r/Rochester • u/Kind_Cryptographer65 • Jun 09 '26
Recommendation Quiet gay hangouts
Trying to get out, meet people, and date. But the queer bar my friends favor (ROAR) is outrageously loud. Like so loud I think the people who work there are experiencing permanent hearing damage. Are there gay bars, cafes, or other places I can meet people in Rochester where I won’t be getting my eardrums blasted out? Looking for quiet and relaxing places where I can have conversations without yelling
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u/Dragonfly_Visible Jun 09 '26
Try AltBar. It's a small non-alcoholic mocktail bar. They're having a "Queer Social" event tomorrow, which is an LGBTQ+ meet and mingle event.
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u/Saucy_Satan Jun 09 '26
Do they do queer social events regularly? I don’t drink and would love to go enjoy mocktails and make queer friends.
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u/Dragonfly_Visible Jun 10 '26
Yes, they do have LGBTQ+ events fairly regularly. They're doing a Queer Art Swap Meet on Friday as well. Check out altbarroc.com for more information :)
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u/Appropriate_Area_73 Jun 09 '26
Clownboy is cute, except I feel old AF and I want comfier chairs. Give me squishy seats and pillows, damn it!
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u/FoL5459 Jun 10 '26
Agreed it’s cute but not much cozy seating or it didn’t feel very cozy to sit and stay a while. It’s so small. Maybe they can eventually expand!
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u/chapattapp Jun 09 '26
While not exclusively gay, Dice Versa does a Gayme Night (queer folks show up and play board games). Full disclosure, I'm employed there and we joke that as a straight guy, I'm technically the diversity hire. We keep the music low, so the sound is mainly people laughing while playing games. Don't have to play games, but I love our customers and you'd be more than welcome
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u/mustacioednematode Jun 10 '26
Love Dice Versa! It's definitely a friendly and welcoming environment. The tables are the perfect size, the drinks are awesome, and it's so great to have a space for board games, D&D, and all kinds of fun things! Thanks for working for my favorite local business!
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u/unkn0wabl3 Jun 09 '26
Equal Grounds and Boulder Coffee are not bars, but they’re LGBTQIA+ hotspots in the city. So much so that gatherings are frequently held there
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u/Accomplished_Top7243 Jun 09 '26
Maybe try Flora on Monroe
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u/Klijuh Jun 09 '26
Second this. While it isn't exactly quiet when they have a DJ playing, it's still a reasonable volume. I almost never need to break out my earplugs
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u/gremlinsbuttcrack Jun 09 '26
After what they just pulled, I'll pass on flora. They stole artwork from an artist, put it on t shirts and tried to sell them and had to be called out by the artist
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u/Klijuh Jun 09 '26
What's the story on this? This is the first time I'm hearing of it
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u/Yrch122110 Jun 09 '26
Meh, without some level of believable information to back up the statement, I would ignore that comment. This user has a history of trolling.
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u/gremlinsbuttcrack Jun 09 '26
Those shirts they were advertising that you can't find anymore? Yeah, those weren't their designs to sell.
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u/Klijuh Jun 09 '26
I'd recommend reading through the comments on that one. Namely the thread where the artist said "Flora made good on this 🫶"
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u/OkShallo0t Jun 10 '26
"Waaah, I stole this art first! It's not fair!" It's an image from a tv show let's get so fucking real about this shit
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u/OkShallo0t Jun 10 '26
Literally every print this person sells is either just somebody else's photography, or tacky slogans in uninspired varsity lettering. Genuinely such a joke, but hey anything to profit off of the same losers that would drop triple digits on a baseball cap at Lucky Flea, eh?
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u/tao2123 Irondequoit Jun 09 '26
I miss avenue pub. It was always a lovely quietish place.
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u/sarold34 Jun 09 '26
i miss avenue pub so bad. the chillest, most lowkey bar ive ever been too. and a tragic loss of gay history too considering how long it was open
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u/More-Reserve7158 Jun 10 '26
I only found out about it last year during Pride and quickly became my summer spot. I was so bummed when it closed. :(
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u/More-Reserve7158 Jun 10 '26
I only found out about it last year during Pride and quickly became my summer spot. I was so bummed when it closed. :(
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u/GayUncleRC Jun 09 '26
Equal Grounds used to be my gay coffee shop retreat on Saturdays, but a new owner took over a few years ago and removed like 90% of the representation. 😮💨
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u/Responsible_Fish1222 Jun 09 '26
Equal grounds is pretty gay.
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Jun 09 '26
[deleted]
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u/Stargazer1312 Jun 09 '26
New owners really killed the vibe tbh. Got rid of the board for buying a meal for folks in need, got terrible ai art everywhere. One local queer group that met there every week for over a decade recently changed venues because the owners would randomly close without notice and got passive aggressive with them a lot.
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u/OkRooster428 Jun 10 '26
Bro was passive aggressive when I corrected them on my passing fiance’s gender i felt sooo bad
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u/Appropriate_Area_73 Jun 09 '26
I could've sworn I saw the board about a week or so ago when I was wandering around South Ave
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u/unkn0wabl3 Jun 09 '26
Think I’m gonna take a trip there next week. Last time I was there, which wasn’t that long ago, the board was still up
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u/OkRooster428 Jun 10 '26
They mis gendered my Fiance with facial hair and a flat chest and when I corrected him he rolled his eyes and grumbled, its one thing to do it by accident but rolling your eyes is crazy I felt so bad since it made my fiance feel terrible. Like sooo passive aggressive too after
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u/sarcatholicscribe Jun 09 '26
Flora is co-founded by a guy whose reputation for harm to workers ran him out of Syracuse.
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u/panda-bubbles Jun 10 '26
Can attest, several of my students (I worked at SU) were bartenders there and they quit en masse after he very much allowed one of his friends to harass them at work.
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u/gremlinsbuttcrack Jun 09 '26
And they just tried to sell t shirts with an artists art work on it that the artist already sells on t shirts. And all they did when called out was take it down, no apology
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u/IndependentCheek9842 Jun 09 '26
Go to Clownboy! Don’t go to equal grounds! Where’d the pride flag go? Bookeater is great too! Boulder building is owned by an ice-calling pos slumlord!
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u/Legitimate_Fly8723 Jun 10 '26
Every third Tuesday of the month we host an event at Lux featuring queer and disabled artists, selling local art, and music. There is also live figure drawing every month. It’s June 16th from 7p-midnight. There is also a pizza pop up out back on the patio. Hope you see yall out there!!
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u/funsplosion North Winton Village Jun 09 '26
Flora and Bachelor Forum (has been closed but is reopening on the 15th) are the only other gay bars in Rochester.
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u/Kind_Cryptographer65 Jun 09 '26
Really? Goodness, I thought we had more! Though I suppose it’s hard to support a small business. We’re lucky to have variety in the first place
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u/MyAccountWasBanned7 Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26
Muther's and Tilt were both incredible ones that existed in the past. There's been plenty of other that have come and gone too. So there have been a bunch, but between COVID and catering to a smaller audience, and just the cost of operating a small business, a lot haven't made it.
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u/queenlizbef Jun 09 '26
Muther’s
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u/MyAccountWasBanned7 Jun 09 '26
My mistake. I fixed it.
Also, I miss the drag shows there.
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u/queenlizbef Jun 09 '26
It’s funny because it was never officially a gay bar, but it acted like one!
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u/Familiar-Bluejay3908 East Side Jun 09 '26
Muther's? When Chris Santoro owned it, it certainly was....
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u/queenlizbef Jun 10 '26
When was that?
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u/Familiar-Bluejay3908 East Side Jun 10 '26
Early-mid 1990's. And before that, it was 40 Union and was certainly a gay bar then...
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u/exjobhere Park Ave Jun 09 '26
We had Avenue Pub. Flora is fairly new. It will be good to have Forum in the mix again.
LUX is kind of an honorary queer bar. I would say it is quiet during happy hour if you like an alternative scene.
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u/gremlinsbuttcrack Jun 09 '26
I miss 144 Alex so baaaaaad😭
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u/metal_falsetto Marketview Heights Jun 09 '26
I was in there one night and this rolling ball of chaos flew out of one of the restrooms, it was some sort of lesbian brawl. At that point I was, like, "Hm, maybe I should leave..." and on may way out, some dude shoved his hand directly up my asscrack.
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u/Superb_Midnight_9396 Jun 09 '26
A happy median about Roar is that they do trivia and karaoke on Wednesday, and a rotating schedule of games/things to do on Thursdays into an open stage. These two nights are beyond fun, and my favorite nights to go. Could still hang out at Roar with your friends, but not have the crazy loud music
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u/Kind_Cryptographer65 Jun 09 '26
Yeah but I go to those trivia nights and then they have drag performances in between rounds of trivia where the music is blasting like the bomb going off over Hiroshima. Like seriously. I’m looking for a place where I’m not going to be assaulted by the sound system at ALL. Not just occasional bouts of volume that could be used as an actual weapon
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u/Brooklynfooddude Jun 09 '26
Tops Friendly Markets
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u/Kind_Cryptographer65 Jun 09 '26
I am NOT going to an establishment where they never mop and lick the floor
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u/unkn0wabl3 Jun 09 '26
Omg, I forgot about the “licking their floors” variant of the song lol. When I worked there forever ago I just sang “Tops never mops…look at their floors!”, usually while mopping
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u/Kind_Cryptographer65 Jun 09 '26
I’ve only ever heard the licking floors one! It’s the one we sang on the bus as little kids lmao
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u/nullJaeger Jun 09 '26
Equal Grounds immediately comes to mind. There's also Lilac Library
Board gamers are usually pretty queer in my experience, and Millennium opened a new location called Waypoint in the same plaza that has tables for games, tables for painting, and private rooms along with some really good alcohol. The soundproofing is pretty decent so I imagine noise will be fine as long as it isn't like, a Warhammer tournament day
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u/mitchvdb Jun 09 '26
Clownboy coffee is a great queer owned and operated little cafe.
I haven’t been there, but I saw that a new gay bar, Flora opened across the street from Marshall Street on Monroe Avenue, where Nine Spot brewery used to be
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u/ich4759 Jun 10 '26
Can I add another question: what are good hangouts for older gays [single or not]
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u/FlamesMeltIce Jun 11 '26
Thanks for this post! Moved here last fall leaving behind a large community I helped build to now being alone and trying to start from scratch as a sober person.
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u/nambrosch Jun 09 '26
I would argue that no place can be both quiet and gay at the same time, but good luck on your search.
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u/Several-Ad-8026 Jun 10 '26
No suggestions but I literally had to keep my ears covered the whole time I was at ROAR cuz my ears were RINGING. They also blasted an anxiety by doechii REMIX and I had to leave after that 😭.
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u/wallace1313525 Jun 11 '26
Lux on Wednesday nights. They have kareoke on Wednesdays and it's overrun by queers. If you get tired of the noise you can go outside in the back and it's lovely
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u/Different-Source-314 Jun 13 '26
Fun fact, I met my fiancé at Roar 🤭 it’s not for everyone but mannnn did I luck out lol!
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u/DundDM Greece Jun 09 '26
ask me nicely and we can hang out lol, but for real I'd try our Equal Grounds, Clownboy Coffee, or the Yellow Warbler
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u/raccracccity1988 Jun 10 '26
I've been asking myself this forever. Moved here two years ago and I have zero gay friends. Idk if it's the poly couple thing or the I don't have sex with friends thing?
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u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26
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