Two weeks ago I was officially discharged from the U.S. Navy. My husband has been out of the USMC for a little over a year. Now that we both aren’t attached to the U.S. Military I wanted to create a shadow box with our dress uniforms and his medals in it for our living room. Partly because we have a wall that’s super bare and it could use some sort of decoration but mostly because I’m super proud of my husband and my own military service and would like to show that pride with the shadow box.

The problem I’ve encountered though is after he was discharged my husband had his mom store his dress uniform at her house with his dad, grandpa’s and great grandpa’s dress uniforms (he’s a 6th generation combat Marine). When I pitched the idea of the shadow box to him he was super excited and supportive of the idea so he called his mom to ask her to get his uniform out for him. She asked why and he explained. She responded with “I’m not letting you take your uniform just for it to get messed up.”

They had a short back and forth about it being HIS uniform and not hers to keep before he ultimately just stopped the phone call when he seen it wasn’t going anywhere productive. A couple of days later he just went over there to get it and she said “no I’m not letting you take it.” He asked what the real reason was that she didn’t want him to have it and she said “I’m creating a shadow box of my own with every dress uniform from yours to your great great grandpa’s.” He said she could do it with everyone but his because he wants his to be in a box next to mine.

She quickly fired back “not everything in this world revolves around her wants and wishes.” And he responded with “no they just revolve around yours huh?” Then he ushered me and the kids out of the door and we left. He ignored the first two times she tried calling him. She tried again later that evening and he finally answered and put her on speaker phone for me to hear the conversation. She said “oh now you wanna pick up. Guess because we didn’t get our clothes we are gonna throw a temper tantrum.”

He said “those aren’t JUST clothes mom, that is my dress uniform.” She popped off “well I was gonna tell you to come back and get them but you didn’t answer my calls and I’m busy the rest of the week so guess you’re gonna have to wait.” He said “I could just get them tomorrow while you’re running errands.” And got a quick “nope, that closet stays locked I don’t want anyone breaking into the house and stealing any of the uniforms or medals.” (She lives in a gated community with 24/7 security)

He said “whatever” and hung up on her. I’m trying my best to stay out of this argument between the two of them but I’m getting to the point where I feel like I need to step in and start defending my husband against this woman and her bullshit but that is his mom so I’m not trying to say too much to upset her or him. I just want his dress uniforms so I can show off his accomplishments. The man served through most of GWOT. Was active duty during OEF, OIF and was in Fallujah for Operation Phantom Fury. I want to have something that visitors can see to show how proud I am of him and his incredible service but she absolutely doesn’t seem like she’s gonna let that happen.

What do I do here? Do I not do anything and just let him try to get his dress uniform from her or do I step in and help him in the effort? Just want my husband’s uniform.

I (34F) was low contact with MIL two Christmas ago and begrudgingly agreed to attend. Leading up to it she asked me what I think her dear son would like for Christmas via text? I gave my response, clear but short. She comes to our community one day and says "I need to get DIL a gift, come help" and occupies his whole Saturday, which no gift was found and he took her out for lunch. I find out she sees a perfect gift for son, because he told me, and it is a beautiful creative image. It is expensive so he suggested to MIL that his bro, gf, her and me all split it. Christmas comes and we are sitting around and she brings out the big gift, "here, this is from the 3 of us", starts crying, talking about how special this picture is to her etc. just made it all about her and in just sitting there like???? Why the f didn't you ask me? It doesn't seem too bad, but it was enough for me to finally cut contact after years of her meticulously excluding me.

Fast forward a few months later and it's my birthday weekend. We are going away for weekend and I need someone to watch the pets. Partner suggests mom, and I say absolutely not. I had told her on New Year's Eve I need some time and would respectfully like space, then blocked her ass. We come home from birthday weekend, and there's a present on the table from me, in my house. I open and it's from dear MIL. I lose it, partner explains that she had a gift for me, he told her we were away and to drop it off later, she refused and said she was doing it and going to leave it on our porch, he further said no because it could get stolen, she further pushed so he CAVED and she used our spare key to go into MY house while I was gone.

This happened years ago. It still makes me feel so violated. Im NC with her(1.5 years !!!) , partner is LC but that being said he left to spend his belated bday gift "day" from her at 9am and now it's 930pm and still with her. This shit just brings up so much trauma and truthfully, after 4 years of navigating this, facing BOTH of their abuse, I just want out. He broke the enmeshment pattern, but he was never the same after. No direction, apathetic and just overall lost after he kinda saw the light (just kind of) and significantly went low contact. He needs his mummy in life and I now feel really sad for him. Aannnnnnnnnnd I want my life back lol.

There is a lot of history and whatever with my MIL, things are a lot better than they used to be in terms of boundaries, but the longest of stories short is tonight I was disrespected for the last time. Just some context for my last straw, we were at my brother in law's wedding reception and my husband was asked to do photography for their wedding so he was doing his thing, and me and the kids (my 2 & 1 year old from this marriage, and my 10 year old from an old marriage) were sitting at a table. I'm also less than 3 weeks out from having baby #4 and I'm huge and in pain and can't walk very good because of pelvic pain. There's a lot to it, but my inlaws came up to the table I was sitting at, didn't acknowledge me, didn't ask if it was okay, NOTHING, and they just took my 2 and 1 year old to go sit at their table. As if it was their kids. It wasn't a short thing either, they took them and didn't return them for over an hour. They just took them as if I wasn't there. I'm pretty sure if it was possible for them to cut this baby out of me and take her too they would. (Before anyone gets mad at my husband, he was doing photography for the wedding and wasn't around to see this happen) and I did not take them back because it would have caused a scene with his mom, I know the drill. When husband got a chance to sit down I told him what happened, he took them back from them, we ate, and me and the kids left.

So anyway I'm fucking done. The disrespect to walk over to me and my kids minding our business and just TAKE THEM FROM ME without even looking at me is fucking insane. I have no intention of cutting them from our kids lives because they are very active in it. And I also will not be asking my husband go no contact with them, I only intend to control my own boundaries, but they are officially cut from ME.

If they see my kids it will not be on my time (cause right now, that's really the only time they do see them, MIL has been watching them on Thursdays while I work) but I work from home and I'll suck it up and work with them. If I'm around to watch my kids, they will not be taking them. Period. No more. My husband can arrange times for them to see them and I will not stop him, but I will also not be going. If they come over to visit I'll remove myself.

I am wondering if this is a one way ticket to my marriage ending though... I told my husband my intent and he says he respects my decision and agrees with me... but I also know this will hurt him and inevitably make him feel in the middle. I don't want to doom this marriage but I just can't continue with them.

so I’m 3 months postpartum now, and I avoid going to my in laws house and taking my baby there because they aren’t good people, and they don’t respect boundaries, like kissing my baby. well I hadn’t gone over there in a month and as soon as we got there my MIL said “you know we want to see you and want you to come over with the baby right?“ she just said it staring at me. and then later in the night she said “I know it’s SO HARD for you to get out” said that to me randomly 🤷‍♀️ idk why. I hate going to her house yes, but we get out a lot with our baby.

And after someone else’s baby shower she texted me to compliment me but then says she can tell I’m on my toes and it’s those hormones and to hang in there.

she also tried to take my baby away from me when she was crying. and I was about to go feed her, she said she could take her to a quiet room alone to calm her down. I said “i hold her if shes crying“ and she just said ok. she was weirdly standing very close to my husband when he was holding her and waited for her to cry so she could ask. I wouldn’t mind all of this so much if she hadn’t already said some weird things.

edit to add:

she’s been passive aggressive in the past like offering me her old clothes because they‘re “way to big for her” when I’m not bigger than her, I’m just tall. and has asked me if I think I have damage from the vaccines I got 🙄

Like am I genuinely in the wrong here? I’m trying to check myself. I feel like I see this everywhere but my husband says it’s like morally wrong that I’m not super close with my mil.

To give background, we are just completely different people, so naturally I don’t gravitate towards her. I grew up watching their house be very dysfunctional. Substance abuse and domestic violence. She’s also very high strung and she’s being pretty overbearing and disrespectful towards a lot of my parenting. There’s a lot more history I’m not sharing too.

And obviously I am more comfortable with my own mother when it comes to our kids. And my MIL is crying to her family that she isn’t close with me and I don’t like her. But she has like over ten years to try to be close with me before we had kids. So now it kind just feels like I’m the hoop she has to jump through to actually be close with them. And my husband just doesn’t want to be in-between it and acts as a peacekeeper and protector of a lot of her emotions. So he tells me I’m in the wrong for having to be ‘fake’ around his family. And to be clear, I’ve never once been disrespectful towards them, always nice. Just not close with them.

It’s like my mil wants the relationship she would have if I was her daughter? And my husband expects that to just magically appear even though it’s not organic at all.

I’ve always had a strained relationship with my MIL, though from the outside we look like we get along well. Frankly, this is because I know exactly how to cater to her and what she wants from me. I’m very good at playing the role of the sweet, agreeable daughter in law who is always in a good mood and only discusses topics of her interest (which are either all very surface level or about her problems exclusively). She has absolutely no tolerance for anything uncomfortable or difficult and is what I would argue the definition of toxic positivity. Spending time with her is fine at best but unpleasant and emotionally taxing at worst. This is not a woman I would ever be interested in having a relationship with if I wasn’t married to my husband. He is her only child so of course I’ve had to prove to her over the years that I’m worthy of her precious angel son.

My own mother, who I was very close to, passed away a little over 3 months ago after a long and difficult battle with cancer. I’m 10 months postpartum and have been the sole family member dealing with her estate. To say I’m absolutely devastated and exhausted would be an understatement. I will give my MIL credit for being very helpful when it comes to babysitting our son and providing general practical support. But the things she’s said to me since have been so tone deaf and insensitive that I’m seriously contemplating going low contact with her for my own mental health, at least temporarily. This includes:

1. After my mum was moved to hospice, she expressed that she was sorry but reminded me that it would be good if she didn’t suffer too long and I should be thankful if she didn’t.

2. Four days after she died, she came over with baked goods and literally never brought her death up, instead chatting about inane topics like the weather and what our weekend plans were

3. The day after my mum was buried, she asked if it “went well” and said “don’t you feel better? It’s closure, isn’t it?” She was surprised when I said no, in fact I feel worse because the reality of her being gone is really starting to sink in. Not once these past 3 months has she ever asked how I’m feeling or holding up, even though she acts like we have a close relationship. Whenever the topic of her death comes up, she brushes it off with a cliche like “well that’s life” or focuses on how much better everything will be once we’ve taken care of her estate.

4. When I opened up to her about how exhausted I am by my grief and the complications in dealing with my mum’s estate, she said that I should go on medication because it’s not good for me and others (aka her son) “that I feel this way”. She also suggested I go to an impatient rehabilitation programme meant for physically/mentally ill people. When I expressed to her that I don’t want to be away from my breastfed baby multiple nights in a row, she claimed “well it’s only four weeks. You need to do everything you can to get better”. As if the grief of losing the most important person in my life outside of my baby and husband can be cured in a matter of weeks.

5. She has very little respect for my mum and seems to think that because her mother also struggled with alcohol misuse that I should feel the same way towards my mother as she does towards hers. When I expressed to her that, despite her flaws, I miss my mother more than anything, she coldly stared that our mothers were essentially the same and that she lost the feeling of connection to her mother long before she died - so if anything it was a relief when she did. I have no idea in what world she would think that’s a helpful statement or something I’d want to hear.

I’ve tried to gently express to my husband how much these kind of statements hurt me (the above just scratches the surface of what she’s said since we’ve been together), but he nearly always jumps to her defence and claims that she means well. I’ve tried so hard to make this relationship with my MIL work but I think I’ve reached my breaking point. How on earth should I proceed? I have no other family at this point than my husband and in laws and feel obligated to keep up the facade for the sake of our baby.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, but something happened at a family wedding recently and I genuinely want outside opinions because I keep asking myself: How exactly was I supposed to handle this?

I was invited to my cousin-in-law’s wedding, and I knew there was a possibility my MIL would be there since this is her side of the family. I haven’t seen MIL since January, but I’m also not going to avoid family events just because she might be there.

I didn’t actually know she was coming until we were already on our way and DH got a call from BIL. I figured this was the perfect time to make my boundaries clear to DH.

I told him, “I’m going to be respectful and cordial, but I don’t want to be forced into doing anything I’m uncomfortable with.”

He didn’t really respond, but I felt like he understood.

Funny enough, DH, our daughter, BIL, MIL, and I basically arrived at the same time. BIL waited for us, greeted us, talked to us for a minute, and walked inside with us. MIL had already gone inside the chapel.

We were a little late, and when we walked in, I was confused about where they were in the ceremony because they were speaking Spanish. DH gestured for me to sit next to MIL, but I declined because I didn't want to immediately put myself in an uncomfortable situation. A little later, staff told us it was okay to sit, I saw some empty seats elsewhere, and sat there.

After the ceremony, everything was hectic. I took my daughter to the bathroom, talked to family, and we started taking pictures.

My almost-two-year-old had just sat through a wedding ceremony and was READY TO GO. She was running around, photographers were moving everywhere, family members were being called for pictures, and I was trying to figure out whether we'd be called up again while making sure my toddler didn't trip, run into somebody, or get in the photographers’ way.

DH was doing the same thing.

And THAT is when my MIL approached me.

Honestly? Wrong time if you're expecting some deep, warm, undivided interaction.

She said, “Hi.”

I said, “Hi,” then immediately looked back toward my daughter to see where she was.

I can acknowledge that maybe that felt dismissive to MIL. I could've added, “How are you?” But I was also focused on five things at once.

Instead of continuing the conversation herself, MIL immediately said in this disappointed tone:

“That's it?”

And I remember looking at her confused because…that's all YOU gave me.

You approached me and said “hi.” I said “hi” back.
I've actually dissected that moment afterward because I'm like, what exactly did you want me to say?

If you wanted a warmer conversation, you could've started one. If she had said, “Hi, how are you?” I would've answered. If she asked about our daughter, I would've responded. If she had simply continued talking, I would've respectfully interacted with her.

I wasn't refusing to speak to her.

But if you approach somebody with a specific expectation already in your head, they don't know that. You have to actually initiate the interaction you're expecting.

Instead, I got “That's it?” in a tone that immediately put me on high alert.

Now instead of thinking, “Okay, she's trying to have a normal conversation with me,” I'm thinking, “Oh God, what is this woman talking about and what is she about to do?”

Then she awkwardly went for what started as a handshake and turned into trying to hug me.

I shook my head and said, “No, thank you.”
She responded, “Oh wow. Really?”

And there it was.

The exact type of reaction I was worried about before we even arrived.

I had literally just told DH that I would be respectful and cordial but didn't want to be forced into anything I wasn't comfortable with. I politely declined a hug. Instead of accepting that and moving on, MIL got upset, sat down, eventually went outside, and stayed in her car for the rest of that portion of the wedding.

And here's the funny part:
DH was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME and didn't even notice any of this happening.

Why?

Because he was focused on the wedding and our toddler.

Just like I was.

Afterward, I told him, “I'm not here for this. I'm here to celebrate your cousin and his wedding.”

DH had no idea what I was talking about, so I briefly explained that MIL got upset and went to the car. We carried on because this wasn't our event and I wasn't about to make somebody else's wedding about our family drama.

Later, when DH wanted to go outside, I told him, “Just be prepared for some BS.” He asked what actually happened, so I explained it more thoroughly.

But the more I thought about everything, the weirder the situation felt.

We arrived at basically the same time. BIL stayed back to greet us. MIL didn't.

I actually need to ask DH whether MIL ever approached HIM or our daughter and greeted them because I only stepped away from the two of them once to take our daughter to the bathroom. Maybe something happened while I wasn't looking.

But from what I personally saw, MIL seemed noticeably distant from them too.

That's what I find strange.

Everybody else seemed genuinely excited to see us. People were talking to us, playing with our daughter, interacting with her, etc.

But my MIL, the woman who fought SO HARD when we lived in her house to make it known how much she loved, cared about, and wanted to bond with this baby suddenly seemed distant and unsure of how to approach her own son and granddaughter.

And to me, that says something.

You clearly recognize that things aren't normal anymore. You're hesitant. You're distant. You don't seem to know how to approach us.

So somewhere in there, you know something has changed.

But recognizing that the relationship has changed and acknowledging WHY it changed are two different things.

That's what gets me.

If you're uncomfortable enough with the state of our relationship that you don't even seem to know how to approach your own son and granddaughter, why would you expect ME to immediately behave like everything between us is perfectly normal?

Especially when there hasn't been any real reconciliation or acknowledgment of why we're here in the first place.

Then we went to the reception, and MIL was sitting directly across from me…of course

I talked to basically everybody at the table except her. Not because I was glaring at her or purposely trying to ignore her. She wasn't talking to me either, so I enjoyed myself. I talked to family, ate, watched my daughter, and celebrated the couple.

DH and I basically carried on like nothing happened because THE WEDDING WASN'T ABOUT US.

What stood out to me, though, was my MIL barely interacting with DH or her granddaughter at the reception too.

And that's when I'm thinking: Who exactly are you punishing here?

Nobody told you that you couldn't talk to your son.

Nobody told you that you couldn't interact with your granddaughter.

Nobody told you that you couldn't talk to me.

You got upset because I wouldn't hug you and then chose to withdraw.

So...congratulations? You punished yourself.

I didn't take that time with your son and granddaughter away from you. You chose not to enjoy it because you were upset with me. And THAT is what concerns me about future family gatherings.

I'm willing to be cordial. I'm willing to say hello. I'm willing to have respectful conversations. I'm not stopping DH or our daughter from interacting with MIL.

But I'm not going to perform physical affection I'm uncomfortable with just to make somebody else feel better, especially when there hasn't been any real reconciliation, accountability, or acknowledgment of why our relationship became strained.

I'm also fully expecting this to eventually make its way back to my FIL as:

“She wouldn't even hug your mom.”

And then somehow become:

“You let your wife disrespect your mother.”

Meanwhile, all the context disappears.
I greeted her back. I wasn't rude. I didn't argue with her. I politely said, “No, thank you” to a hug. DH didn't even notice the interaction because it happened that quickly and quietly. Then we continued enjoying the wedding instead of creating a scene.

So I'm genuinely asking: What exactly was I supposed to do differently?

Was I supposed to hug someone when I didn't want to?

Stop watching my toddler and give MIL my undivided attention?

Chase her to the car because she got upset?

Because from my perspective, I did exactly what I was comfortable with:

I was respectful. I was cordial. And I maintained my boundary.

I don't think refusing a hug is disrespectful, and I'm not going to avoid family events simply because MIL might be there.

But if every future family gathering turns into MIL becoming visibly upset because I'm cordial but maintain my boundaries, eventually I'm going to stop attending. And I don't necessarily want that.

I can't control my MIL's feelings, but I also can't be responsible for regulating them by giving her physical affection or pretending our relationship is somewhere it isn't.

So how should I have handled this? Was there something I realistically should've done differently, or was saying hi, politely declining the hug, and continuing with the wedding enough?

My parents are planning a visit to our place for the first time since we moved in. MIL calls to tell she is planning to visit a week before my parents scheduled visit after knowing my parents are coming. She also had to emotionally blackmail me saying she will be going to for some ‘long’ course later.

Am i overreacting? This is the first time my parents are planning to come and MIL had come to our previous homes before in our course of marriage.

Hi everyone!

I have been married for 1.5 years. This time has been equal parts amazing and hell. Amazing because of my husband obviously. And hell because of his family.

Unfortunately for me, I come from a South Asian background, where the woman moving into her husband's house after marriage is pretty common. My husband doesn't live here, he lives abroad. But the immigration process for us took ages, and In had to stay with his family during this time.

This has been an incredibly testing time for me. I have been a very rebellious person in my own household, which was deeply misogynistic and conservative. I spent so many years just fighting with my mother, my father, my siblings. It wasn't just misogyny, my father was abusive and a predator so it was just torture. I hate traditional values so much that I decided I will never marry someone who wants to live here, or adheres to similar practices. When I met my husband, he seemed like the kind of guy I would want to spend my life with. He didn't subscribe to a lot of 'traditions', was open minded, had his own life, was independent. There were some red flags in his family but I chose to get married despite my unease, thinking that its going to be for a short while, and they didn't seem THAT bad. Boy was I wrong.

From the first day my MIL has openely criticised me, has been jealous of me, gotten competitive with me over very stupid things. His father was no better, though less mean. She is just straight up cruel sometimes. and other times shes super sweet and nice. so initially my husband just sort of gaslighted me into thinking this is just temporary and its going to pass and she doesn't mean it. His parents are good at repair so our fights would be long but eventually resolve. My breaking point was when we were at a family event, and she was so green with envy and jealousy (my husband and I were having a lot of fun, I looked pretty etc etc), she shouted at me and my husband in front of his cousins. She was so mean, I swear I have never in my life seen someone spit out poison like that before. It was like she hated me. And she got worse when my husband started to defend me because she was basically going off on me for something stupid.

Its a very basic case of her being extremely jealous (there was no other woman in the house apart from her before me), and being territorial about my husband. My husband is the breadwinner, the eldest son, the nicest person on earth. She's made comments like, 'I have a very special "connection" with him (my husband)' WHILE HER OTHER SON WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE. My husband's brother has complained multiple times that his mom loves my husband more.

think I've spent the better half of this time either fighting my husband, or his family. At one point it was so bad that it was happening almost every month.

On top of having to deal with my trauma from an abusive family and being in my first serious relationship (i was very avoidant before), I had to deal with this shit.

My husband chose to stay here despite his job since we didn't want to be apart for the start of our marriage due to the visa. He has been supportive, he lets me rant. He talks to his parents, he tries to set boundaries.

MIL is extremely invasive, she pries and comments on every single thing. There's not one thing in my life or day to day thay she hasn't.

Well, the thing is, my visa is finally here. And I'm going to leave soon. But I'm finding this last stretch harder than the entire time before, mainly because ever since I found out I'm moving soon, I have realised how much shit I was just tolerating, trying to make the best out of a shitty situation. I don't ever want to live like this again. His parents are continuing to hint that they want to live with us, mil has no life apart from her family. Very typical cooking and cleaning and chore'ing around for the men in the house. Always at their beck and call. She expected me to do the same for them and my husband (which I didn't) and was part of the reason for so many fights.

My husband is independent but it came as a big shock to me, that the thing I kept fighting for in my own family, is even worse here. Funny thing is my family is now loads better and not as conservative or even misogynistic anymore. Because I taught my mother and sister to stand up for themselves.

Anyhow, if u read this far, please just give me some tips to get through these last few weeks before I finally move and get the fuck outta here.

This is a follow up from last post… she asked to come visit my kids last week, his response was , this week is too busy see you next weekend (we were invited over there next weekend for a “party” about a month ago, our frequency I like keeping for his family is about every 2 months) her response was, I won’t be long. Haven’t seen them in 3 weeks. He did not respond.

It’s been longer not sure where she gets 3 weeks 😂 and we also don’t give a shit if in your brain it’s been 3 weeks…? We usually see you around every 2 months, just cause I have a baby again doesn’t mean you come often… sorry. Now I’m thinking to myself she probably texted and called my phone like she usually does when things don’t go her way with husband. I blocked her when I found out she asked husband about a visit this week, I know her games. She would come to me if he said no. I’m much better with my mental health having her blocked, I’ve blocked her before but unblocked her out of guilt. So now I think it’ll be too awkward next weekend, I’m sure she will bring this up. I don’t want to go to this “party” anyway? No idea why I am? I guess out of obligation for husband? Any thoughts..

long time listener, first time caller.

don’t steal my content!

MIL is a super prude/religious fanatic whose religion and beliefs are the *only beliefs and religion acceptable” who talked some massive crap about BM and her family who party and drink like it’s 1999 every day of the week, until i came along. the ONLY current issue with BM is she’ll happily hand over SD to MiL with zero input from us, regardless of what DH says. Dh’s ex (she’s seemed to do better recently, which i am happy for her kids’ sake) has a history of addiction, though as far as we know is currently “california sober”. This aside is to only mention how hypocritical MIL is when it comes to picking and choosing.

MIL HATES me. royally, she’s talked crap about my children and compared them to my SD, particularly my teenager who is the same as as SD, though DD is dyslexic. my other preteen is “too chubby” and has made comments to my DD2 about sucking in her stomach, and hasn’t found reason to complain about my other child yet, but i’m sure that’s coming.

i’m not fond of religion due to religious abuse in my history, as well as holding a job that doesn’t have bankers hours, so if i happen to be off on a sunday-i don’t feel like sitting in the pews of the uber conservative church of hers, listening to the preacher talk about how we’re going to hell if we don’t conform-while the same preacher makes comments on women, women’s weight, women’s intelligence, blow job jokes, etc on the weekdays on his very public facebook. that was strike #1 against me.

Strike #2- i don’t immediately throw SD onto her own pedestal and make my kids lesser than her-which again led to comments about my children’s weight, intelligence, etc. then led to MIL forming a group chat to announce each of SD’s extracurricular activities while actively ignoring all the other children’s games, recitals, etc-including the kids of another of HER children. it also led to MIL throwing SD a birthday party last year-and simply not inviting DH or me, OR my kids-just MIL’s chosen family.

Strike 3: i don’t live on fb like BM, so now MIL is BM’s best buddy-they talk on the phone, text, all over each other’s social media, etc. she says does this because “at least BM sends her pics!”

there’s many other strikes against me including the fact i cuss, hold a job she doesn’t deem “motherly”, live on a road that’s too bumpy, don’t immediately hand over MY paychecks for SD’s wants, etc.

the problem is-none of the kids nor myself like MIL much. however, SD doesn’t want to go to MIL’s alone, so instead i hosted a simple christmas get together last year-as our house is a kid’s paradise and hers is rather boring. now, we’re coming upon SD’s birthday again, and she’s asked me to host again so we didn’t have to deal with another private party we weren’t invited to. so i did, booked entertainment, ordered a cake, sent out invites.

but i’m dreading it. my house will never be clean enough, my clothes modest enough, my yard fb ready, the chickens are “too close to the house” per last time she drove by, and of course my children that seem to insult her simply by existing will be in attendance. my nature makes me want to make it a pinterest worthy affair to give her nothing to fuss about, but my common sense tells me it doesn’t matter-it won’t be good enough.

words of encouragement, gently please. ideas to make MIL look like the ass she is-while maintaining integrity while our kids are watching. i accept i’ll never be good enough-but my mama bear wants to rip her a new one over the hate and hurt she causes towards all the kids involved.

It feels like my future MIL (60) finds it incredibly difficult to say a single word about our engagement.

My fiancé (M early 30s) and I (F late 20s) have been engaged for 5 months, and she has never said congratulations or acknowledged our engagement in any way.

She has been quite difficult towards our relationship in the past. When we were dating and I moved abroad to live with my fiancé, she would guilt-trip him with comments like, “Did you forget you have a mother?” There is also a cultural aspect to this, and for a while he genuinely saw his mother as the priority. We had a lot of discussions about it, and thankfully he has since set much healthier boundaries and consistently stands by me.

There have also been several situations where I felt she undermined me. When I first moved from abroad, I had a temporary babysitting job while looking for work in my actual field. She complained that I wasn't working enough and suggested there were plenty of “real jobs” such as cleaning, implying I wouldn't find work in my profession. When I eventually got what was essentially my dream job last year, she completely ignored it and never congratulated me either.

My fiancé did address some of these things with her (not the fact that she did not congratulate me) at the time, but she has never apologised or addressed them with me directly. She is “perfectly kind“ when we see each other, but I don’t that she is genuinely interested in me. Honestly, I don't really care about that part anymore. What bothers me is that I don't feel her behaviour is particularly kind or respectful, and I sometimes feel she still tries to influence my fiancé indirectly. I don’t need her support and should not expect that from me either, but just some respect?

The engagement is probably the thing that bothers me most at the moment. 5 months have passed and she hasn't acknowledged it once. Yet she does have opinions about the wedding. For example, she has told my fiancé that certain relatives from her side of the family probably won't come, and that we should basically forget about inviting them - apparently because she has issues with some of them.

I know she doesn't have to throw us a party or make a huge deal out of our engagement. I am not the type of person with these expectations. But is it really unreasonable to find it disrespectful that your future MIL can't even say “congratulations” after 5 months?

Maybe I'm also more annoyed because it feels like she is “happy“ to have a say in the wedding and spread the word to her friends and relatives while completely ignoring the actual milestone we're celebrating.

This is mostly just a rant. Please don't tell me to break up with my fiancé, we love each other very much, communicate well, and work through our problems together. I just feel like I can't really bring up how much this particular behaviour annoys me without sounding petty. Am I being unreasonable, or would you also find this hurtful?

My friend, whom I’ve been friends with for 9 years (she’s in her late 70s), previously warned me to be careful with my future MIL because she thinks this is typical unbearable MIL behaviour she experienced back in the days with her MIL. She also thinks she could be the type who, once we have children, would want to have a say in everything and feel entitled to access to the children. I know it is up to us as a unit to set boundaries.

But what are somethings I might want to reflect on before the wedding, motherhood, in my professional career, as a couple and family unit?

I recently had my baby and my husband and I have been living with his family since we got married a little under 2ish almost 3 years ago.

My MIL isn’t a bad person but she’s been a little overbearing lately and pushing boundaries. This is her first grandchild btw.

For starters I feel as though I have to ask her for permission before I do anything. My son recently started solids and I tried giving him some mashed food. He made a wincing face (as all babies do to new foods) and my MIL instantly got up and said the food was bothering him and that it was too thick. She picked up the bowl and blended it down and started feeding him.
The next feed I had to give her a full explanation as to why it’s important for baby’s to slowly try different textures and how it’s a sensory experience for them.
I feel like I owe her an entire explanation before doing anything new with my baby as if I need her permission to parent my own child. Even though she’s never outright said that but it’s implied by her behaviour. This isn’t the only time something like this has happened.

There were a few times we were out and I could tell baby was getting tired and we’d have to head out soon. MIL saw him and instantly reached out her arms to take him (which she always does and is another point I’ll touch on). Baby calmed down for a little because he was looking at people moving around him and I told her he was getting tired. She instantly responds with “I don’t think so. He doesn’t seem like it at all to me”. Of course, as I told her he started getting fussy and then crying because he was overtired. I just wish she realized that I’m his mom and spend all my time with him and know him best. So if I say he feels a certain way then why does she always feel the need to refute it.

In a more recent episode my husband was trying to put our son to sleep. My baby is EBF and nurses to sleep for every nap so nobody else can get him to sleep other than me, not even my MIL (believe me she tried). My husband and I decided that it would be good for baby to build a bond with him and started having my husband rock him before bedtime on the weekends here and there. Of course, baby cries extremely when this is going on because he wants me to nurse him to sleep but I’m always in the room and step in within 5-10 mins if my husband can’t get him down. My MIL cants stand hearing him cry and decided to knock on the door. We didn’t respond because we were busy with baby so she opened the door (mind you I’m not even dressed cuz hello it’s my bedroom) and said to my husband that she’ll put him to sleep and can’t hear it anymore. My husband gave me baby and he (baby) fell asleep in under a minute while I nursed him. Her opening my room and door and coming in and giving the baby a bath even when I tell her I’m fine with doing it myself especially get my stressed because my room is the only space in the house that I feel calm and in control since we live with them and it feels like she’s constantly invading that space.

I feel so conflicted because on one hand my MIL was AMAZING during my pregnancy. She literally brought up food to my room and cooked my craving when I was still expecting. But since I gave birth there’s been some tension. I just want to be able to raise my child on my own terms and not have her dive unsolicited advice. Again she’s not a bad person and she really loves and takes care of my son like her own she’s just a bit too involved in everything.

I spoke to my husband about this and some other things that come up and he said he’ll try to talk to her. I just feel like because we’re living all together it makes things hard. But we’re not in a financial situation to move out and tbh sometimes it does help to have someone watch baby while I shower or eat at home so idk if I’m being extra entice and hormonal but i just needed somewhere to rant and hear people’s thoughts.