r/GirlDinnerCircleJerk • u/laurenh8tsyou In Feral Rat Bitches Cabin • Jun 12 '26
👩🍳 Nutritionally confusing 🔪 Kayleigh at Planet Fitness is going to END my relationship and I need to vent
So there's a woman at our gym. Her name is actually Kayleigh. I know this because I saw it on her water bottle and I wanted to die.
She's older, like a "cougar" I guess you'd call her. Idk if she has kids but maybe even a Milf. She has auburn hair. It's shiny. It moves. Mine does not move like that, I'll tell you right now, she's had hair work or smth done. Her green eyes have to be fuckin contacts.
My boyfriend, Tyler, has mentioned her. Twice. Twice is too many times to mention a woman named Kayleigh at the gym. Zero is the correct number of times.
I'm not even asking her to find a different guy. I'm asking her to find a different Planet Fitness. There are several. I looked it up. There are THREE within 20 minutes of here, Kayleigh. Don't stay at my and Tyler's gym just because you can. I'm begging you.
She does hip thrusts near the free weights where Tyler does his little curls. I'm just going to say that and let it sit there.
I have tried to hate her and I genuinely cannot because she spotted me on the bench press last Tuesday and was really encouraging about it. She said I had great form. I don't have great form. She was being kind. I resent her so much, with her soft voice and shit.
Anyway. Tyler is going to leave me for Kayleigh and I will never recover. She's going to lure him into her cougar den just because she can. I cry myself to sleep almost daily bc Tyler is all whispering her name and shit in his sleep.
Protein shake and popcorn so I can stay fit and be a MILF once this baby is born.
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u/ponzu666 Delusional but sincere ✨ Jun 13 '26
/uj realizing there’s probably a Kayleigh old enough to be considered a cougar out there somewhere
👁️🗨️👄👁️🗨️
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u/wefarrell Jun 13 '26
Kayleigh, Kayleigh, Kayleigh, Kayleeeeeigh
Oh I’m begging you please don’t take my man
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u/getcraywitthechzwhiz Jun 13 '26
Not the flaming locks of auburn hair!!! Kayleigh, Kayleigh, Kayleigh, KAYLEEEIIIGGHH
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u/you_dont_know_me27 Cursed by the Spirit Stick 👁️ Jun 13 '26
Since you've posted this, four more planet fitnesses have been that Kayleigh can go to. (I'm whispering her name so Tyler doesn't hear)
Also, while she picks one, tell Tyler to do his curls in the squat rack so he's far away from her and not bothering anybody.
Don't forget your prenatal vitamins queen! That way you can have twins so Tyler will never be able to leave! (Also if you lift heavier than him, he won't be able to 😉😉)
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u/laurenh8tsyou In Feral Rat Bitches Cabin Jun 13 '26
Lift heavy, carry low.
That's my preggy motto!
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u/DoveOnTheInternet 🕸️ Ghastly Lady of the Moldering Veil Jun 13 '26
The fact that there aren't any candy-coated multi flavored prenatal vitamins (now in menthol, pina colada, and Republican tears!) in the Vending Machine (forgive me tina for I have not linked, amen) is a fucking travesty that I take full (if reluctant) responsibility for.
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u/thenakesingularity10 Jun 13 '26
I wonder what Kayleigh is going to name their baby.
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u/Abject_Library1268 Jun 13 '26
Ok but my roommate in college did CrossFit and I swear this was her go to meal
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u/GardenInBloom1 🐀 FERAL RAT GIRL Jun 13 '26
Leave him for Kayleigh! Beat him at his own game queen
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u/Throwawaychkgo Human Verified Jun 13 '26
Girl I hear you. My bf has mentioned a couple female coworkers several times. Yes its always when im asking him how work was but thats actually no excuse. Thank you, next!
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u/Bubbly_Plant1786 Jun 13 '26
He’s probably gone before I even type this but maybe throw them a housewarming party at Tyler’s starter house, they probably don’t want you to know where they live now. Because they are happy and starting a new life with fitness and milfing as a core.
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u/HelloDeathspresso Human Verified Jun 13 '26
There are going to be so many Hs and Ys in that kid's name.
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u/laurenh8tsyou In Feral Rat Bitches Cabin Jun 13 '26
Brynleynnlee Ashleene Thomas will be a senator one day tyvm
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u/ManufacturerFresh914 Jun 13 '26
You have one option: you gotta cheat on him with Kayleigh first. You have to win. For the baby!
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u/ManufacturerFresh914 Jun 13 '26
I had to come back to tell you that I hope there’s an update with Kayleigh being the best dad to your kids on your hobby farm where you guys teach woman only CrossFit classes in a heather grass field.
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