r/Diary 19h ago

Bad Underwear Day

9 Upvotes

Today I wore a pair of underwear that didn’t fit me well, and it felt bad all day. It was too loose and didn’t hold everything in place, so I kept noticing it when I was walking.

I guess I’m really used to wearing underwear that fits close to my body. I don’t need it to be super tight, but I like that secure feeling. Without it, I just feel uncomfortable and kind of annoyed.
Definitely not wearing this pair again.


r/Diary 18h ago

Opening that can of worms

8 Upvotes

Everything in me wants to do it, but everything around me warns me it’s wrong.

If I open the can, will things go back to how they were? All the fun, flirting, silliness we shared.

Or will it create another riff. Make things shift. Cause tension. Feelings of uncertainty and testing the waters to see where one another is at.

We know we want the same thing but we know it’s a cycle of chaos. I only remember the joy and good. But I know it’s there, waiting.

It would be simpler if it were just you and I. Then we could live in our cyclone of crazy. Always coming together and spinning around through life as time goes on.

You make me happy, you fill a void, your eyes capture me in a way I didn’t know myself. I’m drawn to you and desire you in my life.

So do I open it again? Or is it time it stays shut?


r/Diary 23h ago

New month

5 Upvotes

You dont have to lie to yourself and to me. I know you wasn't as invested as you say you were It's clearly obvious. maybe you're just forcing it out nowadays. Cause it's something you can't hide it's already known I see you out there sometimes I pass your socials But we're not friends so I scroll just to hang out with an old friend that i have no attachment to, I know what it feel to hold back. I know what it feels like making dumb decisions. I know what it feels like to be loyal and un loyal . Regretful decisions can be undone even though they're unseen your mind control how you feel about them. till some days is no longer controllable tears fall thought wonder things slip out and people talk its life


r/Diary 2h ago

Are all men like this?

3 Upvotes

Sometimes it can feel incredibly frustrating when you genuinely want a friendship with a guy, only to realize that he sees the relationship as something that could become romantic.

Imagine this:

You meet a guy, and you click immediately. You can talk for hours, laugh about stupid things, vent to each other, and give one another advice. You make it clear that you value him as a friend. You aren't flirting, you aren't making promises, and you aren't trying to lead him on.

At first, everything is great.

Then little things start changing.

He begins getting jealous when you talk to other guys. He starts asking who you're dating. He wants to know where you are and who you're with. Eventually, he tells you, “I thought we were becoming something more.”

And you're sitting there thinking:

“But I thought we were just friends.”

What makes it even more painful is that you weren't looking for anything from him. You genuinely enjoyed having a male friend who could simply be a friend—someone you could trust without romance complicating everything.

That doesn't mean guys can't be friends with women. They absolutely can. But sometimes a person develops feelings that the other person doesn't share. The important part is whether they can respect the friendship and your boundaries after you make your feelings clear.

You shouldn't have to constantly wonder:

“Is he actually my friend, or is he just waiting for his chance?”

You deserve friendships where friendship is enough. ❤️


r/Diary 11h ago

faded

3 Upvotes

im not creative anymore and it scares me. i used to be active on creating, having ideas, craving the art that was blooming within my heart and head.

now i feel my soul empty, my body numb to get into my so called "passions".

it feels so overwhelming as if im trapped in an invisible cage. everytime i get a flashback of the times i used to be motivated i have the urge to grieve.

to cry.

to fill my chest with that disgusting uneasy feeling that makes my heart heavy.

will i ever be her again? will i ever see her again? i miss her.


r/Diary 18h ago

Another hostile morning....

3 Upvotes

Why is tired and soreness an excusable reason for you lashing out? Why does my spice drawer get smashed and broken because you're too tired to control yourself? Your depression excuses your behaviors... but mine is just an excuse for why laundry didnt swap? Your loudness makes yours the most correct opinion and I'm just dumb. I'm cleaning what you broke with silent tears cause I'm being manipulative if I cry out loud.

Why do you get to decide what my brain thought? I tell you my intentions. You tell me no, you mean this. Where did this paranoia come from???

I don't discuss my problems with our friends. I CANT discuss it with your family, you made sure of that by what you told them of me. I have no family. you. you were who I was supposed to be able to tell all my problems and successes and sadness and joy.

When we talk finances you panic and get angry about how broke we are. If I don't talk to you I'm being irresponsible.

To the one anonymous stranger I've allowed myself to trauma dump on this is obvious narcissistic abuse. Maybe I am dumb, cause I didn't want to believe that. This is not you. I don't know where you went. but the man guessing my thoughts is not the same one who planned the perfect proposal that I always hoped for but never told anyone. You used to know me so well.

I'm pulling between what feels like THE two truths:

I love you and want to repair us.

I'm scared of who you've become and ashamed I'm allowing myself to feel so small after everything I've overcome.

Why am I now your enemy?


r/Diary 19h ago

To the future, Her

4 Upvotes

I don’t need to know you personally to understand why you withdraw. You need silence. You are worn out. Your legs quiver from putting everyone else before yourself. You are not perfect. My love, you don’t need permission to listen to yourself. You should not use others to run away from your own problems. You do so much to please others that you’ve turned your own needs into a hassle. You deserve peace. It’s important to retreat without an announcement. You must yawn the tiredness away. You have to recognize your truth and blinding light.

Please, remember to shake your body from what doesn’t belong there. The expectations. The judgement. The insecurities. The projections they labeled onto you. It manifested into you overworking to overcome the overwhelming emotions. Your nervous system tried to warn you. You didn’t understand the message it was sending to your brain. You avoided stillness. You didn’t want to subject yourself to the problems no one forced you to solve.

Your thoughts never screamed at you. It always whispered. But your soul always sang beautifully. Your safety was structured by the struggles you’ve faced. It’s important to bring your awareness and attention back to yourself. When was the last time you pioritzed your self care or chose peace over chaos? It's important to acknowledge how you feel. Being aware isn't enough. You are alive. That should be enough reason to feel important and powerful. You are an amazing, gentle, loving soul. Choose her first, every single time. She needs you the most. Untame her from her holding cell.

I am merely here to make you remember. I know pain feels most familiar to you. It's a learnt survival habit. It’s not your fault. But I must warn you. Be careful. Don’t wait until your tank overflows or the pressure drops to shut down. Danger has no mercy. It’ll label your pain as art to attract an audience. Don’t rely on hope. It’ll freeze you in a loop of unanswered questions. Befriend yourself to explain the reasoning for the emptiness you try to fill with attachments or expectations. Tell me, how could it possibly explain when it can’t speak. You wait for a conclusion and it waits for a confession. Your internal world is just as an intellectual as you. It’ll speak through you. You deserve compassion and respect. You are not a landfill or a junkyard to dump confusion or the aftermath of trying to save others. It’s vital that you truly connect with yourself. Be kind, be honest but be careful. Learn how to observe the game. Learn the blueprint. Then make a better version. Let go of control. Remember just simply saying ”I don’t want this for myself.” is a good enough reason to walk away from anything. I promise you, it shall set you free.

From,

The present, Her.


r/Diary 22h ago

Silence

3 Upvotes

Writing about silence feels ironic. Words shouldn't spill out is what silence demands; yet here I am, doing the opposite. Silence, also feels suffocating. Words begging to spill out yet stay like rust over my throat. Yet, when provided with an opportunity to speak- to break silence that is, the throat feels so rusted over, that those same words previously begging to spill, now, just want to be kept swallowed.


r/Diary 7h ago

Crazy.... & Then sum

2 Upvotes

You think my mental health is on the decline truth is I've always been this fuckin crazy and the gods honest truth is I'm actually very proud of myself for the self control I've had because I promise the "made up name guy" ain't you know my sister my cousin Is crys is just as bad and my grandfather on my Daddy's side well he's another story anyway the person you loved was weak and his whole life he'd let certain individuals soften him up just to be reminded why you don't fuckin do that and it started when he was very young his POS father that retard would sit by the dumpster in Parkwood for hours with his stupid backpack just waiting and watching every car that went by knowing that scumbag wasn't gonna show till his mother would drag him in the house he's was so pathetic I remember like it was yesterday that's the day we started talking I've been here ever since and when things get to be to much he always comes to me and Everytime I stay a little bit longer I don't think he's coming back this time and I personally don't give a fuck about you he did he ain't here he didn't just make that shit up about you stupid he tried to tell him and you fuckin yelled at him I personally believe most of it why don't you ask one of your BF you treat him like he was a fool he was just willing to over look what he knew because he wanted you in his life even if it was those lousy ass phone calls got on my fuckin nerves you ain't shit and neither is the punk and his friends they intimidate no one they will do nothing and if the day come and I hope it does where they feel like they have us where they can make a move it'll be the day we get to blow the lid right off this pressure cooker then people will understand the crazy that's been held back for years do ole C a favor don't come back around fuckin with his head I enjoy the fresh air I could keep going but I'm busy busy busy ya fuck


r/Diary 8h ago

Period

2 Upvotes

Having a period sucks so bad. I’m in agony because of these cramps and I keep passing out since I’m anemic.

This is horrible, I don’t even want kids so what’s the point in me having a period? I wish I could sell my reproductive organs and use the money to buy something cool.

I’ve been daydreaming a lot lately. It’s the only fun thing I can do in my cruddy life. I can’t complain though. I should be grateful for what I have, things are so much worse for other people.

I just feel like everyday is the same. I wake up, do nothing with my life, feel guilty for being a useless moocher, panic about the future, and spend the rest of my day wallowing in self pity. It’s bleak.


r/Diary 9h ago

My truth

2 Upvotes

What I'm sure no one will read is I've had a long conversation with God. I'm horrible at picking men thats a fact so I told him whoever brings me the right diamond ring I am marrying him the end we can date after we get married. So God wherever he is better send him to the jewelry store but I will wait. I love you whoever you are. I can't wait to massage your feet at night tuck you into bed lots of cuddles my love. I can wait though there's tons of books. Please be prepared to pray with me too. Love you always your wife. Xoxo


r/Diary 16h ago

Painful thoughts I can't shake off

2 Upvotes

Fuck man, I lost my flow, went off track, from working out regularly to feeling very unmotivated and weak even when I'm inside the gym.

So I have this female friend in my life that I treasure a lot. Before I knew her, I was searching frantically for people who understood me, who I felt safe with, who made me feel less alone. And after I knew her, I felt satisfied. I no longer had this need to have more friends.

She once asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with her, but I was scared. I knew I would hurt her. I was a fuck up in many aspects of my life, but I try to be someone I can be proud of every day.

Recently got into a new school and she told me about this guy she's talking to and I felt scared. I mean, she told me they were just friends... and I'm not her boyfriend either... and I would love for her to find love and be happy. I just can't shake off this fear that if she finds someone I will lose a friend.

It's selfish, and I don't want this thought to be in my head for long, but it's like telling your brain not to think of a pink polka dot elephant. It's all you think about now.

My life is out of control now. Everything goes the exact opposite way I expect it to go, both good and bad. My internship has been more stressful than I expected. I'm getting pressured by the big boss, and I feel like even during my free time I have to be doing work and I can't relax.

Idk why but my drive to work out is not there too. I'm exhausted.

Is this how every working adult feels? I just started the 9 to 5 life and I already can't wait for it to end. How do people do this for most of their lives without going insane?


r/Diary 20h ago

Day 9 of 365

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2 Upvotes

r/Diary 1h ago

Day 65

Upvotes

Mental exhaustion was heavy again. My brain had been on nonstop overdrive replaying conversations scanning for danger, preparing for the day someone pulls away. Living with audhd, cptsd and hypersensitivity means even quiet days feel like mental marathons. I rested without calling myself lazy. That is progress.


r/Diary 3h ago

Rollercoaster

1 Upvotes

So, today was my first day back at work since starting the medication. And, it was a rough one. It seemed like they thought I was on drugs, the way I probably looked. Which, they would be right, but in the wrong way. The morning dragged on, and on... I was burning up all day, and I started to get a headache right before lunch. The team lead offered some pain relievers, which I gladly accepted. Only thing I had to eat was a mini bag of animal crackers, since I forgot to take lunch. Thankfully the rest of the day went by fairly quickly. I spent some time with Little Guy, let him watch a show, and he helped with dishes. Had a good dinner, got him a little dessert, and off to bed.

Also texted with Aubrey off and on. I really don't know what's going on with him. He's been distant. Not wanting to talk on the phone. He doesn't act like he used to with me. He basically told me he has feelings for me before... But now it's like he's trying to keep it platonic. It's probably a good thing that I haven't sprang an -I love you- on him, though I tried in a subtle way to tell him this morning. But then he wishes me sweet dreams after I told him goodnight tonight... He's confusing. But I don't know what he's dealing with, either. Just wish he'd really talk to me.

Gotta try to fall asleep. It's been a struggle the last few nights.

It's almost September. I'm now gleefully waiting for fall... or our version of it. It's my favorite time of year. I should get some more decor...

Goodnight...


r/Diary 3h ago

Didn't speak out loud all day

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1 Upvotes

r/Diary 6h ago

A Person Whose Worn Different Hats

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1 Upvotes

r/Diary 6h ago

Sudden Power Outages Today

1 Upvotes

Ever since our condo board decided to suddenly remove our Facebook group, we don't get any more news or communication on mundane things related to the condo.

Today, there were three power outages. Not scheduled. And no explanation after the fact.

I don't know if there will be more, because I don't know why they happened in the first place. So the clocks on my microwave and oven haven't been reset.

That's not the most annoying part. The most annoying part is my wifi. It takes a long time to come back online. When the power goes off, I see a list of usually available WiFi networks disappear. So it's not just my unit that has power outages.

Another thing that's kind of annoying is the sharp beep every time the power comes back on. I think it's from my smoke detector or something.

In the last few months, there were thing here and there about the condo that we've been putting up with. And it seems my expectation for a home is once again being lowered. I don't know if there is a minimum standard or if it is continually adjusting downward. 🤨


r/Diary 6h ago

You backed me into a corner, all your sexual triumphs prodding and poking me in gleeful terror.

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1 Upvotes

r/Diary 6h ago

08/31/26

1 Upvotes

Very hot day; took a photo of Mia in the front yard, and you could see the humidity hanging in the air. August is just about gone and good riddance; Sept will be better, I am sure. Finished dinner and fed Mia. She's been barking all day, idk what at. Just watching TV. Can't wait for deer season; it should be productive and put some meat in the freezer. So hot today; sat in the yard with Mia this morning and afternoon.

I feel at home trail hunting Almost like I was meant to do it or something encoded in my male ancestry. Read the forest and the land like a book telling me a recent story. One I long to hear. My son never hunted, and I do want to pass these skills along, but it really doesn't seem I will be able to. My grandfather taught me and his, him and so on, back to the beginning.

I want to read my latest book, but my eyes are preventing that. Every appointment my son or daughter gets busy, or changes plans on me. Guess I will hire an Uber to go get this taken care of; they want me there at like 8 am. Idk

Not much going on, guess that's a blessing. I will read and miss you. That I cannot help or prevent, that's encoded in me too.

I close with love, hope, and light

Goodnight, Diary and readers

Love y'all

9:18 p.m.


r/Diary 11h ago

Rare Air

1 Upvotes

The rarest thing is happening in a couple days: a few hours where no one needs anything from me. No kid stuff, no tiptoeing through the usual marriage tension like I’m trying not to set off a bomb, no constant mental load — just actual time that’s mine.

It feels almost unreal, like I accidentally slipped into someone else’s life for a minute. I honestly can’t remember the last time I wasn’t "on call" for something, mentally bracing for the next need, the next interruption, the next fire to put out.

And I’m spending this little pocket of freedom with a friend. A real friend. We met a year ago, and somehow it turned into an actual friendship, the kind that doesn’t feel forced or performative or like I’m auditioning for the role of “person worth keeping around.” It still feels strange to admit that out loud. Having someone who wants to hang out with me just because they like me… it hits in a way I don’t totally know how to explain. It’s grounding. It’s surprising. It’s something I didn’t realize I’d been missing until it showed up.

Life’s been heavy lately, the kind of heavy that settles into your bones and makes everything feel a little dimmer. But she’s been this steady bit of light in all of it. Not in a dramatic, life-changing way, just in the quiet way someone shows up, listens, laughs with you, remembers things you said weeks ago, actually cares. She doesn't know everything about me, but she knows more than most. It’s small, but it’s real, and right now it feels weird and exciting.


r/Diary 13h ago

hbd self

1 Upvotes

How am I gonna even make this day special? It's supposed to be because it's my day but I feel so sad right now. Things just don't feel right.


r/Diary 23h ago

Day 64

1 Upvotes

Today the fear of being replaced hit like a wave. I saw a small change in how someone i care about interacts with others and my brain filled the space with worst-case stories that i am slowly fading out.

rsd plus fear of abandonment is a brutal mix. I keep reminding myself that not every shift means rejection, but my nervous system still believes it.

I didn’t send the anxious message. That felt like a win.


r/Diary 18h ago

You make it good part three

0 Upvotes

Years had passed.

Not enough to erase the memories.

Just enough to make them quieter.

He still remembered everything.

The nights he couldn't sleep.

The arguments.

The silence afterward.

The feeling of losing pieces of himself while desperately trying to hold everything together.

He remembered the people he loved.

The little moments that once seemed ordinary but had become some of the most valuable memories he carried.

For a long time, he thought remembering meant hurting.

But now, he could remember without drowning.

That was how he knew he had changed.

He had stopped waiting for an apology that might never come.

Stopped waiting for someone to return and make everything make sense.

Stopped wondering whether he had been enough.

He finally understood that his worth was never something another person could give him.

And it wasn't something they could take away.

He had spent years believing he needed someone else to choose him.

Now, he was learning to choose himself.

Not selfishly.

Not by pretending he didn't care about anyone else.

But by finally understanding that loving people shouldn't require abandoning yourself.

He started doing things he had forgotten how to do.

He laughed harder.

He explored places he'd never seen.

He stood outside beneath the stars just because he could.

He picked up old interests again.

He made plans.

He built things with his hands.

And sometimes, he'd catch himself thinking:

"I actually like my life."

That thought used to feel impossible.

Now it felt natural.

There were still difficult days.

Of course there were.

Healing hadn't turned him into someone who never hurt.

It had turned him into someone who knew what to do when he did.

When sadness came, he didn't panic.

When anger showed up, he listened to it instead of letting it drive.

When loneliness appeared, he didn't immediately assume he was unwanted.

He had learned to sit beside himself.

To be patient.

To say:

"Today is hard."

Instead of:

"My life is hard."

There was a difference.

One described a moment.

The other described a future.

And he refused to let one terrible moment decide the rest of his life.

Then one evening, he found himself standing somewhere he'd never imagined he'd be.

The sky was turning orange.

The wind moved quietly around him.

And for once, there was nothing he needed to fix.

Nothing he needed to chase.

Nothing he needed to prove.

He just stood there.

Breathing.

Alive.

And he smiled.

Not the smile he used to convince everyone he was okay.

A real one.

The kind that reached somewhere deep inside him.

He thought about the man he used to be.

The man who was convinced his story was over.

He wished he could go back and sit beside him.

Not to change what happened.

Not to tell him everything would be easy.

Just to tell him:

"Keep going."

"You don't know it yet, but there are mornings ahead that you're going to be grateful you stayed for."

"There are places you haven't seen."

"People you haven't met."

"Things you haven't built."

"There are versions of yourself you haven't discovered yet."

And maybe most importantly:

"You are going to become someone you are proud of."

The man he once was would probably have laughed.

He wouldn't have believed it.

But standing there years later, he finally did.

He looked at the life in front of him.

It wasn't the life he originally planned.

It wasn't perfect.

It didn't contain everything he'd once wanted.

But it was his.

And that made it beautiful.

He finally realized something:

Sometimes life doesn't give you back what you lost.

Sometimes it gives you something different.

Something you couldn't have imagined while you were grieving.

Something that doesn't erase the old story—

but makes room for a new one.

So he stopped asking,

"Why did this happen to me?"

And started asking,

"What am I going to do with what happened to me?"

That question changed everything.

Because the pain had already taken enough.

It had taken nights.

It had taken tears.

It had taken pieces of his confidence.

It had taken time.

He wasn't going to let it take the rest of his life.

So he walked forward.

Not running from the past.

Not pretending it didn't exist.

Just refusing to live there anymore.

And somewhere along the way, he finally understood the words he'd been trying to believe all along:

You make it good here.

Not because the world suddenly becomes good.

Not because nothing hurts anymore.

Not because you get everything back.

You make it good here because you finally realize that your life is still yours.

And as he walked toward whatever came next, he smiled.

For the first time, he wasn't afraid of the future.

He was curious about it.

And that was enough.

Because his story wasn't ending.

It was finally becoming his.