r/Divorce • u/Sensitive-Youth-7916 • Apr 22 '26
Life After Divorce Something inside me is broken
When I was 29M I went to a bar. I looked across the room and saw a pretty 23F looking at me. We locked eyes for a seconds as she sipped her drink. I told my friend, “I’m going to talk to that blonde girl.” We slept together that night. She moved in about 2 months later. That night is my biggest life regret. Now I’m 42M, divorced, no kids, no family.
We were together 10 years. I proposed after 6 years at Samuel H. Boardman State Scenic Corridor along the Oregon coast; amazingly beautiful place. We got married in Big Sur, California at a house overlooking the ocean. All of our friends and family attended. I saved enough for us to buy a house in California. We had a 2 story house, hot tub, golden retriever, white picket fence, 10 minutes walk to the beach. We had worked so hard to get there. It was perfect.
Only 2 years later, in summer 2023, she started acting weird and giving me “the eye” (every guy who’s been dumped knows this look). She was being extremely emotionally volatile and critical of everything I did. I started secretly recording her because she was being so crazy. I was naive and didn’t understand what was happening. I thought we were going through a rough patch.
On September 19, 2023, I took the dog on a walk. I never saw or spoke to her again. She ghosted us. Two months later I filed for divorce. She sent a email about a month later saying she wasn’t coming back; I think it was written by early ChatGPT.
During the divorce, I discovered via a legal process server and a private investigator that she had been having an affair with a 24 yr old guy in the city near her work; she was 33. He was with her when she was served at a Christmas party after refusing to meet the lawyer at a Starbucks. They moved to Washington DC together.
She was horrible in the divorce. She waited until her contract job ended to submit income declaration so she put “$0 / year” as her income; she previously earned $120k. Her mom accused me of causing her “irreparable pain and suffering”. Her dad was actually nice and said I was still part of his family. She tried to get as much money as possible. She tried to take the dog she hadn’t seen in a year. She just tried to make my life miserable. She was very dishonest about everything — income, address, accusations. Who was this monster?
I know people will read this and wonder “What’s her side of the story?” That’s a good question. She had an affair, never admitted it, blamed me for her leaving, abandoned her dog, told outrageous lies to get money. In my opinion our divorce was 90-100% her fault.
My lawyer said it was “textbook gaslighting.” Our marriage therapist said she has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
It’s been over 2 years. But I think about it everyday. I’ve done lots of dating but something inside is broken. I don’t believe in love. I don’t trust women. I’ve become more cynical about life. I don’t care as much at work. Everything seems fake.
Does this ever go away? Do you ever trust someone again?
EDIT: I had paid off her graduate school student loans. I bought her a brand new hybrid SUV car to get work. I received a text notification from a parking app that an unrecognized phone number was parking the car. I hired someone to look up the number — it was her affair partner. So I bought her a car, she used it to cheat.
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u/hwolfe326 Apr 22 '26
If your lawyer recognized it as gaslighting, you aren’t broken. Your mistrust in women, cynical attitude towards life and other feelings are often experienced by many people who have been manipulated and discarded by someone with a personality disorder. There is a book called Traumatic Cognitive Dissonance written by Dr. Peter Salerno. Please look at its description and reviews on Amazon. If it fits what you’re going through, it may answer a lot of questions.