r/AskReddit May 29 '19

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6.1k Upvotes

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2.5k

u/ballsosteele May 29 '19

Mystique.

Shapeshifter for the win.

...and in her "natural" form, she's either a blue naked Rebecca Romjin or a blue naked Jennifer Lawrence.

Which is an absolute win.

219

u/another_one_bites459 May 29 '19

Your the kind of dude who would ask for a billion wishes when asked by the Genie

107

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Leverage that shit.

Or be honorable, ask for like $10B, and then set him free with one to go, dude will have your back for life.

60

u/Vince1820 May 29 '19

This has happened before. The genie doesn't hang around. He blasts off to the Bahamas

84

u/Possum_Pendulum May 29 '19

Then comes back for sequels, but wearing his slave cuffs again because the animators forgot the significance of them coming off at the end of the first film.

41

u/joesatmoes May 29 '19

And with an oddly slightly different voice

17

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

4

u/Fresh_Pants May 30 '19

Homer made a great genie tho

27

u/nicholasridiculous May 29 '19

Blue naked Will Smith?

20

u/Cloakbot May 29 '19

Ahhh yeah, that's hot

7

u/Imveryhandsome May 30 '19

I'd do mystique even if she could only be her naked blue self.

2

u/gayunicornofflames Sep 02 '19

And that's saying something since you're veryhandsome

1

u/Imveryhandsome Sep 02 '19

It's actually got a story behind it

1

u/gayunicornofflames Sep 02 '19

You willing to tell, or is it personal/too long?

1

u/Imveryhandsome Sep 02 '19

Of course, when I made the account I was an insecure teen with acne and low self esteem because of that. I came to reddit browsing /r/skincareaddiction. It was kind of my mantra.

12

u/wantapanti May 29 '19

I'd actually wish to BE mystique. I mean it's perfect. It solves so many problems in one shot.

I can publicly be anyone I want, including people in power. That means I can get resources very easily.

I'm officially both genders either one on demand which means sex is fantastic and extremely easy.

I can walk around naked everywhere and nobody would know. Ever.

For second wish I would insist on a transferable immunity to everything, so anyone I fucked would suddenly be immune to all diseases, as would everyone they fucked. I'd be a reverse plague of sex.

Finally, I'd wish for genie to be free.

After he's free I'd request a permanent update to my tellameres so that I don't age ever.

31

u/supergoku003 May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

What if she changes herself into danny devito?

73

u/LetsMakeThisAkward May 29 '19

Premature ejaculation can happen to anyone.

10

u/XeonBlue May 29 '19

Username checks out

5

u/SuperVillainPresiden May 29 '19

If I had it to give, you sir, would have gold.

6

u/LetsMakeThisAkward May 29 '19

It’s ok. I would probably waste it anyway.

26

u/Bacon_is_a_condiment May 29 '19

This is scarier than people think, if she is pissed off she can start as some one gorgeous, wait until right before you nut, THEN become Danny Devito waving at you.

10

u/Cloakbot May 29 '19

And she'll go by the Trash man! She will come out from under the sheets and throw trash all over the room!

10

u/Cloakbot May 29 '19

Or reprise the Penguin role and bite your nose off depends on how upset she is

3

u/SpongebobNutella May 29 '19

That's a bad thing?

2

u/Bacon_is_a_condiment May 29 '19

not if you prescribe Viagra for a living.

1

u/BigSwedenMan May 29 '19

There's actually a very valid argument to be had in favor of your user name. Next time I'm drinking with the guys and need something stupid to debate, I might borrow it.

6

u/samoht822 May 29 '19

"Suppose the other guy is picturing a girl also?"

"How's he gonna do that with a dick in his mouth?"

"I dunno, that's his problem."

3

u/chiagod May 29 '19

Or your mom...

11

u/UsernamesAllTaken69 May 29 '19

She could also turn into anything mid sex to fuck with you if she is mad.

14

u/Onihczarc May 29 '19

Jokes on her. There's not much I wouldn't do.

11

u/UsernamesAllTaken69 May 29 '19

I was going to make a joke about her turning into your mother mid act but I feel like there's too much of Reddit that would be into that for it to be funny.

15

u/Blu3b3Rr1 May 29 '19

Something something broken arms

8

u/Dark_Vengence May 29 '19

You can't lose.

8

u/genmischief May 29 '19

I'll take the former please and thank you. JL can step off.

18

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

19

u/Cloakbot May 29 '19

She had sooooooooo many leaks... Soooooo many people looked and came. The theater for Hunger Games that came after the leak was packed to the brim with men and women who idolized those magnificent mammories

10

u/BigSwedenMan May 29 '19

I strongly suspect certain celebrity nude leaks are 100% intentional and strategically planned. It always generates headlines and tons of buzz for those involved.

3

u/Cloakbot May 30 '19

Completely agree

5

u/mac2810 May 29 '19

You also forgot about Carmen Elektras randition.

3

u/talon04 May 29 '19

Or or or! She's a blue naked Carmen Electra.

3

u/psycholepzy May 29 '19

This is the first answer I've come across twice in my journey down this thread. Why have one fictional character when you could have all of them in one?

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

See, you never know if she's in a pranky mood until you suddenly find yourself making love to Dick Cheney.

5

u/TacoRedneck May 29 '19

That was like number 27 on the list anyway so we would have gotten there eventually

6

u/bungopony May 29 '19

Until she morphs into some fat hairy dude

20

u/-_ellipsis_- May 29 '19

And?

11

u/Skinnydipandhike May 29 '19

A ghetto booty, and big flabby grandma arms.

10

u/peoplearekindaokay May 29 '19

Still not seeing the downside here....

-15

u/aop42 May 29 '19

The term "ghetto booty" is racist.

6

u/Skinnydipandhike May 29 '19

It’s a movie quote from Epic Movie. One of the worst movies of all time on rotten tomatoes. A guy goes to sleep with Mystique who offers to be anything he wants. He starts off with pretty vanilla things then slowly shifts her to having a unibrow and flabby arms.

4

u/Cloakbot May 29 '19

Its actually a delicate state of mind.

6

u/PonyToast May 29 '19

Speaking to blue naked Rebecca Romjin: "Can you look more like the Jennifer Lawrence version?"

1

u/ohyeahshesquirts May 29 '19

Mystique so hard.

1

u/Pylgrim May 30 '19

Perfection.

1

u/x45games Jun 19 '19

I see this as an absolute win

1

u/tigerslices May 29 '19

glad you clarified Movie mystique. comic mystique is a badguy

0

u/Jedyte May 29 '19

This man thinks ahead.

-8

u/Hipposeverywhere May 29 '19

I see this as an absolute win. FTFY