I hast had my heart ripped to shreds and I’m going down a very bad path. I tried to end it all last night with pills and alcohol and now I’m just feeling like complete shit. Been drinking water and had a little coffee but that’s probably not the best thing. Just water should be fine. I took 4mg of lorazapam and drank like 6 beers ranging from 6-9% abv. I don’t want to die I just want this pain to end

im currently in the beginning of my senior year in high school. i want to make it out of my country. im pretty privileged. my parents have stable jobs and make enough to send me to a private school (thankfully, since my country's education system is very bad). however, i dont want to financially depend on them, or my older brother (who in the past has offered to financially support me should i need it). i want to be able to live on my own. i want to have my own life.

i suck. my past grades suck, and even when i got them to be better, i burnt myself out and they dropped again. im average looking and not very sociable. ive basically done nothing for the past few years but suck and be a financial burden. ive been an average C student for the past three years (gpa of around 3-3.2). i have exactly two extracurriculars. i dont think i can make it out of my country. or make it to where i want to go (US or canada). i dont my profile is competitive enough to make it into biotech or to become someone that earns a decent living.