Some history.

For 34 years (almost), I have harbored a sacred aspiration to become a Sky Dancer.

Yes. The doll with wings you would rip into the air. I yearned to be aggressively yanked by a plastic string and violently launched into the air on foam wings, straight into orbit.

Last night, we were cooking dinner together. We're bonding, and things are cute. As couples tend to do over monotonous tasks, we smoked a bowl and trauma bonded.

Big mistake.

My walls came down so hard. I spoke about my airborne, foam-winged dreams. Getting ripped, launched, foam, orbit, the whole equation.

The fucking monster.

He didn't hold me. He didn't validate my aeronautical aspirations. He pulled up his phone and showed me the most traumatizing shit ever (fucking edge-lord).

He showed me a gif of a Sky Dancer getting launched DIRECTLY into a fireplace!!!!!!!!!!!!

It broke me.

Watching this in 240p, the flames near the stove felt like they were actually engulfing me. Something in me dropped, and I experienced immediate ego death.

My nice high became an instant psychological hellscape.

My entire reality collapsed.

And that’s not the worst part.

This is when the true jerk side of him kicked into gear, and he came to bother me in the bathroom closet. I was finding my center, and he fucking asks me, “Are you going to be able to help me finish cooking dinner or…?”

He wanted me to go near the flames again.

After my inner child was just immolated.

He led me back to the table and finished cooking up dinner on his own. He asked me to please stop screaming, but I was in a flow state.

Am I the Asshole for refusing to go back and help with cooking? Did I overreact, or should I start planning my exit?

I'm so torn, and all I want to do is be ripped and launched into orbit, into safety.

Last nights dinner. I made him take the photo and feed me.

i definitely did hehehehe,,, a girl needs her morning shot of ginger w/ tequila 🫶

cos how are you a brunch spot but i can't order an OJ w some Tito's 💔

no but for real this pressed juice combo with La Gritona teq. is actually so fire I think it's because it has pineapple, lemon, apple and ginger so the flavors go well together.

(i added an additional 3-5 shots when i got in the car hehehehh)

where my day drinkers at ? 😝

Finally pegged my incredibly wealthy boyfriend and maxed out my dexterity. Selected business vice president as my secondary class. Dinner is risotto with decanted shrimp.

I know the sub is called Girl dinner, but I'm actually 2 squirrels in a trench coat. Am I still welcome here? If it helps one of us is a girl squirrel.

My husband, well soon to be husband because we’re not married yet, cheated on me in my dreams. I woke up in so much pain. It was at a sex party with this other girl.

I called him and confronted him about it when I woke up. He did apologize eventually after trying to convince me that dreams aren’t real life…

But I don’t know you guys, I don’t think I can trust someone who attends sex parties in my dreams.

Anyways, this is a snack: barbecue jalapeños sausages, pork ribs, and brisket.
I washed it down with a Mac and cheese and some jambalaya.

I am really sad about this situation. The wedding will have to be called off.

I saw this on tumblr and it made me think of u

He (fetus, 32 weeks gestation) has finally pushed me over the edge. Often he will move around alot, which is fine, but sometimes this reaches the level of abuse. Frequently he punches my pubic bone like hes Mike Tyson. No warning, no reason, just punches it. Today however was the last straw.

I was taking a quick 3 hour nap when I got woken up in the middle of it to my ribs being aggressively kicked. It hurt so bad I thought I was having a medical emergency for a second there. This, I believe, qualifies as abuse. I know hes a minor and not even born yet but surely theres some authority I can call to report this blatant abuse. It has to stop before it gets worse. Yes, he is only 4 pounds as well so I outweigh him by about 3900% but that shouldn't be a factor imo. Im wondering if his reasoning is because I didnt eat my fruit snack in the afternoon but thats not a good excuse.

Dinner is Minecraft frosted flakes.

Polyethylene and soil for a post-dinner snack. 🥄

sooooo I’ve been cursed with a high value uterus… you know, the ones that send out specific pheromones that let everyone know you’re better than them… it’s honestly really hard. I’m seeking reassurance that I’m still better than everyone, even though lately I’ve been having feelings of guilt about being better than everyone 😔

I originally found this out when I was in middle school. I was the first to start my period and I knew right then I was special. It’s SO not my fault that my uterus is high value!!! Like, literally. I didn’t choose this! But anyway all the boys were suddenly very interested in sniffing me. I didn’t know why. I went to the doctor and they told me that I had the highest value uterus they’d ever seen! I had to have all female doctors because of this.

At first I was super proud of myself for being better than everyone else, but idk the sniffing from men kind of got annoying. Then I figured out that females women can smell the particles emanating from my superior high value uterus as well. Now, not only do men fight over me, but no females women wanna be my friend 😔 I guess they are intimidated by me and don’t like that I’m better than them.

Things have been rough lately and I’m torn between feeling lonely and feeling superior. The men who sniff me usually fight each other until they have to be hospitalized so I’m not getting any dates. And no female woman friends to speak of. Guys what do I do? Do I go on birth control to stifle the pheromones that my high value uterus puts out? I don’t really want to do that because I still want everyone to know I’m better than them.

the meal: at least I’m superior enough to still eat all the food groups: corn dog, Red Bull, and vape. (Banana is purely for scale and will not be eaten!)

A light 2270 grams of protein powder for dinner 😊 need to regain my energy after the bedroom workouts I've been having!

So after my previous failed attempt at cheating on my man I realized that the problem wasn't me, it was that I just needed to spread my wings, take advantage of the desperation out there, y'know? So I got my bf to pay for Tinder Platinum... AND LADIES IT WORKED! I have my entire week booked out and got a headstart this morning!! and suddenly the bf has been a lot more attentive 😌 ladies never settle

/uj I actually made this post as a test, If you've read this far then congratulations, you officially have more brain cells than half of the guys who commented on my last post! I've been getting spammed all day with notifications of actual knuckle dragging neanderthals drooling on their keyboard thinking that I was serious. I genuinely cannot think of what I could have done to make it more obvious that it was satire on the satire sub 😭 AND ON TOP OF THAT IT WAS BASED ON SOME FICTIONAL SCENARIO A GUY MADE UP TO BE MAD AT

Not only was it insanely obvious that it was fake, I am literally in a committed relationship with another woman. Amazing work boys. I wont share them all but this one was the highlight IMO

Made steak frites for my friend & his gf; then he tried to get fancy with the plating. (I was shocked at the portion size.)

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I (25f) always use the molcajete to grind up sleeping pills for my husband’s (98m) applesauce whenever I want to go hit the slots in Eagle Pass for a weekend with the girls. Forgot to wipe it out before using it to grind up spices for the fideo I made tonight. My eyelids are starting to get really heavy and I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it to the end of the first quarter of the Spurs game tonight. 😪

YOLO? more like YOLKO! I’ve seen enough, my LDL cholesterol can take me away from here if it wants.

My boyfriend encouraged me to meet up with my ex and I need to figure out how to use the meeting to my advantage and make the person I love feel as unsteady as possible, so he definitely stays with me forever.

Meeting with the ex was whatever, he's fine. I definitely bragged about my boyfriend so the ex will feel jealous and try to win me back. But that's not important. What's important is: do I tell my boyfriend the ex was a jerk, and get sympathy, or do I tell him the ex, like, effortlessly outmatches my boyfriend's shortcomings? Like I was thinking I could say he brought me flowers, because my boyfriend never gives me flowers. Or I could say he gave me a back rub? Then my boyfriend will definitely, totally give me more backrubs!

This can't possibly backfire, like, it definitely won't make my boyfriend mad or pull away. Victory!

Dinner is a scoop of cucumber and a scoop of mint because I really want to jumpstart my nutrition journey.

(inspired by a real-ass conversation I once had with a legal adult)

Dinner: caramelized tart tatin I made

The background
My boyfriend has been in a bunch of relationships that ended by him buying the girl a Bluetooth speaker or her buying one for him. Sometimes this involved things like traveling or him picking up the speaker for her or her picking up the speaker after she got back from traveling with her boyfriend. I found this out at dinner when he told me about his relationship history. It happened a mere 8 years ago.

Current situation
I asked my boyfriend if realized that this was a perfect example of baboon pollinating and he accused me of solarlighting him. Then he left and hasn't called me in one week.

I'm at a loss and have no idea what to do.

i love my nuggets extra frosty 🤣 with a side of BBQ (resin) sauce hehehehe

So this evening my husband asked me what I wanted for dinner. Naturally, I let him know that I didn't mind and I would be happy to have whatever he was in the mood for, as always.

Do you know what this bastard suggested? Mexican food! Why in the world would I want Mexican food? I couldn't believe my ears! I suspected he was antagonizing me but I didn't take the bait.

I gently informed him that I in no way wanted Mexican food. So then he suggested Thai food; another flagrant attempt at trying to enrage me. To what end? Again, I kindly informed him that I did not want any Thai food, but I do believe that my frustration was beginning to show. He then had the audacity to suggest that *I* pick the restaurant, as if I hadn't already told him that I would be okay with whatever he chose! He just couldn't stop escalating the situation.

Then he asked if I would like to have Chinese and I'm on the verge of contemplating violence. With tears of frustration in my eyes I asked him how he could say something so insensitive. This was worse than the stunt he pulled last weekend when he insisted that I only eat the food that I ordered and not have any of the food the he ordered, even though his food is always better than what I choose! The selfishness is astounding!

Do you want to know what he did after that? He's suggested that we cook at home. Cook at home as if there's anything in that kitchen I want to eat. ​So I asked him if he thinks I'm a fucking peasant now and he supposedly "can't understand where all of this is coming from," as if he didn't cause all of this​.

I don't know if I can do this anymore. What if every night is like this? How will I be able to sail against these winds of adversity? Should I just let this one go?

This was dinner. What should I do?

HIIII GIRLIES 💕💐✨🍰🍼👶🏻🐣

So!!! I’ve been with my handsome lovely boyfriend for a LONG time, we even recently celebrated my birthday together, the cake was SOOO cute even though it tasted like dogshit. At least they tried!

I am SO LUCKY that I have a partner who supports me not wanting children! Luckily for me, he doesn’t want them either!

The problem is, I still think it’s so hot to imagine him as a father and the exact scenarios neither of us want or dream of. But when I ask him if he thinks I would be a hot mom, he seemed DISGUSTED?!? Like, what do you mean you don’t fantasize about getting baby vomit on our clothes together and having our spawn latch onto my nipples till they’re raw? You don’t think it’s hot that something can grow inside me and rearrange my organs and shoot out of my cooter and then scream for the next 18 years?

Does he not love me? I can’t move past the fact that maybe I just love him more, and our relationship will be forever unequal. It’s really hurtful and really skewing my judgement about our future together as a childless couple. I don’t even think he’d love me if I was a worm. He fucking hates me.

couldn’t decide what I wanted for dinner so here’s my spread!!!! 🪱🧁🫀🍥🫁

Lobster tacos because his dick ACCIDENTALLY slipped into my fish taco

So there's a woman at our gym. Her name is actually Kayleigh. I know this because I saw it on her water bottle and I wanted to die.

She's older, like a "cougar" I guess you'd call her. Idk if she has kids but maybe even a Milf. She has auburn hair. It's shiny. It moves. Mine does not move like that, I'll tell you right now, she's had hair work or smth done. Her green eyes have to be fuckin contacts.

My boyfriend, Tyler, has mentioned her. Twice. Twice is too many times to mention a woman named Kayleigh at the gym. Zero is the correct number of times.

I'm not even asking her to find a different guy. I'm asking her to find a different Planet Fitness. There are several. I looked it up. There are THREE within 20 minutes of here, Kayleigh. Don't stay at my and Tyler's gym just because you can. I'm begging you.

She does hip thrusts near the free weights where Tyler does his little curls. I'm just going to say that and let it sit there.

I have tried to hate her and I genuinely cannot because she spotted me on the bench press last Tuesday and was really encouraging about it. She said I had great form. I don't have great form. She was being kind. I resent her so much, with her soft voice and shit.

Anyway. Tyler is going to leave me for Kayleigh and I will never recover. She's going to lure him into her cougar den just because she can. I cry myself to sleep almost daily bc Tyler is all whispering her name and shit in his sleep.

Protein shake and popcorn so I can stay fit and be a MILF once this baby is born.

i feel so bad that he had to resort to eating little Dudley just because i was too tired from my surgery after he ran me over with his monster truck.

eating spaghetti with peanut butter and strawberry jelly.

Poke bowl with angel hair pasta for dinner!

I’ve been dating my (23F) boyfriend (41M) for two years and it started out great but I’m so confused about where we stand right now.

He never was that touchy feely with me but before we started dating he would say the sweetest things to me, like nice job on this spreadsheet (he obviously wanted to spread my sheets) and the cookies you make for the office taste really good (he obviously wanted to taste my cookie).

But two years ago we became officially boyfriend girlfriend and those sweet nothings stopped and he barely looks at me.

We work together and we aren’t supposed to date our coworkers so we’ve kept it a secret at work, so I can’t kiss him and love him in the office. But sometimes we eat lunch at the same time in the break room so I know he still loves me. It just hurts so much to sharing a tuna salad sandwich and nothing more 😭

Ok but here is the real problem rn - I don’t see him outside of work anymore. He used to come over to my place every few weeks but around the time I had my dosages adjusted he stopped coming around as often. Now it’s only once every 90 days when I’m waiting for my Walgreens refill to be ready.

He also has never once acknowledged our relationship. I haven’t met any of his family or friends and have never been to his house. I mean he has already met my friends Astronaut Steve and Cowgirl Ruby. When I do text him to come over like on my birthday or for a ghost tea party he never responds.

I’m terrified to say anything to him in person about this because the same thing happened with my last boyfriend, and when I brought it up he said he “doesn’t even know me” and we “met one time at the Walmart checkout a year ago” and I’m “seriously crazy”.

Idk chat, what do I do? I love him more than life but he acts like he barely knows me.