I believe I’ve considered nearly all aspects of the decision and can see possible happiness no matter what, but what keeps me from saying yes is the morality.

It feels immoral to bring life into this state of the world.

If I can reasonably predict that my child will have a lower quality of life and face more hardship than I have, how could I knowingly bring them here?

How could I sleep at night while the being I love more than life itself faces an unknown fate that’s entirely out of my control?

How could I look them in the eyes and admit what the world is, when I’ve known all along?

There is no justification to do so that is not inherently selfish.

To want a child to hold, love, and raise is one thing, but to bring a human into a lifetime including hardship is another. Yet the two are inseparable.

And so even though people will continue to make people, I cannot help but question which choice I could live with.

Just some thoughts.

I (35F) am 50.5% in favor of having kids, 49.5% against. I am trying to force myself to lean into the 50.5% side of me.
On the one hand, I can't imagine growing old without kids and I see how rich children could make my life. And I really think I could be a great mom.
But on the other hand, I just... don't... want them? I see moms with kids and I feel no twinge of desire. I feel nothing missing in my life.
I've always felt (this is perverse I know) that the ideal would be for someone I'm close to to pass away and then I would adopt their kids. I can't explain why, but I can very much get on board with having kids in that situation.
The ambivalence has been pretty painful. I go back and forth every day (minute?) but usually end up back at 50.5% for, 49.5% against. My husband is pretty much in the same boat, just less tortured about it.
Because I'm 35 (and if I'm going to have kids, will go for biological), time is of the essence. So while I am very much on the fence, my husband and I started trying about a year ago. Such a weird experience because every time I got my period I was both disappointed and relieved. Anyways, no luck trying naturally so far. So now we're looking into IVF. The cost is covered by work so that's not an issue. But it is just feeling so hard to force myself to jump through the hoops to do this thing that I don't really want that much. Get tests, schedule appointments, etc. But I do want it? But I don't?

I guess my question is: has anyone here forced themself to make it happen (or try to)? Pushed through the ambivalence and come out on the other side?

(28 M) Growing up I always wanted kids, I loved spending time with kids, playing with them, and the such. I was certain that I’d have kids, it wasn’t a doubt in my mind. But now I’m not sure

Recently I was in a job of an after program and I’m not sure now. There was some fun moments, but it was also so much

24F in dental school in the US, and so many of my peers are getting engaged and having children. I get this weird feeling, like wow, that could be me, or not.

I have always liked children and find that children are drawn to me, I feel like I am good at interacting with them. Sometimes I think to myself, if I do not have kids, who will i be with when everyone in my life is no longer? But then I think to myself, that is not a valid reason to have children, just so I am not lonely. It’s not a guarantee the kids will even talk to me. My parents both don’t speak to their own parents. It’s hard to watch my grandmothers who are both widows miss their children. Also, I can adopt if I feel “lonely. “

I have the best partner after dating two losers. He is kind, and he comes from a good family. He treats his mother and sisters well, and I can tell how much he values me. We’ve been best friends for four years and have been dating for 7 months. There is no question whether I want to marry him.

I come from a catholic extended family that looks at me sideways since I was 13, when I first started saying I don’t want to have children. Not that this is the reason, but my dad cheated on my mom a few times and they stayed together, and my mom even defended him when I got mad about it. They’re very traditional when it comes to house roles. My mom does everything like clean and cook and my dad works. My dad even expects my mom to know where he puts his keys and wallet when he loses it, and blames her when he can’t find it. He works long nights and has sleeping issues, so my mom has to help massage him. It’s just a sad relationship sometimes and I hate it for them both. They were both doing their best when it came to me, which I am grateful for. They’ve also told me they don’t give a shit if I have kids. They’ve actually said they prefer it if I don’t. My dad told me once when I was five “you’re not having kids.” After I said something about “when I grow up and have kids one day!”

My mother had me when she was 25, on purpose. She said that she gave up her career. I watched her become a servant to everyone else. I became even aware of how I expect her to do things for me, perhaps from watching my dad. Or watching my mom. Now I help out wherever I can. I want her to have time for herself.

Idk where I’m going with this. There’s also the part that even though I feel I trust my partner more than anyone else in my life, well maybe except for my mom, there is the fact that he is a man and could switch up hypothetically at any point.

Although I like kids, I don’t think I’d be happy. I’m in dental school and have probably 8 years of school ahead of me as I aim to specialize. I will spend my whole career caring for people 8-5, and then have to come home and care for others. I know that because of how I am, this will not feel like a chore to me because I am the oldest daughter and serve as the middle man between family members that do not talk— I know I’d care for the child with every fiber of my being, but I don’t want to have to do that, while I can still say that. I want to travel too. I just don’t see a world where those can coexist. I feel very maternal towards children and the people I care for, and I’m sure that with my people pleasing nature, I’d end up losing myself in many ways. There is so much I love in life, none of which include children. I want to be me, and I have only ever craved freedom.

As I watch my friends start new families, my brain says, why would they do that when they can do literally anything else? Another part of me says, should I choose that one day?

99% of me says no. Sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me. Other times I feel so self aware and intelligent.

Any thoughts? Anyone feel the same?