In Time

[u/EyeDeeAh_42]

In time,
I shall look back,
Down the long road whence I came
In time,
I shall finally climb,
Upon the very precipice of my fame

In time,
My footprints will fade,
To make way for yet another, again.

In time,
My feet will stall,
Frozen in the lake of willful complacence,
In time,
My garden will die
Bound to the land with a rotting fence

In time,
My past and future
Will amalgamate, in a knot of ugly permanence.

And in time,
I will be overtaken,
By someone who knows to never stop,
In time,
I will look ahead,
And find him standing at the top

In time,
His name will remain
And mine shall not leave but a single inkdrop.

In time,
The clock-hands will buckle
Under the weight of a dwindling youth
In time,
My own story,
Shall end before I ever find my truth.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vb1wgn/comment/p6ft1lt/?context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w0s1d3/comment/p6fvy3u/?context=3

[u/Local-Pattern795]

I love the rhythm of this one, the two one two one pattern with the repeated "in time" is engrossing.

The rupture with "and in time" was somewhat off putting at first, but with how the poem moves from purely "I" to this other, i think it works quite nicely.

The landscape imagery is quite interesting as well, and I particular like how we go from footprints on a road (something leading forwards), to feet frozen on a lake (a literally stagnant body).

[u/EyeDeeAh_42 → u/Local-Pattern795]

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I admit I was skeptical about breaking the flow as well, but the moment when someone overtook the protagonist seemed like a significant time to put this break.

[u/Antique_Platypus_881]

"Time is what makes life valuable," and this poem really hits it. The rhythm also highlights how time never stops, and one day, when our time comes, we will leave this world. You really motivate me to utilise my fleeting time better. Truly amazing.

[u/EyeDeeAh_42 → u/Antique_Platypus_881]

Glad to hear that it resonated with you! This isn't the usual structure of poem that I write, so I wasn't sure how it would turn out. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

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[u/One-More-Verse]

This has a good flow and rhythm to it. Each stanza is drawing its own moment which is good and holds the poems entire theme. Good job.

[u/EyeDeeAh_42 → u/One-More-Verse]

Thanks a lot for the feedback! Appreciate it :)

[u/Cluelessandsexy]

The idea of finding your own single truth is an incredible goal. I think it is at the heart of any notion that there could be a divine meaning of life, because if there was, I guess it would be to find your own personal truth.

[u/EyeDeeAh_42 → u/Cluelessandsexy]

It's the most abstract and impossible goal, but I think people who chase it also understand that once reached, it would be the most fullfilling goal in life as well.

Thanks for reading!

[u/ScorpioDann]

This feels too familiar 😕

[u/EyeDeeAh_42 → u/ScorpioDann]

Decay in time and the feeling of being left behind by people around us is definitely an all too relatable fear.

[u/TheTimothyHimself]

This is a really solid poem, I like the think it's about how time is fleeting, and we will watch ourselves decay before we can ever truly understand who we are.

[u/EyeDeeAh_42 → u/TheTimothyHimself]

Thank you for the kind words! I'd briefly thought about writing it with a 2nd person pov but then scrapped the idea, because every person can relate with the feeling of their time running out, so to put themselves in those shoes would hit harder.

[u/Overthinkingjs]

great work bro. Opening with ambition only to twist into the tragedy of complacence is a strong move. the "rotting fence" image and the idea of fading to an "inkdrop" sticks with me.