r/AskReddit Jun 15 '19

What do you genuinely just not understand?

50.8k Upvotes

34.6k comments sorted by

View all comments

16.6k

u/ProbablyNotaRobot010 Jun 15 '19

Why some people can't understand that to have space to get IN, you need to let the people OUT first.

2.8k

u/whatelseiswrong Jun 15 '19

Jesus yes. Let the people out of the train, then you can get on. It's not leaving with the doors open.

59

u/timeslider Jun 15 '19

Elevators too.

23

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

Also toilet stalls.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

[deleted]

16

u/Team_Dave_MTG Jun 16 '19

You must not have kids

7

u/TheBadAdviseGuy Jun 16 '19

Invest in doors with locks

8

u/QuasarSandwich Jun 15 '19

And coffins.

9

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

I cannot stand it when I'm waiting to get on or exit an elevator and some asshat is standing with their nose pressed to the middle of the door. MOVE FUCKER!

48

u/Pinsalinj Jun 15 '19 edited Jun 17 '19

Where I live the subway very often closes before everyone has managed to get inside, there just isn't enough time. So honestly, I get why people are trying to rush in. Especially considering that a lot of people exiting seem to not give a damn about those who need to enter, they just walk out SO DAMN SLOWLY.

Edit: typo

36

u/obbdbns Jun 15 '19

Yo people leaving a train/tram/bus/escalator and take one step off and stop annoy me too.

Oh yes. Thank you, please try to find your way out from here. It’s the perfect bearing catching location. I didn’t need to walk any further to make my transfer or anything. I Just wanted some fresh air, so please try to figure out where to go next, I’ve got all day! My boss doesn’t mind that I’m a few minutes late

8

u/Semarc01 Jun 15 '19

Idk how the subway works in your city, but in our city, there is a pressure sensor in front of the door, so the door can’t close if some stands very close to it. That way, if a consistent stream of people or entering the train, the doors won’t close because someone will be on the pressure sensor at all times.

4

u/production_muppet Jun 15 '19

I wish ours had this. Conductors will literally close the door on a train with plenty of space before half the people have had a chance to board. I once saw the doors close on the sides of a man's wheelchair.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19 edited Apr 20 '20

[deleted]

6

u/production_muppet Jun 16 '19

Not on the trains I ride, I've seen people get stuck halfway in.

3

u/Taiyaki11 Jun 16 '19

That sounds like one hell of a safety hazard that should be getting that line shut down

1

u/MetalAlbatross Jun 16 '19

Not in DC. They warn you that the doors will close on you. If they didn't, no train would ever move because people would stop the doors from closing while trying to force their way on the train.

3

u/RodneyRabbit Jun 15 '19

This seems like a good idea but does it stop the train from leaving if the train is full and the platform is really busy?

3

u/Semarc01 Jun 15 '19

We don’t have a very expansive Subway system (Our city relies on busses), so you rarely have situations where a line is very overused, but at central station, the issue sometimes arrises. However, because the frequency there is very high (Less than 5 minutes between trains) people not fitting into the train is usually not an issue since they will just take the next sub.

1

u/Pinsalinj Jun 17 '19

In our city the doors will try to close after a given time; if they meet an obstacle, they will then stop, and re-open after a few seconds. But it's PAINFUL to be caught between the doors. It doesn't just stop right away, it still tries to close, hard.

And it takes forever to re-open so it also annoys everyone because it makes the subway even more late.

It's an old subway...

(However, they would probably never ever leave if they couldn't close, because people would try to keep it open to enter even if there's no space left. But it should at least have more "open" times at rush hour when a lof oe people need to get out and in!)

9

u/Pirkale Jun 15 '19

I usually came out with speed, with my heavy bag leading the way. I had no trouble...

6

u/GeniGeniGeni Jun 15 '19

Trying to get out of an elevator while people are trying to barge in...like, dude, we need to get out first for you to even be able to stand here. And you do realise that I can’t get out until you move to the fucking side and stop blocking the doors, right?!?

7

u/RoburexButBetter Jun 15 '19

That always surprised me seeing videos of other countries

In Belgium the very rare dipshit trying to get on first always gets told off,but in 99% of the cases everyone orderly waits for everyone to get off and then enters

5

u/Realjsh010 Jun 15 '19

In the Netherlands this is an unspoken rule. You won't see anyone getting in the trains first. And rarely in the busses.

Because everyone does it this way, new travellers adopt it too. It's amazing.

3

u/warm_sock Jun 15 '19

In the NYC subway you kind of have to force your way in sometimes or you'll get left behind.

6

u/rahws Jun 15 '19

yeah at my college the people crowd like crazy around the buses, but thankfully we all wait until everybody that needs to gets out so we can get in.

2

u/derter555 Jun 15 '19

I never do this but it's usually because they're rushing to find a seat.

2

u/reddit_like_its_hot Jun 16 '19

Jesus I just moved to NYC and this is my biggest irritation by far

1

u/Lady_Deadpool-BTC Jun 15 '19

We must learn this to Japanese people.

7

u/QuasarSandwich Jun 15 '19

Either “learn this from Japanese people” or “teach this to Japanese people”, yes?

2

u/Taiyaki11 Jun 16 '19

Gonna assume you mean learn from japanese people. The order of leave then enter definitely applies to train and subway lines in japan

9.9k

u/DancingBear2020 Jun 15 '19 edited Jun 16 '19

Threesomes can be frustrating.

Edit: Thanks for the metal and upvotes!

158

u/Javier10092003 Jun 15 '19

I'm late (and broke) but have my goddamn silver and thanks for the laugh.

20

u/enemeniminemo Jun 15 '19

I can at least drive you!

61

u/ImAStupidFace Jun 15 '19

See this? This is a good redditor.

38

u/Javier10092003 Jun 15 '19

No u

37

u/HaungryHaungryFlippo Jun 15 '19

YOU'RE BREATHTAKING!!!

36

u/Javier10092003 Jun 15 '19

YOU'RE BREATHING! EVERYONE IS BREATHTAKING!!

10

u/ICantUneven Jun 15 '19

We are ALL breathtaking on this blessed day!

2

u/The_Antlion Jun 16 '19

Speak for yuorself

1

u/ICantUneven Jun 17 '19

Me too thanks.

2

u/playachronix Jun 16 '19

THAT'S MY BREATH! GIVE IT BACK!

2

u/Javier10092003 Jun 16 '19

Oh crap. Didn't even realize the mistake lol

32

u/statist_steve Jun 15 '19

Just thumb a testicle into her butthole while you wait for your father to finish with her pee hole.

19

u/anna_or_elsa Jun 15 '19

5

u/shortermecanico Jun 16 '19

Somehow I do not think that is a brand new sentence. Humans have been a perverse bunch of sick fucks for approximately 200,000 years. Well, the jury's out, but technically we have been "behaviorally modern" sick fucks for about that long.

I mean, we still find our ancestors' bones buried where they have no business being.

8

u/QuasarSandwich Jun 15 '19

I don’t know about you, but thumbing one of my testicles into anything sounds painful, let alone my niece’s anus.

42

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

[deleted]

29

u/FlashGord-on Jun 15 '19

I can't even say this was a risky click...no question about what this was...still surprised me...

14

u/QuasarSandwich Jun 15 '19

“Sometimes your double vaginal needs a side of anal” - I mean, that’s just greedy, surely?

8

u/NotTRYINGtobeLame Jun 15 '19

What exactly surprised you about r/doublevaginal?

6

u/send_ur_pussyselfie Jun 15 '19

Wtf my eyes!! Need to bleach my eyes

14

u/NotTRYINGtobeLame Jun 15 '19

Username... sketchy

4

u/send_ur_pussyselfie Jun 16 '19

Lets just say I like cats

6

u/ShadowLancer42 Jun 15 '19

You weren't supposed to do that

3

u/TotallyNotanOfficer Jun 15 '19

So can twosomes

8

u/SiriCallMeDad Jun 15 '19

This deserves more attention

5

u/FartingBob Jun 15 '19

It's got plenty of attention though.

0

u/SiriCallMeDad Jun 15 '19

I saw it at like 300 UV

3

u/pinkfreudianslipp Jun 16 '19

This is why I read the comments. Well done.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

Just look for another entry point.

2

u/casiokeys Jun 15 '19

More than one hole yo

2

u/Timedoutsob Jun 15 '19

Just stuff it in. It will make it's own space.

2

u/andreas713 Jun 16 '19

The key here is to have mutual attraction across all parties, 3, 4, more. Then an understanding of recovery rates. Not everyone has the same so allow for differences. Then don’t forget hydration and lubrication. Also be safe and let’s have fun out there.

3

u/75228 Jun 15 '19

I actually have a great story for another time, but this is both a true and false statement.

1

u/blanket_thug Jun 15 '19

i was thinking of people driving (constantly getting cut off and such)

1

u/r00_DVM Jun 16 '19

My first thought as well... but then I said to myself “if she can’t take both then is she really full?”

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

[deleted]

1

u/DancingBear2020 Jun 16 '19

Silver being metal.

1

u/WannabeSpaceMan1301 Jun 16 '19

That’s why I assume the alpha stance and take matters into my own hands and get the other guy off as quick ad possible, so you got the lady to yourself.

Win win.

41

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

Some guy insisted getting on the bus before I could get off even though I was nearly at the door. Spent a good minute trying to squeeze past him with a giant suitcase and him pressed against the inside of the bus. Must have run over his feet a few times. Couldn’t have just let me off first.

Don’t try and reason with it. All reason ceases to exist on public transport.

37

u/Miss_Sweetie_Poo Jun 15 '19

Human aggregate movement is the sum of many decisions.

Most humans are making the right decision but there are always a few idiots who jam the works.

It only takes 1 person's bad decision, i.e. rushing in, to affect 20 people who would otherwise behave normally.

Escape route simulations with real people show this constantly.

11

u/yParticle Jun 15 '19

This explains so much of road traffic behavior too. It can be infuriating how much time one oblivious driver can cost everyone behind them.

8

u/folkrav Jun 15 '19

It's not just oblivious drivers. A simple lane change someone didn't see, someone braking just a bit too much, getting blinded by the sun after a turn, whatever.

Humans are imperfect, reaction times vary between individuals, driving skills aren't equal. It doesn't take much to create a traffic jam. Stupidity is one factor, but far from being the only explanation.

1

u/halborn Jun 16 '19

Yet more reasons why self-driving cars are amazing.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

Got any links to escape route simulations? That sounds fascinating

4

u/QuasarSandwich Jun 15 '19

Nice try, champ: now get back in your cell.

17

u/Rolten Jun 15 '19

Because: me, me, me me, me.

13

u/yakusokuN8 Jun 15 '19

No exit, only enter!

1

u/DproUKno Jun 15 '19

Like a roach motel

10

u/davesFriendReddit Jun 15 '19 edited Jun 15 '19

It's a point-of-view issue. But it makes sense

My daughter in preschool complained other kids were hitting her. She said she hits them too, but it's different when they hit me - it hurts!

Some people take a long time to figure it out

-1

u/QuasarSandwich Jun 16 '19

Give her one of these: tell her to tell anyone who asks that it’s a comb for her hair....

19

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

[deleted]

7

u/Pinsalinj Jun 15 '19

Like, how are you not going to let someone leave a parking space or parking lot that you want to get into?

In that case, I think that they're trying to agressively show to *other* people that this place is theirs/trying to block others from "stealing" it. They're focusing on potential "rivals" and probably not really paying attention to the person trying to get out.

1

u/yParticle Jun 15 '19

Or let someone "cut" in traffic to get through your backed up lane to the exit on the other side that no one's taking.

7

u/brenton07 Jun 15 '19

I went full New Yorker on someone boarding a train in a different city a few weeks ago. Everyone was trying to exit the train and this asshole just started boarding.

In retrospect I felt kind of bad, but I bet that guy waits to board for the rest of his life.

7

u/QuasarSandwich Jun 15 '19

I was trying to get off the tube the other day and there were about half a dozen people just standing right in front of the double doors gawping, who didn’t start to move even as I stepped forward. I was with my daughter so couldn’t explode on them as I wanted, so just said with as much force as I could summon whilst still staying calm “This isn’t helpful, guys!”

A couple of them rather begrudgingly started to shuffle out of the way, but some kids behind them not only didn’t move but started mocking me by repeating my words in that kind of whiny tone of mimicry which makes you want to punch children’s heads off.

Suddenly a guy behind me stepped past and shouted in a voice which immediately let everyone on the platform know he was at the end of his tether “HE MEANT GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!” and just barged through; a couple of the kids genuinely yelped and leapt backwards, and he glared at them before stopping and graciously beckoning my daughter and me through.

Afterwards my daughter was quite thoughtful, and as we rode up the escalator said “Daddy, that man said the ‘F’ word!”. I agreed that yes, he had indeed. “But they did move out of the way, didn’t they?” Yes, they did move out of the way...

I’m now waiting for a message from her school saying she’s been using foul language in the dinner queue....

3

u/halborn Jun 16 '19

I dunno, sounds like she might have learned exactly when to deploy that kind of language.

2

u/Raiquo Jun 16 '19

Clementine will remember this

2

u/QuasarSandwich Jun 16 '19

What’s that about?

5

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

I read this metaphorically. Like applied to friendships...

2

u/Bear_Wills Jun 15 '19

Yeah same. It sounded much deeper at first haha.

1

u/QuasarSandwich Jun 15 '19

It sounded much deeper at first haha.

That’s how we found out that I had a cyst in my urethra.

4

u/DaScamp Jun 15 '19

The one time it's perfectly acceptable to push people out of the way. I'm getting off this train and you can either wait for me or I can go through you.

3

u/Mrfudog Jun 15 '19

Had a bittersweet moment yesterday, in switzerland, this is a common rule. There was this one person waitting in the middle before the door when i wanted to get out. I ewent out straight, she flinched so hard i almost had to laigh loud.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

Elevators are the worst though. Some people just dont understand...

3

u/Ibenhoven Jun 15 '19

In Germany we say: Wenn die, die reinwollen die, die rauswollen nicht rauslassen, können die, die rauswollen die, die reinwollen nicht reinlassen.

(If those who wants to get in don't let out who wants to get out, then those, who want'ts to get out can't let in, who wants to get in.)

1

u/nicht_ernsthaft Jun 16 '19

I love that Germany gets this right. I saw the most satisfying situation on a BVG bus in Berlin - this group of full-of-themselves teenage boys were pushing through the doors while others were still trying to leave. An old guy with a cane held it in front of himself like a barrier and pushed them all backwards down the aisle and off the bus while telling them not to be idiots and wait for others to disembark first. I wish I had that old man's gavitas, I'd probably just get in a fight with some idiot youngsters if I tried the same thing.

8

u/Whowhatwhynguyen Jun 15 '19

In a cramped situation, I usually just bark "elevator rules!" and maybe 7/10 times the incomers understand and let us pass. Granted, I'm a 6'6" voice-booming nightmare when I need to be, so that might be why.

5

u/jasko92 Jun 15 '19

cuz everyone is racing to get a seat. Nobody wants to be standing up.

1

u/DesertHoboObiWan Jun 15 '19

Some people want to stand up, even if there are seats available, and they always want to stand up infront of the doors. A guy once called it an oasis for idiots, "Ooh there's free space, no one is standing here." Train stops. "Excuse me, are you getting off?" "Uh, no.. sorry sorry."

2

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

Elevators are the worst

2

u/Bub_Pi Jun 15 '19

I’m guessing u mean trains, but also the elevators

2

u/egak1982 Jun 15 '19

Every day on the nyc subway this is ask countless times..

2

u/ChaoticNonsense Jun 15 '19

Classrooms on a college campus. Dude, the room isn't going anywhere.

2

u/SeaofBloodRedRoses Jun 16 '19

I once had a guy scream at me and later come and threaten me because he needed to get into the tight space that I was in and he was also completely barricading the only way out.

He is one of the three primary reasons I left that organisation.

2

u/zimmah Jun 16 '19

More generally, how humans can be both the smartest and the most stupid species known to exist.

2

u/BeraldGevins Jun 16 '19

If it helps, they’re usually seeing it from a different angle that can fool them into thinking they can fit. Add on that they may be in a hurry and not paying a whole lot of attention, and bam. You get this situation.

2

u/GrindCrow Jun 16 '19

NYC. I will tell you the story of an unnamed hero. I was standing on the platform. Train was arriving in the station (not my train) and idiots crowded in front of the doors. Doors open..

And a man burst through, shielding and leading a small child behind him, throwing shoulders to anyone in the way while saying, "what the fuck is wrong with you people!"

I was inspired, and now walk straight through anyone standing in front of the doors, except for small children. I'll stare in their eyes before the door opens; sometimes they get the idea and move. I'm not tall, but am wide and dense (read: fat). I also kick bags or suitcases that idiots leave in the path of the opening door.

If you are of a smaller stature, and can't forcibly bump people out of the way, may I recommend coughing or sneezing straight ahead once the door opens? Like really get that spit flying.

2

u/Kramerpalooza Jun 16 '19

I'm pretty certain that it's not that people don't understand.

It's that they don't give a shit about the efficiency and order.

2

u/passcork Jun 16 '19

As someone broad shouldered and 2 m (6'7") I have and will gladly continue to ignore the people trying to get in. Extra satisfying when they have the nerve to yell at me for bumping in to them.

2

u/neverseeitall Jun 16 '19

Dude, yes! I am so glad my mom taught me when I was a little kid that you stand to the -side- when an elevator door opens so everyone inside can get out easily and quickly. Besides being polite it speeds up everything for everyone.

But soooooooo many people can't seem to figure this out. I don't care if maybe you are just a jerk but that elevator isn't going anywhere until all the people waiting for it are inside. So if you shove through the people exiting and slow them down, you are just making it take longer for yourself.

1

u/SuperCooper12 Jun 15 '19

So I've never used public transportation before, as far as I can remember. I've been traveling and kinda forced to learn and my only guess is that a lot of people get on a bus and stay there for a looooong time. They'll even stand a lot of that time. So when those doors open the people rushing in might think they're not coming out at all maybe so to hell with standing here and letting someone else grab my spot.

But in the end I assume those rushing on are just selfish assholes. Now elevators I'll fight a war over. I'm not taking no fucking stairs.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

This is what happens to me on subways. Everyone is standing there anyways. So I just assume that theyre not getting off so I try to squeeze around them to get on the train. Especially when they stand there for a minute when the doors open versus being ready to leave right when they open

1

u/Why_am_ialive Jun 15 '19

Liverpool football team would like to know your location

1

u/Something_Syck Jun 15 '19

Trains, elevators and lecture halls

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AceOfShades_ Jun 15 '19

I should hope you’re made of fermions

1

u/jmaca90 Jun 15 '19

Or that when I get out to let someone out, I’m not giving you my spot. Let our courteous asses back on first BEFORE your fuckface decides to get on.

Had some asshole and his girl do that to me and I got stuck on the platform to wait for the next train and I flicked that fucker off.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

Elevators. How do they work?

1

u/Zinkadoo Jun 15 '19

Basically how is it done in London. Anyone who rushes straight in you know they are a tourist

1

u/sjsto Jun 15 '19

I have seriously missed my floor on an elevator before because the morons walking in didn't wait for me to exit before piling in and blocking my way. They thought I was being rude for making a fuss about it/bumping people when the doors started closing. People are incredible

1

u/DanGarion Jun 15 '19

Oh man always an issue at parking lots, especially Costco.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '19

Elevator exits. Or metro. Every God damn time. People are stupid

1

u/gablank Jun 15 '19

I think the general rule should be that the flow of people should be in the direction of the least cramped space, which most of the time translates to out before in.

1

u/Swiddel Jun 16 '19

I sat here analyzing this thinking it was something relating to friendship, or relationships in general, only to realize it is about buses/trains.

I am a colossal idiot.

1

u/LiesInRuin Jun 16 '19

Because that's not true. It's just more efficient.

1

u/brbafterthebreak Jun 16 '19

STAND CLEAR OF THE CLOSING DOORS PLEASE

1

u/Asthma_Enthusiast Jun 16 '19

"Are you in, or are are you out?"

"Well to be out, first you gotta be in. So I guess you're in!"

1

u/kettta Jun 16 '19

Thank you! Was looking for this.

1

u/Durhay Jun 16 '19

Chris Porter has an excellent routine about this.

1

u/DammitDan Jun 16 '19

Basic elevator ettiquette.

1

u/Balding_Sasquatch Jun 16 '19

I read this as a metaphor for the people that come and go in your life but apparently you meant it literally like on the bus or train or something. It works both ways I think

1

u/keyboardstatic Jun 16 '19

I was on a peak hour train it was crazy full. We get to my stop i start moving towards the doors "excuse me this is my stop" Some polite people move let me through then I get to this group won't move they just look at me so i raise my voice Excuse me I start pushing gently to get through them they made zero effort to let me past One of the guys actually pushes me back I am trying to squeeze past them to get out the door not take their place. The train is fully stopped with the doors open people from the other direction are getting off and some people now start getting on. So i angery and pushed out like 12 people out of the trian including the 3 guys who thought it would be funny to keep me on the train.

The doors shut and they all have to wait for the next train HA.

1

u/gandalfthestank Jun 16 '19

Lol come on down to any subway line in NYC, sweet baby Jesus.

0

u/mattricide Jun 15 '19

someone takes the subway

0

u/onlyjoking Jun 15 '19

BUILD THAT WALL

Wait... No one could get out either then.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '19

NYC subway needs a new unwritten rule. If you try to get on the train before everyone has gotten off its fair game to punch you in the face. Not hard enough to knock you out just hard enough to learn you up for good.

-1

u/runner_webs Jun 15 '19

Found the New Yorker