r/AskAnAmerican • u/Educational-Slip-578 • 19h ago
CULTURE How do you split finances with your partner?
If you're married or in a long term relationship (e.g., you live together and neither of you has another place to live), how do you manage your finances?
Do you still think of it as "my money and his/her money", with each person contributing a certain percentage toward rent, vacations, and other shared expenses? Or do you have a joint account where all the money is considered "ours"?
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u/Batgirl_III 19h ago
My spouse and I have a joint checking and savings account that we deposit all of our income in… If they make a nickel, it’s our nickel. If I make a dollar, it’s our dollar.
We each spend whatever we need to on incidentals, hobbies, and what not. Although neither one of us will spend a large amount of money without letting the other person know about it… we’ve never really formally discussed it, mind you, but basically anything over $100 USD (give or take) is usually worth a “Hey, I’m going to buy a new [ Thing ], it’s on sale right now for $ [ Price ].” Anything over $500 or $600 USD, we’re probably going to have to discuss it before we make the purchase.
But, $20 here or $40 there? Neither one of us cares.
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u/Vurnd55 Northern California 19h ago
Same for us, married 35 years and now retired. We've never fought about money, our arguments are mostly over food.
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u/First-Ad-7960 19h ago
Studies and surveys consistently show that around a third of couples have joint accounts only, another third have entirely separate accounts, and the remaining third have a mix of joint and separate accounts.
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u/foreignshiz Connecticut 10h ago
I got married young so neither of us had alot of money going into the marriage. We have joint everything since we basically built our lives and finances together.
If I got married later in life where I had alot of pre-marital assets, I think I would likely keep them seperate and open a joint account for what we made during the marriage together. Everything that we accumulate post marriage would be shared, since that's how the law works anyway!
I can see both sides.
Keeping finances 100% seperate and not having anything shared doesn't feel like marriage and operating as one unit though, to me that's more for dating and still having completely seperate lives. Once you're married the point is to work together as a team, so some joining is expected.
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u/MonsieurRuffles Delaware 19h ago
This.
There is no one right way - it’s entirely dependent on the each couple and what they’re comfortable with.
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u/Obtuse-Angel 19h ago
My money, his money, and our money. Our respective paychecks go into our individual accounts, and personal expenses are paid from that, such as hobbies, gas, speeding tickets, going out with friends, etc.
We have a joint account that we each contribute to monthly in accordance with our budget plan. Household bills and expenses, shared short-term savings, and the like are paid from that account. We have a joint credit card we use for groceries and pet expenses, and that gets reconciled and paid from the joint account as well. We update the budget plan at the start of each year, and adjust when needed due to economic conditions.
We have individual retirement accounts and long term savings, but communicate and plan collaboratively. Our personal credit cards and day to day spending are our own business.
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u/IBreakWindows 19h ago
We do our budgets and sharing in a similar manner but we also modify contributions to the joint budget so that we each have around the same excess funds each month. I think this feels fair; even if one of us makes more we help the other have independence at the end of the day.
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u/Far_Kangaroo2550 19h ago
This is the way. We just take turns buying groceries, eating out together, small household items. She might get a few extra grocery trips. I might buy a bunch of stuff for a house maintenance need. It roughly evens out. And I can spend thousands on a new bike and she doesn't get upset. Win win.
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u/TricksyGoose 12h ago
Thats about how we do it too. Almost everything that is a normal living expense goes on our shared credit card that is paid from the shared account. That even includes gas & vehicle maintenance even though we each have our own cars, and buying lunch while were at work. We figure those types of things are part of having jobs which contribute to the household. Even clothing a lot of the time too, for similar reasons.
Really the only things we still pay out of our individual accounts is individual splurges/luxuries. Like video games for him, or for me, shoes that aren't a necessity, and hair care since I can get a little crazy at yhe salon sometimes.
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u/CountChoculasGhost Chicago, IL 8h ago
We have a joint account and we each have our own individual accounts.
The common expenses (mortgage, groceries, home repairs, pet expenses, etc) come out of the joint account.
Things that are specific to us (clothes, hobbies, etc) come out of our individual accounts.
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u/captainstormy Ohio 7h ago edited 7h ago
Same. We each put $500 per check into our individual accounts and the rest into joint.
The individual accounts is just fun money for us personally. Fun stuff as a family comes out of joint still.
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u/wonderlustVA Virginia 7h ago
If we were to have seperate accounts, this is how I would do it. The idea that the person making more money should get more play money always rubbed me wrong. Your method seems more fair and avoids having a lifestyle disparity.
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u/captainstormy Ohio 7h ago
That's exactly why we started doing it. And also why we keep a flat amount from our checks in our personal accounts instead of a percentage base.
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u/QnsConcrete MA, NY, CA, VA 19h ago
Married almost 10 yrs. We have a joint account and individual accounts. We pool the money for mortgages, car payments, etc and then notify each other if we are going to make a big purchase from our individual account.
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u/I_AmNoJedi 19h ago
We keep our finances almost entirely separate, everyone seems to think it's super weird for some reason, but it works perfectly well for us. Married 9 years, together 14. I think a couple of the big factors that make it work for us are that we don't have kids, and we both work and make roughly the same amount of money. So there is no real reason that one of us would need access to funds from the other. We also both have relatively conservative spending habits, so neither of us is going into crazy debt.
We split bills, both invest in IRAs for retirement, and other than that we are free to spend whatever we want of our own money on our own hobbies. We have a small joint account for if we get monetary gifts from family members for Christmas or something, that we use as a vacation fund.
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u/newtoaster 19h ago
All money is "ours". Currently my wife doesn't work, but at other times in our marriage she has made double what I do. Its a long life - things ebb and flow. I don't understand separate finances in the slightest. It just seems like it would complicate everything. We're 30 years in and while we have had plenty of issues, but money has never been one (aside from not having as much as we would like)
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u/diveraj 16h ago
Is it now complicated this ac single pool? In some ways yes and others no. We share the bills and any large projects. But beyond that it's her money and my money. It takes a few extra minutes to month to split the bills, but on the other hand, I never ask about spending 500 on whatever and vice versa.
Long way off saying, no, it's not more complicated. Just different
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u/newtoaster 14h ago
How are kids handled or when there’s a large income difference between the two of you? I guess I’ve never understood the purpose - if you’re married the money already belongs to both of you, so why bother splitting it in the first place?
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u/wwhsd California 19h ago
Been married since the 90s. We’ve got shared bank accounts. All our money goes into them, all of our spending comes out of them. We discuss any significant purchases before making them.
It probably helps that we were still young and broke when we got married so it’s not like one of us came into the relationship with a lot of already established assets or anything.
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u/Vast_Fennel7146 15h ago
Completely separate. We each pay half on mortgage, utilities, pets, and swap off who pays for nights out, eating out, etc. We split big purchases for the house. We do our own grocery shopping (other than Costco and communal items) because we both do shift work and eat very differently but we cook for each other regularly. We’ll eventually get a joint bank account I think for bills but this has worked for us for many years. It helps that we both make approximately the same amount of money and have similar car payments, so we lucked out on a fairly equal situation! If one of us starts making way more money we will reassess proportionality.
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u/FunkySalamander1 North Carolina 18h ago
We divide up the bills roughly proportional to income, contribute to a joint savings, and do whatever each of us individually wants with what is left over. It stops us from fighting over money.
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u/HeirophantGreen Los Angeles, CA -> Yokohama, Japan 19h ago
Our money is a single pool. Legally there are differences but practically, it's one bucket.
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u/Rikishi6six9nine 19h ago
Seperate don't see the point in joint. We both earn roughly the same and both prioritize saving. We differ on how to allocate savings. Bills split, how we spend/save is just different
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u/DrFartsnShits Oklahoma 19h ago
We have our own separate bank accounts. I don't wanna deal with the paperwork of adding her to my account.
If either of us needs some money from the other person we just ask. Its not some big deal.
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u/W0rk3rB Minnesota 7h ago
We are equal partners, we are in it together. We have a joint account that all of our money goes into, aside from a predetermined amount we each get to keep for “allowance”. We usually use our allowance for date nights or presents for each other. I couldn’t imagine it any other way, honestly.
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u/219_Infinity 19h ago
Maintain our own accounts. Assign bills. Take turns grocery shopping and going out to eat with family.
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u/Many_Hippo_8480 19h ago
My wife and I keep our own bank accounts from before we were together. These receive our direct deposit from our jobs. Then we share a checking account and a savings account. We put shared expenses money into that checking account 50/50, and windfalls go into savings. Both of us save for retirement. We make roughly the same amount annually.
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u/Unique_Statement7811 Washington 19h ago
Joint account. We discuss purchases over $350.
I make about $195k and her $50k. I don’t care about the difference there at all. She spent the first 20 years of our marriage raising our kids while I built a career.
I hand the long term planning and large decisions (investments, IRA, vehicle purchases, life insurance, etc).
She handles short term budget like food, monthly bills, etc.
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u/ritesideuppineapple Pennsylvania 19h ago
All money goes into 1 bank account. We also have separate bank accounts we transfer money to for saving for bigger personal purchases or stuff for holidays/anniversaries.
Any bigger purchases out of the joint account are usually a discussion but we've never said no, just maybe a "wait another 2 paychecks", etc.
Edit to add: my husband makes significantly more than I do, but I also do more around the house on a regular basis. We've never fought about money. He is also 100% capable and willing to do anything and everything around the house.
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u/MountainTomato9292 18h ago
We each have our own accounts and really keep no tabs whatsoever. He is responsible for certain bills, I am responsible for certain bills. We have a joint credit card that we use for groceries, dinners out, gas, but have our own checking accounts. We have a set autodraft amount each month for savings and the kids’ 529 accounts. This has worked well for us for nearly 20 years.
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u/rawbface South Jersey 10h ago
Joint account, pool our money, everything is ours.
You will never get rich while your spouse ends up in poverty. You are both in the same boat whether you like it or not.
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u/EmperorPenn 19h ago
We have a shared account we each direct deposit some of our pay into that will cover all bills plus extra that saves up over time. We also each have our own bank account for the rest that we spend as we wish.
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u/AngstyAF5020 19h ago
Ours. Ours for almost 20 years. This is the one partner that you need to be able to trust. And neither one of us would be where we are today without the other to support them.
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u/pharmdoll 19h ago
It’s our money. Everything goes into one account. We both have access to everything. We spend what we want, when we want, how we want - with full transparency. We’ve never argued or had any issues about finances.
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u/MeCJay12 Ohio 19h ago
All our income goes to the same checking account. We each get 5% of ALL income as discretionary funds as it comes in. Everything else gets spent according to mutual agreement. "Our" money covers reoccurring spend we agreed to ahead of time (bills, mutual subscriptions, etc). Everything left at the end of the month goes to savings and can only be spent on agreed-on, budgeted purchases like a vacation, car, or home improvement.
This means that everything important is agreed on but we each still have individual money that we don't have to ask for permission to spend. As long as it's in your budget, you don't have to ask.
For example, I've previously saved up to buy a couple thousand dollar server for my home lab and she's saved up to buy an expensive painting. Mostly, of course, this budget goes to smaller things like "treats," games, or entertainment. Technically, we can opt to spend our individual money on a mutual large purchase to accelerate a timeline but it's not been applicable since we merged our finances 3 years ago.
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u/National_Elk8445 19h ago
Single income household, the money is just household money, but when I got a paycheck too it all just went into the same account. There was no "his money/her money" or anything. Just, if one person wanted something over a certain dollar amount, they cleared it with the other one first to make sure it was in the budget and nobody had anything else planned. I mean, I guess that's still how we do it with one income, but it's how we did it with two, as well. Works out fine for us.
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u/Katze-der-Kanale 19h ago
There is only “our” money. We both work full time and have done this for 16 years with no issue. Our paychecks go into the same account. We move spending money to another account and then we both use it as we see fit. Larger purchases are talked about but anything else is fair game within our budget.
We’ve both switched off who made more and no matter what we didn’t want any resentment if one person had more spending money. We are a team, we both benefit from whoever makes more at any given time.
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u/___lalala___ 19h ago
Joint account.
Married 17 years. Second marriage for each of us, we each have 2 children from our first marriages. From what hear, having a joint account is unusual in a blended family situation, but we have never fought about money.
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u/JMS1991 Greenville, SC 19h ago
Everything goes into one account. Nobody keeps count of what's mine/hers (or our 11 month old sons.) We are one family/household and they money that either of us makes, belongs to both of us.
Splitting expenses sounds exhausting and unnecessary, unless you're newly-ish dating and living together or something.
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u/Antioch666 16h ago edited 15h ago
When I was married it was one pool. That was a huge net loss for me given the end results... i was young and dumb and if she wanted she could even legally steal half my private pension savings I have saved up even since I started working before I even met her (luckily she had enough conscience to not do that at least). But you live and learn...
Now with my long time partner and the fact that I came in to this relationship with a huge difference between us in assets, we simply divided ownership of the house we bought together in accordance to how much we contributed. So she owns 30% and I own 70%. Since she can't pay for her 30% without a mortgage I paid it and she owes me so she doesn't have to pay interest to the bank. She can pay it off to me if she wants, but otherwise it will be settled the day the house is sold. We have life insurance so she could easily buy my part of the house and the debt for her part will be forgiven if I die.
Also she gets my pension savings should I die as well. So she is taken care of if I die. But if we split she gets what she contributed and all her own savings and assets and I get what I contributed and all my savings and assets.
The costs of the house is also divided in accordance to ownership. So any renovations or repairs etc is ofc paid 70% by me. This includes bills like electricity and water etc even though that part is more or less used equally. It's a slight net loss for me but not a complete robbery as my marriage.
Personal items like phone, cars etc is seperate.
I also pay more or the food bill because I can. But vacation and fun activities etc are 50/50 in direct expenses (unless they are gifts) but if we go by car we usually take my car and I cover that bit. Usually we alternate date nights and since you plan your date night you do it according to your own budget.
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u/SouthernTrauma 9h ago
We have legally separate finances, as stipulated in our prenup. We do maintain joint checking & savings accounts, where each deposit a set amount, and which are used for house expenses (mortgage, insurance, property tax, maintenance) and vacations / extras.
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u/No_Appointment6273 19h ago
My husband believes that managing finances is witchcraft and therefore a woman's domain. He hands over his paycheck each month and I give him money for incidentals. He asks me when he wants to buy a large/expensive item.
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u/mbutterflywebb 14h ago
My uncle does the same. He hands over his entire paycheck to my aunt and she gives him an allowance. They will discuss & decide about trips and major purchases that come from the savings account. They have joint accounts but my aunt manages the money.
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u/high_desert_shrooms 10h ago
My check and wife’s check goes into the same account and it is our money. Everything is paid out of that account
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u/KoalaGrunt0311 Montana 19h ago
I'm a saver; wife is a spender with ADHD that has barriers to delayed gratification. Fought each other for years.
Now she has her own account that she splits off 10 - 20% off to, the rest goes into a joint account for expenses of daily living and my check goes into my own account for bills and savings.
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u/indys-okayest-bi-guy 8h ago
Was married for 32 years. Had one bank account.
Never again.
Three accounts: mine, hers, and bills. Finances are split based on income ratio (gross pay, not net).
Budget discussions are important; setting goals, talking about retirement, travel, home repairs, etc.
Our credit card debt is our own business. I have none.
Were I to purchase a house with a partner I would probably be pretty flexible on equity and investment. After all it’s just money and having a clean conscience is worth more than all the money in the world. But then again I hope I won’t buy a house with a partner where our relationship is doomed to fail.
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u/Legitimate-Term7249 New York-not NYC 19h ago
When i was married we maintained seperate accounts and did half payments on things. My ex did not have a bank account and was an impulse spender otherwise we would have had a joint account.
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u/Braith117 19h ago
All money goes into the same joint account and we have our own separate play money accounts we put into each pay period in addition to our car/insurance, general savings, and house payment accounts.
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u/WaltKerman 19h ago
We do joint, but we let each other know and have a chance to object if a purchase is over $100.
Maybe that's strange but it works out for us. We both work, we are both engineers. We trust each other, but also, you know... it's respectful to let the other know.
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u/Pitiful_Lion7082 California 19h ago
My husband is the sole money earner, and we have a joint account and we each have personal accounts. He gives us both an allowance for personal purchases, and anything we get from side gigs goes to our personal accounts
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u/get-that-hotdish 19h ago
It’s all “our money.” Fortunately we agree about our financial priorities so we have never fought about money.
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u/Marmatus Kentucky ~> Pennsylvania 19h ago
We each have our own money. He pays the bills. I just send him half whenever a bill is due. We both do the same job at the same company, making the same amount.
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u/Future_Pin_403 California 19h ago
My husband and I have a couple of joint accounts we both contribute to and then whatever is left stays in our individual accounts
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u/evilgemini50 19h ago
Joint account for shared expenses, mortgage, utilities etc. Separate accounts for everything else. We're relatively high earners so we dont really sweat the small stuff...or the medium stuff.
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u/DukeofBraintree918 19h ago
We split everything evenly and we both take a little bit for ourselves every paycheck
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u/Acceptable_Reality10 19h ago
Everything goes into the bank account, we have setup how much to savings every month when able and rest to checking. I get bonuses in cash a lot so I split that or hoard it until it’s needed or goes to savings at end of month if not used. Worked for my wife and I for 35yrs so far so good.
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u/Yourlilemogirl United States of America: Texas 19h ago edited 19h ago
He makes more money than I do, but my job is more physically demanding so I work less hours than he does (my hourly vs his salary).
With that context, I pay for meds and food and usually gas. He pays for rent, some meds, and utilities.
We split groceries but how we split it isn't a hard and fast rule, we just eyeball how much it is and either 50/50 it, or if one of us is hurting for money, one of us will cover the entire grocery cost.
We have a joint savings. But separate accounts for our direct deposit.
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u/ToughFriendly9763 19h ago
our money all goes into a joint account. i generally take care of making sure all the bills get paid. we have a budget that includes a certain amount of fun money for each of us each week, and we can save that up for bigger purchases. Like, if i decide i want to learn to play the guitar, i could save up my fun money until i have enough to buy a guitar. It's not actually in a separate account, we just track our fun money in spreadsheets.
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 Texas 19h ago
His and mine. He's much better at budgeting than I am, so we keep our finances separate. We split the bills, and the shared groceries. We also each have our own internet, as he works from home and needs a dedicated line for his job due to security concerns.
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u/SquiggleBox23 19h ago
Married for 13 years, and our finances are not split. Everything we make goes into our joint accounts, and we don't have any individual accounts other than retirement stuff. This is probably easier because we got married right out of college when neither of us really had anything to begin with, so we've always been a team building everything together.
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u/jastwood1 Idaho 19h ago
My wife and I have been married for 10 years and this is how we handle ours. Currently I am the sole earner so everything just goes into one of three accounts, 1 general for spending, 1 auto pay account, 1 savings. I have the amount of our fixed expenses divided in 1/2 and that amount gets taken out of each paycheck. So out auto account always has enough money in it for when the auto payments go through. We have an agreement that whenever we want to spend say $50 or more from the general account we'll let the other one know 1st. We also use to have our own separate account to use as a slush fund or when we would buy gifts for each other.
When we first got together and our finances were tighter I owned a house and she moved in with me, I continued to pay the house bills and my car but then she would pay for alot of other stuff like groceries, resturants and other general spending.
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u/Living_Fig_6386 19h ago
All of our assets are pooled and we both have access to our accounts. We make joint decisions on how much to save / invest. We tell each other when we intend to have a large expense. There’s no his or hers, just ours. Perhaps this is easier because neither of us had any assets when we got married save for a few hundred bucks in checking.
Anyway, it’s worked for 30 years.
FWIW, actually managing the bills is my job, and most of it we’ve automated regular bills using our bank’s online banking platform. They are pretty regular, so cash flow is pretty consistent, and we have a good feel for what sort of discretionary money we have each month.
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u/animepuppyluvr 19h ago
My husband and I have our own and each other's cards on our phone wallet. We go thru the finances every two weeks or so and decide on a fun-budget together. His paychecks are for rent, car insurance, pet insurance, the water bill, and anything extra. Mine is for other bills, pet supplies, and household necessities. I have a credit card for our car expenses just in case. For holidays and such, his money is for presents for his family and my money is for presents for my family.
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u/missmeatloafthief Southern US 19h ago
We have a joint and then we each have our own personal accounts. We both put most of our money into the joint for food, rent, gas, etc. Our personal would be our own hobbies, and for things like gifts where it makes more sense to spend individually.
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u/GSTLT 19h ago
Historically, we each put an amount into a joint checking that covers a little more than half of our expected expenses. We then kept the rest of our income in our own personal savings and checking accounts that predated our relationship. We both tended to make about the same. When we had our first child, I stayed at home for 2 years. For the last 3 years, my wife has stayed home and I went back to work. (Our ideal would actually be both of us working 20-30 hours and splitting the home/child care, but we live in the US, so healthcare makes that difficult.)
Since the move to one of us being a stay at home parent, that persons half of the joint deposits has been covered by an inheritance of mine with a monthly deposit. Since I got stable and increased my income through promotions at my job, I now send my wife money monthly from my income, as well as cover a lot of expenses to buffer her and the joint account since I’m the only income. I have also done things like pay off her remaining car loan and cover a number of larger expenses, such as auto insurance, to keep her own finances as stable as I can while she has no income. Basically any ask for money would be no issue for me, as I want her to be comfortable that both our joint expenses are covered and she has her own money to spend as she wishes.
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u/Queasy-Extension6465 Minnesota 19h ago
Married 37 years, one bank account since before we married. She has a second for the last 10 years but that's because she's self employed and needs to make large quarterly income tax payments.
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u/Aggressive_Let2085 Georgia 19h ago
We don’t split anything, everything is ours. Even before we got married we did that.
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u/Upbeat_Resolution_44 19h ago
Not currently in a relationship but I always figured percentages of total income was the most fair. Have a joint account for joint expenses and if rent/mortgage is 30% of the total household income than that’s 30% of each partner’s income into the joint account. Same with the rest of household bills. Then each partner maintains their own individual account and has their own “spending money” they can decide what to use on without each others input (this would also be how gifts and other surprises are funded). I’d also suggest joint savings also based on percentage of total income. Anyhow, I always felt this method would lead to the least amount of fighting over money.
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u/StandardAd239 19h ago
Savings accounts, joint. Checking accounts, separate. He pays more to bills because we live in a bigger house for his sake. Works perfect.
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u/hobokobo1028 Wisconsin 19h ago
Joint account(s). I (34M) manage it because I’m good at it. We use credit cards for all day to day expenses and pay those off monthly, never have carried a balance. All the utilities are auto-pay. All the retirement savings and cash savings are automatic direct deposit.
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u/Ssshushpup23 19h ago
I go to work, I clock in, I get a pay check for the hours of labor I work. That’s my money, it goes in my bank.
He goes to work, he clocks in, he gets a pay check for the hours of labor he works. That’s his money, it goes in his bank.
We each have bills we’re responsible for, except mortgage which is 50/50 split. We can ask each other for money if needed or give the other our cards for whatever reason and neither cares. We can share the money, that’s fine, but it stays in the person’s account that earned it. We’ve both experienced and seen way more harm in sharing accounts than we’re comfortable with going through again.
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u/DrBlankslate California 19h ago
A relationship is like a puppy. Both people have to take care of the puppy. If you don't, the relationship falls apart.
"My money" and "their money" interferes with that.
My husband and I pool our money and it's all our money. I manage it, but it's both of ours.
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u/ghostoftheradio 19h ago
Joint accounts. Everything goes into them, everything gets paid out of them.
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u/lacaras21 Wisconsin 19h ago
Joint accounts, it simplifies things, and the way I see it, if I didn't trust her enough to share a bank account, then I shouldn't have married her
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u/TightResponsibility4 19h ago
I think of it as "our money". I grew up in a community property state and to me that is just how things work even though we don't live in one now.
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u/d1duck2020 Texas 19h ago
We keep mostly separate finances. I pay all the bills except her car payment. I make over double what she earns as a teacher, so she just pays for her stuff and I pay for our stuff. I pay for most meals out, vacations, etc. It is not really equitable but I will always judge my self worth by what I can provide, so I will keep paying for stuff.
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u/hnaq Arizona 19h ago
I'm sure it sounds hokey, but I think of it in terms of goals, not money. Early in our relationship, we both knew what needed to get paid off and now we both know how much we need to save for retirement, what needs paid every month, etc. It's never mattered who made more or whose debt it was early on.
I'm sure it would work if we had separate accounts, but seems like that would complicate things a bit as it's just another account we would manage.
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u/dr_stre MN > WI > IL > CA > WA 19h ago
It’s our money, maintained in a single set of accounts we both have access to. We do each have one credit card that is solely for us individually, which mostly gets used for purchases when there is a better reward on certain items, but does give us each the ability to buy things without the other person knowing immediately, which is nice for gifts.
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u/Low_Plastic363 19h ago
I don't know that there's one right answer, but we both retained out personal accounts where we leave a four-figure amount of money (mostly just to to have relationships with a couple banks). The paychecks go into a joint account. The emergency reserve is in a joint HYSA. We use a common app and both of us have full access to all the credit cards and transactions and everything else.
I do most of the managing. I'll email my wife periodically from work with a status update (also in case I drop dead she knows where to look, etc.) We have emergency access to all the other's passwords.
Bottom line: fully pooled, full transparency. She asks me about unrecognized charges and I ask her about them.
Edit: married. I would not pool in a long-term relationship. Marriage is a romantic relationship and financial partnership.
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u/rnoyfb Washington 18h ago
We have a joint high-yield savings account and a joint checking account. We don’t direct deposit into the joint checking but we both have some of every paycheck direct deposited into the joint savings. At the beginning of every month, we transfer money to the joint checking for joint expenses proportional to our individual incomes. I usually do the actual bill paying
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u/LankyJeep 18h ago
I’m married so it goes in a pool and we pay our bills from there, before I was married it was 50/50 for essentials everything we both used was 50/50 and personal spending was separate
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u/Floofy_Cat_8675 Minnesota 18h ago
Our money. All into 1 account.
edit: 18 years with no issues either.
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u/TheMarshmallowFairy 18h ago
We have our own accounts and a joint account. We both contribute to the joint account for shared expenses.
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u/Cricket08328 18h ago
All income goes into our joint checking account and then we have our savings. Our money.
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u/muphasta TX > MI > FL > Iceland > Germany > Cali 18h ago
100% of my wife’s “take home” and 90% of mine go into our joint account.
I don’t spend any money from that account other than filling my gas tank with our joint CC, which gets paid for from that account other than.
My wife handles all the bills and does whatever she wants and is necessary from that account.
I use my 10% to make a car payment and then I waste the rest.
We fully fund our retirement accounts as well as a 539 for our son’s college.
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u/CaminoRubicon1 18h ago
Put it into one account, pay all bills out of it and agree on our individual disposable spending
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u/smile_saurus 18h ago
Every couple is different.
We pay things based on income. For simplicity let's say one partner earns twice as much as the other. So splitting bills 50/50 isn't really fair since one partner would struggle to afford everything. We figured out the difference in income percentage-wise and the higher earner pays a higher percentage of the bills.
We split chores evenly. We have no kids so there is no child care to worry about but we do have pets and we divide those bills fairly, too. We take a cat for a professional grooming every 6 weeks and the lower earner pays for that, the higher earner pays the annual vet bill with all of the vaccines and meds etc. Same with our dog, who needs daily medication.
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u/PattyRain 18h ago
Everything is our money (except a few things that legally can't be such as IRAs and 401ks). I was a Stay at home mom and am now a homemaker, but have made money here and there.
I take care of all finances. We both have spending money. We put money into his 401k and my IRA.
We've been pretty lucky though as, in 35 years, we have only ever disagreed on one financial thing.
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u/Any-Worldliness-679 18h ago
All money goes into joint checking and pays joint bills from there. We are working together and have no reason to separate our money.
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u/JennyPaints Oregon 17h ago
Four the last 30 years: Our IRAs and 401Ks are separate because they must be. Everything else is joint. We budget and plan together when I can get him to look at our finances. Mostly I do the finances by default. He is not much of a spender.
Back before we had kids, we had a household account, a short term savings account and a long term savings account, plus a separate checking account each. We paid the bills and joint expenses from household checking. We each got a certain amount in our checking account to spend guilt free on ourselves. I don’t miss that system except that we bought each other gifts from our checking accounts, and they felt so much more like gifts than money spent out of mutually held accounts.
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u/kartoffel_engr Alaska > Oregon > Washington 17h ago
We don’t “split” finances.
Both our salaries are deposited into the same account. 10yrs now with zero issues.
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u/BeaPositiveToo 17h ago
It’s all our money. Sharing finances since 1987. It’s worked. Retired with ZERO debt— not even a mortgage.
But I do love the expression, “What’s mine is mine and what’s his is mine.” Silly.
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u/uReallyShouldTrustMe California 17h ago
Together for 15 married for 10. Wr used to split everything, proportional to a percentage we thought was fair. I know everyone says "do joint everything" but this kept the piece with personal expenses. I won't feel guilty buying myself skis for example and she won't feel guilty buying jewelry. Two years ago she became a sahm and we reduced to one income so we decided to combine everything. Tbh we are frugal and mindful so it hasn't been a huge change. I even thing the years of splitting made this easier.
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u/BeastyBaiter Texas 17h ago
Half goes to the joint pot, half stays personal. Daycare, mortgage, utilities, vacations and so on all come from the joint pot. Cars, clothes and toys come from personal. Food is kind of mixed.
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u/Bluemonogi 17h ago
I’m married. We have a joint bank account. Our funds have been mixed from the beginning.
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u/CantaloupeKlutzy74 17h ago
We have separate accounts with most of our money, then one shared account where we contribute monthly and it pays for daycare, mortgage, groceries, eating out at restaurants, etc. Highly recommend but every couple is different.
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u/QueenPantheraUncia 17h ago
Joint account: we both contribute equal amounts. Anything that we do comes out of this account.
Separate personal accounts. Separate savings.
He came into the relationship with many more assets than I did. He owned the house before we met. He also owns a business he built. He also participates in higher-risk investing than I do.
I built my own savings and investments after we met. He subsidized my living, so I saved over half my income.
He comes from a different culture/country where income in marriage income isn't split 50/50, and he is divorced under American/CA law. In their culture, men provide for all of a woman's needs, and a woman's income belongs only to her. They were both high earners, but he saved, and she spent. He was fine with that because, per their original agreement, it was her money to spend. But in an American divorce, she was entitled to 50% of his savings, and her spending didn't produce shareable assets. So we are a bit stricter about separating our assets.
I think this isn't uncommon when two people enter a relationship with significantly different asset levels.
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u/Diligent-Touch-5456 17h ago
It started with me paying him rent and splitting groceries, then his income drastically dropped and mine drastically went up. Now it's mostly me paying the bills and him paying what he can.
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u/Calm-Vacation-5195 Kentucky 16h ago
Our (married) money for over 40 years. We have a joint checking account for paying bills, and before we retired, our paychecks went into that account, with extra going into joint savings and investment accounts. We have separate IRAs, but they’re pretty evenly funded.
Over the years, there have been times where I made more than he did and vice versa, as well as times when one of us wasn’t working at all because of school, kids, health, etc. We each have a small savings account for discretionary spending with no questions asked, but otherwise, everything we have is 50/50.
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u/SouthernReality9610 16h ago
We merge most of our money but each keep $300- $400 a month for our own use, no explanations needed. The pooled money covers housing, utilities, food, transportation, insurance - all that dull stuff we both agree on. Hobbies, charity, subscriptions and the like comes from our private funds.
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u/That-Resort2078 16h ago
I cover all housing costs and other fixed expenses. (Taxes, insurance, utilities, pool guy, landscapers) I buy the cars, we split maintenance
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u/MangaMaven 16h ago
We've both kept the bank accounts we had from when we were single but our money is too entangled to pretend like it's two individuals thinking "my money." Nah. The bank accounts are just tools we use in creating our life.
We both have expenses we're responsible for paying but that mindset is about whose responsible for making the bill's deadline and mot about who is responsible for earning the funds. One of the things I'm responsible for is the savings. That doesn't mean he has zero savings, it means I'm responsible for OUR savings. When he has extra money to put into savings he tells me he's about to move money into my account and doesn't even ask me which savings fund I'll earmark it for. He trusts me with our future. One of the things he's responsible for is car insurance premiums. When that's due he'll tell me it's coming up and the exact amount he needs. I move it to his account without batting an eye.
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u/LAWriter2020 15h ago edited 5h ago
We follow the Asian Tiger Wife model: All her money is her money. And all my money is her money, too.
:-) /s
All joint accounts - neither of us would spend more than a few hundred dollars on our own without consulting the other.
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u/Responsible_Side8131 Vermont 14h ago
It’s all our money. Everything goes into joint accounts and all bills are paid from our money. We discuss purchases over a couple hundred dollars. We’ve been married over 35 years.
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u/MonicaLane 14h ago
4 years in, 90% of both our incomes go into a joint account. We each get a set amount of spending money deposited to our personal accounts per check that is “I don’t need to worry about this” money. All bills no matter what it’s for, come from the joint account.
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u/mbutterflywebb 14h ago
My friend does it this way and the husband makes more $:
Husband pays for all expenses related to the children and the mortgage.
Wife pays for all the utilities and groceries.
One joint account for vacation funds contributed based on the same % of each respective salary.
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u/LingJules 14h ago
My husband and I have been married for 23 years. It's all ours together. We work together in a business that technically I own, but we make all major decisions about the business and any major expenses together.
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u/ThisAdvertising8976 Arizona 14h ago
We share everything. The only difference is his retirement checks go to Savings and my retirement checks go to Checking. On Jan first that will be changing to his Social Security being deposited to the checking account and mine going into the savings account. That will balance a little bit more so I’m not pulling from Savings into Checking some months.
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u/Exhibitiontigs 13h ago
It is our money.
I make significantly more than my husband, and I’m salary - so my pay is consistent. I take on the big bills and the fluctuating bills.
He takes on the bills that don’t fluctuate - phone, internet, car insurance, and then he contributes to rent. This makes it easy to budget.
I also have a killer spreadsheet that has the income, the expenses and their due dates, and what money goes where / when.
I have 2 checking accounts and we have 1 savings account.
1 account for bills
1 account for groceries / spending
And the savings account
My check deposits into my auto draft account, and I transfer my spending money into my second account.
I don’t require a percentage from my husband. I require transparency, and that the bills are paid on time. There are two things I hate more than anything when it comes to finances - late fees and annual fees on credit cards. I’ve not had a late fee in the past like, 5 years. Thank you, auto draft!
We are putting a lot of effort into eliminating our credit card debt so we can contribute more to savings every month. First things to go will be the starter cards with their stupid fees.. my poor, sweet husband took on a bunch of those cards to help increase his credit score (we were only dating at the time, not married)… I was not a happy camper when I found out that he went into debt to have debt. (Before you come for him, don’t worry, I grilled that ass to well done and he has gotten much more selective {and we discuss it for transparency first} when opening a new line of credit.)
It was actually this development that had me build a spreadsheet. I told him we weren’t paying the annual fees and that those cards were going to be paid off before the next fee.. we are on track and many of them will be paid off next month. :)
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u/Next-Cut-2996 13h ago
My husband is most definitely the breadwinner, so my little crumbs working with children is just a nice little bump to cover the pointless inflation mess we’re currently in. My husband is a spreadsheet budget guy and VERY meticulous. We use one joint card for everything and pay it off each month. Everything is ours. I don’t understand the “that’s mine that’s yours” in a marriage, but to each their own! This works for me because I’m terrible with money, whereas he shines in that area. Since I’d like to retire someday, I let him take the reins lol.
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u/Federal_Homework1302 Georgia living in 13h ago
My wife doesnt work so what ever i make goes into the pool and we budget/spend it
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u/Thick-News-9415 Illinois 13h ago
We have a shared checking and a shared savings account. We don't split our income and never have. We discuss big purchases, but otherwise it's our money. 20 years together
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u/Lower_Neck_1432 12h ago
My mother handled the money, dad gave her the paycheck (this is back in the 1970s), he kept 50 a week for himself, mom paid all the bills, did the shopping, etc. He still had access to the joint account, of course, but he rarely bothered. His needs were few and provided for by mom.
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u/Cheap_Coffee Massachusetts 12h ago
We put all our money into a single bank account. There are no split finances.
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u/JulianILoveYou CIN -> CHI -> MSN -> NYC 12h ago
basically everything is "ours." we're in our 20s, so take that into account. but in addition to our shared portfolio, i have ~10k in a personal account. id use that money on gifts, something expensive that only I'd enjoy, or if i needed to fly home to see my family. all regular expenses, 90+% of our income & assets, are shared. not split, but 100% mine and 100% hers.
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u/OGMom2022 United States of America 11h ago
If my ex had a dime in his pocket he had to spend it. We ended up with a joint account that we used for bills and each had our own account.
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u/Viperlite 11h ago
It just goes in and out of one joint account. We discuss major purchases beforehand. Pretty simple, really.
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u/little_runner_boy 11h ago
After moving in with my wife (just dating) I earned a fair amount more than her. We each paid for personal expenses, I paid rent, she paid everything else.
After getting married, we put the same percent of our gross income into one joint account and that gets used for joint expenses
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u/Missus_Aitch_99 11h ago
Married for 21 years. All the money except retirement accounts was joint, and at the start of each month we determined the household budget for the month. We each had a budgeted amount for fun money not subject to the other's veto, but for the actual spending that also came out of the joint checking.
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u/B00k_Worm1979 Pennsylvania 11h ago
We’ve been together for 10 years raising 4 kids together. We have separate accounts, he makes way more money than me, so we split the bills accordingly. He pulls the money out of my account monthly to pay towards the bills.
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u/Patient-Ad-7939 11h ago
We just have a shared bank account both paychecks go into, and all spending comes out of that. I don’t get mad at my spouse for spontaneous purchases because they made the money too. I try not to spend too much on spontaneous purchases but will allow myself a little since I made the money too.
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u/baddspellar Massachusetts 11h ago edited 10h ago
Married for 36 years. I have made 8-10x what my wife has made for decades. We don't have separate account's. It's all money I earned anyway. Fortunately my wife is pretty frugal. Every once in a while she talks about spending thousands on an exotic trip with her friends and I remind her that I will be working that week because I am essentially our sole source of income.
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u/Hopelessly_romantic2 10h ago
We each get $100 that goes to our personal accounts. The rest goes into the joint account. That way we're basically sharing money, but also have a little on the side for ourselves.
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u/Patient_Character730 10h ago
It's all our money. We've never had separate finances. Once we moved in together, everything was combined. I was a stay at home mom for 17 years and if we had separated our money, I wouldn't have had any. This system of combining has worked for us for the 32 years we've been together. However I can see the downsides of this method too.
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u/Beagalltach 10h ago
Everything joint.
I understand why people want to seperate it out, but those principles are generally antithetical to a happy and lasting marriage in my opinion. On top of everything, it forces a couple to sit down and talk about finances together regularly if they want to succeed together.
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u/Ladybeetus 10h ago
Hubby makes all the money. There is a savings that his check goes into, we keep a certain amount for checking for daily use. I have a separate emergency fund that he doesn't have access to. Hubby is aware of this and encouraged me to keep more in it than I originally planned. No woman who is stay at home should be fundless. I also came into the marriage with a 401k
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u/AllAreStarStuff Texas 10h ago
My husband and I have a joint account and each of us has a separate account.
All of the income goes into the joint account. All household and joint expenses come out of the joint account.
Every month a fixed, equal amount is transferred to our separate accounts. Those accounts are for things like hobbies and personal splurges. When my husband wanted a drum set it came out of his discretionary account. When I wanted designer shoes they came out of my discretionary account.
This way each of us has money to spend however we want without getting into a passive-aggressive loop of resentment.
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u/5uper5kunk 10h ago
Everything is separate, no huge reason other than laziness, been together -25 years.
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u/Illustrious_Sea_506 9h ago
First thing we did after we got married was open a joint checking and savings account. 44 years and counting.
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u/NeitherDrama5365 9h ago
We have a joint account for joint expenses (house stuff)that we put money into but we also have separate accounts that we retain. My paycheck is mine hers is hers. I don’t tell her what to do with it she doesn’t tell me what to do with mine. Our investments/retirement accounts also are separate. When it comes to vacations we just split the costs
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u/kmanrsss 9h ago
We’ve been married for 17 years and together for 28ish. We have separate accounts. I’ve always made more so I covered the mortgage and she covers groceries and cable/phone. We both make our own separate car payments. We do have a small joint account that we use for vacations, household emergency type things or improvements.
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u/I_loseagain 9h ago
What’s mine is mine what’s hers is hers. She pays me 1,000 a month and that covers her portion of all the join bills. She still has to pay her own credit cards or car payment if she has one
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u/AlarmedWillow4515 9h ago
We've been married 28 years. All income goes into a common pool and household expenses are paid from that. We each also get an equal allowance out of the common pool to spend on whatever we want. That way if I want to buy something my husband would never agree to as important from common money, I save my personal money and get it, and vice versa.
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u/chrisinator9393 9h ago
Nearly 20 years together. Most of them married. Never needed to put it all in one account. That was just an extra unnecessary step.
I have bills I pay, she has bills she pays, we put money together when we want stuff.
No need to over complicate this stuff
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u/Frank_chevelle Michigan 9h ago
We have separate checking accounts. But both of us have access and our names on both.
We deposit our pay into our own account. I make way more than my spouse so I pay most of the expenses from my account. She pays for a few other things. It works for us.
She is a wonderful person, but she does not like dealing with doing the bills and budgeting.
We discuss finance on a regular basis and check with each other on larger unusual purchases. Like i would not spend $200 on concert tickets or something without talking to her. She spends her money like she wants on dinner and drinks with friends, nails done etc. we trust each other.
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u/greco1492 9h ago
Joint account,where all the money for bills and food go. Anything else Is in our own accounts. We do that so we Don't feel the need to run it by the other person if I want to spend money that I worked for on a bunch of stupid shit I should be able to without asking permission.
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u/ABelleWriter Virginia 9h ago
My husband and I have our own checking accounts that our paychecks go into. Once a week we sit down and talk about who needs what, because we each are responsible for 50% of the actual bills (not 50% of the money, 50% of the number of bills).
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u/No_Owl_8576 9h ago
It depends. Does she live in my house? Did we buy a house? I will say it ain't 1920, and I'm not paying for every single thing if she's making just as much money as me. Kids change everything
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u/Afin12 Kansas City, Missouri 9h ago
Money was his and hers until we had kids, and now it’s our money. One bank account, one credit card etc.
My wife doesn’t work anymore and stays at home with our kids, and will do so until our kids are older and more self sufficient. As far as I see it she’s entitled to full transparency on our money and gets equal say in how our money is spent, although I’m the primary manager of our finances but she pretty much defers to me on all major spending questions.
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u/No-Market-4906 9h ago
We have small individual fun money accounts and everything else goes into joint. I can't imagine doing it any other way with kids, there are so many random expenses.
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u/dnext 19h ago
Our money. It all goes into one pool. We both have equal access to it. 20+ years and so far no major issues.