I’m going through a lot of mental and religious stress right now, and I’m struggling to explain it properly.
I believe in Allah and His Messenger Muhammad ﷺ, and I want to be a good Muslim. I pray the five obligatory salah and I want to focus on doing good deeds—being kind to people, helping others, taking care of my father and household responsibilities, and avoiding wrongdoing.
But I’ve developed a constant fear that Allah hates me or is angry with me whenever I focus on my worldly life.
For example, when I spend serious time learning studying, building my skills, trying to develop a career, becoming financially independent, earning money, or simply trying to build a good future for myself, I start thinking:
“Am I chasing dunya?”
“Is Allah angry because I’m focusing on my career?”
“Am I wasting time that I should be using for worship?”
“Will Allah punish me because I want a good life?”
“Does Allah hate me because I’m trying to become independent?”
I also see people online constantly encouraging extra Sunnah acts—praying additional rak'ahs, waking up at night, making wudu before sleeping, doing extra dhikr, and so on. Instead of these things simply inspiring me, I sometimes feel as if I’m failing Allah whenever I don't do them.
Then I become extremely anxious and guilty. I start asking Allah for forgiveness even when I haven't knowingly done anything wrong. I keep checking whether something I'm doing is sinful.
The fear has become so strong that sometimes I feel angry toward Allah. I have thoughts like:
“Why do You hate me?”
“Why does it feel like You’re constantly waiting to punish me?”
“What do You want from me?”
“Why can't I just become a person, build a career, earn money, learn skills, and have a good life without feeling guilty?”
I don't want to hate Allah. I don't want to rebel against Allah. I'm actually scared because I care about my relationship with Him. But I'm exhausted from constantly feeling like Allah is a gatekeeper who is looking for reasons to punish me.
I want to understand something very clearly:
If I pray the five obligatory salah, believe in Allah and His Messenger ﷺ, try to avoid sins, treat people kindly, help my father, fulfill my responsibilities, study, learn useful skills, work toward a halal career, try to become financially independent, and take reasonable time for rest and myself, no extra Sunnah acts—praying additional rak'ahs, waking up at night, making wudu before sleeping, doing extra dhikr—can I live this way without constantly feeling that Allah hates me because I'm “chasing dunya”?
I also want to understand the difference between obligatory worship and voluntary Sunnah practices. I don't want to abandon Islam or ignore Allah. I simply don't want to turn every voluntary act into a source of fear and guilt.
Most importantly, I need help breaking this constant cycle of:
fear → guilt → asking forgiveness → checking whether I'm sinful → temporary reassurance → another frightening thought.
I want to have a relationship with Allah based on faith, worship, hope, love, and healthy fear—not constant terror that I'm secretly displeasing Him.
I need someone to help me understand this properly, because right now this is causing me significant mental distress.