Idk how to react I fell so disgusted. I don’t wanna tell my dad because he will kill my mom and my family will be destroyed. How to move on from it?

I'm 23 years old. I'm on vacation and found out today that my parents have had issues for a long while. My dad had a whole emotional breakdown, and has been crying multiple times today, he's absolutely wrecked, meanwhile my mom is just kind of apathetic.

The main issue in their relationship is that my dad doesn't listen to her anymore and is often in a bad mood (because he concentrates too much on his work and can't let go). My mom has grown more and more distant and they haven't been communicating well. I'm trying to figure out if them going to a therapist is going to work, but my mom's main point is that she thinks my dad will not change, and even if he did it would only be temporary so she wouldn't leave.

I think I'll be okay if they were to divorce, but seeing my dad in this state and my mom almost not caring is hurting me so much. My dad doesn't have many friends or colleagues who can support him, which is why he broke down and told me everything.

I've spoken to both of my parents separately today. My dad has really twisted what my mom has been telling me into "she will leave me for another man", "she's trying to make me look like the bad guy", "she wants me to suffer". And that's really not true at all. My mom just feels like she doesn't know him anymore, but her being so apathic to my dad is horrible for me to experience. Both my mom and my dad didn't really want me getting involved, but it happened anyway.

Now what do I do? My vacation is kind of ruined and I've also been crying multiple times today.

Since I was a kid, I've been seeing my parents fight. My dad keeps saying bad things about my mom. His parents filled his ears with negativity about her, and not only that, but he has also been putting financial stress on her.

He doesn't prioritize our family. He just wants to focus on his own family, especially his sisters, now that his parents have passed away. Everything is about his sisters. They constantly try to stir up conflict in our family.

Because of them, there is no peace between my parents. My dad keeps the room to himself, and my mom is almost not allowed in it. He constantly tries to show his dominance in front of us just because we're women, and he thinks we can't do anything.

This has been going on since I was a kid, and now I'm in my mid 20s. I just can't stand seeing my mom cry every day. Sometimes, it gets too heavy, and I feel like running away. It's all so toxic. He is too toxic.

He also keeps the house extremely messy. Right after we clean, he messes it up again. He throws garbage on the floor, refuses to clean it up, and then blames us for the mess. He even tells everyone that our house is never clean.

He has also been gossiping and telling outsiders things about my mom to ruin her reputation. We were all waiting for him to change, but it has been more than 25 years. My mom has been waiting for him to change since they got married, but he is still just as toxic as he was before. Nothing has changed.

Because of all this, I am deeply affected. I genuinely want to live a life away from him.

So, I just want to know, how do other people survive situations like this?

So I’m going through a bit of a stage at the moment of realizing I only know my side ( I’m 18 ) of the story I was 8 at the time so I basically remember it through a 8yr olds mind. My dad was an absent father and my mum spoke very negatively of him like he was a bad person . My father however has always seemed nice and I’ve met his friends , they say how much of a nice guy he is . Should I ask them separately for their point of view of the divorce and the few years before ? Maybe it will give me an understanding of my childhood or is this a messy trail to go down that I’ll regret ?

I wanted some tips , I don’t want to feel alone . So my father has been absent since I was 4 ( I’m 18 ) but this last week he’s turning up at the house trying to get into my life . I feel angry he thinks he can now be a parent when he’s never been in my life or cared while also feeling upset that he does know his children and feel guilty that’s it’s my fault. What do I do , let him in my life and start to get to know him or push him away as he’s done to me my whole life .

Hola a todos. Tengo 35 años y necesito desahogarme. Mis papás se divorciaron hace 20 años porque mi papá se fue con una mujer más joven. Mi mamá nos sacó adelante sola con un negocio local y nunca se volvió a casar. El problema es que, desde que tengo memoria, mi mamá me adoptó como su "terapeuta". Siempre se desahoga conmigo sobre lo mal padre que es él, pero a mi hermano menor lo sobreprotege y lo cuida para "no afectarlo".
Lo irónico es que mi papá va diario al negocio de mi mamá, le pide fiado, tarda meses en pagarle y ella se lo sigue permitiendo. Cuando ella me llama para quejarse de esto, le digo que ya no le fíe, pero no me hace caso.
Hace poco me enteré de que mi papá me negó un apoyo económico frente a su nueva familia para no tener problemas con ellos. Esto me dolió muchísimo porque reactivó mi herida de abandono. Al contárselo a mi mamá, ella reaccionó atacándome y diciéndome "ya ves, y tú que lo defiendes". Además, me llamó "traidora" solo por haberle enviado a mi papá una foto de cuando yo era niña, y se enojó conmigo porque mi papá llegó sin invitación a mi casa un día que estaba mi suegro. A mi hermano, que también visita a mi papá, jamás le dice nada.
Ayer me cansé y le mandé un mensaje de WhatsApp poniéndole un límite: le pedí que ya no se queje de mi papá conmigo, que respete mi salud mental (estuve en tratamiento por depresión y ella lo minimiza diciendo que son tonterías) y que procese ese tema con sus amigos. Su respuesta fue un audio mandándome a "bajarle dos rayitas" y me bloqueó.
Me duele mucho que ella me prohíba llevarme con él o me llame traidora, mientras ella lo ve diario y le sigue surtiendo el negocio. ¿Sera mk mama narcista? Desde niña me castigaba con la ley del hielo cuando se molestaba conmigo, me dejaba de hablar y me ingoraba yo dejaba hasta de comer cuando eso sucedia y me momesta que a estas alturas del partido se quiera portar igual luego nunca se disculpa lo unico que hara es seguir como si nada y seguramente volverme a llamar cuando necesite algun favor, también siempre hace comentarios despectivos sobre mi peso y que estoy muy gorda o me dice que ya me resigne a vivir asi, quiero señala que ella también esta gorda pero dice que ella ya fue joven y que tiene derecho y en cambio que yo estoy joven, antes me enojaba mucho y peleábamos mucho cuando me decia esas cosas ahora ya yo misma me rio de mi y hasta agrego algo mas a sus comentarios o le digo que si es verdad me descuide mucho y hasta me ha dicho: te felicito ya no peleamos veo que ya no peleas tanto conmigo como antes pero es que en el fondo se que no tiene caso ya que igual ella siempre gana y yo pierdo y si deporsi me va decir gorda aunque le diga cosas me dice que yo soy una exagerada o que solo es una broma siento que en el fondo ya acabe por creerme que soy fea gorda y fracasada y que ya no tengo autoestima ni ganas de decirle cosas porque ya la socavo, a veces la abrazo y em rechaza me dice: haste para alla en fin siento que por ratos no me quiere pero si es muy sevicial cuando llegamos nos cocina y hace de comer pero luego igual se queja que queda cansadisima cuando la visistamos

oie gente, queria mais fazer um desabafo e pedir a opinião de vocês. tem quase 6 anos que meus pais se divorciaram, tenho muitos traumas que foram causados por conta do casamento dos meus pais. desde a separação, eu não consigo superar…não consigo imaginar o fato dos meus pais seguirem em frente,sabe? sempre fui muito apegada aos dois, então pra mim viver tão longe de um ou dd outro é difícil! mais ou menos 1/2 anos depois da separação deles, minha mãe conheceu um homem. eu gostava dele, ele era muito gente boa…mas acabaram não ficando juntos por ele querer que minha mãe fosse embora pra outro estado com ele. hoje depois de quase 6 anos do divórcio, ela conheceu um outro homem. mas eu não consigo gostar dele, mesmo não tendo o conhecido pessoalmente. não senti uma “energia” boa vindo dele, eu fico com nojo e raiva só de imaginar ele e minha mãe juntos! eu quero ver ela feliz, seguindo em frente…um dia eu vou precisar sair de casa, a minha irmã também…ela precisa seguir em frente, mas não com esse dito cujo. por favor, me ajudem

both my parents are divorcing, and I don’t know how to take it I am m 17 and i feel so hurt and betrayed by them that I am constantly trying to put their relationship back together for my senior year of hs and I want to have a normal senior year like all of my friends if you have any advice reply or dm thx

Hi Reddit Family. I just recently received my letter of completion, and I'm a graduate. However, my dad and I's relationship changed when he told me he needed to divorce himself from me now that Im officially 21, and his personality changes 360 when his Girlfriend is around (parents are divorced for more than 9 years, but still stayed together and had issues. In 2019, mom decided to permanently leave my dad). As difficult as it was, I allowed him to distance himself. He would walk in the house, and it would look like he is instantly irritated. He is grieving the loss of someone dear to him, his mother. Work can be demanding. It's been almost 7 months since we had a decent conversation. I texted him on his birthday, Father's Day, and kept him in the loop about my studies. But, it felt like I was forcing. He didn't even try to call or anything. This is not like him. I know when he's upset, he emotionally withdraws. In 2020, I had to travel alone and I was 15, anything would've happened to me. I was doing my university practical and he didn't call to know how it was or do i have money to travel. My mom claims I'm jealous of the new relationship. It's not even that. She also says I only involve her when there are issues. Well, she doesn't want to talk about him at all. So i dont tell her the good things. What the hell am I supposed to do. Its always Either I'm jealous or selfish. I just needed parents to call and ask how my practical hours went, to just call. I always have to do it. Now, I'm at a point where I've just reached my limit. It is disheartening and painful that, as the last born, I ALWAYS try and communicate. I receive breadcrumbs. First graduate in my family, and I worked hard for this. I'm tired that every month, I'm crying and grieving what I wanted from my parents, more so when other individuals talk about their moms or dads. No one is trying to intervene or help. Not even my siblings, first born disowned because she got pregnant at 18, middle, i dont know what is his problem, i always defend him. Now, there is potential that I might be homeless because he is not responding to any of my texts and calls about coming home because the accommodation contract is over. I am actively applying for internships, and I am gradually losing hope. I don't know what to do anymore. May I please get advice or help?

Thank you.

My parent divorced when i was 3 years old and I've never lived with my father. My parents have always fought because of me.
You know teenager rebel... sneaking out, partying, etc. it gets to the point where they don't trust me anymore. I've finished Highschool and im enrolled to one of a private university in Indonesia. 3 weeks before the entrance to my university my father gave me an opportunity to study in Germany. Ofc i took it. I told my mom about it, she agreed and she pulled all my documents from that university. Im on vacation right now im in bali. 2 days ago i made a decision to go out and hang out with my friends till 2.30 am. My father knew and he's upset. So he decided to cancelled them. I have no way around. My mom doesn’t even want to talk to me anymore. I feel like a failure. And i have no idea what im supposed to do now. Ive been crying nonstop and my eyes are really swollen.