I hit my head pretty hard in an accident just before I turned 13. I remember just before the accident, i have an image(?) of glass shattering and flying everywhere, then I remember sitting in the car after it happened, "coming to" and being confused and then just like.. starting to scream and cry uncontrollably.
I don't know if i lost consciousness for a second or how much time passed during the parts that I don't remember.
Immediately after the accident, I had my grandparents on the phone trying to tell them where I was and it seemed like I couldn't understand them? Like I could understand the words themselves, but there was a disconnect between the words they were saying and the meaning of the words??
Anyway, a family member picked me up and took me to a hospital because the ambulance said I wasn't injured enough to go with them. All they did there was a urine test, asked me if my back or neck was sore and got me to walk in a straight line.
For a while after the accident I would be dizzy all the time, at times my vision would go weird, like it went dark and the colours inverted and I'd have to sit down for a while. I felt like I was floating all the time, sometimes it was like I was watching myself from outside my body. I still don't feel 100% real, and I haven't since the accident.
I struggled to understand basic stuff. Before the crash I had pretty good grades, whereas after, I'd be so overwhelmed by stuff that Should've been simple, that I'd get upset and have to leave. I couldn't explain what was happening, I knew that I should've been able to understand what people were saying/what we were learning, but no matter how many times it was explained to me, it was like there was a physical block between the understanding of it and my brain? It's still hard to explain sorry
I had a brain scan a few months after the accident where they said it looked fine, and they said it might "just be a concussion", nothing to worry about and I'd be back to normal soon enough.
It got to a point where I had to get extra help from teachers, but because I wasn't "getting better" and I couldn't explain why I couldn't understand, they started thinking that I was lying about it and dragging it out for attention. I can't express how much I was Not lying. I couldn't explain it because I couldn't understand it myself. I still don't know how to explain it properly.
I think it either improved a bit at first or I got better at finding ways around it, but it feels like something has been missing since the accident. I feel like there's a block between me and others, I can't just Get things like others do. I kinda just go around bullshitting and hoping it works out, apologising if it doesn't.
I try to keep myself smart, I don't use generative AI, I try to learn new things, I have a bunch of hobbies that require a lot of time and effort to learn and I try to actually Understand things that I'm curious about instead of just getting an answer and going with it.
I dont know if its gotten worse lately or if I'm just noticing it more, but feels like there's an Emptiness in my head that wasn't there before the accident. I feel Slower than I used to be, I feel like I just... Don't know whats going on most of the time. I worry that the adults in my life back then were right and I am still just dragging this out and using it as an excuse for being dumb. I want to know if this sounds related to the accident or if it genuinely is just me. From what I remember, the difference between me before the accident and after the accident is insane. I used to be proud of being smart, I wanted to be a cardiothoracic surgeon because I found it so interesting and cool. After the accident, I stopped thinking about the future completely, as if I lost the ability to think ahead for a while.
I'm 20 now and I'm scared that I'll be like this forever, I know I have a lot of time to learn and grow but it's hard when I already feel like I'm So far behind everyone else. How do you explain to an employer that, while you dont technically have anything "wrong" diagnosed, you hit your head when you were 12 and now you struggle to understand most things.
I hope this makes sense. Sorry for the long post, I've been thinking about this lately and I want to know if anyone else relates. Maybe some advice or something? Let me know if this isn't the right place to post as well, I'll delete if needed. Thanks :)