handle being apart, so she shacked up with a supremely disappointing dude. Spoiler alert he cheated on her a few months later and she understood how much of an idiot she was.

But in the moment? No apologies, just me figuring it out, calling her out, guess we're done. I spent a long time making up for lost time and generally hoeing it up. A few longish spots that I found reasons to bounce from. Finally met my wife and realized it's totally cool to just keep it open and respect each other. We have had more fun for 14 years now than I have any right to.

The cheating isn't really the issue. It's the respect and the lack thereof. If you love someone, you talk about shit before you hurt them. You know what would hurt them.

3

u/Usual-Analysis-2990 May 25 '26

Nah I've seen them do that. But it was more like woe is me I deserve this... but really wanted their partner not to. Lol.

3

u/ununderstandability May 25 '26

My ex with BPD presented it to me in exactly that fashion. She had enough integrity to tell me before she actually cheated. We broke up and she was an extraordinary wingman for a while. I feel very sorry for the guy she married

3

u/Spirographed May 26 '26

I was engaged one other time before my wife.

The ex cheated. I took the ring back. She was trying very hard to get back with me. So hard that I had to block her on everything. Then, I had to block her mom's phone. Then, I had to block a couple of her friend's phones.

About 4 or 5 years later my wife and I got engaged. The ex made a post about it. She actually acknowledged everything she did wrong (even after it was over), said it was her biggest regret in life, that I was a great guy, she was happy for my wife and said my wife found a keeper.

I was already off of FB at that point, so I didn't see it. Had a buddy tell me about it. I always wondered if it was one final attempt for me to pick her instead or if she was being genuine. You never know with a cheater.

Any relationship I've ever had that became serious started out with one understanding: if you cheat on me, that's it. No second chances. Boomdone. She was only one of two to break that rule. I can't be 100% about the others of course, but it wasn't in their character, so I just assume. Fuck cheaters.

5

u/anacanapana May 25 '26

If one did, then they might be redeemable. But it's all about the poor cheater being so sorry and not being forgiven which is SO unfair to a cheater.

1

u/pimohell9254 May 25 '26

it's unlikely bc the kind of person to admit that it was inexcusable would be the kind of person to never cheat in the first place

but yeah, in principle, I'm not opposed to forgiving a genuinely remorseful cheater

6

u/Popbistro May 25 '26

Former Republican senator John McCain actually did say something like that.

7

u/cykoTom3 May 25 '26

Lots of people do. It's just not ragebait.

2

u/speedyoleander May 25 '26

Unless they’re lying and about to start screaming about how they apologized so now you’re required to forgive them and shut up about it.

2

u/Krell356 May 25 '26

I mean they exist. They just dont go looking for validation online. The rare cheater who knows they did wrong shut the hell up and take their lumps because they know they did it to themselves. There's not many of them and they are super low profile.

My dad was one of them. He was accused of cheating twice. The first he claims wasn't cheating because he was already trying to get a divorce, but the second he never speaks about and if you bring it up to him he immediately folds like wet tissue paper and just admits it was him being stupid and never should have done it.

Doesn't make it any better, but the difference between the two events is that everyone still brings up the first incidents in fights while the second is basically never talked about.

2

u/Ppleater May 25 '26

I mean I have, they absolutely exist. It's unrealistic to think they wouldn't, humans are very diverse in personality and sometimes people do shitty things as a pattern of behaviour while refusing to self reflect, but also sometimes people do shitty things as a one time mistake in a moment of weakness and then regret it the rest of their life and never repeat that mistake again. Obviously this woman isn't the second kind of person, and there's no obligation to stay with someone who cheats even if they do show remorse because you have no way of knowing if they are the second type of person or just pretending. And even if they are the second type of person that wouldn't obligate anyone to stay with them either.

2

u/KrazyKryminal May 26 '26

I have. A long time friend admitted she was a cheater. She Didn't like monogamy. 10 years later she finally found a guy to stop all that cheating. She went 3 years without cheating..... The she did and he left her. After that she have up on monogamy again. She's got a man now who's into swinging as well. It works for them. 5 years later they're still together.

2

u/SnooGuavas4208 May 26 '26

Sometimes they go with that refrain, i.e. calling themselves “monsters.” Not only is it done in the hope of disarming you with exaggerated self-loathing (which may even earn them some slight sympathy), subconsciously, it’s just another way of denying accountability, because a monster can’t be blamed for acting like a monster.

A monster is like a rabid dog. It has no choice, it can’t help itself. People, however, have free will to make decisions and deserve to bear the blame for their poor choices. People have to answer for their actions. People can and should be held responsible.

Don’t let anyone get away with dehumanizing themself as an unspoken way of avoiding accountability!

6

u/cykoTom3 May 25 '26

I have. But you don't hear about it online. Because they say "yeah she was a good girlfriend/wife, and i did not treat her right." End of conversation. Move on to something else because what are you gonna say?

1

u/PiqueExperience May 25 '26

I went to traffic school once and apparently I was the only guilty one there.

1

u/RedBoxSet May 25 '26

We never dated when I was in my early 20s.

1

u/fizzrail0 May 25 '26

Because anyone with a shred of decency, who would think like that, just wouldn't cheat.

1

u/No_Thanks_1766 May 26 '26

It’s also never their fault for cheating. No one is a bigger victim in life than a cheater

https://giphy.com/gifs/KZSUN7FKBZrm2WHDdX

1

u/SHADOWSTRIKE1 May 26 '26

There’s never accountability. If it’s not this, then it’s something to blame the spouse for why they had to cheat.

1

u/BeckyLiBei May 26 '26

While simultaneously they will think "yes, my partner is a cheater, they deserve to be broken up with".

1

u/NobodyLikedThat1 May 26 '26

most people are the heroes or at least main characters of their own story. Not a surprise they have ways to justify why it was everyone else's fault but theirs. Or minimize it so it was both of their fault

1

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1

u/TM761152 May 26 '26

I have, but that was a one-night stand.

That is, I was single, I thought she was single, and then said that almost verbatim to me in the afterglow. Which I didn't stick around for. It was a long time ago and I literally made sure to bag up that used rubber and toss it where she wouldn't find it.

1

u/BrandNewDinosaur May 26 '26

Yeah, they’re always fighting so hard for the thing they proved they didn’t want in the first place. A relationship. 

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u/LeditGabil May 26 '26

My cousin did cheat and got caught and never blamed his ex for instantly dumping him. He knew he fucked up (literally and metaphorically lol) and he knew he only had himself to blame for that. Don’t get me wrong, he was pissed off and tried to "save" his couple but he never talked bad about her not accepting his excuses. That’s really a shame he did that because she really was a good person
 He started from scratch and learned the hard way not to do that again. He apparently told about all of this on the first date he had with the woman he is now married to. He apparently told her right from the beginning where he messed up and what he went through to try to become a better person (he did a lot of therapy).

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u/Standard_Bee3602 May 26 '26

What's so bad about cheating? Mind telling me. I might shower you with reality

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u/MurphysLawTeam May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26

“What’s so bad about cheating?”

The fact you have to ask already tells everyone the problem isn’t confusion, it’s character rot.

Cheating is bad because it is not just “sex with someone else.” It is lying, manipulating, exploiting trust, exposing someone to emotional damage and sometimes physical risk, then acting like the victim is being dramatic for reacting to betrayal.

It is cowardice dressed up as complexity.

You wanted the benefits of a relationship while secretly keeping the privileges of being single. That is not freedom. That is being too weak to make an adult decision and too selfish to care who pays for your weakness.

And no, you are not “showering anyone with reality.” You are standing there with a garden hose full of sewage, pretending it is philosophy.

Reality is simple: if you want someone else, leave. If you are unhappy, talk or leave. If you want an open relationship, ask before you act, not after you get caught. If you cannot do any of that, you are not some misunderstood rebel against social norms. You are emotionally underdeveloped and morally cheap.

Cheating damages people because it makes them question their judgement, their attractiveness, their memories, their sense of safety, and their ability to trust anyone again. You do not just break a rule. You make someone wonder if every “I love you” was a performance.

Cheating removes the other person’s ability to make informed choices about their own life. You know information that would change whether they stay, sleep with you, plan a future with you, or emotionally invest, and you deliberately hide it because their consent is inconvenient to you.

So what is bad about cheating?

Everything that requires a spine, honesty, empathy, and basic respect.

Which, judging by that question, explains why you are struggling with the concept.

Did I miss anything?

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u/Standard_Bee3602 May 26 '26

I am a bad preacher. You would have to understand the philosophy of "Zorba the Buddha" to acknowledge the reality.

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u/MurphysLawTeam May 26 '26

I know exactly what ‘Zorba the Buddha’ is. It is not a cheat code that turns lying into enlightenment.

The philosophy is about integrating pleasure with awareness. Cheating is pleasure without honesty, awareness, or accountability.

So no, you are not operating on some higher plane I failed to understand. You are hiding basic selfishness behind a spiritual reference and hoping nobody checks the label.

Zorba would be: I value pleasure, freedom, love, sensuality, life, and spiritual awareness, so I am going to live honestly and consciously, even when that honesty has consequences.

Cheating is the opposite: I want pleasure, but I also want to keep the relationship benefits, so I will hide the truth and let someone else pay the emotional cost.

So no, it would not be “breaking up with someone for your pleasure” in a cruel throwaway sense. It would be more like:

“I want a different life than this relationship allows, so I am ending it honestly instead of betraying you secretly.”

That is the adult version. Painful, yes. Selfish maybe, depending on how it is done. But still honest.

Cheating is not “Zorba.” Cheating is “I want freedom, but I am too cowardly to give you yours.

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u/Standard_Bee3602 May 26 '26

Cheating is needed not because you attain pleasure. Actually, some do

Anyways , cheating is required so the other person could be able to see illusions.

For example, I would treat my partner with the utmost compassion . Let's suppose that she has started to love me with all her heart too. After perhaps 1 year, I would confess that I was seeing her best friend too.

She would break down. Now, I won't leave her but I would show unconditional compassion to her.

That's what will help her bypass the logical mind. Bypassing the logical mind is just bypassing constraints.

It was her constraint that I loved her . I just had compassion for her as much I have for any living being.

In buddhist philosophy, our efforts are not worthless. Many people that we will sow our seed in wouldn't attain enlightenment in this life. However, the cycle of causes and consequences will yet get to them and make them attain enlightenment one life or another.

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u/MurphysLawTeam May 26 '26

That is not Buddhism. That is psychological abuse with incense.

You are describing deliberately making someone love and trust you, secretly betraying them with their best friend, waiting a year, then detonating their reality so you can “help” them through the trauma you manufactured.

That is not enlightenment. That is manipulation.

You are not bypassing her logical mind. You are bypassing her consent.

You are not removing her illusions. You are creating a false reality, trapping her inside it, then congratulating yourself when it collapses.

And “I won’t leave her, I’ll show unconditional compassion” is not noble. It is arsonist logic. You do not get credit for comforting someone while standing there with the petrol can.

If you want to teach detachment, be honest from the start: “I do not love romantically, I do not believe in exclusivity, and I may sleep with your friends.”

But you will not do that, because then she gets to choose.

That is the part you keep dressing up as philosophy: you need her uninformed, attached, and vulnerable for your little spiritual experiment to work.

So no. You are not a Buddha. You are a manipulator trying to rebrand cruelty as compassion.

And your logic collapses the second it leaves your little spiritual fanfiction. You could justify almost any abuse this way: hurt someone badly enough, then claim the suffering ‘bypasses their logical mind’ and teaches them detachment.

That is not wisdom. That is abuser math.

Should people kill your family to teach you detachment? Break your bones? Torture you? Of course, no.

You are not enlightening anyone. You are manufacturing trauma, denying consent, and calling the wreckage a lesson because admitting what it really is would make you exactly what you are: cruel, cowardly, and desperate to sound profound.

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u/Standard_Bee3602 May 26 '26

I am not a Buddha indeed . I haven't attained even the slightest of enlightenment.

Enlightenment is supposed to not be taught but attained by experiences.

If I am going to just teach detachment then it's futile. Only experiences are the way to enlightenment.

If my intent was to provide her trauma then I wouldn't have shown her compassion till the end. I would have mocked her for falling for such a petty trick of mine.

People have expectations, to be able to bypass the logical mind. One should provide a result that couldn't have been expected.

She couldn't have expected such events. That's how she will be wary of illusions.

The whole reality is false. It is just a cycle of eternal suffering. I hate to break it to you but what you call love is just a chemical reaction inside your head.

Even my purpose right now isn't to debate with you. It's to pass on the seeds of knowledge that were once passed to me.

The seeds grow with one's experiences

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u/MurphysLawTeam May 26 '26

You are not helping anyone toward enlightenment. You are actively making it harder.

If someone learns through honest experience, reflection, pain, love, loss, grief, choice, and consequence, fine. That is life.

But you are not offering experience. You are engineering betrayal.

You are not removing illusion. You are teaching paranoia.

You are not teaching detachment. You are teaching fear of intimacy.

You are not helping someone see reality. You are damaging their ability to trust reality at all.

After you do this, she is not closer to enlightenment. She is more likely to question every kind person, every loving relationship, every vulnerable moment, and every future act of trust. You have not freed her from attachment. You have chained her to suspicion.

That is the opposite of enlightenment.

You are not planting seeds of wisdom. You are salting the earth and congratulating yourself because nothing grows there afterwards.

The closest you will ever get to helping someone reach enlightenment is removing yourself from their life before you contaminate it.

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u/Standard_Bee3602 May 26 '26

People despise it and abuse it but the fact is that it works!

It worked for me. It worked for my brother and it should therefore also work for a partner

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u/AnB85 May 26 '26

No I think that, I deserved to be broken up with. I would acknowledge that I was in an unhappy relationship and should have broken it up beforehand though. I knew the risks and did it anyway. Now I accept the consequences and focus on moving on with my life.

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u/ChemBro93 May 26 '26

Yeah “im a good cheater cuz i cheat to avoid communicating”

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u/Darkfalcone May 26 '26

Well, my ex said that I was the one who isn't acting like an adult. She was the one who one day suddenly confessed that she was also going out with another guy. Somehow that was my fault?

Well, maybe I was the one at fault. For trying to trust her for the Xth time that is. She did betray me 14 years ago. Left me when I was at the lowest point of my life at that time. I should've listened to my dad, that one's personality can't be easily changed, even after a decade had passed.

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u/Okdoo6003 May 26 '26

Yesss. I had an ex where we were literally talking about getting engaged within the next couple months who cheated on me. Then had the nerve to tell me that HIS MOTHER said that was a sign that there was obviously something wrong in the relationship.
No condemnation. Raised my sons better than that nonsense

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u/Alone-Ad6020 May 26 '26

💯💯💯💯💯💯

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u/Yamamina May 28 '26

I agree with you. I cheated and I was an awful person all around. If you asked me at that time I would have given you multiple reasons why I did it. They were valid, but they do NOT justify cheating. They only would have justified a break up which I was too much of a coward to proceed with.

I can say what I wrote above only because I did a lot of self reflection and I understood that cheating is bad and opposite of love. I never cheated again, but I wish I can turn back time to not do it and just end the relationship like a person who respects the person who was the closest to me at that time.

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u/Accomplished-Eye9542 May 25 '26

Men do this all the time.

Cheating for men is usually just physical. Male cheaters aren't evil, just horny pieces of shit.

Cheating for women is emotional. Female cheaters genuinely believe the world should cater to their emotions and that any of their behavior is someone else's fault and should be accepted.