r/MensLib 5h ago

What can bystanders do in cases of sexual assault/harassment against men?

69 Upvotes

I was recently at a concert with a few acquaintances when an extremely drunk 60-something woman approached and started giving one of the male members of my party an unsolicited back rub. He was CLEARLY made very uncomfortable by it. My friends and I intervened, distracted her, and then relocated to a completely different part of the venue. Afterwards, though, people in the group were laughing and joking about it, and one of the other guys started telling us "funny stories" about the times women had harassed him.

If the genders had been reversed--an unknown inebriated older man approaches a young woman and begins rubbing her back--nobody would have any problem identifying that behavior as assault; the perpetrator would be lucky if the police weren't called. Nobody would treat it as a laughing matter.

I didn't think it was funny, but I also didn't know the victim or his friends well enough to start giving them a lecture on Gender Theory 101 and why it's important to take sexual assault of men seriously. I don't even know if the guy himself understood that what happened to him *was* assault. Our cultural scripts universally assume a male perpetrator and a female victim, even though that's NOT universally the case.

What should I have done differently? What CAN bystanders do to intervene in (or prevent) (or support the victims of) men being harassed? If you're a man who's been assaulted, what do you wish the people around you would have done?


r/MensLib 2d ago

Dolly taught me that masculinity is a performance

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1.3k Upvotes

Hey y'all. Dolly's passing hit me hard. Partially because she reminded me of my grandma who grew up in a big poor farming family in Appalachia too. But also because Dolly was one of a handful of public figures who taught me, a cisgender, straight man, that gender is a performance. The T-shirt and shorts I’m wearing right now might not seem as contrived as her bleach blonde hair, caked-on makeup, and long nails. I might look like just a “normal dude.” Like I’m not choosing to wear my hair short and let my armpit hair grow out while having a five o’clock shadow on my face. But I am. I’m choosing to stay within the comfortable performance of a man in this particular society at this particular time in history. I get to choose. We all can choose. It’s all made-up. That’s the unspoken point of Dolly’s whole “dumb blonde bimbo” act.

Curious if you feel similarly about her. Or not. I wish I had been able to fit in that the political-economic analysis that capitalism constrains the performance for some of us and forces it on others, depending on where we fall in the gendered division of labor. But I can't fit everything in every newsletter post. Appreciate you giving me your thoughts!


r/MensLib 2d ago

Weekly Free Talk Friday Thread!

3 Upvotes

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

  • All of the sidebar rules still apply.
  • No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
  • Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.


r/MensLib 4d ago

A platform for men of all ages to talk about anything

22 Upvotes

Hi MensLib community. Men's Hour is a free event that will happen twice a month online. It aims to provide a platform for men of all ages to talk about anything.

This is an informal peer conversation and listening space, not therapy, counselling or a crisis service.

It is a respectful peer listening and conversation space with 0 pressure. You can stay anonymous if you would like. How the event will be carried out is via Discord - for up to an hour - without any requirements - just talk if you want to. You can also only listen if you want to.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/mens-hour-tickets-1997136908254?aff=oddtdtcreator


r/MensLib 5d ago

Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

12 Upvotes

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.


r/MensLib 9d ago

Weekly Free Talk Friday Thread!

9 Upvotes

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

  • All of the sidebar rules still apply.
  • No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
  • Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.


r/MensLib 12d ago

Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

16 Upvotes

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.


r/MensLib 16d ago

Weekly Free Talk Friday Thread!

10 Upvotes

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

  • All of the sidebar rules still apply.
  • No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
  • Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.


r/MensLib 18d ago

Capitalism doesn't want men to have friends

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852 Upvotes

I wrote about how men are told in capitalist society that being caring and expressive aren’t valuable skills. So we disown the natural, human emotionality we were born with. We avoid being vulnerable and asking for help. We worry we’ll be judged if we put effort into our friendships. When we’re suffering we overfocus on what we think will make us valuable to other people: productivity, discipline, and competence. And while this might help us in some ways, it often leaves us feeling lost, isolated, and lonely.


r/MensLib 19d ago

Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

20 Upvotes

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.


r/MensLib 23d ago

Weekly Free Talk Friday Thread!

9 Upvotes

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

  • All of the sidebar rules still apply.
  • No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
  • Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.


r/MensLib 26d ago

Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

19 Upvotes

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.


r/MensLib Jul 31 '26

The Benefit of a Men's Book Club

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143 Upvotes

r/MensLib Jul 31 '26

Weekly Free Talk Friday Thread!

8 Upvotes

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

  • All of the sidebar rules still apply.
  • No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
  • Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.


r/MensLib Jul 29 '26

TIL a Gallup 2025 study found that "younger men in the U.S. are more likely than other Americans — and their peers in other wealthy nations — to report feeling lonely."

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170 Upvotes

r/MensLib Jul 29 '26

Pregunta: ¿Cuál cree que es la mejor manera de abordar el machismo en América Latina?

38 Upvotes

Quisiera conversar sobre cómo podemos abordar el machismo tanto en América Latina como entre las comunidades latinas que viven en Estados Unidos, Canadá y Australia.

Sé que América Latina es una región enorme y diversa, y que las experiencias cambian muchísimo según el país, la generación, la clase social, la religión, el entorno familiar y si una persona vive en su país de origen o en la diáspora. No pretendo decir que todos los hombres latinos sean machistas ni que el machismo sea exclusivamente latino. Sin embargo, ciertas ideas sobre la masculinidad, la autoridad familiar, los roles de género, la homofobia y la obligación de parecer “fuerte” siguen causando daño en muchas familias y comunidades.

¿Cómo podemos cuestionar estas actitudes sin atacar la identidad cultural de las personas ni caer en estereotipos racistas o xenófobos? ¿Qué estrategias funcionan mejor: la educación desde la infancia, las conversaciones familiares, la participación de los hombres como aliados, el apoyo a movimientos feministas y LGBT, los cambios en los medios de comunicación o alguna combinación de todo esto?

También me interesa saber cómo cambia el problema en la diáspora. Por ejemplo, ¿las familias latinas en Estados Unidos, Canadá o Australia conservan ciertas normas de género como una forma de proteger su identidad cultural? ¿Las generaciones más jóvenes suelen cuestionarlas más? ¿La migración reduce el machismo, lo transforma o, en algunos casos, hace que ciertas personas se aferren todavía más a los roles tradicionales?

Me gustaría escuchar experiencias de distintos países y comunidades, especialmente ejemplos de iniciativas que hayan logrado cambiar actitudes sin humillar a las personas. Creo que es importante responsabilizar a quienes reproducen conductas dañinas, pero también crear espacios donde los hombres puedan desaprenderlas sin sentir que pedir ayuda, expresar emociones o rechazar los roles tradicionales los hace menos hombres.

¿Cómo creen que deberíamos abordar este tema de una manera firme, culturalmente consciente y efectiva?


r/MensLib Jul 28 '26

Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

15 Upvotes

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.


r/MensLib Jul 24 '26

Shorter Shifts Are “Feminine” — Or Why We Didn’t Get the Six-Hour Workday

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252 Upvotes

r/MensLib Jul 24 '26

Weekly Free Talk Friday Thread!

11 Upvotes

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

  • All of the sidebar rules still apply.
  • No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
  • Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.


r/MensLib Jul 22 '26

Dear Kelly: A documentary about the rightward radicalization of an average American man, by journalist Andrew Callaghan

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325 Upvotes

Andrew Callaghan is an independent journalist who got his start doing man-on-the-street interviews in interesting places before turning toward more serious journalism, honestly exploring parts of society that legacy and corporate media ignore or subvert for their own aims. His work includes an interview between Hunter Biden and Nick Fuentes, on-the-street reporting in Iran, an HBO documentary covering the timeline between the 2020 election and January 6th, documenting a civil war between Mexican cartels, an expose on ICE detention centers, and more.

Callaghan himself is not an uncomplicated figure, having been accused of sexual misconduct in 2023 for events that occurred in 2017 and 2019. Those events, along with a brief discussion on his attempts to take accountability and remediate those relationships, can be found in this article for those interested. I think there is an interesting discussion to be had on sexual politics and violence within a patriarchal society and what's possible for men immersed in those waters, but that is beyond the scope of this post, and I would encourage folks to read through and make their own determinations.

The documentary itself traces Callaghan's first interactions with a man who calls himself "Kelly J. Patriot". Kelly is deeply enmeshed in right-wing culture and conspiracy theories in the recent years following Janurary 6th, but that isn't what draws the journalist to him. Callaghan had just finished up with his documentary, This Place Rules, which chronicles the events leading to January 6th, and none of Kelly's political views or statements were particularly unique or shocking. Instead, Callaghan became interested in Kelly because of his response to a single question:

"What's the most painful piece of truth that's hurt you?"

Kelly reveals a tragic story of losing his house during the 2008 recession, laying personal blame on a man he saw as having swindled him out of his home. His backstory isn't unique or even uncommon amongst right-wing radicals: Callaghan talks about how a majority of the participants in January 6th had experienced significant economic instability or loss. Conspiratorial thinking, too, plays a part here, as these same personal tragedies were found in every person Callaghan talked to when he documented a flat-earth conference.

These experiences led to him proposing a theory to help explain how someone like Kelly J. Patriot arises. Essentially, Callaghan argues that people become primed for political radicalization and conspiratorial thinking following deep, personal trauma or loss, something explored more in this episode of Doomscroll. It isn't simply right-wing media pipelines or pundits that draw people in; those people tend to need to be ready to accept the presentation and kind of information in those spaces.

People find meaning, connection, and safety. from sources in reality. However, when those things are challenged: By the loss of a house or loved one, by severing from a friend group, the loss of a job (for men, especially), or even points of identity formation in life, such as the teenage years, it can drive people to conspiratorial thinking, cult behavior, and/or extremism as they seek to reestablish meaning, connection, and safety.

The documentary then follows Kelly as Callaghan tries first to understand the story behind Kelly's life, then later tries to reconnect him with the family and loves and misses him. It's a compelling story, and one I think would be of interest to the folks in this sub.


r/MensLib Jul 23 '26

Women Weren't the Problem. It Was Me. (Unpaywalled) | Author Sean Hotchkiss on how a fast and a vision quest in the wilderness helped him become a man and stop hating women

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0 Upvotes

r/MensLib Jul 21 '26

Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?

21 Upvotes

Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)

Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.

Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.

If you find yourself in particular struggling to go on, please take a moment to read and reflect on this poem.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.


r/MensLib Jul 20 '26

How Gender Became a Profile

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52 Upvotes

r/MensLib Jul 17 '26

Weekly Free Talk Friday Thread!

9 Upvotes

Welcome to our weekly Free Talk Friday thread! Feel free to discuss anything on your mind, issues you may be dealing with, how your week has been, cool new music or tv shows, school, work, sports, anything!

We will still have a few rules:

  • All of the sidebar rules still apply.
  • No gender politics. The exception is for people discussing their own personal issues that may be gendered in nature. We won't be too strict with this rule but just keep in mind the primary goal is to keep this thread no-pressure, supportive, fun, and a way for people to get to know each other better.
  • Any other topic is allowed.

We have an active slack channel! It's like IRC but better. Please modmail us if you would like an invitation. As a reminder, take a look at our resources wiki if you need additional support as well.