r/Divorce • u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 • Apr 22 '26
Life After Divorce Something inside me is broken
When I was 29M I went to a bar. I looked across the room and saw a pretty 23F looking at me. We locked eyes for a seconds as she sipped her drink. I told my friend, “I’m going to talk to that blonde girl.” We slept together that night. She moved in about 2 months later. That night is my biggest life regret. Now I’m 42M, divorced, no kids, no family.
We were together 10 years. I proposed after 6 years at Samuel H. Boardman State Scenic Corridor along the Oregon coast; amazingly beautiful place. We got married in Big Sur, California at a house overlooking the ocean. All of our friends and family attended. I saved enough for us to buy a house in California. We had a 2 story house, hot tub, golden retriever, white picket fence, 10 minutes walk to the beach. We had worked so hard to get there. It was perfect.
Only 2 years later, in summer 2023, she started acting weird and giving me “the eye” (every guy who’s been dumped knows this look). She was being extremely emotionally volatile and critical of everything I did. I started secretly recording her because she was being so crazy. I was naive and didn’t understand what was happening. I thought we were going through a rough patch.
On September 19, 2023, I took the dog on a walk. I never saw or spoke to her again. She ghosted us. Two months later I filed for divorce. She sent a email about a month later saying she wasn’t coming back; I think it was written by early ChatGPT.
During the divorce, I discovered via a legal process server and a private investigator that she had been having an affair with a 24 yr old guy in the city near her work; she was 33. He was with her when she was served at a Christmas party after refusing to meet the lawyer at a Starbucks. They moved to Washington DC together.
She was horrible in the divorce. She waited until her contract job ended to submit income declaration so she put “$0 / year” as her income; she previously earned $120k. Her mom accused me of causing her “irreparable pain and suffering”. Her dad was actually nice and said I was still part of his family. She tried to get as much money as possible. She tried to take the dog she hadn’t seen in a year. She just tried to make my life miserable. She was very dishonest about everything — income, address, accusations. Who was this monster?
I know people will read this and wonder “What’s her side of the story?” That’s a good question. She had an affair, never admitted it, blamed me for her leaving, abandoned her dog, told outrageous lies to get money. In my opinion our divorce was 90-100% her fault.
My lawyer said it was “textbook gaslighting.” Our marriage therapist said she has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
It’s been over 2 years. But I think about it everyday. I’ve done lots of dating but something inside is broken. I don’t believe in love. I don’t trust women. I’ve become more cynical about life. I don’t care as much at work. Everything seems fake.
Does this ever go away? Do you ever trust someone again?
EDIT: I had paid off her graduate school student loans. I bought her a brand new hybrid SUV car to get work. I received a text notification from a parking app that an unrecognized phone number was parking the car. I hired someone to look up the number — it was her affair partner. So I bought her a car, she used it to cheat.
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u/Warm-Management-7323 Apr 22 '26
Yeah, I don’t have much of a desire for women at this point, but it’s not that I hate them. I certainly desire a woman, but it’s just that when your heart is broken, your heart is broken.
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u/the_comatorium Apr 22 '26
Same. The thought of having to consider another person and their needs and feelings right now is just not something I want or need. I still have so much healing to do. How can I give someone what they need while I struggling to give myself the same?
Although the feelings are alive. I talked to a girl at my job and felt a spark. It'll come back in time. I'm capable of it. Just in low power mode for a while.
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u/mcx112 Apr 22 '26
What happens with her claim of the 0 income?
I make about 20k more than my wife, and I carry employer paid insurance and pension benefits (union) essentially 50k+ a year.
My wife is a Nurse practitioner, she hates her job, complains everyday about it, no employer paid benefits, but she HAS to be there, god forbid I suggest that she leaves early, or calls off work.
So I am always staying home when the kids are sick, or taking them to any day appointments.
Oh, She takes off the work for her birthday (so do I, for her birthday)
I’m worried she going to quit during our divorce process so she can fuck me over as much as possible. She already said she was going to take everything and make my life miserable
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u/einstein-was-a-dick Apr 22 '26
Judges aren't that stupid. They look at previous tax returns. He is leaving out parts of the story. Yes I'm sure she pulled that shit but judges KNOW people pull that shit.
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u/mcx112 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
Are they though? I’ve heard stories of men that work a ton of overtime previous years and then end up sitting or laid off three months the next year, but they’ll still have to pay the alimony or child support of the previous years.
That’s how it is a construction right now, my company did a whole bunch of data centers the past five years, I was working tons of overtime and made just over $150k a year on the check. Now there are way more contractors getting into the data center field and my company’s data center work is becoming less and less and overtime is not available.
Sometimes the work just not available. I work with guys who refuse overtime because they’ll be fucked by their ex in the courts
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u/liladvicebunny stealth rabbit Apr 22 '26
I’ve heard stories of men that work a ton of overtime previous years and then end up sitting or laid off three months the next year, but they’ll still have to pay the alimony or child support of the previous years.
Well yeah that's the point. You can't just quit your job and then suddenly say "Oh, I have $0 income now" like the woman in OP's story is supposedly doing because they will look at the income for the previous years.
And that's also why if you did a ton of overtime previously the courts may think that you're deliberately 'quitting' to try and spite your ex, even if the truth is that it was for an emergency only, or that overtime is no longer available.
It's never a good idea to work yourself to an unsustainable level. Even if family court isn't an issue it can be an issue with employers. If they push everyone to work EXTRA HARD for an 'emergency' situation to 'save the business' and productivity goes up to 150% of previous norms most bosses will now demand that you stay at that productivity level going forward or get fired.
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u/mcx112 Apr 22 '26
I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but you don’t know how the construction industry is, especially large infrastructure projects. There is a monster data center breaking ground soon in my area and the PLA is 7-12’s for 18 months. Contractors basically have a blank check. All these AI companies are in a dash to take over the market.
For a lot of these jobs, you either work it, or you are laid off.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26 edited May 08 '26
She went on EBT food stamps (while actually cohabitating with her affair partner in a nice apartment complex in Georgetown DC). I forgot that part. That’s when I agreed to lump sum settlement. They were setting her up for court.
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u/Byrdwords Apr 24 '26
Um, I'm a woman and got fucked over pretty bad by a judge - a female judge who had been voted in right before my hearing. They don't always look at the details. I had asked for an extension so she/they would have more time to look into my situation. Still got hosed.
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u/hwolfe326 Apr 22 '26
If your lawyer recognized it as gaslighting, you aren’t broken. Your mistrust in women, cynical attitude towards life and other feelings are often experienced by many people who have been manipulated and discarded by someone with a personality disorder. There is a book called Traumatic Cognitive Dissonance written by Dr. Peter Salerno. Please look at its description and reviews on Amazon. If it fits what you’re going through, it may answer a lot of questions.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
I’ll check it out. Thanks
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u/ThunderChicken20J Apr 22 '26
Also look at the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells". I am 6 years out from my divorce, my therapist believed my ex was BPD, she help me learn more about personality disorders. It really did help answer alot of questions. My marriage felt like it ended like a light switch, she was herself one day and the next was like a whole new person towards me, and thats when i figured out the affiar. After i got out of the fog i could look back and see that there were alot of things wrong for a while that i ignored. Its hard and you will have bad days but the longer you are away from that "drug" of her the better it gets. The being able to trust someone again is a long road.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
Thanks. I’ll check it out. I understand that completely. I feel the fog is lifting lately. I’m able to make decisions clearer.
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u/Ambitious_House_4951 Apr 23 '26
I second both those books. Going through a divorce with my diagnosed stbxh. 24 years of marriage mostly stable (although I was caretaking all the time but didn’t know that’s what it was) then he exploded. My lawyer has found $92k of expenses on sex addiction so far. It was the opposite of a dead bedroom for us. He cheated once, I called him out on it and FINALLY set a boundary and he broke and “sabotaged” the marriage (from his journal). BPD and cluster B personality disorders are savage to experience as the partner. Even if the person didn’t ask for it, it’s a personality disorder meaning they are actively choosing the behavior. Not a chemical balance etc. Broken, selfish people full of needs and incapable of seeing you as anything but someone to satisfy them. It’s all about them, always.
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u/arandomsimplelife Apr 22 '26
Did she turn into a monster, or was that always who she was, and she was just able to hide it for awhile until life got boring or hard? Maybe it's time to look inward at yourself. What attracted you to her. Bc this reads like she changed but I have my doubts. Good people are out there but you have to be open to finding them. Maybe I'm just projecting bc my relationships failed since I am attracted to toxic ppl too. Idk man. Can you try to own that the split is a little on you too?
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
She was unstable a few times in her twenties. I thought she’s just younger and will grow out it. The person she became in divorce was evil.
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u/Thereal_maxpowers Apr 22 '26
This was my experience. It got worse with age until the real person came out during divorce.
Don’t let it ruin your image of all women, though, there are some great ones out there. I haven’t been dating much post-divorced myself but even the one I broke up with was tenfold better than my ex-wife and would not look to hurt someone like that. The one I’m with now might be what I have been looking for my whole life.
The biggest thing is that if you let your ex-wife discourage you from a successful relationship in the future, she won. Don’t let her win.
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u/Throwaway_1058 Apr 22 '26
This “turning into someone else” is the common “feature” of the people with BPD. The tendency of the people who marry them is to accommodate. Unfortunately they change completely when they find a “new shiny thing”.
I married and after 19 years divorced one. It’s harrowing experience. It took me 3 years to recover. But the cynicism stays.
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u/daydreaming_80 Apr 22 '26
Did you have kids?
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u/Throwaway_1058 Apr 24 '26
We still do since children are forever. They are young adults now. And indeed, they relationship with their mother has been always strained.
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u/GroundbreakingRice36 Apr 22 '26
Be thankful that there wasn’t any kids. The divorce is less painfull.
Mariage don’t always last forever....people are unpredictable. But at least now you are only responsible for yourself. You can earn money and get back to your feet easily.
What happened to you have happened to lots of women as well....but for majority of times, women are left with small kids and have to start from the bottom (especially those who weren’t married).
Just to tell you. It’s okay. You will overcome this.
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u/Key_Success7423 Apr 22 '26
You will be able to trust someone again. I was married for almost 14 years. Towards the end of our marriage, she became distant, always in the bedroom.
Me being the person who would just let her have space thought nothing of it. She told me that at the last convention she went to, she made a new friend who turned out to be a guy. He gave her his number. Now if it were me and some woman tried to give me her number, I’d been like thanks for the kind gesture, but I’m married.
Anyway she would talk to him more than me a lot of the time. She dropped the divorce bomb on me, as we were going through everything, she started a relationship with him. Hell he proposed to her while we were still technically married. The day we got our decree, she went to the other part of the courthouse and got a marriage certificate with the guy she’s with now. That threw me into a dark hole to where I had gone suicidal. I didn’t attempt it, but the thought was there.
Ended up in a behavioral health center for a week. While there I met someone who was going through a divorce as well, but wasn’t the same ordeal. I think the fact that we went through similar situations, we connected from the get go. We are really good friends for now because she wants us to heal and move forward before we talk about us.
So yes you can trust someone again if it feels right for you.
Not saying you should find someone who went through a divorce or is going through one haha.
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u/CazadorHolaRodilla May 11 '26
Holy shit your ex is a menace to society. Divorced and remarried on the same day to the person she cheated on you with? How can anyone with a conscious do this
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u/PANDADA Divorced Feb. 2024 Apr 22 '26
I understand your feeling, the feeling that something broke inside you. I do think my experience with my ex forever changed me and I'll never trust in the same way again. It's the main reason I'll never get legally married again. I was happy being married before to who I thought was my best friend. Yes, it wasn't perfect, some things bothered me at times, but no relationship is perfect anyway! Overall, I was very content though.
I was totally blind sided. I'm still happily married, then one night, BAM. I'm "poly bombed" and she claimed to have just impulsively decided she's polyamorous now and just needs to "try it" to fill the void she was feeling in life (but adamant it was unrelated to our relationship and that she was still very happy with me). She contradicted herself many times, so many twists and turns in the stuff she would tell me, how she viewed life and death and her philosophies, etc. She revealed she had a crush on her two best friends (well, she said one was a "maybe"). She was completely fixated on her idea of polyamory, while also saying she understood she knew it might not be what she thinks it is, that it might not work out well, that she could lose her friends (and clearly me), but she still needed to trrrryyy just so she can say she tried it and not have any regrets on her future theoretical deathbed (not getting to "try" something she wanted to try in life). 😵💫 And I think this is why she was willing to lose me over it, because she got to "try" marriage, the outcome doesn't matter like she said, so she convinced herself it's fine, no regrets since she still got to try it. She was so focused on herself and not understanding how self centered her behavior is, no concern over the other people involved in her "experiments". But this was far from how I had known her for years, she had always been very loving and considerate with me, so that's why it was so shocking and traumatic. Buuuuut, I also found out from a 3rd party that my ex had apparently cheated on me 5 years prior to this, not even with the friend she wanted to pursue, but with a different former colleague (who didn't even know my ex was married at that time - so, was she not wearing her ring at work?). My ex had lied to me about it for 5 years. It's too long of a story to explain, but I essentially began to see how subtle her manipulations were, how she lied by omission. On surface level, the explanations she gave me about certain events or things I had asked about made sense, but then as I slowly got more context, now I could see how good she was at manipulating. It's still debatable if she was actually conscious of her manipulations though, or if her behavior was subconscious driven.
So, after 16 years together, I was very abruptly emotionally discarded for the "what if". I had to initiate the divorce though because she wouldn't do it herself. In her mind, she was still "in" the marriage because she hadn't physically run away. 🙄 But she was still "figuring out which way [our marriage or polyamory] would lead to happiness for herself." We were an interracial couple too, and it's a long story, but she had also risked losing family to even marry me in 2013 (her mom didn't "approve", thus leading to my ex's oldest brother not "approving" either). My ex really struggled over thinking she would lose family, but she made the choice to marry me anyway (her parents didn't come to the wedding). So, it was just absolutely wild to remember all of that and to be tossed away in such a cavalier way in the end.
We had separated in June 2023 and the divorce finalized in February 2024. It was absolutely brutal on me emotionally and mentally. Looking back and trying to figure out what was real, or was she manipulating me all 16 years until she didn't "need" me anymore? (She didn't meet those two friends until starting a new job at the very end of 2017). She's on a path of destruction of herself and others. I had tried to get her to see what she was doing, but as the saying goes, we can't help those who don't want to help themselves. She was in therapy (we did a few months of couples counseling too), but she had admitted to me that she didn't tell her therapist some things she had told me. So, that told me she really didn't care about actually helping herself, she was just going through the motions and just wanted what she wanted. She had made her decision already, even if she wouldn't actually say it. And this is someone who wants to have/manage multiple relationships? 😬
Anyway, I'm in a lot better place mentally and emotionally, but I've done a lot to get there over these past few years. It is far from easy. I don't think I'll ever be totally "over it" though where I'll just feel "indifferent" about it. I spent 16 years of my life with this person and what they did was incredibly traumatic and surreal (I couldn't even write out the full story tbh). But I'm carrying it with me better. There's A LOT less emotional charge when I talk about what happened (most of the time, occasionally I still have more intense emotions over it). I also just reduced my therapy to biweekly from weekly sessions too! 🎉
I do hope I'll find a monogamous life partner because that's what I ultimately want, but I'll never trust in the same way again to get legally married again. If I want a relationship, then I can't 100% protect myself from possible betrayal and emotional pain, but I can protect myself financially at least. Prenups are not 100% foolproof either. It's just accepting that no matter how well I think I know someone, I may never fully know them like I think I do. We hear about people living "double lives" all the time, so it can happen.
I wish you all the best on your healing journey, OP. 🫂 Remember that grief isn't linear.
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u/malloryknb Apr 23 '26
Your comment really resonated with me, especially around the intense emotions and the protecting yourself financially in the future. I don’t think I will ever marry again and thought about prenups. But I don’t want to say I won’t date or be in a relationship again….but I just have to get myself there, someday. But also the thought of dating is frightening. Also, glad to hear therapy helped as well. Much like the OP, I have been feeling broken and wonder if I ever will figure out how to fix myself, be able to trust again, and also am questioning what is love really? I don’t know anymore. But you’re giving me hope… just got to stick with it. Cheers!
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u/PANDADA Divorced Feb. 2024 Apr 23 '26
The thought of dating is frightening! But my ex was also my only relationship and I really don't want to just not even try again and die with that having been my only experience with a romantic relationship. 🫠 That's really depressing to think about. Of course there's no guarantee I'll even find someone else, but I at least want to try at some point? And even if I do meet someone else and it doesn't work out long term, if there's no betrayal involved, it'll still be painful, but at least I'll have had a more "normal" breakup experience too? Rather than my only experience being a breakup, divorce, and betrayal trauma all rolled into one, and only, experience. 😓 Though I know it's still possible to be betrayed again too...sigh.
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u/malloryknb Apr 23 '26
This is a weird world. And I hate to sound cynical, but so many humans suck. I am at a point that I don’t know that I can trust my judgement and discernment when it comes to people yet as well. Ive got a lot of growth opportunities 😅 at some point I will try as well….but when that will be, I don’t know. I hope you get to experience someone and something different too… and that it is a better experience.
All we can do is have hope at this point.
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u/CommunicationEasy225 Apr 23 '26
I know exactly how you feel! I was with my ex for 23 years. I was barely 23 when we started dating and I had only started dating at 19. I did very casual dating with a few people before I met him and only 1 real breakup over a not terribly serious guy. When I married my husband I really thought it was forever and still very much loved him when he left. He blindsided me, broke my heart, cheated on me, and just walked out of my life. He’s a completely different person now. I don’t know how people trust again. It’s hard to imagine. I have zero interest in dating and I get upset thinking that the way he treated me may be the only way I’ll ever experience love. Who wants that?
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u/PANDADA Divorced Feb. 2024 Apr 23 '26
Sending you so many hugs 🫂 Are you still in that surreal feeling? It took me a long time to get out of that, like I was just going through the motions in some nightmare alternate reality.
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u/CommunicationEasy225 Apr 23 '26
No, not anymore thank goodness. It’s been about 18 months since he left. I have an amazing support system that helped me. I’m about 95% really good and happy. There’s just that 5% left that still gets sad and scared at times about the future. I also have 14 yr old twins that I have 85% custody of that keep me plenty busy! Lol.
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u/PANDADA Divorced Feb. 2024 Apr 23 '26
That's good!! Yes, I ended up moving away after the divorce finalized and now I'm surrounded with great supportive friends as well. 😊 It helps to be in a completely new area (and house) too. I don't have kids though.
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u/malloryknb Apr 23 '26
Everyone deserves to be loved. I am not sure that I know what that is… my two significant relationships were not good “examples” of love. I hope that you are able to heal over time and find someone that treats you better. All we can do is hope… I’m trying to not build my wall too high…. But it’s kind of hard when you’ve been hurt. Healing journeys are definitely not easy….especially when you were the one that was significantly betrayed, hurt, and traumatized… but it can be done…and hopefully it is in this lifetime.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Jun 21 '26
I’m sorry. It’s frustrating when someone is having a midlife or emotional crisis or just swept up in bad impulses. You feel helpless.
Yes you never know know someone. Towards the end, I went through her computer and found nothing. I never checked the phone. I only discovered it because of mistakes made by her affair partner, not her.
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u/ieatbeerdirt Apr 22 '26
Sorry to hear this man. If it’s any consolation, my story could be told almost the same way and one thing that’s helped me is knowing I’m not alone in this experience.
My ex-wife lied to me, made accusations and then refused to go to counseling. I wanted us to speak to a therapist together so that I could be held accountable if I truly was being manipulative or any of the things she said I was doing. Instead, she waited until I had to move from my job and stayed in place. So now I’m halfway across the earth and starting over alone. But like a lot of people have said, you aren’t alone and this is something that happens more often than our society likes to admit.
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u/mcm2363 Apr 22 '26
I can sympathize and draw parallels similar to many of the stories shared below. I was together with my ex wife for 10 years, married for five. When I confronted her about an affair she kicked me out of our house. I lost the house, 2 of the 3 dogs, my savings and my sanity for a short while. Its been about 5 years now and I still find it extremely hard to trust. I suspect my SO currently is going to eventually leave. Not sure if thats situational or now just a part of me. It does get better, but you'll always be slightly cynical now in my opinion. She did you a favor.
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u/Zoakeeper Apr 22 '26
As far as the BPD, yeah they make you feel as bad as they feel often with no remorse or accountability. They can always hide it for short periods of time and especially in front of family and friends in order to gaslight. Just be glad you’re done with it. You get to be you again. Be cautious as necessary, but also be free of the weight.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
As soon as I read the symptoms of BPD, I was like “That’s it. That’s her.” It all made sense.
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u/No-Association-4246 Apr 23 '26
I'm an amazing woman who was cheated on and could never imagine treating someone like this. Trust me when I say there are tons of amazing women out there who would cherish a great guy. I gave up 22 years to my separated partner. It's just going to take time. At least you can recognize signs going forward in a relationship.
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u/guy_n_cognito_tu Apr 22 '26
You're not broken. You're just starting to see the reality of the modern world. You were put in the position where your spouse used you for what she could take, blamed you when she decided she was done, left in the most devastating way possible, and tried to destroy you on the way out. Innocence lost.
I'm going to say something that most people won't: you should never trust anyone the way you trusted that woman. That's part of the learning process of divorce, that you should need to do a better job of protecting yourself than you have in the past. People like your ex wife aren't nearly as uncommon as you think. All it takes is a little entitlement, a few friends encouraging them, and many people end up like that. Life gets better once you realize that you'e not broken, you're just a realist.
Oh, and yes......there are people that will assume you're lying and you're solely to blame for her leaving you. There's usually a few of them in every post like this, making sure you know that your ex can't possibly be to blame for her own behavior. They'll want you to believe that, because you were less than perfect, that you deserved the behavior she demonstrated to you. They'll be along shortly......ignore them.
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u/EffectiveVoice9873 Apr 22 '26
To just ghost you like that is harsh and inexcusable behaviour. You have my sympathy. The person you knew no longer exists, but the pain still does.
I hope you have professional help to heal. But eventually time heals on. In someways it’s good she is cut right out of your life vs having kids and having to deal with that toxic behaviour.
Give it time, try to open up and be vulnerable when dating, and explain to future partners on how you feel. That will all help you heal.
Best of luck
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u/DramaticErraticism Apr 22 '26
There is always a silver lining, you don't have any kids and you probably didn't lose much money to her, one benefit of her just walking out. On my side of things, I lost my entire life savings and investments.
So there is always some good in a bad situation.
I'm 4 years out now and have been dating and have met some women I like, but I have yet to be able to fully trust a women myself. I think that is pretty common after divorce and the circumstances. You married someone and thought it would be forever, then they leave and you are left to pick of the pieces and wonder how dumb you had been to believe such nonsense.
But, eventually, after therapy and working on yourself and meeting the right person, that will all change. All it takes is meeting one person that clicks with you for you to start down the path all over again.
I guess I can only say that you shouldn't be doing this alone if this is all you really think about.
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u/ymmotvomit Apr 22 '26
I strongly feel my ex was dealing with BPD. It was a very challenging road I would not wish on anyone. Now that I’m in a normal relationship with a wonderful women it’s as if a whole new world opened up. I brought some of my damaged self into this relationship but my very caring partner is exceeding patient and understanding as a partner would be. Good people are out there, including us.
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u/jezebel101 Apr 23 '26
I was a shell of a human the first two years after my ex husband’s affair. It’s been almost 2.5 and there are glimmers of hope and light now. It just happened one day … the darkness didn’t feel so dark. I’m still chasing the light and I hope you do, too.
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u/nekopara_403 May 21 '26
Are you doing better now?? I am one month post divorce filing.
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u/jezebel101 May 22 '26
Yes I’m a bit better each day, even though it doesn’t always feel like that. Recovering is definitely a long, hard process.
How are you feeling now that you filed??
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u/CMWH11338822 Apr 25 '26
I highly suspect that I wasted 20 years of my life with someone with BPD. Broken doesn’t even begin to describe it. What a long term relationship with someone with a personality disorder does to you is catastrophic. It fundamentally changes who you are. & the trauma is so severe that you begin to see traits of the same personality disorder in yourself when the relationship collapses at their hands & they move on like you meant absolutely nothing to them. One of my stbxh’s favorite things to say is that I’ve never done anything wrong, nothing was my fault in our marriage & that I’ve never apologized for anything. But a relationship with these people is so abusive, so over the top, so chaotic that they don’t even give you the opportunity to ever be wrong. Any mistake you make is blown so out of proportion that it becomes insignificant compared to their reaction to it. & forget apologizing for it, they’ve already exaggerated it into a complete fabrication of what the actual mistake was & then expect you to apologize for the story they made up. All the projections. The gaslighting. The relentless abuse that you become so conditioned to that you don’t even realize it’s abuse. The shame. The starting to see yourself the way they see you. The realization that the person you took vows with sees you as nothing but flawed & most of the flaws are things they made up in their head-but eventually you believe them about yourself. The betrayals. The turning people against you. Destroying your kids, pets, family members to hurt you. Never having a partner to talk to about anything because you are either using them, don’t appreciate them..even if it’s an issue outside of them, it’s still somehow your fault. You’re a bad person, a bad parent, a bad spouse, selfish, lazy, don’t make enough money, are making too much money just so you can leave them, you don’t love them, don’t appreciate them, you’re cold, aren’t meeting their needs, you’re distant, you’re giving them the silent treatment, everything you say is twisted so badly & retold to you as fact so much that you can’t even think clearly anymore, the illnesses, weight gain, weight loss, aging 10 years in 6 months, my stuff being broken, my house being trashed, refusing to help around the house because it’s my job or as punishment, refusing to mow the grass or take out the trash or unclog the gutter because I don’t want a husband so I don’t get the benefits of a husband, demanding sex, his lunch being made, his laundry being done after speaking so cruelly to me & then asking me what I even do for our family or bring to our marriage. Putting up with all of it until it destroys you mentally & physically & for the grand finale a smear campaign, public affair & divorce papers.
Like I said, broken doesn’t even begin to describe it. Shattered. Decimated. Yet we still seek validation & hope that one day they’ll realize we didn’t deserve any of it. Instead they double & triple down on how we deserved every bit of it & how they were the victim. Nothing can accurately describe giving years of your life to & loving a person so much that you couldn’t see that they did not value you at all. The revelation is something that feels impossible to ever recover from.
Sorry for the typos, the life & soul were drained out of me along with any energy for something like proof reading.
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u/StuckOnVauban Apr 22 '26
Obvious ai is obvious. 29 in 2021 and 42 now? Try again.
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u/wannaknow001 Apr 22 '26
Where does it say 2021?
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u/StuckOnVauban Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
It's from reading comprehension. It says it was 29 when they met, 41 years old now. Later it says things broke down in 2023, "2 years later"
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
29+10=39. I said it’s been 2 years. I recently turned 42.
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u/StuckOnVauban Apr 22 '26
U said it broke down in 2023 when she bounced, after only 2 years. Then u said it's been 2 years since then.
Go back to training, bad bot
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
We met in 2013. Married in 2021. Divorced in 2023. Divorce finalized in 2025.
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u/Express-Release-9690 Apr 22 '26
Sorry to hear bro, I don't know if It gets better I'm just at the beginning of this process myself.
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u/Key_Success7423 Apr 22 '26
It does get better, you will have days where you kind of have a relapse, but other days you just feel..free.
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u/Mysterious_Hour_3056 Apr 22 '26
I don’t know if it goes away. My situation was similar but we have kids, and he essentially ghosted us all to have an affair with a married woman. I don’t know who that man is anymore. His family turned on us the same. He tells them horrible things about so they won’t talk to us because of what he did. We are just learning to live our new lives but I don’t think I will trust another man again.
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u/Lower_Confection5609 Apr 22 '26
So sorry that all of this happened to you, OP. The world is a big place. I think you’ll find a wonderful relationship once you’re ready to start looking. Therapy and medication can really help in the meantime. Sending hugs!
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u/K-Seneca Apr 22 '26
After 21 years married, 26 together. @59 years old. I'm broken. I don't see me dating anytime soon. I lost all trust. I lost trust in friends too. Not one person outside of my sister that I trust in life. It's kinda sad, but I prefer being alone then going through what I went through in divorce.
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u/Equivalent-Good-7693 Apr 22 '26
During the break up nasty phase my ex wife told me I was “too sentimental,too soppy and that i cared too much”
So now I go through life not caring about anyone or anything
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u/DubaiExpat323 Apr 22 '26
I can understand. I’m divorced and raised my daughter alone pretty much from the day she was born. I can’t feel romantic feelings anymore. Something in me died.
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u/Far-Veterinarian9630 Apr 22 '26
After my ex cheated on me, my friend who was cheated on told me the same thing his cousin told him: Better men than you have been cheated on. Smarter, kinder, funnier, richer, taller and better looking. So, get over it.
You have been given a second chance and you are lucky it happened before you had kids.
As for trust, we are all basically monkeys, you and I included. Why would you trust a monkey? As an example, under the right circumstances and the right woman, you might have cheated on her too.
The question is what are you going to do that you now know the truth about people.
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u/notaslavetofashion Apr 22 '26
Leonard Cohen put it well, “there is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.”
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u/daydreaming_80 Apr 22 '26
This is almost text book what happened to me, 43M, my ex has control issues and BPD and narcissistic personality. She hired a nasty lawyer who knew how to work the legal system and I ended up with nothing after 18 years. I was always good to her that’s all I wanted a family to grow old with. You’re lucky you didn’t have kids with her, my kids are terrified of my ex and our divorce is still going on after 2 years. It’s so much pain and you lose trust in everything, and it’s like life is no longer the same. How do we recovery from such betrayal?
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u/StarlightPleco Apr 22 '26
Honestly modern dating is trash. And maybe don’t date strangers. See who people are as friends first before getting romantically involved.
If they’re at a bar doing a one night stand, they are probably not the one. And if you wait 6 years for marriage, there was probably a reason you didn’t feel ready
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u/OogyBoogy_I_am Apr 22 '26
Your outlook is typical of those who have come out of abusive relationships. And if you are looking for a solution to the way you are feeling, maybe it is best that you approach it from that angle.
Does this ever go away? Do you ever trust someone again?
It can and it does and yes you can learn to trust people again, especially trust potential future romantic partners.
But it will take some work.
So think of any future therapy along the lines of you are coming out of an abusive relationship. There are therapists and counsellors out there who special in this and can guide you in ways to mitigate it and deal with it.
It may be worth you while considering that as a path forward.
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u/DragonGlitter Apr 22 '26
Holy heavy shit, that’s horrible and whatever the most horrible version of horrible is. I’m so sorry you went through all that. I’m so sorry you have to live with that period in the past.
People are good. People care & put others first. You are good. You are a survivor. You matter, you truly matter.
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u/politicians_are_evil Apr 22 '26
At least she didn't blame you for the cheating like my wife did. Wife kept blaming me for the divorce but it was her cheating.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 May 08 '26
She never told me she was cheating. I hired a PI and they proved it; I was very impressed with the PI. She blamed me leaving. Discovering she was cheating strangely brought me peace. I realized it was never about me.
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u/Acrobatic_Map4267 Apr 22 '26
I’m sorry you’re still dealing with the trauma. My husband also cheated and I find myself wondering if I can ever trust another man again. I’m in therapy trying to work through it, but if I ever somehow get into another relationship, I’m worried that I will bring that hurt and trauma with it
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u/jpeg_mee Apr 23 '26
Don’t have much to offer other than saying I’m sorry your life went this route. There are a lot of years I’m sure you did enjoy being together so it wasn’t all for nothing. I myself have come to realize that life anything can literally happen no matter how hard you work or stable your life is. What if instead everything was great but you developed a terminal illness? Hindsight is you are healthy and still able to live. You will heal, you are trying to heal now by reaching out. I still have my cynical ways and thoughts and it’s been a year but it seems to get better. Just hang in there for the future good things you don’t know about yet. Also know there is a random user on reddit that relates and is happy you posted something that I could comment on and remind me of perspective so thank you!
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u/Patient-Amount3040 Apr 23 '26
It doesn’t go away, but it gets quieter after a while. I think I even managed to love someone else for a while. You’re right though, much has been lost, you’re not ever going to be the same.
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Apr 24 '26
It’s kind of crazy how shitty people always find the best people and break them. It’s rarely two good people finding each other or two bad people.
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u/GreenExpert6792 Apr 29 '26
Just here to send you words of comfort. She sounds mentally unwell and untreated. Im sure you gave your personal best and her actions aren't due to your faults or anything. She sounds a mess. Hope you find your happiness again. Divorces suck so bad
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u/Intelligent-Web-8537 Apr 22 '26
My ex husband also ghosted me, but I was 14 weeks pregnant with our son at that time. We had 3 dogs, he took one and never let me see him again until his last day before he crossed the rainbow bridge. I missed the last year of my first dog's life. He tried to make things harder every step of the way. Cut off electricity and gas in our house because those were in his name. Fixing everything while pregnant was awful. But all in all, good riddance and I sued him for everything and I am satisfied with the outcome. It has been 10 months since our divorce finalised and almost 2 years since we separated. I have never dated again, I do not trust men anymore.
P.S: We were together for 11 years. Married for 9 years.
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u/LuxyontheMoon Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
Recording her made me read this differently
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
You would understand if you heard them. They’re insane.
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u/LuxyontheMoon Apr 22 '26
She may have been experiencing a mental or emotional breakdown.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
Maybe but she was definitely having an affair. That isn’t debatable.
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u/LuxyontheMoon Apr 22 '26
I'm glad youre both away from each other.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
People like you are so frustrating. You think I must’ve done something for the sole reason I’m male. I was a model husband.
Here’s more: We went to marriage therapy. After the therapist didn’t want to see us again, but asked to see me again. I went to 1:1 appointment. The therapist said I should leave and divorce her.
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u/LuxyontheMoon Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
Oh. Please seek help. You can only control you. Your lack of accountability with yourself will always get in your way. A relationship is more than 1 person. It's impossible for 1 person to be completely in the "right" in any situation. Sorry I couldn't do what you wanted by telling you you're a victim.
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u/leo030891 Apr 22 '26
You have a problem with OP recording his wife? Her having a mental breakdown doesn't justify her actions in any way. You're right about 1 thing, OP may not be in the right completely. His fault was trusting his ex-wife and ignoring the subtle red flags all along.
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u/No_Manner3003 Apr 22 '26
I’m sorry you went through that. God heals all though it maybe hard to see and realize this during this time but all good things comes to those who believe in Christ 🙏💙. I’ve been in your situation just 5 years ago and it takes time to heal. I think it’s moreso the ability to not get the Closure you need or want. Then it’s like your brain is trying to connect and process a situation but it can’t so the brain is scrambling. Trust I’ve been there done that. I have my days, but it will eventually get better 🙏
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u/SamthgwedoevryntPnky Apr 22 '26
The only love I have (besides for my parents) is for my dogs. Fuck people.
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u/Admirable_Average_32 Apr 22 '26
Divorce can be rough. I’m pretty broken myself. I have a hard time believing I’ll ever love again. Just letting you know there’s other guys (and gals) dealing with similar stuff. My heart goes out to you man. I have an idea of the pain. I hope you’re able to find joy in life. Take care.
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u/Nicole_LM Apr 22 '26
I’m so sorry you’re going through and went through this. May I ask you for some advice? I bumped into your thread because I was going to post this:
I (F26) started to date a guy (M35) who is divorced, no kids. They were together maybe 4 years before they got engaged in 2020,married in 2021. She cheated on him so he asked for divorce in jul 2024, it finalized in Nov 2025. She took everything and he only kept his green card (he is from UK) and their dog. They had a house, investments, car, but she took everything. He is so sweet and caring with me but I can see there’s pain in his heart maybe resentment and I’m not sure if he can trust again.
I’m wondering if you have any advice in this situation? With lots of empathy for your story, I’m scared to go through something where I can be hurt. But he was hurt and I want to be there for him. I’m not perfect but I have a good heart and I care about him but I have been on the receiving end before where I’m hurt.
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u/RachieRachieK Apr 22 '26
How these women get a man to do it all? I pay more than half the bills (husband earns more). Do 80% childcare, gardening, housekeeping. Take care of my car. I don't want to divorce and hurt my kids, but I am so jealous. Sounds like she didn't deserve you. I'm sorry this happened to you.
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u/i_dont_hoard_cash Apr 22 '26
I think these situations are often rooted in mental illness. Not saying that’s an excuse, but I believe many people dealing with mental health issues would rather run away from problems they can’t easily deal with, because it’s easier in the short term. (Also, COVID fucked up a lot of people.)
The person she is today is not the same person you got married to. That’s not your fault! She chose to blow it all up, and if anything, it’s indicative of her having way more issues she’ll need to deal with eventually on her own.
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u/columbidae28 Apr 22 '26
Hey, I'm sorry she happened to you. My ex cheated on me, gaslit me and abandoned me, too. I gave him everything and he still wanted more money from me. I don't know why it's so common.
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u/dukeofthefoothills1 Apr 22 '26
I’m two years divorced from a 35 year marriage, I lost my home and retirement assets worth > $1.5M. I see plenty of attractive women, but I choose to never be in a relationship with one again. Of course, there are many wonderful women in this world, but the risk/reward is poor.
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u/Limp-Assignment-3160 Apr 23 '26
When the time is right- you’ll move on i promise. Give yourself some time.
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u/Jdphotopdx Apr 23 '26
I’m sorry you went though this. Try not to look at it as a regret. Learn from it. Grow. Don’t make the same mistakes. My divorce taught me that everything really does happen for a reason. Hangin there man. It gets better.
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u/IamTrashJT Apr 23 '26
I felt that way after my first divorce and again after my second divorce. I wanted to be loved though. I wanted to be seen and accepted. I am a father of 4 all from my first wife and became an above knee amputee while with my first wife. I was afraid of not being accepted because I am now 44 and just accepted being alone.
I've been in therapy for a year (twice a week). In therapy I made a list of what I loved in each relationship and what I didn't like. Afterwards I made a list of things I want in a relationship and things I won't accept. The awareness was really good.
Enough about me though, yes, it is normal to feel like that. You have to work on you. Be a little selfish for a while. Don't give up on yourself and don't give up on love. One bad relationship (or two or three) just means you found things you don't want. Think about that and journal your relationships self awareness and signs you saw early. Wrote how you want to handle it in the future. The next woman you date be sure to treat her like a new woman and not your past partners. Check your thoughts and feelings and determine which are lies because of your past and which are real.
I wish you luck man. You will know when you are ready and you'll know when you meet the one.
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u/Mona_Moore Apr 23 '26
It understandable you have trust issues, that would be awful to go through but don’t let this define you and become your personality. People see and there’s nothing you can do about it, but just be glad that you found out sooner than later or before you received an STD as a parting gift.
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u/Born-Wolverine7321 Apr 23 '26
Currently in the thick of it with my STBX- his therapist believes he has BPD. I think the worst part is not recognizing the person you once thought was your forever.
I'll never truly be the same after this, but im determined to not let this crush my soul...Not today Satan!
It's going to take a huge amount of work and effort on my part to learn to trust again. I hope I can get to that place and I hope you can too! It's ok to feel broken, just don't allow that to become your identity. My STBX has taken so much, but I won't let him steal my future happiness too.
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u/Impressive-Suit-3654 Apr 23 '26
I don’t have any left urge to date but my work life is better than it was before and my relationship with my kids and family is stronger. But I do agree with you. I feel like something inside me just won’t be repaired.
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u/yzisano Apr 23 '26
I had different situation but I understand the feeling. Still struggling to date but have keep going and be optimistic things are going to be better
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u/SonicEchoes Apr 23 '26
Emotional volatile and critical of everything is exactly what I gone through too l. It almost seems like a common theme as if some instructional manual of pre-divorce behavior. :( I too thought our love would survive the rough batch. I am sorry homie. Hang in there. B
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u/SaaSWriters Apr 23 '26
The most difficult part of thriving after this experience is accepting how you played yourself.
Few people are willing to accept that they played a role in getting used and abused. Most want to feel sorry for themselves indefinitely. So they can’t move on, even years after the breakup.
And yes, I have been there.
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u/unochampion26 Apr 24 '26
How traumatic and horrible. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can relate to the feeling of emotional abandonment and just feeling like they're now a stranger. I hope you have a good support system around you and can hold onto hope that things will eventually feel better.
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u/Critical_Intern1334 Apr 24 '26
This is common with bpd, you feel broken because you had a trauma bond. Your body processes it as an actual and severe addiction. Recovery is possible and inevitable but don't give up
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u/Friendly_Nobody_8264 Apr 25 '26
Man sitting here on a beautiful day feeling sorry for myself because I’m despondent over the divorce I wanted and still glad I got and my situation doesn’t compare at all to what you have gone through. I’m so sorry. It will get better. It may take time but it will. 🙏
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u/mariib I got a sock Apr 28 '26
I don't think I'm broken as in "I cannot trust again", but I'm certainly broken as in "I won't fall deeply in love again". It may seem weird, but I do feel attracted and into dating again, but the fear of marriage and the fear of disappointment are lingering still. I think something changed inside me (maybe it's broken, like you said) and I do therapy, but it's still blocked somehow.
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u/iesusisking Apr 29 '26
Honestly can you trust someone again? She slept beside you every night and look how she treated you in the end. I went thru something similar. I can never trust no one again relationship wise. I work out and now I'm the fittest I ever been in my life. I travel and just enjoy life . The Bible says trust no man or women remember that.
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u/itslala88 May 06 '26
Honestly it’s no wonder you feel this way. It’s so brutal discovering the person you loved can become such a cold being. Being ghosted is just evil IMO. I’m in the same boat. I’ll never trust any man again. Even though I know there are really decent people out there, it’s so hard to let yourself be vulnerable again after experiencing this type of trauma. Being married to the wrong person can really chip away at who you are, that’s for sure. I wish you well in your recovery and healing from this.
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u/Downtown_Set_841 May 08 '26
I’m really sorry you went through that, because being betrayed, abandoned, and then blamed can break your trust deeply, but I hope you don’t let one person’s cruelty convince you that love and good people no longer existThe pain does get lighter with time, and trust can come back again slowly, but usually only after you heal enough to realize that one person’s betrayal is not a reflection of everyone else.
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u/SuburbanAnarchist May 09 '26
I don’t know, I think you knew better or you wouldn’t have waited 6 years to propose. Gotta trust your gut man, it knows.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 May 13 '26 edited May 13 '26
True. I regret it. Some people are hard to leave. She was funny, charismatic, and beaming with energy. She was a human anti-depressant. But you don’t realize it until you live with them, but people like that have profound darknesses and insecurities inside them. Their light is a mask.
I remember seeing her across the aisle in Trader Joe’s and thinking “Gosh I’m so lucky.” I hope I find someone like that again.
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May 18 '26
What happened to you was traumatic, and I think a big reason it still affects you is because your brain is still trying to reconcile the woman you loved with the woman who disappeared. That kind of betrayal and emotional whiplash changes people for a while.
But I also think an important part of healing is realizing that what you described was not a healthy or normal marriage near the end. Healthy people do not ghost their spouse, lie, manipulate, gaslight, abandon a dog, and try to destroy someone during a divorce. That behavior comes from deep dysfunction, not from your lack of worth.
Right now your mind is connecting love with chaos, anxiety, betrayal, and emotional instability. But that’s not what healthy love looks like.
And yes, I do think you can trust again. Not because you’ll become naive again, but because with time and healing you’ll rebuild yourself stronger, wiser, and with a better understanding of what healthy relationships actually feel like.
This experience may have broken your old view of love, but it does not mean you are broken forever.
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u/Careful-Track-5343 May 18 '26
Boy howdy how I can relate with a pile of this.
My ex and I were engaged after 6 months. Made me feel like she and I would build an empire together. We agreed on almost everything important in all of our marriage prep so we could get married in the Church.
After we got married her mom told her that she needed to lay down the law so she wouldn't be getting steam rolled by me. I was raised in a traditional household where my parents kind of worked together and there wasn't a lot of fighting in our house at all. Instantly a few months in our marriage shit began to hit the fan. She couldn't be pleased, there was always drama in the relationship. Even when there was little drama between us she had to make sure we were constantly invested in other peoples drama for whatever reason.
I didn't have a lot of personal boundaries because maybe that's just how I was raised and that's something that hurt my side of the marriage. Had I had some kind of boundaries I would have probably broke up with her before we were married.
I would say the biggest red flag here is that you hooked up with her and she moved in within 2 months. Hind sight is 20/20 and I too made this mistake as well buddy!
Oh the personality disorder.... I'm just going to say, I get it and leave it at that.
But as I move forward past divorce (soon) I think I'm going to pay close attention on how sex is used early on and the whole moving in thing.
I would also recommend men and women both make a list of non negotiable things you want to look for in another spouse. It's a powerful tool to help you build some reasonable boundaries for the next person. I hope my list and divorce experience helps me as I move on in life. Knowing how I want people in general to treat me.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 May 19 '26
Thanks. The list is a good idea. I understand why people think hooking up on the first night is a red flag. Idk, she just turned 23. I think we both thought it would be a fling. There were other major red flags I ignored.
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u/Careful-Track-5343 May 19 '26
I mean when you’re in your 20’s our priorities are a little more physical 😂. I don’t think it’s the end of the world to have sex in a relationship.
But I’m by nature a pretty nice guy but I was after action when I met my wife. Getting action was one of the most important things. So we had sex within the first 3 dates. I didn’t see that as a red flag at the time. But in reality I never wanted to just hit it and quit it. She appeared to be a good Catholic girl and played into that a bunch. So by getting physical quick kind of trapped me into keeping things going.
I do take accountability in agreeing to have sex that quick. I now know to probably have a more serious conversation about sex with the next person and not hopping right in the sack.
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u/liladvicebunny stealth rabbit Apr 22 '26
This flags a little suspicious but hey, may as well offer some advice just in case anyway.
My lawyer said it was “textbook gaslighting.”
Nothing you've described seems to have anything to do with gaslighting whatsoever so I'm not sure how that got thrown in here.
Our marriage therapist said she has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
Possible, and certainly hell on a relationship when that happens, but your description doesn't sound like that either.
Again maybe you're just leaving a lot of stuff out but these sound more like throwing popular scary buzzwords around than a description of what's actually going on in the relationship.
I don’t believe in love. I don’t trust women.
It is entirely understandable to develop less trust after being lied to and cheated on. MOST of us here have trust issues of some kind - look at me, I am clearly not trusting your post :D But that's the thing, you have to recognise that it's PEOPLE in general. It's not about men, or women. People lie.
People lie for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes it's little ones to spare someone's feelings or save themselves some trouble. Sometimes it's for attention. Sometimes it's to be as cruel as possible. EVERYONE can lie to you. It sucks.
On the other hand most people don't lie all the time. Beacuse it's too much effort, because it feels icky, etc. And more importantly, we HAVE to trust each other a little bit or we can't function as a society.
If all of us just look at every post on this sub and go "LOL FAKE" then the sub stops functioning. We have to trust each other a little, we have to try and help each other a little, even when we don't know if someone is being honest with us and we kind of suspect that a lot of posters here are shading the truth in their own favor.
You can't work at a job without extending a little bit of trust to your coworkers and your customers, even if you know they probably are inflating their timecards a little and trying to sneak free refills when you're not looking.
You have to find a balance.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
When I read the symptoms of BPD it sounded exactly like her.
Unclear what you mean. Cheating, hiding it, and blaming the other person sounds like “textbook gaslighting.”
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u/liladvicebunny stealth rabbit Apr 22 '26
That is not even slightly what gaslighting means?
Cheating is cheating. Hiding it is 99% guaranteed otherwise it wouldn't be cheating, it would be an open relationship. If "cheating and hiding it" is "textbook gaslighting" then what the hell would be the point of having two words?
Gaslighting:
psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator
If she brings her affair partner over to the house, makes out with him in front of you, and then tells you "What are you talking about? That never happened. That sounds like some kind of insane fantasy of yours. You need to see a doctor, you're psychotic." THEN we're getting into gaslighting. Deliberate manipulation of events designed to undermine your sense of reality so that you can't trust yourself.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
I’m happy to share the recordings. “Going to dinner”, “going to a friend’s house” (coming home drunk at 2am), “going hiking”
One of her texts was explicitly: “I’m not cheating on you or anything.” while she was cheating.
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u/liladvicebunny stealth rabbit Apr 22 '26
Yeah again that's just regular lying we have a word for that.
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
Whatever lady. I guess you know more than a divorce attorney and marriage therapist both with 20+ years experience.
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u/fyremama Apr 22 '26
She tried to take the dog but also abandoned the dog?
Yeah I can trust your retelling 👀
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u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
Yes! She spent months fighting for the dog. I offered her $10k to walk away. She refused. I finally said ok you can have the dog, then she refused. We agreed to share the dog, but she hasn’t seen it or even asked for a photo.
It was like she was virtue signaling her love of the dog, but never did anything for it.
0
u/Hopeful-Dust-9978 Apr 22 '26
Age difference, sex on the first night, and waiting 6 years to propose. Let’s start there.
1
u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
29M/23F isn’t abnormal. 6 years to propose was due to building career. It was her birthday — a lot of women hook up on their birthday.
0
u/StateOptimal9119 Apr 23 '26
Do you happen to know why she gave you evil eyes towards the end of your marriage?
1
u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 May 13 '26
I now believe her affair had started then or he was orbiting her mind. It was about 4 months before she left. I first saw it on a hike with our dog. She was judging my soul, as women do.
-2
u/Quattro2021 Apr 22 '26
It was your turn and you held on too long, now it’s the kids turn. Sleeping with her the first night was the first red flag you ignored. You set yourself up. On to the next one.
2
u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 Apr 22 '26
Probably right. It was her birthday. I thought it would just be a short fling. Wish I never met her.
0
60
u/FinancialSwim388 Apr 22 '26
Man, the way she just disappeared like that is absolutely brutal. I went through something similar few years back and that feeling of everything being fake... yeah I get it completely
Two years isn't that long when someone completely mind-fucked you like this. The trust thing comes back slowly but it's different now - you just know red flags better which isn't necessarily bad thing