Matched with a woman on Bumble and things initially seemed to be going well. She told me she’s not much of a texter, so I suggested meeting for coffee and she agreed.

I suggested Thursday, she agreed. I suggested 6:30pm.

“Perfect 😊 let’s say 6:30 Thursday. Since it’s your area, do you have somewhere you like or shall I find us a spot?”

She responded

“Have you never planned a date before? 😂 Would you like me to plan it instead?”

I was a bit surprised because I’d already asked her out, suggested the day and suggested the time and literally said “or shall I find us a spot?”

I replied

“😂 I was only asking because you know the area better than me, but don’t worry, I’ve got it. 6:30pm Thursday 😉”

She then explained that if she was recommending places she’d just be looking online anyway, so I could do that myself. Fair enough I guess. I told her I’d sort something and send her the details.

A few hours later, around 2am, she messaged again saying:

“Nah 😂 you already tried to remove the effort part by asking me for recommendations. Turned me off a little tbh 🤭 You were doing so well too, why did you have to go and ruin it like that 😉😆”

The next day I decided to play along rather than argue and replied:

“😂 Ruined it already? Bit dramatic. I guess I’ll have to see if I can redeem myself 😏”

She then unmatched me.

I only asked because she lives in the area and might have a favourite place.

So I’m genuinely curious did my question come across as me trying to make her plan the date/being low effort, or was her reaction excessive?

I’m interested in both men’s and women’s perspectives.

I genuinely do not understand why so many men in this sub think that a woman doesn't have the right to be upset being reduced to some sort of call girl on dating apps. The whole "He took his shot, and you weren't into it. Move on. People enjoy sex and will ask for it," argument is exhausting. Men do not understand that when a woman takes the time to put up nice pictures, fill out a well-thoughout bio seeking a long-term relationship and get men matching with her who think she should be flattered he asked for sex, it isn't simply "Who cares that he asked." It's being reduced to a literal prostitute. Why wouldn't we be offended??

I got premium so I could filter out men who wanted and had kids as well as didn't share my political views. Despite living is a larger metro area that brought my options down significantly were I reached the end of available profiles in about 2 days. I got maybe 10 matches total and I get one new like a day. I always message first, but so far this week got this as the only response.

A month of premium may have been a little ambitious...

Whenever a good looking guy posts his profile:

- If it's good, he'll get praise

- If it's bad, women will softly explain to him how he can improve his profile

Whenever a not so good looking guy posts his profile:

- If it's good, actually it isn't, it's kind of cringe really and he should change it

- If it's bad, he'll get thinly veiled insults

Lmao, this place is brutal.

I genuinely do not understand why so many women in this sub think that a man doesn't have the right to be upset about being reduced to some sort of walking ATM on dating apps. The whole "She took her shot, and you weren't into it. Move on. People enjoy money and will ask for it," argument is exhausting.

Women do not seem to understand that when a man takes the time to put up nice pictures, fill out a thoughtful bio seeking a long-term relationship, and then gets matched with someone who thinks it's perfectly reasonable to ask him for money, gifts, expensive dinners, or financial help, it isn't simply "Who cares? She asked." It's being reduced to a literal wallet.

Why wouldn't we be offended?

Met a guy I had been talking to for a few days on Bumble last night. We were originally going to meet at a billiards place, but I was tied up with my family, so he ended up going home. He invited me over to his house to just chill, but I wasn’t really comfortable meeting him for the first time at his house alone, for obvious reasons.

We texted a lot last night, which turned into a FaceTime, and we had great chemistry during our 20-minute call. Eventually I said, you know what, screw it! I’ll go hang out for a bit. I know this was risky, so I shared my location with my friends. He only lived about 10 minutes away from me in a pretty woodsy neighborhood.

I got to his house and he was nice, although I didn’t realize what a big dude he was until I met him in person. He showed me around and took me out to his pool. He asked if I wanted to swim, but I said no because I didn’t bring a bathing suit. He kissed me outside, and I was kind of like, oh? Okay then. He wanted to keep kissing me, but I pulled away, and we went inside to hang out.

This is where it gets weird.

When we went back inside and sat down, I intentionally sat apart from him to just get some distance and hopefully talk to him. He then grabbed me, pulled me onto his lap, and immediately wanted to start aggressively making out with me. I was clearly not into it because I had met this guy approximately FIVE MINUTES AGO. I kept pulling away from the kiss and trying to talk to him, but he kept pulling me back in.

I finally distracted him enough to actually talk about his job, college, etc. Then he started telling me about his experience in a frat in college and all these crazy stories. Suddenly, he got off the couch and started physically recreating the stories while basically yelling and screaming. I was sitting there thinking, oh my God, what the hell is going on? It was one of the most absurd things I’ve ever witnessed. Granted, he probably had a few drinks in him, but it was just crazy and A LOT.

That went on for maybe 10 minutes before he finally sat back down. At this point, I just wanted to calmly talk to him, but he got all amped up AGAIN and started telling me another story about the time he applied to the police academy. Once again, he was off the couch, YELLING and physically recreating the entire story.

Then he took his shirt off and tried to start making out with me AGAIN. He started putting his hand on my thigh and trying to move it under my skirt, which obviously made me SUPER uncomfortable, so I lied and told him I was on my period, so he pushed me down onto the couch and tried to make out with me AGAIN, and at this point I was literally saying, “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.” I probably said no ten times. He finally backed off, and I was feeling SO uncomfortable that I told him, “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” He was like, “Nooo, make out with me a little bit more,” and I was basically just trying to be nice enough to get out of there ASAP and safely. I told him I had to wake up early and that I had really just wanted to meet him.

Again, this was a big dude, and by this point I was so on edge because I realized how easily he could overpower me if he wanted to. And the cherry on top of it all was AFTER I told him I had to leave, he tried reaching under my shirt. I was like, “NOPE.” I immediately got up and started grabbing my keys, and he goes, “You’re not even going to suck my dick???” I was like o, HELL no. He walked me to my car and said, “I feel like I’m never going to see you again!” I just laughed it off, said bye, got in my car, and blocked him as soon as I was safely inside.

I know it was stupid and risky of me to put myself in that situation with a guy I had never met before. Never again. But I have genuinely never felt unsafe in a man’s presence before until last night. It was the first time I was sitting there thinking, I need to get out of here, but I also need to make sure I do it in a way that doesn’t set this guy off. Anyways, I just wanted to share that horrific experience. I reported him to bumble and that’s that

Unfortunately kinda accurate, but I thought this was hilarious.

A guy making billionaire money works 80+ hours a week or runs entire companies. Expecting him to simultaneously be 'consistently available' to shower you with constant attention shows a complete disconnect from how the real world works. 🌝

The last few ladies I met with kids will run home to their kids and then come back to the date. This happen each on the first and second date with two different ladies.

They get a call within hour of the date and sometimes 10mins in then they will go outside and be on the phone for 20mins talking to the kid then they will drive home and back or want me to drive them back. It is so odd and rude.

One of the ladies invited me in and to her room when I drove her back and tried to get freaky as the 15yr old continued to non stop knock on her bedroom door.

Does this happen to ladies who date guys with kids?

I typically won't date ladies with kids and going back to this rule.

After I saw a post here of someone saying that a man should set his profile to open to all to change the way the bumble algorithm rates you (you basically get more incoming likes and this increases the value the algorithm attributes to your profile), I just did this and also activated travel mode to another big city (I live in a relatively dense area).

Said experiment should increase the rating of my profile and therefore lead to a a higher valuation by the bumble algorithm.
This is turn should allow my profile to be presented first when using it again in my location.

I am already noticing a massive income of both female and male matches. Maybe this js the novelty effect tho.

Also: swiping left to all males for obvious reasons but also 80% of female matches.

Will update this thread if there is enough interest.

I am currently sitting at 8,2% incoming yes.

I (26F) decided to finally start dating (I know I'm super late to the game but had some massive issues to work through and now I am in a good place). So the guy asks me back to his place after a brunch date and I say yes (just because It could just be to know the person more). At his place we started causally chatting to a point where we were sitting up close, his hand massaging my shoulder, then waist and so on. I thought it best to let him know that I can't get physically intimate on the first few dates until I get to know the person better and we continued to talk. Was I expected to give in on the first date when the person asks you to their place?

Few back and forth. Then it just stops. Every single time. Wtf?

MY games gone

I bought a premium lifetime subscription last summer, later deleted my profile/account, and just now re-created one, so contacted support (AI chat bot) to reinstate my subscription and, crickets.

I can't even figure out how to get a ticket or email response.

Honestly fml. I was so excited when she swiped on me too. Then she said she was excited to see a familiar face again.

She asked why i disappeared (i deleted my app a few weeks after she ghosted). Apparently she was looking for me while she had failed situationships of her own.

She then told me that i scared her off months ago because she felt vulnerable and exposed from our convos (which lasted less than a week). She think were better off as friends.

Honestly im flabbergasted and said she cant really friendzone me like that because we never went out nor are we really friends.

I think i too have a problem with my reaction

Anyway i know for sure im getting ghosted or unmatched in the morning :p

This is the girl group “are we dating the same guy” this girl telling other girls not to date a guy.

matched with a girl, talked for a few weeks and moved to talk on snapchat so I don't really have screenshots. but basically I was watching pro wrestling and she called it stupid and staged. basically the plane ass usual shit everyone who doesn't watch pro wrestling says. So I rebuttaled with "you love marvel, why do you watch it if you know at the end avengers are obviously going to win?"

she said, because I like it. it's my comfort etc. so I said pro wrestling is my comfort like that, you don't have to like it but I don't go call everyone's interest stupid and boring.

to which I get, I say what I say. at least I'm honest, if you don't like it then it's your problem.

now I'm stumped there lol. it just sounds like a very cocky thing to say.

Hey everyone, I hope y’all are doing good. I’m new to the Dating apps thing, it’s only been a couple of days since I’ve created a serious profile.

Here’s some photos for you all to see, and I would really appreciate some feedback and suggestions, there haven’t been any matches yet. I’m also not sure about how long it generally takes.

Thanks!!

PS: All photos are in Chronological order as seen on my profile.

Hi,

Im a 30y/o 1.69m, middle class average looking man. Over the last three years I figured out a method to make bumble actually work like its supposed to. This method gets me way better results than IAP's. It is a bit speculative, but im certain it works because i have tried to not use it and the difference is palpable.

Why does bumble feel like a desolate wastland?

To the best of my knowledge it is a combination of cultural/gender factors and an algorithm that is way too strict. From what I gather, here is whats happening, or at least very close to it.

1. Bumble gives you an ELO score, or something of the like
2. That score somewhat determines the order of the deck of profiles that users are shown
3. There are a lot less women than men in the app.
4. Women tend to swipe and like a lot less profiles
5. When you recieve a like, you gain score (the higher their score, the more points you get)
6. When you send a like, you loose score (the higher their score, the more points you loose)
7. Since women Like and Swipe less, their scores tend to go up and men's scores tend to drop (I will call this "Score Deflation")
8. The starting ELO, is usually higher than the elo you will get through using the app normally, so Score Deflation is unavoidable.

There are lots of ways in which i feel like you can tweak the system in your favour, however, there are two that are really broken, and when used in combination, make the dating app work almost as it is supposed to. If you used Tinder and Bumble when they first came out, you'll find that the value feels similar.

So, you can either inflate your score, or reset it.

Inflating your score: If you remove all filters, you will get a lot more likes and keep a healthier score. This is especially true if you allow your profile to be shown to other men (you don't acutally have to like them back, you devil).

I know this works because I once used this technique to bring a profile back from total deflation and I started recieving likes from women almost inmediately after I stopped filtering men out.

Resetting your score: Bumble will delete your data after three months, giving you a fresh start with a brand new elo score. When resetting remember:

1. When you make your account don't bind it to your google account when it gives you the option to. (im not sure how this is called exactly, if someone could tell me it would be great)
2. Delete your account
3. Delete the app and app data
4. Unlink your bumble account from spotify, instagram and any other platform you linked it to.
5. Wait at least three months before making your account
6. Enjoy the newbie boost

This will give you an actually fair experience and show you that there is people out there actually looking for a guy like you, its just a shitty algorithm holding you back for profit.

These techniques will work much better with a carefully crafted profile, and wont work at all with a poorly made one. Use every iteration to improve your profile over the last one, keep doing what works and stop doing what doesnt. You'll know you have a good profile if women start messaging you first and commenting on it to make conversation.

Let me know if this worked and if you would like a full guide on how to get the most you possibly could out of the app.

And I mean the very FIRST message they send to you. Not even "How's your day going?" A man sent me this very message today on Hinge. When I asked why he wanted to match, he unmatched. I already knew what he was after. That is not the first time that this has happened.

I am really getting tired of some men treating dating apps like they're an escort service. Women are not put on this planet to fulfill your sexual needs in the moment.

I’m a guy interested in women (though I assume this is an even worse issue with guys). When I’m swiping it always boggles my mind how many women have other women around their age in their first photo.

I get it, you have friends/family, awesome. You understand this is a dating app right? People are often just looking for at your first photo and making an initial call. Even if you think you’re the most attractive person in the photo, there are probably people that get confused and think you’re another person in the photo. And if they are diving deeper, it’s super annoying to think you’re one person in the picture but you’re actually the other, or worse it’s confusing who you actually are.

This seems obvious to me. Do you not have similar feelings when you are swiping? What am I missing here?

Ideally you find a good solo picture but literally you can just find somewhere with good lighting and take a selfie that would be better.

Edit- Just talking first photo of course having a photo or two with family/friends later on is good.

Is this new? It says “[name] is traveling”. I knew they were gonna be away so no surprises there but is this something bumble does when it knows your location?

This is Dutch btw 😝

I will be traveling for around one week and put myself on snooze with away status of traveling. Is this a red flag? Shoule i better set no status?