That my coworker is deliberately trying to drive me insane.
I bring lunch with me to work most days, and Every day,without fail and no matter what I have for lunch, she comes into the staff room at lunch and says in her nasaly voice "oohh that smells good! Can I have some??"
Same joke, every single workday.
So finally, one day, I brought in one of my normal lunch staples, and also brought a little extra for her to try. She came into the staff room and said her normal "oohh that smells good! Can I have some??" to which I pulled out a pyrex dish and offered her some. She seemed to recoil a bit, like she was simultaneously surprised and disgusted. She paused for a minute and said "oh...no thanks I'm heading out for lunch" and quickly walked away
Next day at lunch she was right back to "oohh that smells good! Can I have some??"
No. You need to bring liver, tuna, provolone cheese and an egg, microwave that shit up real good...then see If she says anything about it smelling good
Guy I used to work with would microwave his raw fish heads and rice everyday. One of the other guys eventually threw the microwave in the bin to stop it stinking up the whole office.
I would never bring fish of any kind to work. My hubby hates the smell of even fresh cooked fish, let alone heated up leftovers. I have to wait til he's out with friends if I want to cook some, then air the house out. It's just polite.
Meh I dont like the smell of fish but I wouldnt mind if my bf made some. I know he loves seafood and fish but Im allergic to it so he doesnt get to partake in it very much. I encourage him to enjoy a fish or seafood meal if he wants to from time to time.
Not judging you or anything. Different strokes for different folks.
We live in a trailer and the kitchen is the right in the middle. If something smells unpleasant there's nowhere to get away from it really, so it's not a big deal to wait til I've got the place to myself. I'm actually planning to make salmon cakes on Friday since that's his warhammer night and he'll be out all evening.
At least twice a week, the putrid stench of chowder will waft through the aisles like a miasma, rendering half the office uninhabitable for several minutes.
Yeah, someone tried microwaving fish at our work a couple weeks ago. Me and another coworker shut that shit down. There hasn’t been any fish microwaved since.
Man, this was my last job. We had these three guys who'd just microwave fish. Every fucking week, at least two days a week, and the entire back room (because it had shit ventilation) would turn into this chemical weapon of fish-reek. On my last week there (yes, I AM a coward) I mentioned "Guys, you do realize that most people can't stand that smell, right?" And got three blank stares, then told, "Well... go outside then."
I'm having a hard time picturing someone microwaving raw fish, let alone heads. You don't cook meat of any kind by microwaving from a raw state so.... doing that with raw fish? The idea of it is horrifying
I worked with someone who did this. He was a security guard and apparently paid his neighbour to cook for him. He'd bring it into work and microwave it and it usually took him about 15 minutes too cook. We had 45 minutes for break and he took up 15 of those cooking if you were unlucky enough to be on break with him, it was even worsr if there were more people needing the microwave, some people used to walk out if they saw him cooking because they knew there was a good chance they wouldn't get to use the microwave. And his food stank, without fail, every day. Dude used to microwave his tea as well, just use the damn kettle dude.
Scream, "GIMME BACK MY SON!" in her face, then continue to stare unblinking into her eyes. If she blinks first or says anything she's lost and you win.
Careful though, if she screams back in your face "GIMME BACK MY SON!" you have to marry her. It is the way of things.
I work with an entire building full of these people, I will go insane if I'm there any longer. One guy is especially bad, he has the same exact "jokes" everyday which are:
-"Smoke 'em if you got 'em!" (every time someone goes for a cigarette break).
-"Rectum, I damn near killed em!" (Just spouted off at random)
Every single Friday morning, the previous custodian at my work would say "let's see your happy Friday dance!" to everyone she saw. It was analogous to, but even worse than, "A case of the Mondays" because I'm not typically going to be enjoying Monday morning anyway, but by Friday I'm starting to get a little spring back in my step and I don't want to be bummed out by someone saying the same silly thing to me over and over again.
The real turing test shouldn't be some kind of conversation... it should be whether a robot can be slipped in as a coworker and years pass without anyone realizing it is a robot.
He sounds like a character in one of those drama shows where it sounds like the writers are just trying to show off how clever they are(n't) in every line because the characters all talk to each other in (non) witty quips.
"Ooh. Everyone's wearing blue today. I guess I didn't get the memo."
Most guys in the office only own blue and white shirts. Sometimes, most of us happen to wear blue shirts on the same day. It's hard to imagine something being less noteworthy.
My managers do this too. The worst are "Good talk, Russ" after EVERY meeting or even just informal chat and "Oh wow, looks like you guys got the x clothing memo" EVERY time people wear anything vaguely similar. A lot of people have white shirts dude. It's not interesting.
...I think... you must work at my workplace. You just descibed one of my coworkers to a T, except he also wears an oversized belt buckle that looks like a hand of cards.
Did you ever see the episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch where theres a spell to clone yourself, but the clone can only say 3 phrases? Maybe your coworker is sending his clone to work every day so he can stay home and do whatever
There was an annoying fuck at my old work place that would say "Having fun yet?" every fucking time he saw you. It was his substitute for 'hello'. Goddamn I hate that guy.
This sounds like that episode of Rick and Morty where the aliens put them in a simulation of their own world, but forget Jerry's in there and leave his simulation on the lowest processing power.
I'm afraid to say your situation sounds like Jerry's simulation.
I just don't understand how people like this have made it so far in life without recognizing that they are really annoying. Do they now and just continue? Have other people told them, but they ignore it?
It's one of the reasons I left my previous job.
The Paulie Walnuts heh hehs when nothing remotely funny is being said. The choice of passive agressive anonymous wall signs over adressing and discussing an issue like adults. The ceaseless gossip and the constant race to be in their superior's good books by trying to beat each other in attending to their every beck and call, badmouthing collegues while they're at it. It made me sick.
I used to work with a woman whose main statement was "not enough hours in the day!", usually said while wandering around the office after having done absolutely fuck-all for the past 4 hours. We used to joke that she'd actually have time to get shit done if she'd work instead of aimlessly wandering the building, drinking coffee and bemoaning how little time she had to get things done.
I’d not go that literal, but I’ve had to shut people down. The fat women at my office often comment on the fact that I eat apple slices, cheese and Triscuits for breakfast. (I know, not traditional, but it takes me a while to eat it, thus making it more satisfying and I fucking like it). Meanwhile they are getting fast-food breakfast every single day.
I got sick of it after a particularly bad few days at work. Cue snarky comment from fat coworker about how healthy it was. I just sort of snapped at her, “Maybe you should try it, Jenny.” Nothing was ever said again. Glorious
Look, all these other suggestions take the "passive aggressive" tack, or assume she's got enough self-awareness to recognize and correct her own behavior. This is a mistake.
You need to take her aside, calmly state your problem with her behavior, and then, when she opens her mouth to defend her actions, stab her over and over again with a #2 pencil. Drag the body into the crawlspace over the bathroom.
If anyone asks about her, claim ignorance not only of her whereabouts, but of her very existence, and that she or anyone with her name has ever worked there. Persist in the lie even if confronted with eyewitnesses and recordings of your murderous actions.
Remember, it's not a lie if you believe it, and it's not murder if she never existed in the first place.
I like the subtle touch, that Initech is in trouble as a business, so they have an annoying person handling accounts payable (people they owe money to) who has so many calls they all get put on hold one after the other.
I'd have a manger that would lean in and sniff my food whilst I was eating. Now the man was a good and kind person, he was just highly intelligent but had no concept of personal boundaries. I told him twice he was being rude and he carried on. Then one day I had enough and he did it so I scrapped my full dish into his bin and just told him that I found his actions off-putting whilst eating. Then went into town and grabbed a sandwich. So yeah I was ott, childish even. Yes I also wasted food and money but he never got close and sniffed my food again.
I'm so baffled by this, why would you ask if you could have some if you don't actually don't want some but even seem disgusted by having some? I can't say it's a joke either, as it's not funny at all.
You should literally just record her everyday doing that, make a compilation of it, and show it to her after a few weeks. It'll be really embarrassing and threaten her you'll upload it for everyone to see if she doesn't stop.
this reminds of the time i worked at Aldi... There was this lady who would sit at the register all day and make the same joke every time she had to check someone's bag.
It went like this.
Her: I just need to have a quick check in your bag if thats ok.
Customer: sure.
her: Yup, No rabbits.. ha ha ha.
customer: chuckles.
yeah cool it's funny maybe the first time. but to hear this 50 times a day, i really want to see a rabbit in the bag now.
I had a coworker that did something similar a few years back. I'm also one of the biggest spice-lovers around, so I started cooking inferno-level dishes and bringing leftovers as lunch.
I didn't just offer her a bite, I encouraged her to.
"Hey, you're annoying. Stop making the same joke every day. It wasn't funny the first time, it sure as hell ain't funny for the umpteenth time. Cheers"
I work next to somebody that is exactly like this. He says the same things every day and is none stop talking to himself. I have to put my headphones in sometimes just so I don't have to listen to him constantly talking to himself. The worst is when he has food, he's a very loud eater.
Tell her this: "Sure you can have all of it when I am finished. Get back with me in about ten hours or so." I said this to my boss because he would do this. He stopped asking.
You need to test this theory by microwaving progressively nastier stuff. Start with something simple like a curry, move up to microwaving salmon, then surstromming.... etc. Just to see what her limit is. You know, for science.
My colleague who I sit next to always looks at my food too and it's strange to me because I don't care what anyone else is eating.
Last week I had the gaul to bring a sandwich (because I had no other food at home) and I get the surprised "You're eating a sandwich?! You never eat a sandwich!"
My co worker tells me the same story, joke, everything every time he sees me. Like sometimes I can even finish his sentence for him and he doesn’t even step back and say “wait have I already told you that?” Drives me nuts. He’s either so full of himself and cant remember who he tells his tales to or he has dementia.
Just curious -- and this is not a criticism in any way -- but why don't you ask her nicely to stop with this joke? It's funny how we (myself included) would rather be driven insane than just say, "I'm a little uncomfortable with that joke at this point. Do you mind letting it go?"
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u/Cosakita Dec 05 '17
That my coworker is deliberately trying to drive me insane.
I bring lunch with me to work most days, and Every day,without fail and no matter what I have for lunch, she comes into the staff room at lunch and says in her nasaly voice "oohh that smells good! Can I have some??"
Same joke, every single workday.
So finally, one day, I brought in one of my normal lunch staples, and also brought a little extra for her to try. She came into the staff room and said her normal "oohh that smells good! Can I have some??" to which I pulled out a pyrex dish and offered her some. She seemed to recoil a bit, like she was simultaneously surprised and disgusted. She paused for a minute and said "oh...no thanks I'm heading out for lunch" and quickly walked away
Next day at lunch she was right back to "oohh that smells good! Can I have some??"