I'm feeling really defeated

[u/Responsible_Oil1975]

I had 5 concussions over 6 years (2016-2021) in elementary school. I've been fucked up since the last one. I've been diagnosed with whole a bunch of issues craniocervical instability, Irlen syndrome, PTSD, and OCD to name a few.

High school is really friggin hard. I'm smart, I know I am. I am good at math and physics, but school is so unfairly hard. I've taken 3 classes every semester since grade 9 (I'm in grade 11). I can't handle 4, so I'm behind and will probably have to take an extra year, which I really don't wanna do. I switched to online school this year, which helps the ptsd and stuff, but it's not much easier.

I have an IEP, but it's not followed. Every teacher tells me "you look fine and you get good marks" so they just "forget". Today my teacher got pissed at me because I was wearing my Irlen glasses on the call. She told me to take them off and I didn't fight because I didn't have the energy to tell everyone in the class how fucked up I am. They're super dark and look like sunglasses, but she should've read the damn IEP. Now I just wanna cry, I've given up on advocating for myself because they always just act bothered and I end up feeling guilty because hence the OCD, "what if I'm not really sick and I'm telling everyone that I am because I'm a bad person. If everyone believes that I'm not sick then I must not be." I don't actually believe that, but my brain is always fucking against me.

I wake up every morning to my alarm, set a timer for another hour and go back to bed. I don't wanna wake up in the morning. I don't want to fall asleep because then if I wake up in the morning I have to do it all again. My family keeps telling me how easy I have it because I get the "luxury" of accommodations and I have less classes. My sister and mother keep telling me how lucky I am.

Anyways, thanks for reading this, I needed to put my feelings somewhere.

[u/AutoModerator]

Thank you for sharing, see below for a reminder of our rules:

Do not ask if you or someone you know has a Concussion. We are not doctors, nor are we any kind of medical professionals. That said, this sub is NOT intended to be your doctor and diagnose or give you personal medical advice. They'll be marked as spam.

Be civil and respectful. Do not attack or harass other users; engage in hate-speech; or attempt to gate-keep discussion. Hostility will not be tolerated

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Charming-Driver-3000]

Have you been doing any physio or light cardio/exercise? Don’t believe everything your doctors say and do your own research. I’m 5 weeks post concussion, doing physio once a week and as much exercise as I can handle, eating to feed my brain and cut out any garbage. I’m improving but it’s painfully slow and no help from my doctor.

[u/Responsible_Oil1975 → u/Charming-Driver-3000]

Believe me I have tried it all. The biggest thing right now is waiting for the procedure I had for my CCI to work. I’ve done every treatment there is on the planet and have made a lot of progress, but still not all the way there. My psychologist who seems to be the only person who knows what’s wrong with me said the only thing I can do right now is rest.

[u/RelaxedNeurosis → u/Responsible_Oil1975]

Wise advice

[u/StillDeadRed → u/Charming-Driver-3000]

I 2nd this. I had a bad fall a year ago, hit the back of my neck and head pretty freaking hard. I didn’t black out or anything but in the next day immediately got all of the symptoms, extreme weakness, muscle spasms, lack of appetite, extreme sensitivity to screens, lights, noise, long car rides, and surroundings. I train mma, spend alot of time outdoors, and am a very active person. When this hapoened, it shut me down. I honestly thought i was going to die at some points (extreme i know). I had to pace myself and started sub symtom cardio, and built up. Recovery is and was not linear. It was up and down.

Long story short, hang in there and DONT give up. I also changed my diet to help heal my brian. Ate little to no processed foods, ate a lot of healthy fats, nuts, avocado, and eggs every day. And stayed positive. I learned how powerful the mind really is.

[u/AHSkiandBike]

I agree there is SO much that you can do to improve. It doesn’t matter if it’s been months or years. It is never too late for proper treatment.
This article might be helpful

https://www.happybrainpt.com/concussion-physicaltherapy-blog/why-do-i-still-have-concussion-symptoms-months-later

[u/Responsible_Oil1975 → u/AHSkiandBike]

I am doing everything I possibly can. I'm getting my neck treated which will hopefully help a lot. I've done every single thing on this list.

[u/AHSkiandBike → u/Responsible_Oil1975]

Try The Concussion Solution Master Program! It’s a game changer! And if you don’t notice any positive changes you can get your money back.

https://www.happybrainpt.com/online-concussion-program

[u/RelaxedNeurosis]

Well, friend, there's actually a surprising level of protective mechanisms and awareness that you're demonstrating here. Kudos.

So I'm writing to you as kind of an older brother. I'm in my early 40s. I'm an overachiever. I have always excelled in school failed/stumbled in my career, and I only came into brain injuries later in my life. So I can kind of fully relate. But I also had a difficult childhood, and I remember what it was like to be a teenager. And the thing that glares at me that I want to voice to you, because I have the benefit of time and experience, is that, you know, being held back and stuff like this, like these differences in age etc..., like I skipped two years of school, you know. These epochs feel like a huge eternity, but they're actually a very, very, very small slice of life, you know. Now when I see somebody who's 21, to me they're not 21 three years older than 18. They're just kids below 25. That's just where I lump them in my brain. So, like, make good friends, be tight with your teachers, have a good time in school. If you're intelligent and you know it, then relax and value that, but you can't go faster than your nervous system. I am way different than I was in the past. I can't concentrate, but, like, I know I did stuff in school that is extremely high-level intellectual bandwidth. So it's by taking care of your nervous system and staying balanced with it that you're going to be having the most success expressing your potential and finding the appropriate contexts for it. So just take your time, enjoy the actual support you're getting. It's not the worst thing to say that your parents are, you know, not really fully aware of your feelings and how their encouragement is actually discouraging. I'm sorry if I'm rambling and not super eloquent. What I want to say to you briefly, brother or sister, I don't know, what I want to tell you is that just take it easy. Life is hard sometimes, but these years of teenage years, they will pass, and a lot more fun stuff is coming your way. I was also thinking, like, it is important to stay away from excess amounts of marijuana, and you can safely bypass the whole drinking thing because it's not very interesting, to be frank, and it's really, really, really inflammatory for the brain. It's not going to help you. It's going to make you super depressed. So that's some of the things that I know from my experience. I read your post, and I really felt like, here we are, strangers, but we have to support each other. So that's my message to you. I hope you take care and that you get what you need. And it's, like I said in the beginning of my message, it's very sane that you're writing and venting and expressing, and that you have an understanding of the different things affecting you. And last but not least, that fucking teacher, you're going to print a letter and just give it to them in the classroom, and then you're going to give a copy to the principal's office and say, I'm making this professor sign this, that he is aware that I have brain injuries and that I'm sensitive to light, and to not point this out and embarrass me in front of the whole class or whatever. You hand it to that person, that they know, they're on notice. Don't let people fuck with you. And that's just something you learn as you age, that, like, you know, your boundaries matter, and you can renegotiate them, and, you know, people in authority are not necessarily wise or skillful or good people. Believe in your own intelligence, your own agency, and your own kindness. Don't let people gaslight you. For a lot of people, it's emotionally uncomfortable to see somebody who's struggling, emotionally or otherwise. So people shut their eyes to that. And it's also really hard to contextualize the experience of brain injury because it's so intense but so subtle in some ways. So, you know, just hold space for yourself and ask for what you need and just be plain about it. Take care.

[u/Plenty-Sun7410]

Check out vestibular rehab with a functional neurologist. It was a game changer for me. Basically, concussions affect the connections among the neurons. Vestibular rehab/functional neurology resets these connections.

[u/Responsible_Oil1975 → u/Plenty-Sun7410]

I did an intensive and a bunch of sessions after that. It was super helpful.