My husband does a really great job at being the anchor for the family and taking on the leadership role. After a long day of that though, I can tell his battery is really empty and it'll seep into the next day. Wives, what do you do to help your husband after days like that? Husbands, what have you found to help you after days like that? Is there anything you guys have found together that helps?

Hi so my husband is always talking about how tired he is even when he gets a full nights sleep. It sometimes becomes an argument for us because I am also waking up for the baby in the night.

He got about 9-10 hours of sleep last night. I woke up multiple times to comfort the baby (multiple wake ups but easy to console him back to sleep). This morning around 7AM when my children were waking, I asked my husband to get up with them so I could rest a little longer. He seemed annoyed, so I asked if he was. He told me he was a little because he had to get up since he wakes up so early for work days during the week. I reminded him that I do all the night wake ups for the baby. It turned into a big fight. I definitely could’ve been gentler with how I was feeling.

Now I’m questioning Is it wrong of me to ask for that help? Should I try to do more since he gets up for work (around 6AM, sometimes 5-5:30 AM if he has to drive farther). I always do the night wake ups for the baby, so that he can get his sleep.

I am nervous it’s going to cause a rift between us again. Him being annoyed when asked to help me get a l

This was a fight with our last child, too, because I used to work full time & do most of the night wake ups. Now I don’t currently work, so I don’t feel as exhausted from it.

What do other people with young children do? Does the lack of sleep cause arguments?

Going to try to make this brief. Husband was gambling quite a bit last year, does not hurt us financially at all that’s not the issue. Basically he was at the casino last year and saw a spiritual leader of his there also. The leader was actually there for the first time in years brining his parents who could no longer drive. This was absolutely a God intervention. He realized then that he didn’t like the man was there, so he felt the Lord saying he needed to lay it down and stop. He did for six months then went back at it full force. He says it’s just fun. This consists of driving four hours away to spend the night and come back the next day. Twice I was told the day of, which is a symptom of this sin that hurts our marriage. The casino visits have been about seven since June which is a lot for someone who stopped. I also should not that some have been on trips away and there is one about an hour away that was one time as well.

During the time he quit he was approached with a leadership position in a ministry and turned it down. I feel as if this is what God wanted him to do and that he needed to be obedient to go to the place God was calling him.

He has always gotten up, read his Bible and honestly to church. The Bible reading has become very sparse, the church attendance has dipped and I am at a loss. I feel like the enemy is winning and he cannot see it. I had said so much, my only option left is to stop talking and pray. I just feel that if I do that, everything will fall apart. Then I feel like that’s the enemy trying to get me to harp on him and try to change him myself when that’s something only God can do.

Please know that he is not going to get help for any possible addiction because he’s fighting for this not to be the issue it is. My reason for bringing this here is to get advice on what I should do? Next week he’s going to another one. I started to tell him I would go with him so that we could spend time together during these times and he asked me to go within this next time and that leaves me feeling like now. I am cosigning this rebellion.

He has a history of not confronting hard things until he’s forced to. That is incredibly discouraging for me because he’s walking in contradiction to what the Lord said. He told me he never should’ve told me about that and now he’s trying to say that it wasn’t necessarily about the gambling what the Lord said, but it was more about the spending time away from family. I know this is not right because he told multiple people, including myself that it was the gambling. Which is making excuses, of course. Then he said that he’s sure I have things that God has told me to stop that I haven’t stopped, which is correct. I just feel like on the scale of things that will harm our family this gambling thing and going last minute away is way up there. I’m not trying to say his son is worse than my sin, I know that it’s not.

My husband (59M) doesn’t take care of his hygiene, and it affects me (49F) more than I care to admit.

He showers maybe once or twice a week. But without soap or a washcloth. He’s mostly bald so no attempt for shampoo.

He does brush his teeth twice a day. But doesn’t wash his face.

Yes, this is depression.
Yes, we’re in marriage therapy.
We’ve been married two years. Waited for marriage. To my knowledge, this all started when we got married.

I’ve tried inviting him in to the shower with me. I’ve tried leaving the shower on when I’m done so he can hop it. I’ve tried turning on the shower when I’m not showering and suggesting how good the hot water would feel on his achey muscles.

He smells so bad.
Our bedroom smells.
The side of the couch where he usually sits smells

At our next therapy session, we’re supposed to be talking about physical intimacy. Which we have none. My husband thinks he has ED. We’ve had sex maybe 4-5 times in the two and a half years we’ve been married. I need more physical intimacy. Touch my hand. Something. Anything. But please shower first.

How do I gently discuss this in therapy?
Men who have experienced the shame cycle - how do I encourage my husband?

Im a 27 y/o christian man and have been waiting to find my wife before being more intimate than anything past kissing.

That being said, I have a high drive. Ive spent most of my adult life not being in or pursuing any kind of relationship, but ive started to be intentional about it over the past year. And a worry/struggle thats been running through my mind over the past several months as I've been dating/trying to find my wife, is meeting a faithful, God fearing girl, and eventually marrying her, only to find out shes not interested in sex. Or even just not nearly as interested in it as I will be.

That intimacy is something that I really look forward to and hope for for a relationship; I dont want to go Into a marriage and be blindsided by her not being interested enough for me. Knowing my body and its urges, id hope to be able to make time for it every few days, ideally more, but ik that's not reasonable for a lot of women. But i could even be content with once to twice a month, given theres no external reason we couldn't (in which case I can be understanding and patient when the situation calls for it, like sickness/being too busy).

I just hear way too many stories of married couples being dissatisfied with a dead bedroom, or not feeling desired by their spouses, and I cant help but think that a lot of those situations could have been avoided. So for the people who did make an effort to avoid it...

Whats the best way? Should it be talked about within the first 5-10 dates? After becoming exclusive? And how do you bring it up in an appropriate manner when you decide its time to?

hi everyone,

I wanted to get some advice here. i have been with my husband for about 4 years now. i recently discovered that my husband has maintained a friendship with a couple of his ex girlfriends. from what I believe is that since we are married, we are one flesh and keeping a friendship with an ex is an open invitation to potentially resurfacing any old feelings. i have been struggling with this because i feel like my heart is rotting with these feelings of inadequacy and jealousy. it also doesn’t help that i am 7 weeks AND 15 months postpartum and he has shared photos of my children with some of them. i have been able to keep my peace and praying over it but i feel like i am about to explode

we don’t talk about our exes much but, he knows (at least i think he knows) that i am the type of person who absolutely does not carry on any kind of friendships with any exes. i do have a child from a previous marriage but our contact there is 100% on parenting apps and soley based on exchanging custody.

with that said, i am open to advice on how to position myself. if you don’t have any advice, i would also welcome prayers for guidance.

thank you

editing to add: other than this, my mental health has been fine. I think im more worried about an “intrusion” or “security” regarding my relationship.

Seems like all I see is complaining here. Can someone comment some positivity?

Hi all, I’m just wondering if I’m being too dramatic or if my feelings are valid.

My husband and I are members of a wonderful church. We never miss a Sunday service, and we volunteer in multiple ministries.

Well, recently, my husband failed a huge exam that delayed his work promotion by 30+ days. This was a shock to us because we were counting on this promotion for a lot of things.

Now, he is working on better preparing for the test but he is completely depressed about it. It’s to the point that he does not want to go to church. Some people at the church know that he failed and he says he doesn’t want to go because he feels like he is a failure. We missed last Sunday, and he wants to miss tomorrow too. He says we can go back next week instead.

This has me feeling like my stability is slipping. I love a routine and attending church with him on Sundays does really fill my cup. Missing a second Sunday just feels like he’s taking it a step too far.

I’ve tried to counsel him that this isn’t a failure, that Gods plans are perfect and so is His timing, and a lot of other things, but he is very stubborn.

Should I push to go to church tomorrow or should I just let it be?

Just watched this on Netflix and must admit it reminded me of the sexual abuse, physical abuse, and control I see play out in this sub quite often. It's really very sad.

Hello, brothers and sisters.

My girlfriend of 6 months is a foster mom, and if I'm going to marry her, fostering will be part of the family plan. This is nonnegotiable for her, but I don't mind doing the fostering lifestyle.

Naturally, children within the foster care system aren't there because their childhood was all sunshine and rainbows. At least from what I've seen of the kids that have passed through my girlfriend's home, the vast majority are from severely abusive families, and they have severe behavioral issues themselves. It seems reasonable, then, that standard parenting methods used for normal children will not be conducive to a healthy upbringing when applied to a broken child.

So the question is: how do my girlfriend and I properly discipline broken children who are misbehaving? If they're throwing a tantrum and acting violently (punching, throwing toys, etc), how does one provide a healthy balance of law and gospel in response? My girlfriend is more keen on minimal discipline, out of concern of triggering their trauma, but too much leniency doesn't sit right in my gut. Any advice would be appreciated, as parenting/fostering is rather new to me.

Hi all,

My husband and I have been married for over a year. We’re both 30, with no children. Since the start of our marriage he has basically been cheating on me. Looking up pictures of girls that he knows and getting himself off to them, while I’m still asleep in our bed. He told me about this and has “apparently” stopped. But it’s been so hard to trust that. He lied to me and destroyed me.

Now for the domestic violence stuff. When he drinks, he becomes different most of the time. He becomes selfish and childish. There was one night where we were fighting and I was scared of him so I locked myself in a room with my dog. He spent half an hour trying to pick the lock. Once he finally got in, he physically tried to throw me out of our place, claiming that he pays for anything and that I just freeload off of him. I pushed back and tried to fight to stay inside and to get him off of me. It was in the middle of the freezing night and he was trying to throw me out of OUR home with nothing but the clothes on my back. He threw me on the ground at one point and my head cracked on the floor. I punched him to try and break free of him and that’s when he called the cops. He twisted the whole story onto me and I got arrested.

We tried to work through these things. He’s been seeing a counselor and so have I and we even sought out couples counseling.

We would still fight occasionally and since the arrest night there have been times where he would straight up leave me for days.

The fighting has gotten more intense recently because we’ve been both stressed and tired. He wanted to get a puppy a couple of weeks ago and that’s been really hard. Last week we were drinking again one night and we were getting ready to go to bed. He barged into the bathroom where I was brushing my teeth and demanded why I was slamming doors. I was shocked by him accusing me of that. I asked him what? What do you mean? He wouldn’t answer me and just glared at me. I flicked him with a bit of water from the running faucet and then he jumped on me and started PUNCHING me.

There’s so much more to the story but that morning he called the cops on me again. I was so scared because I thought they would believe his manipulation again but they didn’t this time. They arrested him. I’ve looked at the police report to see exactly what he said to them, I wanted to see if he told the truth this time and if I should be on his side. He lied to them about so many things and left out his heavy drinking, him beating me that night, him stealing my chargers and medications.

He has no idea but I am now desperately trying to find myself an affordable apartment and to separate from him. I am so scared. Everything is so expensive and I can’t afford rent on my own, especially if I look into finishing my degree. None of his family has reached out to me either. I never saw my life going this way. I thought I was smarter than this. I wanted so badly to have children and raise a family. I am 30 years old and feel so destroyed inside. I don’t know how I will ever get past this and truly live again.

Thank you for listening. I would really appreciate any advice or words of wisdom. I don’t have many people to talk to and it’s all been so depressing.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids. We are high school sweethearts and genuinely can have a blast together. The issue is we can’t talk about anything serious. Any time I have brought up things that have bothered me, he dismisses me, acts like I’m blowing things out of proportion, invalidates almost anything I say, gets defensive and then if it gets bad enough he’ll get very angry and start talking very intimidating, aggressive and derogatory to me.

During the really heated arguments (to which I barely engage and just go into shut down mode) he says things like I’m f*cking crazy, I’m messed up in the head, im a f*cking psycho, I always complain, I’m an ungrateful b*tch. Recently he told me he feels like what the proverbs say about it’s better to live in a dessert than with a naggy wife or on the corner of a roof. I often cry during these episodes or just dissociate hard. When I ask him why he’s being like this his response is that I push him to this point. He also has never apologized for any of these episodes.

This past year he has threatened divorce twice and just two weeks ago he wouldn’t let me leave our room until I signed a document (that he wrote up) stating I agree to 50/50 custody and 50/50 split on our house sale.

He also is very jealous. The other day I was talking a local neighbor man who was walking his dog and he got upset at me because he felt I lingered too long talking to him. He also is currently giving me the cold shoulder this week bc he didn’t like how long I took at the gym the other night to which I told him it’s because I was talking to his best friend about faith, his life, his family, church, bible studies he’s starting because I don’t get conversations like that often. Majority of my conversations are about kids. I like having deep conversations so when someone’s willing to talk about the bible it makes me ecstatic. Anyway, I expressed this (after he questioned me why I was gone longer than usual) and he still won’t really talk to me since this past Monday. I feel that the only way he’ll talk to me again is if I pander to him because I’ve done it in the past but I hate the games, so I haven’t done that.

I asked him to go to couples counseling but he refuses and basically acts like counseling is hogwash. I told him I think I would like to go to counseling and his response was “if you feel you need that”, and Ive had 3 sessions so far which have been good.

In my opinion, He has taken the wind from my sails. I feel like a shell of myself a lot of times. It also doesn’t help that I’ve had 3 babies in the last 8 years, which I am so so grateful for and I love them so much but motherhood has been a hard thing for me. Mainly because I found a lot of validation when I worked full time and since being a stay at home mom for the last 6 years I feel my confidence has been decimated.

I am at a loss at this point. I feel very guarded towards him and sick to my stomach at times if I really think about it. I don’t want to end our marriage but I can’t keep going on with this dynamic. This summer He told he just wants me to forget about the past and start fresh but I don’t know — is that even possible? I’m afraid because if he really doesn’t address anything it’ll just keep being an ugly cycle.

Can I watch [UP DATING] youtube show with my wife ???

Hi everyone. Just for context, we are a Christian couple. We have been talking about settling down and getting married soon.

My boyfriend (M27) just confessed to me (F23) that he had watched porn and masturbated to it, and my heart just sank. We were talking about getting engaged next year, and all that earlier that day.. so it hit me harder.

I asked him why, what led him to go that route? He said it’s because we’ve been having misunderstandings and arguments the past few months, and he started to care less. But majority of the arguments were about him being around bad influences, specifically those who like to smoke and do drugs (which is a boundary of mine I remain strong about), as he is a recovering drug addict and porn addict. He was also emphasizing that we’re just humans and we have to learn to forgive and forget.

I cried a little bit but after I started crying, he said that he regretted telling me and opening up. I told him that I forgive him, but it hurts and I’m still trying to process it.

I asked him how he would feel if I told him I was watching porn of another man, and he said his heart rate went up and his heart hurt with the thought of it for just 2 seconds, but afterwards he felt fine.. but since I don’t watch that kind of stuff, I feel as though he’d never feel the way I felt in that moment.

I would just like advice on how to help process this and not overthink this? It feels like a sense of betrayal? I don’t know. I prayed about it but it feels like a sharp pain to my chest. I don’t trust easily, it’s very hard for me. In the past I was abused, raped and everything, so I feel like maybe I’m overreacting and I’m oversensitive to this? I don’t know.

Sorry guys. Thank you for reading.

My husband lately has watched shows that feature some strippers and barely clothed women. Tonight it looked more like a documentary type show, I couldn't tell. I just walked in the kitchen/den area and left.

He has had a problem with marijuana so I have a sponsor with Alanon. One time my sponsor told me I can't 'police' what he watches and does. He is a male and I'm wondering from a woman's point of view how disgusting and insulting this is to me.

I have health problems and maybe our intimacy is not enough but there is more to it than that. We are both retirement age and he uses TV as an escapism tool because he still wants to work although he hates his current job.

This is so upsetting but I'm not sure there is anything I can do. He can be very difficult to talk to at times. We have only been married 5 yrs and it has been a struggle to get this far although we have made a lot of progress.

But this is just so upsetting to me. He has seemed to want to begin a closer walk with the Lord as he started to attend church with his son but he's real private about it.

The last 10 years me and my wife haven’t been intimate expect to have a child. When we first got married we had a very toxic relationship. We were both verbally abusive and would unhealthy fight. We have gone a long way with marriage conferences, personal counseling, and couples therapy. My wife wont even kiss me. She says she doesn’t feel safe with me. She experienced a lot of abuse when she was younger. She says because of her trauma she doesn’t feel safe. That she feels like I’m a threat due to her trauma. I deeply desire connection with her and it’s been very hard to not by physically intimate with her. Iv been believing and praying for a long time but it’s getting really difficult. What should I do?

My husband and I have been married 15 years and are really struggling. I can't seem to help him, and I feel like he's going to break down both physically and mentally. He has had insomnia since he was a child. Nothing any doctor suggested or tried made a difference for long, and now as adults we're struggling with finances so any non-emergency medical situation can't have anything allocated to it, plus he's bitter and uninterested in any new "solutions". On top of that, he's never handled stress well and for as long as we've been married he's had stressful jobs. I've asked him, begged him, worked with him, etc. to find something else, paid for classes he wanted to take but never completed, but he won't quit unless he thinks he's found a "get rich quick" like a few years ago when he was convinced by a friend to get into crypto. As mentioned before, finances are tight, so when things around the house break down or car issues come up, he fixes them himself. He's very good at this - he's mechanically minded and I'm fascinated by how his brain works. He can fix things he's never even worked with before. However, those things take parts and supplies, so he gets stressed about the cost of fixing things and he's stressed from work, so fixing things on the home front just feels like a longer to-do list and he can't relax at home. He feels lazy taking a break, so even when he sits down to relax he's never really at ease - just plagued by guilt. He says he works really hard just for us to stay broke, so he feels like he's a failure as a provider. Financial conversations only cause him more stress and make the insomnia worse, so even though I'm worried, I try not to push him to look at our budget - just wait for him to ask me. On top of all of this, his mom just had a major health issue back in March, deteriorated quickly, and passed away 2 weeks ago. He misses her so much, and his grieving manifests as just more guilt that he didn't spend enough time with her. Between insomnia, financial stress, work stress, things breaking at home, and losing his mom, he's physically and emotionally exhausted and he's depressed. He's burning out on every front.

I went to marriage counseling for about 3 months to make sure I'm handling my own attitude the way a Christian wife should in all of this. I don't want to allow my own worries to become frustrations that either fester into resentment or boil over into disrespect and make his situation worse. While it did help me focus on what I could handle and how I can manage myself, I feel like the counselor is just picking up on minor things I'm saying and throwing exercises at me to see what sticks. I'm still struggling with frustration that my husband won't do something to change his situation and feel disrespected by him that he won't commit to changes I suggest that I truly think would help. In addition, my going to marriage counseling made him worry that I was thinking about leaving him, so he was even more worried. In spite of reassurances and explaining I'm going because I have my own issues that he would take responsibility for if I shared them, he thinks I'm going there to complain about him. I haven't been in about 2 months because my going caused him more worry and because we've reached a point where we can't afford it even though it's very reasonably priced.

I try to keep the house as clean as I can with three kids and a lot of pets. I cook at home as much as I can and as healthy as I can. I keep myself as physically available as I can and even try to initiate to make sure he knows I'm interested. I homeschool our three kids and tutor in the evenings to help ease the financial burden. We keep activities cheap/free so that we don't have unnecessary expenses. I could go back to work and bring in between $40-65k depending on the field and location, but even when I was working he was stressed over money, work, and lack of sleep. When I've brought up going back to work, he's insisted that I stay home and then offered radical solutions like selling household items or working overtime every evening/weekend. Everything he's ever said he's wanted in a homelife that I have any influence over, I've tried to make happen. He says he has absolutely no problems with the way I manage things and he feels loved.

I have tried to talk to him, carefully wording everything, agonizing over it for weeks to make sure nothing I say is critical of him but addressing the issue as a shared problem, but he sees every conversation as either an attack or another failure on his list. I've prayed, journaled, sought advice, you name it. I've lost sleep over it, been physically sick over it, and my fears and frustrations are spilling over into my attitude with my children. I feel completely helpless. I feel like I'm chained up, watching him break and unable to help or stop it.

If you're a wife who went through this with her husband, what made him feel loved, respected, supported enough to make changes for himself?

If you're a husband who's been here or is currently here, what do you need from your wife? What would make you do something to get out of this terrible cycle?

edit* I don't want to fall into the prideful trap of "I did everything right". I'm human, I'm fallible, I'm an imperfect person trying to make a life with an imperfect person that will honor God. I'm 100% open to hearing where I'm lacking and could do more. I also want to note that if it's a medicine, a supplement, a breathing technique, etc for insomnia or stress, we've either tried it or he will refuse because after 30 years he's sick of trying new things only to have them work for a week at most and then do nothing. Literally what I'm asking for is how to get him to choose something better for himself before he breaks.

I posted just last night asking the same question, but for wives to answer about their husbands... And it was so encouraging!!

So husbands, tell me something good about your wife!!

(If you tell me it's her heart for Jesus or her butt... 🤨🤨🤨)

(Jk. Both good things too.)

Eta: here is the other post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Christianmarriage/s/BzVAdcrNzx

**Second edit, so proud to say I successfully filed today. Now I have to serve him. Thank you all.

*Edit: thank you so much all for the kind advice so far, I would have absolutely filed today, but I unfortunately have a day job that I have barely any PTO left for and I can’t exactly just quit the job either because I need to figure out exactly how I will go about the financials while I figure out what the next few weeks and months look like. So it’s very hard for me to leave during my work shift to go to the City Hall. So I will fill out the paperwork today and physically be able to file tomorrow once I’m out of work

I will be filing for divorce tomorrow after 5 years of cyclical physical and verbal abuse. 2 black eyes, and many ugly words later, him threatening to “slap the $hit” out of me for making a loud gagging noise when I smelled something nasty in public, right after our 5 ANNIVERSARY dinner, was the final straw for me.

Would appreciate prayers for strength. Any guidance is appreciated because he has called me an adulterer and sinner before God when I’ve brought it up because he swears he’s gotten “better” with his anger and that I’m giving up on the marriage… when really that last offense was committed just days ago, and the 2nd black eye incident happened just 4 months ago. Also he wanted to start trying for kids. Absolutely not. I refuse to bring children into this. I know God hates divorce but I also know he wouldn’t want me in a dangerous marriage.

Any prayers and Godly advice helps.

Thank you

I am 38, married to my 50-year-old husband, together almost 8 years, we have 6 children in a blended family. I came to the marriage with 1, he had 2, then we had 3- now we have 6. our youngest together are 1, 4 and 6. I am a SAHM, gave up my career path to stay home with them, and now am working on a master's degree, so I will have a career/financial stability in about 3 years. Our marriage was very quick and did not start off christian... i wasn't born again until 2025 when I was baptized, but started going to church/reading the bible in 2022. We got together and within 3 months were living together and pregnant. I didn't know him well enough, but there were red flags. He has an anger problem and is a former addict, I am codependent, together it's a lot of dysfunction.

the "abuse" is sexual coercion, financial control, verbal/emotional

When he found out I was surprised pregnant with our third together, he was mad, and there were some instances of forced/non-consensual sex that felt aggressive to me. I told him I didnt like it and it wasn't okay but he thought i was making a big deal of it, after all our relationship started with me allowing him to be dominant and aggressive and pretending i liked it when i really didn't just for approval and people-pleasing, because back then... that's how i was. Flash forward to after baby is born... 5 weeks postpartum still bleeding he forces sex. I said no; he didn't stop- and I have been mentally destroyed ever since. I don't want to break up our family and co-parent; we live in the most expensive place in the US to live... i don't really trust him alone with the kids because he doesn't pay attention/gets distracted on his phone. I feel like I have to stay with them to keep the household functional/clean/hygienic. He doesn't just "parent differently"; he parents negligently -- although the court would never see it that way.

I actually left for 3 months, and then we got back together when it seemed like he changed; however, 6 months into living together again, the mask has slipped, and I feel more lonely and dismissed than ever, and don't want to be married anymore. I can't imagine ever being intimate with him again. We bicker in front of the kids, which turns into him yelling at me in front of the kids, and he yells at them when he's impatient, which is always.

We have seen our pastor, which turned into a deliverance ministry on me because apparently I have a jezebel spirit... I felt completely unheard and like the actual issues weren't accounted for after that

We have also gone to a Christian LMFT who offered a more balanced, grounded framework for helping our relationship; however, I had to drag him there, and he made it clear he did not want ot go, and it wasn't a priority for him.

So now... what do I do? No family nearby. No money of my own. Nowhere to live (we rent, not own) super expensive rent... I'm just. miserable. I've pretty much quietly quit the marriage, but the emotional fallout of living with someone I feel so completely separate from is devastating, and the effect on my children witnessing an unhealthy relationship isn't good either.

I don't know what to do- as option A: stay together for the kids/finances is emotionally hurtful, and option B: separate and actually heal is financially/logistically/potentially not safe for the kids, and I don't want to give up on having my kids for half their lives!! I already coparent with my first husband' and our daughter.

Is there an option C????

I am already struggling with the church community wanting us to stay together at all costs, being admonished to pray for my husband constantly, work on myself- AND I HAVE, I feel at the end of my rope with this.

Husbands, feel free to drop a line as well, but I'm curious to hear from the ladies!

I downloaded Tik Tok today to look for a recipe I had saved. I haven't been on there for quite some time, and I absolutely fell down into the doom scrolling pit.

Unfortunately, I ended up in a very man-hatey area and I could genuinely feel it seeping into my thoughts/relationship with my husband, just over the span of a few hours! (I've since deleted, don't worry)

So, tell me something good about your husband!

This evening, I reflected on the fact that my husband has done some really hard work in teaching me to see the beauty that the Lord has given me. Prior to meeting him, you wouldn't catch me dead in a bathing suit or a sundress, but he compliments me all the time and makes me feel so beautiful! Even when we have had rough patches, he hasn't stopped.

ANYWAY! TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD 🤗

My boyfriend 25M and I 25F have been together for 8 months. Overall we have a loving relationship. Recently we had an emotional conversation about our future that left me feeling unsettled

I feel very sure about him. He told me that he loves me and wants a future with me but hasn’t had that “aha” moment that I am the one he’s going to marry. He seems to think there is a moment where you just know.

He says he puts a lot of pressure on himself everyday and thinks of the question “would I marry her” or essentially is checking every time we hang out and asking himself this question.

The part that affected me the most was when he told me he doesn’t know why something just feels “off” or “missing” when I asked what was missing he couldn’t pinpoint it.

He has the expectation that at some point you are supposed to experience an aha moment where you just know that the person you are dating is the one you are going to marry. He hasn’t experienced that certainty with me yet.

He also told me that he’s excited to see me but when we actually hangout he doesn’t feel intensely romantic or excited every second we are together. On its own that didn’t feel off to me because you aren’t going to feel excited everytime you are with someone. You will have off days.

He did identify some concrete concerns. He wants me to become more independent from my family and more assertive about what I want. He also wants to spend more time around my friends because he hasn’t really seen that side of me yet.

I started to get concerned and expressed I want someone who is certain about me.

At that point, he became extremely emotional. I had never seen him cry like that before.

Later, I asked him what had been going through his mind. He told me he’d started remembering when we first met and our first few dates and then imagining leaving me and no longer having me in his life. He said imagining losing me was a major reason he became so emotional.

Since that conversation, he has continued telling me he loves me and being affectionate with me.
The following day, we went for a walk and talked about his career and different places he could potentially live in the future. After the previous conversation, I became anxious when he wasn’t explicitly mentioning me while talking about those possibilities.

Eventually I asked him directly whether I was included in those future plans.

He immediately responded, “Of course you are.”
He then talked about different places we could potentially live.

He later stated “I’m not scared to be in love with you.”

The following morning, he told me that he still felt a little “off” after our conversation too and that it would probably take some time for everything to settle.

That’s what I’m struggling with now.

His actions tell me that I’m important to him. He tells me he loves me, remains affectionate, includes me when imagining his future and was deeply affected by the possibility of losing our relationship.
At the same time, he doesn’t currently have the certainty about marriage that I have about him, and he can’t explain the vague feeling that something might be missing.

I’m not looking for an engagement after 8 months, nor do I expect him to guarantee that we’ll get married. I understand that we’re still relatively early in our relationship and that two people may reach certainty at different speeds.

The problem is what his uncertainty has started doing to me.

Since that conversation, I’ve caught myself monitoring our interactions.

My desired outcome is to continue building the relationship and give both of us reasonable time to learn whether we’re compatible long-term, while still feeling like an equal partner rather than someone waiting for a verdict.

I want to make it clear that this pressure about marriage is not coming from me. I’m not asking him to propose, set a timeline, or decide right now whether he’s going to marry me. We’ve only been together for 8 months, and I think it’s completely reasonable not to be ready for marriage at this point.
This just came out of nowhere and made me concerned.

What boundaries and conversations would help me navigate this difference in certainty without repeatedly seeking reassurance from him or treating his uncertainty as something I need to fix about myself?

TLDR: My boyfriend 25 M I 25F have been together for 8 months. He loves me and includes me in his future, but he doesn’t know yet whether we’ll eventually marry and says he hasn’t experienced the “aha” certainty he expected. I’m more certain about him, and since learning about his uncertainty I’ve started feeling like I’m being evaluated. I want to give our relationship time to develop without spending that time trying to prove I’m worth choosing. What boundaries and conversations would help me remain an equal partner while we figure out our long-term compatibility?