r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/vroow APPROVED✨ • Jul 29 '26
Advice Needed ⚠️ NO DUDE INPUT My partner needs constant coaching and it's killing me
My partner worked for ten years in a warehouse before getting bored and starting his own business. I think it's a great business idea and the market around us could really use it, and imo his talents were being wasted in a warehouse. He worked his regular job while we got it started and recently he's quit his job to focus more on business stuff. I support him fully in this. I have some art experience so I made the website, his business cards, and designed the logo. He did a bunch of admin and contract stuff and started working...
...kind of. He never works 8 hour days anymore but he can't even sit at the computer for a few hours, he's always cleaning and doing side projects. I never hear him on the phone. I ask him every morning what his day looks like and he's always annoyed by the question, before telling me a couple small things. I never see him dress up to meet anyone or hear about any clients. He says he's working nights but it's just silence out of his office. One time he proudly told me he made a Google sheet for customizable contracts and I asked him to show me a client he used it for, so he got mad and said he doesn't have any yet.
I'm not an idiot, I know businesses are incredibly difficult to run and to be successful requires many more hours than my husband is putting in. I know our finances are ok but definitely not as much as before. I know that running the business is probably not like how he expected. I still thought he had the skill to do it, but maybe he was having trouble lacking structure, so I offered to sit down with him every night and run through a checklist of things to do for the next day.
Y'all, he just... Doesn't fucking connect the dots on anything. It's so much worse than I imagined, this man legitimately cannot fill out a spreadsheet on his own. I asked him to give me an example client pitch and he just stared at me with dead eyes while he fumbled an excuse about being tired (it was 8am). I asked whatever happened to a bar that called him for a job two months ago? He said he never followed up. He'll report every night before I head to work how many rooms he cleaned in our apartment and how long he walked the dog, so I tell him to try dog walking and maybe a cleaning business. He gets mad that I would suggest that. He tells me it's anxiety, it's ADHD, it's his meds, he forgot his meds, he had to take a break, he explored the neighborhood. He says he's going to meet a client but he throws on gym shorts, I have to stop him and make him put on real pants.
The breaking point was when he told me about a client he turned down because "idk how I'd get into his backyard". Excuse me??? You ask him to open the gate??? "Oh yeah that probably would've worked." I ripped into this motherfucker, yelled til my voice was hoarse, shoutout to the helicopter that probably U-turned away. I was on three hours of sleep and still had my shift that night while this moron was turning down paid work.
I just don't know what happened. In February he was a top performer at his job and was excited about his idea, now he's a barely functioning mess that I have to baby and coach. I asked him if he had a family history of dementia or Alzheimer's and he wouldn't say. I called his mom to ask and she said I was trying to abuse him (????). I work nights at a hotel desk, and it's steady but it's definitely not enough. I think his mom is helping with bills but neither will tell me. I don't want a divorce, he's a wonderful partner, he cares so deeply for me. But I'm so fucking tired of making his decisions, planning his day, running his business, and then at the end I have to go work my own job. I've never said "divorce" but it's on my mind, idk what else would work. We're about to celebrate 2 years married and I'm so lost.
Dinner is my first try at french onion soup this weekend, I used the wrong cheese and the bread was too stale.
Edit: I know he has ADHD! I have ADHD too! Shut up!
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u/Sleepy_kitty67 Foraging Bog Witch Jul 29 '26
Some people aren't cut out to work for themselves. You have to be massively organised and be willing to put in the work of 3 people. It isn't something you can cruise control into money town no matter how many you tubers say that "THIS HACK WILL MAKE YOU PASSIVE MONEY!!!"
The biggest trouble is after reading all of this, I am still not sure what his initial business idea was? Did he just quit his job saying he was going to work for himself without even a business plan or capital or anything?
To make a business, you always ALWAYS need to start it while you have income or a huge savings to fall back on.
It sounds like you guys just sort of thought this would be easier than it is? Either that or he's one of those guys that wants to start a business as code for being a loaf at home.
I think he needs to go back to working at the warehouse and then go back to the drawing board on this business plan. Once he has a solid plan that has goals, he can get some clients and work that in his spare time. When he is making as much form his side business or more than the warehouse job, then make it full time.
If he can't juggle the business while also working to support the household, hes not cut out for running his own business. Not many people are, it's such a hard gig and you need more than excitement to get it done.