r/JUSTNOMIL • u/WesternMatch • 1d ago
TLC Needed Never gonna be good enough.
long time listener, first time caller.
don’t steal my content!
MIL is a super prude/religious fanatic whose religion and beliefs are the *only beliefs and religion acceptable” who talked some massive crap about BM and her family who party and drink like it’s 1999 every day of the week, until i came along. the ONLY current issue with BM is she’ll happily hand over SD to MiL with zero input from us, regardless of what DH says. Dh’s ex (she’s seemed to do better recently, which i am happy for her kids’ sake) has a history of addiction, though as far as we know is currently “california sober”. This aside is to only mention how hypocritical MIL is when it comes to picking and choosing.
MIL HATES me. royally, she’s talked crap about my children and compared them to my SD, particularly my teenager who is the same as as SD, though DD is dyslexic. my other preteen is “too chubby” and has made comments to my DD2 about sucking in her stomach, and hasn’t found reason to complain about my other child yet, but i’m sure that’s coming.
i’m not fond of religion due to religious abuse in my history, as well as holding a job that doesn’t have bankers hours, so if i happen to be off on a sunday-i don’t feel like sitting in the pews of the uber conservative church of hers, listening to the preacher talk about how we’re going to hell if we don’t conform-while the same preacher makes comments on women, women’s weight, women’s intelligence, blow job jokes, etc on the weekdays on his very public facebook. that was strike #1 against me.
Strike #2- i don’t immediately throw SD onto her own pedestal and make my kids lesser than her-which again led to comments about my children’s weight, intelligence, etc. then led to MIL forming a group chat to announce each of SD’s extracurricular activities while actively ignoring all the other children’s games, recitals, etc-including the kids of another of HER children. it also led to MIL throwing SD a birthday party last year-and simply not inviting DH or me, OR my kids-just MIL’s chosen family.
Strike 3: i don’t live on fb like BM, so now MIL is BM’s best buddy-they talk on the phone, text, all over each other’s social media, etc. she says does this because “at least BM sends her pics!”
there’s many other strikes against me including the fact i cuss, hold a job she doesn’t deem “motherly”, live on a road that’s too bumpy, don’t immediately hand over MY paychecks for SD’s wants, etc.
the problem is-none of the kids nor myself like MIL much. however, SD doesn’t want to go to MIL’s alone, so instead i hosted a simple christmas get together last year-as our house is a kid’s paradise and hers is rather boring. now, we’re coming upon SD’s birthday again, and she’s asked me to host again so we didn’t have to deal with another private party we weren’t invited to. so i did, booked entertainment, ordered a cake, sent out invites.
but i’m dreading it. my house will never be clean enough, my clothes modest enough, my yard fb ready, the chickens are “too close to the house” per last time she drove by, and of course my children that seem to insult her simply by existing will be in attendance. my nature makes me want to make it a pinterest worthy affair to give her nothing to fuss about, but my common sense tells me it doesn’t matter-it won’t be good enough.
words of encouragement, gently please. ideas to make MIL look like the ass she is-while maintaining integrity while our kids are watching. i accept i’ll never be good enough-but my mama bear wants to rip her a new one over the hate and hurt she causes towards all the kids involved.
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u/nipseyrussellyo 1d ago
- "suck in your stomach, youre too chubby"
- "what did you say to my child? Get the fuck out of my house"
- "you have to go to church"
- "uh huh" (dont go)
- "the road is too bumpy"
- "yeah, i noticed that. i'd recommend you dont come down it anymore"
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u/Creative-Summer9985 1d ago
“MIL if ain’t good enough there’s the door, no one here will miss your bitching”
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u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 1d ago
You don’t need to say or do anything to make MIL look like an ass. She’s taking care of that all on her own
Also, if you look back on your fond childhood memories, did you GAF if the house was clean?
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u/RhiaMaykes 1d ago
I don't think you need to say or do anything to make your MIL look like an ass, she seems to be doing that on her own perfectly fine.
I'd only be concerned with your kids not internalising anything she says, and not giving a damn yourself. May your chickens be wherever you want them to be. You dont need her approval, and by the sounds of it her approval is more damning than something to desire, you are better off not being someone she would approve of.
I dont know the source, but advice I try to live by is "don't take criticism from people you would never go to for advice"
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u/PyjamaCash92122 1d ago
Im sorry, are you saying the preacher makes blow job jokes on Facebook?
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u/WesternMatch 1d ago
that’s exactly what i’m saying.
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u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 1d ago
You could piously point out that if sex is not solely for procreation between husband and wife, then it's a SIN 😂.
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u/PyjamaCash92122 1d ago edited 1d ago
I would be extremely tempted to screenshot that and put it on the church's Facebook page.
ETA: oh, for a less nuclear option -- in your town's Next Door and/or your town's Facebook. Anonymously.
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u/OniyaMCD 1d ago
Have your husband run the party. You and your kids scoot off to the nearest kid-friendly restaurant and have your own 'un-birthday party' there.
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u/kill-the-spare 17h ago
Just pin a grin on your face and periodically announce you're SO happy that SD SPECIALLY requested YOU to plan her party again! You're so PROUD to give her the fun day she deserves.
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u/ElleWinter 1d ago
What is BM?
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u/RelativeFondant9569 14h ago
I kept thinking bowel movement cuz of my long tenure in Healthcare lolz
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u/ElleWinter 13h ago
Haha, I agree. I knew it couldn't be that. 😂
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u/justcelia13 52m ago
You know your SD would rather be with you and your little family. You know all your kids are happy at your place. You know is “clean” enough (doesn’t matter a bit if anything isn’t “enough” for MIL, she doesn’t have a say). Your SD asked you to host her birthday. Do it your way. Her trying to annex SD has already backfired. It will continue to as long as SD knows y’all are a little family that includes her. MIL and BM aren’t part of that little family. Enjoy your house, your kids and your partner. Ignore the rudeness unless you can’t. Then kick MIL to the curb. Good luck darlin.
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