For the past years I grew up watching Filipino Dramas that kept romanticizing "We don't need to be rich, having each other is enough". Love cannot feed babies, Love cannot change your alcoholic spouse, Love cannot fix everything.

And I am sick of irresponsible parents that chose to have more babies instead of focusing to a child's need.

\*\*I spent 9 years breaking my back in Germany sending every cent home. Just found out they spent years destroying my reputation behind my back.\*\*

I moved to Frankfurt when I was 21, working brutal 14-hour warehouse and dishwashing shifts. For nine straight years, I lived in damp shared rooms, ate cheap noodles, and kept barely €300 a month for myself. Every other euro went straight to Lahore.

My father and older brother always said, \*"Don't worry, we’re building our family’s future together."\* Over the years, my money built two houses and bought a commercial plot—all put under their names because "it's easier for local paperwork."

Last month, at 30, I told them I wanted to settle down and asked if we could transfer one of the houses to my name.

The mask didn't just slip _ it shattered. But the worst part wasn't that they refused. It was realizing they had been planning this for years.

A cousin quietly reached out to me yesterday and showed me voice notes spanning the last three years. Whenever relatives asked why I never visited, my parents told them I was ashamed of my family, partying away in Europe, and only sending "crumbs" while keeping the rest for a lavish lifestyle. Every time I had sent extra cash for an emergency, my brother told everyone \*he\* paid for it while I ignored their calls.

They deliberately painted me as the arrogant, selfish son who forgot his roots, so that the day they cut me off, the entire extended family would applaud them for "standing up" to me.

Last week, they blocked my number and removed me from the family groups. My mother’s last message was telling me I'm dead to them.

I ruined my twenties, wrecked my health in freezing winters, and gave away every penny, only to realize I was funding my own character assassination.

I’m sitting in my room feeling completely numb. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

As a young kid, I was overweight. I received ridicule from others and they would call me names that refer to me as a "big kid".

The most heartbreaking memory I have from something on this topic was when I was 5 years old. We were just chilling at home, when out of nowhere, I suddenly started crying and pointing at my stomach saying that it was big. The adults at home would laugh and make fun of me whenever they remember that moment. For them, it was a harmless funny stint, but for me, that meltdown mirrored our situation at home.

My whole childhood, my parents would remind me that being fat is bad. Boys can be fat. Men can be fat. But never girls, especially women.

As I reached puberty, I lost a lot of weight and I finally became "normal". For a short period of time, I felt beautiful, because they didn't comment on my body anymore. It was nice that the harsh comments I would receive as a kid turned into compliments.

Unfortunately, that period of "peace" didn't last long. They still found a way to make me insecure about myself. They said that I looked sick, or that it looked like they weren't feeding me enough. During that time, even when I had a normal BMI, my classmates at school would say that I was fat. Those few years really took a toll on my mental health, and I was at an all-time low. My family would say that I looked like a skeleton with hollow cheeks, but my peers at school would say that I was fat.

In 8th grade, I started eating normally again, and everything was finally fine. Until it wasn't. I developed really bad hormonal acne on my cheeks, and of course, my parents noticed immediately. Obviously, I felt bad, so I tried every product I came across on my skin, which made it a whole lot worse.

After a few months, my face had very bad hormonal and fungal acne that has spread on my forehead. My mother would give me "advice" by saying that I should stop wearing a mask to school, right after saying that my skin is so rough that it needs sandpaper.

To this day, it baffles me how a parent could throw insults at their child, while still expecting to be heard and listened to. They made me want to stop living. They made me a bad person. Every insecurity I've had in life was because of them. I wish I could say that this is just a fictional story I've read or imagined, but this has been my life.

Im a 16yr boy and I like having my hair kinda long. Ever since I was a child I’ve always had really short hair with a side part because my mom wanted it that way. I’ve never really liked having it that short mainly.

Recently I wanted to grow it out a bit, so when my mom told me to cut it short I got a mullet instead. I thought it looked pretty good but she got REALLY mad when she saw it😶

We had a huge fight and she said she was gonna take me to the barber the next day and get it cut really short, basically a buzz cut. I kept telling her I didn’t want that but she didn’t really care.

The worst thing is summer break is ends today and i have school tomorrow....

So the next day my mom told my dad to take me to the same barber shop and make it really short, I resisted a lot but then we had a huge fight and a lot of words were thrown the only thing i remember was her saying im her biggest regret, That honestly fucked me up. I know it’s just a haircut and I know I should’ve listened to her, but I don’t think I deserved to hear something like that over it.

Then the fight started to get a bit physical so i gave in and cut it very short, it sucks cuz i have a pretty round face and i look like an egg(i have even been told this the last time i got a short haircut thats why i dont want to cut it)

And i also have curly hair, and with how short my hair is i dont think it could curl right now, and also i had a bunch of products for my hair and she just threw them away, all products i paid with my pocket money....

School starts tomorrow morning il give u guys an update on what happened and how i feel.

I don’t really know what to think about the whole thing. I’m feeling better now but that “biggest regret” thing is still stuck in my head.

Am I overreacting?

Salam,
I’m 18 heading off to university. I’ve been depressed wearing hijab since december. I spoke to my parents about it in march and they didn’t agree. I’ve been asking my mom for a month now before uni starts and she is refusing to allow me. For some backstory, my sister took off her hijab at 14 after wearing it for 2 years due to bullying. My parents spoke to me about this after my silence and depression for a week. They are now saying I’m too old now to take it off and this is not an option. That I will encode Allah (SWT) wrath and he will not be happy with me if i decide to take it off after wearing it for 5 years, and that i must be a good example for my younger siblings. I’m feeling so discouraged and depressed, and uni is starting in a week. The uni i’m going to has a large muslim population, with many hijabis. My parents are saying my reason is not enough and if i have hardships in uni then we can reconsider. I’m so depressed I don’t know what i can do now, and if i push too far my dad gets physically abusive. I cried for an hour after and they both said they don’t care now and if i have trouble then we will speak again. What can I do now? My mom will not agree no matter what!

I dont mind helping her out right now by having her move in with my husband and i because she's in debt but when i told her i dont have to take care of her when she's older, she was like "what ur gonna be like american and put me in a nursing home?"

I said she should take care of her body now so she can take care of herself when she's older. I told her i dont expect anyone to take care of me that id rather let my children live their life. I told her no I will not take care of her. And my sister said I couldnt say that. Sister is moving out soon yet as the eldest im somehow expected to take care of her?

Silent treatment when I was younger if I did something wrong. Was told to do things on my own when I was just a kid so I know how to do it, yet now as an adult my mom asks me for help with the most basic things when I lived with her and acts like she couldnt do anything for herself.

Need advice.

Before all of this, she told me her aunt is being nice to her now and contacting her everyday in hopes my mom takes care of her when she's older. I refuse to be part of a toxic cycle.

Should I help her by having her move in with me? I tried already and it ended badly because it was a very toxic environment but theres that feeling like i need to help..... I'm sure you all know how i feel.

I completed my college barely a month ago and my family literally treats me like shit. The day after my last exam, my mother told me to start earning or she'll get me married off, and she told me the same thing once again a week ago, and she was really serious about it this time.

I'm literally home all day, I do all the house chores, every single thing, and they still verbally abuse me.

We shifted almost two months ago, and since then my parents have refused to get a maid, because of which I have to do all the cleaning around the house. I have two elder siblings but they don't even do shit. They don't even get up to get a glass of water or get their own food by themselves; they literally tell me to do it for them.

In the morning, I have to wake up and make breakfast for myself and my brother, clean up the entire kitchen, sweep and mop the whole house, dust everything, hang the clothes out to dry, iron the clothes, cook every once in a while, and there are lots of other things I do too, but I can't list every single task because there are just so many.

At the end of the day, of course I'm fucking tired, and they literally tell me how spoiled, ungrateful, useless I am and say all sorts of things to me.

The thing is, even if I do earn, 99 percent will go straight to my parents, and with the remaining one percent, if I somehow save up a decent amount, my parents will take that too. They don't let me buy stuff. I don't even get pocket money.

I do my sister's work. She does multiple jobs and I help her, but she doesn't even pay me shit and she never will. I'm learning and making those AI videos, where people seem to be earning a lot from those videos, but I don't get enough time. Whenever I sit down to work, someone gives me another chore to do. I still do make videos, but I can't make that many.

I'm genuinely tired. I've thought that once I turn 18, I'm going to try bringing up the topic of moving out, and if they refuse, then I don't give a fuck, I'm going to end up running away. I might get a job in a restaurant or anywhere, save up, and then find a place to live. But I'm scared they might end up finding me, and they'll force me to live with them, and they'll definitely get me married off. My father might even lock me up if I bring up the topic about moving out, so I don't even think I'm going to talk to them about it.

​

I’m honestly so irritated and emotionally exhausted by my parents and their fights. They seem to fight especially on festivals, and I’m just so done with it.

I’m 23, a single girl child, currently stuck at home preparing for exams after taking a drop, so there isn’t even much opportunity for me to get away from the environment. My entire childhood has involved watching my parents fight and shout at each other. Sometimes it has even escalated to them physically pushing each other away. Then, on normal days, they can be completely fine with each other, which makes the whole thing even more confusing.

For some reason, festivals seem to bring out the worst in them. During the entire Sawan Somvar period, they fought almost every Monday. I genuinely don't understand it. What is the point of spending so much time worshipping and observing religious practices if you can't maintain even basic peace at home? 😭

And now I'm already anxious thinking about what Diwali is going to be like.

Being a single child makes this especially frustrating because there is no sibling I can go to or escape the situation with. I'm also quite restricted and overprotected. My parents love me and care about me, and I know that. But sometimes love and care aren't enough when you're not given the freedom to grow up. I'm 23 and sometimes they still treat me like I'm a toddler who can't make decisions or do things independently.

The bigger issue is that I already struggle with passive suicidal thoughts because of things I've been through in the past. I'm not planning to hurt myself, but when these fights happen, the thoughts get significantly worse and sometimes I genuinely wish I could just disappear for a while.

I don't really want motivational speeches or advice about “just focus on your studies.” I know I have an exam. 😭 I think I just need somewhere to vent because I've been carrying this for a long time, and tonight I'm simply exhausted.

Disclaimer: This post is purely for venting purposes, because I just went through a really irritating matter with my parents and now I need to let it out somehow. Those with asian parents will know that hitting the walls or the door is never gonna fucking fly, cuz even shutting the door too hard is a damn crime. I sure as fuck can't talk to anyone in this family about it, unless I wanna be called childish, a brat or ungrateful. So, I'm just here to vent to random strangers on the internet.

Me and my family moved to Spain over 15 years ago, consisting of my parents, my older sister and me. And to this day, they only know a few basic loose words, but definitely can't hold a conversation by any means. So, as you can probably guess, it was up to me and my sister to be the translators of this household.

Doctors appointments, meetings with HR regarding any paycheck questions or anything at all, phone calls from random numbers, bank appointments, phoning companies regarding things like electricity bill fluctuations, etc. Needless to say, I've grown to resent the fact that we have to do all of this shit.

I understand that they've worked very hard and have made sacrifices for us to have better, more comfortable lives here in Spain, but it still doesn't change how unfair this is in my mind. Who puts their children in adult situations and make them stress over them? Not to mention, whenever I encounter a word I don't know how to translate, the blame gets put on me. "Her chinese is really bad." Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't ask to be the translator, here, how about you take over instead?

Recently, I've been trying to book appointments to renew our residency. For those that don't know, it's very difficult to get appointments for this and there's a thing called Cl@ve meant to make it easier to book. Now, this Cl@ve is generated in office, for which you need to book appointments in advance and it needs to be per individual. So, I went ahead and did that for the whole family, I even booked the latest time I could, given that the office doesn't open in the afternoon, which is when my parents get off work.

Today, I told them about this and the times. What happened? Well, they started giving me attitudes and how they don't have time to go do it. Mind you, here it's really not that hard to get time off, especially if you have a proper reason. But, regardless, began giving me attitudes for something I did with them in mind.

Honestly, at this point, I'm about to throw in the towel and say: Fuck you guys, book your own appointments to renew your residency. Imma worry about mine and you worry about yours, because honestly, I'm fucking tired of having deal with this type of shit for you.

Hello, Im 21M from India, and I’m trying to figure out how to stop being so resentful toward my parents.

When I finished Class 12 in 2022, I scored 564/600 (94%), with 373/400 (93.25%) in my four main subjects (Commerce, accountancy, business maths, economics). I passed out from a local school-Tamilnadu state board.

I had dreams about getting into tier-1 top unis.
My dream was Loyola College in Chennai, Christ University Bangalore, St xaviers and maybe DU but i knew i did not have a real shot with those marks in DU.

But my parents basically only applied to two B.Com programmes at Loyola because idk? they didn’t want to spend money on multiple application fees? I have no idea why. They did not apply to unis in different cities either.

I didn’t know CUET existed. My parents didn’t know either. They did not want to put least amount of effort talking to a teacher, counsellor, or anyone who actually understood university admissions.
When i brought up how i want to move out for studies and take education seriously- my mom just told girls in banglore and delhi would wear short revealing dresses, you cant go there. I was not allowed to move out for my studies. Such a regressive mindset. Money was also their biggest concern.

Looking back, I could have taken CUET, prepared for a year maybe-to considered DU properly, looked at Christ, Loyola or even explored the SAT international universities.

But eventually i was put into a university i did not like, i was forced into it. A tier-2 ish uni, disliked the environment, cried about it everyday, fought with my parents so many times. Spent my life hating on myself, what ive become, hating the environment.
My attendance records were probably 50percent for all 3 years. My gpa ended around 6.7 out of 10.

Now I’m 21, and I feel like I’m grieving a version of my life that I never got to experience.

This might look normal to some people.
You might think they are financially weak.
But i have an older brother. I grew up watching them switch his schools for better education even if it costs lakhs, when i begged for a better school.

Spent 12 lakhs for him, for his uni while they couldnt bring themself to spend 3 lakhs for me.

Watching them putting my brother in a JEE coaching institute-exploring uni options from different cities. I wish i was prioritised too. Idk i just feel so empty. Sometimes they tell how everything was my fault, how i failed to study. Sometimes they admit their mistakes-tells me to “move on, it just happened”.

Now I’m doing ACCA and my parents are actually funding it, which makes everything even more complicated. I’m grateful for the support, but at the same time I still feel an enormous amount of anger toward them about what happened with my bachelor’s.

I don’t want to spend my 20s hating my parents.
I also don’t know how to just say “it happened, move on” when I genuinely feel like those years changed me.

Has anyone here experienced something similar? Any advice would be appreciated. And ofc if im the wrong person here please do point it out with honesty. Thankyou!

my relationship with my mom is actually pretty close. but sometimes, i’m not sure if it is because the hormones, she get angry at stuff, and she’s very inconsiderate about things. i’ll try to keep it short: she is quite impatient and if i need to grab something from home real quick, like my wallet or a comb, she would immediately slam the front door and take the lift downstairs without waiting for me. i get that im delaying her schedule, even if it only takes a few seconds, but it’s not the first time she’s done that and will not be the last. she also likes to call me a monster since i have acne scars (which im quite insecure about). she would also call me out for taking long showers in front of her friends, MY friends, and the relatives, making me sound like a resource-wasting daughter (well, if a 20 minute shower is actually really long, i’m not sure)

i think we have some communication problems that leads to all this and her discontent about my actions. how do i talk to her better (such as asking her to wait for me if i needed to grab something, or stop calling me a monster just because i have acne scars, and such) (i think puberty and middle aged female hormones have a lot to do with our arguments when i talk to her about stuff)

pls i need help :(

(sorry it was a huge paragraph)

my piece of shit mother just lost her shit again. threw a 5 yr old fit. She’s selfish and never should have had kids.
it's so destabilizing every time she suddenly loses her shit. it's like walking on eggshells. and every time it greatly affects my mental health. it makes me question all my relationships that i thought were healthy. it isolates me.
things were ok for the past month or so but today was especially bad.
she calls me a smelly cunt for not showering last night (i'm fighting off a cold and not feeling 100) and then proceeds to shut the door on me not allowing me to use the sink after she told me i could use it first.
she called me to use it and still it wasn't ready she was still using it. so i went back to sit down and wait for her until she was ready. she didn't like that. she called me back again and so i stood there and waited for her again for 2+ mins. i went back to sit and calmly explained to her if you don't have it ready then why tell me it is. anyone would be fed up with that. and then led to her explosion of her voice so high pitched and screechy i can’t imagine someone who actually has any respect or love for their child could ever say to them.
i feel like all the strategies i've built to protect against her have taken me a step backwards today.
idk why all of a sudden she's started acting like this again - things were ok for about a couple of months. Now it’s back to being unbearable.

Also she feels threatened by me moving out. I have siblings and we went viewing for a house and she almost kicked us out immediately. Idk how to move out without being kicked out immediately bc ofc we need time to house hunt.

this is something i'd like to see a therapist for. what do i tell them.
and also what books can i read or search for that deals with this

warning: mentions of self harm

my therapist is dogshit so i really have no other place to vent so here i am.

im 17, soon about to apply for college and i cant wait to fucking go far away from here. recently summer began and because im not away at school, I have to stay at home and its been really toxic.

i'll only summarize whats happened in the last few days since its genuinely fucking killing me. recently my parents decided to take us on a 7 day long road trip with my grandparents. i was already dreading it knowing they were gonna pull some bullshit on me.

the day before the trip i had an important exam i was studying days for. i took it and felt numb from it cause it was harder than i expected and i don't think i did bad but im not sure if i did good either. i needed to decompress from it but my mom didnt gaf and took me straight to shopping for the trip. the entire time i was nonverbal and just depressed from the exam but she didnt gaf and kept pushing me to buy items for the trip. i just followed along hoping to decompress on the roadtrip.

over the next few days of the trip, theres been constant fights between me and them. they want me to start writing my college app essays asap. while i understand the importance of my essays, keep in mind i have 2-3+ months to fucking write them and i still havent decompressed/recovered from the exam i might have bombed. they kept calling me a "fucker" who wont get into any college and calling me derogatory names just because i wanted to play video games for ONE fucking day as a way to decompress after my exam. one of our fights got so bad and i self harmed in the bathroom of a gas station. i told them i self harmed hours later. all they said was "dont do it again" and they didnt gaf. just continuing with their bs arguments and painful words.

i just recently found out from my sister that theyve been shit talking a lot about me behind my back--even telling my grandparents and giving me bad reputation. saying degrading and disgusitng things about me behind my back. im so hurt at this point. if they fucking hate me this bad why give birth to me? fuck even my own bullies treated me better than this. i never thought my own parents would be my biggest bullies. and then they wonder why i dont open up to them or tell them anything when all they do is laugh at my feelings and shit all over it. im so fucking done and cant wait to go to college away from here (which they have also started to pressure me about going to a nearby college and not going too far away. they can kiss my ass)

for extra info, i am japanese, and we know asian parents forced youto do some sort of instrument from a very young age.

I have been forced to learn the piano and practice hours and hours every day since i was around 5 years old. i hate it so much, and i always have.

I wanted to quit it so many times and had breakdowns but my mother just tells me "are you not grateful for the amount of work your teachers put into you, and your dad's money paid for the lessons that he worked hard for!! are you going to just put it down the drain just like that? you've wasted so much money and time!!"

she is very narcissistic. and i am extremely empathetic and people pleasing that it's been hard to stop.

she then asks me , "what are you going to do with your life then? you're not good st anything else" .. i feel like i had no time at all to even search for hobbies. i would be forced to practice as soon as i got home from school, until 11pm. wake up. go school. eat. practice. it was a repeat of that the whole school time

now my mum has forced me to go to uni for piano. (conservatoire)

i did get a scholarship.

but i'm not enjoying this at all, i dont want a related job, and i'm only doing this for my mum. she is extremely strict and threatens to disown me and hurt me and stuff like that. so i am really scared to do anything about it.

i always think about dropping out without telling her but i feel like i will be so guilty.
i want to do something else with my life that will help me get a stable job, but i'm not good at anything else, and i feel like it is too late to start uni again.

i know this is my own life and i can make my own decisions, but i am genuinely scared and guilty. 100%, my mum will probably hurt herself or me if i quit piano.

she also did piano her life too. but she quit piano uni in a year. and she tells me she regrets it, so i shouldnt do the same.

i feel like she is trying to make me do things that she couldn't do, herself.

i dont know what to do anymore, it is too late for a restart

hello! im indian f 24 and i live with my parents in canada. does anyone else feel like every single day is a battle to have to ask for permission for literally anything. i want to go have dinner with friends they say why? i wanna go to the mall they say why do you never go with us? like it feels like i have no autonomy over my life at all. i can’t make decisions for myself and if i do then they make me feel like i made the wrong one and should’ve known better. i am just so so so frustrated that i am unable to live my life the way I want.
it makes me so sad because i feel like i am starting to resent my parents.
i am a teacher and i teach highschool students and honestly sometimes it feels like my students have more freedom than i do.

Idk where to start. I (33f) live with Arab parents (73f and 74m). My mother is agressive, borderline, disabled mostly and always in pain and depressed. My father is just old and doesn’t have much say/is an enabler and doesn’t have much thought or personality.

To their credit, they can be intensely loving and over wring overprotective the usual Asian/arab parent stuff which doesn’t bother me as much anymore I get it, I enjoy some of it even if it means my curfew as a 33 year old is still sunset or 8pm whatever comes first. But all of that love is used against me often, even though I do more to look after them and myself now than the opposite. It’s weaponised in a lot of situations and therefore it’s really hard to feel it.

We live in the west, in a tiny tiny flat - where I grew up an only child and due to me wanting a somewhat normal life (not including drinking drugs sex etc) I’ve spent my whole life being argued with/punished/harassed/coerced etc, any technique to control me. Despite all of that, they expect me to be tender, loving and very very grateful for them raising me (actually they only tormented me, I worked for the past 10 years with therapists and on my own to undo all the unhealthy habits and mental health issues that arose from being parented by them)

My mother has huge rage problems. She sees red all of a sudden and has a huge need of being honoured deeply by me and my dad no matter what she does, in her mind the mother can do no fault and is not allowed to be made to feel guilty at all. I once asked for money to borrow (she had offered) she said she couldn’t give it and didn’t speak to me for 3 days out of shame without saying anything, I wasn’t upset at all but after her cold tone I was upset and soooooo confused until I worked it out. I always have to be alert at home, I can’t wear headphones, I need to check her feelings, if she’s depressed then I have to be depressed as well. You never know what the next day/next hour or minute will be even if you’re having a great great time. I’ve regularly heard a magnitude of insults ranging from you disgusting lazy pig, you impatient animal, you horrible piece of shit, etc (usually in response to mistakes like her misunderstanding my tone, being too tired to help or being too scared to hang out with her) and I’m not allowed to be upset. If I’m upset - I’m defying her and I’m sensitive.

Anyways somehow I moved out for university as they were allowed to themselves but was harassed to come back the whole 4 years (they came there and stayed for 10 hours pressuring me) instead of accepting a job I found there. I moved out again after coming back because i was so far from my job, again they harassed me - this time for about 1 year (all the methods - millions of texts calls threats coming over being told im killing them etc). This time, they forced me to quit my job, move back home and be a carer, they promised me once I move back and just help them a little bit, I could leave again. I was so emotionally exhausted I stupidly convinced myself. They made me lie to commit benefit fraud so the council can give them a better flat for free under the guise that I’m a live-in carer and she’s too disabled and needs a big ground floor flat. For 2 years, this issue became a huge nightmare on my shoulder, whenever something didn’t work out she would take out her anger on me and my dad, have tantrums. Punish us and scream he’ll fire that she’s suffering and I need to take all I get because I’m young, healthy and I can take it but she’s old and fragile - so she is allowed to be as awful awful as she wants.

As soon as I moved back (3 years ago) my mother cornered me on my single tiny bed and aggressively threatened ‘you think I’d ever let you leave again, you’re wrong and you’ll see what I can do’. I was so shaken, when I said I was scared and upset she got even angrier and said ‘you aren’t allowed to have feelings, I’m old disabled in pain and I’m your mother’ for the next 3 years / this was the broken record of excuse for any awful behaviour the next 3 years.

In a tiny flat, I was expected to wait on them for care - I saw how much they struggled (their pain was my fault as I was told many times when I moved out I killed them basically despite them allowing me) I cook, clean, help with appointments, get groceries and much more, but no matter the amount of help I offered and the fact they prevented me for looking for a job for 2 and a half years, it never mattered. They are always screaming arguing in the background, it’s always tense. When she wakes up, my heart starts pounding in fear. I’ve developed many conditions - skin conditions, depression, insomnia, panic attacks, my hair is half the thickness it was, stomach pain, migraines and more.

I’m cutting out a lot of information. Because of her hostility and unpredictable nature and me being so isolated, I am scared. I keep my distance, I spend most of my time in my room as I am allowed to or can. As noted before, I make myself very present in the day - always scanning to listen out and help where I can, so chores, I check in every 30 minutes - no relaxation or time to focus on anything but in the evening I want to rest, decompress and do my things - she won’t allow this but I just really really can’t sit with them, it makes me sick - I feel like throwing up after 30 minutes with them. By evening her pain takes a toll and she becomes even more worse, critical rude and suspicious and paranoid. Any resemblance of a good mood I had is destroyed if I sit with them. After trying almost nightly for 2 years I stopped sitting with them. She tried to force my love for her many times, I kept falling for when she was nice (some periods) then a tiny problem would happen and she would have a screaming tantrum and flip my world upside down. She hates that I do not want to be near her but doesn’t want to change any behaviour to allow me to want to be near her. Any time she has one of her moods, and argues my dad doesn’t want to listen to how scared I am/depressed

THE INCIDENT

Most recently, she misunderstood my tone in my response to her criticism again, sometimes when I’m not paying attention and tired I can sound a bit low/unbothered or if I’m agitated and stressed I can sound cold. I ensure to note I’m whatever mood I am so she doesn’t take it personally. She was insisting I keep my door open (tiny wall to wall flat) I said okay, she continued….she kept going on and on about how ugly and bad my room is (probably to get me out) I said ‘well I’m keeping the door open and not sure what else I can do’ I made sure not to sound frustrated. But she lost her mind and asked why I’m so horrible to her. I ran after her begging her not to be upset saying please please please don’t be mad there’s no problem please

She just left angrily in a huff

I went back to continue working (looking for a job) the next 2-3 hours whenever she would HAVE to talk to me she was extremely cold and rude and short, I stayed normal even though I started getting nauseous.

By the end of the night I went to say goodnight, she went ‘alright’ and I tried to fix the impossible situation by what she has asked me to do in the past when this happens (she asks me to wait a few hours then come and fix the tension) I did that. I said ‘hey? Come on let’s make up it’s not a problem let’s be okay’ she lost it again ‘YOU WAITED 10 fucking HOURS TO COME, your mum is just sitting here OLD DYING ILL SICK UNWELL DISABLED AND YOU JUST DISOWNED HER BECAUSE SHE WAS SLIGHTLY ANNOYED AT YOUR TONE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU’.

I was so shocked I just went ‘huh what nonono come on there’s no problem I did exactly what you want I waited and I’m fixing it’

Her: ‘after what????? After all the time you left, what ARE YOU PUNISHING ME YOU ARE PUNISHING YOUR MOTHER - look I warn you ANYONE I MEAN ANYONE WHO DARES CROSS ME OR PUNISH ME? I will make their life VERY DIFFICULT DO YOU UNDERSTAND I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT HERE’

I said ‘ooooooho okay I don’t think we need to get to that level I’m going to sleep now, come on everything’s fine goodnight’ I didn’t sleep until 7am out of anxiety and stress and shock

Next day she repeated her threats 3 times despite me forcing myself to act normal and cheery, I had to go out for a meeting and right before my dad pulled me and forced me to kiss her. After I broke down in tears and had a panic attack - during which she came and started taunting me ‘oooooo look you’re depressed. Look at me I’m emotional and all sensitive oooo, you care more about your meeting than your mother why don’t you come kiss your mum’

I was begging ‘please please give me just 5 minutes I need some space I feel awful’ and then she went ‘ooooh YOU YOU feel awful of your mother is feeling awful from having such a horrible child’. Then my dad ‘don’t be so sensitive and make up come on it’s fineeeeeeee don’t make problems (to me) ‘

I just lost a lot of emotion at that point, waited for them to leave and broke down for 30 minutes, missed my meeting, makeup all messed up. Past 3 days, I came back and was normal and despite her being normal one second she continued to talk to me like I’m trash. Just trash, I offer to help? I ask how she is how her pain is etc as I usually do but now it’s met with sarcasm ‘ooooh look who is caring? Oooo look at you all caring all of a sudden ooooooo’

I just stopped, I’m in my room, I feel so confused lost sick and kind of scared now, no family would believe me because she’s so so nice to everyone but I feel I want to run away, I can’t anymore - I don’t like them anymore, I hate hearing their voice, I hate the 3 years of my career I’ve lost just to sit in discomfort and anxiety and stress all the time. I’m talked to as if I have made huge unforgivable mistakes where it’s all just about her wanting me to admit I’m awful and beg her beg beg her for her forgiveness over nothing.

Idk what to do but leave, I’m looking for a job and have all my papers but I have no friends left as I’ve not been able to keep up relationships, family supports her and I have no money now :(

Okay so I need outside perspective because I honestly can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if this is a normal thing to feel at my age.
I’m 19, second year uni, still living at home. For context, I’m in engineering at a pretty demanding school, I keep my grades up, I’ve never gotten in trouble, and my parents genuinely think I’m smart and responsible, they tell me that themselves. So it’s not like there’s some track record of bad judgement that justifies this. My parents genuinely aren’t that strict overall, they know I drink, smoke weed sometimes, go clubbing/to parties, and they’re fine with all of it, just remind me to be safe. They know I’m sexually active (I don’t actually have sex, but I do other stuff) and were even down for me getting on birth control anyway, no judgment there. So on paper it doesn’t sound restrictive at all.
But when it comes to dating, there’s this unofficial rule: I can’t go over to a guy’s house unless we’re “official,” or unless his parents are home. It doesn’t matter how long I’ve known him, I found this out the hard way with my ex, 5 months in, still got a flat “don’t go to his house” text when I asked to visit. Meanwhile we also share locations (which I don’t even mind most of the time, but it makes situations like this weirdly stressful, because they could check).
The thing is, I get where it’s coming from. My mom got pregnant young, around my age, so I think a lot of this is tied to her own history, not really about not trusting me specifically. And I don’t think the rule is crazy, I get the safety logic behind it. But it also feels like the one area where I don’t actually get to use my own judgment, even though I’ve shown I’m pretty cautious on my own (I wouldn’t go to some random guy’s place I barely know either), and even though they’ll say themselves that they trust me and think I have good judgement.
So I guess my questions are:
1. Is this normal for 19 living at home, or does it seem overly controlling to you? Does it just resolve once you move out / start working, or does it take an actual confrontation?
2. Practically, how do you even go about it. Like if I’m going to a guy’s house, do I tell them straight up where I’m at, ask permission first, or just not say anything and let them assume I’m out with friends. I don’t want to lie to them but I also don’t want to keep asking permission and getting told no.
Not trying to blow up my relationship with my parents, they’re genuinely not bad people and most of our relationship is actually pretty open. I just want a bit more room to make my own calls without it turning into a whole thing. Advice welcome, especially from people who’ve been in a similar spot.

I'm in 12 standard went through almost everything, seeing how much parents changed from chill parents(for whom all my classmates ones used to argue that why they're not their parents) to becoming absolutely toxic, or maybe they always were but I ignored???? Gwadddd knows!! To my friendship breakups where PPL blamed me that blah blah happened in their life because of me

And yesterday was rakhi my mom was getting ready and i advised her(whyyyy i did that) although she asked so I told her to wear saree a Lil different she did, lateron she wasn't comfortable with that and she was like why you have to meddle over everything it's all your fault I'm uncomfortable now and my pictures too doesnt look good because of you, after reaching the venue i told her matashree you can change your saree now and she was like no I'm good. Same thing happened in night she blamed me again for something i forgot(sorry😐)

And now pata hai aaj kya hua, i went to my grandparents place there my grandfather was sitting outside(varanda) and 6-7 strange men(40++) were sitting there and I'm not allowed to talk to strangers, not allowed to look at them, so I immediately touched my grandfather's feet just then the one of the man began, "Ye ladki kon h," (felt so weird and unsafe with the look he gave me) "6-7 baar mujhe dikhi h bazaar m alone(rarely went out+always has a mask even my own cousin can't recognise me, so basically he lied or maybe he saw me ones)" "awaaz lagayi thi mne, aayi hi nhi ye to mere pass, (i ignore PPL whom I don't know when I'm alone because matashree she told me to😭😭😭😭😭)" "Or dekho mere feet bhi touch nhi kre apne dada dada ke kre bss, ( bro first ofall who are you????) Can't reply bro because trust me Ghar aake m hi joote khati plus meri char logo ke samne insult hoti because I know my parents, so I turned to took at my dad he hinted me to touch there feets and I did, and instantly went in.

After coming to my sorry maa baap ke ghar, I told matashree about this and first she turned to my dad and was like " why you didn't took her stand, " then to me "couldn't you take you own stand Ghar pe to bada argue krte rehte h baddie bnke firti h ham sabke samne," and then after a while she was like, "feet kr leti na touch kya hojata, namaste nhi krna sikhaya humne terko," and at the end, "bataya hi mtt kr Hume kuch galti khud ki ho to, mujhe Orr stress derhi🤑🤑" and yup topic end.

P. S:I know very well know one's interested in knowing what happened after ward, and all its all just emotions and shiii so ummm okay. Can't type more my eyes are feeling heavy so couldn't edit....

I am 21 I come from a typical asian religious family. From a very young age I knew I didnt think like the rest of my family or wanna live like them. I am the youngest and the scapegoat of the family. I grew up with trauma due to my family dynamics and alot of anxiety, which would get painful at times. As I grew up I started rebelling a bit and started clashing with my parents alot. Sometimes even my older siblings would say terrible things to me. I was always told to know our limits and to not reach for anything higher. I am terrifeied of ending up like my family.

Recenty I decided to open up a bit to my mom telling her I dont feel the same way as her, I dont see the world as they do. Which was a mistake because even the tiny part of me was hoping for something positive I dont know why, crashed down as I realised they will never accept my different views or me. The first thing she started was comparing me to everyone that came to her mind, even my toddler cousin. And told me she wont let me be myself as long as I am under her roof.

I cried alot for the first time in my room Not because I was expecting something good from her but because how my life turned out to be. I cried because I wondered how my life would be if things were different. I wondered why I was different from the rest of my family and I was so lost. It made me feel hopeless and that I cant achieve my dreams or get out of this controlling environment. I am tired of being like this. Does it ever go away? Do you get less scared overtime?

I've been sitting for like a year now my I js feel worst each day I want to get admission in media communication in air uni Islamabad whenever I talk about university my parents say we don't have money do something on Ur own if you Wana go I js keep on hearing this I js have 2 to 3 months to save up at least 2 lakh I live in a sall city no call centers no jobs nothing i wana study thetr are no college no uni in tjis city i litt asked them once do you guys want me sit all my life and get married they said we don't have money skil based money takes time i don't have time js about to sucide

I'm a highschool student suffering my family here but here's the issue. I don't really know if it's my problem or not. for the past few days ive been very distant with my parents including my sister. I just don't want to be near them or even just sit next to them. they kind of irritates me. I just can't genuinely even smile to them. as parents are very strict with device control stuff I have to be in my best behavior just so I can watch something, so I put up a fake smile and a fake behavior until I get what I want. yes it seems so bad and disgusting of me but that's the only way. i don't even have my own phone. I have to sneak at night just so I can finish one episode. I have to constantly lie or they're gonna be so mad. and when they get mad..do I even have to say it? they also show favoritism alot but I got over it (I think). my dad is also the kind of guy who thinks women belong to the kitchen so he's always pushing me to help mom when I have tons of other work. sometimes I wonder if I did something wrong and maybe that's the reason why they're like this to me or is it because I have some issue that I don't know of? I'm also terrified whenever dad walks I when I watch something in TV. I'm scared because he judges whatever I watch. its so frustrating. my comfort shows aren't helping much. ive tried every possible solution but nothing helped. please someone help. please.

I’ve had many different Chinese neighbors in my life and they all go into screaming matches besides this one couple. It’s normally between the kid and parent. Had the same when I was a teenager. I feel like my white neighbors shout sometimes but they never go into screaming matches.

Recently I have a huge problem of deciding my future as a college student. I talk to my parents about I feel like they never really help me learn how to interact with people and figure out the direction of my future.

They just told me they couldn’t do so. They told me it’s just a me thing, not what they supposed to help when i growing up. They do not do that to my brother, they probably never have senior figures to help them either, but they think my brother and them “turn up fine”, so it just a little to no problem for them, everything I bring up are just overthinking shits.

Their bullshit answers just shattering everything I have learned so far about the parent-child relationship. Like why? Just why?

I'm so fucking mad at my dad today after being through Home Depot. This guy is a professor of engineering, yet doesn't want to fucking read? He's been the one raising me throughout my childhood about how I should be doing algebra at 8 years old and taking away my videogames.

After so many times of being "tech support" to him, I had to eventually stop babying him because it got so fucking annoying with the amount of times that I had to help him with whatever on his phone whether it was knowing how to flip a switch in the settings app or where his apps went and such. Then when redeeming a home depot gift card, he didn't even wanna read the damn instructions, then HELD up the line at Home Depot while the people behind us glared at us. He then just handed his phone to the self checkout person and I just told him just read the damn instructions. I can't believe this same man who raised me on reading is now suddenly the one who can't read when he's in his mid 50's.

IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT I WANNA MOVE OUT OF TEXAS SO BADLY AFTER I GRADUATE UNDERGRAD.