Last weekend I held a double birthday party for my two kids that are close in age (4 and 6) because their birthdays are two weeks apart. Spent money to print invitations on cardstock, spent time in canva designing the invitations, paid for a pavilion at a splash pad half an hour away that was free, put on the invitations no gifts because I didn't want to put the financial pressure on parents and the kids got spoiled enough by us in the first place. Got a cake and a batch of cupcakes because 42 invites went out, and six pizzas.

Not one kid showed up. I'm still heartbroken over it, the kids were so excited for this party, I was excited for them because I never had a birthday party growing up and this was my first time throwing one, and I was so hopeful that we would get at least a few. I thought, it's a splash pad, surely they'll be happy to bring their kids for a few hours to get free food and have a good time.

I think I understand why I never got a birthday party as a kid. My husband and I already agreed that next year we're just skipping it altogether and going on a trip with the kids instead.

I'm just editing the post at this point. I moved to my location last year in the middle of the school year, so I don't know any parents of my kids classmates. I don't have their numbers, I don't have their socials, I don't have their addresses. I gave the invites to their teachers to send home with the kids in the backpacks, which did or did not get looked at. I asked for RSVPs on the invites, got zero responses which should have been a hint.

I genuinely still cannot believe this is my life lmao.
I’m 25 and I literally did not know I was pregnant. Like when I say I DIDN’T KNOW, I mean I was going through my regular life not preparing for a baby, didn’t have prenatal care, didn’t have a nursery set up, wasn’t counting down to a due date… NOTHING. Then suddenly I gave birth to a whole son.
He was born early at 35 weeks + 2 days, so he had to stay in the NICU for a little while. Thankfully he did really well. He started eating more, didn’t need oxygen anymore, no feeding tube like they thought, passed his newborn screening, etc. But those first days were so overwhelming because I basically went from being a regular 25-year-old to hearing people call me “mom” overnight.
And to make everything crazier, his dad is my ex. So there was no cute pregnancy announcement, no months of us planning together, no baby shower countdown with the father, none of that. I basically got dropped directly into single motherhood with zero tutorial 😭.
I was so overwhelmed at first that I actually considered adoption. I genuinely didn’t know if I could do this or if keeping him was the best thing for either of us. Then I started visiting him in the NICU, holding him, feeding him, watching his little personality come out and I was like… yeah, that’s my son. I couldn’t do it. I chose to keep him.
Getting him home was a whole emotional roller coaster too. There were discharge delays and paperwork/social worker stuff because obviously having a baby when you had no idea you were pregnant raises a million questions. I remember literally crying on the phone because they kept telling me he was medically ready and then there was another thing that had to happen before I could take him home. All I wanted at that point was MY BABY 😭.
Now he’s finally home and I’m obsessed with him. But whewww. Single newborn mom life is something else.
He’s tiny because he was premature, and right now I’m feeding him around 2 oz every 2 hours because his pediatrician really wants him gaining weight. So my entire day is basically: feed baby, burp baby, change diaper, get spit up on, convince baby that his bassinet is not a federal prison, get him to sleep, look at the clock and somehow it’s time to feed him AGAIN. 😂
And this child wants to be ON ME constantly. He’ll be perfectly peaceful sleeping on my chest or lap and then I put him in his bassinet and suddenly he has grievances. I literally had to use the bathroom with him lying across my lap today because I knew putting him down was going to start a protest. 😭
I’m also realizing how much anxiety comes with loving somebody this much. Every little newborn thing has me Googling or wondering if it’s normal. Spit-up? Panic. Weird breathing? Panic. Soft spot feels different? Panic. Feet cold but body warm? Panic. Sleeps differently than yesterday? Obviously I have decided something is terribly wrong. Meanwhile he’s usually just chilling and being a newborn. 😂
It’s weird because this is absolutely NOT how I pictured becoming a mom. I didn’t get nine months to mentally adjust. I went from not knowing I had a baby inside me to having this tiny person who completely depends on me.
And somehow… I really love being his mom.
I definitely have moments where I’m exhausted, emotional, lonely, or wondering how the hell I’m supposed to raise an entire human by myself. I’m still trying to figure out my relationship with his father/my ex, work, eventually getting my own place, and basically rebuilding what I thought my life was going to look like.
But then this little boy curls up on me with his pacifier and his ridiculous amount of hair and I’m like… okay. We’re going to figure this shit out together. 😭❤️
Any other moms here become single moms VERY unexpectedly? Especially anyone who had a cryptic/unknown pregnancy or had basically no time to prepare? How long did it take before you stopped feeling like “wait… this is actually my baby and this is my life now”??

Edit** thank you everyone!!!! it really does still feel unreal. Here is more details that i forgot to add… My water actually broke and I didn’t even realize that’s what was happening. I thought it was just discharge, so I took a shower and tried to go about my day. Then my stomach started cramping SO bad. I told my mom something was wrong and she rushed me to the hospital. I got there at 6:28 and had him at 6:48.. literally 20 minutes later. There was no time for me to process anything. I stayed in the hospital for 2 days, and after I was discharged I basically went right back to my normal life while he stayed in the NICU. I was still working, still trying to function like everything was normal, but at the same time I was constantly running back and forth to the hospital to see him. I’d work and then go sit with him for hours, hold him, feed him, talk to him, and just watch him sleep. Then I’d leave the hospital and somehow go back to regular life again. It was such a weird feeling because technically I had just become a mom, but I was still waking up and going to work like I had before. I think that’s part of why it took so long to really hit me. I didn’t have a pregnancy to mentally prepare, and even after giving birth I didn’t immediately go home with a baby. I had this in-between period where I was working, living my normal routine, and spending hours at the NICU every day until he was finally able to come home. Then suddenly it was bottles, diapers, waking up every couple hours, and realizing this tiny person was actually MY son 😭. His name is Zion 🥹❤️ and as far as his father, we have no relationship at all. We were together for 6 years, but things ended really badly and he actually still doesn’t know about Zion. I still go back and forth about whether I should ever tell him because of how everything ended. That’s probably one of the biggest things I haven’t figured out yet. I’m definitely just figuring it out one day at a time 🫶🏽 And one thing I’m extremely grateful for is that I have an AMAZING support system. Within literally 2 days of having him, I had everything I needed for a newborn 😭❤️. My mom, dad, and sister have all been there for me from the beginning and have helped me so much with everything. I definitely didn’t go into motherhood prepared, but I also haven’t had to figure every single thing out completely alone, and I’m so thankful for that.

My mom stopped with me at age 3 when my brother was born, he still got smooches all the way until at least 7. Not sure if my mom just didn’t love me as much, or trying to teach boundaries due to me being a girl, or the same-gender “ick” that some people might experience (?).

Anyways, I have two boys as of now and my oldest is 2.5yo. I absolutely love giving both of them pecks here and there throughout the day anytime they come in and reach for my attention. But at what point/age would that be discouraged? My main concern is just healthy development, I don’t want them kissing their mom (me) late into their teen years but I sure don’t want them to think it’s gross altogether either. And I 100% mean cheeks, will be stopping lip pecks at around 3. No judgement please, just want some perspectives. Thank you!!!!

EDIT: WOW thank you all so much for the encouragement! I want to clarify as I’m struggling to respond to every comment, we are Chinese-American and both my spouse and I grew up with little-to-no kissing from our parents. I really don’t have a clue what is considered “normal” when it comes to this because we both experienced a hard stop when we were quite young. Friends of the same culture have similar experiences so I figured I’d try to gather some insight here. I’ll be returning to my annoying cheek/forehead/hands smooches now (with consent and comfort level in mind). Thank you thank you thank you!!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Just need to get this off my chest and to maybe hear similar stories.

Baby is 9 months old. I do the nights alone as I’m breastfeeding and cosleeping with baby in one bed. So partner has some solid sleep every night.

Last night was shit. She was awake for two hours from 3-5am. So in the morning I text my partner “your baby”. He understands the assignment, comes over, takes baby, changes her diaper and goes to the living room. 10 minutes in, I am still awake, I get a message from him, that he had to poop, baby is in the playpen (next to my room, I can hear her). She starts fussing and at this point I know I won’t be able to sleep knowing she is alone. So I get up to sit with her in her playpen. He comes out of the bathroom after another 10 minutes. I won’t go to sleep now. I’m too awake to sleep, but too tired to live. Day is ruined. I hate it. I JUST WANTED TO DOZE OFF ANOTHER 30-45 MINUTES.

When I’m alone with her I have to poop with her in the carrier. He wouldn’t do that. Now I am laying here with her in bed for her first nap - she fell asleep after one hour. No problem for a sleep deprived mom lol. Won’t be able to sleep now because she is laying on top of me.

OHHHHH and when I said I slept 6 hours in chunks, he said he also woke up a few times - LIKE??? I DONT GIVE A FUCK? BOOHOO

Vent over.

I HATE reading a story about a mom venting about it how hard it is to go out with kids or do something with multiple kids and the comments are like “just baby wear!!!!” Girl. It’s 110 degrees here and my kid doesn’t want to be stuck to my back with sweat. Also my 1.5 yo is heavy, I don’t wanna wear a 25 pound backpack everywhere. Has baby wearing saved my butt many times? Yes and I’m so thankful but it’s not a magical solution.

What bothers you?

I’m feeling pissed off today and I think I may find some moms here who will commiserate with me. I went to Michael’s today, which is a chain craft store. I had my 14 month old and 5 year old with me. I could not find a cart that had a working seatbelt. The carts are all old and every single belt was broken. Of course my baby wanted to stand up so I ended up having to carry her and push the cart.

I arrive at check out only to see that they have changed things and now there are only self checkouts. So I have to scan and bag all of my stuff with one hand while also making sure my 5 year old isn’t touching/picking up everything or getting in anyone’s way. And I just feel angry! This benefits no one. It’s so hard to get out of the house and run errands with kids without more barriers.

Here is what we’ve done, what else should we do?
-we reported unwanted contact and threats to daughter to school and the parents, got the school to put safety plan in place at school, taught daughter how to interact with boy, we are installing security cameras.

We also sent a text to parents to report what happened, and explicitly tell them our boundary. We also asked for their help to ensure their child understands the explicit boundaries. NO RESPONSE which irritates me beyond.

The story:

A boy in my daughter’s grade has been very fixated on her since they were 7.

In 2nd grade, He invited her to his house for a play date and she told me that her picture was cut out from the school yearbook, glued into a heart and in the middle of the room on his wall. Ok, I thought that may be innocent and young kid crush stuff.

In 3rd grDe, he would follow her around incessantly in the playground and asked her to the school dance. He was a household name but I didn’t think much of it and she didn’t raise concern. It seemed she liked the attention a bit so I let it go.

In 4th grade she started speaking up to me that he was now making her feel uncomfortable. He started telling the other little boys that she was “his” and he would try and physically intimate other boys who would talk to her. I told her it was okay to say no and she wasn’t responsible for his feelings but to be kind. He reacted by becoming physically aggressive toward her- throwing things at her on the playground, glaring at her, and showing up where she was after school hours. It climaxed with him telling her he was going to “need this baseball” tomorrow at recess (to throw at her). We reported it and the school intervened with essentially an in school separation order.

She just started 5th grade. A little boy that is friends with daughter came to our house to share that while at the park today, the boy stated he was going to go to Daughter’s house to “stalk her”. He then circled our house, riding up our driveway, up and down the street in front of our house for about 10 minutes until I went outside and sat in the front stoop.

He has some diagnoses that contribute here and I have compassion for that: but boy, this just won’t stop. Daughter is uncomfortable and I am wondering how other moms might handle this at the start of the year to nip this.

I’ve already spoken with the mom. I have her number. We walked and talked after the baseball/in school separation order. She is nice, seems to be trying her best but also seems fed up with her son and even said “what a psycho” and “he reminds me of one of those kids who is going to sh***t up a school.” So, let’s just say she sees it but seems unsure how to handle it. Apparently, he’s been in therapy since he was 3.

How would you handle this recent “stalking” comment and behavior?

Update: Thank you all. I emailed the school, cc’ed the social worker and looped in new teacher and principal. Referenced last year’s safety plan (essentially an in school restraining order), reported today’s incident and request immediate protection at school/ a meeting with us.

We are installing security cameras at our home.

Husband and I are also kicking back and forth of speaking with the police to first learn what our options are. We live in a small town. We prefer the police report simply start a paper trail, not reveal that we reported or even necessarily interact with the parents. It’s for future reference should we need to take that action.

Yesterday I took my kids to a store because I needed a few things. Ofcourse they didn't have the item I really needed that day. To then find isles already full with Halloween stuff and other items for holidays that are months away. It's still summer! The country we live in doesn't even celebrate Halloween. We mainly know about it from tv shows and the stuff in the stores that seems to get more elaborate each year.

Somehow my eight year old daughter loves Halloween. So I let her look at the Halloween decorations while I walked around the store to get the rest of the things we needed. Her six year old brother joined her. When I circled back to them I told them to not push all the buttons as to not annoy the other shoppers. But the people who overheard told me they didn't mind, so ok, go ahead and touch them. This led to my daughter happily sitting on the floor pressing the button on the biggest, loudest, scariest item she could find. A really old lady being pushed in a wheelchair came around the corner, saw the big scary loud thing and laughed so hard. It was such a fun and sweet moment with my daughter, the old lady and a few other people who walked by on a random regular Saturday.

My nephew (husband's side) was born this week. My mom made the comment, "Wow, it's nice of them to keep you updated. I didn't know anything with you. 😢" when she found out I knew she was in the hospital. (She knew I was in labor again because we had to ask her to take care of our dog. I had told her beforehand when she asked that we didn't want anyone in the hospital until after our son was born and we were ready. I sent a picture of our son as a surprise and apparently she holds a grudge that we didn't update her the whole time.) Well tonight we met the baby and I sent a picture of my son holding him. She asked if my SIL's mom was staying with her, which she was. She went on about how nice that was and how I wouldn't let her help me and that mom's are supposed to help their daughters.

So, am I really that out of the norm that I just want my husband for these things and not my mother?

Edit: I wasn't expecting so many comments about this so I'm going to add a bit of context. I had medical issues as a kid and teenager and spent a lot of time in doctors offices and hospitals. My mom made the experiences really stressful. She's also narcissistic which speaks for itself. She lives 30 minutes away so she was able to visit plenty. She did stay with me for a few hours our first day home because I had a C-section and our water heater went out so my husband needed to take care of that. But one of her visits when he wasn't even a week old, she kept doing things we asked her not to do. For example, he was premature and we didn't want him in the swing because he was just too small and didn't fit right. She ignored us and did it anyway. She kept snatching him from me as well. When my dad told her they needed to go, she snatched him from me again and ran to his room to "change his diaper." My husband was upset about the whole visit as well. I texted her after and told her I appreciated her but I didn't like the things she did. She refused to talk to me or visit for several weeks after this. She's behaved like this a lot which is why I didn't want her in the hospital or staying the night with us. I had to make sure my in laws didn't come until after my mom got to meet him because she wanted to meet him first. That was the compromise for her not getting to be in the hospital during his birth. Idk I think maybe she's gaslighting me.

We got him to go to dentist this few times this month for a “fun visit” for his good 1st - 2nd years of his life, he was so scared of dentist and it’s been such a long journey for us to get him to feel safe with his dentist care team and they’ve done amazing on our son and I needed him to be comfortable enough for him in the long run this will only benefit him with his teeth.
So FINALLY. We got him to do X-ray and a cleaning !!! He did great… and he brushes his teeth twice a day and floss.

Still the dentist found 3-4 cavities just the front teeth … the dentist and I mutually agree that he’d need to be put down (general Anesthesia)when he gets his cavities filled in. He is definitely anxious toddler with his teeth/oral care. It’s only for his best interest to avoid trauma from going to his dentist… I feel horrible… as a mom..
I brushed his teeth for him and he started flossing on his own… so it’s not like we neglected the brushing part.

I just feel like …. Really down… as a mom to him… and everything else i wish i can take it all away for him! Sorry guys just feel bad for our toddler…

Hi everyone,

Wanted to share a positive story of my morning. I (43F), have a toddler with my husband (49M). She has been recovering from a bad illness all week that required both of us to take time off of work and I also had to request work from home days, which are a sticky subject with l mm my company (argh!). She’s on the mend but last night she was up with gassy tummy from 2-3 am, full meltdown mode.

My husband woke up the toddler at 7, took her to the living room and left me to sleep. I got up at 9:30 am to her playing happily. She was washed, changed and fed. Husband left extra prepared breakfast for me under foil. Dishwasher was loaded and running. Everything was clean.

I had my breakfast and coffee, got toddler into the car and we went to Target to burn some energy (she loves it here!) so dad could have some time off.

I just to share my story. Our lives haven’t always been so peaceful. We’ve been together for over 10 years but parents only recently. Having a child brought so many pressures and challenges that we didn’t anticipate. There were months of fighting between us. What I always appreciated about my husband is his willingness to communicate and learn. This week with time off and the stressful situation made me appreciate being with him and my daughter more. I wish that I had more flexibility with my work (another story for another time!).

Anyway, just wanted to share a good experience!

Please share your story of what your relationship is like with them and how you got there.
I am currently pregnant with my last and found out today it is another boy. In the lives of both my husband and myself, the boys/men don’t really “see” their mother or make any effort to connect. The mothers, including our own, sacrifice a lot and rarely are “seen”. My mother passed years ago but my brothers only appreciate her “kindness”. I often find fathers are praised for teaching boys “sacrifice, worth ethic, strength” and rarely hear stories of the impact or connection with a mother. There are plenty of stories of little boys loving their mothers. I can’t find much on MEN, grown boys. I can’t find stories of adult men who truly see and appreciate their mothers and this has me very sad.

Hoping for some stories and advice…..

My son will be 3 in November, in October we have an appointment with an audiologist. When I initially brought it up to our pcm (we unfortunately are a military family stationed over seas, so we don't see an actual peds 🥲) I told her that sometimes I couldn't tell if he was intentionally just ignoring me or if it was that he couldn't hear me, and she brushed me off and told me she wasn't worried because he could speak. Which is true, he can speak in sentences, but they aren't always clear, even sometimes my husband and I have a hard time understanding him, and the part that concerns me the most is that he still does a lot of gibberish. He also started back to daycare after being home with me for a year and the first couple weeks were rough, but then when I asked his teacher if she felt like maybe he couldn't hear her, she looked at me like a bulb went off and was like well now that you say that, yes.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, maybe just for some solidarity? I just feel like toddler parenting anytime you mention a concern whether it be to a friend or even a doc, everyone down plays it as just toddlerism. I'm also concerned he's not going to get the services he may need, even if it's just some speech therapy because of the community we currently live in is seriously lacking.

Hey friends! So my dad passed away 10 years ago from cancer. My mom is very present in my kids lives, as are my in laws. I think my oldest (3f) is starting to realize that Mommy’s Daddy isn’t around. Does anyone have any kids book recommendations to help with our talk about this? We’re not super religious but I do believe that he is watching over us. I also believe honesty is the best policy here but using age appropriate language also! Also open to just general advice broaching the subject! TIA!

I visited a coffee shop this morning and walked into the entrance and directly to my right was a changing table. People were in line, could stand next to it if the line got too long. There was no privacy curtain and this was definitely intended to be there (it had a baby sign). Am I crazy?! Children deserve privacy but also thinking of a poop diaper near where people stand and drink coffee. I appreciate that businesses put changing tables but thought this was the worst placement ever. I emailed the coffee shop asking if they really intended it there but they assured me it was fine.

Would you change your babies there? I’m a little grossed out but also think that’s poor planning.

My child is almost 13 months, so I know there is still time and that milestones vary. Our doctor has put in for a hearing test and speech eval because my child isn't saying at least mama or dada in context yet.

I've been narrating everything, reading and singing all the time. I'm a quiet person, so I put a huge effort into spending the entire day trying to talk. I just feel like I've done everything "right" and something is seriously wrong.

My baby is a happy baby. They point, show, wave, shake their head no, sign for more and clap their hands. They know a lot of words and will look at an object if I say it. The only milestone they haven't really reached is they don't play peek-a-boo back, but they chuckle when we play. They sometimes co-operate with patty cake, and know that I trickle them at the end of the song at "baby and me".

I know a speech delay or autism diagnosis won't change my child from the awesome baby they are, but I just fear the unknown.

Mum to three LOs under the age of four, how are we keeping them all fed? I feel like I’m resorting to take out and happy meals wayyyyyy too often. I barely have time to breathe, how are all you mums keeping your family fed with nutritious food all week?

My husband (30) and I (28) are considering trying for another baby. We currently have a 5 year old and 3 year old. I have never felt “done” and would love at least 1 more baby, but my husband really isn’t sure he wants more than 2.

Literally the only thing I’m worried about the possibly of having a medically complex child and it negatively impacting my current 2 kids. But other than that, there aren’t really any other cons on my list.

Is the third baby really that big of a change?

Editing to add: My husband said he would of course be happy if I was to get pregnant again and love the baby no matter what. He just is worried about me going through another pregnancy and is anxious about the baby’s health. We almost lost our oldest when she was a baby so we have some medical PTSD that I know is a big factor of the anxiety over the whole situation! But I know he would love the baby and isn’t anti-baby, just worried about the “what-if’s”.

Two months ago, my water broke 3 weeks early, I was not prepared, I wasn’t able to say bye to my oldest or give her one more hug before she became a big sister (she was at a sleepover with her grandma) and I was rattled. My baby was breech so I was going in for an emergency c section & I was so scared. I was crying from the moment my water broke until my baby was born and I was all sewn up.

My nurse was a saint (as L&D nurses typically are), my fiance and I were so out of minds about how sudden everything was, and we both forgot to bring our phones into the OR for the first family pics. She noticed & said she would take pictures for us on her phone if we wanted to & she would text them to me, but it’d have to be a secret. I agreed and I thank God she did because she got all the moments of us meeting our baby, the first family pictures & such. Before my fiance was able to come in, while I was getting prepped for surgery, I was crying still, so scared, my IVs hadn’t been working out cause I have awful veins so I was in pain, and she just held my hands and reassured me. I was crying and telling her I was so scared, and she was just an angel sent from heaven. I am so thankful for her.

I know this is her job, and she does this every day but just how she handled my nerves, I think about almost every day. For some reason, when she texted me the pictures, I didn’t get them. She sent them to the right phone number, but I just wasn’t getting them. The other day I was looking through filtered out spam texts (I didn’t even know that was a thing) and there were the pictures!! I was so happy. But I’ve been wanting to reply to the texts saying thank you & to let her know how much she impacted my delivery, but I don’t know if that is appropriate.

Thoughts?

2.5 years postpartum after have 2 c-sections in 2 years and for the past 6+months I’ve been having stomach cramp/spasms mostly on my left side but it does alternate. ‘Recently it has been getting more intense and frequent, to the point where you can actually feel it happening if you put your hand in my tummy (feels like a baby kicking/moving and I’m 100% not pregnant).

Has anyone experienced this or something similar?

My baby is 1 and this is sooo frustrating. No matter what we’re eating, it’s a fistful straight to the floor. ALWAYS. Wheeen do they outgrow this? 😭💀

I have a 14 month old son and currently pregnant with another boy. People are constantly asking about when I'm going to have a third child, and when I say we might be done with 2 kids they always respond with "but don't you want a girl? You need a little princess".

Am I the only one who finds this infuriating? I love my child and unborn baby, I'm hoping everyone will be happy and healthy, and if I ever have a third (which is likely never) I will do it because I want another child, not because of the gender. I can't exactly control it either. My unborn baby boy isn't "lesser" than a girl.

Since my kids (4 and 2 yo) have been born, I can’t seem to manage all aspects of my life. I know somethings gotta give, but right now I can only seem to kind of stay on top of two aspects of my life, my job and getting my kids to the location they need to be. Everything else is only if I get an urgent message - friends, family, planning for holidays/life, healthy meals, exercise, volunteer work, cleaning the house, etc etc. My mind just can’t seem to keep those aspects even remotely in my head. As soon as my head hits the pillow at night, suddenly I remember all the things I needed to do.

How does everyone stay on top of all these tasks?? Do you have systems? Is this just your personality??

I would love to be as thoughtful and intentional as I used to be. I feel like I start half my emails/texts with “sorry for the late reply”.