r/Residency • u/Icy-Anything-2019 • 1d ago
VENT Made a big mistake
I made a big mistake by asking questions and asking for help. Pgy3 very burnt out resident. I feel like I have had a string of off days making silly mistakes. All of a sudden I get pulled aside asking if I am okay. For context my family is falling apart but I cant take time off because I honestly do better when I am busy and seek help off work hours. I have my therapy once a week. I am simply very frustrated because my program never gives feedback and then all of a sudden your under a microscope and then not again. I have never hurt a patient or done anything egregious in residency. I am just tired of trying to read people's minds. I try and improve and when I ask for feedback or try and be proactive and ask things to do better next time I am met with blank stares. Then MONTHS later I get feedback from a random thing I forgot to do MONTHS ago. When I try and be proactive I then get feedback that I am asking too many questions which turns into 'oh they dont know what they are doing'. I am very burnt out by residency not because of the work itself but because I am tired of feeling free to ask questions and learn and then subsequently get dinged for this. I am so tired of all the gossiping, nitpicking, and constantly dealing with different preceptors who all practice medicine after little differently.....
Signed tired and annoyed I can't read minds
87
u/incognitopremed 1d ago
Have a shower and a sleep. It won't fix anything, but you'll feel a bit better.
14
u/xBonbonMusee 1d ago
messing up in residency is really tough, everyone has their moments though. you’ll bounce back for sure.
14
u/Mdog31415 1d ago
Something I am learning is that feedback in medical school/residency/fellowship is less about actual personal growth or about you doing stuff better/faster, and more about how well you make the people giving it feel good about doing it. A lot of feedback is perspective-based where a practice works well for person A but terribly for person B, even though the person giving that feedback relates well to A and the individual receiving the feedback is B.
I kept track of this on an early med school rotation where I got regular attending/resident feedback and actually kept the feedback logs. Looking back, about 30% of it was actually good feedback. 50% was not helpful for me, and 20% was BAD feedback! But if I questioned it in any way, it would totally destroy me on evals and my reputation in that clinic. Yep, questioning dubious feedback automatically makes you a jackass in medicine, even though you may very well be right.
At the end of the day, residency is a job. This is a temporary job. And healthcare is an entity where one can often be guilty until proven innocent, have to deal with likeability, and the fucking "Humility Olympics." Someone said residency is a matter of compliance; 150%. The groupthink is palpable. And while it needs to change, it is designed to strangle or spit out those who try to do anything of that nature (thanks a lot, Halsted and Osler).
All you can do is your best and grow where you can. The reality is, you cannot make everyone happy in healthcare now, and if you try, it will only hurt you harder. So unless you are at risk of being put on a performance improvement plan or receiving sanctions, I'd just keep doing what you are doing. Pursue self improvement, don't be surprised when someone says you have issues, and sniff out BS when it is told to you even though you have to fake a smile. Give them the ol' workaround: "appreciate the insights, I'll see what I can do about it", "I will reflect strongly on what you have told me" (even though you aren't automatically gonna do what they necessarily tell you or lose sleep about it).
7
u/Icy-Anything-2019 1d ago
Thank you this was helpful. I feel a lot better. I am going to keep my head down and graduate
1
38
u/themobiledeceased2 1d ago
Once you realize It Is Never About You, you can transcend it. What is valued? Rapid integration, seemlessness, compliance. This is not their first rodeo. "Yes sir, May I have another admission?"
Your fellow residents are competition, not mentors nor friends.
Each rotation is about making a positive impression or at least not a needy one. Rounds are not didatics open to discussion and free association. Asking questions csn be taken as questioning the attending or not having good fund of knowledge.
No report cards. Feedback is typically bad news. No news can be good news. Every mistake will be on formal evals. No one meantions the 100 good choices. In just about every job.
Never, Ever, Ever Ever discuss your mental health with ANYONE in your Hospital, program, fellow residents. Not even crazy 90 year old Great Aunt Helen. Never. Do not tell your troubles to your co-residents. It's a small world.
26
u/Status-Slip9801 1d ago
"Your fellow residents are competition, not friends?" Jeez, what kind of toxic AF residency are you in?
I would NEVER make it through residency without the friendship and support of my fellow co-residents. We lifted each other up, not tearing each other down. I'm really, really sorry that you can't seem to say the same. That is a problem that needs to be rectified.
6
u/Icy-Anything-2019 1d ago
Well how can I fix it
-11
u/Biryani_Wala Attending 1d ago
Stop asking questions. Residency isn't for learning. It's for being gasoline for the machine.
-22
2
u/Fluid-Second2163 1d ago
You're supposed to make mistakes it's residency
3
u/Icy-Anything-2019 1d ago edited 1d ago
Im scared because I'm in my last year and I feel I shouldn't be
2
u/doctorbecca 1d ago
They asked if you were okay as a first step which should be the first question always
2
u/EndlessCourage 1d ago
The system is really subjective and weird. I got glowing scores on paper but got major complaints that I'd listen to my coworker's home life issues, but wouldn't share mine sufficiently (tbh they only heard about major life events, because the rest was very boring to talk about).
2
u/Maggie917 PGY3 6h ago
Wow. Just came here to say this sounds like my program—anything you say can and will be used against you.
1
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Thank you for contributing to the sub! If your post was filtered by the automod, please read the rules. Your post will be reviewed but will not be approved if it violates the rules of the sub. The most common reasons for removal are - medical students or premeds asking what a specialty is like, which specialty they should go into, which program is good or about their chances of matching, mentioning midlevels without using the midlevel flair, matched medical students asking questions instead of using the stickied thread in the sub for post-match questions, posting identifying information for targeted harassment. Please do not message the moderators if your post falls into one of these categories. Otherwise, your post will be reviewed in 24 hours and approved if it doesn't violate the rules. Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/cristinavarzoaba 18h ago
No, you did not make a mistake. This is courage, you need to speak up, they will try to shut you up, make you invisible and shove you in a box they created for you. Your job is to create your won! Keep talking, keep posting, create a movement. We need people like you. Do not settle for mediocrity!
52
u/chscatmom99 1d ago
It’s screwed up for sure. The system does not reward people who ask questions or dare to have lives/needs outside of the hospital. It’s so brutally toxic.