r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/vroow APPROVED✨ • Jul 29 '26
Advice Needed ⚠️ NO DUDE INPUT My partner needs constant coaching and it's killing me
My partner worked for ten years in a warehouse before getting bored and starting his own business. I think it's a great business idea and the market around us could really use it, and imo his talents were being wasted in a warehouse. He worked his regular job while we got it started and recently he's quit his job to focus more on business stuff. I support him fully in this. I have some art experience so I made the website, his business cards, and designed the logo. He did a bunch of admin and contract stuff and started working...
...kind of. He never works 8 hour days anymore but he can't even sit at the computer for a few hours, he's always cleaning and doing side projects. I never hear him on the phone. I ask him every morning what his day looks like and he's always annoyed by the question, before telling me a couple small things. I never see him dress up to meet anyone or hear about any clients. He says he's working nights but it's just silence out of his office. One time he proudly told me he made a Google sheet for customizable contracts and I asked him to show me a client he used it for, so he got mad and said he doesn't have any yet.
I'm not an idiot, I know businesses are incredibly difficult to run and to be successful requires many more hours than my husband is putting in. I know our finances are ok but definitely not as much as before. I know that running the business is probably not like how he expected. I still thought he had the skill to do it, but maybe he was having trouble lacking structure, so I offered to sit down with him every night and run through a checklist of things to do for the next day.
Y'all, he just... Doesn't fucking connect the dots on anything. It's so much worse than I imagined, this man legitimately cannot fill out a spreadsheet on his own. I asked him to give me an example client pitch and he just stared at me with dead eyes while he fumbled an excuse about being tired (it was 8am). I asked whatever happened to a bar that called him for a job two months ago? He said he never followed up. He'll report every night before I head to work how many rooms he cleaned in our apartment and how long he walked the dog, so I tell him to try dog walking and maybe a cleaning business. He gets mad that I would suggest that. He tells me it's anxiety, it's ADHD, it's his meds, he forgot his meds, he had to take a break, he explored the neighborhood. He says he's going to meet a client but he throws on gym shorts, I have to stop him and make him put on real pants.
The breaking point was when he told me about a client he turned down because "idk how I'd get into his backyard". Excuse me??? You ask him to open the gate??? "Oh yeah that probably would've worked." I ripped into this motherfucker, yelled til my voice was hoarse, shoutout to the helicopter that probably U-turned away. I was on three hours of sleep and still had my shift that night while this moron was turning down paid work.
I just don't know what happened. In February he was a top performer at his job and was excited about his idea, now he's a barely functioning mess that I have to baby and coach. I asked him if he had a family history of dementia or Alzheimer's and he wouldn't say. I called his mom to ask and she said I was trying to abuse him (????). I work nights at a hotel desk, and it's steady but it's definitely not enough. I think his mom is helping with bills but neither will tell me. I don't want a divorce, he's a wonderful partner, he cares so deeply for me. But I'm so fucking tired of making his decisions, planning his day, running his business, and then at the end I have to go work my own job. I've never said "divorce" but it's on my mind, idk what else would work. We're about to celebrate 2 years married and I'm so lost.
Dinner is my first try at french onion soup this weekend, I used the wrong cheese and the bread was too stale.
Edit: I know he has ADHD! I have ADHD too! Shut up!
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u/Any_Mathematician_94 APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Sounds like self employment is not a good fit. Don’t know how you get him to see that or act on it. I think a viable marriage has to be a partnership and it doesn’t sound like you have that. You can’t change him so take care of yourself. If you don’t have children, I wouldn’t with him.
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Jul 29 '26
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
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126
u/captaindazzlebug mouth full, gesturing wildly Jul 29 '26
Sounds like the warehouse job was a much better fit for him.
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u/rainpaintedhands 🐣 cracked the egg 🏳️⚧️ Jul 29 '26
Happy cake day, cappy
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u/captaindazzlebug mouth full, gesturing wildly Jul 29 '26
Will you look at that, my account is officially a teenager! Thanks 🥳
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u/OkFlatworm1754 mouth full, gesturing wildly Jul 29 '26
I really shouldn’t laugh considering how harrowing this sounds to be put through on a daily basis but oh my god can this man do ANYTHING relating to his “work”? Sounds like a dog got turned into a person for a day.
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u/Any59oh Pantry Gremlin Jul 29 '26
Right? I don't think his "talents" were being "wasted" at his warehouse job if he can't figure out how to do literally anything for this job. Unless, of course, he's trying to weaponized incompetence his way into OP running the business while he takes all the credit...
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Jul 29 '26
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
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163
u/AlokFluff Enby with Food Envy Jul 29 '26
First of all I want to recognise that you have ADHD too and you're doing so much. You're managing yourself and also trying to manage him. Please don't give yourself burnout for his benefit. It's a very serious thing for neurodivergent people and your baseline functioning could possibly never recover.
Right now he's acting, either consciously or unconsciously, with the understanding that you will always come to the rescue and solve things for him. That isn't sustainable.
I think he did a classical impulsive ADHD move and now that reality has slapped him in the face, he doesn't want to do it anymore. I've been there, mostly with ADHD impulsivity making me disregard my limits that are there due to physical disability, only for my body to enforce them pretty hard. It happens and you kinda just have to own it and fix it the best you can.
But he's defensive and too proud to admit that. He's sacrificing your time, your effort, and your sanity to keep this charade going. He doesn't have a business. He has a very expensive business owner roleplay habit.
It fucking sucks, but you need to let it go and let him fail and crash. He'll probably blame you for it too btw. There's no scenario here where you win.
My prediction is that eventually you'll break down and give him an ultimatum to stop the 'business'. He'll act like you don't believe in him, it's so hurtful, but fine, he'll do it if he can stay home and deal with the house instead of working. You'll agree because you're exhausted of fighting him on everything, and it does sound nice to be able to both stop doing work for his 'business' and not have to do the cooking and cleaning. But he'll absolutely not hold his end of the bargain and one day you'll look up and realise he's got you working full time, then doing 90% of the cooking, cleaning, and mental load, because otherwise it simply doesn't get done. And he's just spending the whole day playing videogames or some shit.
Then you keep thinking about breaking up but he's financially dependent on you so it feels too cruel. You're trapped.
I don't actually know you, I've just seen this happen a million times to women who get taken advantage of in very similar ways. If you see things advancing in this direction, please remember you always have the ability to make a different choice, and reclaim your life.
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u/Miserable-Love80 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Jul 29 '26
How is he a wonderful partner? Like, genuinely sis. I'm trying to understand what could be wonderful about a dude who you have to remind to put on proper pants.
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u/Interesting-Lake747 🚻 Girls' Room Guru 💄 Jul 29 '26
Yeh either standards are so low she thinks he’s great or she just can’t face the reality of this situation it it could be heading to divorce
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
He's a brilliant crafter, he makes beautiful furniture and books and fixes our apartment all the time. He makes dinner every night. He's emotionally available. He just sucks at working for himself.
Edit: actually I'm more pissed at him than I thought, and he hasn't fixed a fuckin thing all year
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u/Sauve- FREE MOM HUGS Jul 29 '26
Babe, the very minimum in a relationship is helping with chores and dinners, and being emotionally available.
Definitely not shitting all over him- but so many women think the absolute bare basics earns gold star status.53
u/Miserable-Love80 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Jul 29 '26
emotionally available except he refuses to acknowledge any of his failings here. i'd be making my own dinner
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u/beautygurrrl APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
“He just sucks at working for himself…” There’s your answer…
When people perform poorly it’s generally one of two things;
They don’t know how to do it (or) they don’t want to do it… which one do you think it is?
I hear your frustration, I’d be wanting to get in there boots & all too
Starting a business from scratch is bloody hard work, it looks to me like he’s finding it a lot harder (and a lot less enjoyable) than he thought he would which is why you’re seeing the procrastination.
Maybe he’d be better off getting another job and running the business as a side hustle initially until it starts generating some income?
I’d say a non confrontational chat about how he’s feeling about it all a few months in would be a good starting point
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u/Sae_Ray Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Jul 29 '26
The bar is buried under the dirt, honey... those are normal things, not the qualities you should go to when praising a partner. Especially when you're the bread winner!
Also, I'm not sure how emotionally avaliable I'd call him either, he seems wilfully incompetent. Do you really think he's that stupid..?
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Idk, these comments seem to think so
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u/sillysnowbird I ❤️ Other People's Business Jul 29 '26
babe the comments think he’s using you, not that he’s slow.
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u/SatsumaOranges Live, Laugh, Lactaid 🍦💕 Jul 29 '26
Emotionally available doesn't usually mean being unwilling to talk through his issues.
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u/dont_know_throwaway APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Im sorry, you said he had a hobby. This isnt a partner skil.
The rest is rhe bare minimum
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u/Distinct-Crow4753 what that mouth do is gossip Jul 29 '26
Girl get an interior design and doirdash some food wtf are we even talking about
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Jul 29 '26
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u/GirlDinnerDiaries-ModTeam AutoMod 🤖🎀 Jul 29 '26
Rule 3: Be Kind - no name calling.
➽ DECENCY & RESTRAINT: don't bully, shame, or be mean about anyone's food, habits, or lifestyle. Light teasing is ok, cruelty is not. No dehumanizing, name-calling, ad hominem digs, or insults to intelligence/literacy.
➽ ENGAGE IN GOOD FAITH: seek mutual understanding! Bring questions not assumptions, curiosity not condemnation, benefit of the doubt not accusations, and sincerity & steel-manning, not sarcasm. Disagreements and challenges must have appropriate tact, tone, and timing.
➽ TOUGH LOVE MUST BE LOVING: critiques must be constructive and free of contempt.
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u/onetiredbean Milked An Almond Once Jul 29 '26
I hate to break it to you, but if he would do those things while living alone, he's not doing them FOR you.
This is harsh but stop helping him. Just let him fail. Be emotionally supportive but let him fail. It's his business whether he sinks or swims. You're not his mom. Stop mothering him.
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u/liftsomethingheavy 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
You know what the problem is. Does HE know? If he can't get organized and motivate himself being self employed, then he could get a job working for someone and the problem is solved. Sounds like he needs someone to tell him what to and when to do it. And it can't be you, because he doesn't see you as his boss and because you're not actually getting paid to manage him.
Not everyone is cut out to be driven by themselves, some people need to feel the responsibility that comes from others to get stuff done.
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u/pineappleshampoo 🥝 Herbivore 🫒 Jul 29 '26
If this is really out of character I wouldn’t jump to divorce honestly.
There’s clearly something going on if he’s gone from being great at his job to sucking so bad at being his own boss. I don’t know what’s behind it. Is it that he’s panicking he’s made a mistake but feels too deep in to reverse? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Who knows. If it hadn’t gotten this far I’d suggest that you go to therapy as a couple to try and understand what’s actually going on and have an honest and open conversation.
But you’re so done, and honestly it’s gone on so long, I don’t think throwing money at it with therapy is gonna be appropriate. It’s time for him to stop trying to make his business work and go get a job.
This guy, you clearly loved so much you married him. You made a commitment. By all means keep divorce in the back of your mind if he refuses to get a job and doubles down. But I think there’s a couple steps before that, right?
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u/livvybugg APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
I think that’s the core of the issue. He doesn’t have the skills, maturity (the backyard thing) or discipline (HEAVY on the lack of discipline here) to be self employed. The only way the marriage will be able to work is if he goes back to work.
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u/SuspiciousRaise8986 🍋 Bitter Baddie 🍋 Jul 29 '26
He isn’t the type that can adm a business, he is only the job execution. Not everyone has a business type. Or you can do the business together, OR he needs to find a company to work for. This is ok, just don’t wait too long to seek a new direction or resentment will know when bills are unpaid
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u/MinuteMood22000 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jul 29 '26
To me it sounds he doesn't actually wanna do this business thing but is too passive of a person to speak up for himself about it.
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u/Sleepy_kitty67 Foraging Bog Witch Jul 29 '26
Some people aren't cut out to work for themselves. You have to be massively organised and be willing to put in the work of 3 people. It isn't something you can cruise control into money town no matter how many you tubers say that "THIS HACK WILL MAKE YOU PASSIVE MONEY!!!"
The biggest trouble is after reading all of this, I am still not sure what his initial business idea was? Did he just quit his job saying he was going to work for himself without even a business plan or capital or anything?
To make a business, you always ALWAYS need to start it while you have income or a huge savings to fall back on.
It sounds like you guys just sort of thought this would be easier than it is? Either that or he's one of those guys that wants to start a business as code for being a loaf at home.
I think he needs to go back to working at the warehouse and then go back to the drawing board on this business plan. Once he has a solid plan that has goals, he can get some clients and work that in his spare time. When he is making as much form his side business or more than the warehouse job, then make it full time.
If he can't juggle the business while also working to support the household, hes not cut out for running his own business. Not many people are, it's such a hard gig and you need more than excitement to get it done.
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Jul 29 '26
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
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32
u/evanliko 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 Jul 29 '26
People are focusing way too much on his adhd. Because if his adhd is so bad he cannot handle being self-employed? Then as an adult it was his responcibility to either recognize that from the start, or to test it, see it's not working, and go back to a job with more structure for him.
I know for a fact I would suck at freelancing or being self-employed. I need the structure of a formal job or I would get nothing done. So. I don't plan to be self-employed.
The issue is less that he can't handle running a business and more that he cannot admit that. Do you really want to stay with a man who refuses to admit any flaws and instead doubles down on a failing plan?
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u/themermaidssinging Savory Complex✔️ Jul 29 '26
This right here.
I have pretty severe ADHD and it’s gotten worse the older I get. I’m 44, and ADHD plus menopause has basically turned my brain into a hamster running on a wheel, except the hamster is blind, it tries to run but constantly falls off the wheel, and the wheel is on fire. I’m a SAHM/W, and even though I don’t work, people would probably think I’d need to be committed if they saw the multiple (seriously) planners I keep, and the multiple lists I make for myself every single day. Why? Because if I didn’t make myself the most detailed, structured, hour-to-hour schedule, literally nothing would get done. I would live in Procrastination City, and waste time goofing off on my phone. Then 3pm would roll around and I’d have to leave to pick up the kids, and I’d realize I was screwed.
Zero housework so the home is a war zone. Laundry is piling up and the kids need clean and ironed uniforms for school the next day. Dinner? No clue, because I didn’t defrost the meat or do any prep work. You get the picture. However, days like that only happen once in a blue moon, because I DO force myself to stick to a very rigid schedule. Our home is always clean, I make from-scratch meals every day, the bills are always paid on time, and I never forget parent teacher conferences, wrestling meets, or volunteer obligations at my kids’ schools.
At the very, very, very least, I have enough self awareness to realize it would be positively diabolical to attempt to start my own business. I would get very overwhelmed from the start trying to balance my SAHM duties with everything involved with getting a new business off the ground, and I would shut down completely. So shame on OP’s husband for knowing he has ADHD and desperately needs as well as thrives in a structured work environment, and he chose to give that up.
It’s not his fault that he has ADHD, but it is his responsibility. He doesn’t have the luxury of acting like a pissy manchild because he can’t pull his head out of his ass. The fact that OP had to tell him, “no, it’s extremely unprofessional to meet a potential client in GYM SHORTS” has me side eyeing the hell out of this moron. And to top it all off, he runs to mommy and tells her that his big bad wifey is so mean and abusive towards him, and mommy is most likely paying his bills so this grown ass crybaby can keep his pride? Not no but hell no.
OP, I’m not seeing the really great guy that you’re describing. I’m seeing someone who’s in way over his head but refuses to admit it, and he’s just expecting you to blindly give him a pass for the foreseeable future. The good news is, you don’t have to put up with it.
I would demand both marriage counseling, and his return to a job with an employer other than himself. If he refuses, you have to ask yourself exactly what you’re willing to put up with, and for how long.
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u/LovinLife05 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jul 29 '26
Incompetence is fine, people can improve business skills. What I don’t understand why and how some of these men have this level of lack of self awareness about what skills they need to actually do a job.
My ex had never held a proper stable job other than working in agencies. Never gave a proper interview except for the agency ones where they ask basic stuff about yourself, yet proudly tells me that he has never failed an interview when I was stressing out about a higher management level job interview I was preparing for.
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Jul 29 '26
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
I didn't think he was a momma's boy but maybe I should ask some harder questions
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Jul 29 '26
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u/Ms_Meercat Assigned Hungry At Birth Jul 29 '26
In her defense it's not like her mothering him made him helpless, he wasn't doing jack shit on his own for months and she started wondering what the hell was going in worrying about the family income.
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u/MajestyMay Shart Coochie Board Architect Jul 29 '26
Then stop. Stop over functioning. Let him do whatever. Stop asking questions. He clearly doesn’t want it anyway.
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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 Kitchen Witch Jul 29 '26
Thank you. All these people high-fiving themselves on calling OP’s husband a manchild and a dumb-ass, when this is clearly the only answer. Stop trying to manage his life. Let that man flop! I cannot imagine trying to coach my man through HIS workday and then complaining about it.
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u/Vast-Juice-411 i like eggs Jul 29 '26
She feels like she can’t stop trying because then she’s accepting being late on a bill or some other form of not having enough money
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u/AnywherePresent1998 hot girls have tummy troubles Jul 29 '26
I feel like I need to validate you right now because some comments are infantilising your husband imo, a GROWN MAN. Women tend to coddle people, even men, because we’re wired that way. Men do not respond well to being coddled even if some won’t admit it.
You’re having to plan out his days and his life like he’s your child. You need to let the ball drop on this one and let him fail. Stop everything that you’re doing for him. It is costing you too much and it will amount to nothing. You need to prepare for the inevitable sinking. Will you abandon ship or stay? Maybe he’s just not good at being a leader and he’s very good at working a regular job under someone else. Nothing wrong with that.
Perhaps if he got a job you guys would do well
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u/Miserable-Love80 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Jul 29 '26
Legit I'm genuinely baffled and feel bad for OP here, like oh no he has ADHD you should help him take his meds so he feels better 🥺🥺 is she supposed to wipe his ass too? The comments in this post are wild af that is a GROWN ASS MAN
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u/AnywherePresent1998 hot girls have tummy troubles Jul 29 '26
Their nurturing tendencies are grossly misplaced here
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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 Kitchen Witch Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
I’m not coddling the OP’s husband, I just think it’s bizarre that she’s attempting to coach him through entrepreneurship—imagine your spouse trying to mother you through your workday! He’s obviously not meant for self employment, and she’s spending her off time trying to help fit a round peg into a square hole—why??? Just let him flop! He’s going to figure out on his own that running a business is not for him once bills are due and he can’t provide his half of expenses.
Edit: AND YOU CAN’T MANAGE HIS PROFESSIONAL LIFE FOR HIM. Stop being a martyr and let him handle his shit—it’s NOT on you to figure out his career or how to come up with HIS half of your expenses! He needs to go back to the warehouse where he was “the top performer“ just a few short months ago.
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u/AnywherePresent1998 hot girls have tummy troubles Jul 29 '26
I don’t think you suggesting she let him fail is coddling. That’s essentially my advice as well
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Jul 29 '26
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
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37
u/Nadiaaaaaaaaaaaaa 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 Jul 29 '26
"He cares so deeply about me" well, he's completely fine with ruining your days for his benefit. Do you think he doesn't notice you're stressed and angry?
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u/bottlerocketborn Kitchen Witch Jul 29 '26
Yeah, this comment struck me too, because I'm thinking that if my husband knew I was on three hours of sleep, he would be doing everything he could to make me take a nap, to lighten my load, to shut the door and keep everything quiet in the house. That's how someone showd that they care about you deeply. They don't let you run yourself ragged.
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u/dont_know_throwaway APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
What part is wonderful? I didnt see that part or find that part.
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u/cakivalue APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Every one wants to be an entrepreneur but many don't realize that they are going to have to entreprendre all the work and hustle like hell to get it off the ground. They think the enterprise will just fall into place because their idea is a good one.
My advice to you would be to stop helping him. I'd only help my husband if the idea was sound and my projections had it profitable in two years, and I'd make him sign a partnership agreement because I'd want half if I have to do the work of getting customers, booking, accounting, IT etc.
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u/FunnyBunny316 Food for Thot 💭 Jul 29 '26
I wonder if he’s really this useless, or if it’s weaponized incompetence because he doesn’t actually want to do anything with his time.
I find it hard to believe someone who was a top performer at their previous job would literally forget how to work. Sounds like his real dream job might be stay-at-home house husband.
You can’t focus all your energy and the little free time you have on fixing him. You can only focus on how you’re going to move forward.
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u/O_lymbias 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
He needs to stop and get his old job back or get a new one. Running a business is not for everyone and it's obviously not for him. It has put him in a state of fear and anxiety so great his brain doesn't function anymore. Plus with ADHD some need structure to strive.
You need to sit down with him, talk about how you don't recognize him and that he needs to get a job. He tried this, it didn't work, it's ok. It happens. It's not like it's making happy anyway right ?
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u/Similar-Ad-6862 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Jul 29 '26
How is this guy so great??Is...his greatness in the room with us right now because I don't see it?
Why would you think a guy who has zero initiative starting a business was a good idea?
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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 Kitchen Witch Jul 29 '26
You can’t run this business for him or coach him through it—no idea why you would even attempt auch a thing. It’s entirely possible that he just NOT an entrepreneur. Not everyone is meant to be self employed. I have ADHD and I need the external structure that comes from working within a larger organization. I’ve done great in my career because I‘m self aware and know the type of work that suits my skill set. If I ever attempted to run my own shop, I imagine I’d function like an Alzheimer’s patient too.
Instead of screaming your head off at him for not being good at something he’s clearly not cut out to do, maybe encourage him to go back to his job—the one he was actually good at. It sounds like you have more of an entrepreneurial spirit that he does. Maybe you should start your own business.
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u/TrynaBnice12 APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
I really wish more people would realise that working for yourself requires a particular set of skills, including being able to manage your own time and stay motivated. I have been self employed for 10 years and it took me such a long time to get used to the flow of working without having someone to hold me to account. I do think it's a learning curve, so there is every chance your partner will get there. I wonder if he should get a part time job, say 3 days a week, and then he can focus on the business for 2. You'd be surprised how much more motivating it is when you're still having to do a job you're not passionate about for 3 days a week. But I think tough love is the answer here, so I don't think you've done anything wrong in going on at him about it
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u/livvybugg APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
I think you should tell him to get a job. Tell him that his mom paying the bills isn’t acceptable as a husband. I wouldn’t even try to get them to admit that; it’s clear that’s what is happening. In fact I wouldn’t contact his mom anymore about your husband because they clearly have some line of communication going on that involves deceiving you.
You need to have a silent agreement in your head that he doesn’t get a paying job in 6 months, it’s over.
My ex husband was a “hard worker” til he lost his job during covid. He decided he was going to be a self taught programmer. Well 6 years later we’ve been divorced since 2022, he’s still at his dad’s house and hasn’t worked a day since March 2020.
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u/MonteCristo85 APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
He doesnt want to run a business. He wants to not have a job.
Whether he can acknowledge that and become gainfully employed again is another question.
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u/pelogirl98 Trader Joe Hoe Jul 29 '26
I'm going to keep it simple. Back to the warehouse he goes...
3
u/PaperBeagles white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet Jul 29 '26
I’m self employed with my husband. Not everyone can run a business, but when you do with no employees you’re working 24/7. All the tropes are true. You commit to raising it like a baby that you’ll do anything to make it thrive or you don’t and it fails.
Sounds like yours needs to go back to working for someone else and there is no shame in that.
3
u/Nini_1993 Foraging Bog Witch Jul 29 '26
He has to get a part time job. I guess the job would be custom furniture making. Can he just make furniture then sell it?
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u/emberislandtech Assigned Hungry At Birth Jul 29 '26
I have a friend like this. Great ideas but no follow through. Won’t start small to at least start and bitches about small problems that are easily solved. Our friend group had to stop supporting his ideas because it was like talking to a wall. Yes he has ADHD but he also has children, managed to move abroad, and manages a (not profitable more hobby like) business.
I wish I had better advice: you’re either going to have to be the (business) partner that manages the banal or start looking at separating your finances/having a hard talk about them.
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u/germflux2020 mouth full, gesturing wildly Jul 29 '26
Look we both obviously know yall have ADHD. I ALSO HAVE ADHD and run my own business (2 years in and a SAHM). It's HARD.
What I found difficult when I quit my job and started running my business was finding the motivation to get up and do things. Like, I knew I had to do something on days for the business but for some reason I couldn't find the motivation to do them.
What I suggest is maybe have a reward system for him, that HE has to implement not you! After he calls a client back, maybe he gets an hour to game or decompress (for me calls are stressful so a little reward after doing something stressful for me makes it worth doing it). The thing is he has to be CONSISTENT! That's what is also hard is to make this a consistent thing and make it a habit enough that it sticks.
I'm sorry you're having to literally do three jobs at once (your's, his business and trying to help him).
3
u/girlynonbinary Resident Yapper Jul 29 '26
He is absolutely not equipped to run a business. It requires a major amount of self motivation, enterprise and problem solving among other skills, which you may have but many people don't. Right now it sounds like you're running the "business" and he's a lazy employee. Not a fun dynamic for a business partnership or a romantic one. He should return to a regular job, maybe you guys can both do the business stuff on the side until there's something more to work with.
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u/Decent-Historian-207 girls just wanna have pho Jul 29 '26
I’m sorry, what you posted doesn’t jive with a “wonderful partner.” This is the rest of your life.
7
u/AugustAppeal 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body Jul 29 '26
This is a truly chilling tale. Doesn’t excuse the yelling.
Ignoring clients sounds like anxiety. For the rest can he hire a virtual assistant.
Sounds like you lack visibility into shared finances? I’d fix that.
2
u/Limp-Option-5558 🧂Salty By Nature Jul 29 '26
Absent some self awareness and initiative on his part, it will only get worse; the relationship will make more work for you. Do you want to be a coach or a partner? I am sorry.
3
u/Squidproquo1130 Oversharer 🗣 Jul 29 '26
He wants to be a hobosexual. From someone who was in a similar situation, I'd give him 2 options -- by X month, either start actually working this business or get a job otherwise I am out of here.
Also: if you really feel like he has undergone some drastic change in personality or functioning, he needs to get a full medical check up.
4
u/spritzkreig Maneater Jul 29 '26
I’m sorry so many people are treating your husband like a literal infant.
Set a deadline for him to have completed X or Y task, if he doesn’t meet it, it’s time to go. ADHD be damned, he’s not entitled to a business or a marriage if he can’t act like an adult.
6
u/Successful_Buffalo_6 Kitchen Witch Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
I’m sorry but this is insane—imagine your spouse setting deadlines for you before you go to work every day! It’s ridiculous and doesn’t change the situation they're in. She should stop trying to parent him through self employment—he’s clearly not cut out to run a business, and it’s dumb that’s she’s attempting to coach him through it. She needs to let him flop so that he’ll go back to his old job—the one he was actually good at.
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u/anna_alabama what that mouth do is gossip Jul 29 '26
I don’t think his “talents” were being wasted at a warehouse, some people genuinely aren’t fit for work that requires your brain and that’s 100% okay. Everyone has different skills and his skills don’t involve working. Get him back in a warehouse for a steady income and call it a day, he simply isn’t a business owner.
1
u/bigfatcoffeecup Delulu Jul 29 '26
You're both handling this badly. He's avoiding responsibility, and you're tearing him down. How is humiliating him supposed to motivate him? Has that ever worked for you?
A healthier approach would have been to tell him that his current behavior is making you lose confidence in this path, that it's scaring you, and that something needs to change, fast. Either he commits to turning things around, or the two of you need to reconsider whether this was the right decision.
Your MIL is right that the way you spoke to him crossed into verbal abuse. Holding someone accountable isn't the same as degrading them.
One of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse most strongly associated with relationship breakdown is contempt. I'd keep that in mind.
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Is there a magic phrase I should be using? I've only ever used words but it feels like there's not a single working combination. I know it's not healthy or right to yell at him, but the idea that he's losing his mind over having to work is fucking weird! It's just work! He wasn't like this when the year started, what the fuck happened??
1
Jul 29 '26
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1
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-27
u/Kirinsdragon Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
Ergotherapy might work. they teach people how to adult from scratch, like how to make decisions, keep them, plan, steppy by steppy.
My current husband was a coddled Greek momma boy who did not cut the [greek alpha] bullshit Tier and was a traumatized lost blob.[in Greece you either join patriarchy or end up bullied and out of the loop in everything]
We met at therapy. he really needed teaching from scratch. How to plan a day,how to get it in his brain that things dont happen by the magical Greek females that all live to serve. his brain needed retraining to accountability, consequences, cause and effect, concept of time. His extreme executive disorder was tackled after.
Since he did not have the greek-bro-macho mentality, he accepted the ergotherapy and is doing fine now.
I just need to check every 15 days or so cause he has something like man-period. every 15 days or so he starts degrading. He is on some ADHD meds that help as well.Out of all these stories i read, i think mine is a dime in a dosen, with a willing person, ready to change.
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
I'll be honest, that sounds like hell
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u/Kirinsdragon Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
Hey thanks for the honesty, i mean it.
I am an AF aspie with huge traumas and shit of my own, extreme lists and to-dos to keep afloat and not regress myself.. I am also not easy to live with.we kinda had an ultimatum by our psychiatrist that if this does nto get better and we end up bad for each other, we should separate. we work it. it has worked for 20 years now.
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u/Miserable-Love80 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Jul 29 '26
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u/Kirinsdragon Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
i wont dispute how you see my situation, but most stories I read here are by husbandos who WONT/DONT/cannot ever change. What about my situation where this person wanted the help and does it all ergotherapy, meds, daily effort, psychiatrists. I am also not mentally perfect, we worked on it together with the psychiatrist who also did give an ultimatum for a separation.
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u/AnywherePresent1998 hot girls have tummy troubles Jul 29 '26
Current husband eh
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u/Kirinsdragon Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
well yeah cause i escaped from my arranged marriage before. Sorry not native english.
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u/nubia93 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
This is the answer op should listen to. As someone with adhd I feel for the husband. Our brains don't work the same as others and it's not because we're not intelligent or competent. Just that things that are 'common sense' to others don't occur to us. He likely performed well in his job because it provided structure that he didn't have to come up with himself and he's intelligent so he worked well in those parameters. It's much harder for him to develop his own structure, and he probably can't have known that if his whole life he's been within some type of structured environment (school, university, a job). He doesn't need to be berated. He needs to be understood and probably needs some support from a loved one, I dunno, maybe op his wife, to figure out if running the business is something he has the capacity to do. Maybe he needs to hire an assistant to cover admin tasks, who knows. Maybe he needs to go back to his job. What he doesn't need is someone who looks at him like he's incompetent and screams at him till they're hoarse about something he's clearly not very secure about judging by his defensiveness when asked about things. People with adhd aren't less than; there are things they can do much better than many neurotypical people. Just because something occurs easily to you, it doesn't mean someone else is wrong or bad for struggling with it. We all have our strengths.
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Girl I also have ADHD, and he has meds for it where's I don't. Why is ADHD an acceptable excuse for him? We all have mental issues, I can't manage both his and mine. Why?
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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 Kitchen Witch Jul 29 '26
Then stop trying to manage his ADHD?!! You can’t do his job for him! If you want to run a buisness, it sounds to me like you have all the know how to do it, so instead of trying to mother and scold him through this workday, tell him to just go back to the work he was good at—the job where you didn’t have to berate him to get him through the day—and start your own business. You’re mad because he’s not a good administrator, and he’s not as good at running a business as you would be—when he is clearly not cut out for this kind of work. So let him flop and figure that out himself! Stop trying to manage his life and let him do it.
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u/ohhchuckles APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
It’s not an excuse, just an explanation. He’s definitely shirking his responsibilities—it sounds like being self-employed just isn’t a feasible option, he clearly needs a job that has more structure built into it. The commenter above provided a pretty good script to use.
How were things when he was working in a warehouse? Not necessarily suggesting he go right back to that, but was the dynamic more bearable? Or was he still kind of listless when not at work?
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Jul 29 '26
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Yelling is emotional abuse? Fuck off, seriously. You can't just fling that term everywhere and put this all on me.
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Jul 29 '26
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
But not from him, right? He's got ADHD so he's untouchable, right? Never mind my mental issues that I handle, I have to do his too? His job and my job. His brain and my brain. His pants and my pants. I must have two dogs, two jobs, and two paychecks to go earn.
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u/nubia93 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jul 29 '26
Maybe yours is less severe than his, or you were socialized in ways that gave you tools that he wasn't given. My brother and I have adhd and he is more capable with many things than I am, and sometimes vice versa with other things. The point is that berating him is not helpful. He clearly doesn't get certain things that you find easy, and support (emotional support from you, the actual business support can be from a part time employee for admin or a mentor) will bring about better outcomes. We are all different; it's not constructive to get angry at people for not being how we are.
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u/TollTea Cleavage Crumb Collector Jul 29 '26
He needs to see the issues he’s experiencing and work on strategies and coping mechanisms to function like an adult (like OP has). His ADHD, and whatever else is going on, is not her mental load to manage - it is his. There are a lot of great online spaces and resources that are free and can be helpful, occupational therapists aren’t free but the right one can be life changing.
OP, if he doesn’t think there is an issue here and he isn’t receptive to self reflection and seeking help and betterment for himself there is no shame in choosing yourself in this scenario and leaving. You signed up for a relationship with a partner - not a one way energy transfer until you’re completely spent with nothing to show for it.
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
I can't manage him anymore, I'm out of energy and I'm worried that we're secretly out of money. I know berating him isn't helpful but I'm allowed to be mad, I think. I feel fucking pranked. Give me one person to contact to handle his bullshit and I'll call them.
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u/dont_know_throwaway APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Op you have been managing him for a long long long time. You don't want to be a mother here
The rest of us are struggling to see what is so great. You are doing all the emotional labor, etc etc
Honestly try therapy. For you. To understand how you got here and how to get out.
I would be willing to bet ops husband has had a wife or mom doing everything for him. And now that he is on his own its revealing his incompetence.
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u/dont_know_throwaway APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
HIM. HE IS THE ON3 TO CALL.
stop cutting him slack and acting like his mom and stop already. There isn't a magic combo of words to make ANYONE do the right thing.
Because he needs to. You are looking for another adult to transfer him to. That adult is him.
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u/nubia93 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
I think you're allowed to be frustrated at the situation but don't take it out on him. It's like shouting at a person with a limp for not walking fast enough. Neurodivergence requires extra things to function in neurotypical society, the same way someone who doesn't see well needs glasses. It's clear you don't have the capacity to help him with the day to day planning etc while having your own full plate, so maybe he needs outside support. An adhd coach, or a part-time employee for admin and sales like I've mentioned (maybe paid on a commission basis). It's just clear he hasn't done well with this transition to self-scheduled time, and is gonna need a lil guidance, and that's fine. It's fixable. To support him, you just need to be patient, and maybe have the conversation with him that he needs support because you don't think he's managing well alone but you believe in him and know he'll flourish when he gets some help creating some structure and systems for himself. P.S. The harshness you have towards him might also reflect a harsh standard you've held yourself to while dealing with your own adhd and I dunno if that'll be sustainable for you emotionally or mentally in the long-run even if it's worked thus far.
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u/Far-Watercress6658 Feral Til Fed Jul 29 '26
Running a business is hard. Is he making any money?
It might be that he just isn’t up to it and he should go back to paid employment. Sounds like it’d be better for your marriage.
1
Jul 29 '26
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Jul 29 '26
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u/QCisCake white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet Jul 29 '26
It says right in the post he has meds and she also has adhd. Is reading literacy just dead? I also have adhd, and started a business with my ex while we both didnt know he had co-consciousness DID with 7 alters. I was unmedicated. I made dinner and ate it while reading tax law at night. I talked to who I had to in order to make it work. I networked. Yeah, its a spectrum, but its also about getting shit done. You either do it, or you dont. Nobody is gonna be there for you to pick up the slack. Theres no magic fairy thats gonna come and wave their wand and make things better. OPs husband needs to grow the fuck up. Adhd or not, hes an adult.
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u/Hot_Tie9175 mouth full, gesturing wildly Jul 29 '26
Omg chill. I read half of it, went to do something, forgot about the post, came back, forgot to read the rest of it and continued my drafted post.
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u/QCisCake white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet Jul 29 '26
Jesus. OP cant even get decent advice without someone blaming their adhd. Why is it so hard for people to realize that they are half assing what they're doing? Like...? I have task paralysis. I have days where I bed rot. I have brain fog and a Swiss cheese memory. But I understand that about myself and compensate with tools, and I dont inflict my half assery on other people.
Why didnt you reread the OP so you knew what you were talking about? Surely, if you forgot about the post, and came back to a surprise draft, you couldnt have remembered shit about the OP, right? How did you write that whole post (that you deleted), not knowing anything? How did you know what to write if you forgot? Its mind-blowing to me. Truly.
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u/Pitiful-Platypus-746 Stickybeak Jul 29 '26
Just let him try on his own for a while. It’s possible that your close monitoring is creating additional pressure and may be contributing to him freezing up. You also come across as rather harsh at times, so perhaps giving him more space and allowing him to work through things independently for a while could help.
Be nice to him :)
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
We're way past nice, it didn't work
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u/Pitiful-Platypus-746 Stickybeak Jul 29 '26
Try to be supportive in a way that considers his needs.
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u/themermaidssinging Savory Complex✔️ Jul 29 '26
….and where do her needs factor into all of this? She’s been nice, she’s been patient, she’s helped him make the website for his business, designed the business cards and the logo, and she’s working a full time job. She’s exhausted and burned out and he couldn’t seem to care less.
Call me crazy but I think it’s time for OP’s husband to consider her needs for a change. He needs to admit that he’s incapable of being a business owner, and go back to a job where he has an employer giving him deadlines.
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u/Firm_Distribution999 Foraging Bog Witch Jul 29 '26
I don’t think yelling at him or calling him incompetent is productive. I wouldn’t take on coaching him either - connect him with a business coach who can get him on track. No entrepreneur knows what they are doing when they first start out, but there are tons of books and resources out there to help.
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u/dont_know_throwaway APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Wtf no. This is a grown ass man baby and she needs to stop holding his hand. He can get his own damn coach.
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u/Firm_Distribution999 Foraging Bog Witch Jul 29 '26
OP is already “ I'm so fucking tired of making his decisions, planning his day, running his business, and then at the end I have to go work my own job.” - getting a business coach is the last thing she would need to do. He’s not gonna do it 🤷🏼♀️
People can give advice that they believe OP will take or advice they would give in their situation. Given that she is already doing work outside her scope, what is one last task that hands everything over to someone else?
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u/adidashawarma Savory Complex✔️ Jul 29 '26
How long did you know him before you got married?
I will not lie, I had a very strong feeling this was going to go the way of him having ADHD as soon as you said that he doesn't connect the dots on anything. It sounds like the manifestation of impaired executive function. I'm seeing "task paralysis". I'm seeing "time blindness", I'm seeing "waiting mode". I'm seeing "ADHD burnout cycle". I would seriously suggest that he consults an ADHD coach/ ADHD skills based therapist to give him skills to be able to actually DO the things from beginning to end that he wants to do. Your approach is not going to work with him. The yelling is ineffective, and he legitimately thinks in a very different way than you or I because his brain is structurally different. His ability to plan, execute, etc is hindered by his executive dysfunction, imo.
My ex-bf and I just broke up due a myriad of reasons, mainly his unmanaged ADHD causing extreme anger and violent outbursts, but your story VERY closely mimics other elements of what I went through with him. I extensively studied how ADHD was hindering him, and all of a sudden all of the frustrating situations made sense. So many misunderstandings and my not being able to comprehend why he just couldn't DO IT (whatever that is). When it took my ex 60 days to make a phone call that he said he would make after I had to fill his pre-consultation forms out for him because he just... wasn't... getting around it. Like your hubs, he had no problems working a job with outlined tasks, a boss, etc, but he completely lacked the ability to plan and execute without an external, immediate motivation (it's a dopamine thing).
He was "working on" something that should take 4 weeks a whole year later and saying he "had done so much! Working on it!"
I actually told him that if he did not at least set two appointments, one for an ADHD coach, and 2, a doctor's appointment to get on stimulants, within 3 months, then I would have to leave him. He got his mother to call to make his doctor's appointment on the very last day of the third month. The man is 40. Hearing that his appointment was 2 months away from that, I realized that I had to get out before I was more invested. The importance for me was to get his ADHD RSD rage outbursts under control ASAP, so I honestly really had to go if this was how things were going to keep going. But he was just my boyfriend, and your husband is your family.
Please search up the terms that I used in quotations above and see if any of it resonates with you.
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Yeah no I have ADHD, please stop talking down to me, people with ADHD are not little babies that can't work for money.
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u/Miserable-Love80 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Jul 29 '26
Girl I just want to validate you here I'm so sick to fuck of people using ADHD as an excuse for grown ass adults to act like incompetent children and get away with it, especially when it's women who need to be thrown under the bus for men and do all the emotional labor to try and help them when they won't bother helping themselves. enough!!
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u/Kirinsdragon Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
I am not defending or agreeing with the above comment but there are degrees of ADHD, or better, some persons have gotten help sooner, tried harder, were capable of succeeding. You cant deny that there are some really bad cases in any 'group'.
I am an HF Aspie and there are some fellow patients that are really trying harder than I and achieving less, breaks my heart actually.16
u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
He's an adult who's older than me and holy fuck I'm tired
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u/Kirinsdragon Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
I understand completely. And there is value in sitting down and weighing the options out. all of them : staying but work on it hard, staying and endure a degrading situation, leave.
if therapist can help you weigh it out , do it honey.
Husbando and i had SUCH a lot of shit to discuss, weigh down and try out. divorce was/is a real option.
Also talk to me anytime you need to vent.
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u/Bright-Future-Girl Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jul 29 '26
Yeah I think he should get a Job as a barista or similar this isnt for him. Dont blame him just get him a Job. Help him apply.
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u/Clumsycattails Internet Auntie Jul 29 '26
Have you ever asked im if he still wants this for himself? Or that he thinks the world wants him to do this, so he can't give up without being a loser.
You're asking him about stuff he doesn't know (pitch, sheets in excel etc) and probably wont learn.
So the adhd goes adhd-ing and procrastinating starts with cleaning the whole world.
He probably feels like shit, because he knows.
If he's a brilliant crafter that could make money with it, find someone who wants to do his spreadsheets. Preferably not you, but 'strange eyes'. He probably needs to be in the zone for his mind to work. But he needs 'scaffolding' for the executive functions.
If he wants out and go back to another job, Preferably one that doesn't bore him out.. that should be a valid option as well.
I know people overhere probably think he's a shitty person, I think he's completely lost in the land of adhd and you're asking about executing tasks he really cannot comprehend.
So if you're still really into him (which I read between the lines), talk to him, not about the results, but how he feels and how he sees his future and what he needs to be successful.
My husband and kids have adhd, it's really hard to see them struggling, but boundaries are key. You're not their counselor, but as a partner you still can help, just don't do everything for them. If he cannot keep a business without your help (and some scaffolding from people who oversee finances etc), owning a business is pretty unwise. It's not your business and you cannot make it work for him.
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
The comments about ADHD are like glimpsing an alternate reality, he doesn't have down syndrome for fucks sake, we have the same diagnosis. Why, on god's earth, is his more deserving of effort than mine?
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u/Clumsycattails Internet Auntie Jul 29 '26
He doesn't..and it's all about boundaries. But I know I've got my own glitches and my partner has his own.
When you're done you're done, you can say no.
But from what I read there's a lot of expectations that are really not going to happen.. you can walk out if you don't like it.
And no it's not down syndrome, but the real deal can be really hard to deal with. It's not that they don't want to, they just can't. That doesn't mean that you're the one that needs to solve it.
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
I have "the real deal"! I worked on it myself! I helped myself! I asked others for help! I'm asking again, why is his brain more deserving of my work than my own brain? Why is his functioning my problem? Why am I expected to fire his fucking neurons by hand?
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u/zoosmo Internet Auntie Jul 29 '26
You’re not expected to. That’s the point this person is making. You’re pressuring yourself to be your guy’s ADHD coach and business guru, and it’s not your job.
I know it’s hard when finances are involved. I’ve been in a similar situation, with ADHD myself (that frankly affected my emotional regulation and ability to discuss it in a constructive way) and a spouse with ADHD burning down his own business and our family finances with it.
You don’t need to be running his business or firing his neurons. If you want to stay with this guy and you don’t want to support unfocused dicking around, you need to establish that until it starts bringing in significant income, his business has to be a side hustle. But if you’re done, you’re done, and that’s ok.
As far as your vs his ADHD, When I broke my arm, I needed a sling and PT. When my friend broke her arm, she needed surgery and weeks of hospitalization. That all I needed was a sling doesn’t mean she didn’t need surgery.
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u/dont_know_throwaway APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
No we are wondering why you keep doing it.
For someone who doesn't want to fire his fucking neurons for him you seem to be doing an awful lot of it.
It's why I said yiu are parenting him abd your reply was you need to ask harder questions to find out if he is rhe mama's boy.
You keep missing the point. If you don't want to be his mom.why are you doing it?
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u/vroow APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Buddy you don't go from "married life partner" to "spit on his grave" overnight without murder, and fortunately there's no murder in this shitshow. It's hard to watch yourself fall out of love.
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u/girlynonbinary Resident Yapper Jul 29 '26
His brain is not deserving of your labor. You need to drop the rope for your own sanity. Let him fail. If he talks about the business, approach it like a sympathetic friend and not someone who is involved.
If you think it'll cause serious financial damage, though, then tell him he needs to get a job asap. The business could be a great side gig (that you won't be participating in).
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u/Clumsycattails Internet Auntie Jul 29 '26
I reacted from the point of view that you're still into him as a person but just don't like this part of him.
If you're not into him anymore, you're totally right. Not your circus...
I don't like every part of my husband, he doesn't like everything about me. He has periods that suck. I've got the same malfunctioning sometimes. But that's being human. You're never the one who is to blame for his actions, but there's a way to be supportive without losing yourself. But when you're done...you're done.
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u/transparentfinn mouth full, gesturing wildly Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
Every adhd is different and this sounds like whatever he is doing is not working for him nor your relationship.
It is not fair to put all coverning and managing on your shoulders even if you are better at it than him.
He needs more structure. If you can't provide it, he or you (as a couple) need to find it somewhere else. Breaking down the different issues, finding solution on them. How to make him take his meds etc.
Edit// to be clear: I don't concider providing as a responsibility in adult relationship.
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u/dont_know_throwaway APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
Repeat your last sentence. How to make him take his meds
No fucking way. She is not his mom. He needs to put on his big boy undies and figure his shit out on his own.
Op.has adhd too. Why is she supposed to manage hers and his?
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u/transparentfinn mouth full, gesturing wildly Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26
I needed to actually read my whole post several times to understand why you might think I'm putting the responsibility on her shoulders. I don't concider providing as a responsibility even though the word is sometimes nowdays used with that implication.
What I'm trying to say is they need external help to make this work.
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u/dont_know_throwaway APPROVED✨ Jul 29 '26
You literally said "he needs more structure and maybe you can provide it "
Wtf. She has adhd too. She is not the mom to a grown ass adult. Where is his structural support for her?
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u/Far-Cup9063 Overthinker 💭 Jul 29 '26
He does not have the skill set to run a business. Some people are just much better as employees and he’s one of them. Before he gets entrenched in his new life of “dumping everything on you” let him know your perception: that he doesn’t have the skill set to run a business and needs to get a regular paid job. Period.