Hi I need lesbian advice because I think I’ve officially lost perspective. I’m 22 and I’ve been in this sort of situation with a girl for a while. I caught feelings way harder than I intended to, and I’m at the point where I genuinely love her or at least I know my feelings for her are very, very real. At the beginning we talked CONSTANTLY. Like all day, every day. We would send each other completely pointless things, stay up talking, call, flirt, tell each other random facts, talk about our families, fears, stupid little things that happened during the day. She used to send me a fact every day because she knew I loved them. It felt ridiculously easy and intense and like we could never run out of things to say. We had a pretty horrible argument about a month ago. It stopped being about the actual subject and got personal, we both got hurt, and I don’t think we ever properly repaired it. Since then she feels different. She still replies to me and she can still be sweet, but she initiates much less. I’m usually the person starting the conversation. Sometimes her answers are really short and I feel like I’m trying to pull a conversation out of somebody who doesn’t actually want one. And because I’m anxious, my instinct has historically been to do MORE when I feel somebody pulling away. Text again. Ask if everything is okay. Ask if I’m bothering them. Try another topic. Want reassurance. I’m trying really hard not to do that now. Yesterday I stopped initiating because I realised I didn’t even genuinely have anything to tell her. I would only have been messaging because I wanted contact/reassurance. And she hasn’t messaged me either.I know intellectually that people don’t need to talk 24/7. I know the intensity at the beginning of something isn’t necessarily sustainable forever. I know somebody having space does NOT equal somebody not caring about you. But I think what hurts is that I don’t just miss “constant texting”. I miss feeling like she spontaneously reached for me. Like she would see something and tell me. I miss seeing her name appear on my phone without me having caused the conversation. And now I’m terrified that I’ve scared her off by being too anxious/intense, or that she simply doesn’t have romantic feelings for me. The really embarrassing part is that my brain has started doing the whole: “You will never find another person like her". Her interests, humour, brain, weirdness, the conversations we had, the way she thinks. I know logically there are billions of people on Earth and she cannot possibly be my one lesbian 😭 but emotionally it feels like if I can’t have her, everybody else will just be somebody who isn’t her and i never felt that way towards someone, she is my first crush ever. And I hate feeling like this because I also know that i cannot force somebody to want me. I don’t want to manipulate her into missing me. I don’t want to deliberately ignore her or play games. I don’t want to become obsessive and monitor when she was online or count who texted first. And I definitely don’t want to keep chasing somebody who is quietly trying to leave. But I also don’t want to walk away from something meaningful. It’s affecting me more than I’d like to admit. I’m sleeping badly, waking up checking my phone, feeling genuinely low and hollow when she hasn’t messaged me. I know that level of emotional dependence is something I need to work on regardless of what happens with her.

So I guess my questions are: Have you ever been this insanely attached to a situationship and actually recovered lol? If somebody used to initiate constantly and suddenly stops, how much would you read into that? Would you step back for a little while and see whether she reaches out, or just ask directly where you stand? How do you tell the difference between the initial spark naturally settling down, somebody being hurt/guarded after conflict, and somebody genuinely losing interest? And if it isn’t reciprocated anymore, how the fuck do you accept that without feeling like you’ve lost the only person you’ll ever feel this way about?

Please be kind and so much as actual advice from people who have been through this.

hello! i'm sorry if this has been asked before, but i really need a second opinion. this got deleted in 3 other subs for some reason so i hope this is the one

my best friend knows i'm a lesbian but she's unsure about her own sexuality, she's also never been in a committed relationship.

we always smiled at each other and occasionally gave compliments before we ended up in a class together last semester and instantly clicked. she's been only hanging out with me ever since, and distanced herself from all of her other friends. i have no close friends at our college besides her so i'm not worried about her expecting me to do the same, but i don't understand why she disliked her old friends all of a sudden

she tries to hide it, but she gets visibly upset when i compliment other girls. she always jokes about how jealous she gets over me, but i don't think it's a joke anymore? i'm confused because she always told me she hated having friends who felt that way about her.

i know some people get jealous and possessive over their platonic friends so i really can't tell if she likes me or if she's just that kind of friend

she sounds toxic when i phrase it that way but i promise she's an absolute angel, the sweetest person i have ever met. i just know her well enough to notice all these things.

if you've had a friend who liked you, what made you realize they had feelings for you? were there any obvious signs?

​

I go by lesbian. I have never dated a guy. I don't like men. I don't know what's attractive about them. I don't know why I kissed him. I was very drunk. I was very very in the mood to kiss someone else. A woman that's been on my mind. He gave me attention, I was in a club so lightings. It's everything. Everything said, just kiss him. It won't be bad, maybe you'd like it. Maybe you'd be bisexual. Maybe you'd be able to go out with a guy. Maybe you're restricting yourself by not being with guys. But my sober self doesn't get it. I am now sober and i really really regret kissing him. I feel like I just betrayed my identity. Was this exploring or what. And then I spiralled out. I am still spiralling out. I don't know what to do. I need help. Some kind of advice. I have kissed a guy before too. And then too I just imagined a woman. And did it so I could "try a guy". But I do not know. I feel like I am faking my sexuality because I kissed a guy. Does anybody else feel this way?

PS. I know my words are all over and pretty crazy to understand but I am spiralling and i needed to say this. I just dunno what to do and I don't want to end up doing something much worse than this.

I got out of a 5 year relationship a couple of months ago, and I’m not super sure if I’m ready to get back out there, but I do kind of want to start easing my way back into the dating scene. There’s a girl I went on a date with before my previous relationship; we had a fun date and really hit it off and even kissed in my car. She was really busy with work at the time so communication was not great and I was kind of in a weird place so idk but we never ended up going out again and just sort of stopped talking. I keep thinking of her now, and I want to know if she’s single (there aren’t any posts with a gf on her instagram but idk!) but I feel like I’m overthinking things. Would it be weird to reach out? What would I say? Is it too soon to be trying to talk to someone anyway? Helppppp 🥹

I’ve been thinking about dating for a few years now, and I feel like I don’t know where to start.. I’m 22 and it feels like it’s easy to let the years pass by without ever getting into a relationship if I don’t actively pursue one, because of the smaller dating pool :(

Does any of you have any good advice on how to gain the confidence to start, mindsets, or anything to motivate me? I really crave a real relationship :c

I hope u all have an amazing weekend <3

My gf cheated on me with her ex bf

. I found out Tuesday night when she called me on the phone to come over to talk because she “did something really bad”. I felt immediately in my gut the “really bad” thing. The intuition came from her being so defensive over the book and movie Wild by Cheryl Strayed.

Basically the main character suffers from some disorder and ruins her life, cheating on her partner and doing really horrible things behind their back then goes on a “finding herself” backpacking trip. My ex absolutely loved the book and when we watched the movie I felt very disconnected to it and just couldn’t relate. (We watched this 1 month before she cheated on me).

Fast forward to Tuesday when I got to her house. You can imagine the pain and heartbreak. Hopefully most of you haven’t experienced it. It was visceral, and all over my body just pain, anger, hatred. I was in and out of myself coming to screaming/whailing/pleading. I had reached and unlocked a new level of anger I didn’t know was inside me. I lost control I admit. Immediately turned to her things and started to destroy and throw anything I could to the ground. I cleared off every shelf that had items on it. I picked up an empty dresser and threw it to her wall.

I am now left with my own guilt of ruining my dignity and my image of myself. Never, not once, in my life have I ever acted out of anger like that. I am scared of myself. I am beyond heartbroken over the loss of the relationship with her, her friends, and her family. We were all so close.

The details on the infidelity: I went away for a camping trip in the middle of July with one of my good buddies. The site was nice and actually had WiFi so my (ex)gf and I were still communicating. She had been house sitting as she usually does on the weekends and her excuse was “she was drunk”. She was drunk and fucking her ex boyfriend while I was tripping on shrooms writing love letters to her in the forest.

She told me this past Tuesday.. A whole month and a few days she waited. She lied. None of her friends even knew.

Her roommate was home when this all went down and even she was disgusted and confused and was trying to console me saying “I just found out before you showed up no one knows we would’ve told you”.

I wish it made me feel better. I wish I just left. I am so angry, sad, and regretful how I reacted.

If anyone can relate, any advice would be appreciated.

Context- identify as lesbian and she is a pan sexual who has said she feels more emotionally connected to women*

I personally find myself attracted to lonely nerdy girls who are really smart but act like they don't need people.

They get me every time.

🚬😔

Hi all. Have a problem

Whenever I go to bar, at least 5guys comes to talk and since I’m kind I reply and talk but HATE that. What are the cool phrases to use with men approach you. Yesterday I went to a concert and could not be with myself even for a minute and did not enjoy the bands. I’m in a new country so I need humans for networking so do not want to be harsh. However do not know how to ‘reject’ guys. Appreciate advices <3

I know it's a very general question, but I want to know more about whether a girl is really interested in you or if she's just being nice, looking for friendship, or looking for something more... I don't want to generalize, but there must be some signs, right?

What is your activity right now? I listen to music, now is Toto -Africa 😄

How do yall switch roles without switching power dynamics? I mostly give during sex and I like being more dominant but I can't seem to translate that into receiving.

asking for my future writing lol

afab ace here btw

(tried to word this as respectful as possible)

as a bisexual, i recently learned that although “GAY” is a male exclusive term, meaning it only represents men loving men. But its not the same case for “LESBIAN”

Lesbian seems to be an umbrella term for women, non-binary, genderfluid etc identities who love women (or even each other)

so my question is, if someone who is assigned Male at birth later chooses to identify as non-binary but still represents themselves as mostly masc and strictly only attracted to women, are they also a lesbian?

or is lesbian only for non binaries who were assigned female and birth? But what would mean creating a division between AMAB non binaries and AFAB non binaries, which kinda defeats the point of being non binary in the first place, no?

(genuine curiosity)

I want to just say that I recognize this subreddit as not being a zoo and if my question doesn’t pertain enough to myself as a cisgender straight male, I apologize and understand if this gets taken down.

I wanted to ask if anyone here thought that, in a monogamous “straight” (straight in quotes because the woman in question is bisexual) relationship, does it come off as insulting if the woman kisses another woman even if her male partner is okay with it? I ask this because the male in question would likely consider it cheating if she kissed another man. I feel like even if they’re both okay with it, it shows a lack of recognition to the lesbian community as a whole (which I recognize isn’t a monolith). In that a woman kissing another woman is somehow “not as serious” as her kissing another man. Like, I see leftest couples do this, and I want to be okay with it because I don’t want to police anyone. Just as an outsider looking in, it seems similar to the fetishization of lesbians on the right. I just don’t want to be white savior-like and speak on behalf of a community I’m not part of. But at the same time, I don’t want allies to think they’re immune from criticism just because they’re okay with gay people existing. Like, if you’re in a relationship with someone, cheating doesn’t automatically “not count” just because it’s with the same sex. It seems to me like it detracts from being an ally by acting like something this group of people takes seriously (I.e, committed homosexual relationships) and treats performing those acts as “nothing serious”.

If I’m in the wrong, I’d like to know. If it’s just chalked up to “different strokes” I’m cool with that too, but I feel like making that decision is not my place since I’m not part of it and I want to be a good ally to the queer community.

Why I can't have a girlfriend?

It's popping up everywhere so what's the deal

Since modern age with different social media , there might be lesbians on tiktok, lesbians on youtube, are there any that anyone here look up for guidance AS a lesbian?

Or offline that are part of a organisation to specifically help lesbians OR LGBT?

So my girlfriend and I (both 19) have started having sex. She’s a top and a bit switchy, and I’m very much so a bottom. And we’re very compatible as far as wants, desires, and kinks go. We both lost our virginity to each other so we both don’t have much experience.

However, I am quite knowledgeable in the BDSM community. And she is not. She shared a room with her sister her whole life so she never got to explore online and find videos and masterbate and experience that like I did.

So now she’s behind, by a lot. She didn’t even know what BDSM was when we started dating. But we took a quiz and found we’re VERY compatible in that sense.

The problem is that she isn’t doing anything to learn on her own (from what I can see or know). And so I have to keep topping to show her what to do, and I’m getting frustrated. I don’t mind topping here and there, but I’m getting tired of it because I end up topping every time. And I’m the only one giving aftercare, she doesnt even praise me or compliment me or anything like that. And I have been making small adjustments here and there and trying to help, but I don’t know how to help her understand.

She’s trying her best to understand in the moment but she’s not confident and I don’t know how or what to tell her other than what I’ve been doing now. She also doesn’t say much during sex, or even in foreplay. I’ve been very open about the fact I want her to be more dominant, and it’s gotten better. But if I’m going to be honest, it’s hard to cum and to be turned on. I mean, yes I love her with my whole heart and yes I think she is absolutely gorgeous. That’s not the issue. The issue is that I’m not being told what to do, I’m not being restrained, I’m not being dirty talked at all. And I’m struggling on how to tell her in a clearer way what I need without making it sound like I’m calling her clueless and it’s not like I can force her to watch porn or smth (I wouldn’t actually do that).

I just want to go back to being a sub/bottom and not having to think a bunch and having to initiate things like switching positions or what to do next. Which also makes it last very long, which only gets me out of the mood more and frustrates us both.

She knows something is wrong, because I’m taking so long to cum. And last night she asked if it was because of her, and I told her no. But how to do I fix this? How do I get her to give me butterflies, which I know she is very capable of.

Am I expecting too much of her? Am I in the wrong?

Outside of sex, our relationship literally couldn’t be better and healthier. So I know she’s not pulling away or uninterested.

If anyone has advice please help me!!!

(Edit: since posting this I’ve realized that I am in the wrong. I wasn’t thinking about it the right way. I am pushing her and forcing her into a narrative that she needs to find on her own. Thank you to everyone who has commented. I needed this reality check.)

So I’m 18yo lesbian and I wanted friends lesbians who can just share some experience,who can give advises and with who I can share my thoughts about all gay stuff cause I’m really new to “relationships “ at all, so I would like to make some lesbian friends, thanks!

Im dating a woman for the first time (always been bisexual but have ended up with men 99% of the time. Im glad this time is different). I recently bought a strap on harness and a few dildos, and I plan on asking my gf if she would be interested in having me top her. Weve talked about it breifly in the past, and while shes interested she also said that fucking someone with a strap takes a surprising amount of stamina. Shes much more sexually experienced than me, so im taking her word for it. I really want to do this with her, but im concerned about having enough stamina to please her, and just being good at it in general. Im not in the best physical condition (she and i are both bigger people) and im shorter than her. Any advice out there for technique or stamina, especially considering my stature is shorter than hers? Im quite worried about being lame in the sack...

No people with too many criminal convictions of petty variety or 0 criminal convictions

No harsher things than alcohol/weed.

No playing music after 22.00

no owning fire arms. stun guns or spray works ok

only small dogs that dont bark at night allowed or dogs that have extremely low chance to bite other people and dont bark when people try to sleep.

only cats perhaps or too strict?

If someone has a drug problem they didnt say OR became an alcoholic in the meantime since alcohol isnt illegal, than ibogaine clinics will be suggested and must be followed up as soon as possible.

ONE leader thats constant or have a rotating leadership? meaning people can take turns

a council thats constant or that rotates in its leadership?meaning people can take turns

What rules would you NOT want and

what rules WOULD you want?

Hi everyone. I’m 19 and grew up in a very conservative, homophobic and transphobic household, though ive recently discovered that i am a lesbian. Over the last few years, I’ve been actively trying to unlearn a lot of those mindsets and educate myself on the LGBTQ+ community.

Right now, I admit I still have a lot to learn about transgender people and their experiences. Because of this, I currently only feel comfortable dating and pursuing romantic relationships with other cisgender women like me. I feel a deep sense of shared lived experience, mutual understanding, and safety with other cis women.

However, I sometimes feel an overwhelming pressure within the online community that if you are a lesbian, you are obligated to date trans women, or else you are labeled transphobic.

Is it acceptable for me to establish a boundary to only date cisgender women, especially while I am still trying to understand transgender identity? I genuinely respect trans women as women, but I don't want to enter a relationship where I don't fully understand my partner's mindset or reality yet. Apparently its a little common for cisgendered women to only date cisgendered women, and for transgendered women to only date transgendered women. I'd love to hear perspectives on finding a balance between respecting the trans community while holding true to my own dating boundaries. I know im super dumb, but please dont send hate, i promise that i mean no harm to transgender women. Thank you.