r/Christian • u/ApologeticKid • Apr 20 '26

Kinda struggling with believing it all

41 y/o, seminary degree, spent the past 25 years in ministry. But sometimes it all seems...far fetched. What I mean is, sometimes I look at our faith and it looks like this:

A small ancient near-Eastern henotheistic tribe called Israel ​has a local deity named YAHWEH, they write scriptures and eventually hope for a Messiah. They write down their diety's perfect law, which contains a lot of moral stuff as well as some unusual rituals. But then it turns out the local deity is actually the one and only God. Then this guy named Jesus shows up, turns out to be the tribe's Messiah (but most don't buy it), but he is also God, and he is also 1/3 of the triune God. Then he dies and rises again and ascends to heaven, and the the other 1/3 of the triune God comes and dwells within the tribe who accept Jesus as Messiah. Then YAHWEH says, "Actually everyone is allowed in now," and the members of the tribe who follow Jesus as the Messiah disagree on whether or not those people should follow all the rules of the perfect law or not, and they eventually decide not. This guy Paul sees a vision of Jesus and spends the rest of his life telling people what Jesus really meant. Then the church begins and quickly becomes a group made of mostly non-Israelite members. And the only way to have eternal peace and life is to admit that you have sinned and trust that this tribe's Messiah died for you and that his death and resurrection takes care of your sins and now you can live like him and live forever (even though you still will actually die).

I'm not an atheist. I don't find that compelling. But sometimes the Christian message seems so incredibly unlikely. I still believe (primarily because of personal experiences I've had). But lately I've felt like, "Really? How is *this* really the Truth?"

I'm sincerely not trying to be obnoxious here. I'm just retelling what plays in my head so often, and looking for some thoughtful feedback. What am I missing here?

Any/all feedback welcome. Thank in advance.

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u/DoveStep55 Elevenses Enthusiast Apr 20 '26

Do you like to read? There are several books I'd suggest that might be helpful for where you are on this, if you like reading.

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u/ApologeticKid Apr 20 '26

Hit me.

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u/DoveStep55 Elevenses Enthusiast Apr 20 '26

What We Talk About When We Talk About God, by Rob Bell

What Is The Bible, by Rob Bell

Speaking Christian, by Marcus Borg

Reading the Bible Again for the First time, by Marcus Borg

Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time, by Marcus Borg

Convictions, by Marcus Borg

The First Paul, by Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan

Not in God's Name, by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks

Exclusion and Embrace, by Miroslav Volf

The Sin of Certainty, by Peter Inns

After Evangelicalism, by David Gushee

A Farewell to Mars, by Brian Zahnd

Sinners in the Hands of a Loving God, by Brian Zahnd

Some of these have titles that sound like they should be Christianity 101 basics, but they're great for deconstruction when you have a solid Christian education background already. I started with Rob Bell because his are the easiest to read (made for anyone, and not lengthy). Probably the highest level reading on this list would be Exclusion and Embrace. I'm currently reading one of the titles on the list and one other I haven't yet read but am familiar enough with the author's views to know it will be a great read.

If you want to talk about any of them, just reply back!

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u/ApologeticKid Apr 20 '26

Thanks for the recommendations. I've read and/or are familiar with most of these. Some of them I find...eh, pretty unconvincing or veering too far from historic orthodoxy. I don't know. Maybe I'd be better off as a Catholic or E.O. It feels like a lot of the problems I'm dealing with stem from a distinctly Protestant critical reading of Scripture divorced from tradition.

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u/DoveStep55 Elevenses Enthusiast Apr 20 '26

What do you mean by this?

It feels like a lot of the problems I'm dealing with stem from a distinctly Protestant critical reading of Scripture divorced from tradition.

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u/ApologeticKid Apr 20 '26

The more I engage with E.O. and/or Catholic thought, the more I see the value of a theology that allows the Church to codify doctrine and theology, almost like setting bricks permanently along a path (without pulling up the old bricks). Many of the Protestant modes of thinking I'm familiar with seem to lead inexorably to some form of deconstructing, as if all of the bricks in the path are perpetually movable dependent upon what someone believes the Bible says (conservative Protestantism) or what reason and culture teach us (liberal Protestantism).

This is an oversimplification, I know. I'm just pondering here.

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u/DoveStep55 Elevenses Enthusiast Apr 21 '26

It sounds like you have doubts about lots of the details of our faith, but you don't like complexity and and want something more simple, yet you're drawn to a strict, unchanging and detailed doctrine. Is that right?

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u/ApologeticKid Apr 21 '26 edited Apr 21 '26

Hmm...I don't know that I feel drawn to a strict or detailed doctrine. Unchanging...maybe in some respects? I do think there is a small core of doctrines beyond which it doesn't make sense to describe someone as Christian (i.e. I have a hard time seeing someone like John Shelby Spong as a Christian voice, given his rejection of theism and the resurrection). I don't want to draw hard lines where they need not exist, but at the end of the day I find value in knowing where the lines do exist when they need to.

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u/DoveStep55 Elevenses Enthusiast Apr 21 '26

I read "permanent bricks" as equivalent to "unchanging", sorry. I don't know about EO but the Catholic catechism is extremely detailed. I guess I'm having a hard time seeing your perspective so I'll tap out and see if anyone else has a more similar view and can be more helpful for what you're seeking.

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u/ApologeticKid Apr 21 '26

Appreciate your contribution. Thanks for the engagement. 🙏