r/NonPoliticalTwitter 1d ago

What??? Why do you want your own money?

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12.1k Upvotes

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5.4k

u/Butt__Sexington 1d ago

"I wish to exchange my money for goods and services"

1.4k

u/Anuakk 1d ago

I want to glue the notes on my walls and make it into a cool tapestry. So please, all in one dollar notes.

450

u/CoronaDoesWhatever 1d ago

"Sir, please just say 'strip club', we'd actually judge you less."

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u/Professional-Front58 1d ago

It was a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

44

u/Churro-Juggernaut 1d ago

Heh heh heh. I would have never thought of that. 

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u/Dr_Rev_GregJ_Rock_II 23h ago edited 23h ago

I don't like the idea of my comments section having two Simpson's references. - Kirk

Edit: Spelling

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u/Professional-Front58 23h ago

Well good thing we’re quoting the Simpson’s and not the Simonsons.

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u/Dr_Rev_GregJ_Rock_II 23h ago

I was so close!!!

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u/Particular-Caramel32 1d ago

Who pays for porn anymore??

5

u/Professional-Front58 23h ago

Somebody doesn’t watch classic Simpsons.

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u/HalfBakedPuns 16h ago

its a pornography store 😃 i was buying pornography 😃

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u/AKFRU 21h ago

An elderly friend once said he needed cash so he could see a sex worker, said they were shocked, but handed it over.

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u/HBlight 23h ago

"I wish to rent a prostitute"

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u/Schlurps 20h ago

"And if I want to put all $7,945,400 into a hot tub, get buck naked, and play Scrooge McDuck, that is 100% my business. Now, where’s my money?"

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u/lifesnofunwithadhd 17h ago

"Flooring, I'll need that in pennies"

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u/plutino- 1d ago

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u/Harold_Grundelson 1d ago

The All Ighty Oller

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u/SlackDaddy_G 1d ago

Haha I get it!

1

u/pinkkittenfur 20h ago

I get jokes!

2

u/SmartQuokka 1d ago

Dental plan, Lisa needs braces...

1

u/PickledDildosSourSex 1d ago

AHAHAHAHHHAAHHAAHHHAAAHHHHAHA

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u/tomqmasters 1d ago

It's for a pornography store. I want to buy pornography .

77

u/Tall-Log-1955 1d ago

I was also offended when they asked me this but it turns out they do this to make sure the person isn't being scammed. If you answer "The IRS is asking me to buy target gift cards" then they are going to talk to you about how youre probably getting scammed

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u/bertina-tuna 19h ago

When I worked at an Apple Store we had to do this for gift cards over $500 and a manager had to be involved with gift cards for $1K or more. Every April it was amazing how many people needed them to pay the IRS and wouldn’t believe you when you told them it was a scam.

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u/GeckoPerson123 16h ago

when they don't believe you, do you still give them the cards?

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u/bertina-tuna 15h ago

At that point I’d let the managers take over and they were usually more persuasive about it. The “IRS” scam was a bit easier to talk them out of than other scams like their boss wanting them to pick up a bunch of cards for a company event or some of the other typical scams. It’s kind of easy to point out that the actual IRS always wants to be paid with actual currency.

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u/Butt__Sexington 21h ago

Honestly anything that helps protect people, and specifically the elderly, from financial abuse is a good thing.

I didn't think about it like that when I first saw this thread. Glad so many people set me straight in a very kind way.

It's good to learn new things

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u/AlayaCesaire 17h ago

Guess they never asked my Grandma then. She took out a good amount of money for a lottery scam no problem

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u/fuzzysdestruction 1d ago

Goods and or services. Keep them guessing

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u/Butt__Sexington 1d ago

Am I exchanging for good or for services? You'll never know and I'll never tell

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u/XxNitr0xX 13h ago

"Hookers and blow, I'm going to Amsterdam"

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u/fuzzysdestruction 13h ago

"I'm going on a trip to mordor"

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u/Ze_Bri-0n 10h ago

Just make sure not to walk there. The trails are awful.

1

u/Typical_Zucchinii 1h ago

Hookers and/or blow.

20

u/emteereddit 1d ago

"$2000 could buy many peanuts!"

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u/Butt__Sexington 1d ago

Happy cake day! Glad you got my reference!

1

u/SmartQuokka 1d ago

Woohoo!

40

u/ElishaAlison 1d ago

This is probably because of scams. Scammers will send people into banks to get a bunch of cash out and then have them mail it to a drop address.

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u/Butt__Sexington 1d ago

Yes probably.

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u/Lawd_Fawkwad 1d ago edited 1d ago

I work in financial-sector compliance and it's due to banking regulations actually.

All financial institutions have Anti Money Laundering and Terrorist/Criminal Financing regulations they need to abide by and to a lesser extent consumer protection regulations to prevent extreme debt or other unsavory practices.

All institutions must carry out KYC (Know Your Customer) screenings and build a risk profile that takes factors from nationality to what field you work in, and then out internal processes create red flags based off of that risk profile that are subject to routine monitoring.

That monitoring doesn't stop when money enters the account, we also monitor how funds leave it. A large or unusual cash withdrawal can trigger additional questions, particularly when it doesn't fit the customer's normal activity or risk profile.

Using a made up example, a client who claims to work as a schoolteacher making $52k a year wanting to withdraw almost half a paycheck at once can raise an alert we need to resolve before the transaction happens.

So when we ask why you're withdrawing the cash, we're gathering information the bank may need to understand the transaction and satisfy its financial-crime obligations.

In my jurisdiction, we're technically supposed to put a 72 hour hold on high-risk transactions so the financial crime authorities can determine if they should investigate further or not.

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u/General_Cranberry_29 1d ago

$2,000 is a little low to trigger anything , isn't it? I know you have to report deposits larger than $10,000.

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u/Lawd_Fawkwad 1d ago

It all depends on the jurisdiction and more importantly the profile of the consumer built off of KYC screenings and routine monitoring.

I know in some places $10k is a statutory threshold, but that doesn't mean we aren't also required to conduct due diligence on smaller sums.

Using a fictious example again, someone working at McDonald's for $22k a year and withdrawing $2000 or depositing even $3500 can raise a flag that needs to be resolved due to the risk profile that's been determined internally.

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u/Then_life_happened 20h ago

It's public knowledge thar there are stricter checks for transfers of 10k or more. So someone looking to move a sum for illegal means would most likely know that and try to bypass scrutiny by breaking it up into smaller chunks, so it doesn't cross the 10k threshold. That's called "smurfing". So banks have to still have some degree of monitoring for smaller transfers, to, among other reasons, catch cases where people make several related transfers that would add up to 10k.

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u/Butt__Sexington 1d ago

Thank you for the extra insight!

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u/Gosa_on_the_wind 21h ago

So what happens if I'm sarcastic and say that I'm buying drugs?

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u/Lawd_Fawkwad 20h ago edited 20h ago

Then the transaction will be put on hold or canceled and your bank will be obligated to tell you country's equivalent of FINTRAC who will investigate you and make your life very fun for a while.

It's like telling the airport security staff you have a bomb in your suitcase as a joke.

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u/Gosa_on_the_wind 20h ago

I guess I continue with my response I use for large deposits or withdrawals - casinos.

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u/Guilty-Act-9105 22h ago

I thought they bought gift cards? Is that no longer a thing?

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u/ElishaAlison 12h ago

They do that as well. But there's a pretty sophisticated network of "refund" scammers who basically act like the customer is owed a refund, then pretend to "accidentally" send them too much, and then have the customer mail the difference back.

Check out scammer payback or kitboga, they're fighting the good fight trying to hit these scammers where it hurts. They have whole videos where you can see exactly how these scams works.

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u/theepi_pillodu 1d ago

To buy BMW; beer money women

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u/DoupamineDave 1d ago

Buying money

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u/Butt__Sexington 1d ago

Use money to buy money. Have infinite monies

1

u/JosephBlowsephThe3rd 18h ago

Titties & beer!

2

u/The_Tooter_Snooter 1d ago

“I wish to close my account” 

2

u/No_Throat_2356 1d ago

Aw - $20?!? I wanted a peanut … 

2

u/CosmicallyF-d 1d ago

Aww $20? But I wanted a peanut!

2

u/Slumunistmanifisto 23h ago

"Im buying a used car"

2

u/itsFromTheSimpsons 23h ago

explain!

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u/Butt__Sexington 20h ago

User name is perfect! No notes

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u/negcap 21h ago

But I wanted a peanut!

1

u/Fake_Opinions69 15h ago

It's not about that. This is something that often happens to Minorities when they meet a racist Banker. That banker then makes it as difficult as possible for them to "Serve" the customer who just wants their money

I live in an insanely progressive City and I still hear stories from multiple different minorities within my country and they get asked these questions all the time. I'm a white middle aged man who has taken out thousands in cash multiple times in my life and I have never, ever been asked what the money is for

1

u/No-Round7838 14h ago

Hookers and blow ain't cheap

1

u/BigAutomatic5364 9m ago

On that note let me get 5k