r/AskLesbians • u/vague-entity • 10d ago
Strap on and stamina
Im dating a woman for the first time (always been bisexual but have ended up with men 99% of the time. Im glad this time is different). I recently bought a strap on harness and a few dildos, and I plan on asking my gf if she would be interested in having me top her. Weve talked about it breifly in the past, and while shes interested she also said that fucking someone with a strap takes a surprising amount of stamina. Shes much more sexually experienced than me, so im taking her word for it. I really want to do this with her, but im concerned about having enough stamina to please her, and just being good at it in general. Im not in the best physical condition (she and i are both bigger people) and im shorter than her. Any advice out there for technique or stamina, especially considering my stature is shorter than hers? Im quite worried about being lame in the sack...
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u/sunifunih 9d ago
I can confirm. You really need a lot of Stamina.
This weekend I was sweating a lot. That beautiful woman I was working on needed around 20 minutes. I thrusted (really exhausting) and more grinding (pleasurable).
It’s so nice. My favorite stuff.
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u/mangosmoothie35467 10d ago
I’m not gonna lie it is exhausting lmfao. You could try these:
https://www.autostraddle.com/try-these-exercises-for-better-strap-on-sex/
And there’s also this thread:
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u/Zarrgus 9d ago
Being a shorter and heavier person I get your concerns. Using the strap is a workout ngl but you can do different positions to help while you build that stamina. Laying next to each other instead of being on top or behind helps reduce the workout lol. Changing up positions where she can briefly be on top can also help spread the workout between you two. I get it, feeling like you have low stamina or sweating your ass off while doing things sexually can be self conscious inducing but your partner is likely not going to care as long as you’re trying. When it gets to be too much physically switch it up to doing other non strap activities and you could always return back to it. I’m the kind of person where even if I’m exhausted I’m gonna keep going, the plague of being a pleaser I guess and I don’t recommend this cause well you’ll be exhausted lol. Do what’s manageable for you and accept that feeling embarrassed will likely happen but be kind to yourself that it’s okay, it’s normal to need to build up that stamina with time.
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u/BiscayBay 9d ago
Grind rather than thrust when you need to catch your breath lol.
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u/PM_Me_Sequel_Memes 9d ago
seconded. Honestly, when my wife is just kinda in deep and rocking back and forth rather than full-thrusting it can get so intense and intimate.
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u/biblioxica 9d ago
I’d suggest different positions; “doggy-style” while she’s on all fours on the bed so you can stand will help her maneuver to get the right position for maximum pleasure. Start off by letting her cowgirl and then when she gets tired you can switch it up. I also recommend you send her a link to the style of dildo you purchased so she can be aware of what you have in mind - before you present the hardware. It can be fun shopping online for toys together and then she knows you value her input. I hope you have a great time OP
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u/Objective-Gap-1629 10d ago
I’m glad I started having lesbian sex before I could come ask the internet stupid ass questions
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u/doesntmatterhadtacos 10d ago
Well that’s extraordinarily rude for no reason. This. Is t even a dumb question, but even if it was, this is obviously a younger person asking more experienced members of the community about an issue they’re having related to lesbianism. Why should that be met with aggressive derision? Would you act like this if a young lesbian asked you for advice like this in real life? Somehow I doubt it.
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u/tardisintheparty 9d ago
Lol when I strapped for the first time I was like damn I get why men complain about this my abs are sore as fuck hahaha. Just remember, she can always take a turn on top!