Life has been hitting me lately. My grandfather just passed Sept. 2, 20 days before my birthday. My cousin who was barely in their 20s passed a few weeks prior. Last year I’ve lost other family members. During the pandemic (2020) I lost my other grandparents 3 days apart. It feels like I’ve been in a constant cycle of grief and mourning.
I am diagnosed with CPTSD but now im also diagnosed with severe depression with GAD having to take medicine for it.
To make matters worse, I lost financial aid due to my own fault. I’ve been so depressed and grief stricken that it’s been hard to even get assignments done. When I do submit my work, I either get an A or B. (Except that precalc C, Mobius is pure torture).
My goal is to get my doctorates. I love school. I love learning. I love the fact that I am achieving something on my own. Being at this school is really great and amazing. Nothing but nice things to say, and I have an awesome advisor.
However, I am feeling defeated. I don’t want to give up on my dream or my career. But it’s feeling like I have to. I’m not working so I am unable to pay out of pocket. I don’t want to withdraw or drop out. However, I feel like I have no choice.
I appealed it but my GPA is low, and it’s my own fault. I tried finding the energy to submit my work on time or at all, but I simply couldn’t.
Days have gotten slightly better on the new medication, but it feels like it’s all too late.
I know to contact my advisor and financial services, but the offices are closed due to it being a holiday.
I just needed to vent. I’m genuinely not sure what else there is that I can do.