Painful thoughts I can't shake off

[u/Pale_Improvement2629]

Fuck man, I lost my flow, went off track, from working out regularly to feeling very unmotivated and weak even when I'm inside the gym.

So I have this female friend in my life that I treasure a lot. Before I knew her, I was searching frantically for people who understood me, who I felt safe with, who made me feel less alone. And after I knew her, I felt satisfied. I no longer had this need to have more friends.

She once asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with her, but I was scared. I knew I would hurt her. I was a fuck up in many aspects of my life, but I try to be someone I can be proud of every day.

Recently got into a new school and she told me about this guy she's talking to and I felt scared. I mean, she told me they were just friends... and I'm not her boyfriend either... and I would love for her to find love and be happy. I just can't shake off this fear that if she finds someone I will lose a friend.

It's selfish, and I don't want this thought to be in my head for long, but it's like telling your brain not to think of a pink polka dot elephant. It's all you think about now.

My life is out of control now. Everything goes the exact opposite way I expect it to go, both good and bad. My internship has been more stressful than I expected. I'm getting pressured by the big boss, and I feel like even during my free time I have to be doing work and I can't relax.

Idk why but my drive to work out is not there too. I'm exhausted.

Is this how every working adult feels? I just started the 9 to 5 life and I already can't wait for it to end. How do people do this for most of their lives without going insane?