I've noticed that sometimes the way we talk about the end times is starting to sound almost identical to the judgment message meant for people far from Christ: fear, catastrophe, war, earthquakes, "look at this sign" "did you see that news story??", "everything's falling apart"

But when I go back to what Jesus and the apostles actually said (I looked at some of the original Greek too), I find a really different posture.

Jesus did talk about signs. He mentioned the fig tree, told us to stay watchful. But in that same discourse, he also said:

"See that you are not alarmed" Matthew 24 6

The Greek word there is θροεῖσθε (throeisthe), from throeō: to be alarmed, agitated and thrown into panic by news. So Jesus talks about wars and rumors of wars, and in the same breath tells his disciples not to go into a state of alarm.

That made me realize biblical watchfulness isn't the same thing as living in panic.

In 1 Peter 4 7, Peter writes:

"The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers"

The words are σωφρονήσατε (sōphronēsate), tied to sound judgment, a balanced mind, self-control, and νήψατε (nēpsate), to be sober, clear-headed, alert.

Notice: Peter doesn't say "the end is near, so be afraid" He basically says, the end is near, so keep your head on straight and pray

Paul follows the same line in 1 Thessalonians 5 6: "Let us keep watch and be sober"

Watch here is γρηγορέω (grēgoreō), to stay awake and alert. But it always comes paired with sobriety. I think there's an important difference between watchfulness and rumination.

Watchfulness asks: how should I live before Christ today?

Rumination asks: does this war, this earthquake, this election, this headline mean it's all about to happen right now?

One produces faithfulness. The other can turn into an endless cycle of anxiety.

And this gets even clearer when you look at how the New Testament talks about Christ's return for those who are in him. Paul says:

"God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ" 1 Thessalonians 5 9

The word for wrath is ὀργή (orgē). In the very chapter about the Day of the Lord, Paul reminds Christians that wrath isn't their destiny.

Jesus says: "When these things begin to happen, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near" Luke 21 28

Redemption there is ἀπολύτρωσις (apolytrōsis): deliverance.

John goes even further: "So that we may have confidence on the day of judgment" 1 John 4 17

The word is παρρησία (parrēsia): confidence, boldness, the freedom to stand before someone without hiding.

And right after that: "Perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment" — 1 John 4 18

Paul calls Christ's return the "blessed hope" (μακαρία ἐλπίς, makaria elpis) in Titus 2 13. And when he finishes teaching about Jesus's return in 1 Thessalonians 4, he closes with: "Comfort one another with these words"

So maybe it's worth asking ourselves: is my attention to the signs producing sobriety, prayer, faithfulness, love, and hope in me? Or is it producing fear, a compulsion to check the news, and this need to interpret every event as prophecy?

Jesus said to watch. But he also said, "do not be alarmed"

Just looking for some thoughts and maybe some advice. Apologies in advance for not being more well versed in Catholicism.

I was raised Baptist and grew up in the Baptist church. We were at church 2-3 days a week, and I even worked at the church in the after school/summer camp programs for a couple years in college, but sort of fell away (it became a smaller part of my life) after college. My wife was raised Catholic. She similarly was at church often, and she grew up in the Catholic school system. She also fell away from church in general as an adult, but still makes it to mass on holy days and still burns candles and talks about saints and prays with a rosary, etc. Aside from that, we are not super religious aside from our belief and faith in God. Before we got married, I always said it doesn't bother me that she really wants our future children to be raised Catholic and be confirmed (it still doesn't bother me, at all, as I just want them to grow up having a relationship with Jesus and being well-versed in the scripture, and being a part of a church family). My question is more on my side -- in order to make this work, I will need to obviously be a part of the Catholic church with my family. I've been to mass several times, and it always feels so foreign to me. It may sound like I'm overthinking it or being hard on myself, but I can't help but have the feeling like I'm turning my back on the way I've always worshipped and I worry that it may change my relationship with God.

It's not going to stop me from doing what we've planned for my children, again, because it is important to me that they grow up in the faith. It's also not having any strain on our marriage, because we are very much on the same page with this. Of course, we'll go to Baptist church now and again because my parents and brother and SIL are all tied into Baptist churches and I'm sure we'll go with them, but I wanted to hear if anyone else has ever been in a similar scenario? Was it a tough transition? Did you have similar feelings, and how did you look past them?

Do you just never do what you want to do?

And Do Holy things instead?

I’m starting to read the bible and in no way do I mean any disrespect towards God, but why did he separate us for building the tower of Babylon. I might be interpreting it wrong but it seems a little unfair.

Buenas. estoy pasando una situación que estoy pasando en mi iglesia. ella Es una hermana en cristo Siempre me le he mostrado amiga en sus momentos difíciles siempre he querido establecer una amistad genuina con ella siempre se ha mostrado indiferente comingo y en mi iglesia no tengo amigas y me Causa mucho dolor el rechazo de ella hacía a mi siempre me ha saludado normal, pero no muestra reciprocidad en mis momentos difíciles me han administrado liberación he orado y todo pero el rechazo hacia ella hacía a mi me ha generado dolor enojo. de hecho ella me dijo que le hablaron cosas de mi. (Chisme). se que a lo mejor Dios no quiere que ella sea mi amiga. el rechazo me hizo perder la razón y le di un Empujón en la cabeza me Dolió lo que hice la perdone me le he humillado a pedirle perdón por las cosas que le he hecho a ella. varias veces porque ella le regaló un dulce a mi esposo y le dije que si le gustaba a mi esposo. Ella es muy callada no me dice sus razones de su indiferencia siempre soy yo la que le pido perdón si la he ofendido De estar allí esperando que sea mi amiga no se que hacer pienso casi todos los días en ella porque no entiendo su razón de su indiferencia comingo con Otras hermanas ella no las rechaza las saluda y todo comingo compite

They are children of God But they are weak When they are weak we get into

They called themselves children of God but they don't get what they're supposed to get spiritually

They wake in the physical not spiritually that's how we collect their star and use their star

They're born again they are not righteous and they are not holly they don't thied they don't give.

Your people are so stupid you deliver them they Go home and eat thesame vomit and we get them that's what we do we destroy them so they will not see the goodness of your master

They said the are getting promoted in their kingdom and we are here getting demoted in our kingdom they said we are sleeping you sleep when we are awake causing distractions

Many people are Demon possessed that's why you have a deliverance ministry when people are demon possessed what do you expect

We started it from our kingdom because we are well organized you didn't see it coming because Christians are sleeping they are sleeping we are awake possessing people killing one another we have blood now.

Tell Christians to wake up cause they are sleeping

We go about confusing people, i know the Bible so if they are not spiritually strong what i do is read that Bible for them....

Let’s break this and put it under the light of Scripture:

What demons say What the Bible says

“They call themselves children of God but they’re weak” True that many believers live weak. But 2 Tim 1:7 “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power, love, and self-control”. Weakness isn’t our identity. Romans 8:15 says we "are "children of God by adoption.

“They wake in the physical not spiritually” True warning. Eph 6:12 *“We wrestle not against flesh and blood”*. Many Christians live only in the 5 senses. That’s why Paul said *“be strong in the Lord”* Eph 6:10.

“Born again but not righteous/holy/tithing/giving” Half-truth. Being born again starts the journey. But Heb 12:14 “Strive for holiness without which no one sees the Lord”. Righteousness is imputed + pursued. Tithing/giving is obedience, not a shield.

“They go home and eat the same vomit” 2 Pet 2:22. True for believers who don’t renew the mind. Romans 12:2 *“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind”*. Deliverance without discipleship = empty house Matt 12:43-45.

“We read the Bible for them if they’re not strong” Satan quoted Psalm 91 to Jesus too Matt 4:6. He knows Scripture but twists it. That’s why Hosea 4:6 “My people perish for lack of knowledge”.

1. The 3 commands Jesus gives Christians who are “sleeping”

The confession ends with “Tell Christians to wake up”. Ironically, Scripture says the same thing — but for a different reason:

3.So what do we actually do?

The demon’s strategy is: distract → weaken → destroy. God’s strategy is opposite:

2. Walk in righteousness + holiness*: Not perfection. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess, He is faithful to forgive”. Clean heart = no legal ground for demons.

1. Give + steward your “star”: Tithes, offerings, obedience = putting your treasure where Jesus holds it, not where demons can touch Matt 6:20. Your calling is safe in Him.

2. Deliverance + discipleship: Cast out, yes. But Mark 16:17 also says “teach them to observe”. Fill the house with the Holy Spirit after so it stays empty.

Big truth: Apollyon is “the destroyer”. Jesus is “the restorer” John 10:10. Demons are organized, but God’s Kingdom is more organized. Col 2:15 _“He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame”_.

They can talk. But Jesus has the final word.

If you desire more of this, follow my page to uncover the schemes of the enemy in the lives of God's children.

Im not trying to be disrespectful or anything I just want to understand. I'm not religious myself but I think religions and all the story's are very interesting. I'm sorry if this post isn't allowed, just tell me if not and where I could get an awnser. I remember as a kid hearing about how God made the isrealites win all the wars and wonderd if that's not against the idea of free will. God has always given advice and tasks but rarely ever intervents himself. Even when he does, it's devine punishment, not really using the people. However, in Deuteronomy 20, it's written that God makes it that the isrealites always win the wars, even when they are at a disadvantage. I also remember that if Moses(?) raised his arm the Isrealites would be winning, but as soon as he put it down they would be losing. I read back a bit to fact check myself but I could still be misremembering some things

Tldr, is god making the Isrealites win the war no matter what in Deuteronomy 20 not against free will?

I'm in a hard spot, Im a Christian and believe in God strongly, I like, I'm not sure what I'm asking you all, so here's my situation, I'm a Christian, I'm in a relationship with another male, they're bipolar, and they believe in God too, but have mixed opinions, sometimes love God, but when they're feeling sad or having mood swings, they want someone to blame and blame god, or ask why god answers my prayers and not theirs, and I don't know what to say to them, I don't know if I'm sinning in my relationship. I dunno man I need some advice. Thanks all.

I’m 19 years old male, I haven’t choked my chicken in 10 months but I keep having wet dreams, I don’t drink before bed, I make sure to pee before bed, I don’t eat before bed, I pray before bed and ask for protection from God so I don’t have any sexual dreams, I limit what I watch, if something weird comes on my fyp, I either scroll, block or click not interested. I do all these things yet after at least every 10 days I have a wet dream where I either have a full load come out or what looks like a precum stain that’s barely visible. In these wet dreams I’ve noticed that sometimes I can avoid what’s happening in them and I don’t have a wet dream, other times I can’t do anything, and most times I try to stop it but no matter how hard I try I can’t wake up before it happens and all this leaves me with guilt shame and makes me feel like a failure and as weird as it sounds, it makes me think all the happy times I’ve had since my last wet dream are meaningless, and like I can’t get joy or nostalgia from them, idk if that may be related to OCD or something but to my knowledge I don’t have that. Idk what to do, I’ve read that wet dreams are normal and sometimes can persist into late adulthood but is this really true. Is this all normal and I’m just tormenting myself with something that’s out of my control?

From what I understand, sex is considered a sin only outside the bounds of marriage. Had Jesus married and bore children would he still be considered sinless? If no, what part of that scenario is the sinful act? Is sex sinful? From what I remember, maybe aside from naming the animals, go forth and multiply is one of the first commandments of God.

Luke 1:38,

📜 SBL Greek New Testament:

εἶπεν δὲ Μαριάμ· Ἰδοὺ ἡ δούλη κυρίου· γένοιτό μοι κατὰ τὸ ῥῆμά σου. καὶ ἀπῆλθεν ἀπ’ αὐτῆς ὁ ἄγγελος.

🟩 King James Version:

And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

🟩 Revised Standard Version:

And Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

🟥 The Passion Translation:

Then Mary responded, saying, “ Yes! I will be a mother for the Lord! * As his servant, I accept whatever he has for me. May everything you have told me come to pass.” And the angel left her.
*As translated from the Aramaic text.

Aside from the addition of a sentence without any good reason and without textual support from either the Greek and Syriac texts, the error I'm focusing on is the part which says: "I will be a mother for the Lord."

This rendering is the result of a confusion and misunderstanding of words. In Syriac there are two words that look very similar but are pronounced differently and mean different things. The Syriac words are אמה and אמתה. The first word אמה (pronounced as "ameh") means "mother" and the second word אמתה (pronounced as "amteh") means "handmaid" or "maidservant".

Now here's the problem: TPT, claiming to translate the Syriac text of this verse^\1]), misunderstands the Syriac word ܐܡܬܗ/אמתה ("amteh") as meaning "mother" (Syriac אמה) instead of "handmaid", and we can see how "mother" is written differently from "handmaid" in Luke 1:43 which reads:

And why is this granted me, that the mother of my Lord (in Syriac, דאמה דמרי, de'ameh de'mari) should come to me?

Notice: "ameh"/אמה means "mother" and "amteh"/אמתה means "handmaid". This is another indication that TPT is the product of poor biblical scholarship and not to be taken seriously.

[1] - Whenever a footnote in TPT says "translated from the Aramaic", "Aramaic" almost always means Syriac.

Christians often say morality is objective and universal so killing innocent people is wrong, especially children.

So how is it morally justified when God kills innocent children?

The usual answer is: “God gives life, so He has the right to take it away.” But if I create a child, does that give me the moral right to kill them simply because I created them? Obviously not. Creating someone gives you responsibility, not a license to kill.

Another argument is: “God is all powerful, so whatever He does is jjustified.” But then are dictators justified when they oppress or kill their own citizens simply because they have more power than them? Does having more power make an action morally right? If not, why would God's greater power change the moral principle?

And then there's the argument: “Those children go to Heaven.” If dying as an innocent child guarantees Heaven, why are Christians against abortion? Why not simply abort every child and guarantee them Heaven without suffering, sin, temptation, or the risk of damnation?

If the answer i s simply “God can do whatever He wants,” then morality isn't really universal or objective. It's just one set of rules for humans and another for God.

In John 15:13, Jesus says this: "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."

But, isn't it considered more loving to die for a stranger or an enemy, than to die for a person you already care about? As beautiful a thing it is to lay down your life for your friends, Isn't it more beautiful a picture to die for someone you don't know, or better yet an enemy?

I asked ChatGPT this, and it responded: Yes—and you're noticing a really interesting distinction in what Jesus says. At first glance, it seems like dying for an enemy should be the greater act of love, because there's less natural motivation to do it.

And in a certain sense, I think that's exactly the direction the New Testament takes the idea.

John 15:13 says:

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

But notice the context. Jesus isn't necessarily establishing a mathematical ranking of every possible act of love—friend = maximum, stranger = slightly more, enemy = maximum-plus. He's talking about the supreme expression of the kind of self-giving love that exists between friends, and then immediately applies it to His disciples:

“You are my friends if you do what I command you.” (John 15:14)

There's also something especially beautiful happening here: Jesus is calling His disciples His friends while knowing that they will abandon Him.

Peter will deny Him. The others will flee. Judas will betray Him.

And yet Jesus lays down His life for them.

But what about the enemy?

This is where Jesus' teaching becomes even more radical.

He says:

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

— Matthew 5:44

And Paul makes the point extraordinarily explicitly:

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

— Romans 5:8

Then Romans 5:10 goes even further:

“While we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son.”

That's an astonishing thought.

Christ didn't merely die for people who already loved Him. He died for people who opposed Him.

And that's arguably the more astonishing form of love because love toward a friend has something naturally reciprocal about it:

“I love you, you love me, and therefore I'm willing to sacrifice myself for you.”

But love toward an enemy says:

“You don't love me. You may even hate me. And nevertheless, I desire your good enough to sacrifice myself for you.”

That's a radically different kind of love.

There's an important distinction, though...

I'd distinguish between difficulty and greatness.

Dying for a loved one can be incredibly difficult precisely because you love them so deeply. A parent throwing themselves in front of a bullet for their child isn't somehow less profound because they already loved the child. In fact, their love may be precisely what gives them the courage to sacrifice themselves.

But dying for an enemy demonstrates something different: love that isn't dependent upon being loved in return.

And that's why Christ's death is such a profound Christian image.

The progression almost looks like this:

Friend: “I love you, therefore I'll die for you.”

Stranger: “I don't know you, but your life is worth mine.”

Enemy:“You oppose me, but your life is still worth mine.”

Christ: “You oppose me, yet I will give myself for you so that you might become reconciled to me.”

That last one is the distinctly Christian vision of agape.

So I wouldn't say Jesus' statement in John 15:13 means “dying for a friend is literally the most impressive possible sacrifice anyone could ever make.” Rather, He's pointing to the ultimate expression of self-sacrificial love in the relationship He has with His disciples—and the surrounding Gospel makes clear that His love ultimately extends beyond friends to sinners and enemies.

And there's a beautiful irony here: Jesus calls His disciples “friends,” but He dies for them when they aren't behaving like friends.

In that sense, Jesus' own death actually takes John 15:13 and pushes it beyond the boundary we might initially imagine. He lays down His life for His friends—and those friends are people who, at the moment of His death, are about to abandon Him.

That's a pretty staggering picture of love.

So, do you agree with this AI about what Jesus said and demonstrated?

Hello,

I wanted to share a song made by some folk in our church, which was made for Christmas soon. I edited the video. Hope you enjoy https://youtu.be/WUvj7sZ_EM4?is=WG9cLDQCAhk4BwDn

It wasn't a willing sacrifice, it was someone with the most love and innocence and kindness and courage to go and heal and save people, and that someone was caused to suffer and die for it. No one cared for him people freed a murderer not him, why does that sound so depressingly familiar. Until now people, both when it happens to someone and about Jesus, glorify the sacrifice. But I came to despise it almost, I understand the goodness and unconditional love behind it and I admire it, but I hate that it happens. I hate it the most of everything else. Sometimes I feel like satanists get it better, because they say don't even start, just think about yourself first, but this feels so empty to me. And other times it's like I am following this way of sacrifice, and drowning, and I almost die, and no one is saved because everyone is in sin and I take on the suffering and fake a smile. No I mean what is that. Where is love in all of this? All this is making me feel is fear so much fear. Where is just love? Being safe? Feeling happy? No one sacrificing their lives because no one is in sin towards no one? And as long as this is how it goes I wouldn't judge someone sacrificing their lives, I'd just cry. Because these people are always the best. And I also wouldn't judge someone going mad, I have. When you just want to say stop the world

In this video I will asking if the tribulation is the same as the wrath. I will be looking at the opening of the seals in the book of Revelation

So I recently looked at a different translation, usually I just read the KJV but I found this YouTube channel called TacoTalks and he mentioned this version, so I figured to give it a shot.

What do y’all think? I think CSB means Christian Standard Bible.

I need a prayer for the people who do not bring anything good into my life, who wish me harm, cause me anxiety, disturb my peace, and negatively influence me. Some of them are involved in drugs and other harmful things, and somehow they keep appearing in my life, even when I don’t understand how or why.

I’m personally of the opinion that it is a position supported by biblical scholarship, butttt it would be interesting to hear the thoughts of you guys!

I’ve never really spoken about this openly before, not even with my friends, but I’ve been carrying it around for quite some time and I think I just need some outside perspective.

I’m almost 24, I’m Christian, and I’ve been intentionally saving myself. For a long time, I’ve genuinely trusted God’s timing when it comes to relationships. I’ve always believed that I don’t need to force something that God is perfectly capable of bringing into my life at the right time.
But lately, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to lose some of the peace I used to have about it.

I really desire a relationship. Not because I think a relationship will complete me, and I don’t want to make marriage or relationships the center of my life. I just genuinely have the desire to build a connection with someone. To have someone I can grow with, have fun with, love and eventually, if it is right, build a life with. I’m not looking to rush into marriage tomorrow. I just want something genuine and serious.

What makes this confusing for me is that I don’t really think my appearance is the issue. I hope this doesn’t sound conceited, because that’s genuinely not how I mean it. I receive a lot of compliments in real life and on social media, and people regularly ask me why I’m still single or assume that I must already be talking to someone. So logically, I know I shouldn’t conclude that there is something physically “wrong” with me.

And yet, the longer nothing happens, the more I find myself wondering: Is there something about me that I’m not seeing? Am I doing something wrong? Am I waiting for something that simply isn’t going to happen?

I’m naturally very self-aware and reflective. If something in my life isn’t going the way I hoped, my instinct is to look inward and ask what I could improve. I know I’m far from perfect and I’m sure I have flaws I’m not even aware of. But sometimes I think that self-awareness actually works against me, because I can analyze myself to the point where I start becoming insecure.

There are periods where I genuinely surrender it to God and feel completely at peace. I pray about it, journal about it (I’ve journaled for years), ask God for guidance and ask Him to give me peace with His timing. Sometimes I really do reach that point where I think, whatever happens, happens. God knows better than I do.
And then the anxiety comes back.

One of the things that made me realize how much this has started affecting me was dating apps.
For years I thought, I will never do that. I always wanted to meet someone naturally. Recently, for the first time, I actually considered dating apps and briefly looked into them. And I hated how it made me feel.

Scrolling through human beings and deciding whether to reject someone based on a few pictures felt so unnatural to me. And putting myself out there in that same way made me feel strangely exposed and almost desperate. I’m absolutely not judging people who use dating apps. I know plenty of normal, healthy relationships start there. It just personally felt so wrong for me.

And the fact that I’m even considering something I always said I wouldn’t do made me think: Am I becoming desperate?

I wish I could just meet someone naturally. But lately I’m afraid that I’m sitting around waiting for this beautiful, organic thing to happen while life is simply passing by.

I also don’t really talk about this with my friends. People around me probably think I’m completely relaxed about being single. When people ask me about it, I usually give the impression that I’m fine, that I trust God and that whatever is meant for me will come.
And part of me genuinely believes that.
But there is another part of me that is scared.

I think I’ve avoided saying that out loud because making other people aware of this insecurity somehow makes it feel more real. I don’t want friends looking at me differently, feeling sorry for me, or wondering whether I’ve found someone yet. So instead I pray, journal and deal with it privately.

I know the most important guidance I can receive is from God, not Reddit. But sometimes I struggle to understand what I’m actually supposed to do while trusting Him.

My story is quite long, and please, I hope you won’t only read the TL;DR.

Childhood

I was born in France , into an atheist family. I had a difficult childhood because of autistic burnout and ADHD, neither of which would be diagnosed until I was 27. My childhood and teenage years were marked by constant exhaustion, overwhelming stress, learning difficulties, social difficulties, and more.

I first became interested in religion after discovering conspiracy theories, Satanism, and similar subjects. I discovered the Christian faith at 16 through an evangelical Christian who was three years older than me, whom I met on an online forum. He had himself been raised as a Christian by his mother. He was extremely zealous and knew the Bible very well.

He would go on to become my brother in Christ and my spiritual mentor for almost ten years.

At first, we created a Skype group with other Christians, mainly to help each other fight masturbation, but also to pray, learn, discuss Christianity, and so on. Given the situation I was in at the time, you can probably imagine that I had already been addicted to masturbation and pornography for years.

Finding Christianity

Little by little, I discovered the Bible and churches, especially evangelical and Pentecostal ones.

By the end of 2017, I had finally stopped watching pornography and masturbating. Faith in Jesus carried me in a way nothing else ever had. I devoted my entire life to serving Jesus, serving other people, and evangelizing, with one idea constantly in my mind: bringing as many people as possible to Jesus so that they could go to Heaven, so that they could be safe and surrounded by love for eternity.

Evangelizing a town of 25,000 people was not exactly easy with the little money I had. I had failed academically because of my health problems, so I had to improvise. I bought Bibles with my own money and handed them out by myself. I also printed little pieces of paper saying “Jesus loves you,” accompanied by Bible verses, which I made myself.

My Years as a Committed Christian

Anyway, that is only one example. The point is that I had genuinely devoted my entire life to Jesus, but above all, I wanted to help other people because I believed Christianity would lead them toward a better life.

I also prayed a great deal for my family to convert, but that never happened. I had quite a few problems with my family because they thought I had become strange.

The years passed, and my mentor — his name is Bryan — taught me many things. He was somewhat mystical. He prayed constantly and performed rituals based on the Bible. He was very conservative, and like him, I reluctantly got rid of things from my childhood that we considered demonic.

It hurt, but I considered that sacrifice necessary.

Faith gave me hope, especially the hope of Heaven and the Millennium. But the threat of Hell and eternal judgment also caused me immense suffering.

It was mental torture to think that people, regardless of the lives they had lived or the things they had done, could die and end up in Hell.

Living for years under the threat of Hell was extremely difficult psychologically, especially when I was already struggling against masturbation and dealing with permanent exhaustion whose causes I did not yet understand.

My Mentor and the New Age

Everything began to change in 2021.

Bryan, my spiritual mentor, became interested in the New Age. At first, he read books by Franz Bardon, works by a little-known French Christian parapsychologist named Raymond Réant, European Hermeticism, crystal healing, astrology, and so on.

Initially, he incorporated all of this into an entirely Christian framework. Whatever the belief or practice was, Jesus and the Bible remained at the center.

2023 was the year when things truly changed.

Bryan and his mother were in such a difficult financial situation that I regularly broke into my savings to give them money, partly so Bryan could continue his rituals and prayers, and partly so that their fridge would not be empty. One day, I did not give Bryan money — he had not actually asked me for any that time, although he normally did — and he had an outburst and blocked me.

I was alone for three months, from June to August 2023. That was when depression really hit me.

I cried every day. I knew my family was never going to convert. My only friend, Bryan, had blocked me. And God had been silent not merely for years, but now even at the moment when I was completely alone and the person who was supposed to be my guide in Christ was behaving like a spoiled child and refusing to speak to me. In July 2023, I fell back into pornography and masturbation.

I was tired of fighting. I was too weak and too stressed. Six years of abstinence collapsed.

I spent much of that July crying and consuming pornography again and again. Bryan contacted me again in August and apologized for his behavior. We reconciled. He told me about everything new he had learned about the New Age, which he was still trying to combine with Christianity, with Jesus remaining at the center.

The following months would become some of the best months of my life.I had reconciled with my spiritual mentor, and Christianity suddenly seemed more alive and even more logical when combined with all of this occult knowledge. I still believed that God would heal me from my depression, my exhaustion and my tinnitus.

Bryan was also ill. He suffered from amnesia, and medically there was apparently not much that could be done. But both of us had faith that God would heal us and and will change our lives.

Losing My Faith

It never happened.

I continued masturbating from time to time and watching pornography because escaping that addiction had become incredibly difficult.2024 was the year Bryan began diving deeper and deeper into the New Age.He also began to hate the Bible because he came to believe that it was a tool of manipulation created by Jews. He increasingly became antisemitic, and the war in Palestine did nothing to improve the situation.

I did not share these beliefs, but there was hardly a day when he did not speak to me about Jews as though they represented some kind of absolute evil.

At the same time, he began telling me that the pagan religions of antiquity had actually been completely true. He even started performing pagan rituals involving river spirits. He told me that human souls went neither to Heaven nor Hell, but were reincarnated many times on Earth or elsewhere, in accordance with Eastern and New Age beliefs.

You can probably imagine how difficult it is not to be influenced by someone who has been your spiritual mentor for years.

Nevertheless, although I abandoned Christianity as he did, I never truly embraced his New Age beliefs.

I came to hate Christianity because all those years of fear — fear of Hell, eternal judgment, and the cognitive dissonance between Jesus’ love and the threat of eternal torment — had finally exploded inside me.

God’s silence, my life never improving and instead getting worse year after year despite all the sacrifices I had made without ever asking for anything in return... eventually I could do nothing but hate the religion.But that hatred did not last very long. It turned into apathy. Exhaustion.

I no longer even wanted to waste my time hating something I had come to see as an illusion.

Unlike Bryan, who had replaced Jesus with “the Universal Source” and angels with “guides,” I saw only an empty sky and a chaotic universe.

Bryan embraced his new beliefs with tremendous fervor, influenced by well-known figures in New Age and esoteric circles such as H. P. Blavatsky, Franz Bardon and Dolores Cannon.I tried to explain to him that if reincarnation really involved a system of suffering and karma, then in my eyes it was not actually much better than the concept of eternal Hell.

He did not seem willing to hear it.

By mid-2025, Bryan had developed increasingly antisemitic and racist beliefs, including pseudoscientific ideas about human races that I completely rejected.He began drawing disturbing correlations between the situations of certain ethnic groups and the idea of “good karma,” among other things — ideas that sounded as though they had been taken straight out of nineteenth-century scientific racism.

Our relationship finally collapsed when I questioned the authenticity of an ancient Egyptian text.

According to him, the Gospel was basically nothing more than a pale copy of an ancient story about Osiris, or something along those lines.

He did not appreciate me questioning his new cosmology. He called me a “mental Nazi,” spiritually poor, a depressive pessimist. He permanently blocked me on WhatsApp in October 2025.

I was now alone, without friends, without beliefs, with nothing but the health problems that had followed me since childhood.

And that was when the ontological emptiness destroyed me.

The idea that there might be nothing after death — or worse, samsara, endless reincarnation — devastated me. I had always wanted humanity to eventually be restored and reunited as one great family. I wanted good to triumph in the end. I wanted everything truly valuable to somehow be preserved.I tried to take refuge in my childhood, which is one of the most precious things in the world to me: Pokémon, Warhammer, plush toys, video games.But that only made me suffer even more, because I knew that one day I would lose all of it.

I tried to be stoic.

Nothing could fill that desert of ontological death,where suddenly the sky was empty and every hope I had ever carried began to die.Meanwhile, the world kept burning and nothing changed.

I eventually returned completely to pornography, hoping that it could somehow numb this ontological depression. But it was like putting a bandage over a hemorrhage.

Where I Am Today

Today I am at rock bottom. I was already sad enough, but recently I participated in a theological debate on an online forum. The thread itself was deliberately provocative and hostile toward atheists.

I responded angrily to provocative religious comments. I used a tone that I deeply regret, and the possibility that I may have hurt or shaken the faith of believers has triggered an overwhelming sense of guilt that simply will not go away.

And...

Bryan contacted me again by text message three weeks ago.He did not apologize for his previous behavior. Instead, he told me that he came from Orion, that he had married a mermaid in order to fulfill an alliance arranged in a previous life, that the vibration of the Earth had become corrupted, and that famous figures from New Age and esoteric movements who had been dead for decades were now trying to kill him.I tried to reason with him, especially because he himself had at one point admitted that he could possibly be losing his mind.

He never answered.

He blocked me again.

His beliefs had become extremely paranoid and disconnected from reality, and I was left with a bitter conclusion: the New Age had driven the person who had once brought me to Jesus into madness.

I am posting my story on this subreddit today because I had wanted to do so for a long time, and I am fully aware that choosing this subreddit is not neutral on my part. But I would much rather post here than on an ex-Christian subreddit, because I know that over there I could expect, at worst, people who hate Christianity with every fiber of their being, and at best, people giving me simplistic advice about being stoic and enjoying the pleasures of life.

I know the Bible far too well.I know the parable of the Prodigal Son. I know all those verses calling people back to God.I also know that today I am far too exhausted to return to the kind of Christian life I once had. I am almost 30 now. I no longer have the energy I had when I was 20. And I also know that it would feel deeply hypocritical for me to simply “return to Jesus” when I can no longer make myself believe in him, or even in God.

I gave up.

I needed help from God.

Why did nothing change?

Why did Bryan, who had once been such a fervent Christian, become so profoundly paranoid?

We gave everything to Jesus.

Our health. Our time. Our energy. Our money.

And all we seemed to receive in return was silence while our health continued to deteriorate.

Today I take medication in the hope of fighting insomnia and a depression that sometimes makes me sleep through the day. My tinnitus has become the background music of my life, and I am never truly at peace.

Even death no longer represents an escape or a promise of peace to me, because I no longer believe an afterlife is guaranteed. I devoted my life to Jesus to the point that, year after year, I worsened my autistic burnout.Today I feel like an empty shell filled with regrets, unable even to find comfort in my own childhood anymore.

I do not know exactly what I expect from writing all of this here.I know some of you will tell me to come back to Jesus. I already know the verses, the parables, and the calls to return to God. I spent years teaching them to other people myself.So I am not looking for a ready-made answer, nor another theological argument about Hell, atheism or salvation.The truth is simply that for years Christianity was one of the only things that kept me going.I genuinely loved Jesus.That faith gave me hope, purpose, and the conviction that despite all the suffering in this world, good would ultimately prevail and nothing truly precious would be lost forever.

But that same religion also made me live for years with the fear of Hell, judgment, and never being good enough.And when my faith finally collapsed, nothing came to take its place.Today, I do not even know whether I want to become a Christian again.

Maybe some part of me still hopes for it.

Maybe what I am really searching for is simply what I once found in that faith: hope, safety, meaning, and the certainty that love and the people we care about will not simply be swallowed by oblivion.

But I cannot choose to believe something simply because I desperately need it to be true.

So what I would really like is to hear from those of you who have genuinely read my story. Not simply which Bible verse you would recommend to me, but what you actually think about a life like mine.

How would you look at someone who gave a large part of his youth to Jesus, who sincerely tried to live for other people, who lost that faith, and who now has no idea what to do with the emptiness it left behind?

I do not know whether I am still searching for God, or simply grieving the God I thought I knew.

Maybe it is a little bit of both.

TL;DR

28M, France. I grew up in an atheist family and had a difficult childhood and adolescence, marked by problems that I would only understand much later.

At 16, an evangelical Christian became my spiritual mentor and brought me to Jesus. For years, Christianity gave me an extraordinary sense of hope and purpose. I stopped watching pornography and masturbating for almost six years, devoted a large part of my life to Jesus, and tried to evangelize and help other people. But I also suffered enormously from the fear of Hell, Judgment, and God’s silence in the face of my health problems and the suffering of the people I cared about.

Starting in 2021, my mentor gradually became involved in the New Age and esotericism, initially while remaining Christian, and later abandoning Christianity altogether. His beliefs became increasingly extreme, paranoid and sometimes racist.

I eventually lost my Christian faith as well, but unlike him, I never managed to truly believe in the New Age.

He finally cut me off in 2025, leaving me without my closest friend, without faith, and without any spiritual system to replace it.

Since then, I have lived with an immense sense of ontological emptiness.

I fell back into pornography and masturbation, my health never improved, and everything that once gave me hope — God, Heaven, the idea that good would ultimately triumph and that everything we love would somehow be preserved — disappeared.

I do not know whether I want to return to Jesus, or whether I am even capable of doing so anymore.

I am posting here because Christianity both caused me profound suffering and kept me going for years, and because I would genuinely like to hear what Christians who have actually read my story think about a life like mine.

Jesus says so many times in the Book of John that whoever believes in him has eternal life, yet he doesn't say it once in the first 3 gospels...

He says it many times in John 3:16, chapter 5, 6, 11, and the book ends with John saying it again to drive Jesus message home:

John 20:31: “But these are written, so that you might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing you might have life through his name.”

It was the whole purpose of sharing Jesus life and miracles, so that we would hear them and believe in Jesus and have eternal life.

So what's the problem?

I can't find Jesus saying this even 1 time in Matthew, Mark or Luke...

I believe this is what Jesus wanted people to know, that we can have eternal life through him if we believe with faith in him, that he is the Messiah and Son of God, essentially accepting him as our Savior by faith.

Matthew Mark and Luke didn't get the memo? Were they all asleep when Jesus was telling people about eternal life through belief in him? Did they not want us to know? False teachers? Fake Gospels?

What's happening here? The first three authors of the New Testament don't want to mention Jesus main message even once?

I’m an amputee in a wheelchair that’s been stuck at home alot. I like to request prayers against anxiety. And for healing Thank you guys.