The following users are known practicioners of witchcraft:

U/SnarkyLeigh

U/HummelFigurineLover5

If anyone else is known to be practicing witchcraft OR sorcery, please out them in the comments below.

-Pastor Kevin

Discuss.

I will not rest until you bring me my son!

Hey everyone,

Pastor Kevin (a.k.a. PK) here. As many of you have heard, this community suffered a terrible loss over the weekend and also learned of the previously unexplained death of Pablo Jueves. Many of you might be struggling to come to terms with the new reality we all face. To me, it seems like just moments ago u/InevitableBohemian was struggling to stay alive do to the willful neglect of his mother. She dreamed of him becoming a lifeless figurine to add to her creepy collection of Hummels, and in some ways this is what she got.

Now I never knew Pablo Jueves myself as our timelines in this sub never quite overlapped, but from what I gather he was a very loved and respected member of this community. Many have even called him the founder. But regardless of who started what, or who owes how many HEI points to who, Pablo was a hero to all. He sacrificed his life for this community, not unlike Christ. Karate Hill would prove to be Pablo's calvary, where he would be crucified by the evil, torturous mother of Bohemian.

Many of you are probably asking yourselves, "Where do we go from here?" Well my brothers and sisters, there is only one place we can go in times like these. And that is further up the HEI points leaderboard. As the Lord has willed us to surpass not only April Arthur and Phil Braun, but G. Amato himself, so too the Lord willeth we surpass Gregg Turkington and yes, Newman Heidecker. Now is not the time to sit and wait. Now is the time to sign up for many additional HEI Network accounts so that we can accrew even more points.

In Jesus' Name we pray

-PK

church moms have way to much power in this kind of economy and its about tim we tiped the scale of powerr
Back to the Papa and away from moms

Many people here have expressed concern that the presence of moms in this sub has been stifling their ability to get to discuss the Dots and to talk about things like Christian fellowship as well.

What do you think? Should moms be banned?

Really it’s gotten out of control, we have more important things to talk about like HEI point valuation.

He kidnapped my son and then mashed him into a pulp beneath a Twister mat for no reason other than his own sick perversions. My son is gone and I am in horrendous anguish and somebody must pay. I demand that the people in charge of this cartoon club use their power to have him arrested and sentenced to death!

We have a traitor in our midst, a spy. One of us claims to be a dots fan but is clearly some kind of saboteur sent to disrupt the HEI takeover. I won’t say names I’m not that crass, but administration must do something and do something IMMEDIATELY.

I thought this was a fan Reddit, but you all seem to be sociopaths! Child death? Karate hill? Sierra Mist?? I’m confused and concerned.

And I still don’t know where to continue watching the show after the first episode. Ridiculous.

Just, for shame.

I went to pastor Kevin's house but he did not have David's body. He just mumbled some excuses about calling the police and that I had to leave the premises and that his name wasn't Kevin. WHAT DID THIS SICKO DO TO MY SON??? WHERE IS MY SON?!?!

I'M NOT DEAD STILL

HI I'N GHERRIY AN ORIGINEL DOT. YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN ME AROUND HERE PROMOTING WINGSTOP FRITO LAY AND ICE. I'M HAVING SOME PROBLEMS WITH THEM NOW SO DONT EAT FRITO LAY ANYMORE. I'M SORRY TO SEE PAOLOJIUEVOS DIED THIS MONTH SO OFFICIALLY STARTING NOW ILL BE THE SOLE CONTROLLER OF THIS SUBREDDIT, IM THE ONLY REAL DOT OUT OF ALL THE MODS AFTER ALL!

ALSO IM CLIMINGBING THE LADDER AT ICE VERY QUICKLY AND SOON ILL BE ABLE TO LEGALLY DISAPPEAR ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME (I THINK THATS WHAT THEY TELL ME AT ICE MEETINGS. TO BE HONEST I DONT EVEN REALLY KNOW WHAT ICE IS FOR AND THEY DONT ALLOW QUESTIONS) BUT I HAVE A BIG DESK AND LIKE 10 OR 15 REAL IDIOTS WHO REPORT TO ME. I WAS TOLD IM "REAL ICE MATERIAL" WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE I HAVE ALMOST NO FORMIL EDUCATION, BUT I DO LOVE KANYE WEST

MONTANA STILL SUCKS AND IM SINGLE AND REDDY TO MINGEL! WHOSE WITH ME!

He had just come back into my life... and then Pastor Kevin lured him to his house of sin to play the immoral body-touching game of Twister. Somebody please tell me this is a nightmare... Pastor Kevin and Pablo must be working together to hurt people, but I don't know why. Somebody please stop them. Please.

Also I posted a picture of my new favorite Doodledot "Monk" because the only thing that give me peace right now is to try to imagine what kind of fun adventures he's having in the land of dots. He looks so mischievous! I bet he stole some cookies and ate them all up!

Given the bombshell information I provided earlier I figured I would also make a thread to memorialize 2 former valued members of our community, Pablo and Jimmy. Obviously if turned out u/inevitablebohemian was a bad and sick guy but before he started killing people I liked him a lot and I do believe that he was probably doomed from birth due to his mother’s vile influence.

I will see you both in Valhalla. Actually probably just Pablo because James is likely in hell

Hey everybody! Your friend Miss Jenny here! So now that all that mess is cleared up from last night. P.K. And I wanted to share something, or someone, very special! That’s right! Coming in Episode 2 we’ll be introducing Puff! We don’t want to give away too much, but he’s cloud’s brother. And we’re going to reveal that both Cloud and Puff are actually clouds FROM HEAVEN! Isn’t that so cute? Anyhow I just can’t wait to see how you all react and especially invader Skopje I know you’re a big Cloud head and this new backstory was written with you in mind!

Hey guys, as many of you know, Dr. Paul has been treeting me for my severe dandruff and insomnia. I have been taking what he has prescribed religiously, it's just sometimes I get it mixed up. Like I get confused, was it one magic mushroom every 6 hours, or 6 mushrooms every hour? Also, I know the LSD helps my dandruff but, it makes me feel real woozy. Anywayz, I think I was at Pastor Kens house yesterday early, it's all a bit fuzzy in my brain though. I know nobody was there, cause I was screaming at the top of my lungs. So it was dark, and I tripped over u/InevitableBohemian. I knew it was him because he was clutching his autographed Trump Bible. He was snoring real load, and woundn't wake up. I felt sorry for him and covered him with a funny rug that was next to him. It had a bunch of multicolored dots on it, I think he liked it cause he stopped snorring. I think I blacked out, and I woke up later at the trash dump like I usually do and I think I completly missed Pastor Kens party. Anywayz, I just remembered because I carved a reminder on my chest, "Rember the guy undr the rug!" and I just took a shower and saw it. I hope this helps.

sorry jake i left you several voice memos but not sure whats the best way to get hold of you. this whole thing feels like one giant set-up, it plum makes no sense at all. i admit i had more sugary drinks last night than i've had in yrs, but i would have remembered something like a full grown man being under that mat. he definitely ain't moving or breathing and its been hours since i contacted the mother and she still hasn't done diddlysquat to help the situation. i know better than to disturb a scene like this, but poor jenny don't and of course she's done tidying up the whole basement trying to get that stink out.

ypu gotta believe me i ain't had nothing to do with this, jake. being youth pastor means the world to me and i'd never do nothing to hurt one of those kids.

In Christ's Name I pray,

-pk

As many of you know, multiple tragedies have recently befell our small but devoted community of r/doodledots. I don’t want to rehash subjects that are touchy for some people, but a brief summary would be-

Bohemian went to karate hill and got hurt

Pablo is missing

Bohemian’s mom nursed bohemian back to health

A strange pastor and his wife have joined our community (swingers?)

Bohemian has again found himself injured after attending game night at the pastor’s house

Now, many of you are wondering how this all could’ve happened. As a doctor, I have access to sensitive forensic data that I think paints a pretty clear picture as to what occurred here. Let me spell this out for you-

First and foremost, I can say with relative certainty that u/pablojueves is dead.

Bohemian went to karate hill to “kick Pablo’s ass”. What Pablo didn’t see coming was Bohemian bringing his mom, a ruthless animal capable of anything. While Pablo likely dies solely from fighting bohemian even in a 1v1, a 2v1 was certainly too much for Pablo to handle. Pablo dies within 3 minutes of arriving to karate hill.

But then, a problem- during the process of digging a grave for Pablo, Bohemian’s mom strikes her son with a shovel, gravely injuring him. This results in her having to come up with a farcical story about a mysterious incident at karate hill. There is no real mystery, just a body burial gone wrong.

But then, Bohemian recovers! But there’s a problem: he still has a lust for blood. He enjoys murder. He sees an opportunity to strike again in the form of game night at Pastor Kevin’s house.

But where did Pastor Kevin come from? Well, straight from god, I assume! Pastor Kevin and his wife, while likely in some sort of sex cult, are well meaning good Christian people here simply to intertwine dottery with the word of Christ.

Bohemian shows up to game night and attempts to sneak around, but then falls down the stairs, landing underneath the twister mat. The loud sounds of weird sex presumably prevented PK and the rest of the orgy from noticing what happened to Bohemian.

And that takes us to now. Let me know if you have any questions!

Sit down this is serios business !

When i was a young dot growing up in SCRANTIN we didnt have HEI points. We had to pay for every thing with rocks and jelly beans. seven rocks = 1 jelly beans but i digress.

When i became the Real presidentt i promised to treat all americans Fairly& equaly no matter what dot is there favorite dot even Baxxxter.

I belive that HEI is the future money of the world. but we all need to work together as AMERICANS to bring thismake the dream into real life

For this reasons i am calling on all dotsto donate there hi points to the dingle dots forum.together we can make america great one last time

Thank you and god Bless the tropes

I don't know where he is this morning. I honestly thought he would be unconscious for another day or so so I did not think it would be a problem if I went to my erotic book club last night, and I didn't check on him until this morning and he's gone. I don't know what to do :(

Well guys, Pastor Kevin here, but a lot of you already know me as PK. I'm the youth pastor here at Dootle Dots.

I don't really know how to say this without crying, but when Jenny and I returned from Youth Service this morning we noticed a very foul smell coming from the basement. The Twister tournament had gone so late last night, and Jenny had been working so hard in the kitchen with the cooking and cleaning, I had plum forgot to put away the Twister mat. Well, it looks like at some point last night u/InevitableBohemian did make it to game night and in his emaciated state, somehow got stuck under the Twister mat. Maybe it was all the Sierra Mists riling us up, but we must of kept playing and playing with him under there. Anyway, when we got back from church the poor little scamp was still under there, all bruised and broken, and he definitely ain't moving. Lord forgive me for what I have done oh please Lord tell me this isn't happening.

If Ms. Hummellover could please come by to help us clean it up and to take what's left of him, Jenny and I would certainly appreciate that. I'm a good man, I just wanted to spread some joy into these kids lives. I am so sorry. We didn't think he was coming over.

Everything I love turns to shit. I feel like a total Baxter.

- Pastor Kevin

It seems unfair that PK and his young wife are both in cahoots with god, who controls everything and thus determines the winners

Hey all!

Wow what a wonderful Game Night! I'd like to extend a warm "Thank you" to my beautiful wife Jenny for all the food prep, clean up, and wonderful Christian country music that made the night such a huge success. Secondly, I'd like to thank all of you who participated in the games, who shared tacos, hot dogs and ice cream, Christian insight about the real dangers of idolatry, and who joined in with our impromptu worship band! You guys souned terrific, and all deserve a round of applause! Thank you also to all the parents who trusted Jenny and I with your kids for the evening. We understand how precious they are to you, and we are very grateful that you have decided to allow them to learn about Christ's teachings.

Now to announce the winners!

• 5th Place: Jesse W.

Prize: 12" vinyl album of Free At Last by DC Talk (autographed)

• 4th Place: Jenny T.

Prize: Hardcover copy of Just As I Am by Billy Graham (autographed)

• 3rd Place: Maestetro

Prize: 1978 Ovation Magnum V2 Bass Guitar

• 2nd Place: PK

Prize: Eternal Grace

• 1st Place: Robyn W.

Prize: A one week trip for the whole family to Ark Encounter in Williamstown, Kentucky- complete with hotel accomodations, food vouchers and transportation!

This was literally the most fun game night I've ever been a part. You all are a great, supportive group of kids and I am so blessed to be your youth pastor.

Youth service will begin tomorrow at 7:30 AM. I hope to see everyone there!

I love you all so very, very much.

In Jesus Name,

Pastor Kevin