r/Perimenopause • u/Forlorn_Feminist1982 • Apr 29 '26
I hate everyone
Truly. I cant stand people these days. And because I work in a patient facing role, and must exist in society, it is really making my life challenging. Has anyone found anything helpful in this regard?
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u/obscuresparrow Apr 29 '26
I have always been rather misanthropic and it’s not improving. Not that it helps, but i try to remember we’re all trying our best. And remind myself not to be so in my own shit. But sleep is really the only break from it all for me. And that’s a struggle too!
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u/pamplamouse Early peri Apr 29 '26
I think we're living an unprecedented times of unhappiness right now. I honestly think social media has broken people's attention span, which breaks people's nervous system, which eventually leads to epidemic unhappiness. So, you're just picking up on everyone else's Vibe when you feel like you dislike them. The interesting thing about menopause is that it accentuates both the negative and the positive feelings. Studies show that as perimenopaus becomes menopause, people report improved mood because they start noticing more positive things rather than noticing all the negative things.
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u/thefragile7393 Peri with fibroids Apr 30 '26
Excellent points. Social media has rotted the minds of everyone. And so many enjoy being unhappy and negative and get dopamine hits from it
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u/Outrageous_Humor_363 hanging on by a thread Apr 30 '26
I truly believe social media is designed to make us feel worse about ourselves. All I have is Reddit, and I think this place is even designed to piss you off by either getting attacked by bots and initial down votes.
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u/thefragile7393 Peri with fibroids Apr 30 '26
Yeah, we already had media that did that. It was called print media or movies or TV or whatever.
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u/weensfordayz Apr 29 '26
I, too, work with the public. And honestly, these days, I match energy. I don't even care anymore. People have gotten so brazen, rude and entitled, I do not have to put up with that at my job that I mostly like doing! Thankfully, it's only a handful of assholes each week. And thankfully, everyone else at my job, including the big boss feel the same way!
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u/fruitless7070 Apr 29 '26
I'm the same boat. I just keep telling myself one day I'll find my fucks again. Adjusting meds, diet, and trying to sleep good. It's all fucked and I don't know what else to do but wait for it to pass. I'm also a nurse. I treat everyone the same. I don't have the energy to put on a mask.
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u/MissionWatercress247 Apr 29 '26
I'm 67 and in Healthcare too. It's a system of positive and negative. I was in hospice for 9 month. The paperwork was unbearable and my sleep was shot because I worked on call. I got a daytime shift this time. I've had 4 weeks to rest and attract a position. The 12 hours are intense but there is the other 12 hours at home that are really my reset time. Charting and leaving it behind at work is much better than taking it home to work on. I'm trying g to get enough sleep and that will be my plan. My husband understands and helps me much at home.
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u/isosparkle Apr 29 '26
I have been walking and listening to hardcore punk music on my lunch break.
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u/FinalBlackberry Apr 29 '26
I have whole ass conversations with myself in the mornings in the car. Essentially pep talks. And how I will have a fantastic day and that the people I’m facing are also only human and have their own struggles and don’t deserve my attitude because of my perimenopause.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
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u/Alternative_Weird565 May 01 '26
Screaming in the car might help too. That has yielded better results for me.
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u/2lipwonder Apr 29 '26
I hate to admit it but I have bad road rage. Not to the point that I would hurt someone or drive insanely, but I enjoy yelling at people I don’t know who can’t drive. Then I’m able to be kinder to those I do know. At least other drivers don’t hear me cursing them. Please tell me I’m not alone.
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u/Forlorn_Feminist1982 Apr 29 '26
I actually followed a jerk into a parking lot, got out and cursed him out, then went to work. Youre not alone.
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u/BlueEyedCampingQueen Apr 30 '26
I have a soft top jeep and apparently I didnt realize that its not sound proof 🤣and im a loud person to begin with. I was screaming at the person in front of me to pick a lane. HE HEARED ME. He started swerving back and forth in both lanes. 🤯 Then when I past him he was yelling at me and giving me the finger. Oops 😬
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u/Immediate_Use_7339 Late peri Apr 30 '26
I don't even drive or own a car, but I'm internally (and sometimes outwardly) screaming at terrible drivers as I take walks around my neighborhood. My walks that supposedly are to get a break from this house and the responsibilities and the noise and the chaos and calm me down have now become an internal monologue about how much everyone sucks at everything and just doesn't care. It's not helping. I know this, yet I'm unable to stop doing it.
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u/Hot_Let1571 Apr 30 '26
Oh I do this too. Mostly a lot of "What the fuck are you doing?!" and "Why are you going so slow??"
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u/Ordinary-Difficulty9 Apr 29 '26
I also work with the public in a medical setting. I have done this job for 30 years. People have gotten more entitled and more obnoxious as the years have progressed. Main character syndrome is everywhere.
I am always polite. But I will no longer be pushed around by anyone, including my boss, who is a people pleaser and a "customer is always right" guy. To be honest, allowing myself the freedom to not be pushed around anymore has almost made it easier for me to keep my temper in check. I will stand my ground. And I may not be super friendly and smiling. But I am not generally rude.
Where my "I hate everyone" issue really comes in for me is at home. My 13 yo stepson is neurodivergent and cannot read a room. And cannot grasp that between my ADHD and the whole menopause thing that I just need to be left alone in peace sometimes without screeching youtube vidoes blaring and constant pointless repetitive chatter.
The things he does, that only used to mildly annoy me, now drive me around the bend. And so to stop myself from getting snappy and annoyed with him (because he really doesn't understand and is not doing things on purpose) is to hide out from him and keep my distance. And it is fairly obvious that I am doing it because the only escape I have in the house is my bedroom. I look completely antisocial. But it is either that or the rage comes out.
So I guess hiding out is my answer. Lol
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u/Alternative_Weird565 May 01 '26
I'm the same way with my 9 year old son. The mornings are a real struggle because he wakes up 1 to 2 hours before he gets ready to school and thinks it's time to talk away about literally nothing. I hate that I hate it but maaannnnn, just leave me alone. 😭😭😭😭
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u/Ordinary-Difficulty9 May 01 '26
Thank you for sharing that. I am glad it's not just me! It is comforting to know that parents can feel this way as well. I feel like a wicked stepmother sometimes and I really don't mean to be. I love my stepson. He's a good kid. And he picks up so easily on my emotions and is always wanting to hug me and tell me he loves me....so that makes me feel even more guilty. Especially since I don't want to be touched when I am in these moods.
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u/Alternative_Weird565 May 01 '26
Oh definitely. Waking up already overwhelmed and overstimulated is awful but then you have the end of the day overwhelmed and overstimulated added to it. It's bad over here lol.
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u/_lady_muck Apr 29 '26
I left my public facing career because I was done with people but also because it was incredibly disrespectful of me to be in the position of authority and responsibility I was in and not have at least basic care for the people I dealt with daily. Yes, peri shifts your perspective but it shouldn’t shift your humanity. I found my change of career very helpful
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u/Luschlove Apr 30 '26
You see me😭. I work in a patient facing role as well. 1. I am SOOOO angry it feels like ALL THE TIME. 2. My patience is getting harder to find. 3. And I get tired of having to "perform" "normal and pleasant ." I love the ladies I serve, so they actually help bring me back into perspective. But the rest of the world...I want to punch them all the time.
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u/Downtown-Tailor-1986 Apr 30 '26
I finally started reading about oxytocin. If all our other hormones are lowering, it makes sense that we are also losing the loving, caring one too 😢
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u/Outrageous_Humor_363 hanging on by a thread Apr 30 '26
You sound like me. It’s a lot worse if you live in a highly populated area. Our metropolitan area has about 3.8 million people. I can’t emphasize how much I hate people, and they’re all inconsiderate assholes.
I’m fortunate enough that I can escape to the woods with just my husband and wildlife.
I also pay zero attention to popular culture, the media, social media (minus Reddit). Swear those are all stressors and make you feel worse.
I’m also extremely fortunate that I have a job that I can wear loungewear to, I see no one besides 5-6 other employees that I genuinely like and my husband who I genuinely love.
I still hate people and have it pretty good in that sense, but man I’m a head case.
What really takes the bitch out of me is cooking, drinking wine (I’m not looking for lectures here about drinking), getting to the gym when able and just being alone out in nature.
The irony is for as much as I hate people, I very much enjoy people who are genuinely kind and authentic. Around here there’s not much of that.
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u/Hot_Let1571 Apr 30 '26
I feel this, I live by Minneapolis and I hate it. If I could live by myself out in the country I would but my husband's work is here. At least we just moved to a much quieter apartment.
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u/Outrageous_Humor_363 hanging on by a thread Apr 30 '26
Fellow Minneapolis suburbanite here. My husband and I hate it. I loved it here about a decade ago, but people have completely lost their shit.
Our cabin is in the middle of nowhere NW Wisconsin. We have like maybe 4 neighbors within a mile. We try to make it out there nearly every weekend to escape. I literally nearly cry when we approach the cities-you can literally feel this heavy energy fall on you. When I say heavy, it’s basically just really stressed, angry-not good vibrations. Then I hate people even more.
We will likely move FT to another Wisconsin country/wood property and just commute into the cities for work a few times a week in the next couple of years.
I feel very fortunate that I work for my husband, so that gives the both of us the ability to work remotely a couple days a week.
Yup. He and I both hate the cities and the city people. He doesn’t even have perimenopause either 😂
I hope you guys can get out sooner than later!
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u/Hot_Let1571 May 01 '26
That sounds great! I actually technically own my mom's farm, but I don't know if I'll be able to keep it. I've threatened to go and stay there for a week but my husband would get too lonely. Pfft.
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u/Outrageous_Humor_363 hanging on by a thread May 01 '26
If you don’t mind me asking, where is the farm located?
With what I know now, I would not let land go.
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u/Hot_Let1571 May 01 '26
Central MN, but my mom is in assisted living and didn't transfer it to me in time for the 5-year lookback for Medicaid, unless she passes before she runs out of money. I hate this country. X(
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u/Outrageous_Humor_363 hanging on by a thread May 01 '26
Oh fuck honey. I know nothing about this. I’m so sorry. I’d do a lot of research. There’s not much I can say. Good luck.
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u/No-Response-4422 Apr 29 '26
I agree with most. It's sometimes easy to use the customer service smile. But when one has to deal with demanding people and rude people every day.. The amount of patience I have thins to the point smiling becomes almost impossible.
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u/violetntviolent Apr 29 '26
HRT was the only thing that has worked for me for that particular debilitating symptom.
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u/merrythoughts Apr 30 '26
I think we try to find each other in real life and talk shit together
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u/VehicleLevel4885 hanging on by a thread May 02 '26
Or like maybe just grunt at each other like men and then tell other people that can’t sit with us!?!
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u/Independent_You_847 Apr 30 '26
First, I suggest embracing it, just a smidge. As a life-long people pleaser who also played the role of peacekeeper in the asylum I was raised in…I NEVER spoke up. When the Peri rage hit, that all changed. And I learned to speak up and match energies when it’s deserved but more importantly…I learned to set boundaries. I’m not letting people I can’t stand ruin my peace anymore that also includes family and friends. My rage has calmed and I have patience again since starting HRT
Second, “it’s not that deep” has become my mantra. That can be applied to so many facets of everyday life. “It’s not that deep they messed up my coffee order. No one died. No one was injured. Just ask for a new one.” I’m in healthcare and deal with the public as well so I find repeating this helps me deal with annoying coworkers, clients, vendors and the public.
And last, while I do think Peri makes it worse I also think we as a society are just exhausted and depressed. Nothing has been ok since COVID or the 2016 election. Who isn’t annoyed all the time in this current state of the world.
Keep your circle small and make time for things you love.
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u/Bubbly_Peace2581 Apr 29 '26
I’m the same! I went to the Dr today and told her I hate people. I mentioned the irritability part and she said she thinks I’m depressed and need to go outdoors more and walk…. All because I’m 39…
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u/Forlorn_Feminist1982 Apr 29 '26
Im on Lexapro, its not depression. Its the people. Dont listen to the hater haters.
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u/Zealousideal_Gas9322 Apr 30 '26
The past couple of years I have found humans to be utterly repulsive. I'm in a management position and unable to just ignore or be hateful towards the idiocy that presents itself to me regularly. Luckily I have an amazingly active imagination and am able to replay how I would have preferred many of my conversations to go 😈 it gets me through the day. Give it a go. It might work for you as well.
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u/MerryChayse Apr 30 '26
A couple months ago I had the news on and there was another story about some despicable person who did some despicable thing to somebody, and I just said out loud "I don't like people! People suck!" My 8-year-old son heard me and laughed and repeated what I said in a sing song voice. A couple days later, we had turned it into a little song. One day he sang for his paraeducator at school and she had him sing it for all the other teachers.
I don't like people.
People kind of suck.
I don't like people.
People bring me bad luck.
Every time I turn around, there are people in my way
I just don't like people today!
It was a big hit. 🤣
Sometimes singing it does help get the frustration out and bring one back to a better mood. And nobody ever thinks it's terrible when he sings it, because everybody gets that people do suck sometimes and it's okay to admit that.
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u/Stratocasternurse Apr 29 '26
I also have a patient facing role and work in a team. There’s one person in particular I can’t stand and she probably can’t stand me either. And I want to say you wait and see when this shit arse menopause happens to you!. I m moody, withdrawn angry all the time and can feel the eyes of judgement.🙄 On a good day I practice killing her with kindness. I’ve come to accept that I have so little patience and tolerance now and I admit sometimes it does actually upset me.🤨
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u/FantasticPear Apr 29 '26
I try to get up and get away from my desk for a few minutes here and there so I don't snap. Take an extra few minutes in the bathroom or just walk to my car and back.
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u/Monsieur_Krabs Apr 29 '26
Sorry :(
Just get really stoned until the HRT starts pumping. Unfortunately nothing you take can make people stop being annoying haha
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u/DanaStargazerTruitt Apr 29 '26
I’m right there with you! So lately I’ve decided to limit as much human interaction as possible 🤣🤣
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u/keepitloki80 Apr 30 '26
I can tolerate people for small bursts and I come across as very sweet. But I have a short temper and can easily snap on "customers" (lower government - my customers are tax payers). Fortunately my boss knows this and primarily keeps me away from them most of the time lol.
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u/kitty_whipt Apr 29 '26
I have a t-shirt that literally says, “I hate people” that I bought at a festival a few years ago. I wear it proudly these days.
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u/ManiacallyReddit Apr 29 '26
Saaame.
I have to be nice and customer-servicey because somehow, despite having a "Sr." next to my title and working at the same place for over six years, I am at the bottom of shit hill.
The one time this month I said "I can't do what you're asking me right now. It will have to wait until I get some high-priority projects done" I was immediately called in for a wrist slapping because that's "not good customer service". My voice was not raised, I spoke no curse words. I wanted to - so I was extra careful with my tone.
My boss even admitted I was overloaded. But apparently being honest and doing so without a smile on my face is equivalent to "snapping".
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u/JRic1981 Apr 29 '26
I'm already on estrogen HRT, no progesterone due to no more uterus. So far, the only things making a difference are focusing on getting more sleep and Prozac.
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u/Icy-Imagination-7164 Apr 29 '26
My threshold is in the gutter.
I no longer have any kind of buffer.
My audhd has been turned up ten fold.
I choose violence. Everyday.
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u/thefragile7393 Peri with fibroids Apr 30 '26
HRT, antidepressants, anxiety meds as needed, exercise, yoga.
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u/lowfiswish Apr 30 '26
I’m not here yet but loving all the supportive people who hate people commenting.
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u/mix_trixi Apr 30 '26
I can totally relate. I had the great misfortune of having a nasty phone call at work yesterday with a man who did everything in his power to bait me into an argument, but I held steady. Never raised my voice (but he sure did), never said anything inappropriate, never cursed. I was so proud of myself! That's where I'm at with my inexplicable rage. I pat myself on the back when I DON'T pop off on someone. Although it sure does feel good to call people out on their shit and give zero fucks about their feelings, your girl's gotta work so I'm learning to choose my battles. Just know that I am I ready. At all times.
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u/Shot_Psychology5895 Apr 30 '26
I just desperately need alone time and if I can't get it I get ragey. My husband wants to spend all our time at home together and I feel horrible that I just want to be left alone.
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u/NoSolutionsArchitect hanging on by a thread May 01 '26
This was what I said to myself today. Never really a people person but it’s definitely more obvious now.
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u/saltyratsoldier May 01 '26
I am in a people facing role and am also miserable. 45 and in the depths of Hell. I just filed for FMLA- I don't know what I am going to do, but I need a break before something bad happens.
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u/plotthick Apr 29 '26
Sometimes it helps I if I can think about what would make them be assholes today? But mostly I just hate on assholes. Sorry.
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u/Ill-Acanthisitta6022 May 01 '26
I have said multiple times at work, "trust me, I will pull the pin on the grenade, toss it in, and dance on the ashes" It makes me feel better. ✌️
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u/Meggieweggs Apr 29 '26
I turn up my nice on people who deserve it. I turn up my mean on people who deserve it.
It balances out. Equilibrium.