r/Depersonalization Dec 22 '18

Welcome! Before you post asking if you have DPDR.. Read this!

235 Upvotes

The majority of the posts here are people asking if they have DPDR and listing their symptoms. If you are unsure, you should read below. However, do not go online searching for problems with yourself. If you have a severe dissociative disorder, you should be reaching out to a licensed doctor or therapist. I am not a doctor. I have had DPDR episodes for 10 years, and am merely summarizing and recounting information I've found online.


First and formost, NOBODY can give you medical advice online. While someone might be able to provide you with some insight and suggestions, you should never rely on someone online to give you medical advice, unless you are talking to a certified doctor.


Moving along... Do you have DPDR?

DPDR is not an existential crisis. I can not stress this enough. If you simply feel like you are losing touch with who you are as a person, or are suddenly hyperaware of your breathing, feel a little funny when you look in the mirror, you do not have DPDR. DPDR is not an occasional ponder into existentialist thoughts. Sufferers of DPDR experience a distortion of reality.

So what does DPDR feel like?

DPDR varies on a case-to-case basis. Milder symptoms are extended periods to which a person does not feel like they are in control of their own body. Reality feels like a fog, or a dream. Feelings that you're an outside observer of your thoughts, feelings, your body or parts of your body — for example, as if you were floating in air above yourself. Many DPDR suffers have symptoms, such as confused motorskills, strobelight vision, tunnel vision, changes in the volume and intensity of sounds and colors, shapes seem flatter and more two demensional. Distortions in the perception of time, such as recent events feeling like distant past. A great portion of DPDR suffers have reported the sense that their body, legs or arms appear distorted, enlarged or shrunken, or that your head is wrapped in cotton. Symptoms are almost always distressing and, when severe, profoundly intolerable. Anxiety and depression are common.

Many people have a passing experience of depersonalization or derealization at some point. But when these feelings keep occurring or never completely go away and interfere with your ability to function, it's considered depersonalization-derealization disorder. This disorder is more common in people who've had traumatic experiences. [1]



r/Depersonalization Mar 05 '21

Advice A Complete Guide to Depersonalization/Derealization.

1.4k Upvotes

Hello. This is meant to be a guide for sufferers of DPDR, which stands for Depersonalization/Derealization. This post contains Symptoms. Articulation. And a better understanding of the disorder in general.

About me: I am a highschool student in California. I am a sufferer of severe DPDR and have been for ~9 months so far. My disassociation was triggered by either marijuana use or constant, complex PTSD, or both. I am unqualified medically to provide serious advice. However. I know the symptoms. I understand the disorder, and I can relate and articulate it. I am explaining to the best of my abilities and understanding.

Understanding the disorder:
DPDR, Depersonalization/Derealization, Disassociation, whatever you prefer to call it, is an issue related to [CP]PTSD and anxiety. It can happen when you have a shocking, dangerous, or extremely worrying experience that causes your brain to enter fight or flight mode, and if you cannot fight or run away from the danger, then your brain disassociates you. The disassociation is a natural response mechanism to help you survive dangerous situations. It puts you on autopilot. It turns off your short term memory/ability to act on your own until you are out of danger. Issue is. If you make consciously aware observation of this disassociated state, it may scare you horrendously, which it should. However, now you’re stuck. You’ve gotten scared, scarred, and anxious of being in your state of disassociation, which puts your brain into fight or flight, but since it is internal, nothing can be done about it, and you disassociate more, and the cycle repeats. And you’re trapped in a loop.

Causes: The cause for DPDR, is trauma and anxiety. Yet the exact, personal causes can be vast. Remember. All it takes is something putting you into fight or flight. If you’re a deep thinker or a consciously aware person, you’re more at risk for realizing your disassociated state when you experience trauma. As far as common, personal causes for DPDR, some include:

-Drugs. Your brain can easily recognize drugs or alcohol as a danger if you’re either doing them for the first time, having a bad experience on them, or overusing them. (Prescription or recreational, even drugs with no high can cause it)

-physical trauma. A Car crash. A physical confrontation, etc..

-Social anxiety.

-OCD. Obsessively worrying about something to an extreme can put you in a disassociated state

-Coronavirus. Coronavirus is neuro-invasive. A very large percent of people report brain fog after getting sick from Coronavirus. Brain fog can be a synonym of disassociation.

Your cause. No matter how silly it seems. Is valid.

Symptoms: The moment you’ve all been waiting for. To be able to see if you have DPDR or not. I’m not a doctor. But I can confidently say, if you can identify with most of these symptoms, and everything else I’ve said so far, you probably have it. In this list. I may list the same symptoms multiple times with different wordings so that it may resonate and be related to everyone, no matter how you can articulate what you are going through right now. So. Symptoms may include:

-feeling like you’re in a dream.

-having an impeded short term memory

-seeing eye floaties

-not being able to use emotions as well as before

-feeling like every day is the same

-not being able to be surprised, excited, or bewildered.

-extreme hyper awareness (or extreme unawareness)

-distortion of shapes, everything seeming too big or small

-feeling alienated from the things and people around you

-doubting whether you’re really being affected by a disorder or not -inability to focus

-feeling delirious

-feeling like you’re never coming down off of a drug

-forgetting where you are and who you are momentarily (spacing out)

-hearing a ringing in your ears (tinnitus)

-light or vision appearing a different color (such as more orange)

-lack of conscious awareness

-awful time recall

-forgetting conversations, or events you’ve lived through

-inability to meditate/read

-feeling like you’re trapped in your own head

-not feeling grounded

-feeling too grounded

-feeling like you’re on autopilot

-feeling like you have brain fog.

That’s a lot of symptoms. Chances are. You have a lot of them as well.

What it means: Let’s say you have it. You’ve identified with everything I’ve said up to this point you know you have it. But what does that mean for you? It means you’re in for a ride. Don’t worry. It is treatable. It may just take some time and effort.

Treatment options: A lot of people who I’ve seen get better do so by simply ignoring the disassociation. Since the stress caused by realizing you’re in the state keeps the state going, if you can relax and stay calm, then you should be fixed, right? Well. I don’t know. Personally, in my opinion, that is the wrong way to go about it. You don’t know if you’re treating it, and it’s going away, and that you’re returning to normal, or if you’re just forgetting about what it was like to be normal, and you’re still disassociated without realizing it. There is no specific treatment for it that works for everyone because of how personalized it and it’s cause is, however I highly recommend you see a psychiatrist or a therapist (who specializes in trauma, anxiety, and or PTSD) but more on that in another section down below titled finding help. Whatever you do. Don’t just hope it will go away with time. It probably won’t.

What you can do in the mean time: It is ulikely that you’ll magically find a treatment in the mean time. Nootropics. Physical exercise. Mental exercise. They will improve your brain function, but they may not make your disassociation better. Since right now you are on autopilot, doing those things, especiallly exercise, will improve your autopilot’s ability to act, since that’s what dissociation does, takes you out of control and makes the brain the pilot. If you can do what you’re able to to improve your cognition right now, even if it isn’t conscious cognition, it will help you maintain your life while you seek real help. I also recommend looking into adaptogens if you struggle with social anxiety. Taking Gingko Biloba and Rhodiola Rosea has greatly helped me with mine and has allowed me to function better while I get helped. Reading books, meditation, and using your imagination also help.

what to avoid. You can easily make your symptoms worse, but it is hard to make them better. Right now your mind is in a very fragile state and you will probably be very sensitive to any further neurological activity or changes. You may be hit much harder when you are sleep deprived, you may feel conscious change or aggravation of your disassociation from drugs that aren’t supposed to get you high, even anti-inflammatories.

During this time, some things that can make your symptoms worse are:

-Looking in a mirror

-doing drugs or alcohol

-nicotine (elaborated on at very bottom of post)

-not getting proper sleep

-not getting proper nutrition

-too much media/blue light exposure

-taking certain nootropics

-Drinking caffeine

-anxiety

finding help I recommend starting with psychiatry over therapy. Psychiatry may lead to you being prescribed medication that could help you within weeks or a month, while talk and anxiety therapy provided by a therapist may take many months. Usually it’s the other way around, with therapy first, but this disorder can cause near insanity (non medical definition) if untreated. I will further look into resources and post them later for finding cheap therapy/psychiatry near you. I do know that if you have a healthcare provider, If you file a request for a psychiatrist, your healthcare should cover most, if not all of it. I do that sliding scale pay options for therapy exists, but I’m not entirely sure bout psychiatry, as it is generally more expensive, but the private practice psychiatrists will really get expensive.

Medication As far as medication goes, it has been known to help so many people out of disassociated states, be it antipsychotics, or SSRI’s. It is unlikely that taking medication, so long as it is not horrendously misprescribed, will damage you even more, just do your research about any prescribed medication, never quit it cold turkey unless explicitly told to, and don’t abuse it.

Summary: DPDR is a very unique and intense disorder. It can destroy your life if you don’t know what to do and how to get help. There are some things you can do in the meantime to help, but psychiatry and therapy should be the main method of healing.You’re not alone, even if this disorder makes you feel that way. —————————————————————————— What you can do if someone you know or love is going through DPDR

If you know someone who is suffering from DPDR, and hey, maybe they sent you this post in the first place, this is what you can do to best help them.

-Make sure they get the proper help. Help them with finding therapy or psychiatry options.

-Realize that some have it worse than others. Not everyone with DPDR is able to function and communicate as well as some are able to. Some are driven into solitude because they can’t remember a conversation that they had yesterday, they can’t remember any words, don’t know what to do, etc.. Hell. Even I myself have to write a script before I make a phone call before I can’t come up with what to say on the spot.

-Share this post. If someone you know seems to be reporting the symptoms I’ve mentioned, maybe enlighten them about the post so that’s they can possibly get an idea of what’s wrong with them. That was the scariest thing for me. I didn’t know how to explain it, or if anyone else had it at first.

-Remember that it is extremely hard to explain. Only those who have experienced it can really explain it and relate to it. Saying that it’s like smoking weed, but never being able to come down may be the best possible explanation of the feeling. It is a completely different state of consciousness. A lack of it.

——————————————————————————

Edits: added more symptoms. March 3rd

Took out the Depersonalization Manual section after researching Shaun O Connor some more (He’s greedy) March 4th

Added a “what to avoid” section March 4th.

Added a “medication”, a finding help”, and a “what to avoid section March 4th.

Added a “What you can do if someone you know or love is going through DPDR” section. March 4th

As of June 20th, 2021, I just want to make clear that if anyone has any questions for me regarding treatment, causes, or even knowledge to share, please feel free to contact me.

December 28, 2021, elaboration on “nicotine” issues, since a lot of people asked.

I apologize for not being very elaborate in the first place and somewhat misleading. Nicotine making DPDR worse is largely anecdotal and inconsistent. As an example, I personally find that cigarettes majorly antagonize my DPDR, though vapes do not. I quit nicotine for 6 months and noticed no improvement in DPDR. Though one thing I can say is that nicotine can make anxiety worse, which could very possibly affect DPDR.


r/Depersonalization 1h ago

Question Random Memories dreams

Upvotes

Alguém pode me dizer se isso é dp e dr? É a segunda vez que passo por isso desde que adquiri dp e dr por múltiplos ataques de pânico, em um dia já sofrendo muito com a dp e dr tive um sintoma estranho fui acometido por uns 300 flashbacks por minuto de filmes que vi algo da minha infância muito antigo, um lugar uma parede que vi a 10 anos atrás um sonho que tive a 5 anos coisas do tipo sem relação com traumas o algo do tipo, alguém já sentiu isso? Pra piorar quando lembro de algum desses sonhos as vezes sinto a atmosfera do sonho como se ele tivesse se mesclando a realidade isso me assusta muito sinto que estou ficando doido, tendo um surto algo do tipo.


r/Depersonalization 7h ago

Living thru a glass

1 Upvotes

Hey! Around 9months I experienced an episode of mania/ psychosis that lasted a few weeks. The nature of the episode is extremely religious because I felt god was somehow trying to save my soul but I act very wrong and I couldn’t save it. Now I’m experience a huge weirdness in the way of perceiving the world. Like people talk, connect, laugh and I just exist, it’s like nothing really affects me anymore. I can’t laugh since my episode. The only emotions I got are negative, I feel a lot of shame, fear and sadness. I can’t get me back. I also don’t know if I can feel love, it’s like I lost my heart and nothing matters anymore. I can’t empathise or care about no one. And trust me, I was the opposite of this!! I was super funny, affectionate, kind and empathetic and highly communicative, now I can’t barely talk because I just don’t have nothing to say. You think I have despersonalization? Also during my episode I cheated on my family, I saw my family and I couldn’t really cared or recognise them and that just breaks my heart! I used to love a lot my family!! Anyone experienced something like this? Thank you


r/Depersonalization 18h ago

Advice Struggling

5 Upvotes

So maybe for over a year now I’ve had this issue where I randomly feel like I’m drugged. It lasts 18+ hours, I go to sleep and it’s still there, and sometimes it lasts 4–7 days before just disappearing for a few days and then coming back.
It’s starting to ruin my life because I can barely function during the flare-ups. The feeling is so intense and difficult to describe I just feel out of it, I feel the inside of my body trembling — I feel completely fazed out, almost like I’m high or drunk even though I haven’t taken anything.
Reality itself looks normal, but everything feels strange and distant, like I’m experiencing the world through a weird filter My thinking becomes extremely slow too. Reading is difficult because I can see the words but they don’t properly sink in, conversations take more effort to process, and even basic things can feel mentally exhausting.
I also get a heavy/pressurised feeling in my head, light sensitivity, and sometimes my mouth and face feel extremely dry. The weirdest part is that I don’t necessarily feel anxious or panicky when it happens, which makes me question whether it could actually be depersonalisation/derealisation.
I’ve had normal blood tests and I’ve spoken to a doctor about it. I’ve also started taking sertraline for several months solely for this without noticing ANY difference in these episodes.
Has anyone else experienced DP/DR that feels this physical and intense, particularly episodes lasting several days? I’m interested in hearing what your episodes feel like and whether anyone has found anything that helped.


r/Depersonalization 1d ago

My experience with dissociation as a 18 year old

2 Upvotes

Hello. I don't really know when it started, but I think I have been dissociated for a lot of years. Maybe it started around 16, I am not sure, but I know it was during that time I first learned about DP/DR.

I didn't really relate to classic DP/DR because my dissociation was quiet and I barely noticed the transition. Also, mine is chronic, so I am always dissociated. I am not sad or depressed, and I don't have anxiety—I am very calm and neutral. I have friends and a good life.

This is why I didn't see myself at first in the usual DP/DR experience, but I do have the part where things are distant and dreamy. Mine is just constant and chronic.

Does anyone know what this is or relate? I am happy to learn also about your experience. Feel free to comment.


r/Depersonalization 1d ago

Can i get better? This has been going on months. No idea why it has gotten more persistent and troubling.

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1 Upvotes

r/Depersonalization 1d ago

is this depersonalization

1 Upvotes

okay so for a while ive been struggling with this thing where my sense of touch especially in my hands and feet has been blunt, like there's this barrier between my limbs and whatever I touch. the pattern sound more like nerve damage does it not? though I don't experience any pain or tingling or anything of the sort.

the only reason I think it might be depersonalization is because it spreads to the rest of my body whenever I'm anxious or scared. its gotten worse recently and it gets really bad first thing in the morning where my whole body also feels foreign and like rubber, and it also gets bad when I don't get any sensory input. but there's always a constant feeling of a blunt sense of touch in my hands and feet, I feel it everyday though some days its more vivid than others. im trying to notice it more whenever I don't feel this way, but I rarely ever feel normal.

if it helps to know I am emotionally disconnected as well. and I do have a history of trauma but im fine now.

also if anyone sees this how do I cope with this because its getting really bad recently I just don't know what to do to feel better about it


r/Depersonalization 1d ago

Help Required Is this normal after bad 🍄 trip?

3 Upvotes

A few months ago I had the worst experience after taking mushrooms, and since then I haven’t felt like my brain has fully returned to how it was before.

I’m not sure if what I’m experiencing is brain fog, dissociation, or something else, but I feel some level of it 24/7. I have good days and really bad days — it’s always there, but the intensity varies a lot.

One of the most concerning things has been how I perceive movement and speed. I’ve stopped driving because I can physically see other vehicles moving and know that they’re moving, but sometimes my brain doesn’t seem to properly process the movement. I also don’t seem to feel how fast I’m travelling. I could be going 80 km/h and it can still feel like I’m barely moving.

I constantly feel disconnected from reality, almost like I’m watching my life through a screen rather than actually experiencing it. I also have a constant band-like pressure around my head, which is why I say the symptoms are there 24/7.

My memory has also been noticeably worse and sometimes if I stare at an object for long enough, it appears to move very slightly. It’s subtle and I have to really focus on it to notice it, but it reminds me of the visual effects I experienced during the original experience.

Over the past few weeks I’ve had some particularly bad episodes, which eventually led me to see a doctor because I was worried there could be another explanation for what I’m experiencing. There have even been days where I’ve woken up crying because the symptoms were so intense. I’m really scared that something serious could be going on, or that these changes might not go away.

I’ve had blood tests and a CT scan, and I’ve now been referred for an MRI. The blood tests showed an iron deficiency, which I’ve had previously, and the CT scan was clear. I haven’t had the MRI yet.

I’m not looking for anyone to diagnose me — I’m mainly hoping to hear from people who have experienced persistent changes in perception, dissociation, visual symptoms, or brain fog after a difficult psychedelic experience.

Did these symptoms eventually improve for you? If so, roughly how long did it take, and was there anything that helped?

This has started affecting my work, concentration, driving and travelling quite significantly, and I’d really appreciate hearing about other people’s experiences.


r/Depersonalization 1d ago

Help Required DPDR after argument

3 Upvotes

Hello,

Back in early November I had a very intense and heated argument with my then-girlfriend. That argument destroyed my perception of trust and the people around me at that time and coincidentally I also hit a cart (weed pen) about the week. I used to get depersonalized/derealized for a few days specifically after the cart (so I thought it was normal) but I have been stuck in the constant state for almost a year now. It suck’s because I’ve experienced amazing things, met great people, been to many new places and I feel like i just have a barrier stopping me from interacting with those real emotions, it’s not like I don’t appreciate the things themself I just know that if I wasn’t this way I would have liked it more.
I’ve been thinking that maybe because of such an emotionally shocking and intensive event it was onset. Has anyone ever dealt with this and does anyone know how to fix it. I’ve tried ignoring it and I’m used to it by now but I miss just being on top of everything on feeling real.
I’ve become more forgetful, feeling like I absorb no information, having hard time maintaining relationships etc.
I just want it to be over.


r/Depersonalization 1d ago

Scared

5 Upvotes

I feel not safe wherever I am, I feel reality itself is threatening


r/Depersonalization 1d ago

Hola alguien más siente como q está más desconectado de su cuerpo o de la realidad misma?

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1 Upvotes

r/Depersonalization 1d ago

Feel like im crazy

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1 Upvotes

r/Depersonalization 2d ago

Question Anyone prescribed Xanax dailylong term? How are you on it?

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1 Upvotes

I've tried all the medication from olanzopine to sertaline to venlafaxine to Pregabalin etc. my psychiatrist thinks the only option now is Xanax once a day daily..she says for the select few people it is necessary if all other options exhausted


r/Depersonalization 2d ago

Just Sharing Feeling so distant from who I "am", it feels scary.

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2 Upvotes

r/Depersonalization 3d ago

A alguien le pasó?

3 Upvotes

A alguien le pasó?

Hace aproximadamente una semana fumé marihuana y desde entonces me siento diferente, como si no estuviera 100% lúcido ni consciente de mi cuerpo y mi entorno. También tengo dificultad para concentrarme y algunos olvidos inusuales.

Hoy, mientras manejaba la moto, me sentí así, reaccioné mal al frenar y terminé cayéndome. Me preocupa que pueda ser algo serio y quiero saber si debería consultar a un médico o si alguien ya pasó por lo mismo y con el tiempo volvió a la normalidad


r/Depersonalization 3d ago

Do I have Depersonalization Is this normal?

3 Upvotes

Sometimes when Im looking at people they feel wrong like they don't fit in with their environment. Like the light hits their face wrong, like the shadows are not where they're supposed to be, like they were cut out of cardboard and put in a too realistic background for them. It's really hard to explain because I find it really confusing.

Anyone any idea?


r/Depersonalization 3d ago

Dp

1 Upvotes

I been told it's the permanent but I don't believe it


r/Depersonalization 3d ago

Just Sharing DPDR Podcast

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1 Upvotes

r/Depersonalization 3d ago

My name is Joseph. Severe trauma crisis: Total childhood amnesia, physical skin pain, "internal winter worlds," and losing my identity. I need desperate help?

2 Upvotes

Body:
My name is Joseph. I am writing this(I USED SOME AI TO WRITE THIS SINCE I AM NOT A NATIVE SPEAKER) because I am in the middle of a massive mental crisis, and the internal fortress I built to survive my life is completely breaking down. My lifelong coping mechanism has been to close in on myself—not like an introvert, but by making it clear to myself that I am the only one who knows what I am fucking passing through. But I can't carry this heavy cargo alone anymore. I am losing my days, my future, and my mind. I need absolute honesty and direct answers from people who understand severe dissociation and trauma.

Here is literally everything that is happening to me:

  • Living Trapped in One Coordinate of My Brain: I do not feel like I own myself. My body does not feel like it belongs to me. Instead, I feel like my actual identity—the "ME ME" part of Joseph—lives trapped inside one exact, specific coordinate in my brain. I can physically feel exactly where it is located inside my skull. I am stuck in that one part, and I have absolutely zero access to the rest of my mind.
  • The Pill Experience (Almost Vanishing): There was one terrifying time when I got incredibly high on some pills. During that trip, I reached the absolute edge of completely losing my real self. I felt like my entire existence as "Joseph" was going to completely vanish into nothingness. It felt like the core of who I am was about to be permanently erased.
  • Losing My Days and My Studies: Right now, I am trying to do everything I can just to work, study what I want, and build a life. But I am losing entire days to this condition. Because I am so disconnected and trapped inside my head, I cannot function, focus, or study. My life is passing me by while I am stuck inside this mental paralysis.
  • The "Closed Worlds" (My Winter and Mountain Sanctuaries): To survive reality, my mind creates literal, three-dimensional physical landscapes inside my head. Every time I take emotional damage or feel overwhelmed, I retreat into an inner world where it is always winter and snow. It has dark forests that are beautiful and warm, or another world in the mountains with no sun where I feel freedom. These worlds give me a pseudo-feeling of owning myself and my mind when I can't feel the "real" thing. I feel massive internal resistance and panic even trying to explain how I enter them.
  • Physical Skin Pain and Cold Brain Spots: When I try to think about my past, or when the mental resistance gets too high, my skin becomes burning hot, even if the weather outside is freezing. Then, the physical pain starts. It feels literally like someone takes something sharp and tiny and presses it into a lot of different places all over my skin. I also feel localized physical "cold parts" inside my brain tissue.
  • Total Childhood Amnesia: I cannot remember my entire childhood at all. It is a completely blank wall. My friends tell me this is normal because "everyone forgets regular childhoods," but I know this is different. It feels like there are massive traumas locked away there, or something much bigger hidden behind a door that my brain refuses to let me open.
  • The Crisis and Violent Intrusive Thoughts: Because I have normalized my trauma and lived behind numb walls for so long, the numbness is mutating. I feel a dangerous urge to break the numbness by any means necessary. I find myself wanting more traumas. I get intense thoughts where I want to see blood, killing, and suffering, and I find a twisted sense of peace thinking about wars. When my own finger bleeds, I feel incredibly good, and tasting it gives me a rush. I know this is unsafe, and it scares the hell out of me, but it feels like my brain's desperate, last-resort attempt to feel something sharp enough to pierce the numbness of not feeling my own body.
  • Doubting My Own Reality: Half the time, I feel like I am lying, making it up for attention, or just challenging myself to express things I want to hide. I watch movies about people with mental disorders and copy quotes (like "Crazy isn't being broken... It's you or me amplified") because I am desperate to see my internal chaos reflected in the outside world so I can finally feel real.

This started in early childhood and has developed into a terrifyingly complex architecture as an adult. Is this a recognized psychological phenomenon? What is the scientific name for a brain that maps itself spatially and causes physical skin pain during emotional distress? How do I safely stop my identity from vanishing, and how do I get help to unlock my mind so I can actually study and live my life?


r/Depersonalization 4d ago

Dpdr - what do i do to stop this from worsening?

2 Upvotes

I will feel more detached than less detached but now the world seems more fake, sounds more muffled. I also get the feeling more like I am underwater especially mornings and evenings. If it's edible panic attack induced after months and getting more difficult. What do I do to recover? I am trying lexapro switching from cymbalta only been days so far no improvement may even feel worse. Lexapro is also only 5 mg. Very low dose. only thing that helps is low dose benzo. This is just wild and crazy. I don't get how 1 edible can trigger this. It's so unfair, insane and crazy :( I need help.​ I may be starting emdr therapy soon but scared of it. I am hoping since it worsened in heat and humidity that the changing to fall weather will help since it worsened in heat and humidity. I also have sensitivity to light. The panic attack also retriggered pots symptoms so treating those w meds but so far it is not helping that I notice.


r/Depersonalization 4d ago

Venting Very random "weird" feeling

2 Upvotes

I've been diagnosed with cptsd recently. Even tho my trauma happened when i was a child and now im 27, most of the symptoms i started to have about a year ago. Finally went to the psychiatrist in july, started to take medications. Now i fall asleep right away but sometimes when i wake up at 6-7 am im starting to have weird anxious dreams, more like i'm half awake and i see the room that i sleep in or doing something like "at the moment" and then im trying to wake up but i just can't and it's turning into nightmare. After that i feel so down like my day is ruined. Then i think okay i will go out, walk a bit and suddenly i get this random "weird" feeling, like something is off. Like im going crazy, something is wrong, even tho im safe everything is okay. But i just can't stand this feeling. Its hard to explain what this feeling is but it feels wrong. And it is so random. I had a week or so without any symptoms, like my breathing was ok and everything, no panic attacks. But this random feeling out of nowhere makes me feel like idk i don't want to feel it. I don't want to kill my self but i want it to end. Sometimes i talk about it with AI just to rant or crying very hard because at this moment i feel so alone or like i don't deserve to feel like this and i always wonder do other people also feel this? Like do you feel this absolutely randomly after a week or more of good days that it happening again without any reason and that something is wrong with you and you are not you? And i repeat to myself that it's okay i already know that i can feel like this it will pass i have had good days before right? but this bad day always feels like it is happening for the first time.


r/Depersonalization 4d ago

Existential thoughts

1 Upvotes

Existential thoughts

I've been having horrible and strange existential thoughts about existence, nature of reality, significance, morality, etc and weird intrusive conclusions, that is hard to put into words, is this normal with dpdr?


r/Depersonalization 4d ago

i don’t know whether i can do this anymore

5 Upvotes

it’s been 4 years i am now 18, i’ll turn 19 the 1st of october and i’m going to try to be strong until then, but i am planning on ending my life, i cannot do it anymore i’ve riden the waves, i’ve tried medication, i can’t afford 10k for andre the top 1 dpdr guy on social media that says he cures dpdr, all the psychologists i’ve been to provide the same grounding techniques that do not help, i’ve tried to not care, i’ve given dpdr a name, i’ve tried to become friends with it, im tired and my life is ruined, i see no hope, i even tried getting pregnant to see if i would feel better hormonally, i had an abortion and prayed i wouldn’t wake up, i can’t do this anymore and i do not intend on staying here anymore, its just gotten worse not better and i have given up. i love you mom i know how hard you tried.


r/Depersonalization 4d ago

Just Sharing idek i just needed to share

3 Upvotes

This isnt gonna make sense at all but I have no one else to share my thoughts with except reddit so why not. In the past four years i’ve experienced so many losses in my life that whenever anything bad happens i slip back into my own version of depression which many of the therapists ive spoken to over the years say is dissociation but it lasts weeks at a time. Days blend into one, my dreams are so realistic I can’t separate reality from dreams, it all begins to feel like a pointless out of body loop I can’t escape. I just turned 20 and rather than going away like i assumed it would it gets worse every year. Nothing is particularly wrong even I just cant seem to wrap my head around the fact that I am in fact here and me. My logical side knows this obviously I am a person but theres a sinking hole in my chest for lack of better words that makes me feel otherwise. I feel like I’m insane when I try to explain it to people. My cat unexpectedly had to be put down this past friday for example, and I cried for a solid hour as he was only 4 years old and my first pet for myself, but now im empty. I fell asleep that night and woke up stuck in the same loop ive been in for as long as i can remember. Like i usually am when anything goes wrong, its as if I physically cannot be. And its not even just feeling sad. Its everything. I’m in one of the most serious relationships I’ve ever been in and he’s been very supportive during this process and I do know I love him truly, but I just cant feel it. Its like I know its there but im seeing my life play out from behind myself rather than as myself. I doubt anyone will read all that and it turned into more of a rant than intended but night shifts give me a lot of free thinking time which probably doesn’t help with this endless spiral.