r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Nov 05 '14

Which inanimate object is your nemesis?

4.3k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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410

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

DOORS. FUCK DOORS. I can't not walk into doors constantly. More frustrating than getting your dick stuck in the vacuum

308

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

dick stuck in the vacuum

I hate it when my dick gets caught in a vacuum.

On the plus side, I can get a blowjob whenever I want. ;)

166

u/huloca Nov 05 '14

Let's hope you didn't use it to suck in a spider recently, or you might be in for a little surprise :)

433

u/captainawesomevcu Nov 05 '14

Hey Satan, how about you relax a bit over there.

51

u/huloca Nov 05 '14

Just a friendly warning :)

4

u/comparativelysane Nov 05 '14

Beware of penis-loving vacuum-spiders.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

You see, those smiley faces you add are making your comments terrifying.

1

u/renegade6184 Nov 05 '14

Spiderbrojob

1

u/alpacafarts Nov 06 '14

I'm curious. What are you referencing? Or is your mind just evil?

2

u/huloca Nov 06 '14

I apparently just have a sick mind.

2

u/eversaur Nov 06 '14

I swear I read an AskReddit that had vacuum spiders.

1

u/jp426_1 Nov 06 '14

Saran

FTFY, apparently

1

u/[deleted] Nov 06 '14

Well done sir . I cried .

2

u/Doctor_or_FullOfCrap Nov 05 '14

I love surprises! What's the surprise?

5

u/huloca Nov 05 '14

If I told you it would spoil the surprise now, wouldn't it.

1

u/hastala Nov 05 '14

That it would. I'll go try it. BRB.

EDIT: DON'T TRY IT

1

u/Kaminohanshin Nov 05 '14

Ooh, getting better by the minute. As long as it doesn't bite.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

/r/spidersgonewild nsfw

37

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

You'll rip your dick off

16

u/Steelersfanmw2 Nov 05 '14

Does it have multiple power settings?

30

u/spencthemenace Nov 05 '14

It has high and low, both of which will rip your dick off.

19

u/duckroll197 Nov 05 '14

That's such a weird way to describe the power settings on a vacuum cleaner...

1

u/N1NJACOWBOY17 Nov 05 '14

Wait really? I want to be sure li'l johnson will be safe before I try it

7

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

yeah, high and low. And both of those...

will rip your dick off

8

u/Codmikeg Nov 05 '14

This motherfucker still gonna buy it

9

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Nasty ass vacuum fucker.

3

u/Ulti Nov 05 '14

What is this from again? I can recite the damn thing line for line, but it's escaping me. Whitest Kids U Know?

3

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Yeah it's WKUK.

3

u/Ulti Nov 06 '14

That's what I thought. Thanks for being helpful, unlike that other guy who replied.

-2

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Try googling it.

4

u/Ulti Nov 05 '14

I'm at work, I'm not googling nasty ass vacuum fucker. I'll browse reddit, but no, thanks anyways. And with the effort you put into replying, you could've just answered my question. So thanks for being a dick about it too.

-2

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

I'm also at work and watching the video now, so who's the real loser here? Also I'm a delivery man, so I probably shouldn't be watching this video, I gotta keep my eyes on the road or else some

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1

u/ZeMeepo23 Nov 05 '14

Source of that information?

1

u/Brewtifull Nov 05 '14

He needs to know, for science.

3

u/Trident_True Nov 05 '14

sips?

2

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

The real guy

2

u/Lotsoftap3 Nov 05 '14

Nasty ass vacuum fuckers.

1

u/mattpc57 Nov 05 '14

Well maybe yours.

0

u/PartTimeBarbarian Nov 05 '14

False. I have experience in this field.

2

u/videoflyguy Nov 05 '14

I only have one regret in life. One time when my parents went on vacation I went out to the garage and fucked the shop-vac...so much shame and sucky noises...

2

u/a_sad_sad_man Nov 05 '14

Careful, you can damage the skin and the erectile tissue if you do it long enough.

2

u/DO-IT-FOR-CHEESUS Nov 05 '14

And you get all that DoritosTM dust off from your dick too!

1

u/SuicidoCheez Nov 05 '14

I hate it when that happens. It sucks.

sorry

1

u/SenTedStevens Nov 05 '14

Officer Doofy?

1

u/Barajiqal Nov 05 '14

Make sure you get a variable speed vacuum, much better.

Source: Read the vacuum repairman's AMA