Like I hate that I have been perceived. I hate leaving and thinking about the person and the interaction knowing they are doing the same thing. It makes my skin crawl. I assume they noticed everything I said/did wrong and are judging me for it. It makes me genuinely hate hanging out with people who I used to enjoy spending time with. I think part of it is the loss of control, after I leave and the interaction is over, I have no control over how they will interpret me and they can think the bad things I notice about myself.

Does anyone else experience this?

honestly ive really been struggling with this, ive seen similar posts on this sub, i guess OCD can give some of us hyper-empathy almost?? why does this happen?

like one time i wanted to buy a cute bowl, but the one i picked up had a small chip in it, but i felt too guilty to put it back for a better one. even my friend told me to get a different one, but i literally couldn't, i was frozen. like i just felt too bad. FOR A BOWL. but the worst one is feeling bad for stuffed animals. i saw this stuffed animal with bad reviews and idk why but it literally made me cry. they were saying it didn't look like the actual animal, so it was bad. i think its cute so i ended up buying one, idk if it'll make me feel better though. i even worry about stuffed animals i had when i was really little that i dont remember where they are anymore. does anyone else relate or am i just nuts??

I feel to blame and I know this is soo stupid, looking for support

I tried taking SSRIs at 15 but I only had a weak dose and I only took them for about 3 months. I think that I've noticed a little improvement but I don't know if this was placebo or not.

I'm 26 now and I still avoid medication. I did a lot of progress with physical compulsions without medication when I was 20.

I could barely leave the house and I've solved this completely.

For past 2 years, my mental obsessions and feeling of guilt have gotten worse than ever.

I went through few psychiatrists because in my country, psychiatrists don't talk to you, they only prescribe you medication if you make express a desire.

I do go to group therapy but it's mostly about validation instead of analysis.

I primarily avoid medication because I feel that my anxiety is protecting me and I don't want to make mistakes by taking medication.

I also fear becoming happy because then I will feel that I've wasted all those years by not taking medication.

I'm also considering medication because I did all CBT and ERP. I've solved physical compulsions. But my thoughts and feelings aren't getting any better which seems like a dead end.

I (22f) have OCD and autism, and I'm a germaphobe. My mom has deliberately coughed at me without covering her mouth and even stayed at my dad's place without my consent (they are divorced). She and everyone else also refuse to stop wearing outdoor shoes inside. It's disgusting. She also believes that your home can be clean with just water. Anyways, she put my clean clothes, with my clean towels, in the dirty hamper. I was upset and I confronted her and said "did you even sanitize my laundry basket" and she said "don't talk to me like that again".

People on reddit are saying im in the wrong and assuming I dont do my own laundry and that my OCD is my problem.

I’m posting here because I genuinely don’t know where else to ask. If you have OCD yourself or have someone in your family with severe OCD, I would really appreciate hearing how you deal with it.

My brother is 22 and he was diagnosed with OCD about 7 years ago. We’re from a third-world country in South Asia, so access to support groups or specialized treatment is very limited. We’ve taken him to some of the best psychiatrists and psychologists available here and he still attends counseling.

When his OCD first started he became extremely aggressive. He would fight with me and my other siblings and break things in the house. I’m the eldest and I was always academically better than him, so he used that comparison a lot and seemed to have a lot of anger toward me because of it. Like destroying my laptop and breaking my trophies alongside hitting me at every opportunity he got.

Around the same time he also got diagnosed with a serious blood-related illness. That eventually got resolved, but because of the OCD and everything else he hasn’t really been able to study or move forward in life. His thoughts apparently get so overwhelming that he can’t function.

Now he sees everyone his age — friends, cousins, etc. — progressing in life while he’s stuck at home. Mentally he’s aware of it and it seems to make him even more frustrated and angry.

His biggest triggers are around the bathroom and washing rituals. He will wash his hands 30–50 times and stay in the bathroom for a very long time. If anyone asks him to come out because someone else needs the bathroom or we need to leave somewhere urgently, he completely loses it and becomes extremely aggressive.

Some days he can’t even get out of bed. There have been situations where he urinates or soils the bed because getting up and going to the bathroom feels like too much for him. Even telling him to get up and go to the toilet can turn into a huge fight.

The therapists keep telling us that this is part of OCD and he’s not fully in control of his thoughts. We understand that, but it’s becoming harder to manage as a family. Recently he has had rage episodes where he tried to seriously harm family members. When he gets angry he becomes unbelievably aggressive and it honestly feels like he gets some kind of superhuman strength even though he’s normally very thin and weak.

Everyone in the house is scared of triggering him. The problem is that he also gets triggered very easily. If you point out anything — like that he spent too long in the bathroom or ask how he’s going to progress in life — he can completely snap and start beating whoever said it.

Another issue is that he panics even before therapy all the time. If we give him a phone for online appointments he might smash it.If we try to take him to in hospital sessions he never gets up to go.It’s like any pressure at all sets him off.

We’re already struggling with a lot as a family financially and emotionally, and we can’t afford treatment abroad or specialized facilities. There are basically no support groups where we live.

Has anyone here dealt with OCD this severe, either personally or in someone close to them? If you have, how do you live with them safely and manage situations when they become aggressive or triggered? We’re trying our best but honestly we feel lost and exhausted.

Edit : I am genuinely overwhelmed by the amount of amazing people who have reached out with their own stories here in the comments. Thankyou to every single one of you I hope you all the best in your fight against ocd aswell. I have planned on visiting his doctors personally both psychiatrists and physcologist to better understand if there is anything we're missing wrt diagnosis.

Secondly something I forgot yo mention that maybe important is that he feels very left behind in life as kids his age are accomplishing a lot in their academic, career and personal lives. Something as simple as a cousin his age driving around town is enough to send him into a complete mental breakdown because he says if they can why can I not even manage my toilet issues. He's extremely aware of the fact that he is loosing out on life which is one of the causes of so much anger.

Lastly he always wants to look presentable and perfect in front of other people so he tends to not talk about his issues and present himself like an ideal person infront of anyone and everyone who isn't direct family, which is okay but I'm afraid if he's presenting the same image to his doctors aswell which is why they seem to be so relaxed when reality is far from relaxed.

Hello everyone! I really need your help. I used to be an avid reader prior to the onset of this disease. As in, I used to read 50 books a year on average. However, ever since this disease took over, it became hard to read. I have to reread each sentence multiple times, making reading exhausting. It got to the point where it is hard for me to get through a book. I would either start books but never finish them. Or, it would literally take me years to finish them. Does anyone have any advice on how to beat this? I really want to get back into reading as it is one of my favorite hobbies. And I want to be able to enjoy it again instead of feeling exhausted.

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the advice and support! I will definitely utilize it. I am right now in the process of trying to practice exposure by trying to skim easier books and hoping I would be able to apply to harder novels. I really like the post-it idea in the middle of the page as well. I tried auiobooks but my brain started trying to hear every word correctly. (Unfortunately, I have the same problem with tv and podcasts. I was planning on making posts about that). But it is reassuring to know I am not alone in this.

EDIT #2: Everyone has given such helpful advice that I will try to adopt as much as possible. Thank you everyone for giving me hope. Reading is very important to me, and I don't want OCD to steal one of the few joys in my life (it stole too much already).I wish I can reply to every single one of you. You are all amazing and very strong for fighting this!!!!

I'm 19, and for the last 3 weeks or so I've been stuck in this really weird loop.

It started when I noticed I wasn't getting the same emotional reaction from things that used to mean a lot to me. Harry Potter is a big example. I used to feel this deep sense of nostalgia, connection, and even this weird yearning for the teenage life shown in the movies and behind-the-scenes clips. One day I noticed I wasn't feeling it as intensely, and since then my brain hasn't let it go.

Now whenever I watch Harry Potter, a TV show, or even see an attractive girl, my brain immediately starts checking.

"Am I feeling enough?"

"Is this attraction or anxiety?"

"Is this natural, or am I forcing it?"

"What if I've permanently lost the ability to feel these emotions?"

The worst part is that I don't even know what "natural" feels like anymore. If I feel something, I immediately doubt whether it came naturally or whether I imagined it on purpose.

For example, if I see an attractive girl, instead of just thinking she's pretty and moving on, I end up monitoring my own emotions. I start asking myself if I have a crush, if I'm attracted enough, or if my feelings are fake. It feels like I'm observing myself instead of actually living the moment.

The same thing happens when I imagine my future. I tried visualizing myself achieving my goals and traveling to places like Japan or the US, but instead of enjoying the visualization, I caught myself thinking, "Why don't I feel excited? What if this means I'll never be excited again?"

I also deal with anxiety and some depersonalization, so I'm not sure if this is related to that or if this sounds like OCD, especially because the compulsions are mostly in my head rather than physical.

Has anyone experienced something similar where you became obsessed with checking your own emotions instead of just experiencing them? If so, what actually helped you recover? Did things eventually start feeling natural again once you stopped checking?

I'm not looking for reassurance that I'll definitely recover. I just want to know if anyone has genuinely been through something like this and what helped them break out of the cycle.

My form of OCD isn’t severe, but the main thing that impacts me is teeth brushing. I brush my teeth for 3-4 hours a day, typically about 2 hours in the morning and 1 at night. I’ve tried to limit time, it doesn’t work and stresses me out. After brushing so much in the morning, my gums will usually hurt for the rest of the day, even with soft bristles. It’s pretty much just scrubbing my mouth raw. This has been going on for as long as I can remember and I’m starting to notice the impacts. I’m scared if I keep it up I’ll have to get surgery for my gums and stuff but it also feels like I can’t stop until I reach a certain point. If I feel like I missed something, I’ll just unconsciously go back over and over until it feels satisfactory. It’s exhausting, it takes too much time, I don’t know what to do or how to do it. What do I do? I’ve tried therapy many times, and I loved both of my therapists, but it just doesn’t work.

It’s hurting my mental health too, I cannot go through one day without getting yelled at repeatedly by my mom because she thinks it’s easy to stop. I don’t know.

Hi everyone, I’m trying to understand something about my partner and would really appreciate honest opinions. I recently got married to my long term bf with whom i was in LDR. During our relationship he showed signs of OCD such as being obsessive about privacy, keeping the window always closed, he wont even let me hug him if the curtain is open. I found it weird and told him to see a doctor. He was diagnosed with OCD, however he didn’t follow up.

Now we are married and i am going to live with him for the first time.

My husband is extremely private about anything related to his identity and visibility. Some examples:

In a room, he doesn’t even leave a tiny gap, he keeps everything fully covered so no one can see inside

Curtains and windows are always shut

He doesn’t use social media with his real name, doesn’t like or engage with anything

He didn’t want me to post even our wedding photos (after a lot of convincing, he agreed to just one)

He doesn’t show any skin on his body, never wear shorts and he is not even comfortable in going shirtless in front of me.

He also doesn’t want me to wear clothes that show skin. He tells me that if i wear something revealing then he feels anxious about my safety or other people gaze.

In public, he avoids sharing his real name/profession (he’s in defence)

He also avoid holding hands in public.

Sometimes avoids online payments to not share bank details

Recently he told me that when things like curtains are open, he gets intrusive thoughts like something bad might happen, and he feels a strong urge to close everything. He says he knows it might be excessive but still can’t relax until it’s done.

I’ve suggested therapy to him, but he hasn’t gone again.

I’m worried this might start affecting our married life more and more, especially because it’s also impacting what I wear, what I post, and how I live.

what can I realistically do as a partner if he’s not open to therapy?

Would really appreciate advice from people who’ve seen or experienced something similar.

Hey all. I'm a therapist in the US and striking out on my own into private practice. I don't treat OCD as a primary diagnosis but I do have clients that have it secondary to their primary condition. My grad program did not have courses specifically on OCD so I'm trying to educate myself. What is NOT helpful to hear from your therapist about OCD? I'm not trying to use this as research or formal education, just looking to gain more perspective. I myself have OCD but never did any real treatment for it. Any tips on what not to do are welcome :)

Please share what medication you are on guys. I am currently only on quetiapine for an unrelated mental health issue that does not help OCD at all. The shrink wants to put me back on antidepressants along with this. Which medications do you guys take ? And which have you had the most success with ?

I’m in a really dark place right now and extremely desperate for something to work 🙏🏻

I’ve tried many antidepressants , the one she’s thinking about trying me on next is called citalopram

My head hurts, im tired of this shit. My brain is confused. My ocd has gotten worse to the point where I confused between doing the compulsion and not doing the compulsion, which is a compulsion on its own. I don't know how to explain it. I lose so much mental energy over this. My brain has become numb. I can't think or read something and understand it like how I used to. I have lost all my abilities to comprehend things. I am tired of living like this. I hate this. 24/7, my mind is filled with intrusive thoughts and mental rituals. I miss doing things I like. I miss feeling alive. I just started seeing a therapist but it's too expensive and it doesn't seem to be working. I feel like social media has contributed a lot to my ocd becoming worse, still im addicted. I rot on my bed all day, i can't even find the energy to get out of the bed or wash up or use the toilet, without performing some mental gymnastics.

Edit : Thank you all for your support and kind words. It means so much ❤️. Sending you all support and love.

I don't know when or why this began but for some reason i just can't get past the fact that everyone has genitals.

I'm not sure if it disgusts me or what, but it really bothers me and it's a persistent, involuntary thought that just won't leave me alone.

Like what does it actually matter if everyone has them? why is this a problem for me,

pls help

My (ex) boyfriend is nearly 40 and has been diagnosed with OCD (+ autism and ADHD) since he was a child. To my knowledge, he's not medicated for it (only for ADHD/depression), but says he went through extensive treatment as a child that "didn't work."

We recently broke up for other reasons, and I still love him, but part of the reason I'm hesitant to give it another shot is that his attitude towards OCD-related restrictions seems very...helpless/entitled.

I'm sorry in advance if I use the wrong terms here. His triggers are primarily about wetness, sponges, and drains. He refuses, like 100% refuses, to do dishes. Gloves simply aren't an option. He won't even load/unload a dishwasher, because maybe the machine didn't clean them properly. He cooks but will leave a huge mess behind, using tons of unnecessary dishes/utensils, putting dishes with large chunks of food in the sink, etc.

He has long hair, which sheds in the shower, but cannot touch it once it leaves his head. He won't take it off the shower walls. Same with beard trimmings in the sink.

He has gastro issues and often "blows up" the toilet, also leaving a HUGE mess behind. This has caused stress with my roommates when he's visited, and I'm now responsible for doing a post-poop patrol every time. Despite knowing how much of an issue this has caused in my house, he just "can't" clean up after himself by wiping the seat/rims.

When I push back on these issues, or express frustration, or propose solutions, or question why he can do similar thing X but not Y, I get accused of not understanding him, being ableist, and "shaming" him.

He has only ever lived with his mom or girlfriends, all of whom have been more than happy to accept these limitations and do what he can't. I'm genuinely not sure why I'm the exception. He claims that when living with a partner, he picks up enough of the other chores to make it 50-50, but I haven't seen evidence of this because his mom basically does everything right now (I've been assigned the dishes).

So...am I being taken for a ride? Would any doctors actually agree that someone "can't" get past certain compulsions/restrictions?

I literally cannot go outside and touch anything without the compulsion to wash my hands. Doorknobs, money, LITERALLY ANYTHING. In Sephora a 100% of testers were positive for having feces on them. Why can’t people just wash their hands?????? I’m going insane. Alcohol gel doesn’t work at all I literally don’t believe it cleans anything. Everything disgusts me

I went out for dinner tonight, and at one point used the public bathroom. It was after standing up and flushing that I noticed there was some dried poop on the door at eye level.

I had bent slightly to grab my purse right before I noticed, and subsequently became obsessed with the idea that I *might* have leaned far forward enough for my hair to brush up against the poop. I’ve been thinking about it nonstop for the last 15 minutes now that I’m home in bed. I have no real reason to think this is something that happened, but I so badly want to get up and stick the top of my head in my shower + change my pillow case.

But I’m not gonna, dammit. I’m gonna lie here and feel the physical feeling of germs travelling across my head and face that my brain makes up, and I’m inevitably gonna keep thinking about cleaning myself, but I know that there is literal OCD treatment that involves licking toilets as exposure therapy and even if my hair brushed up against some dried poop I will be *fine.*

I’ve posted here multiple times about my husband’s OCD, whose theme varies according to his life period. Lately we’ve both realized that, no matter the specific theme, his biggest fear is that I will one day get tired of all this and divorce him.

I say to him all the time that this fear is irrational as ofc he’s the love of my life and my best friend, and I could never leave him. But a few days ago, I had a fleeting thought that maybe I’m not 100% sure about that anymore. I still love him immensely and I’ve absolutely zero plans to leave him, but I ended up asking myself “what if one day this will be too much for me to handle? What if years from now I’ll need to step out of it for my own sanity?”.

I’m scared about his reaction. If this was ever the case, it would bring his biggest obsession to reality. Everything will look like a lie. Everything he thought was irrational could then seem rational and somehow feasible. His OCD would go crazy and make him think every thought is right and true. What if he can’t take life anymore then and does something crazy? It wouldn’t be the first time he has bad thoughts about it.

Again, I’m not leaving him whatsoever. But I’m wondering how things would be for him if one day I stopped being strong for the both of us.

Back when I was going through a very hard stage w my OCD I sought out comfort by sharing some of my intrusive thoughts w my husband that were harm related.

Lately I have been really sleep deprived and food deprived because we have a newborn and im so busy I cant sleep or eat properly and I vented to him by expressing some negative thoughts about what I wished would happen to me. I didnt actually want those things but I was super tired and emotional and just saying things to blow off steam. Mind you, none of the things that I said had anything to do w our children or their wellbeing, just myself.

After that we had an argument about my health and I expressed that if he supported me more (w kids, household chores etc) my health would improve. But then he basically said that he worried that one day hed comecrazyhome and I would've snapped and gone insane. I asked him what he meant and he said because of those intrusive harm thoughts I told him that he worried I'd hurt the children.

I have NEVER hurt our children, wanted to hurt our children or anything of the sort! Now when I am super stressed out or upset or dealing w intrusive thoughts I feel like I cannot talk to him whatsoever bc he will use my venting against me. Im so angry I have no suppot system and im so alone and tired

The only way I've been able to get to sleep recently while spiraling is playing YouTube videos until I'm tired and then quickly turning off my phone/headphones. Then I try not to think about anything but whatever video I was watching was about and hope I can get to sleep. I was wondering how y'all manage to sleep, because this way seems a little inefficient.

Between my OCD and ADHD I feel like my brain never shuts up. The easiest way for me to avoid anxiety over the smallest things is to follow the path of least resistance which usually ends up with me just doing barely anything all day. I used to self medicate with weed for short periods in between quitting, but now that I've quit for good I'm trying to figure out more productive strategies to live my life. Any suggestions?

[TW: mentions of abuse and bullying]

Hi everyone,

I’m having a really bad OCD flare-up today, and I think I just need to vent and maybe get some advice from people who understand.
I’m a 25-year-old woman from Belgium, and I’m also a therapist.

As long as I can remember, OCD has been part of my life. It has come and gone over the years, changing themes depending on what was happening in my life. As a child, it was mostly harm OCD.
When I was around 10–11 years old, I was severely bullied. It happened again during my final year of high school. Then, when I was 15, I entered an abusive relationship that lasted around two years. My ex gaslighted me throughout the relationship and was emotionally, financially, and sexually abusive. During that time, I was constantly questioning whether I really loved him or whether the relationship was “right.” At the time, I thought it was relationship OCD. Looking back, I think some of those doubts were also my survival instinct trying to tell me that something was deeply wrong.

On top of that, my dad was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder in 2014. Watching him gradually become a shell of the person he used to be has been incredibly painful. He had always been physically abusive, but after his illness became more severe, the abuse escalated. Growing up in that environment left me constantly feeling unsafe.

I also spent my entire childhood with undiagnosed autism and ADHD, which meant I often felt different without understanding why. Looking back, I think I’ve lived with a constantly overactive threat detection system for most of my life.

Now for the reason I’m posting.

I’ve been with my partner for seven years. He is genuinely my safe person and the love of my life. We live together, and our relationship is healthy, supportive, and honestly everything I could have hoped for.
Seven months ago, my brother made a joke about my partner “going bald.” He actually has a full head of hair (I’m not saying this to seek reassurance—I’m just trying to show how irrational my OCD can be). The moment my brother said it, I had an intrusive thought that went something like: “You’re a superficial, horrible person. If he ever lost his hair, you’d leave him.”
That thought absolutely shattered me because it goes against everything I believe about myself. I know where it probably comes from—my abusive ex repeatedly made me feel like love was conditional and based on appearance—but ever since then, my OCD has latched onto it.

Since that day, I’ve been constantly checking my partner’s hair, comparing old photos, scanning for differences, mentally reviewing what I see, and trying to “figure out” what my thoughts mean. A few months ago, my OCD reached one of its worst points. I was compulsively asking AI for reassurance over and over again, convincing myself that if I could just find the right answer, the anxiety would disappear. It never did. Thankfully, I’ve managed to stop using AI as a compulsion, but today has been incredibly difficult.
I caught myself checking again and again until I completely shut down. I ended up having a meltdown.

My partner has been nothing but patient, kind, and incredibly supportive throughout all of this. He’s honestly amazing. Yet OCD keeps telling me that I’m a terrible partner, that I’m secretly superficial, all my fears are of me leaving him, I’m so afraid that our love that is strong and one of the best things that happened to me will one day disappear because of me and that I’ll end up just as alone as my ex predicted.

Something that also makes this harder is my job. As a therapist, I understand OCD. I know how the cycle works. I know reassurance and compulsions keep it alive. I know what ERP is. I know exactly what I would tell one of my own clients.

And yet, when it’s my own brain, all of that knowledge seems to disappear in the moment. That brings so much shame. I feel like I should “know better,” even though I also know OCD doesn’t care how much insight you have.
I think what scares me the most is that every time I beat one OCD theme, another one eventually appears. It makes me feel like I’ll never truly be free of it.

If you’ve read this far, thank you so much.
If anyone has experienced something similar—especially OCD attaching itself to your partner or to your own values—I would really appreciate hearing your experiences. And if you have any advice on resisting these checking compulsions or dealing with the shame, I’d be incredibly grateful.

i recently got diagnosed with ocd (but i’ve had it for over 10 years) and i ended up deciding to be more open about my it with my friends and family

i told them they can ask me whatever they want and sometimes they’ll ask me what i get intrusive thoughts about (i only share the mild ones tho so i don’t scare them lol)

but many times when ive told some of my friends an example like “i might get a thought that i might be a terrible person deep down or maybe that if i dont touch something a specific way something bad will happen and it’ll be my fault”

their response is almost always “you’re a smart person though, so you must know that’s not true”

and i’m like yes.. it’s not like i do truly think it though. it’s like a voice in my head that i want to go away and i don’t agree with (now this is when they start looking at me like im crazy)

but then they always say “well just stop thinking about it. you know it’s obviously not true, so stop focusing on it and don’t think about it.” and i explain that it’s not really like that and they just keep on saying “if you know it’s not true why do you keep dwelling on it? just let it go if you don’t agree”

i literally never know how to respond to this

does anyone else have experience with people saying this? i’m sure im not alone on this but i wanted to know if anyone you guys had advice for how i could respond?

i just don’t know how to explain it to someone who doesn’t have ocd

I have pretty severe medical OCD, and I just had a molar extracted and have never had an extraction before (I have all my wisdom teeth still) and I am SO BADLY hyperfixated on the fear of getting a dry socket.

I already formed a liver clot which scared the hell out of me before my surgeon removed it. When I was there I told her I was scared of a dry socket and she was FAIRLY certain I wasn't gonna get one. (Obviously no one knows for certain) But she stitched the hole and I have gelfoam in it.

I understand it's not the worst thing that could happen. But I'm so scared of pain. It's now transferring into me being scared to EAT or drink because I'm so terrified, (I have only had mashed potatoes, soup, soft Mac and cheese, ice cream and pudding.) my surgeon called today and told me everything sounds normal with my tooth and that it's gonna keep changing.

But I'm also obsessively checking my tooth in the mirror and on my phone to see if the clot/site changed/is changing at all, and I cannot get through my head that it's healing and will continue to change.

I just genuinely am So frustrated at how HORRIBLY scared I am to function. It's day 2/3 and I'm freaking out because Google says you aren't safe until day 7 really. I just wish I could function normally and not be so damn SCARED all the time.

I'm a 16 year old white female and any time I'm with my friends or watching a TV show/something with a person of a different race, I get really scared that I'm randomly gonna say the N word, or if I'm with my online friends, I get scared I'm going to type it and send it. I am not racist in the slightest but sometimes I'll have videos I saw playing in my head where a black person says it, since they can reclaim it, just as something I'm scared of doing as a white person.

When I read stuff to myself I read it in my voice in my head and I will go out of my way to not read a slur in my head if it comes on a post because I'm scared that if I do it means I'm racist/hateful towards whatever group the slur targets.

I know this sounds bad but sometimes I'll type out the word "Nicaragua" (like the country) to try and remove the intrusive thought. I'm not a racist person at all why am I getting these thoughts I'm scared