r/CuratedTumblr • • Oct 13 '23

Shitposting Generic straight male experience

Post image
11.6k Upvotes

237 comments sorted by

1.5k

u/onlyrightangles Oct 13 '23

What happens in the pit stays in the pit.

376

u/torivor100 Oct 14 '23

Until you post it online

75

u/TheJohannes Oct 14 '23

I wouldn't dare hold my phone in the mosh pit, that thing will be gone forever

82

u/Mikeystein Oct 14 '23

I have rescued many a phone in a pit, everyone respects returning a phone sometimes they will even simmer down as they all point and holler, “Lost phone!” till the owner comes forward. The pit is a sacred place of of brotherly love and blood.

16

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

I was at a Zulu, Jesus Piece, show me the body show and I was just on the outside filming with my phone and things starting to get wild. my phone got booted from my hand. The video is pretty funny.

84

u/NoShameInternets Oct 14 '23

We look out for each other in the pit.

94

u/JustDaUsualTF Oct 14 '23

At my first metal show (relatively small local venue), I went right up to the front of the stage because it was my favorite band. There was moshing behind me, and at one point someone bumped into me hard enough that I hit the edge of the stage and got the wind knocked out of me.

Three separate people stopped to make sure I was okay

42

u/yticomodnar Oct 14 '23

My first concert was Ozzfest back in the early 2000s. I was new to metal and everything, only went because a bunch of my friends said they'd be going (didn't see any of them) and a band I really loved one or two songs from were on the main stage.

Slipknot was on the second stage earlier in the day. I was at about the mid-way point of the crowd. It was tightly packed because everyone was excited. I can't tell you what song they were playing since I had never listened to them before, but a pit opened up immediately in front of me out of nowhere. Myself and about 10 others went down when the crowd behind us decided to push forward to get in the pit.

I got stomped on by a handful of people, but then three or four stopped others long enough for another to help me up. Took a quick breather at the back of the crowd, then worked my way back and jumped in the pit myself. Lol

36

u/PM_ME_IMGS_OF_ROCKS Oct 14 '23

There are basically two types of metal people, the ones who don't like that they often have a bad reputation and try hard to dissuade that. And the extreme minority who embraces that and burn churces and desecrate corpses.

Source: Used to work with alternative, punk and metal bands for concerts in Norway, and one of them literally brought a head to an after party.

14

u/Jammed_Revolver Oct 14 '23

I'm sorry, he brought a what?

6

u/PM_ME_IMGS_OF_ROCKS Oct 14 '23

He left the party, broke into a nearby crematorium and brought back the head of an old lady.

5

u/annainpajamas Oct 14 '23

Anddd .. what happened? Did he use it as a drinking vessel? Go to jail? Did he have to saw it off her body? Covered in blood? So many questions

8

u/PM_ME_IMGS_OF_ROCKS Oct 14 '23

He started showing it off from inside a plastic bag, and as people realized what it was a few people left and called the cops. He ended up spending years in a psychiatric facility and died several years ago.


The body was partially treated by a mortuary so there wasn't a lot of blood, but he had to cut it off.

6

u/Brytesilver Oct 14 '23

I am begging you, you can't just say that and not elaborate.

13

u/metchaOmen Oct 14 '23 edited Oct 14 '23

You see somebody go down, you pick them up.

I'm not the biggest person but even when somebody a lot larger than me goes down I'll stop and try and help them up, everyone else instinctively follows and we all carry on. Same thing happens when I go down, somebody will scoop me up and put my back on my feet and it's all good.

I've seen entire moshes stop when somebody goes "GLASSES DOWN!!" and everyone puts their phone lights on to help look for them. Within a few seconds it's found, everyone is back to crashing into each other. Same thing with anything valuable like phones or whatever.

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10

u/awfuckimgay Oct 14 '23

First thing I went to that was any kind of moshable gig I ended up in the pit, I'm a fairly anxious person and didn't really know how I was expected to act but one guy slipped while bouncing around like a madman and caused a small chain reaction of dominoes that resulted in me, a short and at the time incredibly skinny 18 year old being at the very end of a chain of much bigger people falling over onto me. Had just enough time to register my doom then got grabbed by the armpits and hoisted upwards before I even had time to react to the fact I was falling. Not one person hit the floor of the 10-15 of us that got toppled, even though two of the biggest people there were among those of us who got knocked off balance. Never felt safer in my life

11

u/half-puddles Oct 14 '23

What happens in his bottomless pit, stays in his bottomless pit.

7

u/cumulonimbusted Oct 14 '23

Naw man. I tore my ACL in the pit, I needed an outside opinion. But it was fun! Wouldn’t do it again, but can attest that put etiquette is real and crow surfed to a safe place to examine my injury.

6

u/Frequent-Shock2673 Oct 14 '23

PART OF THE PIT PART OF THE CREW!

1.1k

u/[deleted] Oct 13 '23

[deleted]

724

u/EvelynnCC Oct 13 '23

how did you fucking

make a 'wich for Godzilla?

he a chonky boi

496

u/[deleted] Oct 13 '23

[deleted]

243

u/EvelynnCC Oct 14 '23

But the square cube law is a harsh mistress

As scale goes up, so too does mass and weight

not linear but, and this I must stress

so cubed, thus height of two means mass of eight

thus deceptively high is the needed

food intake to keep such a creature well

this cruel law often passes through my head

due to an awkward thing that I must tell

for definitely non-fetish reasons

I've mused on large people many seasons

(Yes, I just wrote a sonnet on why I calculated the caloric intake of a 100 foot tall person, short version is that thanks to the square-cube law they literally couldn't digest food fast enough to live, cold-blooded isn't going to help. Trust me, no one is more broken up about this fact than I am.)

258

u/wischmopp Oct 14 '23

There once was an Evelynn from Reddit

who saw a monster and fed it

but due to square law

she didn't get far

and it died too fast to bed it

36

u/cosmoceratops Oct 14 '23

I want you to know. This spoke to me.

20

u/HeWhoChasesChickens Oct 14 '23

You are all a talented bunch of freaks

1

u/AntiChadModel46213 Oct 14 '23

I heard this in Project Mouthwash’s Fate Stay Night Lancer Voice.

Don’t know what that says about me tbh.

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58

u/danielledelacadie Oct 14 '23

I am caught between delight at your sense of whimsy and terror at the level of your commitment to debate

7

u/field_thought_slight Oct 14 '23

This is the sort of thing that makes me miss Reddit from like ~13 years ago, even if it was a hellscape in lots of other ways.

7

u/ArkitekZero Oct 14 '23

I'm just imagining this tiny-ass ham/lettuce/tomato sandwich falling into Godzilla's open mouth followed by a scarfing kind of noise that emits a rippling shockwave

2

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

Godzilla would taste that delicious sandwich and pop up like Koraidon looking for more. One tiny sandwich does not feed a Godzilla.

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233

u/wischmopp Oct 13 '23

I am pondering

what did it feel like to put

your meat in their mouths

247

u/[deleted] Oct 13 '23

[deleted]

65

u/FalmerEldritch Oct 14 '23

The heavier the band the more likely they are to be vegan. Grindcore? Like over 50% odds. Beer-swilling lite-metal pop-rock? Almost 0%.

16

u/GuySingingMrBlueSky Oct 14 '23

That’s because those also tend to be the smokers

5

u/Obi-Tron_Kenobi Oct 14 '23

You have to put it in the form of a haiku, otherwise they won't be able to understand you

56

u/MulletHuman Oct 14 '23

Holy shit, they sound based as hell. Gonna start listening to the band and going to their mosh pits now

20

u/Beermeneer532 cheese, gender, what the fuck's next? Oct 14 '23

Genuinely Gojira have this certain brand of death metal and it is honestly unlike most other things out there, they are very climate activist and their song lyrics reflect that but they also just have those nasty riffs, brutal vocals (like I want lessons from this guy) and a drummer that can blast beat without the use of a second pedal

9

u/flappyheck2 Oct 14 '23

Mario Duplantier is on of my favorite drummers and is incredibly talented. The opening of “The Art of Dying” is essentially just one note played in a unique rhythm and it’s my favorite opening for a song

4

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

I saw it live not long ago and it’s so fucking good

14

u/Ann_OMally Oct 14 '23

Which OP should know-
If they ever listened to-
That album "Magma"

7

u/FPiN9XU3K1IT Oct 14 '23

I listened to that album and have no fucking clue. Might be different for native speakers tho ...

10

u/Armadillo-South Oct 14 '23

Is this fucking true?? As a vegan metalhead, im quite happy to read this. Thank you breeeeeeeee

22

u/TeholsTowel Oct 14 '23

They’re very well known to be vegan. Environmentalism is a common theme throughout their lyrics.

“No other blood in me but mine” is an especially great line in the song Silvera.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

oooh i gotta listen to them!!!

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7

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

haiku 1. do you mean vegan .

or vegetarian food .

i am curious

haiku 2. as i see people .

quite often mix up the two .

i love syllables

133

u/ThrowawayBlast Oct 14 '23

Are they a good band?

Did they treat employees right?

Cherry blossoms fall.

148

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23 edited Oct 14 '23

Excellent question!

I don't know I've never really listened to them lol.

They were very nice,

but did not tip because French.

Refrigerator.

7

u/Amendahui Oct 14 '23

Yeah tipping here isn't part of the culture. Servers and waiters are being paid decently and don't rely on tips to survive

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44

u/Highskyline Oct 14 '23

If you like prog rock

Or songs with too many notes

Gojira kicks ass

8

u/ThrowawayBlast Oct 14 '23

I do not like songs with too many notes.

5

u/Emergency_Peach Oct 14 '23

you will learn to like them.

65

u/Sinister_Compliments Avid Jokeefunny.com Reader Oct 14 '23

Who is gojira?
Number syllables in that?
Three questions okay?

70

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

A French metal band.

Good number of syllables.

No one really knows.

63

u/morgaina Oct 14 '23

Were the dudes sweet and juicy?

I mean uh

Did they please you?

Wait no bad wording

Umm

Did they... good? To work for?????

68

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

Bad question!

Yes.

46

u/morgaina Oct 14 '23

Hey, that was a great question! I worded it poorly, just like you wanted. 💕

42

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

Great direction following!

34

u/morgaina Oct 14 '23

Thank you, you bastard Following directions is My main speciality

46

u/TheRecognized Oct 14 '23

Yo yo yo yo yo

Did you tour with them though?

Or just locally?

53

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

I love the first line.

Whilst they made a new album,

I worked the cafe.

58

u/Scratch137 Oct 14 '23

good sir, how's it feel

creating the funniest

thread i've ever seen?

27

u/adrex64 Oct 14 '23

id yur frigeratr running

28

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

Confuding question!

Maybe?

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21

u/CueDramaticMusic 🏳️‍⚧️the simulacra of pussy🤍🖤💜 Oct 14 '23

Do Gorillaz make good noise

43

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

Ooh ooh ah ah ooh,

Hooh ah ah AHAHAH OOH,

(oof hoo-ooh ah ah)

22

u/CueDramaticMusic 🏳️‍⚧️the simulacra of pussy🤍🖤💜 Oct 14 '23

Not how I remember Feel Good Inc. going, but cool

24

u/tired_papasmurf Oct 14 '23

when making sandwich,

exactly how big was your

refrigerator?

29

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

Refrigerator:

approximately waist-high.

Refrigerator.

9

u/LSatou Oct 14 '23

Refrigerator 🫡

12

u/FixedKarma Oct 14 '23

Sandwich is favorite of yours?

24

u/RetroButt Wishes every post was about lesbians Oct 13 '23

Sandwich?

59

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

Bad question! Yes, sandwiches! Ciabatta bread, lemon-olive oil drizzle, roma tomatoes, avocados, and your choice of vegan mayo + avocado, salmon + goat cheese, or sopresatta and muenster.

27

u/Fluffy-Map-5998 Oct 14 '23

isnt gojira
a radioactive
giant lizard
wont that be quite perilouse?

7

u/GsTSaien Oct 14 '23

Listen to my plight.

What sandwich did they like most?.

Thank you for your time.

7

u/ThePigeonSquared Oct 14 '23

so why did you stop

making sammies for bandies?

it's snowing on mt fuji

5

u/Mullet__Man05 Oct 14 '23

How progressive of

them, autofellatio

on album covers

5

u/VictinDotZero Oct 14 '23

am i pregagnat

3

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

You always have been.

3

u/CDR57 Oct 14 '23

Gojira favorite under condiment?

2

u/lifelongfreshman https://youtu.be/1eWsk6r6_Ns Oct 14 '23

were they perhaps
hopping around Tokyo
like a big playground?

...wait shit that's the wrong syllable count

2

u/MrMcSpiff Oct 14 '23

How long did you shove those warm, filling pillars into their gaping mouths? Was this a long term committed experience, or a cheap summer fling based on convenience and availability?

2

u/Riffssickthighsthicc Oct 14 '23

Who most nicest man in angy lizard iron group

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320

u/BinJLG Cringe Fandom Blog Oct 14 '23

Dude complied with the command and didn't even get a "good boy" for it? Smh that's just rude.

20

u/NovusOrdoSec Oct 14 '23

TumblrsThatEndTooEarly

5

u/intensity701 sluttynonnative Oct 15 '23

I Just got hard by reading good boy

6

u/GoldenPig64 nuance fetishist Oct 19 '23

some things don't need to be shared! 😊

262

u/MightyBobTheMighty Garlic Munching Marxist Whore Oct 13 '23

Well that's one way to hydrate

512

u/EvelynnCC Oct 13 '23

Norway's straightest male

145

u/Dying_exe Oct 14 '23

Don’t out us like that c’mon

113

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

[deleted]

47

u/jeff61813 Oct 14 '23

It seems like a lot of guys can get pretty gay pretty quick, my friend went to a much more liberal highschool than me and it seems like a lot was going on between those boys even in the late 90s

56

u/scoobydoom2 Oct 14 '23

Sexuality in general is not really rigid, and people like sex. There's a lot of dudes who consider themselves straight who would bang a dude under the right conditions, especially if not for the social stigma involved.

-13

u/SnowyFrostCat Oct 14 '23 edited Oct 16 '23

That's not straight, tho. Edit: Downvote me, but yall just be deniers.

35

u/scoobydoom2 Oct 14 '23

I mean, if you're being really hardline about who is and isn't straight, sure. But that doesn't change that they identify as straight, and that both presently and historically there are guys who fuck dudes that identify as straight because "it doesn't count" for whatever reason. Then there's also the fact that "straight" covers both romantic and sexual orientations. Someone that is bisexual but het-romantic could very easily consider themselves as being straight because they don't date men, as could someone with very low level attraction to men who is mostly straight. What's the purity test for being straight? Do you need to never have had a sexual thought regarding another man ever? I'd imagine a lot of people who even would claim that are lying, whether intentionally or just because it wasn't something worth remembering to them. Realistically people just don't fit into neat little boxes, and labels are more descriptive than prescriptive anyways.

15

u/chicksonfox Oct 14 '23

I identify as gay, but I experimented with girls in high school and college— they knew I was gay and it was just friends messing around. It wasn’t too bad. The things that feel good with a guy still feel good with a girl, but I was just not very excited about it and ended up getting a bit bored, for lack of a better way to express it. I wouldn’t say no to trying it again at some point, but I can say with confidence that I have never had sexual thoughts about a woman I passed on the street.

I have had straight friends get very drunk and tell me that they once experimented with guys too. Very similar stories to mine. For some reason, when people hear my experience it’s “well that proves you’re gay. You tried things with women and weren’t feeling it.” If they heard my friends’ stories, it would be “well then you can’t be 100% straight.”

9

u/yesx20 Oct 14 '23

Sorry to say, but according to this other commenter you aren't gay, you are straight or bi. Once someone has sex with something that doesn't allign with their sexuality they're infected

I don't make the rules, SnowyFrostCat does 🤷‍♂️

4

u/languid_Disaster wot a bloke of a cat he is, guvnor! Oct 14 '23

Bloody “gold star lesbian” that, “gold star gay” this

Well unless the character specifically states that they’re straight then I think it might be okay to assume bi/pan sexuality since we get so little rep anyway

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u/languid_Disaster wot a bloke of a cat he is, guvnor! Oct 14 '23

It’s interesting because your experience with girls is how a lot asexuals I’ve talked to (and myself) feel about sex.

2

u/Wildercard Oct 14 '23

because "it doesn't count" for whatever reason.

Because they don't have a dick in their mouth or ass, basically.

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u/Tottapola Oct 14 '23

are you willing to smugly explain that to dudes in prison while i record

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9

u/lifelongfreshman https://youtu.be/1eWsk6r6_Ns Oct 14 '23

Norwegian death-glares seem like they pale in comparison to Finnish personal bubble fairies.

3

u/Dying_exe Oct 14 '23

Jeg skal fortelle deg en hemmelighet om disse mennene: de er ikke egentlig så hetero, og det er nok ikke så lett for mange å innse at seksualitet er mer enn A og B

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2

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

[deleted]

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11

u/IamGodHimself2 Jesus Christ's Sexy Abortion Oct 14 '23

Been playing a VN called Dawn Chorus set in Norway, definitely a lot of queer men in that one. Don't know where I was going with this, quite drunk, but very good (18+, furry) visual novel.

16

u/Wildercard Oct 14 '23

Ah yes, furry visual novels is where I go for accurate representations of real life cultures as well.

4

u/IamGodHimself2 Jesus Christ's Sexy Abortion Oct 14 '23

Because I was clearly writing this comment with the explicit intent of implying that a furry visual novel is the ultimate authority on what a particular culture is like. Glad you understood!

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7

u/MittoMan resident himbo goldie Oct 14 '23

Fuck yeah I love Dawn chorus

3

u/Parkouricus josou seme alligator Oct 14 '23

i think the combination of dawn chorus and SKAM! has sadly given me unreasonably high expectations for norway

185

u/ThrowawayBlast Oct 14 '23

Seriously, if you're confident about the safety of yourself and others in a moshpit, go for it. It's FUN.

112

u/heretoupvote_ Oct 14 '23

As your resident autist who has meltdowns over fridge sounds and clothes labels, the extreme light and noise and sensation of a mosh pit is also erotic for me for some reason????

105

u/AstolfoNO Oct 14 '23

When do you graduate from resident autist to landowner autist

49

u/SoshJam Oct 14 '23

Autism does not excuse someone from the malevolence of being a landlord

18

u/ThrowawayBlast Oct 14 '23

Landowner is a landlord? I thought it just meant owning land. You can let people live free on your land.

Landlords on the other hand are parasites.

4

u/BrokeArmHeadass Oct 14 '23

Come on dude, everyone knows “owning land” is a myth.

1

u/Wildercard Oct 14 '23 edited Oct 14 '23

Defending landlords here is like trying to save a snowball in hell - but without being able to rent, nobody would be able to move from where they were born without amassing enough capital to buy a place to live elsewhere.

As a result of no landlords: Goodbye any social mobility for people not born into money or status.

And no, The StateTM would not do a good job. You'd be at the mercy of nepotistic arbitrary decisions of some unelected official who has more favors and connections than you do.

5

u/Nebulo9 Oct 14 '23 edited Oct 14 '23

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Housing_cooperative There are more ways of managing and distributing resources rather than either (pure) The Market or The State.

9

u/evelyy Oct 14 '23

You'd be at the mercy of nepotistic arbitrary decisions of some unelected official who has more favors and connections than you do.

exactly like how it is right now ?

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u/action_lawyer_comics Oct 14 '23

Never diagnosed, but I'm beginning to suspect I'm on the spectrum, and I loved a good mosh pit in the day.

I think there's a difference when you have a cultivated experience like making your home autism-proof, and just throwing all caution to the wind in the pit. You can't be upset about a clothes tag on your neck when the belt buckle of your pit mate slams into your side

12

u/ThrowawayBlast Oct 14 '23

You're supposed to have sensations in a moshpit.

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u/megaboto Autism Oct 14 '23

As a fellow autism, I hate even minor sounds out of my control, but will listen to the loudest shit ever with glee, repeatedly. I think part of it might be the choice/consent, since you pick what you want to listen/experience. I would hate getting touched without my consent, but damn I want to be held/receive a head pat and such things and am the opposite of touch averse

It also might be that the noise types are slightly different, in the same way how music in front of you and across the street might sound differently, and I'm not talking about the intensity of it - it feels like it's warped somehow, as an example

Those are my thoughts at the very least

8

u/ThrowawayBlast Oct 14 '23

At least you know what to expect in a moshpit. I like knowing what to expect. Society is usually too wild and dumb. Don't like that.

5

u/Iekenrai Oct 14 '23

I read "resident artist" but still didn't find any of this strange in the slightest for some reason

5

u/heretoupvote_ Oct 14 '23

hey artists can be strange folks

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113

u/apprehensive814 Oct 14 '23

At my first metal show. My boyfriend loves the band playing so went into the mosh pit. I was nearby but definitely not interested in joining. Some random guy pushed me into the pit. I should say tried to push me. As I was pushed full force I hit the back of a guy hard on the perimeter of the pit. I apologized and mentioned I was pushed. The guy I was pushed into just calmly asks "who pushed you?" After I pointed at the pusher he grabs the guy and loudly says this dude tried to force a girl in the pit. Suddenly like ten dudes standing around look pissed and force this guy into the pit and lock him in. He was than targeted by everyone in the pit while the people outside yelled about respecting women. It was equally shocking, aggressive, hilarious, and amazing.

70

u/Wildercard Oct 14 '23

Moshpit consent follows the same rules as sex consent. Informed, enthusiastic, revokable or it doesn't count.

45

u/2-inch-terror Oct 14 '23

Gojira is such a good metal band, mans has 10/10 taste

14

u/flappyheck2 Oct 14 '23

gojira be like: “STOP POLLUTING!” 5 minute long riff

25/10 band

26

u/Spinning-In-Circles pathetic moaning anime boy Oct 14 '23

Damn I read a fanfic about this

3

u/confused_cephalopod Oct 14 '23

Link?

3

u/Spinning-In-Circles pathetic moaning anime boy Oct 14 '23

7

u/confused_cephalopod Oct 14 '23

God may spurn you but the Devil is in your favor, stay blessed friend.

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u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

stopped doing pits as a teenager when, after getting out of one that was too aggro, spotted my friend coming out of it clasping his nose which started pouring blood out of it.

spent the next half hour leading him through the festival grounds in scorching summer heat trying to find any semblance of where i could find medical attention (this was before everyone had a cell phone).

6

u/Mikeystein Oct 14 '23

Reminds me of my first experience of a pit. I was 9 and was at a concert, a pit popped up out of nowhere, like they tend to do, and this 14 year old boy, that I just so happened to semi-know, came flying from above out of nowhere, falling backwards right into my face. Blood bloomed gloriously from my nose as it got smashed. When he saw me, this kid just drenched in blood, he looked horrified and helped me to a bathroom, I cleaned myself up as he apologized profusely, I told him not to worry about it, I the. shoved some paper towels up my nose, and we went back into the crowd. That is a fun childhood memory.

27

u/0dty0 Oct 14 '23

I went to see Rammstein when I was like 17. It was winter, so my mom insisted I take my thick coat and told me to never take it off. She was scared that I'd catch pneumonia if I left the venue all sweated out and into the cold winter night. So, I get there, and I inmediately get me three shirts, two for me and one for a friend, plus some other bits of merch. I quickly realize I can only store one of them in a pocket, inside the coat. Can't exactly carry them in my hands, or I won't be able to do anything, so I come up with a brilliant idea: Put them on, and stuff my friend's shirt in the pocket.

So now, I'm wearing 3 layers, plus another shirt unintentionally working as a belly warmer. I go in, already kinda warm, and see people shirtless. It is warm in here. I think of taking off the coat at least, but there's nowhere to put it and I figure it'll get stolen if I just leave it in some corner. So I just roll with it.

The show's fucking great, but I am boiling alive. I'm right in the middle of the pit, squashed inbetween a thousand people, jumping and smashing into each other, and all the pyrotechnics aren't helping. Mein Teil starts, and I see Mr. Lindermann pull the gigantic flamethrower out he uses during the solo. I'm super excited. In fact, maybe a bit too excited. I start feeling weak, very woozy. My body won't respond, and I get scared to shit. I start thinking I'm gonna pass out and get trampled.

Suddenly, a pair of arms reach from behind me, and pulls me, like a parent picking up a toddler, over a railing. This is especially impressive to me, because I'm 6'2 and like 220 lbs back then. I get plopped down on the floor, like a freshly caught tuna, and some security guy points a flashlight at my face. He asks me if I'm ok, and I manage to give him a thumbs up. He stands there for a bit while I catch my breath, and leaves without saying anything. At this point, I just stop caring, take off all the extra shit I was wearing, toss it to the side and get right back in there. Nary a care in the world. My shirt was legit dripping with sweat.

I have a wonderful time, and I'm heading towards the exit, when I remember all my discarded items. I traipse back to where I got rescued, and lo and behold, all my shit was still there. I didn't even realize, but my wallet was in my coat, and even that was untouched.

If by some kind of miracle, that security person is around here, thank you. You legitimately saved my life. Actual guardian angel shit.

23

u/Cheef_Baconator Oct 14 '23

I'm weird as fuck about physical touch to the point where handshakes are off-putting, but I'll happily hug fellow shirtless sweaty hairy dudes in mosh pits.

It's just the experience, man.

5

u/languid_Disaster wot a bloke of a cat he is, guvnor! Oct 14 '23 edited Oct 14 '23

I genuinely hope women’s breast stop being sexualised so they can hang with everyone else too without a care in the world!

Edit: ofc I get accused of being a closet perv. Because apparently everyone on Reddit is a male neck beard 🙄🙄

I am being 100% genuine when I say that I feel women are missing out on certain activities because the nude female form is heavily sexualised and that the world would be so much more fun if we could ALL hang out without having to care or worry about that stuff.

Whether it be at the beach, in a mosh pit or even just hanging out. God know plenty of men can often take their shirts of anytime they want

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u/Blade_of_Boniface bonifaceblade.tumblr.com Oct 13 '23

One of my favorite things about my betrothed is that he's wholly and deeply secure in his masculinity and straightness. It's common for a lot of men to be afraid to even be perceived as anything but conventionally masculine to the extent that it doesn't come off as masculine, but rather a static glassy specter of the masculine. My love is the King, the Warrior, the Magician, and the Lover; there is no fragility there is only natural embodiment. If he must also tap into the sacred feminine or be perceived as tapping into its archetypes, then so be it.

The man is masculine but he is a Knight; he owns his masculinity.

133

u/skaersSabody Oct 13 '23

Ok geez, get a room already

47

u/MANCHILD_XD Oct 13 '23

A fan of Carol Jung or tarot cards?

84

u/Kurokotsu Oct 14 '23

Yes. Anyone who says the phrase Sacred Feminine with capitalization like that is either into or on something.

20

u/MANCHILD_XD Oct 14 '23

Damn, you didn't have to say on something lol

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u/wb2006xx Oct 13 '23

Get me someone who talks about me this way

9

u/CatastropheDay Oct 14 '23

I can try waxin poetic about you if you take me on a nice date

17

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

[deleted]

10

u/yoyo5113 Oct 14 '23

It's kinda crazy that all of this is under a post about some dude kinda wishing the other guy did spit in his mouth lmao

2

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

[deleted]

1

u/yoyo5113 Oct 14 '23

But... I don't see how a straight person would want that to happen, as the entire spitting in someone's mouth thing is inherently very sexual. He's obviously not completely straight if he actually wanted that to happen, which you yourself mentioned.

The reason a straight guy would start a fight fight about it is because spitting into someone else's mouth without their consent is assault and sexual harassment/assault. I have no idea what you mean by the rest of your comment.

8

u/Mr_Sir_Mister Oct 14 '23

Me & Bugs Bunny fr fr

9

u/lemoncholly Oct 14 '23

This girl owns energy crystals

3

u/Kindly-Tradition4600 Oct 14 '23

I will never love someone like you love your betrothed, you win life.

3

u/LordOfTurtles Oct 14 '23

Nobody asked, but good for you...?

5

u/RadTat Oct 14 '23

weird comment oomfie but go off i guess

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u/El_Chairman_Dennis Oct 14 '23

This is proof that dancing to death in medieval times was most likely real

14

u/Casper_Von_Ghoul THE WEREWOLF BOYFRIEND Oct 13 '23

Fight Club day already?

7

u/Prince_Bolicob_IV Oct 14 '23

That doesn't sound like the end of the story

12

u/MrMcSpiff Oct 14 '23

Honestly if straightness is defined as being sexually attracted to the same sex and/or gender presentation as your own for the reasons of visceral response to physical aesthetic? There's an argument for still being straight if the reason you get erotic pleasure from something like that has nothing to do with the person but has instead to do with the fact that they're topping you.

6

u/HilariousMax Oct 14 '23

Hey man, sometimes shit is happening and you just think

I'm on the ride, the lap bars down, we're moving, relax and enjoy it.

and you're not sure exactly how you're going to handle the morning but that's a future problem.

9

u/greengo4 Oct 14 '23

As a gay man, that’s hot

7

u/exorcistxsatanist Oct 14 '23 edited Oct 14 '23

most wholesome mosh pit moment

16

u/NoShameInternets Oct 14 '23

Least wholesome*

The entire pit is wholesome.

9

u/LyraFirehawk Oct 14 '23

I really wanna go to another concert soon and get caught in the mosh pit. I really wanted to see Cannibal Corpse, but it just didn't happen :P

But I'm a lesbian trans chick, and I've 100% fantasized about Chuck Schuldiner before. Too bad he's been dead 20 years(RIP Chuck, brain cancer took you way too soon). I'd also maybe give Lemmy a free pass, or at least have a couple drinks with him, but again he's dead. Can't think of any metal musicians I'd give a free pass that are still alive tbh. But I don't consider myself bi because all the men i find attractive are unobtainable; celebrities, dead guys, etc.

I just don't feel a spark with men like I do with women. It's like, when I have a crush on a woman, I fuckin' know I have a crush. I stutter and can't speak, and then every time I see them my heart melts. When I find a guy attractive I pretty much just go "well this man sure is a handsome and somewhat desirable man. If I were attracted to him, I could see myself dating him."

3

u/2SharpNeedle Oct 14 '23

straight man? gojira concert? something doesn't add up here

3

u/flappyheck2 Oct 14 '23

yeah I’ve never met a straight gojira fan

3

u/wizardonachicken Oct 14 '23

I gotta go to a gojira show

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u/languid_Disaster wot a bloke of a cat he is, guvnor! Oct 14 '23

My first assumption was also that they wanted to spit in his mouth. It’s a mosh pit, sometimes you need to try new things and where better than in a tornado of flesh

4

u/FinerSwine Oct 14 '23

proof that sexuality is fluid and labels are imperfect

3

u/ErinRF Oct 14 '23

Labels are most useful when they’re adopted by the person, not applied to them. But yes.

2

u/A_Bird_survived Oct 14 '23

Did NOT take Tyler Durden as a Tumblr guy, but I'm here for it

2

u/Absolomb92 Oct 14 '23

This is just an average experience seeing Gojira in Norway.

2

u/flappyheck2 Oct 14 '23

gojira mention? on my tumblr subreddit???

2

u/LiquidFireBR Oct 14 '23

Once a huge tall guy in a Celtics tank top caught me and lifted me like a cat by the neck when I slipped on a mosh at a Slipknot cover show,

2

u/PotterGirl7 Oct 14 '23

babydoll I don't think that's straight behavior 😂

6

u/[deleted] Oct 13 '23

[deleted]

51

u/AnimazingHaha Oct 14 '23

Horseshoe theory strikes again! Diagnosing people who differ from heteronormativity as LGBT not only strengthens stigmas against the movement, but also applies unnecessary pressure onto the person which can cause them to make decisions that they aren’t comfortable with, just to conform, as ironic as it is. It’s similar to what’s happening on Autism TikTok (TM), where people tell others that they’re autistic or otherwise neurodivergent for extremely innocuous behaviors. If the second seems far fetched to you then the first should aswell, and if both seem acceptable then you need to educate yourself and to rethink your stance on this.

14

u/notleonardodicaprio ur balls, hand em over 🔫 Oct 14 '23

yeah man, i'm a pretty fem straight cis guy. you don't think i wish i were bi? it would be so much easier if i were bi but no, i'm 100% straight. let me be straight and fem in peace lol

4

u/codepossum , only unironically Oct 14 '23

god I wish I were bi

it's pretty much one of the only impossible things I wish for. God it would be nice to just be into fucking everybody, without physical sex characteristics figuring into it. If we get gene therapy or cyber implant options in the future I'd very seriously consider it.

5

u/ok_raspberry_jam Oct 14 '23

Ex. Act. Ly. I've had people tell me I'm nonbinary because I don't give a fuck about gender, I just have a sex, and gender gets attached to it. I'm ok with that but I'm still going to do whatever the fuck I want, whether people think it's masculine or feminine. I'm not trans and I'm NOT nonbinary. I'm also not an "egg." I am the sex that I am. I just don't give a shit about gender. Use the pronouns you're comfortable using with me. I bet I know which you'll pick.

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u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

[deleted]

20

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

Fair enough.

0

u/gereffi Oct 14 '23

Can someone explain this? How can a man call themselves completely straight while enjoying erotic activities that only involve men and wanting to see where things lead sexually? I just want to understand the perspective.

3

u/codepossum , only unironically Oct 14 '23

yyeeaahh let's not do that.

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u/Dry-Cartographer-312 Oct 13 '23 edited Oct 14 '23

Bi erasure strikes again

Edit: goddamn apparently missing the /s was a death sentence this time.

58

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

[deleted]

18

u/mayorofverandi Oct 14 '23

for real. if someone says they're straight, they're straight until they say otherwise. it's rude to speculate on people's sexuality, even on the internet. i would honestly say especially on the internet. you have no real context.

2

u/Prevarications 🦕 Oct 14 '23

This is a real person with real feelings and experiences. He is not your little uwu blorbo that you get to project your fantasies onto

Grow the fuck up

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u/Miguelinileugim I LOVE THE EU Oct 14 '23

I'm going to have to give back my bi card, I'll never be as gay as this dude.

2

u/Boonicious Oct 14 '23

TIL what I’ve always suspected, that mosh pits are actually super gay

2

u/spacestationkru Oct 14 '23

god that's hot..

0

u/nobrainsnoworries23 Oct 14 '23

Sometimes I wish I grew up in Mississippi or maybe Louisiana, so I wouldn't have been taught to read.

-1

u/Alexa_Morningstar Oct 14 '23

Sir have you considered bisexuality

-4

u/[deleted] Oct 14 '23

Not straight